First there's something about a cycling community or whatever:
And then there's something about being stylish, and urban cycling, and more about community, and so on:
Then there's a bunch of sketching, designing, drawing, yadda, yadda, yadda:
Oh, and "iterations" or something:
But then, there are panties:
Wait, panties? Yes, panties! Cycling panties! With "mesh side-pannels" and "rougeing!"
And look! More styles of panties!
Then they keep showing panties and saying panties and it's just panties, panties, panties:
Oh, also, sweaty panties!
And there's your 38 grand:
And that's how you Kickstart.
By the way, I'm going to go ahead and assume at least 37 of those grands came from Japan.
You know, 'cause they're way into panties over there.
Panties like these panties:
And don't give me any crap about being sexist. You want to see some men's cycling panties? Here you go:
See that bulge? That's his penis and testicles.
Deal with it.
Wait, what's that, you say? All of this makes you uncomfortable and you wanna keep in unisex? Fine, done:
I like the diagram that shows you how the chamois will aerate your vulva, labia, scranus, vulvanus, pubic mound, glans, testicles, or whatever you've got down there, thereby minimizing or eliminating the prodution of smegma, frumunda, fungus, "cottage cheese," dingleberries, and other cycling-related crotchal by-products:
(It also channels your Clif Bar-induced flatulence.)
See, the Urbanist panties people leave that stuff out of their video, because they're good at marketing, and also panties:
But be warned that it takes years to build up the sort of perineal callus that Mario Cipollini has. Seriously, it's like he's smuggling a turtle down there.
Or so I've heard.
Meanwhile, in non-panty-related news, a New York City mayoral candidate is actually pandering to the cycling demographic:
Bill de Blasio
Citibike or fixed-gear? Make sure you know how you're getting to the polls: HTTP://BLAS.IO/MAKEAPLAN
I'm actually riding my dedicated voting bike, unless there's gravel along the route, in which case obviously I'll have to purchase the appropriate gravel bike.
I'll also be wearing my Urbanist cycling panties, because without an adequate chamois it could be a real suffrage-fest.
Lastly, who says the NYPD only busts cyclists?
Basically, this douchebag who calls himself "Afroduck" filmed himself circumnavigating Manhattan in his BMW in 24 minutes, and consequently the police tracked him down and arrested him.
Of course, Afroduck's crucial mistake was not killing a cyclist in the process, because if he had the NYPD would have simply declared "no criminality suspected" and let him go.
Still, I suppose it's heartening they arrested him--though it's worth noting the police didn't actually bother him while he was doing it, presumably because they were too busy ticketing people on Citi Bikes rolling through stop signs at three miles per hour.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and and if you're wrong you'll see "fighting."
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and wear your panties.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) David Byrne's latest bike rack says:
--"A Nod's As Good As A Wink To A Blind Bat!"
2) The Lone Wolf's bicycle is bedazzled with 160,000 crystals and is the product of nine hours of painstaking labor a day, three to four days a week, for three to four months.
3) Since the widespread implementation of bike lanes, New York City traffic now moves:
--At the same speed
4) Mario Cipollini's scranus is bedazzled with 160,000 crystals and is the product of nine hours of painstaking labor a day, three to four days a week, for three to four months.
5) "Have you visited a rural area or been in contact with, or near, farm animals outside Australia in the past 30 days?"
6) The only thing worse than locking your helment to a pole and losing the key is:
--Losing your helment visor
--Forgetting the combination to your helment while it's strapped to your head
--Not being talked about
7) Gravel bikes are out! _____________ are in:
***Special "Preternatural Undulations" Bonus Image!***
(via Stephane in Munich)