Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Put this in your hydration pack and suck it.

Yesterday, I wrote about how I was trying out this thing:


Sorry, this thing:
As a total hydration pack novice I appreciated the reader feedback, much of which was along the lines of, "What's the point of a hydration pack that uses a bottle instead of a bladder when you can fit so much more liquid into a bladder?"

Well, sure, I suppose you could say this bag is basically a kludge that relocates your "bidon" (ugh) from your bike to your back, but according to the Jetflow website you can easily put larger bottles in there:

What is the absolute largest feasible size of bottle I can use in the Jetflow?

The adaptor will fit a three liter soda bottle (which will fit into some of the larger packs.) Two-liter bottles easily fit into the Jetflow packs. We recommend using 1.5-liter bottles, which fit into the small packs nicely.

I have the small bag, and I haven't checked to see how big a bottle I can cram in there, but evidently they recommend using a 1.5-liter bottle--though I can fit two liters if I'm so inclined:

Maximum Storage of Two 1.0 Liter Bottles (2.0 Liter - 66 oz.) in back load cell. (smaller volume bottles acceptable)

So then I went to see what the comparably-sized (and comparably-priced) CamelBak was, and...well, it's the kiddie one:


Full-on hydration for pint-size thirsts. The Mini Mule® holds 1.5L of fresh hydration in a bike pack scaled to fit kids comfortably and keep them freewheeling all day. One front-side pocket. Reflective strip for safety.

I'm so embarrassed now.

Still, I'm going to keep using it, because that's enough beverage for a leisurely sub-epic ride, and also I can roll through the supermarket and plug a bottle of tomato juice or olive oil or straight margarita mix directly into the system without having to pour it into a bladder first.

Can you do that?


("No, but I'd like to.  It's olive oil that gives me my sheen.")

By the way, I like how they include Diet Coke among the beverage suggestions:



Yes, there's nothing quite as pleasant as emitting chemically sweet NutraSweet burps while you're "slaying" some singletrack.

Anyway, the sad truth is that I don't have time for the sorts of gigantic rides that would require strapping a massive elephant's bladder to my back.  I don't know why this is, given that I'm a semi-professional bike blogger, an occupation that ranks slightly below semi-professional masturbator in terms of responsibility and difficulty.  So you'd think I have plenty of time to ride.  Yet still, somehow, the sun disappears beneath the horizon and I'm left wondering, "Where did the day go?"

Maybe it's just poor time management on my part.  I mean, I could cut out the six hours of television viewing a day, but as a blogger it's vital that I remain culturally informed so I can get all those snarky Twitter references.  Or, maybe it's because I live in a Big City, and life is just harder here.  For example, my mayor doesn't want me drinking more than 16 ounces of soda at a time.  So, if I want to drink a giant soda while I'm watching my six hours of television, then I have to go to two different stores and buy two smaller sodas.  Therefore, in the end, it takes me twice as much time and effort to get a humungous tub of liquid sugar as it does the typical fat slob elsewhere in the country--not to mention the hour and a half I spend circling the block in my SUV looking for a parking space!

At least I left Brooklyn, where if you order a Coke in a restaurant they look at you like you're an idiot and say, "We serve Fentimans."

Yeah, the truth is that you hicks and rubes just can't relate to how hard I have it.  That's why I like to read about the bicycle cycling in other big cities, like London, and here's an entertaining primer that was recently forwarded to me by a reader:


Much of this is relatable to the bicycle cycling life in New York, such as this:

8. You can never have enough locks. Two, minimum. London bikes work like umbrellas in that you never actually own one, you just occupy it briefly in a time-share scenario. Love your bike but know it will eventually leave you just like everything else.

Like, I know, right?  I totally read something similar in a book called "Bike Slob" or something.  But yes, absolutely, two locks at a minimum.  Indeed, today I used three:


(My bike's the one with the snooty Brooks hand-chamfered by Eric "The Chamferer" Murray himself, not the one with the saddle made of masking tape.)

By the way, I also always take a parting photograph of my bicycle since there's a good chance it will be gone when I return, and you always want a recent picture for your impassioned Craigslist post--which I've also pre-drafted because I'm awesome at time management:

STOLEN BICYCLE PLEASE HELP!!!

Help!!!  My bicycle was stolen in Manhattan today.  It had three locks on it, including an obnoxious pink one for my obnoxious Brooks saddle (what have I become?!?).  However, I did lock it using the "Sheldon Brown method," i.e. through the rear wheel only, and frankly I always had my doubts about that, so I'm going to go ahead and blame him and call him out as a bearded charlatan.  French threading my ass.  Anyway, the bike has couplers and wheels and is brown and has like 400' of pink and green spacers.  This was the bike I was going to take to Australia with me so now I'm just going to have to ride a fucking kangaroo while I'm there.

No reward if found, unless you consider blowing yourself a reward.

See that?  Now when I walk outside and my bike's gone I can post this in like five seconds.

Here's one I could only half-relate to:

13. Black cab drivers want you dead. Once a year a black cab driver will scream out of a passing window a sentence along the lines of “I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE YOU CUNT” just to remind you of their feelings. The last time I was in a black cab I actually sat in a puddle of cold human semen, so: black cabs, the feeling is pretty mutual.

See, I've had plenty of frustrating encounters with cab drivers, but THANK THE ALMIGHTLY LOBSTER ON HIGH I've never sat in human semen, cold or otherwise.  (Well, at least not in a taxi cab.)  By the way, it was around this point in the story where I wondered, "Who the hell wrote this, anyway?," so I checked the byline and then visited the writer's Twitter.  Here's her profile pic:


Not for nothing, but that's the best "I've just sat in cold semen" expression I've ever seen.

And of course everyone in New York knows this to be true:

17. Pedestrians never look where they’re going. Like, never. You will spend your first year marvelling at the confidence with which they stride into the road looking at their phones or run right out into intersections unexpectedly. You will spend the rest of your life dodging them and wondering when they’ll notice how close to death they just came. They won’t. My mum once gave me a piece of advice: “Assume everyone else is an idiot”. I can’t remember what it was for or about (maybe dudes, condoms) but I’ve repurposed it for cycling in London.

Indeed.  Like this guy.  He's got eleven seconds on the crossing clock and he's going to use them all up futzing with his smartphone and shuffling along in his designer sneaker/shoes:


Maybe if we weren't so busy with our phones we wouldn't be sitting in puddles of cold semen all the time.

As I always tell my seventeen (17) children, there are two kinds of people in this word: the ones leaving the semen deposits, and the ones sitting in them.  Which kind do you want to be?

Think about it.

By the way, I took the above picture while riding through Times Square, which is the asshole of New York City:


Sure, it's been cleaned up, but a bleached asshole is still an asshole.

And speaking of locks, here's an ironically-named "Heavy Duty Bike Lock," as spotted by a reader in the United Kingdom of Kingdoms, who was clever enough to include his pinkie for scale:


Heavy duty my scranus.  Not only that, but how could they not put Bret on the packaging?!?  He's the very face of poor quality bicycle products!


It does come with two keys though, so I recommend keeping one and taping the other onto your bike along with a note that says, "Take me."  At least that way maybe they won't scratch your bike while they're stealing it.

Lastly, another reader tells me that Portland continues to be Portland:


The Portland Fruit Tree Project had a "Bike-Powered Harvesting Party" on Saturday in southeast Portland. The non-profit organizes volunteers to harvest and take care of fruit trees that would otherwise be neglected. Half of the fruit goes to a local food bank (via their distribution partner Urban Gleaners) and the rest is taken home by everyone who participates in the harvest.

On Saturday, A group of folks used bicycles and cargo trailers to harvest pears and plums from trees grown in various backyards in the Richmond neighborhood. All their tools, reaching poles, ladders, boxes of fruit and so on, were carried by bike. After the fruit had been picked, local bicycle delivery company Portland Pedal Power showed up to transport the fruit to Urban Gleaners and local school summer lunch programs.

Good for you.  When you're finished with that go get me a big fucking soda.

108 comments:

samh said...

AYHSMB.

Anonymous said...

PPPP ODIM

ken e. said...

scranus!

Comment deleted said...

Clamping on for the duration.

Anonymous said...

Late post

JB said...

harrumph!

Anonymous said...

Top ten.

Kenny said...

AND TAT'S HOW A LARGE FEASIBLE BILL BECOMES A LAW!

One Hole said...

tomp tem

Comment deleted said...

Uh, I can't keep up with all this "manscaping" stuff. I'm supposed to bleach my asshole now? This may be where I have to draw the line.

ChamoisJuice said...

catch phrase

Is it gay if you get a boner admiring your legs in the mirror?

Anonymous said...

Near the top of the heap ma! Cleveland yeah!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

There you go Wildcat I knew there was a method to your madness. I bet the wine cooler flows free as you please when the 2 liter is upside-down on your back.

samh on the pode.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Cold semen expression

Udder said...

Wow, you are stubborn about the hydration pack thing. Face it, they are unnecessary and total overkill for anywhere but Death Valley.

P. Bateman said...

this was a pretty solid post that was going along just fine...but then you had to mention the fucktards in portland

Mr Plow said...

My mountain bicycle cycling friends and I used to take the bladders out of boxed wine and put them in our camel backs. Usually on a wendsday. Then we could cruise around the local park sipping warm cheap box wine from a tube. You should try it at least once.

McFly said...

I have an asshole bleaching story if anyone is interested. I know this comes as a shock that I would have one.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Udder,

Pretty much all of this crap is unnecessary.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

in regards to your portable potable back pack sack sans drinking sack sub original packaging, I with hold further argument and instead substitute my usual ponderings;

like the almighty lob designed scrotal contents, should one suspend the two rotund objects within the sack with one elevated slightly higher than the other?

DEEP THOT

Mr Plow said...

What is the difference between a reaching pole and a regular old pole?

Anonymous said...

Although 1.5 liters doesn't seem like a lot of liquid, it would take me at least a year to fill it with cold semen.

P. Bateman said...

you however are not unnecessary Snobber - you are very vital worker.

DerZoots said...

Jeah.
Big
Fucking
Soda.

I am so unemployed and ebay is fucking up my picture upload so it looks to be sodee time.

Panties.

Robot Word Barrier: 18 amsmst

mikeweb said...

What is the difference between a reaching pole and a regular old pole?

I'm sure McFly or babbles has some wisdom to impart on this.

Regular guy said...

So I read that Sheldon Brown article. What the Hell is a pre-softened titanium rail swallow? And does it have anything to do with what you might sit on in a black taxi?

longndeep said...

Suckle the tit of consumerism people.

Udder said...

Snobby-

True Dat

DB said...

You must have taken that photo of Times Square at 6:00 am.
Where are the tourists?

mikeweb said...

Although 1.5 liters doesn't seem like a lot of liquid, it would take me at least a year to fill it with cold semen.

This is the provisional comment of the day (CoD) pending the results McFly's asshole bleaching story.

McFly said...

So I am early 20's dating this late 20's semi-modelish type skank and we are drinking and tokin one night and she says......says...."I feel my only real physical defect is my asshole. It's got a brown stain around it." I giggle. Cause I'm high. And I think she is kidding 'cause I had never heard of such bleach treatment.

She flips the nightstand light on, bends over, drops them panties, peels it open and says "Be honest with me, do you think I should have it done?"

It was at that instant I knew I would have to end it with this trick eventually. Eventually. Not at THAT second, mind you.

DB said...

I believe the conversation has taken a turn south from personal portable hydration units.

Pretty funny, though.

Comment deleted said...

Only your generous contributions to the United Way can help stamp out ASTA* in our lifetime.


*Anal Skin Tone Anxiety

(McFly, wise cut-and-run there; that's all kinds of crazy).

Anonymous said...

Do roadies really need to have it spelled out for them? Packs aren't just for hydration goddam it. That's where you safely store all your much needed paraphernalia.

mikeweb said...

McFly! FTW!

Fair and Balanced said...

The authors facial expression "I've just sat in cold semen" reminds me of the Fox News babe's expression, "I've just got a load of cold semen in my mouth. I prefer it at 98.6".

Fritz said...

#2 on the London Cyclist list...Ladies with billowing skirts who get caught in their chain and wipe out everything in a 20 meter radius...

That struck a nerve with me, once upon a time the lower drawstring on my Jockey Oats windbreaker decided to work its way loose while I was pedaling like a wildebeast down Remsens Lane, when it caught the chain it threw me to ground like a WWF bodyslam.

Never get off the boat and never touch an article of clothing with drawstrings ever again

Buffalo Bill said...

Bleached assholes, thanks McFly, that's the kind of stuff that keeps me coming back here.

Etherhuffer said...

Camelbacks=sweaty back no matter how much ventilation they claim to put under those things. And, a couple pounds on the back is a couple more on the scranus to. I prefer a higher entropy level too. Plus, its easier to load semen into those wide mouth water bottles.

RoadQueen said...

samh - DAAAAAAAMN, SON! You've got some serious chems in you! Congrats on the Eleventy-hundredth #1 spot this month!

McFly....I'm kind of disappointed with your bleach story. I was hoping for something way racier, way funnier, and way more painful, in the humorous way. Oh well. I still love you.

IS IT FRIDAY YET?! *sigh*

crosspalms said...

Pretty funny piece by the London cyclist. How come she attracted so many humorless commenters? Are they all feeling guilty about the cold taxi puddle?

Left or aright Nipple, the Choices the Choices said...

Sure glad Snob qualified the caption he put on the first picture. But given how beautiful that woman is, I'd try it though.

DB said...

Is that young Bret on the first picture?

And WTF, what's with the book? If you can't be funny in less than two paragraphs, don't bother.

crosspalms said...

@Robert Bremer
They were yelling "Freebird," not "free verse"

Anonymous said...

WTF is the boob sucker sitting on?

Roille Figners said...

Either I'm a racist or someone needs a hyphen in "black cab drivers."

I hesitated a bit before writing that, because I was like "I'm about to correct an Englishwoman... Am I really having this conversation?"

Another question doubtless on everyone's mind: Would it have been better if the semen were warm?

Fritz said...

" How come she attracted so many humorless commentators?"

Watch silly cyclists on You Tube, London Bike cam vids, the answer is there

There seems to be an inordinate amount of "Gits" cycling in Old Blighty

Was funny to ready the gits defending the fixie hot lava track standing..idgits

Anonymous said...

@Mr.Plow

There's two kinds of poles: reaching poles, and prodding poles.

The difference between a stick and a pole is length and, correspondingly, diameter

Anonymous said...

Hey Portland, I've got a pair of plums for ya.

Mr Plow said...

Schlemiel = leaver
Schlimazel = sitter

Unless I have that backwards. And misspelled.

FR8 said...

RF

Only Americans would need the hyphen. Any English person would know that black cab-drivers are few and far between.

crosspalms said...

@Fritz,
Trackstanding to save your knees! Hmmm. I remember putting my foot on the ground once. Knee's never been the same since.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that triple-locked bike, minus the rear wheel, can be stolen using one S&S coupler wrench.

balls™ said...

3. The new cyclist about London will learn that there is a lot of buttcrack in this city. Miles of buttcrack hang out of London trousers every day of the year. Even February.

Hey, McFly... is your butt-girl from London?

Happy ending?

wishiwasmerckx© said...

S&S coupler wrech aka Vice grips aka mexican socket set

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:17pm,

The back end is locked (albeit Sheldon Brown style) but you could get the front end for sure.

But then you'd only have half a Surly until you could find the ass-end of another Surly of equal size.

I'm taking the risk.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JB said...

The seat is secure too, assuming it can't go up and over the pole.

BamaPhred said...

Roll over Ernest Tubb and tell Bob Wills the news:
I fell off my BorisBike and this is what I saw:

I saw miles and miles of buttcracks, all the trampstamps in the sky.

I saw miles and miles of buttcracks and everyone saw me cry.

Regular guy said...

Ass end of a surly one is what I prefer.

Anonymous said...

Solid post, Snob. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Bringing up the rear and I brought the bleach.

barry said...

bar end shifters, bleech

HeelsOnWheels said...

@Mikeweb and Mr.Plow, a reaching pole has a basket and little hooks like a rake on the end of it to grab the fruit with. I learned these things after I left NY. I suppose it goes without saying that I live in Portland now. Sigh.

19getanow

(are you trying to tell me something, robot catcher?)

Vegas said...

I concede that your jetflow is designed precisely for how you are using it: mountain biking without mountains, and never more than a couple miles from any nearby shop to buy another bottle to plug into it.

And to get your max. 2 liters you have to carry two bottles so at some point you are gonna havta stop to open up the pack and unscrew the empty bottle and screw in the new one. meh.

Please also note that the Colt45 and Mickey's Bigmouth adapters are sold separately.

babble on said...

I love you.

Yes, of course bigger is better, sunshine, but it's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a muscle. It gets bigger and stronger the more you use it.

Be the change you want to semen in the world.

babble on said...

It's better when you don't have to choose between the left and right. Who sez you can't have it all?

leroy said...

Well now, this is odd.

I thought Anthony Weiner was New York's asshole.

Honestly, the things you can learn on the interwebs....

leroy said...

My dog asked me to post his observation that a regular old pole is often named Stosh and has a diet high in fiber.

I have no idea what he's talking about.

As usual.

Anonymous said...

The backpack bladder thing isn't ideal to begin with. But....

The first time on a mountain cycling bicycle blasting a long downhill with choppy/rough conditions at woo-hoo speeds and unaware the bottle flies out the cage is when the backpack of fluids seems very, very useful.

Because you aren't marching back up the hill to figure out where the bottle fell out.

IMHO, being able to connect a number of retail bottles to it is a practical innovation. Less work for me watching out for the bladder.

Unless the tube becomes a "flavor saver." Eeewwww.

Robot stack failure

Anonymous said...

So, you'll be taking your bike with you to Australia? We can look forward to a dozen or so blogs about the joys of packing and traveling with a bike.

...if you think Snobby is angry now...

Might I suggest an additional event be added to your visit? Invite people to the airport to witness you arrive and unpack and reassemble your bike.

Right there by the carousels! It'd be heaps awesome!! You could charge $40 for that, easy!!!

Also, you might want to bring the biggest hydration pack you can find with you and fully load it before you depart. Even bottled water in Australia is undrinkable. That's why everyone drinks only beer in Australia.

McFly said...

Balls, no and yes. She did do a very short stint as a New Orleans Saints Cheerleader. Does that count as European?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 6:15pm,

I've flown with this bike many times. Assembly/disassembly is very easy. I suppose I'm due for the airline to either lose or mangle it at this point, but hopefully that doesn't happen this time.

I don't assemble it at the airport though. I do it in the comfort of my hotel room. No riding into town from the airport for me. That's what cabs are for.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Roille Figners said...

Keep smiling
Keep shining
Semen on whatever clothes you wore
That's what cabs are for

dnk said...

Roille,

I salute you sir. Perfect lyrical rewrite.

Anonymous said...

The bad news is that getting caught "foffing off" in a gipsy cab nets you a hefty fine.
The good news is that you can sit on a puddle of cold semen for the low price of $10 every 5 miles, and possibly even get where you were going.
Was it real human semen? Yes, she tested. You can never trust people.

Anonymous said...

A hydration Pack with an EpiPen. Thats a real MacHiver setup ya got there. Maybe resurrect the old tube tube tanks from the fifties with a reservoir and a tube (or catheter for Joe Theisman types). Actually, anybody who's seen the last 20 minutes of Cronenbergs Naked Lunch ought to think twice out of hydrating from a tube.

semetio 14 ? really?

Anonymous said...

top tube tank, that is. Maybe Jesse James could do a collabo with Budnitz.

McFly said...

I'm with anon 2:29. WTF is that small human suckle child sitting on? Does she have enough nipple vacuum pressure to just barely have any weight on the top tube? That's one robust sturdy knocker.

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob:
It appears to me that you have been dropping the F-bomb more frequently than usual in your recent blogs. Is there something going on in your life that is causing this? Perhaps if you share it with your readers we could help you resolve your problem that is causing this outburst.
Sincerely,
M.Fuckwad Wankie

BikeSnobNYC said...

M. Fuckwad Wankie,

This post contained three (3) of your "f-bombs," one of which was merely a direct quote from another publication. As for the other two, one was in a mock Craigslist post so was warranted, and the other was merely what we Internet humorists call a "callback."

So I really don't use "f-bombs" too much. It's just that my writing is so powerful it feels like I am.

Fuckingly,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BamaPhred said...

I thought it was just me wondering what magical force was levitating the small human child. It looks like there is no bikeen top tube, so I gues itis just lip-locked on. Like Alice said, Curiouser and curiouser!

Anonymous said...

"God I admire you" - Fletch

Anonymous said...

A "graying masculine gentleman troll with saging body appendages" is selling a bike! I hope this guy means "sagging." Or maybe he smells like the spice isle of a grocery store...who knows.
http://charleston.craigslist.org/bik/4012840038.html

Cooler than Jesus said...

Pedal powered economy = 100% EMPLOYMENT!!!

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

I have me a few of those hydration packs laying around.. The only thing I found it useful for was when I took my younger kids out to the zoo, or amusement park, I would fill it up with sugar loaded goodness and then let the kids take a toke off the tube when they got thirsty.. This accomplished two things.. it kept them clean(er) as nothing to spill, and it ensured htey would stay fairly close, lest they stray to far and die of dehydration..

Hydration packs for bikes it just dumb.. Hiking, better...

Anonymous said...

My name is shorteebutta and I am a sex addict. I am looking for new clients. I am nyc#1 Ssuperhead. I will fuck anything with a heartbeat even animals too. Look me up on my site @
http://instagram.com/shorteebutta# I know all the best dark alleys to service your needs. I am a cheap date. If you can't afford me I do layaway. I don not discriminate. I live in hell's kitchen/chelsea neighborhood. My real name is Caterina Vargas (cathy). Google me I'm famous. P.S. I have genital herpes. If you still want to have some fun look me up on instagram for my rates.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

She's talking to you, CJ

cjs said...

I came across this short documentary (From One Second to the Next) because I am a Werner Herzog fan...but I became increasingly disturbed as I watched it. Why are these people being interviewed in their cozy homes (while those they struck are in wheelchairs or coffins)?? Why are they not in jail???? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BqFkRwdFZ0

Anonymous said...

Hello Bikenob
I finally got to wondering about Bret from the planet Tridork. Three seconds of image searching with Google elicited the information that he is a royalty-free stock image, copyright of a certain Ljupco Smokovski of Skopje, Macedonia.
http://www.ljsphotographyonline.com/Portfolio/Royalty-Free-Stock-Images-Part/i-34hMvnZ
Bret is described as "Cyclist riding a bike on an open road in Macedonia". Like, I thought all those people in former Commie states were still riding cardboard draisines. No doubt you already know this but I thought I'd tell you anyway.
BTW, hope you enjoy your trip to the writers fiesta in Mexico. That's what we call the State of Victoria here in Australia because it's south of a muddy river and everyone there wants to come and live in Queensland. Try that little joke out on your Mexican hosts in Melbourne, They're sure to get a hearty laugh out of it.
Peter in Queensland

Anonymous said...

Peter in Queensland

August 21, 2013 at 4:40 AM


You failed to mention we call Queensland The Deep North because it's full of inbred toothless yokels.

JB said...

Me thinks the lucky suckler is sitting on something like this.

Anonymous said...

@Mario Albino Tadpole

It not dumb. You don't know what you're talking about. Your spelling is pretty bad too, so next time just keep your wack opinions to yourself. Thanks buddy!

RoadQueen said...

JB, I've been pondering the hover-child since Monday, and I think you're right about the possible contraption.

My initial reaction was, "Wow, she's just sitting on the top tube."

Then, "Wait, what?! OW!"

Then, "Well what the...where the feck is the top tube?!"

We are so gullible.

Robo-speak: 35 gepinis <--- Hey, it's a fortune captcha!!! Although I'm pretty sure it misspelled something...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey bike snob,
I was watching the news today and heard something about a road rage incident, a bike messenger, a yellow cab and some poor tourist with an amputated foot now in critical condition in the hospital.

Never a dull moment there in the rotten apple huh?

Perhaps you could expound on this unfortunate turn of events later.

ChamoisJuice said...

What is there to comment about? Tourists are idiots, cabbies are assholes, messengers are douchnozzles. People suck. This is not news.

http://www.npr.org/2013/08/21/213882902/with-an-urban-facelift-vintage-bike-polo-picks-up-speed

Lumpen, a gentleman would never pay a woman for sex. He would pay her to leave afterwards.

McFly said...

Nice research JB. The breast-feeding model probably swivels.

Yo WCRM you should look up Cate Blanchett when you are down under. Maybe waive the $40 Spend Time With Me fee and she would come. People mistake her for Englandish but she is a Shiela. She's like weird hot. Kind of like Uma Thurman or Hillary Swank. But hot none the less.

ChamoisJuice said...

So you thought your morning ride was hard? Did your bike have gears? Did you carry 25kg of baggage? Did you have to fire your revolver to ward off marauding Aborigines? Ha! You got nothing on Donald Mackay!

TOUGH RIDE, TOUGHER RIDER – Donald Mackay and his Dux bike

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, pay her to leave afterwards? That reminds me of this one time where this girl was just pounding on my door at 2:00 in the morning, making all kinds of a racket.

I finally got up and let her out.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, and 99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

ChamoisJuice said...

well I was looking for material to make fun of aussies, and found those kid seats are called
KANG AROO BIKE
Pretty funny google image search

http://www.walmart.com/ip/WeeRide-Kangaroo-Ltd-Special-Edition-Center-Mounted-Bicycle-Child-Carrier/13396212

JB said...

The suckler's seat even came with some spoke guards to protect his little piggies.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

CJ, a gentleman would never imply he was a gentleman.

Anonymous said...

Follow NYC#1 Ssuperhead
http://instagram.com/shorteebutta# for a good time and a cheap date follow this account. I am her pimp and my girl is a guaranteed good time.

John Diogenous said...

Haha! Hilarious way to begin a post!

anxiety attack natural medication said...


It's awesome for me to have a website, which is useful designed for my experience. thanks admin

anxiety attack medicine said...


With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of completely unique content I've either written myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any techniques to help reduce content from being ripped off? I'd truly appreciate it.

candida balanitis treatment said...


Have you ever considered publishing an ebook or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog based upon on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would appreciate your work. If you're even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.