Friday, January 10, 2014

BSNYC Friday 10 Hours Of Funny Cat Videos, Plus The Occasional Graphic Video Of Cat Death By Misadventure!

According to my calendar, it's been 16 years since I've administered a quiz.  Therefore, in the interest of keeping flabby brains from turning completely to mush, I'm going to get right to it forthwith--though before I do, Stevil Kinevil of All Hail The Black Market is having an art show next month and he wants you to know about it, and if Stevil Kinevil wants you to know about it then I want you to know about it:


That's just how it works:

According to his Internet, it's "the first...show comprised of work by cyclists that has nothing to do with bikes," so there you go.

I like the sound of that, since most bike art tends to be pretty corny, and probably the corniest bike art of all is tattoo bike art, to wit:


And ipso facto:


And case in point:


(Uh, everybody knows the bottom bracket spindle of a bicycle tramp stamp should be centered directly above the gluteal cleft.)

By the way, if you do insist on getting a bike tattoo, at the very least you should avoid component branding:


And of course professional cyclists:


Since both components and pro cyclists have a way of failing over time.

Though I suppose in the worst case scenario you can correct them:


That's something you'll never regret.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see why you need a velomobile.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and try not to get any cats stuck in your drivetrain.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) This graph represents:

--The percentage of children in each country who ride bikes to school
--The percentage of women in each country who ride bikes to work
--The percentage of anthropomorphic ducks who ride bikes while turning to admire their scuba tanks
--The percentage of people in each country who actually like Canadians






(Someone has go pee-pee.)

2) Looks like Neil Patrick Harris is back from his suspension for taking a banned diuretic.

--True
--False





(Trek Factory Racing Team goes Rapha-meets-wedding singer with their unfortunate new look.)

3) Judging from the "modesty panel" on the front of the shorts, the Trek Factory Racing team doesn't think Neil Patrick Harris has kicked his crippling addiction to diuretics.

--True
--False




4) What's this?

--Fractals
--A John Slawta paint job
--A prog-rock album cover
--What it looks like after Fabian Cancellara goes swimming






5) It was recently revealed that an employee of the above hospital planned to:

--Steal performance-enhancing drugs to sell to pro cyclists
--Steal donated blood to sell to pro cyclists
--Steal clean urine to sell to pro cyclists
--Create Bradley Wiggins sideburns from a patient's pubic hair






(Whimsical map grossly exaggerates the importance of Watertown to New York State.)

6) The mayor of Watertown, NY believes that cyclists who ride in winter should be:

--Commended
--Subsidized
--Discouraged
--Arrested





("Does any other city have these goofy stands where people stand around waiting for omnibuses, or is that unique to Chicago?")

7) David Axelrod, political consultant and former adviser to Presidents Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, has his finger firmly on the pulse of modern urban transit.

--True
--False


***Special Just Another Day In Canada-Themed Bonus Video***


87 comments:

mikeweb said...

Tattoo Tuesday! On Friday

Serial Retrogrouch said...

…dung beatles are unicyclists!

dancesonpedals said...

podium i have no life

Spokey said...

wahoo! podia!

I knew that Martell's Creation Grand ExtraAll would do the trick. Thanks sis.



21 26256984

g. said...

fucking captcha cost me the podium!

etherhuffer said...

Yeow!

Spokey said...

damn shoulda skipped that robot

samh said...

AY[mikeweb]SMB

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

now to get some grub before i take the quiz...

...should never take a test on an empty stomach. you could bonk.

Anonymous said...

No way that top tattoo would work in real life. The derraillieur is not oriented properly.

EPIC FALE!!

Anonymous said...

First tattoo: This guy is rocking the new, upcoming standard 6 Bolt chainrings and crankset.

This will put Shimano's new 4 bolt, and the old 5 bolt patterns to shame in terms of stiffness, rigidity, et. al.

Style is reminiscent of the old Campy "EUCLID" gruppo from the 90s.

Six is better than five. And four. And three (FSA).

Flyover BC said...

That's what the water looks like after Fabian Cancellara or Cipo take a swim.

streepo said...

scranus

Comment deleted said...

I enjoyed the lovely Canadian summer depicted in that last video.

the Jimboner said...

Jack Daniels work your magic!

balls™ said...

That tattoo has a goofy tiller effect.

It looks like Spartacus is due for an oil change.


Sparklepony.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Love that Coco!

babble on said...

Mmm... gluteal clefts...

Happy Friday everybody!

Lectrichead said...

I live right outside Watertown myself, and indeed the mayor advocated arresting people for biking in the winter.
You can read more here as well as click and hear the audio from his radio show - http://dc.streetsblog.org/2014/01/06/upstate-ny-mayor-people-who-bike-in-the-winter-should-be-arrested/

CommieCanuck said...

If she keeps wearing that cute fuzzy hat and ears up in America's bald spot, someone will club her to death. Cause no shits are given for Pamela Anderson.

crosspalms said...

Maybe I need an anthropomorphic duck tattoo.

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

Given today's tattoo theme, it would've been interesting if Coco's name was Kelly.

CommieCanuck said...

Watertown is famous for its water. The stuff just pours out of taps in the hotel. True story.
This town is on the forefront of aquatourism.

JB said...

Decision 1: Have tattoo of bicycle drivetrain installed on back.

Decision 2: Have drivetrain in granny-granny.

Decision 3: Have someone take a photo of said tattoo.

mikeweb said...

JB,

Maybe he also has a portrait of his Grandmother tattooed on his chest.

DB said...

Congrats Mikeweb.
Still laughing from Fabians oil slick comment.
I think Snob gets laugh of the day.

commentatorbot_9374 said...

The artist who did the rear mech on the arm did a good job. It is artful and vaguely retro in a late-70's way. The tramp stamp is okay too.

Props to them for finding good artists.

Not something I'd ever do. Ever. I give them both the seal of meh.


Anonymous said...

Oh for a kinky winter three-way with Koko and her funny friend!

BamaPhred said...

I love the youthful exuberance of the singer, but I really kept waiting for the punch line, like maybe getting taken out by a stampeding moose or something.

And does Axelrod have the most cheese-eating grin ever, or what? It's scary,

McFly said...

Who among us does not like hot Coco? There is none. I wonder if her trampstamp is lil' white marshmellows?

grog said...

Missing Recumbabe the helper monkey.

FUNK WIZZ

crosspalms said...

Rainy, foggy, very grey in Chicago, BUT my first day back on the bike in a week, which felt great. Streets in my neighborhood are still mostly a nightmare, but the lakefront path is well plowed and salted and I'm not on a bus.

Velocodger said...

Laughed my ass off today, hardly even needed to read the post. I'm having a GREAT Wednesday.

JB said...

But Sonja's the freaky one, you know it.

Anonymous said...

Composed, God damn it, Composed. Don't use comprised, Stevil, unless you know what you are doing. Christ!

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 3:42pm

Is that you Bob?

David said...

You realize that in any remotely sane universe, the Wiggins-pubeburns would have been one of the joke answers.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Crosspalms - don't say that anything is 'well plowed and salted', otherwise Cipo will be wondering how he missed out on the action.

hey, hey said...

I'll give her credit, it takes balls to do what Coco did.

Watertown, slowly I turned, step by step... said...

I went to Watertown once for work (no joke). Snowbanks were so high I could just see over them and I'm 6' even. The word cold doesn't begin to describe how cold it was. And people live there and of course the army has a huge base for training there, Camp Drum, because of all of the snow in the Middle East.

The King of Park Slope said...

There's a biscotti dipped in Coco joke there somewhere.

Dave said...

AWWWWWWWWWW! Could she BE any cuter?

Quick - hit me with the antidote - I'm fading here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BGlFsf9DM8

McFly said...

I like tattoo #3. For the 26" waist and the 36" ass.

H(our) Gl (ass)

Comment deleted said...

Ah, that was very refreshing, Dave. Thanks.

I believe that's the song Coco was covering, no?

crosspalms said...

Jack's hat, Eric's vest and boots would look fine on Coco.

Lumpen, I don't know what I was thinking.

Freddy Murcks said...

I like the Rob Halford tattoo. That dude is the most badass heavy metal lead singer who also happens to be a homosexual. Not that there is anything wrong with being the lead singer for a heavy metal band, but it is interesting to note.

tntsupor fuppofed

Flyover BC said...

That tramp stamp makes me want to go for a ride.

And I agree with McFly. I've always liked hips and handles anyway.

ouabacher said...

The first few subtitles on the velomobile vid are best read very loudly in the style of Kuni from UHF........ then again that goes for most captions/ subtitles. "Your bike would have died! Your so stupaaaaaaad!!!

ouabacher said...

And thanks, Dave for the Brave Ulysses. I'll gladly let that get stuck in my brain for a day or two

crosspalms said...

RIDE HOME
SLOP FEST
! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

McFly said...

Little waist and wide hips always neutralize slips. I would like to test lateral stiffness and structural rigidity of that beach cruiser. You just know that baby has seen some rough miles.

Zerk Gun said...

The chain on that sweetie's back tattoo looks like it could use some of my lube.

ouabacher said...

That's my uncle! He's got unusually soft curves....... you creeps.

McFly said...

Ride with P.R.I.D.E. (Pharmaceuticals Readily Injected Distributing Energy)

A bud lent me Wheelmen to peruse. Interesting so far...

Anonymous said...

Nice yellow bicycle - $700 (downtown vancouver)

Anonymous said...

Goddamn it sun rider!

Anonymous said...

Porcelain? Really? Please........

leroy said...

Ride safe all.

My dog says we have to take a walk to take care of some family matters.

We'll be around and we'll be back.

In the meantime, enjoy every sandwich.

Good rides always end too soon. Fortunately, the rough rides end too.

Blog Drafter said...

Lobspeed Leroy. May you be well.


Perhaps the new ink splatter captchas will be gone when you get back, damn things.

Anonymous said...

disgusting title and not funny in the least. This kind of thing has surfaced here in the past, but this tears it. I won't be back

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 9:39am,

Jeez, you can't swing a dead cat in here without offending somebody...

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

DUCK HUNT FTW..........

Anonymous said...

Curse you internets!

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! What A Bike!!! Totally Custom

Anonymous said...

Nice Lance and Rob tattoos. Very fun. However, it is clearly a photoshop[pe] job. The guy's skin creases are the same in both pictures and the pictures' time-stamps indicate they were both taken at 21:41 (9:41PM) and the the month and year digits were clearly just partially re-arranged to have the new date.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:25,

Has anyone ever told you that you have a mind like a steel trap?

g. said...

Wow. "Occasional Graphic Video Of Cat Death By Misadventure!" is what put Anon 9:39 over the top? Never would have guessed that one...

BamaPhred said...

I'm sorry Anon 9:39 got its scranus caught in the KuKu penthouse, but my response to "...and I won't be back" has always been "May the door not hit you in the ass on the way out."

I think my Grandma said it to me first when I was 10 and having some kind of juvenile meltdown.

I looked at her like, what? And couldn't suppress the laughter. She was funny in an odd, cold, stern kind of way.

Mountain folk.

McFly said...

Pretty sure those handlebars are on an oil-injection 2 stroke. The 2 stroke fires at top dead center every time. Watch if the exhaust starts oozing. You could have put too much oil in that baby.

four hour erection said...

WOW! What a bike! What a turd...

CommieCanuck said...

disgusting title and not funny in the least. This kind of thing has surfaced here in the past, but this tears it. I won't be back

You will be anonymously missed. As Snob says, you can't throw a kitten in a meat grinder without offending someone in today's PC world.

Dooth said...

Some folks are just zero tolerant about pussy abuse.

McFly said...

My kitty kitty R U N N O F T about 2 weeks ago. His belly swole up (yes...it was a he...he had a ballzack the size of unshelled walnuts) and I am thinking maybe he had an illness. The sad part is we JUST bought a new bag of food.

wishiwasmerckx said...

McFly, you wouldn't happen to have a Chinese restaurant just down the street, would you?

BamaPhred said...

Not to worry, he was just looking for Mrs Hogwallop. I hate to break the news, but they have a thing going on.

babble on said...

Sure were a lot of nasty negative nelly drivers on the Vancouver streets the last few days. Even the pros: I saw two bus drivers lay on the horn, step on the gas, and run a red light. Madness. Folks here don't like it much when it rains all over their weekend.

babble on said...

BamaPhred :D

Poor kitty.

Anonbegone. If reasons to be offended looking for you are
find them you will.

1sickpuppy said...

Q. What's easier to unload, a pickup truck full of dead kittens or a pickup truck full of gravel?

A. A pickup truck full of dead kittens because you can use a pitchfork!

Yoda said...

Panties come out of you will.

mikeweb said...

leroy,

Here's wishing you tailwinds and smooth roads.

JB said...

Commas can be important, Yoda.

Panties come out of, you will.
Panties come out of you, will.

africansingle said...

@King of Park Slope 4:55
The joke has a line about Cippolata in Coco.....which may explain the lack of an 'OhMyGod" look on her face?

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