Wednesday, October 9, 2013

It's Wednesday All Over Your Face!

Bonjour.

Parlez-vous français, motherfucker?


(Trick photography makes this livre look like a giant Francophonic monolith, which it's not.)

Moi neither, but you can get my book in the French now from Marabout, presumably wherever books, baguettes, and berets are sold.

Moving on, here in New York City we're going to elect a new mayor soon.  Republican Joe Lhota says the best pizza is Grimaldi's:


(Lhota mimes cradling an ugly baby and/or stuffing his face.)

While Democrat Bill de Blasio says it's di Fara:


(De Blasio mimes bringing a delicious slice of pizza into his pie hole from the side.)

As for me, I say who gives a shit?  Firstly, botha 'yas look like you could stand to lay off the pizza for a little while.  Secondly, only an asshole waits on line for two hours for a fucking pizza.  Thirdly, pizza nerds are right up there with the most annoying people on the planet, and I put them on an equal plane with bike dorks, vinyl enthusiasts, and "street art connoisseurs."

What I do know is that Lhota intends to keep the current police commissioner, Ray Kelly, who recently announced that the official NYPD policy is to throw up its hands and give up when it comes to drivers who kill:

 “We do have 8.4 million people here. We do have a daytime population that’s over 10 million people, so you’re going to have a lot of traffic. And you’re going to have accidents.”

“We’ve worked closely with Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan; I think they’re doing a great job,” Kelly said, mispronouncing his fellow commissioner’s name as “Sadiki-Khan.”

Kelly defended NYPD crash investigation procedures and the partial reforms enacted last spring, but when it comes to cracking down on reckless drivers, the commissioner said there was little police could do. “Many of the advocates, and I assume you are one of them, want us to make these determinations when we haven’t observed the violation,” Kelly said. “It takes in-depth examination of a violation. It takes witnesses. It is much more complex than you might think.”

I mean, we all knew it, but it's still creepy to hear him actually say it.  So yeah, if you're wondering why the guy who ran over five schoolkids on the sidewalk on video hasn't gotten in any trouble, it's because the case is apparently too complex to crack.

I do actually like Lhota's "don't really give a fuck" riding style though, as forwarded to me by Leroy's dog's owner.

As for de Blasio, his policy is "Vision Zero," which sounds good on paper:


(Thinking about pizza.)

Though while I've heard his opinions on pizza I haven't heard much out of him on all the unprosecuted pedestrian deaths recently.  (And there have been a shitload.)  I'm sure he's afraid of alienating the drivers before election time.  He did, however, share his thoughts about bicycle commuting on Reddit:

TinkTailSold 

Hi, Mr. de Blasio.
If elected, will you ever bike to work?

deBlasio 

Unfortunately not, but let me tell you a story and I'll explain why I give you that answer. In 1990, I was in Seattle with my brother Steven, and we both bought mountain bikes, and we went on an amazing bike trip through western Montana, which is a really beautiful place… best seen by bike. Then I brought my bike back to Brooklyn, and although there were a few years when the kids were younger when I used it a lot, in recent years I almost never have used my bike. That's the sad truth. So I don't think it's likely I'll be using it to get to work, although I really appreciate and admire people that do, And I want to make it easier for people who do.

Oy.  He put his foot in his mouth there like it was a slice from di Fara's:


("Bikes: They're great in Montana.")

We are so fucked.

But let's turn away from all this negativity, at least for a moment.  Did you know today is a holiday?  No, not "Simchat Torah."  That's not even a real thing, silly!  It's my favorite day of the year, Messenger Appreciation Day!!!


In 1991, a mayoral proclamation decreed that October 9 of every year would be Messenger Appreciation Day in San Francisco. October 9 is “10-9″ in radio code and means “Say again” or “What?” 10-9 Day is celebrated informally all over the world. In 1997 Toronto joined San Francisco in celebrating Messenger Appreciation Day with a joint proclamation from the City of Toronto and Metro Toronto.

10-9 Day has been proclamied or recognized by Calgary, Chicago (proclamation), Edmonton, Portland, SanFrancisco, Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver , Houston and Washington DC.

San Francisco, huh?  Does that mean they'll take a break from totally screwing cyclists today?  (San Francisco wants to be New York so badly it's pathetic.)  By the way, if you don't know what a bike messenger is because it's the year 2013, here's a short documentary to get you acquainted with the concept:



If that's still not driving it home for you, just imagine a living, breathing smartphone "app" that will gladly live on your couch for three months if you let it.

Anyway, here's how to observe this auspicious day:

--Hug a messenger.  I know they're scary looking, but they love hugs.
--If you can't find a messenger in your city because they're obsolete, hug a food delivery person.  If all the food delivery people in your city use cars, just go to a café in your city's trendiest neighborhood and kick a "fakenger" in the groin;
--Refrain from sending PDF attachments.  Every time you send a PDF attachment a messenger gets one less bong hit;
--Round up the kids like it's Christmas morning and smash the shit out of a fax machine;


(If you're unfamiliar with the concept of the fax machine, it was a crude device that was basically an analog PDF.)

--If your workplace lets you use messengers, messenger stuff gratuitously.  Obviously there's almost nothing that actually requires messengering anymore, so you can always just send blank paper, pens, or your stapler to your friend across town.  Also, remember: messengers get paid more for oversize items, so if you can get away with it, steal all the toilet paper from your office bathroom and messenger it to your home.  #OccupyBathroom
--If your workplace doesn't let you use messengers, you can always lure one to your workplace and give him or her a gift.  The best way to do this is by placing a fake Craigslist Missed Connection.  Here's the general template you can follow:

To the HOT messenger outside the lobby of [your work address here] - w4m - 28 (Midtown)

You had sleeve tattoos and one of those bags with a seat belt for a strap and you did that scissor-kick thing when you dismounted your bike.  When you did it your nuts slipped out through the hole in your crotch and it really turned me on.  I have a pickup for you, so please come to [your floor here] and make a premium rush to my vagina.

Dozens of messengers (all males, alas) should arrive within 20 to 30 minutes, at which point you should present them all with gifts.  Don't worry, you won't have to break the bank!  Good gifts for messengers include:

--Canned beer;
--Those ambiguous cellophane-wrapped fig cookies they sell in the delis;
--Those coily plastic arm band things so they can wear their u-lock keys on their biceps;
--Cat food (they all have cats);
--Obamacare;
--Crest teeth whitening strips




Lastly, here are some Messenger Fun Facts:

--The typical bike messenger now derives 95% of his income from feature film stunt work and energy drink sponsorship, delivering only one (1) package a year to qualify as a "working messenger" for international competitions;
--Bike messengers wear pro team kit way more egregiously than Freds, but nobody gives them crap for it;
--It is said in the Book of Proverbs, "As a dog returneth unto its vomit, so does Hollywood returneth unto the bike messenger..."


I mean seriously, have we learned nothing?

[Unrelated to bike messengers but related to the theme song, remember when everything had to have funk in it?]

Lastly, here's a dramatic "Craigslist Bicycle Ride Along:"


Now I know why every other person in Brooklyn is riding a 20 year-old Cannondale that looks like it came out of a time capsule.

118 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

podio

Serial Retrogrouch said...

i'm on a roll this week

Serial Retrogrouch said...

fuck it... third place too.

Freddy Murcks said...

Well, hello there good lookin'.

3754 nyivic

McFly said...

MORESONGSABOUTBUILDINGSANDFOODORIMAFUCKINKILLYA!

ubercurmudgeon said...

So, what is the French word for scranus?

Anonymous said...

Top ten!!!

Flyover BC said...

Top ten again.

Freddy Murcks said...

I am a vinyl enthusiast ... when it is stretchy and worn by comely dominatrices, that is.

outzdm 15

McFly said...

Lick it asshole.

Babbleoff said...

Lick it pink scranus.

Anonymous said...

Top twenty - would've placed on the podium but got some gravel stuck in my non-gravel-specific dick breaks

ChamoisJuice said...

Guilty. Honestly, good pizza is the MAIN thing I miss about NYC area.

I am not too particular about specific ones, but:
-there should be a glass counter with fresh pies underneath.
-The pizza guys should be south american immigrants, wearing an apron, and covered in flour.
-Refer to customers as chief or boss.
-Know what the fuck I'm talking about when I say "slice & a coke". Not, what kind of piece of pizza do you want? Plain cheese? Whole wheat crust? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

Wow, you are out of touch.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Yarpo said...

Damn! Serial Retrogrouch has dopplegangered the podium! Is it the planets? is Mercury in Utero or something? Howda Hell He Doodat?

This is a vodka-free comment, in case any of the Martini FundaGintalist Cabal is reading...besides, I haven't had breakfast yet. I also have no vodka because the irony of that whole gin-vodka conflagration is that I'm actually Rum-scopalian as far as Religions of the Spirits goes...a family heritage thing.
So I have rum...but no Cocoa Puffs...breakfast will be rough.

streepo said...

Nice menage a trois Retrogrouch!

Moral Tartuffery!!

chutern 130

samh said...

In Montana, we've got more cattle than people.

Shammy Jews said...

GEFILTE FUCK OUT A HERE!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Snob,

Scott - he ofScott's Pizza Tours is one of the coolest guys - not a nerd - take you, the Mrs. and some of the "17" on one of his tours - so much fun.

And I'm a Lombardi's guy, btw

Anonymous said...

Eeeewwwwww

g. said...

Uber,
I think it's

"le Scranus"

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

www.scottspizzatours.com

stupid internet!!!

crosspalms said...

Maybe David Byrne is moving to Berlin along with the rest of the creative class. A cellist was quoted in today's NYT as saying Berlin is like New York was 30 years ago. She's 31, so I guess she'd know. Anyway, if he does move to Berlin, how long will he have to wait before he can pick up a German edition of your book?

DerZoots said...

Yeah it's got the handlebar tape on there!
THis guy is one of those self absorbed "life is good" types of selfish dicks. Everythings rosy as you screw folks.
$150 WAS a good deal for that.
FFS.

I just had chocolate cake and some cola. It's my new pre-ride fuel-up.
Yes I'm making up on the hyphen quota.

You'll love this retro-grouch comments section. I'm riding 60miles roundtrip to swap a PF30 BB
for a PF30 to BSC adapter.


WTF is going on with the Primato purchase! Has this happened yet? Stuck on color choice or size or both. An enviable quandary.

And I'm off till later.

Robot catch phrase: 462 bilepac

Serial Retrogrouch said...

there's more to those putzs (putzi?) comments about pizza than meets the eyes...

i know grimaldi's was embroiled in some Building Code grandfathering of their coal oven... and for that they had to kiss some major ass...

not sure about the other place... but you can bet it's involved in some back scratching, scranus licking by the putzum...

Yarpo said...

Couldn't handle the 34 second Porsche ad that precedes the Lhota video.

San Francisco wants to be Manhattan in the very worst way. I came to that conclusion many, many, years ago while working near Union Square. It's SF's dirty little secret. Very sad...

Vinyl..........

Comment deleted said...

'Tis not the funk of your father.

cicadashell said...

if 10-9 day is indeed celebrated in countries other than the U.S., as the fellow says, then it would have been celebrated last month, on the 10th.

dnk said...

"But let me tell you a story and I'll explain why I give you that answer."

Bill de Blasio, you've got a pretty lame story: rode bikes on vacation once with your brother Steve; rode some more when your kids were little. But now kids not little so no more bikey-bike?

Billy dB, WTF?

donzo said...

"In 1997 Toronto joined San Francisco in celebrating Messenger Appreciation Day with a joint"

Pfffffffft heh heh.
He said "celebrated with a joint"
heh

P.P. LePew said...

French for scranus is "Sarkozy"

Krakow said...

Last week I was taking a brief after-work ride up through W'burg and Greenpoint on my Fred macheen though not douched-out in my Fred garb. When the giant black SUV just in front of me swerved over into the bike line and hit the brakes, nearly compressing me into the parked cars, I did a little "hi-ya" action on his rear panel with my fist of fury. Of course, when I managed to go around him, into traffic, this fine Latino specimen was all rage at me, threatening bodily harm and such, though he wasn't that serious since he didn't bother to roll down his window. And then, just a little farther down Kent on my way back home out of the hipster zone, I found myself riding the same speed beside a convertible LeBaron from the 80s for a little while. I meant to ask the two hip fellas whether it was Jon Voight's car, but I was still too shaken up from my encounter with el hefe and his SUV de muerte.

This I will tell at the next city council meeting on bicycle-vehicle interactions.

DB said...

I want to examine Retrogrouch's bio passport data.

Marcel Da Chump said...

10-9? 4-20!

babble on said...

Ooooooh, snobbums in the french....

mmmmm....moist...mmmm.... sooooooo goooooood

How are we doing? Everyone still here? Need some more? Happy to fill up yer love cup, anon with the hardon. Just let me know how you like it.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

DB, you'll have to contact homeland security... they have the 911...

...10-9?

the Jimboner said...

Late finish, had to squeeze all three of my balls back into my crotch hole.

CommieCanuck said...

Geez..NY is fucked.
You guys should emulate the CDN municipal system, vote by however weighs most, then just follow him around with an airplane.

Skinny guys are too hard to follow.

JamMasterCray said...

WTF up with all the baskets back in '92? I mean, don't get me wrong, huge improvement over the mess bags (or any bag). SF RULZ

Ramble On said...

Ugh...slobbums...my lady-slice weeps for you...yawn...

CommieCanuck said...

BSNYC...now for sale in the country that thinks Jerry Lewis is a God.

<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mKj3PZf_vwY/UkrjlgtiwyI/AAAAAAAAu8Q/4mxxmnqtsKY/s1600/Born+To+Be+Wild+For+TNW+%7C+Flickr+-+Photo+Sharing!.jpg>Hey LAIDEEE.</a>

That shit should sell well in Quebec, as long as there are no anglais words, or even the French word for English. You've already removed your religious headware, so vous etes bon pour allez.

FROG SNOB

GREN OUIL

ken e. said...

my nerd stylings are more about documentaries and foreign films.

VIFF 2013
PZZA RICO

CommieCanuck said...

balls

Hey LAIDEEEE.

CommieCanuck said...

WTF..

Hey lady

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Wild Cat Rock Machine --

Ixnay on eferring-ray to me as my og-day's owner.

I'd never hear the end of it.

In other news, I experienced the NYPD's kinder, gentler enforcement of traffic safety this morning.

An officer flagged me down as I was rolling to a stop at the busy intersection of Clinton, Cadman Plaza & Tillary.

The officer wanted to remind me to stop for the light I was already stopping for.

How could I complain? She was so nice about it.

My dog thought she was kind of attractive, but I reminded him that it's not a good idea play his "look at the cute doggie" card with an NYPD officer.

The potential for misunderstandings in a social context is great enough without adding handcuffs and sidearms to the mix.

Anonymous said...

This post failed to speak to me, so I will not speak of it.

Comment deleted said...

Commie, I was delighted by that headline referring to the Fords properly in plural (until I read the article and was disappointed).

Serial Retrogrouch said...

leroy... were you by any chance carrying your dog in a messenger bag this morning?

balls™ said...

Vinyl?

Really, I'm more of an 8-track guy.

Anonymous said...

Better than yesterday! But really, what isn't?

db said...

Christ on a cracker, there are dinks who think that their Craigslist purchases are video-worthy? Zut alors.

babble on said...

And on anon anon it goes. Some trolls just don't know when to leave well enough alone.

The road calls... laters, peeps!

ge said...

Um, wow. I was going to say something about coffee snobs being on a whole other level than pizza nerds but, uh, never mind.

15 PapanyR - even robot's getting in on the pizza nerd action

DB said...

Zoots:
The Primato purchase is in a holding pattern as of now. I want to go to Chicago and check one out.
Are you in Ccrosspalms?

Anonymous said...

Nice foreshadowing, Robert Patorelli in the double rush clip saying he didn't do enough drugs and that he could be dead now. Fast forward to 2004, and looks like he got his wish, dead of a drug overdose.

4chan said...

Db,

Duder got the video on BikeSnob, so he's seeing his traffic spike and dreaming of his own cable TV show even closer than ever now that his views have surpassed double-digits.

$100 for that bike? That thing is showroom like-new! He should take it apart and ebay the bits for 3x his buy price.

It's like riding a jackhammer. I sold a few at the time.

Anonymous said...

Yo, peace out Babs! Can't wait to see your Strava route and read all about it in your fantastic blog.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Retrogrouch --

My dog is too much baggage to fit in a messenger carrying device.

Last night, while riding up the Manhattan Bridge in the mass start Cat 6 commute occasioned by the red light at the Manhattan end of the span, he was the one whistling the William Tell Overture up-tempo.

I wasn't impressed. It's not like he can do The Flight of The Bumblebee.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

O Recumbabe, Recumbabe! wherefore art thou Recumbabe?

3G said...

It's pronounced Criterium, I think.

DB said...

Grouch:
Luckily for you, that division of homeland security is furloughed for now. Please keep a sample of your urine frozen until further notice.
That is all. 10-4, over and out.

McFly said...

I am going with perinee.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Disappointed that there were 120 comments yesterday without a single reference to the Tom Tom Club.

ChamoisJuice said...

DB, longer top tube paired with shorter stem is going to handle much more confidently than shorter TT and long stem. Unless you have abnormally long legs/T rex arms, I would get the bigger size.

Red makes you go faster, black is always cool. White with all black parts is pretty timeless.

I have noticed that West Coast pizza abortions are rubbing off on NYC. How long have they been selling the Hawaiian pizza for? How many places offer Gluten free crust? That'll prolly be a few more years off gentrification, huh?

Pizza I like is cheap, no pretense, fast, and satisfying. Like most traditional foods, there is a holy trinity of simple ingredients, dough, sauce, cheese. The west coast acts like the pizza, is an edible plate for the toppings. The pizza is just there to hold the smoked salmon, arugala and basalmic reduction. FUCK THAT NOISE.

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of tools for candidates. Think I'm gonna bust a big fat nut in a tube sock and mail it out as a campaign contribution. Fuck all y'all.

McFly said...

Oh cool. I am white with some black parts.

DB said...

That's what I was thinking, CJ, but I'd still like to straddle one to make sure.
Insert comment here.
I'd like the old Eddy Merckx orange and blue colourway, but it's gotta be red otherwise.
McFly: you are pretty timeless.

Mario said...

I don't understand you ignorant east coasters use of the phrase "waiting on line"—native Californians like myself would never make this ridiculous mistake You are IN a line, not ON it. Unless you're at the DMV or in some other place that actually has physical lines painted on the ground, the phrase just sounds stupid. The only other interpretation is that you're physically standing or sitting on someone who is in a line. I guess it'd be accurate in that scenario.
You're a writer, think about it…then cut it the fuck out!

P. Bateman said...

I just wanna dance.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Man that dog paw was one cool duder. Now I got to get me a handcuffs to dangle off my handlebar basket.

Folding aviators too even. Those were the days.

ge said...

Mario, that's the way they talk. Lay your cards in the table and get in board with the program. Just don't go on through the out door. I dunno, is it any worse than any North American who uses the word cheers without referencing drinking? But what do I know? I'm not part of the on crowd.

clocem - exactly, robot

Anonymous said...

Waiting on line for my obamacare.

Dooth said...

So.basically, Commissioner Kelly is giving murder tips to homocidal maniacs. Lovely, just lovely.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mario,

In line, on line, in the ass, up the ass...honestly, what's the fucking difference?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

the Jimboner said...

RCT-

Dog Paw is more practical than you think, those bracelets not only looked cool he used them as his bike lock.

Roille Figners said...

I. Bill de-Blasé's story does not in any way explain why he no longer rides a bike. The closest thing to a reason would be something to the effect of "I have kids," which is first of all a bullshit excuse, but also can be delivered in 3 words without a boring-ass story about Montana.

II. Time for the annual "dress like a fucking carnival ride" articles. My company newsletter has an article today advising me to "make it a priority to 'be seen' when I'm out this fall and winter." Did you know for example that "More than half of the pedestrians killed in Oregon in 2012 were wearing dark clothing and walking at night or in low-light hours"? Yeah but... 100 fucking percent of them were killed BY MOTORIZED VEHICLES PILOTED BY SENTIENT HUMAN BEINGS. 1/4 of a typical city's real estate devoted to cars, some chunk of the military budget (namely the Middle-East chunk) devoted to cars, most of the road devoted to cars, all the police activity devoted to cleaning up their crashes, the courts 100% on their side... AM I NOT ACCOMMODATING THESE PEOPLE ENOUGH ALREADY, THAT MAYBE I COULD ASK THEM TO WATCH WHERE THE FUCK THEY'RE GOING INSTEAD OF MAKING ME BUY A NEON CLOWN SUIT?

Fred Zeppelin said...

Snob,

Jelly, jam? You decide.

crosspalms said...

Primato?

Eddie Fiola said...

Here is how I avoid asshole drivers:

- Ride on streets that suck for cars. Narrow, lots of stop signs, round a abouts, etc. Riding on main auto arteries is retarded. It really pisses me off when bike advocates try to get bike lanes on main arteries. Let the cars have their speedway, and bikes run in an alley or quieter residential road parallel.

- Assume cars don't see you. Assume that they are texting, stoned, drunk or otherwise distracted, and that their likely reaction will be one of aggression.

-Dress like a normal person. I swear, those neon vests scream "PELT ME WITH A SLURPEE!"
But rep the blinky lights when it's dark.

Unknown said...

While it has nothing to do with your post today, I thought you would enjoy seeing Bigfoot on a recumbent

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78n1Q3wVLkI

CommieCanuck said...

I don't understand you ignorant east coasters use of the phrase "waiting on line"—native Californians like myself would never make this ridiculous mistake You are IN a line, not ON it.

A line is something drawn between two points. One waits in a queue. Unless you're in Germany, where everyone just stampedes and shoves.

Bloody colonials. Filthy huns.

ChamoisJuice said...

Bigfoot on bike has already been done by the cinematic, cycling masterminds, Robby & Buick.

Bigfoot's Last Ride - Buick and Robby

Anonymous said...

Félicitations Snob!

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!

So why is it that this is not infrequent? - on a narrow rutted dirt road in the middle of state forest, a cut through from one town to another, a big white Jeep Cherokee runs me off the road...I'm doing maybe 12 mph, the Jeep 20. I catch up to the Jeep, (downhill I followed recklessly) come along side...and she's on the phone - I make the roll down yr window sign, I say, "you nearly ran right over me" , and she says "I didn't see you, sorry!" Oh, alright then - you're blind, I'm wearing RED and there are lights on my bike in the middle of the day. What will it take to get maniacs off the phone?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

rural 14,

the 'i didn't see you' is even more symptomatic of urban areas... there's so much to be distracted by here that a cyclist just fades completely and utterly into the background... i bet you if you lose your bike and start walking, they somehow see you better.

babble on said...

Wow! So you DO read my blog! That's great, very kind of you. Thank you! :D

ps. I forgive you for being so mean to me, and can't be arsed to wish you in hell, since you clearly live there already, trapped as you are inside such a poisonous personality.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

babs...

...who are you speaking with? have you gone nutz?

[WTF, robot says 251 oCancer... is that an irish kind?]

The Drag Queen of Mean said...

Babble on and on...you sound just like me!

babble on said...

Grouch -Yes, absolutely, but my family tree is full of nuts, so I come by it honestly.

Who am I talking to? Same old same old hater troll from hell, the one who takes issue with the fact that I am here, that I comment, and that I love love love this blog.

Comment deleted said...

Sniping from an anonymous platform, our intrepid critic must have very big balls, indeed.

When you attach an identity to posts here (even a pseudonym, as long as it is used consistently), you open yourself up to criticism from cowards who are not willing to do the same.

Anonymous said...

Cycling aside, I'm bracing myself for four years of really pitiful "stories" from De Blasio.

And I think it's écranus.

Richard Hell said...

I'm your man
I'm your man
It's so good that
You can get it from my hand
I'm your man

I'm your man
I'm your man
It's so good that this way hey
I'm your man

You've know them since age ten
What men can do
What they did for themselves
I'll do for you
It's so good that
Oh no, yeah
I'm your man
I'm your man I'm your man I'm your man

You say the time, I can't wait
The place and the time and the date
Just tell me when, I can't wait
Cuz baby, oh no

If I seem unromantic
You're glad that I do
What you say to me proves
I'm more romantic than you
It's so good that
You're so glad that
I'm your man
Yes I am

I'm your man, I'm your man
It's so good that uh huh, yeah
I'm your man

You say the time, oh babe you're on
I will serve you plates containing light, it's dawn
Retaining face and form my fingers linger on
Cuz baby oh, oh, oh, oh, oh no

Well talk about me babe
Whaddaya see
Before you talk I'm gonna get down on my knees
It's so good that you can get it from my hand
I'm your man, baby, I'm your man

Grump said...

As for those five kids who were run over on the sidewalk by that car, I'm sure that the police would nave pressed charges if he had cut off all their feet............

Well.......maybe not.
.
What were those kids doing on the sidewalk, anyway????
.

Jethro Walrus Titty said...

fuck pizza... the real question is who in NYC makes the best bialy?

I used to love those fuckin things with a little butter heavenly morning fewde

babble on said...

Right?! And why weren't they wearing helments!?

McFly said...

That crest whitening strips collabo is pure fucking genius. I lol'd so hard I blew quiche on my dell. QUICHE. My mom made it.

Mr Plow said...

Moreearly80srocktalkourimafuckinkillya

ge said...

Nobody compliment Babs today (this week) - someone's grouchy. ;-p (What hell fire awaits me? And yea verily, he was smoten with a frame pump and she saw that it was good)

wishiwasmerckx said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

babble on said...

Lol! I am grouchy. Sorry. Damned cortisol... my naturopath insists I need it, but it's not pretty.

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Anyone notice that the BSNY comment section seems to have a maximum density potential of only about 100 posts before it peters out? Been this way for years now..

As yet discovered universal law governing this or is it something more sinister?

Anonymous said...

Lanterne rouge!

ce said...

I left 24-7 Spyz Gumbo Millenium to play while I read though the comments today, and surprisingly, I gotta' say, it was better that the sum of its parts.

FUNK ITUP

Yarpo, for your sake at least, perhaps Messenger Day could appropriate the ANZAC Day tradition of rum and coffee at dawn. It's called the Gunfire Breakfast. You could call it the Trucktire Breakfast if you want.

Or not, it could just be the five cans of Victoria Bitter (dessert) speaking.

This comment is dedicated to all the soldiers, who left home to find, a new world. This comment is dedicated to Delta Company, 4th Battalion, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Benning Georgia, Harmony Church, to all the drill sergeants and soldiers thereof.

Yeah, I listened to all 50 minutes 16 seconds of 24-7 Spyz Gumbo Millenium.

Anonymous said...

that scene from Office Space, they were beating up a printer not a fax machine...

Milton said...

--If your workplace lets you use messengers, messenger stuff gratuitously. Obviously there's almost nothing that actually requires messengering anymore, so you can always just send blank paper, pens, or your stapler to your friend across town.

I believe you have my red stapler.

McFly said...

I don't know ce, without anon the comments would probably only hit mid-70's. Sometimes anon is a tool and a troll. But sometimes anon is funny as hell.

Anonymous said...

"McFly said...

We won so suck it anon."

Who's the tool and the troll?

ce said...

McFly, I think you meant to reply to Comment deleted 6:41. I'm the funky one who's cool with anon's jive.

By the way, nice rant Roilie Figners.

leroy said...

My dog claims the title of Mr. BSNYC's book in French is what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris.

I think I shouldn't have let him watch that Quentin Tarantino marathon.

McFly said...

Sorry ce. Look at the big brain on Brett. You a smart muthafukka Brett.

McFly said...

*Brad

McFly said...

Lick it asshole.

McFly said...

*scranus

ce said...

Check out the big brain on the time-travelling t-shirt-wearing retro Fred from the planet Tridork

Stive said...

Lhota is the better mayoral candidate, but he won't win because douche bag De Blasio is playing the race and class cards. Therefore, Lhota's campaign strategy should just go all gonzo and adopt Led Zep's WHOLE LOTTA LOVE as its theme song, with a banner: WHOLE LHOTA LOVE!

Anonymous said...

Lanterne rouge?

Anonymous said...

I think a dental plan is a little more what a messenger needs instead of Crest whitening strips.