Thursday, August 8, 2013

Go Puck Yourself

As darkness is to light, as morning is to night, as Shimano is to Campagnolo, so is the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork Bret to The Raven The Crow Bird Helment Guy:





Think about it, and then crawl around on your hands and knees as you attempt to recollect the shrapnel from your blown mind.


So Australia!  How many times have I mentioned I'll be going there?  Once?  Twice?  Three times a lady?  Well, regardless, I'll be going to Australia, and in between flushing toilets to see if the water goes down the wrong way I'll be participating in presentations or something:
Wait a minute.  "Intellectual discussion?"

Fuck that, I'm not coming.

I mean really, when they invited me to Australia, I naturally assumed anything "intellectual" was off the table.

Then again, I think "intellectual" means something different in Australia, so hopefully I'll be able to muddle through.

Speaking of muddling through, I'll readily admit that I'm muddling through life, and I'm doing a fairly mediocre job of it.  Consider this blog.  In my heyday, companies threw crabon bikes at me like so much tickertape.  However, it quickly became apparent to everybody that a jaded Fred at the twilight of his amateur racing "career" was pretty much the worst bicycle product reviewer you could possibly imagine, since I was already coming to terms with certain inalienable truths, chief among them being:

--I suck, you suck, we all suck;
--All of this stuff is mostly just the same crap;
--Crabon is stupid.

And now that the sun of my racing day has dipped completely beneath the horizon and inky black night has fallen over my Fredly aspirations, these fundamental truths have cemented themselves in my mind to the degree that I've actually had them tattooed on my scranus.

So now people still offer to send me stuff, but it sure ain't bikes.  No, it's only the most desperate companies who offer to send me their wares, and in most cases I can't even figure out what these products actually are.  Consider the latest product I was offered, which was the "Shine" by Misfit Wearables:


The "Shine" is a "physical activity monitor," and as far as I can tell its sole purpose is to confirm that you're still alive.

"But wait," you're saying.  "There has to be more to it than that."  Well, yes, there's slightly more, in that it not only reminds you that you're alive, but it also tells you when you're finished doing something if you're the sort of barely sentient person who has trouble figuring that out for yourself:



"Japanese metal," you say?



Wow, Kiss totally ripped these guys off!

Anyway, here's how the Futuristic Japanese Metal Space Puck works:

The Shine is a tiny circle not much larger than a quarter that’s made from Japanese metal or aircraft-grade aluminum. It has LED lights beneath the surface that glow through minuscule holes on the metal itself. Those lights form a ring, indicating how far a person is toward completing their activity goals for the day. You tap the Shine twice to see how much progress you’ve made. If half the lights shine, you’re halfway done. If they complete a circle, then you’ve hit your goal.

Seriously?

Yesterday I mentioned a pair of $1,700 pedals that tell you in numbers how badly you suck at bike riding.  I think they're ridiculous.  At the same time, as a reformed Fred, I can at least understand the obsessive-compulsive urge to compare past shitty performance with present shitty performance in order to delude yourself that all the "training" and "upgrades" are working.  (They're not.)

This, on the other hand, just seems to tell you when you're finished doing things that it should be obvious when you're finished doing them (how's that for awkward syntax?):

I had a chance to test it out for a week or so, tracking everything from regular walks to dancing and downhill mountain biking.

Downhill mountain biking?  Come on now.  When you're at the bottom of the hill you're done, and if you start going uphill again then you've gone too far.

It's also really ambiguous to program, like a digital watch from the 1980s:

Throughout the day, the Shine tracks how much you walk or run. It also handles sleep, swimming and cycling, but you have to program it. To do that, you tap the Shine three times, and it will recognize whichever activity you set up in the paired app. Unfortunately, like the other activity trackers, it doesn’t handle yoga (and as someone who practices pretty much every day, the Shine and other competing products are missing out on an hour of physical activity).

Good thing it handles sleep.  I've been looking for an alarm clock that doesn't tell me what time it is.  As for the fact that "it doesn't handle yoga," do you really need a Futuristic Japanese Metal Space Puck to tell you when you're finished with yoga?  Yoga is just bending yourself.  Here's a clue: If your own genitals are in your mouth, it's probably time to stop for the day.

Oh, it also costs $100, but at least it's easy to lose:


6. Is it easy to lose?

It's a common problem to lose small things, especially when you're wearing them. Shine is probably going to be no exception. We think that by making something beautiful and precious like Shine, you’ll be less likely to lose it. You’re more apt to lose things you don’t value.

Incredible.

Anyway if you actually want one of these but you don't want to spend $100, I recommend wrapping your iPhone in about fifteen layers of duct tape.  Sure, it will be larger, but it will be just as functional.

I will say though that as a burnt-out Fred I do have great admiration for the people in the cycling media who somehow still manage to get excited about all this stuff.  I love riding bikes just as much as ever (actually more than ever, now that I've let my USA Cycling license expire), but after only six years of bike blogging I've become totally desensitized to all equipment, like a porn producer who can't get a boner.  Meanwhile, people like Lennard Zinn have been writing about this stuff for decades, and they can still wax downright erotic on some brake levers (as forwarded by a reader):


I really like being able to wrap all four of my fingers around the front of the tall master cylinder sticking up from the brake lever. It’s a great position for pulling hard on a long, seated climb, especially on a hot day when my sweaty hands would otherwise be slipping around on the lever hoods.

Filthy dirty. He should be ashamed of himself.  Someone wash his mouth out with Pedro's.

The other thing I've never learned how to do but is absolutely essential for reviewing bike stuff is praising it for doing stuff that other stuff already does perfectly well and then supporting this with spurious anecdotes about the pros:


The HRR (Hydraulic Road Rim) brakes are powerful and modulate very well. I’ve been riding a lot of mountain descents on them the past three weeks and find them to be confidence-inspiring. SRAM claims that Mark Cavendish said they saved him from crashing in the big stage 1 pileup in the Tour de France on Corsica. I had a jogger jump out in front of me on the Boulder Creek Bike Path and I stopped on a dime without skidding. 

"A SRAM rep heard from a guy who's friends with Mark Cavendish's mom that he told his aunt that his SRAM ARGHHH (Actuatable Rim-Grabbing Hydraulic Halt-Helpers) brakes saved his life!!!"

As for the incident with the jogger, I've been on the Boulder Creek Bike Path, and I'm reasonably certain the scenario would have played out no differently if he'd been riding a coaster brake bike in flip-flops.

But he didn't skid, which means your current cable-actuated rim brakes are actually too powerful, so for your own safety and the love of god discard them immediately!!!

Meanwhile, the New York Times takes a look at a beautiful Mill Valley home, and in so doing furnishes us with a cautionary tale about life among Freds that reads like a Lifetime movie:



Nancy Goldstein likes cycling well enough, but with him and their two grown sons so crazy for the sport, and now all racing competitively, what choice does she have, really? She knows the lingo, keeps up with the American circuit and is resigned to having nine bicycles dangling from the garage of her sleek new house in Mill Valley, Calif.

Without the associated pull of spokes and wheels, there is no doubt she would have spent more of her time in out-of-the-way galleries searching for emerging artists whose work moves her, art collecting being her No. 1 sport.

It's sobering to think that if Nancy Goldstein hadn't been smothered by her husband and childrens' Fredness all those years, she might actually have amassed a priceless art collection.  Instead, they've probably got a garage full of crabon--though maybe if they have a Serotta it will be worth something, now that Ben Serotta has been fired:



Early last Sunday evening while stopped at the side of the road looking at a paper map with Marcie, thinking about where we should head to enjoy the remaining hours of a beautiful sunny, mid-summer evening, my cell phone rang and I instinctively answered it.   One of the current company owners was on the other end and he coldly started, “I am terminating you. Your email password has been changed and your building access code has been deleted.  You can arrange to get your personal things on Tuesday.” And with that (no cause was given, aka terminated without cause) my life at Serotta the company, came to an abrupt end. 

That's just fucked up.

Of course, what the current owners of Serotta probably don't realize is that when you mess with Ben Serotta you mess with every dentist in America, and the ADA is sure to send one of their "enforcers" to take revenge:


("Is it laterally stiff and vertically compliant?")

Lastly, in yesterday's comments a reader posted a link to the following article:



Basically, cycling is popular in the Netherlands because Dutch people don't like it when their children get killed:

The jump in car numbers caused a huge rise in the number of deaths on the roads. In 1971 more than 3,000 people were killed by motor vehicles, 450 of them children.

In response a social movement demanding safer cycling conditions for children was formed. Called Stop de Kindermoord (Stop the Child Murder), it took its name from the headline of an article written by journalist Vic Langenhoff whose own child had been killed in a road accident.

Silly Dutchies.  We have a much smarter approach here in Canada's pudendum, and it's called the "Better your kid than mine" approach.  Basically, this involves strapping your offspring into a heavily-armored suburban troop transport vehicle (minivan), and whichever kids actually make it to the park alive duke it out on the soccer field, assuming they're still able to run after all the junk food.

We may be sedentary and useless and reliant on Futuristic Japanese Metal Space Pucks to tell us when we're finished taking a dump, but we can fly the shit out of a drone, so we'll be back to save all your asses again in World War III.

And we won't even have to leave the couch.

117 comments:

McFly said...

Boom

Christian said...

POOODIUMMM!!!

Anonymous said...

D'oh!

Marcel Da Chump said...

puck it

Anonymous said...

Wha..?

Anonymous said...

Top X
3rd day inna row

Anonymous said...

You're getting up too early, dude.

Blog Drafter said...

The Man Who Only Rides The Ends Of Bicycles.

The Man Who Alternately Rides Gravel Bikes, Road Bikes, and Fixies.

The Man Who Argues While Riding A Bike.

(Way to go Snob, the link is already f'd up, you blew up UTube again.)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

ERLY PUCK

Spokey said...

top 10?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

top 11

and

13 diussh

ChamoisJuice said...

:P

leroy said...

WCRM--

Oh you think you're old?

I have a birthday next week.

My dog told me he thinks it's so brave of me to still ride.

I tried to kick him, but he's too fast for me.

Anonymous said...

SHA-NA-NA!

balls™ said...

I am thankful for two things:

1)I am not waiting on a newly ordered custom Serotta.
2)I am not a dentist.
3)I did not tattoo my scrannus.
4)I never learned to count.

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

hey that japanese metal was pretty good. But either my Japanese is a bit rusty or those lyrics are not for a fucking family forum like this.

Spokey said...

and what's with "asshode 56" for a captcha? This blog is definitely swirling down the aussie toilet

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wonderfully curated rehash of the same ole same ole.

Really liked the ending.

mikeweb said...

McFly, please pee in this cup.

No, this one.

No, th - okay, forget it.

mikeweb said...

rct,

I liked the ending too.

And for those who don't know yet, WWIII will be fought over the internet. Not the world wide web, the internet. There's a difference.

Euro Spondee said...

"If your own genitals are in your mouth, it's probably time to stop for the day."
Are you kidding me? That's when the fun starts...

Name said...

Half of their asses (at least) was saved by the Soviets. So I wonder if you will be able to do the job alone next time, drones or no drones.

Anonymous said...

My Serotta-riding dentist says yoga is giving me a malocclusion. On the upside, my Cervelotard urologist says my prostate is tiny.

Anonymous said...

http://narrative.ly/not-afraid-of-a-fight/zen-and-the-art-of-whip-cracking/

Plutarco.

"vehicular" cyclist said...

bike lanes are a slippery slope toward dangerous "dutch style" infrastructure - which, according to our lord and savior Forester, cause death and destruction to rain down from the sky upon children and puppies and kittens. It was much better when .00001% of road users were cyclists and bike driving was the rule of the land.

RedRidingPrincess said...

I got all wet reading Zinn... my nipples got excited, too.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Anon 11:59,

i'll be impressed when she can crack that whip while riding on a bike.

ge said...

GOLD, SNOBBY, GOLD!!!

Oops, caps lock is so yesterday.

BamaPhred said...

The Shine, a Pet Rock by any other name, You're on fire today Sir Snob.
I'll spare the rant about the ultra gimmicky stuff, and I'm a gadget freak myself. Sheesh.

Fred Nifacent said...

Get the puck outta here! It will tell me when I stop doing stuff? My that is quite useless. I see the next "as seen on TV" clearance item.

crosspalms said...

That puck thing can handle dancing? What, it knows when the song ends? Genius!

McFly said...

A Poop Completion App for the Shine that lights up does not tickle my fancy. A Wipe Completion App, now that's something I can get behind. Don't give me that If It Comes Up White You Did It Right jargon..I need digital readings.

BamaPhred said...

Wrapping all for fingers...pulling...sweaty palms...slipping are we still talking about bikes? Or are we back to wanking again? Or is it the same? Only with a power meter, I guess.

Comment deleted said...

Ooh, that Japanese metal is the best you can get. I've had disks made of shitty American metal, and let me tell you, they just don't have the same quality mouth-feel, nose or oakiness.

Oh, my disk just lit up to tell me that I'm done commenting.

Anonymous said...

NAMA STE!

Yarpo said...

Will we be able to purchase an artisanally hand-made Leather Scranus-Mounted Puck Holder through our over-pricing friends at Best Made? Do the indicator lights glow bright enough to see through your pants AND underwear?

McFly, Christian, and Anon 11:15am: way to split the breakaway up by attacking with Meh Kilometers to go! Congrats!

McFly said...

It felt good dig into my make-up bag full of excuses and block all images of vaginal shoreline out of my head and turn myself inside out by pouring myself into the pedals.

And really who wants to be stuck behind Kari while she tries to take all your glory?

Anonymous said...


http://www.wxow.com/story/23050065/drunk-walking-leads-to-pedestrians-fatalities

g. said...

Beep. Beep. Beep. All machines hate me. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Lauren said...

Hi Eben - I just tried emailing you for an interview but it bounced back! We met at the Bike NY Expo and I'd love to do a story on you for my monthly "Spin Off" column at BikeNYC.org/Transportation Alternatives. I'm at lauren@offmetro.com. Thanks!

g. said...

Or the more accurate quote:
"Beep beep beep, oh no heavy, the coins keep coming out, beep beep beep, even the telephone hates me, beep beep beep, I wish there were no machines, and everyone led a pastoral existence, trees and flowers don't deliberately cool you out and go beep in your ear."

Anonymous said...

Hi little boy. I met your before, really I did. Would you like an interview? You would ! I have one for you in the back of my van, just climb in and I'll secure the door...

Udder said...

Serotta got fired for making bikes that nobody wants to buy.

Anonymous said...

Lauren,

You got bounced because he doesn't want to talk to you...

g. said...

Lauren,
Try CL's missed connections. I think he hangs out there.

Mention fingering and scranii and you've probably got an "in".

BamaPhred said...

He is easy to find. Just look for the guy with
--I suck, you suck, we all suck;
--All of this stuff is mostly just the same crap;
--Crabon is stupid.
Tattoed on his scranus.

Anonymous said...

"Beep. Beep. Beep. All machines hate me. Beep. Beep. Beep."

Neil!! Is that you? Great to hear from you again!

cheetoh_color_factory_worker said...

Ohhh Mill Valley, CA.

If there was a ranking system for plutocrats dressed down in artisinal (artis-anal?) clothes that look like they came from TJ Maxx only cost 100x more, then Mill Valley is top-3.

Perhaps the quoted article is the best example yet of cycling becoming the new golf. Because, there's waaaay more money to be spent to look the part for cycling than golf. $2000 pedals anyone?

Lord Kindermoord said...

Snob, I am you father.

Regular guy said...

So if the Shine-ola is a smart activity tracker, does it let you know if you're doing something stupid? Now that would be valuable.

Otherwise, like I said to the guy with the bird stuck to his helmet who tried to pass me, "Go pluck yourself!"

Spence said...

Go what? Why Bike Snob, whatever do you mean?

grey_cheesy_poofs said...

I guess Ben just found out what it feels like to be an employee. We all know the person who fired him didn't give it a second thought.

Somehow though, I don't see Ben having trouble making the rent next month, much less the next mortgage payment.

Robot stack failure

Anonymous said...

WW III?

As the Greatest Generation dies off by the day, just imagine if today's overweight, junk-food addled, entitled generation actually faced the rigors of combat or the sacrifice of an actual war.

WW III will be fought against the Chinese, and they will prevail over the entire US military machine by wielding a single baggie full of gluten.

The King of Park Slope said...

I would totally not send my kid to a kindermoord unless it was Montessori.

3G said...

I can't wait until someone's dog eat's the Shine. It's gonna go nuts when it starts humping someone's leg.

Jimboner said...

So I tethered my shine puck to my scranus and then linked it to my procrastination tracking app. Needless to say it eventually melted and left me with a quarter-sized hickey.

McFly said...

Yo Snob you should totally let Lauren do that interview. On a scale of 1 to Get Over Here she is definately a GOH.

Anonymous said...

It seems Ben Serotta might have been doing some things that got him fired.

http://forums.thepaceline.net/showpost.php?p=1398068&postcount=71

Buffalo Bill said...

Rule number 7: no poofters.

Anonymous said...

worth a read, a local viewpoint on the Serotta story:
http://saratogaindecline.blogspot.com/2013/08/media-darling-serotta-cycles-will-cease.html

BanaPhred said...

Serotta.
Never saw a Serotta, don't know anyone who has ever owned one.
I guess that actually says more about me and the company I keep than I care anyone to know.

McFly said...

Lauren,
If you want some hard-hitting in-depth journalism you should fly to West Tn and do an article on Low-Profile High-Velocity Missle Dogs. It's that kind of work that will put you in the running for a Noble Piece Prize.

Yarpo said...

Oh my Lob! It just hit me! Is the Shine Puck-Thing Dong Flap-Compatible? Because I would fer sher buy it then. Like, totally!

I can't believe that I didn't think to ask that before.
Weak coffee...

Thanks for the Japatonian Metal Video. it didn't make my day, or even my morning, but it did hasten the Urge for the Morning Constitutional, which is of great religious import as you can guess.

Anonymous said...

Snobby, you´ve become so incredibly BORING! Instead of writing about cycling you choose to write about every nonsense one can imagine. Time to unbookmark you, sorry!

BamaPhred said...

Snob just checked out his potential interviewer and launched hisself and his Ritte Von Finklestein onto the Bronx tarmac forthwith. Then tried to look cool and nonchalant about it.

Roille Figners said...

I. 'member "gelatis" girl?

II. When I think of Japanese metal, I think of Loudness, a.k.a. Rowdaness. But no, the Shine people just came right out and admitted, it's just plain old aluminum, as in Japanese metal can, Japanese metal foil, and Japanese metal chlorohydrate.

III. I would say that "racing competitively" is a bit redundant, since there is no such thing as "racing non-competitively," unless you mean "racing so shittily that you are considered uncompetitive."

CAPS LOCK

the Commentariat said...

Anon 2:34 - is that you, CJ? Oh, please let it be CJ.

Anonymous said...

Lauren Matison? Yeah she is a Manhattan hottie. Sara gonna be jelly, bro.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:34pm,

Every time someone unbookmarks me an angel tickles my scranus.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Jan! said...

I, for one, like this post for its underlying message and social commentary.

babble on said...

Brilliant. Hats off. You are a fucking rockstar, Mr Weiss. I love it when someone can actually blow my mind.

ChamoisJuice said...

True pooping bliss requires good form. The western sitting toilet bunches up your internals. Man is made to squat. Buddy below demonstrates how to make it work in a Western toilet.
2 Postures in the public toilet
DON'T PUSH


Thirty subjects participated in the study – 21 male, 9 female – ranging in age from 11 to 75 years. Each patient received a barium enema so the internal mechanics of voiding could be recorded on an X-Ray image. Each patient was studied in both the squatting and the sitting positions.

Using these images, Dr. Rad measured the angle where the end of the rectum joins the anal canal. At this junction point, the puborectalis muscle creates a kink to prevent incontinence. Dr. Rad found that when the subjects used sitting toilets the average angle of this bend was 92 degrees, forcing the subjects to strain. When they used squat toilets, the angle opened to an average of 132 degrees. At times it reached 180 degrees, making the pathway perfectly straight.

Using squat toilets, all the subjects reported "complete" evacuation. "Puborectalis relaxation occurred easily and straightening of the rectum and anal canal facilitated evacuation. The anal canal became wide open and no folding was noticed in the terminal rectum."



Anonymous said...

I kinda like that house, but I've always been partial to the modernist movement. It wouldn't work here in the Rockies due to snow loads and high winds, plus heating and cooling a house with that kind of extreme glass here in climate zone 5-6 is something only a rich idiot would attempt. The article didn't mention what type of insulation they used on the roof and walls. Hopefully, with such a low slope roof, they went with a compact unvented assembly with rigid insulation external to the roof deck and an air barrier that is continuous with the walls. Wonder if they used radiant floor or some other type of heat. Are those direct vent sealed combustion fireplaces?

You really can learn to appreciate fine homebuilding after following ShedSnobNYC for a few years.

ge said...

Roille, Loudness! Yeah, that's who I was thinking of. Gotta say, the novelty of Japanese metal wears off quick. Besides, I have to think that the sound quality coming out of that little disc has the be tinny. I'll pass.

Carlos Danger said...

I squat and shit upon the balding head of CJ.

Anonymous said...


Anon 2:34PM - can you send us a link to your blog, I'm sure it's absolutely scintillating.



Dooth said...



I still don't how bicycles really work.

Why is cycling so popular in the Netherlands?

Could the Shine find me a geisha girl?

Grump said...

Shine, tubeless bike tires, and hydraulic brakes are the 21st century versions of.....

Mood ring, $25 clincher training tires, and $3.99 brake cables.
.
.

Dooth said...

I KNOW Laurence Olivier was one helluva thespian.

What Me Worry said...

Dorothy R. says the Dutch also have socialized medicine, see how stupid they are.

the Commentariat said...

Dear Babble: the part of you I wish to blow is found about 2 1/2 feet to the south of your mind.

the Commentariat said...

CJ, thanks for sharing with us your preparation routine for being buggered.

Do you prefer KY or Astroglide?

Or is it "Bite the pillow, CJ, I'm coming in dry."

Mr Plow said...

I prefer Shonen Knife myself.

Hey BSNYC / RTMS / WCRM do any of your bikes have lugs? You must at least one in your stable.

Freddy Murcks said...

Wha!?! There was a race today? I guess a podium spot is out of the question. Hopefully, I will at least make the time cut. Nonetheless, cruising leisurely along and doing bongs with the rest of the pack fill on le autobus is pretty cool.

21 EJosta

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob

It is not often that I am moved to comment. Today's blog post was really great. Thank you very much.

See you in Melbourne!

Anonymous said...

Snob, do something about CJ. Just do it!

Anonymous said...

As I was looking at your post today the first thing I noticed, of course, was the picture of Fred. Then, as I scrolled past that incredibly annoying blinking ad and continued reading your very entertaining post I noticed Fred again, in an ad off to the side DELIVERING LOBSTERS. Snobby, do you even know that this is happening–that some jerk advertiser is possibly MAKING FUN OF YOU?

Just thought I'd let you know.

Spokey said...

Anonymous @ 5:52 PM

Not to worry. The great LOB knows and will deal with Wildcat in his own fashion in her own way.

WC may find being dragged over the great coral reef somewhat worse than he expected.

Anonymous said...

MY LOB....praise be to his holiness crabon scranus. That had to be best Snob post in hours...nay....days....nay...weeks. I laughed, I cried, I shot milk from my nose.

RoadQueen said...

Feeling blah the past few days, sorry guys and gals.

Oral surgery happened on Wednesday....and not in the good way. Zapping my witty reserves. Hope you all ride safe while I moan on the couch with ice packs on my face.

Again...not in the good way.

Anonymous said...

Show the Australians this video so that they may learn from our advanced culture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-ihgqt8YrI

Cesium Jerk said...

The Shine gets it's name because of being crafted from reclaimed Japanese metal from the Fukushima nuclear plant.

babble on said...

Sorry to hear it, Queenie babes. Heal quickly, K?

Anonymous said...

andseot 2231


(just proving i'm not a robot)

Spokey said...

get well queenie.

How 'bouts ice cream? That's usually OK after wisdom tooth stuff.

ge said...

Yeah, I prefer Shonen Knife and a lot of bands to Loudness, but we're talking Japanese metal, albeit slow metal. Maybe they play Loudness when it's time to stop your workout. slowwww dowwwwn

45 wardsDi - Japanese punk?

Anonymous said...

Kindermoord?
Every car a murder.
Every bicycle a love affair...

wishiwasmerckx said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

Anonymous said...

I've noticed that titanium is the new grey.

ruthie mathes said...

Airbag for Cyclists

babble on said...

yes, but it goes waaaaay beyond grey. Ti is the new bi.

Oh! ... and... mmm love affairs... I love being in love... :)

ce said...

So it seems hydraulic brakes designed for hot mix road bikes, concrete road bikes, chip seal road bikes, cobblestone road bikes, gravel road bikes and dirt road bikes (please excuse me if, for simplicity's sake, I aggregate these disparate categories under the crude umbrella term "road bike") are actually a thinly veiled attempt (like a coat of purple anodizing) to quietly satiate the forbidden market demand for enormous dorky '90s style bar ends... for road bikes; a desire that the hoods of cable actuating brakes can never fulfil. Of course, mountain biking moved on, but the road freds are still secretly lusting after the awesome they missed out on all those years ago.

Hmmm, secretly lusting after enormous purple protuberances, Freud says I'm even gayer than McFly. But of course, Rule 1, Rule 3, Rule 5 and Rule 7.

Rocko, speaking of the Monty Python vision of Australia, if you head up north to Queensland on your visit you can go for a ride on the Bruce Highway.

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The Commentariat said...

Queen,
Let's say oral surgery happened on Wednesday....and in the good way. Zapping your titty reserves. Do you still moan on the couch with nice tracks on your face?

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Unknown said...

Did I hear a rumour you're going to Australia? Don' worry - it'll be our little secret, But if you go to Melbourne, keep in mind that not only do they drive on totally the wrong side of the road (at least they are consistent - or maybe they all switch on Wednesdays) but they also have a think called the "hook turn" which has killed more tourists than the rabid koalas on Kangaroo Island (I know, talk about misnamed).

Check this out

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hook_Turn_Sign_Melbourne.jpg

Anonymous said...

Coming to Aust? Check out violent soho's new film clip. Make sure you bring your helmet.

Angie Kritenbrink said...

Who's Eben?

p.s. maybe people stopped sending you stuff because you just keep making fun of it. ;)

Anonymous said...

The clapper on that kickstarter bell should rotate on a ceramic bearing.

babble on said...

Guess what was too racy for Vancouver city streets? The science of sex. Seriously.

Don't they know that SEX=mmmmmmmmmc2 ?

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