(plus)
(plus)
(plus)
(equals)
Spreadable Fred Sled Malcom Edgar?No, you schlemiel, it says Philadelphia Bike Expo!
Which is where I'll be tomorrow, Saturday November 9th, at high noon:
By the way, when I say "high noon," I only mean it in the Wild West sense. I mean, sure, if you want to show up high that's your business, but please don't be Robs Fords high.
So I don't get it. Does Fords want to kill this guy, or have sex with him, or both? And if it's both, what order does he want to do it in?
All I know is that: a) The kids today need to stay off the crack; and b) Ford's heart is going to explode like a jelly donut with an M-80 in it.
Anyway, inasmuch as I will be in Philadelphia tomorrow and I have fabulous prizes to give away such as t-shirts:
(Just giving away shirts, not the full Rob Ford kit as shown above.)
And hats:
(Actually these hats, not the "partying with Rob Ford kit" as shown above.)
And Knog Blinder lights:
(If Robs Fords so much as glanced at a Knog Blinder his heart would explode like a jelly donut with an etc. etc. you get the point.)
I will not be administering a quiz on this blog today.
Instead, I will be doing the quiz LIVE! at the Bike Expo tomorrow, which will accomplish two things:
1) I can give away prizes to people who get the right answers;
and
B) It will allow me to pad the hour since otherwise I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to offer.
So take this extra day to study up, and as for the rest of you who are not lucky enough to be in Philadelphia tomorrow (or who are lucky enough not to be in Philadelphia tomorrow as the case may be), well, tough noogies for you.
Lastly, let's have a big round of applause for the United States of America, land of the free and home of the fucktarded:
It's worth noting that the local news is nearly as stupid as the person who made the sign, since the conclusion of the piece seems to be that cyclists and drivers need to respect each other, and not that the person who who did this is a stupid fucking idiot with a serious mental problem who could be a threat to public safety and should probably be sought out and given treatment.
Really, it's a cry for help--though of course if the person had come right out and asked for help I'm sure they would have spelled it "halp."
Anyway, that's it from me, see some of you tomorrow, see the rest of you on Monday, and may you bicyclest to the fullest this weekend.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
132 comments:
first !! west coast win
yer all a bunch of sleepy heads !
Present!
Dang!
Wildcat:
Since you refuse to come to the middle of the country anymore (Cleveland doesn't count), please send a box of Snob Swag to me and I'll dole it out to Crosspalms, Flyover Guy, et al.
Thank you, and enjoy your trip.
Oh!
I had a successful stop at the liquor store last night. They just happened to have a beer and wine tasting event for 15$. They lost money on me.
DB,
I think we can all agree that the Topeka Bike Expo just doesn't have the same draw.
I am going to assume the participants in the Noogie Still Life eventually shot 2 nice rounds of soft porn.
Maybe they had already shot it and he was just rubbin it in.
Everyone above is on the crack cocaine & have been partying all night.
Or just didn't read. X Poe. nice.
I love you, too. Happy Friday!
10st!!!!
Scranholio!!!!!
11teenth!
I shall refrain from gloating that I am in the much sought-after Underneath Babble spot.....
OH HELL YES I WILL!!!!
Gloat, gloat, gloat...
...the person who did that is a stupid fucking idiot with a serious mental problem who could be a threat to public safety and should probably be sought out and
SHOT. Just sayin.
We've already got a fordfuckingtarded gene pool. Time to clean it up some.
Yarpo... :D
XX
Love the pictograms. Enjoy the expo.
Still eating pussy......
babs, you gotta cut back on the caffeine
Isn't it obvious? WCRM IS nonplussed bib shorts guy. When you see him tomorrow he will be IN DISGUISE....
Nonplussed.
Anon@ 11:04 - you don't know anything. I don't drink coffee.
Spankenstein
that is what I call my junk.
coal miner
foot
bag of crack
pick
toe
gram
Had to get that out of my system after I realized I wouldn't get any right or wrong answer videos by clicking on Malcolm or Edgar. Or the cheese. Enjoy Philly!
Lirchie 79
Mayor Mike's office just released this:
5.1 million Citibike trips, 10 million miles since May.
Pretty amazing.
Also, wonder if Lance is getting part of profits from the Big Lie?
Why would you run over the cyclist 'THEN' get a head on accident?
Snobbers,
It's tradition to pull on Steve Bilenkys beard while in Philly.
Safe trip...
Friday + Sunshine + Beer + Wife Cleaned the Pool = 3 1/2 day weekend starts now.
*sniff*
we love you too, Snob
That Robs Fords does some crazy shit while on his infamous drunken-and-or-coked-up binges. Who knows, maybe he does drive down south of the border, and write psychotic signs extolling the virtues of vehicular homicide? It's as likely an explanation as any other. Thank Lob that Canada doesn't have nukes.
Have fun in the Land of Cream Cheese! And steak sammiches. :)
(Love is such a strong word, but I like you, too.)
Philly fun quiz.
East county, San Diego, misspelled message. That's above average for the area!
Perhaps the best way to describe East County is that God, a meth dealer, and a Tea Party candidate told someone to put that sign up.
Just don't go.
Jon Stewart Loves him some Fords
Fordfuckingtarded? Enjoy!
Wildclits Rogue Machine,
I would join you in Philly, but I'll be singletrackin Delaware.
Join me if you dare.
FLUN KWIZ
RIDE NICE
By the way Sir Snob - I see you are positioned against Bike Share Philly as competition.
apparently Philly is only a year away from the death and destruction and visual distraction brought by blue bikes
If you're only two choices are running over the cyclist or getting in a head on collision, than your doing it wrong.
(see what I did their)
These people are confusing the words 'share the road' with 'get the fuck out of my way'.
"Who loves 'ya Baby?!"
Snob does, that's who.
Oh no anon, there's no confusion.
God, or a tea party candidate want cyclists off the roads. The Bible says so.
The local meth dealers don't mind cyclists as long as the cyclists buy something for Rob Fords on the way through.
Or, maybe you just hate 'mericuh.
Robot st ack fail ure
Rob Fords is making Canadians want to sew US flags on their backpacks.
Plutarco.
I always suspected RTMS loved me, but it's good to know.
How come the Blinders you're giving away have 300 genuine lumens, but the ones in the ad next-door only have regular lumens?
At least we "smoke local" out here in the hinterlands. Cook our own. Usually in small flammable trailers. I think Rob imports his. And really, "I will fuck him when he's dead..." ??
I thought I was a hothead.
(Enjoy Philly. Wish I was there. Please, do not attempt to use Cream Cheese for saddle sores.)
Funniest comment of day goes to Anon at 12:13.
Well done, Sir.
Hey WRM, no fair! You give all the east coasters all of the cool shit, and the only thing I got during your last Portland BRA was an Ass Saver. Not that I'm ungrateful for the Ass Saver, as I'm really fond of it (my ass, that is).
I'd just love to have one of those BSNYC t-shirts to wear at the next Cross Crusade, to see what kind of reception I'd get from the people with the huge bike garage. Forgive and forget, I'm sure.
Dear Snob -
Where on earth did you find a picture hairy legged David Zabriske giving noogies to an anonymous red haired girl? Is that what the master of the DZ Nuts empire is doing with his retirement? I.e., growing his leg hairs out and giving noogies to anonymous red haired girls. I sure hope his roadie buddies don't find out that he has stopped shaving his legs and a doubly hope that Mrs. Zabriske, by whom I mean his wife (although I doubt his mother would approve either), doesn't find out that anonymous red haired girls are sniffing his armpits.
Sincerely,
Freddy
309 blicyct
WOW.
Whoever made that sigh should get a job at Texas art supply, home of many misspelled hand made signs.
I want to meet that person and donkey punch them.
If I go to the trouble to put a Ginger in a submissive hold and forceably rub something on her head it's not going to be my fist.
KRE-P NUGY
And the ironic comment of the day...
Indeed a cry for help. And the scary thing is all he has to do is walk down to his local wallmart and get an assault weapon and he can express himself in a more personal way. Thank you NRA and Wayne Lapierre for being brave enough to stand up and protect our god given and constitutional right to bear arms. There is a special place waiting for you in Hell and it goes a little like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVRPz6-Tkww
My analysis of Mayor Mike's stats (as Presented by DB) suggests each that each New Yorker has ridden a Citibike an average of 1.19 miles.
Dear Santa,
What's a donkey punch?
Cheese Fred Chariot Fur Hat Writer?
Robotext: mprefeon. Ask your doctor for a free sample.
DNKY PNCH
Anon @1:45:
I will tell you the same answer I got when I asked my brothers what the meaning was.
READY..
If you have to ask you will never know.
Who knew that "docking" was the same thing as "pen capping"?
I didn't.
Have a nice trip to the capital city of our great nation.
I find I am uncharacteristically unable to get all pissed-off and worked-up and hell-fired at the "moran" with the sign. But if someone happened to stop by and perforate it with 4-5 shotgun blasts I would probably find that satisfying.
OHHH WELL
WAR& DETH
I gotta run to the head before I have an ACCEDENT
xoxo, Snobbie!
And DB, don't forget to send some swag my way. I'm especially fond of the bong--brings back some good memories. Maybe.
Since to "accede" means to agree or assent, then presumably there's a word for someone who does this, a.k.a. an "accedent?"
You don't want to know.
THE TWEED RIDE IS IN PHILLY TOMORROW TOO. HEY SNOBBY, BE AT THE WATERWORKS AT 11:00AM AND MAKE FUN OF US.
CYCLE
No qwiz??? What is edumacation coming in this contry coming too?
McFly: Elbow?
Yogisurf from San Diego (42K mile bicycling-biking commuter) says: That sign was posted on Honey Springs Rd, a favorite Fred ride in San Diego’s east county. The road is narrow with a very small shoulder but typically has very light traffic. I have seen cyclists riding 3 abreast around blind curves with sport motorcycles coming at them from behind at 70+MPH. These cyclists are asking for it; I believe there have been some accidents. The fool-with-the-sign needs to take Snobby’s advice and “USE THE F%$^ BRAKE PEDAL”. If the fool’s house burns down, no tears here.
One bong for Frilly,
Check.
I hope no one needs to contact Expedia customer service today. It's located in the Phillipines.
Everyone hates roadies.
Thus, I offer this translation:
It is better to run over a superlatively most bicycle, and subsequently get in a head on someone who agrees to things because they don't share the road.
Clear now?
IT IS BETTER TO RUN OVER A BICYCLEST THEN GET IN A HEADON ACCIDENT BECAUSE THEY DONT SHARE THE ROAD.
AND THEY IS TWO SKINNY.
GET A BRAIN, MORANS.
Mississippi Queen,
If you know what I mean.
***Robs Fords Update***
Doug Ford thinks Rob should take some time away, in Florida. Rob Ford in America's shlong is perfect.
STND GRND
Maybe they meant antecedent? Must be pretty freaky to run into yourself. So they've got the whole self preservation thing, combined with the constitutional right to not be delayed an extra 10 seconds of texting time at the next stop light and I totally get where they're coming from - thanks for the head's up East County Tourism Board.
CC - Now I want to see the video of Rob vs. US Border Agents.
@CC I don't want that fat bastard down here on the redneck riviera sweating on everything. What the hell. Send him on. Put him in some liberty overalls, a wife beater, and he'll fit right in.
He'll be on Oprah in two years, "I was used ta be Mayor, now I wash myself with a rag on a stick."
Signs.
I didn't take pictures. On the path of the most fredly ride of Georgia and Alabama someone has put up the old timey hand painted guilt trippy church signs, Burma shave style. Nailed to trees.
Not properly quoted, but sorta like this:
Did you go
To church this week
You found time
To ride your bike
Jesus made time for you
Don't burn in hell ( I think with special flame effects)
Enjoy your ride
See you in church
On and on
Maybe it's just a Southern thing
They are everywhere.
I was riding on a Monday, did I feel guily, of course.
In the one-horse town of Nicasio, in Fred-roaming territory north of San Francisco, there are two printed signs urging people to keep their voices down as they ride by so as not to upset the residents. Now I know Freds boasting and bloviating is tiresome to listen to, and they are not actively wishing harm on anyone, but are voices really more of a disturbance to the bucolic Sunday than the hundreds of Ducatis etc that use the Nicasio Roas as a test track?
ROADIES ARE JUST ABOUT THE MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE ON EARTH, AND THEIR IS NEAR UNIVERSAL HATRED DIRECTED TOWARDS THEM.
If you want to avoid being pelted by slurpees and driven off the road, the best thing you can do is study the behavior of the roadie, and do the exact opposite.
Frilly Chick has moved off coffee and onto bongs. Coffee wasn't a high enough high anymore, I'd guess.
Rumor has it that Rob Fords is at this very moment sunning himself on Wreck Beach. Maybe Babble can scoot on down there and get a picture of Moby DICK.
Excuse me but Cleveland does count. Although Nob didn't bring any swag with him when he visited so maybe not.
That bicycle is very confusing???
I'm not sure where to start, shifters/handlemabar, how does the headset work, the crazy beefy bottom bracket with floating dots, asymmetric front spoke pattern, the integrated fender/tire clarence thing with residual front derailleur seat tube stub, etc, etc.
Anon @ 4:20 - who do you include in this roadie classification? Anyone who dares take up precious pavement space from cars? If so then stuff your slurpy up your ass.. if not then have a nice day.
JLRB, it's CJ. Don't pay him no never mind, unless you want to.
DOOD, how long have you been riding bikes, that you don't know what a roadie is???
Roadies:
-travel in packs of 20 plus, taking up the entire road, and ignoring all traffic laws.
-wear obscene leotards
-shave their legs
-descend EN MASSE on some coffee shop, blowing up the restroom, making it so people who actually live there can't get a coffee and pastry in peace, AND ACT LIKE THE TOWNSFOLK SHOULD BE GRATEFUL that a bunch of middle aged tossers decided to invade their sleeply hamlet, BECAUSE THEY BOUGHT A FUCKING COFFEE. NEWFLASH: buying coffee does not make you well loved. PORTLAND
I HAVE NOT BEEN SMOKING WEED
I'm the kinda guy who pulls his pants down to his knees whilst urinating. It keeps the underwear cleaners afterwards since any other way leaves me with a few extra drips...
PISS FLAP
Ducatis are mellifluous, I'll take that over fred-boasting any day. Harleys are like paper - covers rock, disproves Spock. Or are Harley's the rock that crushes scissors & lizard? Can't sleep through Harleys.
No, no, no. The bong brings back memories of back in the day when I had no responsibilities and could spend half the day in a haze.
Caffeine is definitely my drug of choice these days. That and chocolate.
Pathetic, non?
ge--No, you can NOT sleep through a Harley. My neighbor bought one when she was going through some kind of mid-life crisis. I could care less except she revs that stupid thing up right under my bedroom window 30 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. She even put tassels on the end of the handlebars like a little girls bicycle. Ridiculous. Sensing my displeasure yet?
BamaPhred- Bit different up here. I just saw a sign saying:
If Jesus comes back, kill him again.
Looks like the church could do with some new leadership...
Just practicing my "accusatory silence."
WWAHHHH JOHNNY ISN'T SHARING THE CAKE HE WON'T GIVE IT ALL TO ME I WANT IT ALL
Dood I have been riding bikes for over 530 lunar CYCLES, and I have learned that many doods have different definitions of what a roadie is. For some doods it is anyone that rides somewhere besides dirt. Most importantly, I dood believe that buying coffee makes me well loved (at least more self loved)
Cream Tri Beanie Neckerchief. I totally failed the pictograph quiz.
Week in review:
I have a pickemup truck sos no roof rack to smash my bikes.
I have a bell because it works 99% of the time Power of the Bike Bell and yelling "on your left" sounds angry & most people (peds OR bikes) don't have any idea what it means.
I don't like bibs because they ride up too high, are warmer, and the suspenders make me feel like I'm wearing a backpack when I'm not. However since Kenda gave us a pair this year to advertise their tires, I have found them useful for the cyclotrossing because the "riding up" becomes a positive feature: with all the dismounting and mounting they stay up better in order to not get caught on the nose of the saddle. Backbone Racing
Comments suck more than usual today. Here are some people hurting themselves. It's hilarious!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=460Om_7v0Ck
I think WCRM's first book accurately summarizes what Roadies are.
But out here in flyover country, we have hoards of mountain bikers who behave like roadies, too.
By the way, this post is not a bid for some "Seal of Disapproval" swag.
I got my fill of disapproval when I recently rode my winter commuter, instead of my road bike, on my very first ever Fred Ride.
By the way, can somebody explain to me how anybody can stand to ride a Colnago?
Every Colnago I saw had a big prick on the saddle.
Cheesy Bike Black 'n po'
Anon @ 1:41
Assault weapons can't be purchased at Walmart. Please, switch off MSNBC, take a deep breath and learn to think for yourself.
Just look at Babs comment at 10:53... She admits to being a liberal and there she is wanting to shoot someone... Disgusting...
And RF at 2:31... Shame on you for your evil thoughts..
Point is...you libtards love to bash the NRA but I don't know one NRA member that wishes anyone get shot... I think that type of hate is reserved for the liberals
Shame on me indeed, I promised never to think about shooting signs when I signed up for my MSNBC Liberal Card!
Frilly, never could figure out why Harley's take 50 times longer to warm up than any other motorbike. Now I'm finally realizing they don't need to.
noustab 58 - robot terminator don't like 'em either.
I think those hats need helment mounted knog lights.
Dear anonystickinbutt @6:13
Jeez. Take me seriously then. Who peed in your cornflakes?
Er... and who said anything about being liberal? I will cop to disgusting every once in a while. ;)
Frilly
ge's got it right. Haven't you seen this?
SouthPark – The F-word
ge - you are right that singling out Ducatis was not the best example. I am sure there are lots of other noise machines and flying sofas that blat through Nicasio on the weekend.
I went to an open house on my block in the city one time, and they were touting the place as a quiet neighborhood, and I said, well yes, except for the Harley and Buell dealership down the hill... I especially love the ones with sound systems that the old dears try to blast over the unmuffled tailpipes.
Repent Sinner of thy roadie ways or the God of love will see that you burn for eternity in the lake of fire.
Harley actually patented the single pin crank design which gives them the "loping" exhaust note. At the cost of a significant amount of power ironically. Honda tried to build a Shadow with it in the 80s and HD shut them down pretty quick.
These numbnuts who use the term liberal pejoratively don't know that the Constitution, the Bill of Rights is a product of liberal thought and ideology.
Liberalism allows and protects the existence of Fox News and the Tea Party.
If our Founding Fathers would've foreseen how irresponsibly the descendants of the peasantry would behave, they would've established a monarchy.
todays comments really suck*...does anyone still have that picture of the church that looks like a penis?
dancesonpedals
* except the bit about Canadian backpacks
Vegas, awesome. Why'd I stop watching that show?
anonymous 8:46- Your use of the term "liberal" shows YOU don't understand what the Founding Fathers wanted, either. They wanted a very small government, NO standing military, only well trained, ARMED citizens.
Please do some research, and you'll see the mass shooters are intelligent, liberal(your definition) mentally unstable people. NOT Tea Party, NOT NRA members, not the average Joe. Just because you blame conservatives for the USA's troubles, doesn't mean you're blaming the right people.
>By the way, can somebody explain to me how anybody can stand to ride a Colnago? Every Colnago I saw had a big prick on the saddle.
If there is a big prick on the saddle then the only way to ride a Colnago is to stand. Unless you like to sit on big pricks - not that there is anything wrong with that.
Ron Paul, small government in size? Please, for a country with limitless potential? YOU don't know the meaning of conservatism. The reach of government into the personal lives of the citizenry; its influence on a person's choices is the whole point of a SMALL government. And liberalism is what makes the concept of small goveremt possible. Get the paradox?
ANON 6:13 - you really think nobody with an NRA card wants to shoot someone? Nice generalization. And nice failure to pay any attention to what prominent fucktards like Ted Nugent (WANGO TANGO THIS) has said about wanting to shoot various liberals. Including saying President Obama should suck his machine gun? Don't bury your head in the sand. I know plenty of NRA members that are extremely responsible gun owners, who use guns to hunt and take safety to the extreme. And guess what, some of them vote D. But when NRA board members are making gun violence threats you can not say you don't know any NRA members who want to shoot people, unless you are burying your head somewhere.
My dog woke me up this morning by yelling "Yo Adrian, Adrian, Ad-reeee-annn" and blasting the theme from Rocky on his boom box.
I don"t get half the stuff he does.
Even after he offered to "explain it to me like I'm a four year old."
Ride safe all!
Maybe the founding fathers were wrong. A good number of those good men were bending things in ways that met their personal gains. Robert Morris paid pennies on the dollar to war vets and then used his power to ensure the conservative government would pay him 100 cents on the dollar. And Good George Washington had his policies shaped by his massive land holdings in Western PA. So whatever the founding fathers may have wanted, its always all about the money. And not a one of them sat his scranus on a bicycle, so what could they possibly know about cream cheese, fred chariots, Malcum and Edgar?
Frilly, chocolate - yes, yes. Dark is the way I go. For a great bar, but yet low priced compared to the "artisan" stuff, the Ghirardelli 60% Baking Bar, is a steal at under $3.00.
Babble & Commie Canuck, First news reports about Rob Fords blow south of the NSA border. Now I'm hearing on the news that a "Massive Arctic Cold Front is going to "invade" the NSA from CANADA" Couldn't you please keep it for yourselves instead of exporting it? Good neighbors don't blow on their next door neighbors unless sex is involved.
I want to give the red head a Love Noogie. She has that dirty look. Probably up for anything this side of a Donkey Punch.
Frilly I will be under your bedroom window at 11 pm "revving my Harley up" if you are interested.
Ha, you mean lots of noise but at the expense of some power (thanks McFly).
Sunday NY Times article (on line today).
"Is it O.K. to Kill Cyclists?"
"In these articles, I found a recurring phrase: to quote from The San Francisco Chronicle story about Ms. Le Moullac, “The truck driver stayed at the scene and was not cited."
”http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/10/opinion/sunday/is-it-ok-to-kill-cyclists.html?hp&rref=opinion&_r=0
Fucking hell, that NYTimes opinion piece. He correctly points out that drivers suffer no consequences for negligent driving. Yet for some reason he feels the need to conclude that somehow cyclists need to "earn" respect. If people pulled their heads out of their arses long enough they'd notice that motorists technically break traffic laws all the freaking time. Very few drivers come to a complete stop at stop signs, the majority don't do so in an unsafe way, but it's also not that uncommon to see drivers go through fast enough that they would have caused an accident if a pedestrian or car was in the wrong place. And don't get me started on lane discipline and speeding. People seem willing to give vast latitude to drivers breaking rules, yet expect cyclists to slavishly adhere to laws that were written based on the sight-lines and speeds of cars.
Yep, pjt and Anon, read the article,too.
I think tomorrow's post has been phoned in.
I keep looking for the cyclist or pedestrian in this photo I'm sure there was one somewhere. "No Criminality"
So let me see if I have this right. It's not okay to kill cyclists. And part of the solution to this little snafu is to have cyclists scrupulously obey all traffic laws.
Interesting.
Imagine a New York Times article that concludes that the NYPD's application of its stop and frisk program is troubling, but part of the solution would be if people of color would commit less crimes.
The "Is It Okay to Kill Cyclists" article would be offensive if it wasn't so silly.
Oh well, at least we're having the conversation. That's a start.
IT'S FAIRLY AMPLE POSTERIOR MONDAY!!! Get out there and back it up ladies. Make the booty go smack.
Now that's something I can see myself getting behind....
Weed! Oh, wait, this is Friday's post. Weed away anyway.
I'm pretty sure that Nugent was about as serious as Babble when they said they would shoot someone.
If the comments go political, I may have to just go for a ride!
NINNY
Ann Coulter? Na. It's Jay. But where's silent Bob?
Please remove this image
http://null-entity.deviantart.com/art/Siblings-Noogie-389516275
From your blog, it has been used without my permission.
Thank you.
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