Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Today Has "Wednesday" Written All Over It.

Hey!

You know how I have a new book?



(You should always wear a helment while reading or else you could die.)

Of course you do, I won't shut up about it.  Well, in it I wrote some things about Portland which were quoted by The Oregonian, resulting in typical Portland-style hand-wringing:


I should stress that I love Portland.  At the same time, it's hard not to find Portland funny and want to needle it.  Certainly I'm not alone in this, which is why they have a whole TV show about it and everything. Plus, the context of the comments is my asking myself the question every American cyclist invariably asks himself at one point or another, which is: "Should I move to Portland?"  Naturally, the conclusion I draw is a highly subjective one, and while I analyze Portland in a deliberately exaggerated and provocative fashion, the above-quoted section is about how I arrive at it and why.

Anyway, one of the subjects I touch on is "diversity," by which I don't only mean ethnic diversity, but also diversity in attitudes, belief, income, architecture, volume and odor of the dog stools you'll encounter when strolling on the sidewalk, and so forth.  Now, I'm as white as they come, and the two friends I have pretty much look like me and act like me.  I'm also incredibly boring.  I keep old person hours, I eat the same thing every day, and any deviation from my routine generally causes me to break out in hives.  Nevertheless, I come from New York, and one of the things I realized in traveling is that even though I spend my entire life hiding in a cubby I also think I'd miss the knowledge that I'm surrounded by millions of other cubby-dwellers and that I'm just a grain of sand in the vibrant mandala that is this city. I'm not saying that's better, I'm just saying it's what I'm used to, so I find it comforting.  Portland, being a considerably smaller city, naturally feels different, and the facile way to express this difference is to say it's not "diverse"--which touches a nerve with people in Portland.

Really, what it all comes down to is the difference between city living vs. small town living.  It's an archetypal debate, one as old as human civilization itself, which is why it's the subject of some of our greatest works of art:


(It has "Funny" in the title, so you know it is.)

Each lifestyle has its quirks, and each gives one group ample opportunity to mock the other.  The small town people get to ridicule the city-dwellers for paying a premium for pretty much everything, and the city-dwellers get to tease the small town set for being insular busybodies.  And while Portland is technically a city, it does have some small town qualities.  As it happens, after reading the Oregonian reader comments on my Portland comments, I came across the following story on BikePortland:


Now, I haven't been following the story from the beginning so I may not have the timeline completely right, but as far as I can tell here's what went down:

1) The guy in the above photo, Krisapon Chaisawat, joined a bike activist ride in Portland organized by a "new league of tactical urbanists calling themselves VELOPROVO;"

2) Some of the participants in the ride thought Chaisawat looked like Portland Police Bureau Captain Chris Uehara--you know, because he's Asian:


3) The participants came to the conclusion that an undercover cop had infiltrated their ride and that they were living in a "police state;"

4) BikePortland published a story (now deleted, but reposted by Jonathan Maus in the comment section), complete with damning side-by-side photo--you know, damning because they're both Asian:


5) Then, this happened:

[Chaisawat] called me after his wife saw his photos on this site. He said he's from Key West, Florida and just moved to Portland a few months ago. Chaisawat does not speak very good English (he told me that several times I think as a way of explaining why he wasn't more talkative at the event) but said he attended the event after hearing about it on BikePortland and just wanted to go on a ride and meet some people. About the story, he said, "I thought it was an April Fool's joke."

6) Oy.  Just oy.

Now, I should stress that I have nothing but respect for Jonathan Maus, who runs about ten times the blog I do.  I should also stress that I don't think this was anything other than an honest mistake by someone who thought he had a juicy "scoop" and hit the "publish" button a bit too soon.  (Actually, I shouldn't stress these things, I am stressing these things.  Sorry for the lame figure of speech.)

What this does speak to though is that:

1) These "VELOPROVO" characters are clearly hilariously self-absorbed.  They're like a real-life
Judean People's FrontPeople's Front of Judea;

2) When you combine hilarious self-absorption with homogeneity (HSA + HGN = PDX) you make decisions this way:

Caleb said the man he suspects of being Cpt. Uehara was suspicious because he had all brand new "stereotypical biker gear," didn't speak with anyone and was filming everything.

A guy with a bunch of new crap who films everything?  Yeah, highly suspicious.  This only describes every single bike dork on the planet Earth.

Though to be fair it's not difficult to imagine a similar group of "activists" doing the same thing in New York or anyplace else--though it should be noted that when I went to Portland I went to all sorts of bikey events and took pictures under false pretenses without anybody questioning me.

But I guess I must have "looked the part," and therein lies the difference.

Meanwhile, want to know the best way not to be killed by a car in New York City?  Is it crossing in the crosswalk with the light?  Nope:


One harrowing take-away from the report is that no area, it seems, can be entirely safe. Six percent of pedestrians were injured while on a sidewalk. Of those injured on the street, 44 percent used a crosswalk, with the signal, compared with 23 percent who crossed midblock and 9 percent who crossed against the signal. 

In other words, if you choose to walk from place to place you're going to get creamed regardless of whether or not you follow the rules, but fortunately you do have one form of defense, which is to be fat:

Perhaps the most surprising finding was that excessive weight may prove a boon for pedestrians in a collision. Victims with an above-normal body mass index were found to have less severe injuries than their counterparts. “It is not implausible that a greater proportion of torso and extremity fat may protect against injury,” the report said.

So it's finally come to this: obesity is the new helment, and clearly we're evolving to the point that we're developing protective outer layers to protect us on the short walk from the car to the house.  Obviously Bloomberg better rethink that large soda ban.

Also, here's something you already knew, which is that taxis are dangerous:

In a finding unlikely to surprise the city’s cyclists, about 40 percent of injured riders were hit by taxis, compared with 25 percent of the pedestrians. More than 80 percent of cyclists rode with traffic flow, but less than a third wore helmets.

I'd argue that the helment statistic is pretty meaningless, unless taxi drivers are specifically targeting cyclists because they're not wearing helments.  Plus, it doesn't specify what kind of injury.  If a cyclist gets hit by a cab and breaks his collarbone, does it really matter if he was wearing a "safety kippah" or not?

Either way, my prediction is that the next mayor is going to use this study as the basis to tear out the bike lanes and force all pedestrians to wear helments and gain 20lbs--which will make you stand out as an obvious New Yorker should you attempt to infiltrate a Portland activist ride.

108 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ass Monkeys... ATTACK!!!

Anonymous said...

So there...

velobotomy said...

Nice!

DB said...

You can do laundry AND write a blog at the same time?
Impressed.

g. said...

Cue the deer.
Top 10

Anonymous said...

je suis dans le haut dix

Yarpo said...

Tzop Tzen!

The doors are locked. I'm safe from the Ass Monkeys...

grog said...

BOOK BABE
BIKE BABE
BABE LOVE

babble on said...

Naaaaaaaaaked!

ChamoisJuice said...

almost

samh said...

Obesity is the new helment. Lawd hep us 'Mericans!

JB said...

Wang.

g. said...

"Hey Reg, whatever happened to The Judean People's Front?"
"He's over there."
...
"SPLITTER!"

DC United said...

Cause I'm free/Free fallin'

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Well for what it's worth your comment section is way funnier than Maus's.

NICE TITS

Anonymous said...

The diversity issue is Portland coming to a head:

The has been growing numbers in a volunteer organization: Society of Portanders Elucidating Emerging Diversity (SPEED).

Over the past five years it has grown in number 200%, going from 8-23 members. Of course, attendance is voluntary and often times meetings of 2 or 3 people discuss articles and then ride their bikes to grab bacon covered donuts, a symbol of diversity in itself.

Yarpo said...

"tactical urbanists?"
Are you fucking kidding me?
They should be named Meh-lo Provo.

That Caleb douchebag, what an observant guy! Is he the head of their intelligence bureau?

May a Triple Horde of Ass Monkeys swarm over them on their next ride. I can see them now, writhing and screaming in pain, engulfed in the Ass Monkey Fear.

Babble's naked! What a nice day already!

Jai Ho said...

Racial profiling is so 2010.

In post-racial Portland... wait, what's that you say Provosturbators?

Nothing was said on the ride because they figured he'd just kick their ass Gangnam-style.

crosspalms said...

Three mornings in a row I've had a cold north wind in my face on the ride to work and I'm getting pretty tired of it. I'm calling the manager.

Oh, and good luck with the book, Snob! But when I look at the author photo I keep thinking you're that guy who got a weather balloon with points. Are you actually Wildcat Weather Balloon Machine?

JB said...

"As it happens, after reading the Oregonian reader comments on my Portland comments, I came..."

I had to read this 4 times before I figured it out (not that there is anything wrong with the sentence structure, etc.). Also, how about where I snipped off the quote?

Anonymous said...

I feel so much closer to you snob knowing that you too are a hermit trying to live in an urban environ.

"Now, I'm as white as they come, and the two friends I have pretty much look like me and act like me. I'm also incredibly boring. I keep old person hours, I eat the same thing every day, and any deviation from my routine generally causes me to break out in hives."

You, brother have REAL hermit potential.

mikeweb said...

Hey, I think that cop/ activist commented on here yesterday!

Dave said...

You know, don't you, that the Portlandtoids just make these videos to get your goat, jerk your chain, tap on the glass, etc.? Their transparent nonironicality is just a front.

Anonymous said...

Hey Crankypants...great post! Now I'm never going to Portland OR New York City!

Buffalo Bill said...

Man, I hate broken collarbones! Why'd you have to remind me of that?

Mike said...

The NYTimes and others (like you) really screwed the pooch while thinking about statistics on this one. While we NYCers jaywalk a ton, it seems really damn likely that more than 44% of all attempts to cross the street (failed or successful) happen at the crosswalk. So, if only 44% of all accidents happen in the crosswalk, that makes it less likely you'll be hit there than in the middle of the block. I can understand a third-rate paper known for hiring plagiarists to mess this up, but a bike blogger should really have a better grasp of these things.

ken e. said...

like girls farting, there's probably a lot of subterfuge tipping the jaywalking numbers.

Anonymous said...

The take away from today's blog is that New Yorkers only need to gain about 20 lbs in order to reach the desired goal of safelier obese.

Anyway, does anyone besides me think that Bloomberg wants to ban large drinks because he invested in disposable soft drink cups, or because the beverage outlets aren't paying the appropriate kickbacks?

P. Bateman said...

snob, that sort of sounded like an apology to portland? i'm a little dis-a-pointed in you.

babble on said...

Snobbers... thank you for the click through to nipples. I love nipples.

NICE TITS!

babble on said...

It did sound a bit as though you were trying to mollify someone. Are you getting soft, Snob?

yankees suck said...

the next mayor of NYC will be the robs fords?

Anonymous said...

Can we sell Portland to Cananda?

3G said...

c'mon now...seriously?

Anonymous said...

When the helmet is not protecting the cyclist's head, it's covering the driver's ass (i.e. no criminality suspected).

McFly said...

Chevy: "Hey Mac, howw do I get to Redbud?"

Mac: "How'd you know my name was Mac?"

Chevy: "Just a guess."

Mac: "Well then why don't you guess your way to Redbud."

Anonymous said...

Insular busybodies? I dunno, Snob, I've been following the continuing saga of the Prospect Park bike lanes in your blog and I think New York has its share of insular busybodies, too . . .

BikeSnobNYC said...

Mike,

Maybe nobody should be getting run over in the crosswalk.

Anonymous 1:37pm,

This is very true.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

bikeleptic.com said...

regarding the Kris/Cris in Portland incident, I can clarify this is why the Veloprovo group were suspicious of him.

* Showed up at the very last minute with no time to socialize before the start.
* Was filming/taking photos during the ride.
* Had a brand new bike & new equipment.
* Didn't speak much to others during the ride.
* Similar sunglasses.
* If you've only seen photos of the officer from afar, yes they do have a similar look. It was pointed out by a participant on the ride that they looked similar.

All these things separately are very innocuous, but you begin adding up things and a group mentality, paranoia by people that have been attacked and persecuted by police brutality and they get scared.

Anonymous said...

I bin polrtland, it rad
I bin seattle, it rad too
I been some place, I think it was NY, but I'd bee wrong cuz every five blocks you guys think its all different and shit, call it a different name, call it diversity. anyways, it sucked.

but pretty nice compared to bombay, or delhi. the street food in singapore was king. I found the buddhists in colombo to be surprisingly aggressive in traffic. paris sucked for different reasons.
lusaka had bright spots, but all the pavement ended 5 miles out of town, cue the baboons.

please pretty please land a travel book contract mr wcrm.

BikeSnobNYC said...

bikeleptic.com,

"Similar sunglasses" is pretty funny.

I bet they both drink water too.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

mikeweb said...

Well, I will say this about the cop/ activist: according to the study you cited later in the post, they would both do pretty well if hit by a NYC taxi.

yankees suck said...

here in Boston you just cross the street wherever the hell you want and cars stop for you (it's pretty much expected people jaywalk without looking) - today during lunch I bolted out from two parked cars I was crouched between and was almost run over by some d-bag with NY plates.

actually - I was at a cross walk and some dipshit with NY plates almost ran over a bunch of people. we then surrounded the car, bashed in the window, pulled out this pinstripe pinhead, and beat the shit out of him with a full bottle of beer (you know, because it's after noon - otherwise we'd beat him with a bagel sandwich from dunkies - those things are hard as a rock).

Anonymous said...

Portland. What a joke.

Marcel Da Chump said...

pissin' in my crankypants...

NYC Black Man said...

@bikeleptic.com

"...persecuted by police brutality"

You're an asshole.

babble on said...

"...attacked and persecuted by police brutality..." the language Nazi's will have fun with that one.

boys on the hoods said...

Monty Python reference. Nice!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mandala? Snob, thank you for doubling my Sanskrit vocabulary, which before today consisted entirely of "dharma."

the commentariat said...

Babble, especially ones with dark and outsized areolas.

babble on said...

IIIIIII know, right?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Latest entry in the SAT vocabulary builder is mandala.

I counter with miasma, i.e. "...the volume and miasma of the dog stools you'll encounter when strolling on the sidewalks..."

ChamoisJuice said...

BSNYC, you are not pnw white, you are jewish. There's a difference.

PNW/Cascadia has no jews, for whatever reason. I cannot remember the last time I saw a yarmulke, and the average NW resident would feel culturally aware if they could identify the funny hat as a YAMAHA.

NW is entirely too "right on, bro", genuine and earnest for east coast visitors. I miss the sarcasm and general everything sucks attitude. I honestly believe the jewish cultural influence has shaped this NY attitude. More jews live in NYC than any other COUNTRY, including Israel. I miss the kvetching, and frequently want to smack to smile off some tibetan prayer flag flying, vegan dooder. Meh, the mountains, islands, powpow, fish, coffee, thai, mexican, and weed make up for it.....

BIKE SNOB


grammar nazi said...

Sidebar ad = "Czech Tires, Euro Spondee."

Not sure you can ever obtain the elusive claim to spondee whilst utilizing the word "Czech."

Vannah, I would like to buy a vowel.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Chamois Juice, any doubt over labelling you a Jew baiter has now been officially removed.

Someone also told me that Blacks loves them some fried chicken, and that those of Polish descent are somewhat dim-witted. Can you confirm?

Seward Park Jew said...

bullshit, there are jews in Seattle.

source: a jew in seattle.

Jed said...

AQUA COPS

Jed said...

Funny, I was just crankin' in my pissypants.

Jed said...

not sure about the Jewish demograhic in Porland, but when I tried to haggle with a street vendor, he looked at me like I pissed in his kombucha.

KNOT KOOL

wishiwasmerckx said...

Do you suppose that Jesus had a "YOLO" tattoo?

db said...

So the problem with "Portlandia" is that they don't go far enough to be called a parody?

Anonymous said...

I am embarrassed by most of the "bike culture" happenings in my hometown of Portland. I even mentioned to my wife yesterday that I couldn't wait for Snobbie to make fun of the latest veloprovo outcry. I ride because it is fun and efficient and healthy, never to make a statement. Please come visit us again on your upcoming book tour.

ChamoisJuice said...

I am a jew baiter, because I miss Jewish humour, and I admit the PNW is white as hell? OOOOKKKKKKK. I miss black people as well.
Is it racist to say black people are louder, more boisterous and more colorful than white people? Cuz they are, just as jews are funnier and more self deprecating than white people. I did not see anyone rocking purple suits or huge hats this Easter, and I miss that....

Or are you saying jewish =/= white is racist? If so, go complain to every college admission form and the US census.

West of Cascades in PNW = PC white people. The type of people who get offended if you say a bagel is a jewish food. East of cascades = rednecks.

Frilly Chick said...

Okay, Snob, enough with the tits. I have a pair, they're big, and I see them everyday. How about a nicely-toned, bare-assed man please? Now that's something I don't get to see everyday.

Anonymous said...

"language Nazis", Babble, "language Nazis" (not possessive).

Sincerely,
tsgapp 4608

P.S. I too like nipples.

ChamoisJuice said...

Everything I learned about ethnic people I learned from watching TV.

I am a total retard, sure. But DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A RACIST!!!

Anonymous said...

Anon at 1:30,

No; we don't want it: "Go sell crazy somewhere else; we're all stocked up here."

Best wishes,
35 Confutu

babble on said...

anon@ 2:55 - I stand corrected. My karma...

babble on said...

Frilly - my hope for you is that you always have a plethora of lovely male bits and bobs to enjoy as you will.

I love having a nicely toned ass to hang on to every night as I say my prayers... "OH. MY. GOOOOOOOOOD!!" Well, you know how it goes.

It's so good for the soul. And the best bit is that once you have enough man butt to keep you satisfied, you will be able to appreciate the beauty of NICE TITS!!

The Nipple Police said...

Hey Frilly what's up with them aerola's? Are they personal pan pizza's or are they pepperoni's?

Personally I am VERY fond of the former and the latter. Come to think of it one of each would be pretty trick. One for sucking and one for painting.

ChamoisJuice said...

story time:

BITD, I had a summer job begging for money for the Sierra Club. My first day, I was dropped off in
Monsey to go door to door get people to donate to the environment. You are supposed to raise $80 a day. I got $5 from one lady, and $2 from another. I thought I was the worst damn canvasser in existence. When I got picked up at the end of the day, it turns out I raised more scrilla than the other 3 fund raisers combined.
HASIDIM BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE 'EM

I got promoted pretty quick to the guy that picks what neighborhoods to go canvass in. BOOM, Grandview, Armonk, Piermont, Croton, Hastings: $300-500 a day EASILY.

WHTE GULT

I met John Stewart canvassing. He lived in a condo in Armonk. Mid 90's. He gave me $20 cash.


My best friend in the whole wide world is a non-practicing hebrew. David Elliot. He is funny as hell. He lives in Bangkok, and has two jewelry factories....

Different people are different. It's not racist to think that. It's racist to think certain cultures are BETTER than others...

ChamoisJuice said...

My friends keep telling me no one gives a shit about my stupid stories or opinions.

But do I care what other people think? Why should I? As an asshole I am entitled to act like an asshole whenever I want.

crosspalms said...

I've been an ethnic person for as long as I can remember, but I've never been on TV.

Dooth said...

I dare say Mr. Chiasawat didn't help his cause with that peculiar profile picture...it's like he's telling the world, "shit, so what?"

Roille Figners said...

I knew that BikePortland story was gonna appear here. It made me realize that blogging as a format is inherently ill-suited to journalistic use. So Snobz while you might think of Maus as more of a "real journalist" etc. I think your satirical and varyingly-relevant insights are a far better use of the retarded "blog" format. No offense.

Anonymous said...

lol at "crankypants"

mulberryandgrand said...

Once Portland figures out how to make good pizza and bagels, NYC will be rendered largely obsolete.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

I was wondering if the comely reader at the top came from the Outdoor Co-ed Topless Pulp Fiction Appreciation Society. Now there's a NYC thing I would like to see more of. And Frilly, I would be happy to oblige you with pictures of my bits and bobs if you really wanted...

Anonymous said...

I would like to point out a couple things about the analysis of car-pedestrian accidents. More people are likely hit in cross walks because more people use cross walks than jay walk. Incidence rate is more important than prevalence in this case. Focusing solely on prevalence can be misleading. Also, larger people may be hit/injured less often because they are easier to see. In a busy environment, with a lot of motion and variable light conditions, this would not surprise me a bit!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 4:23 - So you're saying fewer Jews are run over by taxis after sunset on Friday because they're all at shabbos? RACIST!!! JEW-BAITER!!!! **SHRIEK** **SHRIEK**

356 gnownli

[I am not a robot but I play one at work.]

Frilly Chick said...

NP, keep your tongue and your "brush" to yerself!

Thank you for the offer Lumpen. I will keep it in mind. Perhaps a friendly exchange might be in order.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Frilly, you may get bored with looking at them everyday, but I can PROMISE you that we will NEVER get bored of looking at them.

Given the chance, we would look at them several times a day, and for an astonishing long period of time as well.

Anonymous said...

I gets the tiller effect whenever I see the Rock Machine bloggerate about his long stem for Portlandiers

Anonymous said...

I am finally able to read helment as helmet. You wore me down and my brain accepts it as properly spelled.

Jew Baiting Frat Boy said...

Hey Frilly, show me your tits BABY!

Angie Kritenbrink said...

Crotchjuice, I live in Seattle and there are Jewish people all around my neighborhood (Wedgwood). There's a big synagogue and a smaller one and some of them are so diligent they always walk to services (sorry if I mixed some wording up since I am not religious). So I think you are looking in the wrong place for Jews maybe?

Frilly Chick, I told the snob that showing those women with their boobs out was not sexist, sorry about that. But can't you just look at all the men in every post who are wearing tight pants?

In other news, I am happy to report I have read 1/3 of the new book and it is not sexist in the least, in fact it is very sweet, and now I feel super bad about saying the other book was sexist. But I don't understand yet why it is titled in such a way that makes it seem to be about Europe when in fact it is so far mostly about Portland and NY.

Vegas said...

My coworker sez there's a Russian dash-cam compilation of cars hitting peds. I dunno whether they are in crosswalks or not, but I will not be watching.

Babble, as one of the Bobs, thanks for the shout-out.

Oh, and I <3 reading. Much more than recumbents.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Chamois Juice, as I always say:

"If the asshat fits..."

harga said...

Obesity is the new helment. Lawd hep us 'Mericans!

bikesgonewild said...

..."...As an asshole I am entitled to act like an asshole whenever I want..."...

...THAT, crotchjuice may be the most relevant post you've issued since you hit these boards...

...your nuns / blind man joke was worthy but this sez it all...for & about...

Anonymous said...

Let's call him Chamois Jews.

Lumpen fredetariat said...

Frilly, at your service. Sorry to be slow replying, I was getting waxed....


not.

P. Bateman said...

hey wishiwasmerckx - black folks do like fried chicken. i don't care what you say. you need only to spend about 8 seconds south of the mason dixon to realize the truth in that statement.

and chamois au jews, some cultures ARE better than others. some cultures really suck and should be left in the anal of history.

JB said...

No Jews in PNW

Frilly Chick said...

Yeah, yeah, I know how it is for you boys, wiwm.

Okay Frat Boy...see?!? I'm showing you, whadda you think? Okay, I'm putting my shirt back on now.

True that, Angie, its cycling season. Plenty of voyeuristic opportunities.

leroy said...

P. Bateman -- most folks south of the Mason Dixon like fried chicken. Most folks up north have never had real fried chicken. What we get up here just isn't the same. It doesn't have anything to do with one's melanin levels. When in Savannah, GA, I recommend the chicken at Mrs. Wilkes' Boarding House on West Jones Street.

Chamois Juice-- my dog recommends using lox for bait. He says it works on me. I do like going to Acme Fish in Williamsburg on Friday mornings when the factory sells retail to the public.

Sarah W. said...

Thank you for the Life of Brian reference.

Inspector Clousea said...

Hey those two Asian guys both weren't wearing helments. A coincidence? I think not.

Anonymous said...

From Portland Person > What a bunch of incoherent jibber jabber. Half of these posts related to Portland or Bikeportland are so disjointed they make no sense. Come on NY if your going to want to make sense to us all, then get your stuff together so we can at least understand your opinions.
We expect better from New York then this.

Angie Kritenbrink said...

good news! I finished the new book and it's not sexist! In fact, it's very sweet and family-oriented. I'm not sure if those guys who compete to be first in the comments every day are going to be into it, ha ha.

But I think there should have been more Europe and less Portland in this book. Portland is completely overrated. if you want to dream about moving to the Pacific Northwest at least move to Seattle. We have lots of bike trails and bike lanes, and we use deodorant.

Anonymous said...

Please replace recumbabe shots with those of Nathalie Emmanuel (slave girl from Game of Thrones).

ce said...

THE COMMENT SECTION CHRONICLE
3rd April 2013


~ What David Stabler said about what Bike Snob said about Portland ~


An allegation has recently been made that I am some kind of journalist. However, there is ample evidence to contradict this claim, including the fact that I really hate writing. I have therefore comprised this article almost entirely of a quote I cut and paste from somewhere. That quote is as follows:


"The Bike Snob (aka Eben Weiss), who blogs as bikesnobnyc, is a crankypants bike writer who lives in New York City. He just came out with another book, "Bike Snob Abroad" and he has a section about Portland. Grumpy as ever, he criticizes the Rose City for being too bike friendly.
"By the end of my stay, bikes kinda made me wanna puke," he writes.
As usual, a visitor's impressions are far different from those of the natives, but his exaggerations are fun to read.
"I never thought I could get fed up with bikes, but Portland proved me wrong. I certainly didn't want to ride any less, but the constant exuberance over bikes was a bit more than I could handle. As I mentioned, I want nothing more than for cycling to be so mainstream that there's nothing at all remarkable about it. I just want the bikes to be there, working dutifully in the background while real life happens, like antivirus software or central air conditioning. This is not the case in Portland, where it can seem like every facet of cycling is considered remarkable and is duly celebrated as such.
"In Portland, they have family theme rides and "No babies!" theme rides and high-heeled theme rides and unicorn theme rides. In Portland, you can take part in multiple naked rides on the same day, and doubtless catch a Tina Turner theme ride inbetween...
"I love all of this. I love that it exists and I love visiting, but at the same time, I could never live this way permanently. I want to live in a place where cycling is completely normal, yet at the same time phlegmatic enough that the idea of adults riding down hills on kiddie bikes is considered silly...I couldn't live in Portland for the same reason I could never be a Hasidic Jew. I don't do well in situations where people are reminding each other of their identity every second and I'd doubtless snap...
"A few days before I left Portland to return to New York, I was at yet another bike event and as I looked around the room and saw hand-sewn wool cycling cap after hand-sewn wool cycling cap and pair after pair of cycling shants and hundreds of identically tattooed forearms each clutching the obligatory pint of craft ale, I experienced a sudden and intense desire to be somewhere -- anywhere -- more diverse.""

Written by ce

Jew Baiting Frat Boy said...

Hey Frilly,

Pics or GTFO.

undercover cop said...

So, when are you coming to Portland for your book tour?

alhire said...

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Robert Woudenberg said...

Hey Snob how do you manage to get so many photos while riding. Do you have some iphone quick release device on your bars (I don't see any on you bike pics) do you have a custom pocket on your jerseys? Please let us know.

woudy said...

How do you keep your phone at the ready for your riding pictures? Custom pocket? Fredly Mount? Headband?