Thursday, December 19, 2013

Grinding Our Way To Year's End...


(Now that's an obit.)

In case you're still wondering where you stand as a cyclist in America, the answer is you don't stand at all.  Instead, you lie bleeding on the rear windshield of a speeding Mustang for two miles before the driver dumps you behind the garbage cans:



A Broward bicyclist was left in critical condition Tuesday after a hit-and-run driver struck him, then kept driving for two miles with the man caught in the car’s smashed rear window.

Once the driver arrived at his Pompano Beach townhouse, he removed the biker, identified as Craig Camlin, 53, from the car’s roof and dumped him in a wooded area behind a trash bin and bushes.

Then, the driver, who police said was 27-year-old Axel Inostroza, hid his damaged, black 2003 Ford Mustang to keep his girlfriend from seeing it and went inside to sleep, according to the confession he later gave investigators.

Merry Christmas!


(The shitter of humanity is indeed filled to overflowing with the feces of ill will.)

This is why you should never, ever trust a man with a sculpted beard and sculpted eyebrows:


I cannot think of single atrocity you could visit upon this person that would in any way make me even remotely uncomfortable.  In fact, I think they should just sculpt his facial hair with live rats like in "1984:"


Then when the rats are done with his face they could give him a little "manscaping."

It's not even lunchtime and I'm already fantasizing about rats gnawing off a man's testicles.

This is why it's so hard being a cyclist in the Internet age.  You can't go a day without reading something that makes you pray for someone's nuts to get eaten by vermin.

But hey, it's the holidays.  Let's set genital-gnawing rodents aside for a moment and focus on the things that tie us together as people.  Literally.  Because some "duders" out in California have invented a bike leash for skaters:



Flatland Towing for all Skaters or Launching Skaters into Rails or Ramps by temporarily clipping onto any bicycle seat then unclipping

I'm not sure why they need $15,000 to produce a device you could fabricate yourself from impulse items you can purchase at the counter of your neighborhood bodega and/or Petco, but then again I'm not a deeply stoned "engineer."

Also, it ain't no Bicycle Bungee:



Actually, that's not true.  It's exactly a Bicycle Bungee.

Still, it's marginally more practical than the Gear Grinder, to which I was alerted by a reader:


At first I assumed Gear Grinder was a band that put out an album on Earache in the early 1990s, but it turns out it's something even dumber:

Gear Grinder is the world's first pedal powered coffee grinder. It's a small chain driven coffee grinder that grinds a single hopper of coffee and is attached to the seat stay of a single speed bicycle.

Conceived and developed by two coffee drinking cyclists in London, Gear Grinder allows cycle loving  coffee aficionados to grind their morning brew the best way possible....by foot.

Okay, so like any coffee drinker I want my coffee first thing in the morning.  Ordinarily I'd just grind it in the kitchen, but with Gear Grinder now I can finally go outside, get on my bike, and ride around the block 10 or 15 times first, which sounds like a great way to streamline my morning routine.  Also, the Gear Grinder mounts to pretty much the filthiest place on your bicycle, so your coffee will taste of road grit.

Why anyone would fuck with the immutable order or morning operations (that being Coffee, then Bathroom, then Bike) is beyond me.

Or maybe this is a harbinger of something even more insidious, and coffee douchedom has gotten to the point that people are actually bringing their own grounds to the café for their post-ride slow-drip whatever.

"Hey, can you brew this for me?," asks the guy with the sleeve tattoos and the cycling cap.

"Sure, there'll be a corkage fee of $20," replies the guy with the sleeve tattoos and the cycling cap behind the counter.

"Gladly, you can't pay enough for authenticity."

It's strange.  I like bikes, and I like coffee, but for some reason when they come together I get extremely pissed off--except when it comes to my own coffee, of course, because I'm a whore:


Put that on your seat stay and grind it.

And wear a hat and read a book while you do it:


Hey, my toilet's not going to gold plate itself.

Speaking of me, around this time last year I made a New Year's resolution to not renew my USA Cycling license, and thereby cease being a card-carrying Fred:


Well, I'm pleased to announce that, with less than two weeks remaining in the year, it's extremely unlikely I'll be tempted to compete in an organized bicycle-cycling racing event, and so for the first time ever I will have actually fulfilled a New Year's resolution, meaning I am entitled to a reward.  I'm not sure what I'll treat myself to yet, but I'm thinking I may finally get that gravel bike I've had my eye on:


I'm going to blast the crap out of some gravel, though hopefully I don't need a special USA Cycling license in order to do so.

Also, I hope my Gear Grinder is compatible with it, because grinding gravel while grinding coffee puts you in the very eye of the cycling zeitgeist--especially if you wear orange and camo while doing it, at which point you become the embodiment of every single cycling trend going, until you go supernova and your SRAM hydrolic dick breaks explode, leaving you lying in a ditch with a brake fluid facial.

Lastly, anyone who rides a bike in New York City knows Access-A-Ride vans are the scariest motor vehicles out there (they make yellow cabs look like horse-drawn carriages), so it should come as no surprise that one has nipped onto the sidewalk and created another future passenger:


That's bicycle-lane bad, and I look forward to hearing how a cyclist was responsible.

121 comments:

flyover bc said...

podium

Spokey said...

yellow wahoo

Anonymous said...

Ass Monkeys… ATTACK!!!

Spokey said...

dang,

Anonymous said...

je suis dans le premier dix

Anonymous said...

BOOSH!

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Weiss,

Question for you. How many pedestrians have you clocked in your years as person who rides bicycles.

I have been a daily commuter for 5 years, and have ruined two jay-walking pedestrian's days in that time, most recently this morning.

Am I a danger to society? Is this normal? Today I ran into a large male that didn't look before stepping into the bike lane. They ended up in a deep slush filled puddle soaking wet. I felt bad. But not really that bad.

Sincerely,

A natural born killer

Anonymous said...

Damnitastic!

Anonymous said...

top ten fuckers!

McFly said...

Is it me or is that Duck Dynasty(tm) guy a little judgey for someone that has built an entire career out of designing long cylindrical objects that go in men's mouths?

Flyover bc said...

Looks like the bicycle bungee works best on nearly level ground or on downhills. I wonder who does the breaking? Usually it's the vehicle in tow. But since this is a ground braking idea, it may work some other way.

Is the top ten complete yet?

Perros De Maiz said...

Leroy, What's your dog's name?

Comment deleted said...

You are one funny motherfucker, Snob. And by that I don't mean that you fuck your mother, just that you fuck *a* mother.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Roille Figners said...

Icy in Portland today. I love all the ice noobs. BikePortland is probably full of their slip-and-fall stories today.

crosspalms said...

natural born killer,
You're not supposed to leave them in place, you're supposed to scrape them off your fender and dump them behind the trash cans at your house.

First commute in a week for me (was out of town then met my inner woosie when the weather sucked). Had to dodge a car and a truck parked in protected bike lane, and yell at 2 people who wandered out into the same lane. Didn't hit em, but woke them up.

robot detector just gave me its phone number. 533 8488. hmmm....

Comment deleted said...

What this country needs is more bicyclist disposal bins.

dancesonpedals said...

top 20

DB said...

More cowbell, please.

Question, Snob:
My wife is not renewing her subscription to Runners World, but Rodale Press continues to send Thank you for renewing letters with a bill enclosed. Is this Rodales evil plan....to wait you out until you finally say, fuck it, just pay it? Or are they clueless?

BikeSnobNYC said...

DB,

In years of subscribing to various magazines from various publishers I have yet to discover any correlation between the status of my subscriptions and the billing notices I receive.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Marcel Da Chump said...

Pompano bitch.

dancesonpedals said...

I should really read the blog before commenting (especially if I'm not top 10).

An acquantance of mine was killed by an ambulette.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/13/health/13petrek.html


She was walking on the sidewalk with her elderly mother, heading home from elderly mom's doctor appointment. The van slowly rode over her. The driver was aghast at what she'd done. She couldn't see the pedestrians because of sunglare & she couldn't hear the screams over the sound of the back up beeper.

brother yam said...

What the fuck is it with you New Yorkers and your inability to keep your fucking cars on the road?

leroy said...

As a cyclist, I fear two things.

1. Access-A-Ride vans.

2. Clowns.

3. Clowns driving Access-A-Ride vans.

Okay, that's three things.

But math makes me uncomfortable too.

dancesonpedals said...

amen brother yam

Andrew Rockman said...

Access-a-ride has bothered me for years. I've never had validation - until now.

In one instance, I chased a supervisor's car for several blocks taking pictures of him violating traffic regulations. He eventually got out of his car and threatened me. I laughed at him and rode away. He was to fat to run after me...

DB said...

Come to think of it, Wildcat, you are right. I have no idea where I stand with half the magazines I get.
Thanks for the heads up on the Access Vans. I'll put those on my list of vehicles to watch for next to Honda SUVs when I arrive next week.

leroy said...

Estimado Sr. Perros de Maiz --

Eso es facil. "Leroy's dog."

Por que la pregunta?

JB said...

Were the pedestrians that were struck wearing suits of armor, or at least chain-mail. If not, they were asking for it, I guess.

Fuck.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Get it right please. Bathroom, coffee then bike.

Spokey said...

why does leroy's dog put up with leroy anyway?

Something about that perversion I don't understand

Krakow said...

Whenever an Access-A-Ride van's ex-convict driver almost kills me (usually on Lafayette in Brooklyn), I hope that at least he'll give me a lift to the hospital/morgue, though I know he won't.

Etherhuffer said...

Americans.
Cannot.
Drive.

They think cars are rolling sofas.

Spokey said...

you're all wrong

bathroom, coffee, bathroom, bike, bathroom, coffee, bathroom, nap

DB said...

Kids, kids, kids.....it's bathroom, Advil, coffee, bathroom, bike.
At least at my age it is.

crosspalms said...

more like bathroom, coffee, sidewalk, hospital

Flyover BC said...

Shouldn't that be
"Perro de El Rey"

brother yam said...

Spokey @12:58

See a doctor.

Anonymous said...

Bro-cat, you forgot to mention that the Gear Grinder can be yours for the low low price of just 350 pounds british. That's a mere 573 Dollars US at today's exchange rate, so you can attach a single cup coffee grinder to your fixie that cost more than the fixie itself. We all have stupid ideas from time and time but it is up to our friends to say, hey dickhead, that's a really fucking stupid idea. Apparently these two have no friends or Brits are just too polite.

Spokey said...

brother yam

wait till you hit your 7th or 8th decade.

Some days its bathroom, bathroom, coffee bathroom, nap, bathroom, bathroom.

I was just painting the rosie picture for this august audience. left out the bike I can no longer biek below 20C. This time of the year I relegated to the tour de basement.

Anonymous said...

I've developed a fear of school bus drivers as of late after a few close calls. It's good to know that the "professionals" that are charged with kids safety are speeding and running redlights, just like 75% of the other drivers in NYC.

Bama Phred said...

I got nothing.
Scranus
Beware of couches being blindly driven by teenagers and Junior Leaguers hell bent on that last minute treasure, arranging social engagements, and looking at the gps, all at the same time on the smarting phone.

Roille Figners said...

Axel Inostroza is going to score mad cock in prison.

wake, bathroom, coffee, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, lunch, cock, cock, cock, dinner, cock, cock, cock, lockdown

(in the fantasy-world where there's justice I mean)

Anonymous said...

Spokey, bathroom, bathroom, coffee, bathroom, nap, bathroom, bathroom sounds like a pretty good day to me.

JB said...

That coffee grinder thing is blowing my mind. I want to see those guys go on Shark Tank (love that show).

I want a bike-powered muddler, because that would also be easier to do by hand.

Anonymous said...

RF, nice one.

mikeweb said...

This morning I rode to work for the first day this week due to the road icyness. There was some major cat 6 action along Jay st. that carried over onto the Manhattan br.

I read that Al Goldstein obit earlier this morning. Turns out he had been crashing at an old age home in my neighborhood. I also learned from it that nude photos of Jackie O exist.

Herschel Raney said...

I was fairly calm again until the Snob made me aware of the hit-and-run-with-your-victim-in-tow criminal. I think I may actually go buy a handgun. Stick it down in the middle pocket of my jersey where the phone usually goes.

So:
Pocket 1 Taser.
Pocket 2 snub nosed smith-and-wesson
Pocket 3 Mace

Ride, Muthafuckas Ride.

Etherhuffer said...

Thank Lob for tea. At least tea drinkers don't have to enter the useless widget frenzy that is known as 'coffee'

Anonymous said...


Speaking of BSNYC's own coffee... I thought what a great xmas present - given the notice that they now ship to Canada!!

Yeah, well, I tried to order $75 of coffee... in the US, that shipping is free. In Canada, that shipping is $38!! 50% of the order!!

Hey, just another reason to buy local!

BUYL OCAL

Tom said...

Am I the only one who is pretty sure that grinder is actually for weed?

Comment deleted said...

Note: when disposing of a bicyclist, be sure to put the metal bits into recycling.

crosspalms said...

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the Internet...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, there are three types of people; those who can do math and those who cannot.

Yarpo said...

Congratulations flyover bc, Spokey, and Ass Monkey Handler (um...and welcome back from your visit to the Netherlands)

"Why anyone would fuck with the immutable order or morning operations (that being Coffee, then Bathroom, then Bike) is beyond me."

Iridium, Snob, Iridium!!!

Rats gnawing testicles? Why not mix it up with a blowtorch applied to the testicular region, for the extra high-pitched screams that will denote justice being served?

Tee Kay said...

Mithril would be my goto metal as a pedestrian in NYC. Snob, I read your blog everyday, I work in the Bike/Ped office in missoula, MT and fuck I'm glad to live in a town that's actually, relatively, incredibly friendly for people toward people not in cars.
How the fuck do you not get noticed when driving down the road with a dude sticking out of your rear windshield?
No, its not a new spoiler, its a(n almost not) living human being, albeit minus an ear...

That really grinds my gears...
Maybe the gear grinder is for people trying to kick the habit, considering riding around probably wakes that ass up about as much as a cup of coffee...

good laughs today, too bad its always at some poor pedestrian's expense...
uggh

McFly said...

.......post-ride slow-drip.....

That's what she said.

Anonymous said...

Haha, it's dyslexic to be hell.

RoadQueen said...

I like Tom's usage of the grinder best.

Weed.

Anonymous said...

As the Anderson Windows commercial girls say: "Weeee told ja so!!"

Even blind uberlefties can now see that it's time to embrace the gun lobby forcefully and with jackets off, and a little rubbing action as well.
First we have to have a League of Perma Witnesses that say "Yes, he/she used his/her car as a weapon and the cyclist was merely defending him/herself".
Then when these heinous things happen, we are not totally defenseless. Let's face it, a douche in a "Smarte"car is just as dangerous, if not more so, than a responsible individual with a .38. Since I am of a rather deluxe size, I would prefer a .44 in a cross draw holster. Hammerless double action so as not to snag anything. Plus it's more "aero".

Was chatting once with some folks in Fort Lauderdale about the riding conditions locally. They said "just be sure you don't piss people off, you can carry down here".
Just imagine "Don't piss the cyclists off in NYC, they can carry up there"... awesome.
[Instead of "Oh yeah, and if you hit someone, be sure to finish them off cause where there are no witnesses, there is no crime" and tell the PO-leece that you didn't see him, on the hood, for 10 minutes.]

Now I know the black helicopters will be outside waiting.

3 weeks on the frikkin train so far.

vsk

Serial Retrogrouch said...

wake, bathroom, coffee, bathroom, dress, sudden urge for bathroom, bike.. to work, coffee, bathroom... relax... work... and... food, coffeeeeee... bathroom.

sleep and repeat

Serial Retrogrouch said...

leroy,

¿tu perro tiene cojones?

quiero decir,

tu perro tiene cojones!!!

Beth said...

Yarpo, just be sure to remove the rats before applying the blowtorch. Otherwise your suggestion would be inhumane.

Looks like I'm not a robot today. Sweet!

Herschel Raney said...

Serial Retro:

It appears, Retro, that you have no dogs, or cats, or wives or children. Coffee needs to be in large bold type in the morning. And late in the day, the words beer and scotch need to appear in your schedule. Replacing coffee.

Sleep should be in parentheses.

Anonymous said...

wake, internet / self-administered handy, coffee, ride to work / curse, feed, "work", more coffee, ride home / curse, feed, alcohol / wife, sleep...repeat

mikeweb said...

I did the same thing as Axel one time with my car. Except it was a a bird stuck in my grille.

No criminality suspected.™

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Dear Mr. Herschel Raney,

I once had a black cat and a white cat... i now have a human child after getting rid of a human wife.

my coffee consumption is to deal with little sleep and fuel my bicycle cycling.

beer, scotch, tequila, and other deliciousness only make seldom appearances lately.

thank you, sir, for your kind suggestion.

yours grouchily,

retro

McFly said...

Wake, coffee, excedrin, send pic of junk to wife and tell her your gettin this tonight, rejoice from a positive response, more coffee, weld some shit, play on webs, ignore a dumbass, appease the boss, buy some shit, pick up kids, tv or bicyclecycle, fulfill impetus, sleep....repeat.

dnk said...

In late summer a friend of ours turned into a ghost. While several months previous, she was riding her bike everywhere, suddenly she did not have the strength to climb stairs of subway stations. She had developed an aggressive cancer that required the removal of a kidney and follow-up treatment. The back & forth car service/cab fare from Bed Stuy to the Manhattan hospital was too expensive, so she wound up using Access-A-Ride.

On one trip, my wife accompanied our friend. She said it was insane. Access-A-Ride driver turned out to be a real chatterbox, and kept a one-way conversation going the whole way that emboldened him to look back for eye contact every time he made a point (talking points: variations on the theme of his driving schedule) during which time he'd also hit the brakes. He gunned for every traffic light, which often meant that he would have to aggressively brake at reds, and he sped up on the turns. My wife said that within a few blocks she was nauseous (she is not prone to car sickness), and for our poor friend enduring chemotherapy the ride was unbearable.

So, yeah. Access-A-Ride

Roille Figners said...

More like Excessive Ride, I know right?

Roille Figners said...

Hey, we're back to a regular 2-word captcha (my niggaz). Was it my weeks of "fuckgoogle" in place of the house numbers?

Dooth said...

Now that we're on the subject of beverage intake and bathroom brakes (that's right, brakes)...
Water, bathroom, green tea, water, bathroom, water, double espresso, vegetable or fruit shake, water, bathroom, beer, beer, beer, bathroom, wine, water, bathroom.

And I miss the Al Goldstein rant at the end of Midnight Blue where he gave the finger to the target of his rage.

My captcha says I'm in a state of...
eenizoa distress...
can't argue with a robot.

Yarpo said...

Beth,
Thanks for the reminder! Having to replace rats because of my forgetfulness would be inexcusable, inhumane as you point out, and kind of expensive.

Read your blog and was sad to read about Joseph Holan being killed during his morning bike commute, while wearing a reflective vest that the driver didn't see...
Your comments on schools being danger zones during pickup and drop-off times are spot-on. Keep up the writing!

Roille Figners said...

Caleb: "Thanks for your hospitality Two Bears."

Two Bears: "wskingo caleb"

mikeweb said...

Okay then...


Coffee, bathroom, ride, tea, orange juice, coffee, bathroom, ride, beer, beer... Zzzzz

wishiwasmerckx said...

What ever happened to the 4 S's?Shit,shave,shower, shampoo?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Although I believe in evolution, the best argument for intelligent design is that when you wake up, your nose is clogged and your butt is clogged. First, you unclog your butt, then you unclog your nose.

Brilliant!

Krakow said...

VSK,

The precedent (legal, not so sure) exists for firing on moving cars, as police do it all the time whenever one comes even remotely close to their mustache holders. But guns is ain't not the answer. I mean, look how well things are going in ye olde Palestine...not well.

The equivalent of a 45-mph cannon I saw the other day, by which I mean an empty jitney type bus flying down 2nd Ave on the Upper East Side...the driver, going 45 mph in the center lane, was all eyes on his phone as he flew through the light.

the Jimboner said...

It's not even lunchtime and I'm already fantasizing about rats gnawing off a man's testicles.

I rest my case.

Herschel Raney said...

Wake, release the Siamese hellcat from bathroom , shower, coffee, find large psychedelic suppositories, forget other meds, text wife cached image of someone else’s more impressive junk and tell her “she will never see that again”, dress, pass bike wistfully in garage, drive to work, solve the world’s minor problems one after the other, avoid the boss, torture myself with ebay, drive back, look wistfully at bike again, scotch, scotch, scotch, walk the very aged dog around his wooded lot, headphones (Bruckner or NIN, depends on day), lament level of remaining scotch, toss and turn, repeat.

Roille Figners said...

It's all a ruse.

We are the

allaruse generation

Roille Figners said...

How does it look out there on the street, Hitoshi?

street dserate

CommieCanuck said...

Once the driver arrived at his Pompano Beach townhouse, he removed the biker, identified as Craig Camlin, 53, from the car’s roof and dumped him in a wooded area behind a trash bin and bushes.

That's a $122 fine and 2 points off in Toronto. So watch it.

DB said...

That could be the comment of the day, Commie.

Anonymous said...

coffee, bathroom, dog walk, bathroom, bike, work, bathroom, bike, nap, dog walk, bathroom, bed

sTONEdEADLAND said...

wake - bake - nob rake

CommieCanuck said...

Now that you whoring out yourself for coffee, maybe it's time for a Kickstarter project hub-driven crabon hydraulic coffee grinder? Hmm? Imagine, grinding a fine expresso while riding to work. Portland approved.

HUBG RNDR

Beth said...

Thank you, Yarpo!

Seems like we've gotten to the point where a driver who hits a cyclist is considered a great humanitarian if s/he can actually be bothered to stop.

I don't know if we even have Access-A-Ride round these here parts. That smacks of public transportation, a concept to which Texas does not particularly cotton.

Euro Spondee said...

Never heard of Al Goldstein before, but the obit was illuminating. Cannot believe no-one else has pointed out that according to the NYT he spent some years in Pompano Beach. Co-incidece? I think this calls for tinfoil hats.
Also, I doubt any online correction today will beat: An earlier version of this article misstated the name of a movie Mr. Goldstein starred in. It is “Al Goldstein & Ron Jeremy Are Screwed,” not “Al Goldstein & Ron Jeremy Get Screwed.”

Capcha: Dangerous, followed by something I can't read. Where is my tinfoil hat?

Comment deleted said...

Is "depraved indifference" still against the law? Even in Florida?

mikeweb said...

I'm guessing Mr. Inyoenza will be found innocent because of Florida's stand your ground law. How could he have known that the cyclist wasn't going to unceremoniously unsculpt his beard and eyebrows with a sharpened tire lever?

CommieCanuck said...

Is "depraved indifference" still against the law? Even in Florida?

Depends on the victims color in America's Sixth Finger™.

werfkd said...

A) We're all fucked

B) SKATU dudes will take your $ and buy or make meth with it

C) We're all fucked

Anonymous said...

Sr. / Srta. Krakow,

We need a "Stand Your Lane Law".

Bay Ridge on 5th Avenue is already Bay Root (as evidenced by the deli of that name on 5th Ave).

I wish all the hooka bars were the good old fashioned hooker bars (like the Galway Hooker in NYC that pussified down to Galway maybe it can become Gal Way on ladies night).

It's already Palestine / Lebanon / Jerusalem, etc in Brooklyn. There are probably more Jewish folks in Boro Park than in all of Israel separated from Bay Root by the wailing wall of the N train and the buffer of 8th Avenue China. But it's just a quick car service trip to jihad.

I will not criticize the constabulary as they really do not exist in a good way, except to tell me once the Manhattan Bridge was closed due to a "suspicious package" and we all migrated to the Williburg.

No guns? What then? rebar? Studded gloves? slingshot? Louisville slugger? Slingblade / Kaiser Blade ummmHummmh

Consider: The lefty AND conservative media are both out to get us, no law enforcement help, size + speed differential, and all the other things I have too much road rage at my desk now to think about.
I mean, my friend Allan was going along the 2nd Avenue path around 27th street, some waste of oxygen just does a knockout on him and takes out a couple of his teeth. No provocation, no reason. Well, he's Israeli x military. The other guy ended up in the hospital and Allan now has implants.
I am not x military, I don't even play Tour of Duty. The day will come from too many people stuck in too dense a situation. Who's going to come to my assistance?
I would rather Samuel Colt or someone of a similar caliber.

vsk

Tee Kay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JB said...

If you were on fixies with no brakes, then you'd be oNe with the road and world, and avoid all collisions subconsciously.

Wellgrounded said...

What would be the best size sprocket one would use to get maximum performance out of the Gear Grinder? Would a fast 'grind time' work with Strava?

Anonymous said...

WIWM @ 3:11

You should have written your sentence thusly:

"Although I believe in Evolution, the best argument for Intelligent Design is that…"

because if you Believe in evolution, it's the same fucking thing as Believing in intelligent design. You don't need to believe in evolution, that's the whole point.

Wake up, run down checklist, start engine #1, wash face, oatmeal, run down checklist, start engine # 2, check inane flame war on BSNYC comment list, ride, shower, work...


Anonymous said...

Drink heavily, sleep, pee, wake.

Tee Kay said...

snob,
you've seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzE-IMaegzQ

Road Queer said...

Dred.

Comment deleted said...

Road Queer, you forgot this hun...

babble on said...

How did you do that? From sick with disbelief to laughing my ass off and then thumping back to Earth again in one little post... genius. Oh. And you're a lovely whore, doll. You inspire me.

Tom - That's what I thought!

DB- Advil is a dangerous habit. Yoga and meditation will do you better.


wake bathroom yoga mmmmmmatcha ride workworkwork fooooooooood hubba hubba sleep

Vegas said...

Our "Access-A-Ride" out here is just called "Access." I actually drove em for a year or so in my younger years. Having only owned a gamut of shitty cars, I relished in the ability to criss-cross the County in a mechanically-serviced vehicle, equipped with a radio in the rare case it did break down. Helping people who needed help was cool, too.

Though I drive fast in my personal car, at work there was never a Need For Speed as there was plenty of time built into the schedule and as noted the passengers were obviously frail in some way or another (duh, they had to qualify under ADA to get a ride). But similar to a normal license I do recall many of the candidates taking the Class B test multiple times, sometimes having to be "coached" to get enough written answers correct to pass. I assumed the same proportion of poor drivers as in the general pool, but perhaps it's more. I never saw widespread evidence of it, though, and there certainly weren't any buses smashing into buildings or running over people.

Luckily I don't do that anymore since I had to wake at 4am. That's, like, still yesterday, man.

Mine is: snooze, piss, water, loud tunes, bike. I can't do coffee, it makes my left eyelid twitch. backbone blog

Anonymous said...

R.I.P. Mr. Goldstein.

Smut Peddlers - Fuck You...Thats Why

Early Riser said...

Wake up. Have sex. Go pee. {That full bladder going to cum thing is a cool sensation) THEN ride around the block 4 or 5 times to grind coffee. That's a good way to start the day.

Bladerunner said...

Move on, move on, nothing to see here, move on, move on.

Chris Bonner said...

In order for this thing to work, wouldn't you have to have a fixed gear cog on the non-drive side of a flip-flop hub?

If the price were slightly less silly, I'm sure plenty of people here in the Great State of Washington could find the time to grind up 20 grams of their personal "Wednesday blend" in their waking rituals.

I'm having a hard time believing it's not satire, though, with copy like this:

Hill said: “There's a clear, often moustachioed, overlap between those who love great coffee and ride fixed-gear bikes to work every morning. We saw that as a brilliant opportunity. As far as I’m concerned this is up there with the discovery of fire and the creation of the internet in its value to the people of earth. We are massively excited about bringing something totally unique to market.”

Buonaguidi added: “I have been riding fixed wheel and drinking double espresso religiously for ten years. I also believe that hand or foot grinding is better than machine grinding because the imperfections in the ‘analogue’ grinding process creates an unevenness which adds to the subtle notes of the coffee flavour. The Gear Grinder is a personal dream that has finally been realized.”

Austin Powers said...

Bike powered martini shaker baby. Yeah baby your voice is posh.

Dave said...

bathroom, coffee, bike, dumpster, coffin. Wait in line for ticket to Last Reward. Get sent back down to get it right this time. bathroom, coffee, bike, extreme paranoia, get to work, etc.

Even in this kind and gentle (by comparison) Northern Virgina bike-commuting paradise, I've been rigidly paranoid for years. That truck doesn't see me. Nobody sees me. That guy sees me, the one on crack. That girl in the Honda Civic is obviously a psychokiller. Every so often my paranoia pays off like a one-armed bandit and I live another day. But in the end the house always wins, my friends!

I'm getting a kind of late Zevon feeling from the group today, like Disorder In The House -

reptile wisdom...
zombies on the lawn,
staggering around...
helicopter hover over rough terrain...

Sammich said...

This coffee grinder thing is genius. In fact you can run a whole slew of devices off your back fixed gear opposite side flip flop hub cog. I am going to run one of those air raid sirens off my cog, screw blinky lights and day glow orange camo spandex wear.

Bike Bro Bx said...

Grinderman, Nick Cave.

Your welcome.

Anonymous said...

Chris Bonner-

Do you know how much 20 grams of Wednesday blend is?!?!?

I don't think Snoop Lion, Willie Nelson and Cheech Marin blaze through 20 grams before breakfast combined.

The "normal" amount people purchase is an eighth, or 3.5 grams.

I am interested to see how the WA weed stores work, in practice. I guess the product is going to be considerably more expensive, due to multiple, excessive taxation.
Current "retail" street price is $30-40 for 3.5g.
I pay $50 a quarter, or 7 gr.

I guess NYC pricing is $50 for 2.5g

Dream Job said...

Thank you fuck you that's why. I feel much better.

I was pleased to find that my bike commute affected my lunch with Blender action (no additional equipment needed, and ingredients put together to take advantage) Access a Ride: perhaps a better Blender?

ge™ said...

Late to the game. So much to say today and none of it involves my morning routine - you're welcome. And despite 942 suggestions, I"m not about to change them. Meh, no one left to read this. Typing's for suckas.

Anonymous said...

I read it, but I'm not suckas.

RoadQueen said...

Wake up, skip downstairs, let the puppies out to go potty. Go potty, let puppies back in. Shower, dress, work. THEN coffee.

Because hey, free coffee at work and I'm a tightwad.

Work, home, bike trainer/workout, food, bed. Schedule may vary, but this is what it is when I'm not running around to holiday crap.

Chris Bonner said...

Anonymous 11:17 -

The site for the fixed-grinder says it holds 20 grams. I wasn't thinking about the lower density of the herbaceous blends.

McFly said...

I always assume a porn producer is like a race car team manager. He gets to do a few "hot laps" when he damn well pleases.

mikeweb said...

Just lettin' air-way-one I won't be hangin' here next week due to holiday related crap.

But I'm guessing that Snobtastic will be taking the rest of the year off, so fuck it.

englishstu....... said...

I'm loving the Gear Grinder and at only £350 (or 570 of your US type Dollars) what a bargain? This has instantly solved most of my Christmas present dilemmas!

One Hole said...

Sleep, bong rip, sleep.