Friday, August 9, 2013

BSNYC Friday Holy Crap, It's Friday Already? I'm Still Wearing The Same Underpants From Monday!

Things!  I have them to do!

Therefore, I'm going to get right to this week's quiz, but not before informing you that your current bell sucks and that you need this, the Chris King Headset of ding-a-lings:



Evidently there's a real pent-up demand for a bell worthy of a Fred's cockpit, because they've already raised a shitload of money:


Whatever.  I'm holding out for either an electronic or a hydraulic version.

Anyway, I wasn't kidding about things and the having to do of them, so I'm now pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then fan-fucking-tastic, and if you're wrong you'll see how we do things here in America.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and stay dry this weekend--unless you're all flaky and scaly, in which case stay moist.


Love,


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) Putz.

--True






2) In Boston, the latest weapon against bike thieves is:








("Craaack!  Craaack!")


3) Which is of the following is not a basic difference between crows and ravens?







(Ben Serotta has been known to trade frames for tooth whitenings.)

4) Having been terminated by the bicycle company he founded, Ben Serotta has announced that he will now manufacture crabon fribé toothbrushes under the brand name "VeloDent."

--True








5) You need SRAM hydraulic rim brakes because:







(The face that launched a thousand Fred boners.)

6) Oh, just retire already.

--True




7) "Shine on, you crazy _____________":





***Special "Precarious Balance Of The Universe"-Themed Bonus Question***


Is to:


As:






105 comments:

Christian said...

Woohoo! Eat that hungover bitches!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

undies from LAST monday, right?

Anonymous said...

BRONZE

Anonymous said...

TOOP TEEN

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Happy with my spot in the lead out train.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

i was tripped and missed podio...
may have been cipo's olive oil.

Anonymous said...

Topping tens

Anonymous said...

top ten yay

Jasper said...

Early doors

Spokey said...

wahoo! top 10!

That granny gear is the best.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I like bicycle cycling bells. I have them on most of my bikes. I like the sound of the brass ones the best. However all the standard bells available today are crap.

I like nice things. I'd put down the green for that bell. Cool video they made too with the machine tools in action.

Spokey said...

so none of you ACTUALLY did the quiz? How come no comment on how snob fucked up question 2?

McFly said...

Will those titty hoods angle in far enough to touch each other?

I got my reasons for asking.

TOOP GEAR said...

After the video of the guys enforcing the new strict helment laws in LA, yooootube recommends a vid of James May explaining the whole 'bicycles don't stay up from gyroscopes' thing mentioned the other day.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

is the fred bell made of japanese metal?

Spokey said...

RCT

a few years back I was at a LAB / Bike Maine (or whatever they call themselves) event. They were giving away bells that sounded like and looked like that for free. Still got that one on my bike.

But I agree with laying down some green. If only I could find the bell of my dreams. . .

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Spokey, question 2 was way too easy... so i didn't even click... anyways, i'm sick of cardboard police... it's enough i had to carry a cardboard of my boss for a day.... don't ask why.

ChamoisJuice said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7oGk-ozhKI

Spokey said...

SR

hope you cleaned yourself (& the boss) afterwards!

BamaPhred said...

Mammo-Drive! I blew my Froot Loops, or is it Lucky Charms now, out my nose. On a Felt no less! WAAAHHHH! Now I'm picking up the shrapnel from my blown mind.

Jimboner said...

Ass Pony!

samh said...

Spokey, I just assumed they were cardboard drones. And the "Man Shot on Bicycle" video put an even worse lump in my stomach than the pasty putz video from a few days ago. *Shudder*

balls™ said...

Fucksticks.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

NICE BELL
FRED BONE
JAPS TEEL
BOOB HOOD
VELO DENT
ASSP ONY!
YIN& YANG

Friday knuktat blowout. Have a good weekend everybody.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Shot on a bicycle? Where I come from, that is what happens when you buy $2,000.00 powertap pedals, then fall behind on your payments.

Marcel Da Chump said...

doored bell

crosspalms said...

Scary video, but I'm glad the cyclist wasn't killed. How we do things in America indeed.

Buffalo Bill said...

Come on you raver

Comment deleted said...

Congrats on the top step, Christian. But shouldn't that be "Eat *those* hungover bitches!"?

P.S. Feel better, RoadQueen!

DB said...

I think Snob is busy today because he's meeting with Lauren Matison.
Be careful, my friend. Keep that wedding band on.

Buffalo Bill said...

you seer of visions,

BamaPhred said...

They were just shooting at Deebo,(riding a stolen bicycle)and sometimes Snob rejects conventional reality and substitutes his own version. The answer is correct when viewed as the tester administered.

Buffalo Bill said...

come on you..
ah fuck it, I forgot that line about getting blown on the steel breeze.

Anonymous said...

Look at this stupid bike.

http://www.rikimbili.com/rikimbili-riquimbili-1.jpg

_____________ said...

Learn how to kiss a girl

Regular guy said...

That yin yang video warmed my cold heart, thank you.

vantage said...

i got confused. me thinks you got an answer wrong about the drones and cops.
then i got all distractd watching the crows and ravens.

Hegnawed Hertitsov said...

Snobby phoning it in today. Oh well there always the commentariat.

babble on said...

Bigger bells have a peal.

DerZoots said...

LOLZ the ying & yang was a perfect ending.

Hahahaha.



Robot Stopper: 119 erjeci

ge said...

Retrogrouch, that ding-ding doesn't sound like it's Japanese metal, but I'm no expert on the genre.

CommieCanuck said...

Monday to Friday no problem.

COMM ANDO

The Raven said...

quote..............never.........more......unquote

3G said...

Velodent had me frickin Lololololololoing

McFly said...

I am a big fan of commando myself in Tenn summers but believe it or not it's been extremely mild and pleasant this year. Lot's of rain and mid 80's for the most part.

Sometimes I still go bareback if I want to feel like a sexy beast.

Christian said...

@Comment deleted

Oopsie! No time for commas when you're wiener!

Also, that bell is actually pretty awesome. As a skilled machinist for 34 years of my 21 years, I can say they've done a bang-up job. I might just subsidize them with my student loan.

Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for the gravel road specific bell (doesn't ding-ding-ding-ding rolling on the crunchy stuff).

Question #2? How about the totally lousy Photoshop on Serotta's teeth. It's is a good thing that Snobbie is NOT a dentist. That would be something else besides biking that he would suck at. Also you have to have clean underwear to be a dentist.

Roille Figners said...

ROWDANESS!

Exquisite artisanal bike bells are still bike bells (i.e. one of the most useless and annoying inventions ever... except smartphones of course). Also people shouldn't brag that they "revinvented" things.

Yeah I had to hate.

Anonymous said...

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/3975414953.html

ChamoisJuice said...

^ prime candidate for a fucking machine conversion.

Replace the comfort seat with one of those "LOOK! I have problems with erections" seats with the dildo hole.

Mount the dildo to the lower seat tube.

OFF TO THE RACES.

I personally run a Selle Italia Flite at a slight upward angle, so that everyone knows, I have no problems in the boner department.

McFly said...

My bro bought a Flight. Hated it. I tried it. Felt like someone hit me in the taint with a bat after each ride. Went with a Selle Italia SLR with SackSnag CutOut Technology. Love it love it love it.

Different seats for different meats. People ask my advice and I say, "They all suck, you just have to find the one that sucks the least for you."

Fritz said...

That Fred Bell is irritating as hell

I prefer a Clown Horn

McFly said...

Is that Bill Murray holding that 10 speed?

wishiwasmerckx said...

McFly, that is my saddle, too. I bought mine in the pro peloton version because it matches the colorway of my bike and it is a limited-production model, which means that they will manufacture the exact number ordered by idiots stupid enough to pay a premium for them, but not a single unit more than that...

Anonymous said...

Goddamnit, Freds HAVE ALWAYS used bells. That's what makes a fred, a fred. Mirrors, bells, reflective vests, fenders. Practical shit that is dorky to racers.

McFly said...

Now this is something that needs to be at the forefront of national media.

leroy said...

Perfect score.

Ride safe all!

My dog explained the success of that new bicycling bell. It has a catchy theme song.

But he also claims Kevlar is the new crabon.

ChamoisJuice said...

RUSH MORE

What Rushmore is to Wes Anderson,

Kludgie is to Bike Snob

HIWA TRMK

Torn Pantleg said...

As a seriously competitive cyclist, I will be putting a strain gauge inside my sphincter so that I can measure my Fecal Arrest Resistance Tension, or “F.A.R.T.”

For those unfamiliar, the F.A.R.T. electronic device (F.A.R.T.E.D.) resembles the concave-shaped wheel from a chain-guide, with soft, rounded edges to alleviate rider discomfort. It settles neatly and comfortably in the round sphincter muscle, and using a small piezo, measures the clamping forces of the anus during exertion.

When combined with existing pedal or crank power-meters such as Look, SRM, Quark, Powertap, etc., pedaling wattage data can be compared with the clenching of one’s asshole, generating measurable performance gains both on (and off) the bike.

I’ve experienced the benefits of measuring my F.A.R.T. on my training rides; it helps me get down to business— the business of winning.

Related note: This device is being developed for the urethra, shrunk to the size of a 1/4” or 3/16” size bearing, depending on the size of your piss hole.

DerZoots said...

it helps me get down to business— the business of winning.

LOLZ!

I say it again good commenter...

LOLZ!!


Robot Corral: mershke 51

ge said...

Anyone else notice the linkway to the vibrating bike seat at the bottom of the Jens Voight article?

Mr Plow said...

I'll buy a bell as soon as they make one that screams "hey asshole pay attention ".
I mean, am I really going to chase a driver two blocks, catch him at a light, pound on his window and then ring my bell at him?

DB said...

Now That was news I can use!
Thanks, McFly.

Anonymous said...

http://www.theactivetimes.com/cheapskates-guide-buying-commuter-bike

me

cycle

antibozo said...

Most of the sound emanating from a bell is perpendicular to the axis of the bell, with some going downward from the bell and very little going upward. The position prominently displayed, with the top of the bell pointing along the direction of travel, makes the bell sound very loud to the cyclist, vaguely audible to people behind the cyclist, and inaudible to people in front. So these guys don't give the impression of knowing WTF they're doing.

Cycle Jerk said...

I love my bell so much I could just stay home and polish it's smooth domed head all day.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Babble,

did you not know about this ... bigger orgasms have a peal.

BamaPhred said...

Chuck Berry's only #1 US Pop hit I watched the Kickstarter and this is all I could hear.
.
.

My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling
My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling
.
.
.
And those of you who will not sing
must be playing with your own Ding-a-ling

Anonymous said...

Not worth commenting on...oh damn, I just commented.

leroy said...

BamaPhred --

Well thank goodness someone else heard my dog suggest a catchy theme song for the new bicycle cycling bell.

I knew I wasn't the only one who has heard him speak.

SS said...

hey Snob,
you yuppie hipster!...
http://cnj.craigslist.org/bik/3937415793.html 9002, the crabon fibre will not dissapoint.
I wonder how many miles he put on it after he purchased at REI (still with the owners manual).
be well

RoadQueen said...

Just stopping by briefly to add my .02

1. Commando is the ONLY way to go. Ever.

2. I think instead of getting a bell, I'm going to mount a boom box to my handle bars that will play 'Move Bitch' by Ludacris when I deem it necessary. Sure would save on my vocal chords.

Happy riding everyone. Zzzzzzzzz.....

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

DB said...now That was news I can use!
--
Not wishing to be mean, but do you need an official excuse to give a woman an orgasm?

babble on said...

Mmm hmm-actually any orgasm has appeal, but the bigger the better, and really, every day should be International Orgasm Day!

babble on said...

Ooooh, Queenie, you could be a very bad influence on me. Commando in my little sundress might just be a leeeeetle bit daring, even for me, but a little air conditioning does sound appealing on a hot one like today...

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Babble, I assumed every day was International orgasm day for you

DB said...

Lumpen:
No offense taken.
When a woman reaches a certain age, sometimes you need an international holiday to loosen them up.

Not that's that is a problem for me.
Just sayin'

rural 14 said...

rural 1st!

harvest harvest / rain & flooding.
Mebbe I should move to Bushwick? Very appealing, plus all them commandos.

I wisht I was a robot.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

DB - that sounds like a good reason. Hope it all goes well

ChamoisJuice said...

Trade in, trade up is my motto.

Comment deleted said...

"Bushwick" sounds like an advantage of not going commando.

McFly said...

This is a funny story. We have no kids tonight so I sent hunny bunny a text that said I WANT TO GO AHEAD AND PLACE AN ORDER FOR AN 8 MINUTE BLOWJOB. Well she is a traveling salesperson and was with a customer and they were having a friendly dispute over a text he had sent her about an order placed so she opens her phone and shoves it in his face and says SEE I GOT THE TEXT YOU SENT RIGHT HERE. He giggles and says Well I know what you will be doing tonight. Then tells 2 ladies within earshot. She wanted to die. I was dying laughing. She said he placed a huge order after the ordeal.

I bet he did. I bet he did.

CommieCanuck said...

I'll buy a bell as soon as they make one that screams "hey asshole pay attention ".
I mean, am I really going to chase a driver two blocks, catch him at a light, pound on his window and then ring my bell at him?


If you buy a Harley , you could wear this.

Until then, loud farts save lives.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

McFly... why an 8-min blow job? or is 8 the mobius strip and it has no end until the happy end?

babble on said...

Lumpen - Yes, absolutely! That`s why I`m such a happy girl. It`s the international awareness bit that`s needed now, so that more girls understand the many benefits of a daily orgasm.

It`s an important milestone on the bike path to world peace.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

yes babbs...
a long bike ride, followed by a 'communal' orgasm could bring on world peace... or at least momentary relief.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

I'm right there with you Babs (sigh, I wish), ready to give my all for the cause.

---

McFly - I hope you don't get a nasty surprise tonight after that story.

Dooth said...

"You could ring my bell, ell, ell
Ring my bell
(my bell, ring-a-ding)"...
New Yorkers of a certain age might remember that song.

the last days of disco said...

Dooth = last remaining Anita Ward fan.

Dooth said...

Damn skippy...now I gotta dig out the old white polyester suit.

McFly said...

8 min is just the right amount to know that she really cares but not so long that percolation occurs and ruins the red hot passionate 2 raccoons in a pillow case sex.

Remember it was just National Brazilian Orgasm Day. I am a day late but with the time zones and shits i think I can talk her into it.

I want her to make the face the woman on the pillow made.

Mr Plow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr Plow said...

CommieCanuck
Good call. Might look good with bib shorts

McFly said...

Damn you Lumpen. You jinxed me. I got 2 1/2 min and a Bloody Mary. Nasty visitor, indeed. I'll take it.

babble on said...

Oh, that's good, Grouch. No end till the happy end... those are words to live by. :)

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Sorry to hear that McFly, but it still sounds better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. And the weekend is still young.

DB said...

I think I read somewhere that today is International Blowjob and Bloody Mary day.
Good Luck to all my fellow Commentariat.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Two racoons in a pillowcase. Now that's a visual. Chapeau, sir.

Who says that this comment board is bereft of good writing?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, and pardon the interruption whilst I take some candy from a baby.

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!


Captcha = ridedat

May be a good weekend after all!

McFly said...

BONUS QUIZ QUESTION!!!!

What's the only bike in the TDF peloton to use a threaded bottom bracket? Anybody? Anybody? I figured CJ would be all over this one.

No kids again today some may have another Bloody Mary. Guess I need to pick up some celery.

No, I invented the wheel. said...

Their "entirely new mounting system" is pretty ingenious. I guess weinmanns, suntours, dia-com.. suicide levers and thumbies that were manufactured 50+ years ago must have been doing it wrong. Seriously though its a shittier drop lever mount, wtf?

babble on said...

Baby boy bought his first road bike today. His Gran sends a few quid every month, and he's been saving up for years. It's a Garneau, like his hybrid. He holds a wheel as naturally as breathing.

I am soooo happy he WANTS to ride! I've been looking for things we can do together, and I totally suck at video games and pretending to be a dinosaur.

Happy day. :)

totes my scrote said...

Tuck your Wang right inside your scrotum for the best looking chamois bulge. Chixdiggit

The Raven said...

For the love of Odin if they feed that trampstamp QUEEN one more helping of white soup beans I just might go out of my mind.