Monday, December 5, 2011

Some Nerve: The Audacity of Audacity

This past Friday, you may recall that I mentioned the following Wall Street Journal article about the Portland bike racer couple whose exotic homestead features a luxurious crabon-filled bike cabaña:

To my surprise, Friday's post has subsequently accumulated something on the order of 15,000 comments, due largely to the fact that some readers objected to my irreverent take on the article.

As a blogger, I welcome and enjoy all commentary I receive, whether it's positive, negative, indifferent, or just random anonymous people posting one-word comments such as "scranus" and "nipples." This is because I love my "job," and anybody who so much glances at this blog--to say nothing of actually reading it and taking the time to leave a comment--makes my "job" possible and is therefore exalted in my eyes. Furthermore, I expect to receive negative comments, firstly because I often deserve them, and secondly because, well, this is the Internet and not a kindergarten classroom, and it's vital for society to have a socially-sanctioned blow-off valve in which it's acceptable for people to call other people douchebags.

Nevertheless, I was a bit puzzled by the negative commentary in this case, since I really hadn't even said anything mean about the owners. If anything, I gently ribbed them by trotting out the same tired Portland jokes I've been making for years, since I am a sustainable green blogger and thus recycle all my jokes. In this case, the joke was basically that the Butlers' bike room was not "smug" enough by Portland standards, because it had a bunch of race bikes and no "bake feets." Har, har.

At first, I was tempted to put the negative reaction down to regional cultural differences. See, the owners of the house are from Portland, as are the offended commenters. Sometimes I forget that as a New Yorker I'm regularly exposed to something called "humor," whereas Portlanders only encounter it maybe once or twice a year. Therefore, on the rare occasions when they do happen upon it, they tend to get confused in an endearingly Spock-like fashion.

To test my theory, I headed over to BikePortland, where proprietor Jonathan Maus had also mentioned the article. More to the point, he mentioned it in a sincere and joke-free fashion, just as I suspected he would:

Nevertheless, Portlanders were mad at him too. Even more interestingly, they were mad at him for exactly the opposite reasons they were mad at me:
Babygorilla December 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

Wow. Just wow. I'm generally pretty cynical in my postings, but I think I'm done with this site. A $1.5 million house for a "financial analyst" and his wife and they're holding fundraisers as the thing's being built and it took the comments to point this out on a site that is simultaneously cheerleading the OWS/Bike Swarm movement? I hope that the community support last winter saved the Butlers enough to upgrade to a redwood sauna.

http://bikeportland.org/2011/01/14/buck-a-pint-fundraiser-will-help-send-portland-racer-to-cyclocross-worlds-46058

Recommended 30

As you can see, 30 people "up-thumbed" that comment--that's more approbation than was received by any other comment on that post. So basically, people were angry with me because they thought I was being mean to the Butlers. Yet, at the same time, they were also angry with Maus for not indicting the Butlers on ethical grounds and castigating them for a perceived lack of integrity.

Of course, this is only part of the story, and other commenters were angry at me because they somehow thought I was actually encouraging #Occupy protesters to break into the Butlers' house and form a drum circle. Obviously this was not my intention, and to think that it was is--let's be honest--completely crazy. I mean, to say that I wanted anybody to break into their house is like saying these guys actually want you to jump into a garbage disposal:



Though I do maintain that the fork-in-the-garbage-disposal dance is poised to become the new drum circle. Just imagine thousands of people doing this at once. "The system" would topple overnight.

However, in retrospect maybe it was a bit irresponsible, since those #Occupy protesters are pretty impressionable. For example, a lot of anti-#Occupy people like to tell the protesters to "Get a job!," and at least one protester has gone and done just that--as a financial analyst no less:


She’s gone from Occupy Wall Street to occupying a job on Wall Street.

Down-on-her-luck protester Tracy Postert spent 15 days washing sidewalks and making sandwiches at Zuccotti Park — then landed a dream job at a Financial District investment firm thanks to a high-powered passer-by who offered her work.


Given the fact that the protesters will clearly do anything you tell them no matter how antithetical to their cause, it's only a matter of time before the 1% changes their heckles from "Get a job!" to "Wash my car!," thus transforming the #Occupy movement into one giant brush-free car wash.

Nevertheless, if you're crazy enough think I was telling people to break into the Butlers' house, then you're also crazy enough to think that Jonathan Maus was doing the same thing:

That sounds to me like a threat--assuming, of course, you're completely insane.

Anyway, I try to learn from all my experiences. So what have I learned from this one? Well, I've learned the following:

1) Portland's hemp veil of smugness is actually masking a lot of repressed anger that they are channeling into cyclocross, artisanal handicrafts, and blog commenting;
2) Never, ever, ever leap into a garbage disposal;
3) Dried fruit is delicious. (This has nothing to do with the house post, I just ate some dried fruit for the first time in years recently and really enjoyed it.)

Most of all, though, I grew nostalgic, for I remember a time when, like the Butlers, I too warranted a mention in the Wall Street Journal. In fact, I warranted two: here; and here. However, in those cases all the responses were universally positive. To wit:

3:17 pm March 30, 2010

Robert wrote:

Well it’s terrific that this self acclaimed bike snob “is at peace with revealing himself”.

Is this some kind of early April Fools Day joke!

New York is filled with snobs. Delicious to know we now have one for bikes.

3:23 pm March 30, 2010

Anonymous wrote:

Who cares?

3:40 pm March 30, 2010

Anonymous wrote:

Never heard of him, love it when the snobs put down 10 grand on a silly bicycle, more money back into the economy. Most of these people are just buying the bikes to impress their friends…


Actually, now that I look at them I guess they weren't so positive, but at the time I was much too happy to care, and I'd like to think the Butlers are feeling the same way.

And while we're on the subject of bike storage, here's a question:

Which is more ridiculous, having a lavish storage space for your 22 bikes, or having one custom bike that takes up your entire home?

I'd say you can make the strong case that the latter is far more ridiculous, especially since it describes me. 29-inch mountain bikes are very large, especially with appropriately voluminous tires and wide bars, and mine makes me the equivalent of those people who buy flat screen TVs that take up their entire living room. Here's my bike filling a Long Island Railroad this past weekend:

Sure, you might say having a fancy Engin singlespeed makes me something of a hypocrite, but in my defense I need those high-end bearings because it's physically impossible to keep it in my tiny home without at least part of it being in the shower. This means the bike is subject to water each and every time I bathe, which can be as frequently as twice a week. Also, bike bloggers need fancy bikes so they can make "epic" offroad excursions in faraway, exotic places like Queens:

Where they compensate for their poor riding skills by taking pictures of their fancy bikes:

And rummage around inside their impossibly smug Rivendell fanny packs (oh yeah, I totally rode in a fanny pack this weekend) in search of dignity:

After which they go back home:


And luxuriate in their designer saunas along with members of the Liquigas team:

(Forwarded by a reader)

While watching irreverent singlespeed videos on YouTube:



Of course, while taking gratuitous photos of your equipment is important, if you don't also upload the details of your ride to a social networking site then the ride didn't happen, so if you want to see my ride on Strava you can do so here.

It was, I'm sure you'll agree, "epic."

And if all of this hasn't yet turned you against me once and for all, consider that this stolen "bake feets" was recently recovered not far from where I live:

And despite walking right past it while was missing I did nothing whatsoever to aid in the recovery. Granted, I had no idea it was stolen, but that's only because I don't do my part for the "bike culture." Everybody true "bike culture" member knows that you're supposed to regularly read "bike culture" blogs and study stolen bike postings, and that you should determine the provenance of any "bake feets" you see in Brooklyn before moving on--especially if it's located outside of the Park Slope/"BoCoCa"/Williamsburg/Greenpoint smugness nexus.

At the very least, I should have photographed it and made fun of it, and maybe the owner would have seen it and something good might have come out of this blog for once.

Really, I should be forced to forfeit my fancy bicycle and ride a "bisexual" bike, like this one I saw on the Twitter:

70's Raleigh 3 SPEED Bisexual i suppose boy or girl could ride it :>) - $80 (EAST LANSING)
Date: 2011-12-04, 2:08PM EST
Reply to: [deleted]

Nice shape

Will need a little Hub work that little thing that goes in and out in the center of back wheel is not shifting good

CLEAN WE HAVE KEPT IN THE BASEMENT

Space might be a problem, but I could always put it in the sauna with the Liquigas guys.

179 comments:

JB said...

Where should we break-in today?

Anonymous said...

TOP TEN BIKE BOX BOX BIKE ACTION!!!

Unknown said...

blimey PODIUM!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Fore!!!

Anonymous said...

early....

Anonymous said...

toooop teeeen

le Correcteur said...

Top ten! Read it!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Take a load off fanny.

Anonymous said...

I got recovered a stolen long emma twice..the thing that bothered be is that they didnt call me to tell me that they had lost it a second time...

mr.pissta

Name said...

top ten because I read everything and slowly.

ÁM I douche or am I douche?

Rapper D Lite said...

Hey! I ride a single speed too!

Anonymous said...

anon 1155 edit

I recovered the same stolen long emma twice..the thing that bothered me is that they didnt call me to tell me that they had lost it a second time...


mister pissta..breaking wind for the pack

Anonymous said...

ew who takes a sauna in bibs? That's nasty, even for europeans.

Anon 11:58 said...

And socks! WTF? When I finally get my pro contract, ya'll gonna see my sweety sauna balls.

Anonymous said...

scranus, nipples

Anonymous said...

I prefer to call them bum bags..
much more tweedish

streepo said...

duodenum

mikeweb said...

When I saw the "stolen box bike" headline on that notice, I was expecting to scroll down and see something lavender and flowery with a front basket, or perhaps a mixte at least. Anyone?

Anonymous said...

Wow, a $1.5 million dollar home and the Butlers hold a fund raiser for their own profit? This guy is definitely a "financial analyst" of the type that received one million dollar bonuses after the massive $7.7 trillion dollar federal bailout.

Snob, you weren't nearly mean enough.

Terre Haute Karl said...

Shiftin' is so very whack

John and Jane Doe said...

We can only conceive a child through artificial means.
Today's post convinced us that we want your sperm.
Got a minute?

mikeweb said...

scranus = taint 2.0

Anonymous said...

I thought cyclocrossers were supposed to be good humored folk, that took heckling in stride as they went about their business.

These two are the obviously uptight, affluent roadie type that we all despise.

Oh, shoot, sorry wishiwasmerckx, I did it again.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

broke in just in time

ant1 said...

snobby - "Everybody true "bike culture" member knows..."

Chris said...

I'm continued to be surprised that anyone takes this blog seriously.

Tim Butler said...

Scranus!

Sue Butler said...

Nipples!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Isn't this blog about laughing at ourselves...







....or, err, um...have you all been laughing at me?

Anonymous said...

Somewhere in America this afternoon, a Cat4 racer, will plank himself down in a suana wearing bibshorts and socks.

Anonymous said...

A million buck house and he asks for donations? WTF?

This guy (Butler) needs an old timey flogging.

crosspalms said...

Last time I took gratuitous photos of my equipment and uploaded them to a social networking site, everybody got so bent out of shape I had to resign from the House of Representatives. Lesson learned.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

just as there is nothing wrong with Douchemachine having some fun with the Butler's poverty, there is simply nothing wrong with those same Butler's arranging a fundraiser to send Sue to the Worlds.

is there some sort of cutoff in the real estate value you own before you can ask your friends and neighbors to help support your sportsmanship?

Also: Scranus!

Cortelyou Anquetil said...

Snob--

Why are you going all the way to Queens? Haven't you noticed the small army of jerkoffs "crashing through the woods" at Prospect Park? Tired of making "fixie" skid videos, I suppose they've "discovered" the small area where myriad folks used to smoke, drink, fuck in communion with "nature" and Flatbush Ave.

It's like the Mount Tamalpais of Brooklyn, man.

Maybe we can meet the Butlers their sometime too, woo-hoo!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

and I mean "Butlers" not "Butler's" because "Butler's" makes no sense.

Anonymous said...

Bulter shmutler.
Stupid looking house.

McFly said...

People who live in glass bike houses should not throw headsets, not Chris King headsets anyway.

Comment deleted said...

I find the gratuitous use of "Scranus" in these comments (or any other New Jersey city name, for that matter) to be in *very* poor taste.

Please remember, profanity is the last refuge of the inarticulate motherfucker.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I don't care, whatever.

Buy-cycle said...

Top 50? Jolly good. Cavendish got an MBE last week, for his "services to British cycling". But in a world of internets and things, I guess that counts as old news.

Anonymous said...

crosspalms said...
" I had to resign from the House of Representatives. Lesson learned."

December 5, 2011 12:59 PM


Best comment 2011. Thank you Weiner.

Anonymous said...

This post is marginally relevant to me in that:

1) I also have bikes scattered willy-nilly throughout my tiny apartment.
2) Partly because of this and the bike gear, clothing, and tools also readily available throughout, the wife refers to me as "bikesexual" and occasionally introduces me as such at parties.

Anonymous said...

I recently thought my bike was a bisexual, it was acting a little strange and introspective so i assumed it was wrestling with its sexuality. As it turns out it was just suffering from seasonal affective disorder brought on by the changing seasons and shorter days. For the record I wouldn't have loved it any less if it did indeed turn out to be bisexual.

Anonymous said...

Peta Todd's vagina!








balls?

Anonymous said...

scranippelustaintivitis

Anonymous said...

all of you sensitive portlanders can suck my scranus. or lick it anyway.

urchin said...

Aw, buck up snob!

We still regard you...

Safety Squirrel said...

Never go into the sauna without your helment.

Etherhuffer said...

Ha, Scranus-Snob, you just outed the Portland-Seattle psych profile. Cool on the outside, erupting on the inside. Its called the Scando-Japanese style. We smile as we plan to rip your heart out(See: Bill Gates).

OTOH, What annoys old style or actually 'real' NW folks, is people who live in McMansions but swear that they are all environmental because they recycle their pop bottles. Or who build "environmentally sensitive houses" across some virgin stream in the woods. Uh huh. Thus the bile out of folks about the bike museum in the Butler's basement.

cyclotourist said...

"Where they compensate for their poor riding skills by taking pictures of their fancy bikes"

Hey, I resemble that comment!

Anonymous said...

comic revelant to bisexual bikes
http://eatthattoast.com/2011/09/bi/

Grump said...

Jump on Portland with both feet.....
.
.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC, your bike sucks. Did you pick that fork over a normal uni-crown fork because it's heavier, weaker, more prone to knee smacking, or just cuz it's stupid looking?

Your stem is too long. Get some real bars. WTF is up with those grips? Was the LBS out of matching body geometry saddles, too?

Cable brakes, rly?

Billy said...

Haven't laughed this hard in a while. Thanks BSNYC. I wish you'd spent a bit more time lampooning what passes for bike culture here in Boston. I guess the occasional links to Firefly's creations will have to do. Portlandia is just too tempting a target.

Also, the commenters have been on a serious race here. I coulda been a contenda! For the top twenty, at least. Except not only did I read, I even watched the fork in the garbage disposal video for a solid two minutes.

TaintBrocation said...

I just wanted to see my own post.

Yay Internetz.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:50pm,

Don't worry, the noseless saddle is just on backorder.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

HalfStep&TheGranny said...

@ Billy.

Your are highlarious for mentioning the non-existent Boston bike culture.

Now get off the sidewalk with that fucking hubway.

Nice flip flops too you dirty Allstonian.

Billy said...

@HalfStep&TheGranny:

Thanks! Just what I needed. Now I feel all special. I guess this is how Portlanders feel all the time.

Anonymous said...

All pictures of men in saunas are gay. No exceptions.

wishiwasmerckx said...

So yesterday was the Las Vegas Marathon, contested on the strip.

The same company that owns Velonews also owns the Rock & Roll Marathon series. At their booth at the exhibition hall, they had a 15 foot high banner of Kara Goucher running in a sports bra and those little cheerleader panties that elite women runners wear.

I am pleased to report that Kara is still HOT.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

i think the stuff growing in my knickers might be boston bike culture - should i have that checked?

Anonymous said...

scranus

Mumbles Menino said...

mumble mumble mumble hubway mumble mmble

wishiwasmerckx said...

That photo of the Engin was actually taken in the mud room of BSNYC's luxury apartment. The earnings from this blog bought him an escalator IN HIS HOUSE!

Do you have an escalator in your house? Yeah, I didn't think so...

Martin Erzinger said...

Nipples?

The butlers should be shamed, but his buddy architect should be broken into and violated.

The butlers are my kind of people, unless they get in front of me, and I am intoxicated with the smell of my newest car.

Anonymous said...

Snob,

You've gone too far. A couple of times I thought, anyway.

Friday's column wasn't an example however. The Butlers, and their defenders really should have taken a second look at the article before ranting, but I guess you already said that.

People do like to get angry.

Anonymous said...

Scary anus.

Samurai Cat 6 said...

"Fuck 'em, if they can't take joke."

"They're Portlanders."

"Oh! Well in that case...feelings,
nothing more than feelings...
trying to forget...
feelings in my heart!...
feelings!...oh, woe, woe, feelings!
oh, woe, woe, feelings!..."

Fork you said...

DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING

Fork you said...

DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Fork you said...

DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I think Vito is trying to type the Great American Novel again.

Fork You, we get it said...

now jump in the disposal, please.

CommieCanuck said...

All pictures of men in saunas are gay. No exceptions.

One exception, a picture of Chuck Norris in a sauna, which cannot be found, because Chuck doesn't allow photographers to live in his sauna.

Fork you said...

DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING DING DING DING DA DING DING DA DING DING

McFly said...

The AMA placed a drain in Chuck's sauna to catch his sweat because it can cure Type 2 Diabetes.

Freddie Fender said...

That song never fails to deliver.

PawnShop said...

That Raliegh Sports is not bisexual - it is pretty clearly lesbian. And possibly a vampire lesbian. Nipples!

Old NYC bike messenger from Portland said...

Snob, the post about the hase was the funniest shit you have written in awhile. Dont get saddened byt he negativity out here in the "society" Cmon buddy! I remember a certain bike blogger who, not so long ago, would have said something eloquent and to the point like...All you haters suck my balls. And moved on to more important stuff like "Who is making the better front chain ring mover over thing" Those were the days. So remember your name. We are here for the bikes more than the snobs. So wipe your proverbial vagina and get back on that saddle! (even if it did cost you WELL over a hundred dollars and you are embarrassed every time you sit on it) OK? feel better? You are the man! You Big Dummy! rider. Ride On!

Anonymous said...

Tilford's mtb pic's are cooler.

Marcel Da Chump said...

I have two dykes, er, I mean bikes!
And they're both pretty hot.
Just can't keep 'em
in the same room.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I knew the Douchemachine had a vagina but had no idea it was proverbial.

Now that I l know, I kinda feel bad about some of the things I've said about him in the past.

CommieCanuck said...

Fork you...

Try this on for size.

jno62 said...

Au Contrare!

Comment of the year:

"Please remember, profanity is the last refuge of the inarticulate motherfucker."

CommieCanuck said...

What is this Port Land place you speak of people? One imagines rivers of red tawny, and unicorns, and chicks with hairy legs and Birkenstocks wearing hemp dresses. Valhalla.

I.e. the opposite of three sweaty euro-dudes in a sauna.

CommieCanuck said...

Isn't wiping your proverbial vagina masturbation?

mikeweb said...

Fuck Portland. Starboardland rocks!!

Anonymous said...

Superfluous third nipple.

yogisurf said...

Scranus, Nippels and upside english 3-sps.

Anonymous said...

nipples

Anonymous said...

scranus

Anonymous said...

Some new york girlzilla would pay a lot for that raleigh.

cycle

JB said...

What is cyclocross? Just get a mountain bike already. Maybe then you won't need 22 of them.

crosspalms said...

spoke nipples

Anonymous said...

Peta Todd's vagina, muthafucker!

JB said...

If it was so important to get to the Worlds, why didn't they just sell a bike or two on craigslist?

Actually, that's a good idea, I'm going to have a benifit party for myself. I want a new bike.

bubba said...

I liked the Sheldon Brown shoutout in the rap video.

RIP Sheldon

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

hunnert

Rapha said...

bespoke nipples

CommieCanuck said...

"Please remember, profanity is the last refuge of the inarticulate motherfucker."

Fucking right. I think that quote was from Queen Elizabeth II.

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

My municipality's talented road workers have once again mamged their snow removal duties in such a way as to ensure that heavily rutted glaciers form in the streets.

When I was in my 20s and 30s I relished the challenge. In my 40s I accepted it grudgingly. Now in my 50s, every front wheel side-slip ramps up my stress levels to where I don't want them.

Any thoughts on what are the good, better, or best studded tires? (700c x32 or narrower)

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

managed that is... I really should proof read.

CommieCanuck said...

NBC (not the lame TV network).

Bikes and ice don't mix. Tires won't help.

Anonymous said...

to anon 453

last time I bought a studded tyre it was finnish-tell them snow and ice don't mis... I think they were called
Hakka pallitas...they made sparx on the pavement when you locked up the wheel...
maybe you could check a finnish bikeblog and see what the state of the art is ...tell us about any sauna/bike in you find too please..



mr.pissta

crosspalms said...

I've got studded tires, but I'm with CC. They help on crusty roads and packed snow, but on ice or ruts they barely add enough traction to make up for how s-l-o-w I have to go. But Peter White has a great page on studded tires. It might help.

Anonymous said...

please excuse the typosd in previous post..was walking off a curb and pressed send on accident from the hbar backlash...i think i need to get a steering dampener..can you suggest one? please..

mp2u

paulb said...

I'd been thinking BikeSnob Towers must have one heck of a bike storage room. So wrong, so wrong....

TheMoarIKnow... said...

The mOAR I wants the 22 biekses to be mines.
Operation smug liberations commence.

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTSSSS!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You know,
there should be a Reality Show called "The Butlers!"

I suggest 22 episodes, each one featuring the life of one bike.

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob;

You left out the best WSJ comment of all:

mk wrote:

"so much for my theory that bsnyc was mr gay himself"


You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

I would pay $80 for nearly anything bisexual.
Except that bike.

Anonymous said...

Only studded tyres worth using are Nokian.
Bring your checkbook.
The mtb tires stick on anything - because you always have multiple studs hooked into the ice.
You can blast right across the frozen lake - and even lay over into turns.
Road tyres are a bit more sketchy because the studs are furthur apart.
Go with extra thick tubes and low air pressure and you're good to go.

Anonymous said...

WCRM,

I was bored at work, so take a closer look at your bike.

Base price for a frame is $1995
Stems: $325
Seatposts: $250
Forks: starting at $250
WTF, two grand for a tig welded mountain bike frame?! Did he at least whisper in your ear or pull your hair?

I can't believe you got a custom frame with such a long ass stem. You are doing it wrong. It looks like you got a custom short axle to crown fork. Awesome, now you can never use a real fork. And it's not like you did it to get a low bar height, cuz your are running a million spacers.

You have an artinsally curated hipster machine that is the mechanical equivalent of a $999 Kona Unit.
http://konaworld.com/29er_singlespeed.cfm?content=unit
Same brakes and everything. Though the Unit has a nicer fork than your cycle. Orange Julius, too!

I guess the extra $3Gs was worth it for the vintage geometry. Long rear ends, short toptubes coupled with boner stems, and ultra steep head angles went out of fashion for a reason!

Blog Drafter said...

Snob, ha: 15,00 comments, ha, no way.

Ben Levy said...

Great post once again Eben "Wildcat" Snob. I once ventured up the coast to Portland and while I felt it was a very pleasant place to visit I vowed no more excursions beyond Weed Ca.For some time to come.We may soon have a Rapha uprising here in San Francisco as you well know the origin of but I think some of Humbolt counties finest and a slinging of tattoo ink and all might be well before anything gets out of hand. Which by the way I need a little of right now to subdue this ridiculous "DING DING DING DIDIDING DIDIDING DING DING DING" in my head. Look forward as always to your next post.

Anonymous said...

Anon 7:07

lighten up. Anyway, I bet Snob got a special price. Or do you actually think he "occasionally features", for no apparent reason, that 29er or his stainless roadbike on this blog just to showoff?

BikeShopGuy EAST COAST! said...

@ Anon 7:07
You certainly made a few very big assumptions about the construction of that there single speed.
Your biggest folly was comparing it to an off the rack pile of shit averaged out for everyone under the sun, mass produced by people who are treated like animals and have no concern for the task at hand aside from surviving another marathon 18 hour welding shift.

And while I'm at it.
Only WUSSIES get suspension forks on single speed mountain bicycles.
Learn how to read a trail instead of reading up on all that marketing BS.

Love BikeShopGuy EAST COAST!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Nebraska bike commuter ( non-Dwi edition )
I didn't miss a full day on the road for several winters. My mountain bike had studded tires, so I'd go with 32 or higher.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 7:07pm,

Always happy to entertain someone who's bored at work--it's why I write this blog.

I like suspension forks and derailleurs, and I do have a (very non-custom) bike with both of those things for when I want them.

However, given where I live and the type of riding I like to do, I end up riding a rigid singlespeed for my off-roading exploits most of the time. Therefore when I finally decided to get a "really nice" mountain bike, I wanted it rigid and derailleurless, and there was no reason to get a suspension-corrected fork on it, since I'll never put a suspension fork on there anyway. Why not just have the optimum fork for the bike?

As for the other stuff, I don't think 430mm stays on a 29er exactly qualifies as a "long rear end," there's only one headset spacer on there, and I don't think the stem is long either--though I did explain to the builder that I'm extremely insecure about my manhood, so maybe he indulged me by giving me a little extra. Anyway, whatever he did the bike rides great, even if it looks funny to you.

As I said in the post, I'm pretty bad at riding bikes, and a Kona Unit would certainly be plenty of bike for a schlub like me. Nevertheless, like most aging mediocre cyclists I decided to indulge myself. So I got exactly the mountaining cycle I wanted, and I'm extremely pleased with the results.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

I lock up my relatively low-end aluminum roadie in my building's basement. The three krypto locks are worth more than the bike and i always remove the saddle and post. It takes me 10 mins to squeeze between the junk bikes surrounding it, unlock the three locks and tangle of cables securing my bike and extract it. If the spokes are intact and no one has slashed the tires, I ride that day. Are there any Portlanders who do that?
ps, my wife won't let me keep the bike in the apt and calls me scranus at parties,,,

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

After some research and keeping in mind that my commute is so un-epic that walking it generally adds only 5-7 minutes, (depending on conditions) and seeing the prices of good studded tires while keeping in mind that I normally buy tires at swap meets for maybe $5-$10 each, and not having the option of taking the bus, I think I'll be walking to work for a while.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:50 & 7:07

Money down it's Mr. Butler his own self, gettin' some payback!

Andy Squirrel said...

This blew my mind:

http://bikeportland.org/2011/01/14/buck-a-pint-fundraiser-will-help-send-portland-racer-to-cyclocross-worlds-46058

Efraim Goodchild (the Eastman Conservatory of Music) said...

I still can't believe that good, trusted friend of the Butlers' got called an idiot and accused of adultery, just for defending his friends.
Sometimes this place reeks of some wierd new drama.

red neckerson said...

aw fuck

JB said...

@Efraim Goodchild (the Eastman Conservator:
And you're a pederast.

Tiny Earl said...

NBC ( sober )
Even though you're not in a densely populated area, through the internet, and with time, you could put together a set-up similar to WCRM's machine, for about 500 bucks. His gearing is perfect for snow and ice.

Anonymous said...

Hey BikeSnob,
I'm a "long time listener, first time caller" who lives in Portland Oregon and loves your blog.
I found your write up about the Butler's house to be rather tame. Recently I stopped reading Bikeportland and switched their bookmark with yours. Now my daily bike blog reading leads to laughter rather than irritation.

resell phone cards said...

Great article....!!!Nice to know about new things with helping concept.

leroy said...

Now that I think about it, jumping in to a garbage disposal does seem like a bad idea.

If that makes me a sycophant, so be it.

Thanks, Mr. Wildcat Rock Machine! You're the best!

But I have to disagree on a different point.

Fool me with that "pull my finger" routine, shame on you.

Convince me to poke my head into a sauna occupied by guys from a team whose name sounds like "leaky gas," shame on me.

Anonymous said...

i just had a nipple cramp.

Anonymous said...

I think it's really fantastic that they designed a house that really fits in to pretentious Portland culture and not the neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Isn't a three speed a trisexual?

g-roc said...

Snob, I suspect you're concerned your citizenship application to Portlandia might get rejected. It's not worth it duder, offend away.

Anonymous said...

Do you also have the Liquigas photo prior to that where they are each getting blown?

Anonymous said...

Snob, big wheels and a flaccid nosed saddle...what's up?

Anonymous said...

I love dried apple and apricots!

Privateer said...

You ride a single speed?! That's an off-road fixie, you hipster!

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Talk Aboot Bun Cakes... said...

@ 8:43
You need a new wife.
Unless you has the one with the nice BB.
Then I understands why the locking and unlocking you go through.

leroy said...

Dear Makeityourring Diamond engagement ring--

Sycophant.

Gnarly Gnarl said...

I wish rap had stayed in that NYC borough.

1 on it. Guys bumping and grinding...on each other!

classic said...

rappers steppin' to me
they wanna get some,
but I'm the Kane
so, yo, you know the outcome

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Bike Locks said...

At first, I was tempted to put the negative reaction down to regional cultural differences. See, the owners of the house are from Portland, as are the offended commenter.

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