Friday, September 6, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

So somebody Tweeted this in my direction while I was away:



First there's something about a cycling community or whatever:


And then there's something about being stylish, and urban cycling, and more about community, and so on:


Then there's a bunch of sketching, designing, drawing, yadda, yadda, yadda:


Oh, and "iterations" or something:


But then, there are panties:



Wait, panties?  Yes, panties!  Cycling panties!  With "mesh side-pannels" and "rougeing!"



And look!  More styles of panties!


Then they keep showing panties and saying panties and it's just panties, panties, panties:


Oh, also, sweaty panties!


And there's your 38 grand:


And that's how you Kickstart.

By the way, I'm going to go ahead and assume at least 37 of those grands came from Japan.

You know, 'cause they're way into panties over there.

Panties like these panties:


And don't give me any crap about being sexist.  You want to see some men's cycling panties?  Here you go:


See that bulge?  That's his penis and testicles.

Deal with it.

Wait, what's that, you say?  All of this makes you uncomfortable and you wanna keep in unisex?  Fine, done:


I like the diagram that shows you how the chamois will aerate your vulva, labia, scranus, vulvanus, pubic mound, glans, testicles, or whatever you've got down there, thereby minimizing or eliminating the prodution of smegma, frumunda, fungus, "cottage cheese," dingleberries, and other cycling-related crotchal by-products:


(It also channels your Clif Bar-induced flatulence.)

See, the Urbanist panties people leave that stuff out of their video, because they're good at marketing, and also panties:


Or you could just go "commando:"


But be warned that it takes years to build up the sort of perineal callus that Mario Cipollini has.  Seriously, it's like he's smuggling a turtle down there.

Or so I've heard.

Meanwhile, in non-panty-related news, a New York City mayoral candidate is actually pandering to the cycling demographic:


Bill de Blasio
Citibike or fixed-gear? Make sure you know how you're getting to the polls: HTTP://BLAS.IO/MAKEAPLAN

I'm actually riding my dedicated voting bike, unless there's gravel along the route, in which case obviously I'll have to purchase the appropriate gravel bike.

I'll also be wearing my Urbanist cycling panties, because without an adequate chamois it could be a real suffrage-fest.


Lastly, who says the NYPD only busts cyclists?


Basically, this douchebag who calls himself "Afroduck" filmed himself circumnavigating Manhattan in his BMW in 24 minutes, and consequently the police tracked him down and arrested him.

Of course, Afroduck's crucial mistake was not killing a cyclist in the process, because if he had the NYPD would have simply declared "no criminality suspected" and let him go.

Still, I suppose it's heartening they arrested him--though it's worth noting the police didn't actually bother him while he was doing it, presumably because they were too busy ticketing people on Citi Bikes rolling through stop signs at three miles per hour.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and and if you're wrong you'll see "fighting."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and wear your panties.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) David Byrne's latest bike rack says:

--"Boldwink"
--"Goldwink"
--"Hoodwinked"
--"A Nod's As Good As A Wink To A Blind Bat!"






2) The Lone Wolf's bicycle is bedazzled with 160,000 crystals and is the product of nine hours of painstaking labor a day, three to four days a week, for three to four months.

--True
--False






3) Since the widespread implementation of bike lanes, New York City traffic now moves:

--Faster
--More slowly
--At the same speed
--Backwards






4) Mario Cipollini's scranus is bedazzled with 160,000 crystals and is the product of nine hours of painstaking labor a day, three to four days a week, for three to four months.

--True
--False





5) "Have you visited a rural area or been in contact with, or near, farm animals outside Australia in the past 30 days?"

--Yes
--No





6) The only thing worse than locking your helment to a pole and losing the key is:

--Forgetting your helment at home
--Losing your helment visor
--Forgetting the combination to your helment while it's strapped to your head
--Not being talked about






7) Gravel bikes are out!  _____________ are in:

--Silt bikes
--Woodchip bikes
--Hunting bikes
--Riding mowers



***Special "Preternatural Undulations" Bonus Image!***


(via Stephane in Munich)

94 comments:

Anonymous said...

First!

Anonymous said...

Podium

ge said...

(^_^)

JB said...

bouncing baby bladders

wishiwasmerckx said...

Toppus Tennus.

Anonymous said...

Tep ton! Yeah Cleveland!

Jimboner said...

Turtle smuggler!

Anonymous said...

1st Panties!

(other than the post, of course)

Ryder Hesjedal said...

I WIN! Oh, wait.

RoadQueen said...

It's Friday, and I'm gone for the weekend! Have fun and stay safe, everyone!

Oh, but before I go:

KISSED TO THE PODIO PEEPS!

MUAH! MUAH! MUAH! X! X! X!

PEACE OUT! V

Marcel Da Chump said...

Panting.

McFly said...

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN Son you really knocked it out of the park with today's blogulation. It's chock full of what I really enjoy.

Ass.

Bama Phred said...

Fun Quiz!
I hear they have a padded ManKini in development. A certain Tex-Awaiian can hardly contain himself.
Enjoy the weekend.

vantage said...

top XX

DB said...

I like the Brigitte.

RANTWICK said...

Smuggling a Turtle? So good. Thanks for the laugh and have a good weekend.

Anonymous said...

Fuck this shit I'm movin' to Austin

Graham Chapman said...

TWO Monty Python references (at least, maybe I missed number 5?

(Three Sire, THREE!)

Anonymous said...

Just think how much faster "afroDuct" could have gone if he wasn't driving such a lame car.

cool car

Regular guy said...

Those two women sure seem disgusted about the 'iterations" they found on that panty. Eeew.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

not even top 20...
i'm leasing a huyndai

mikeweb said...

I think the panty idea will be bought by Rapha, netting the inventors something in the mid 7 figures.

Next season Chris Froome will be contractually obligated to wear the Brigitte while racing the TdF.

Regular guy said...

Wow, I'm really glad I got an answer wrong, or I would have missed the thrilly in vanilly. Bet the short guy really wished he wouldn't have kicked the helmet at the car, cuz it looked like the car owner was pissed.

ROUND TWO

BikeSnobNYC said...

Regular guy,

I love how the driver was all freaked out that the helment might have scratched his stupid Mazda.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Vernal Magina said...

First in with, "panties yabbies"?

Regular guy said...

I don't the short guy will make the cut as a field goal kicker, needs to get a little more loft.

Mr Plow said...

That's. .... THE Panties yabbies. Didn't we cover this?

Comment deleted said...

Wuss fight, punctuated by ridiculous car fetishism. I'd rather watch happy girls with nice legs riding their bicycles.

CommieCanuck said...

Figures Snob had to out-source to Germany to get that GIF (which locals now mispronounce as "Jiff"). Yet another vital artisanal skill lost locally to be replaced with GIF Management courses at the local community college.
5 years from now, all our GIFs will be from China, and the boobies just that much smaller. Better GIFs, with fuller breasts will be available in Manhattan boutiques, but that's for the 1%.

Comment deleted said...

P.S. Drew Barrymore designs some nice panties!

Anonymous said...

AUSTIN!!!..

except those are special cycle panty models, flown in from the coast...

even the ''product designer'' is hot..

wle

CommieCanuck said...

oh man..<a href="http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Burly+Breasts.+Posted+in+NSFW+but+it+doesn+t+actually+have_3125ac_3194315.gif>see, it's already happening!</a>.

CommieCanuck said...

balls.

see, it's already happening!.

Anonymous said...

I've now fallen in love with Austin's tight knit cycling community.

But they sure do ride slowly.

BTW, it's ruching. As in "I have been ruching Austin's tight knit cycling community for a party at my place."

Comment deleted said...

"Panties dude", if he's still reading, must be in a masturbatory frenzy today.

ce said...

Panties

FART SLOT said...

Because Andiamos aren't pretty.

mikeweb said...

CC,

html tagging soon to be outsourced also.

Look for a lot more missing close quotes in the years to come.

babble on said...

Hey Snob,
In your experience, do they wear panties down under?

3G said...

Tell me again about the panties...only this time do it slowly.

A voice in the background said...

Isn't there a Strava for auto drivers? What is it?

As a D.B. fan, I don't own a car.

Jerry Seinfeld said...

Are those the panties your mother laid out for you?

ce said...

Panties

Dudely said...

Those aren't "cyclists" fighting, once they dismount they become "pedestrians".
So they're pedestrians fighting really.

(They're still bad at it.)

McFly said...

They could have sold tickets to that design/layout/workshopping session of the panty flow chart design process.

"I GOT 2!!! RIGHT BY THE BUTT MANNEQUIN!!! WHO NEEDS 2 ?!?!?!"

Buffalo Bill said...

So eurosport dropped the live feed for the tour of alberta. But I thought everyone wanted to watch every second of the podium ceremony. No?

91 diwitz

Buffalo Bill said...

It's ok Ryder, I did that once too.
If your friends are anything like mine, none of them will ever forget it.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Recumbabe doesn't need a fancy pants chamois to aerate her vulva, labia, vulvanus and pubic mound.

ce said...

Panties everywhere

Dooth said...

A bevy of bicycle biking beauties
Softly pedaling in chamois panties
Woo hoo speeds my heart rate

McFly said...

At the end of the day it's all just vaginal shoreline. Let your fingers do the walkin' and your fartslot do the talkin'.

Comment deleted said...

Hey, Hey, we're The Panties
And people say we panty around.
But we're too busy riding,
And pulling our panties down.


Oh my Gad, I'm turning into Panties Dude.

le Correcteur said...

"I'm actually riding my dedicated voting bike, unless there's gravel along the route, in which case obviously I'll have to purchase the appropriate gravel bike."

NO NO NO! If you have this scenario, you need another bike, the dedicated voting-gravel bike! Horrible, horrible things could happen in your voting if you use just a normal old gravel bike as your going-to-vote ride!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

who can say for sure that any of those austinite chicks is wearing chmois panties?

to prove that they are, they should all pull their shorts down at the end of the video... then maybe i'll buy a pair.

Panty Fetish Guy said...

I want a pantybike. It's pink. It's light. And if you want to get off you can always lean it over to the side.

The King of Park Slope said...

I could not fit 2 of those on my bicycle.

Boston's Inferiority Complex said...

meanwhile in Boston...

District E13 is Jamaica Plain, for those of you who might be familiar with the area...

Al said...

That Cipo video must be fake, he appears to be riding up a hill.

leroy said...

Ride joyfully all!

My Sunday morning plans sound like a recurring nightmare one relates to an analyst: I was in New Jersey, surrounded by strangers in strange clothes, it was dark, it was cold, I was wearing shorts.

But at least if I find myself whistling "Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting," I'll know why.

Comment deleted said...

"I've washed up on some beautiful vaginal shoreline in my day, but girl, that should be designated National Seashore."

The Japanese said...

Are you trying to imply that I have some type of panties fetish? Keep it up and I will karate chop you in the bulge that is you cock and balls

PBateman said...

best fight ever. nice back packs nerds.

speaking of nerds, i cant think of a gay-er, more nerd ass car than a Z4 bmw driven by a man/boy/male.

its a women's car. plain and simple.

and racing on the streets like that is just idiotic.

Comment deleted said...

Leroy, have a nice nightmare on Sunday, and may you be forced to wheelsuck an Austin Urbanist model.

Anonymous said...

Sorry but the guy who invented the GIF says it is pronounced JIF. Just etc...

Regular guy said...

Yeah, it was a lame fight. I halfway hoped one or both of them had wound up on the hood of a passing car when the tall guy took off running.

Have to say though, the tall guy had some fancy footwork. Compared to the short guy's U-lock roundhouse miss, I give it to the tall guy.

We are entering a golden age of wuss fight footage with the proliferation of smartphone videography.

Sargent Pepper said...

I love the look of inverted chevrons.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see Babble in a Bettie. Those killer quads flexing as she mounts her ride.

Euro Spondee said...

I think the commentariat would easily fund a Kickstarter to have Babs do a video with the panties

Miles Rockwell said...

fuck taxis

Hegnawed Hertitsov said...

McFly this one's for you....What the hell did Roadqueen mean when she said she was going to "take the pony camping"?

Paul Bowen said...

Torsonudismo is my word of the week and I will marry gif lady right now I'm not even joking.

DerZoots said...

@ Miles Rockwell

That D00D looks like the buffoon who always thinks "accidents" are everyone else's doing.
The first step would be taking responsibility for the clothing accident.



RObot Jerk: 5311 HoWayo

ce said...

Al 3:37, the video is real. While it is true that the real Cipo is incapable of riding up a hill, what we see in the video is best described as "slithering" up a hill.

ce said...

If the UCI had allowed Cipo to race shirtless in the mountains there would have been no stopping him.

McFly said...

HH, I think RoadQueen is legitimately into equistrian adventures. She likes a horse. We like the whores. I prefer a MTB myself but hey whatever.

The Back Marker said...

The first rule of Bicycle Bitch Fight Club is: you don't talk about Bicycle Bitch Fight Club.

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Is it technically a fight if neither one manages to actually land a punch? Isn't it just sort of an angry hug with some cardio thrown in?

Luke said...

the funniest part of that video was the guy staring at the side of his car for an eternity. presumably he is still there trying to figure out if one of his body panels is slightly misshapen.

Bama Phred said...

Wondering if there was ever a Kickstarter for a cycling short "ManSert". When all the hardcore coffee shop cyclists are fredding around they won't feel "inadequate". Speaking of which I need to get going!

Anonymous said...

Afro Duck reminds me of Aqua Lung.

Shaken All Over said...

I can see Babble arriving at Wreck Beach, I see her peeling off her riding shorts, I see her peeling off the inverted chevron panties, I see these things, I see them, damn this shower water is hot....

John Diogenous said...

When people make terrible products or "inventions" i think it is societies duty to tell them their idea is horrible. $38,000?!?!?! and over 500 backers?!?! Cut your losses!

McFly said...

Am I the only one up for a backwoods picnic with the busty 10 speeder? Come on guys big-legged girls need love too.

Anonymous said...

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Download riddick said...

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Big-legged Girl said...

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McFly said...

Babble I have been watching Serena Williams play tennis and it occurs to me that y'all are built eerily similar from the waist down. Me likey.

babble on said...

Cheers, Mcfly. Could be worse, I suppose... me likey the fact that these big ole legs took me far and wide this weekend... :D

McFly said...

Any construction worker will tell you that one needs a solid foundation before one starts laying down the wood. It's science. As long as you don't grunt when you backhand.

RoadQueen said...

HH, McFly is correct, I'm legitimately into equestrian adventures.

When I said that I was going to take my pony (horse) camping, I meant it in the literal sense.

Blog post describing my weekend soon to come. :)

Hope everyone else had an awesome weekend full of adventures!

Angie Kritenbrink said...

I got relaxed in my duties as the BikeSnobNYC Sexism Police, so I just now read this. Admittedly, I am probably not the target audience for Friday's post, but I don't find it particularly clever. However, I do NOT deem it sexist, as I think you have to have more than a 4-year-old sense of humor to be sexist. Furthermore, since it fails to make any point whatsover, we cannot determine whether or not this post is sexist.

ce said...

Not sexist: sexy

ce said...

Cipo that is.

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