Friday, July 12, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Do you wear a hat with a flat brim and the sticker still on it at all times, even while you play video games?  Do you really like the "Hangover" movies, but secretly don't understand what's so funny about that Zach Galifianakis guy?  Do you think cyclists are kind of "faggy" and that "Spandex" is "gay," yet you still wear a LiveStrong bracelet?

If you answered, "Uhhh, I'm busy, Mom..." to any of these and then went back to your video game, Scion (Toyota's line of cars for young douchebags) has the sport coupe for you (via Twitter):



Yes, this is the car you need when you're "challenged by obstacles."  And by "obstacles" they don't mean your mental handicap.  No, by "obstacles" they mean cyclists:


"Faggy" cyclists wearing "Spandex" and Zach Galifianakis beards got you down?  Simply grab your faux-crabon Phallo-matic™ shifter and experience the thrill of flirting with vehicular manslaughter:


(Scion: for douchebags who loved "The Fast and the Furious" but don't know how to drive stick.)

Then thrill to sensation of those 179 horses galloping under the hood, which is almost enough to make you forget you'll never know a lover's touch:


You'll arrive at the "boxing gym" in style and ready to go:


And by "ready to go" I mean "with a semi-erection in your Ed Hardy underpants."

Speaking of bikes and fighting, some "fitness guru" thinks that instead of bike share we should have mixed martial arts share:


Would you rather take your chances participating in a city-backed transportation program, or in an illegal cage fight?

Participate in an activity that was responsible for nearly 700 American deaths in 2011 alone, or an activity that has been responsible for eight or nine fatalities in the past 20 years?

The former options, and latter options, on both of these questions are one in the same: Nearly 700 Americans were killed in bicycle accidents in 2011 alone, and, at most, nine fighters have died from Mixed Martial Arts since 1993 (only three of which have resulted from legitimate, sanctioned bouts).

Is this guy actually comparing a widely used form of transportation to a competitive fighting discipline that appeals to people who drive Scions with automatics?  Why?  What does one have to do with the other?  Do a lot of people wake up in the morning and ask themselves, "Hmmm, should I take the subway to work this morning, or should I just kung fu my way to the office?  Well, statistically kung fu is safer so enter the dragon, motherfucker!"  I mean, come on, it's not even apples and oranges.  It's apples and space boogie disco monkeys

Still, I guess he thinks Citi Bike vs. mixed martial arts is a valid comparison since he's gotten hurt while doing both:

As someone who values science, statistics and data, and who has been hit by cars while biking, by bikes while walking and by punches in the ring, I can tell you that I would rather take my chances with the latter any day. Unfortunately those in New York City walking, biking and commuting to work don't have this choice. They'll simply have to trust that Citi Bike and City government has their best interests at heart, m'kay?

Look, I support his assertion that mixed martial arts should be legal.  After all, douchebags need entertainment too.   Still, he should really be careful, because he's one punch away from hitting "Full Rabinowiz" on the Scale of Dementia:


("Hello?  Yeah, actually, my refrigerator is running, thanks for letting me know!")

As for the high valuation he places on science, clearly that's something he shares in common with the Insane Clown Posse.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see douchebags.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and always wear your helment when martial arting to work.


--Wildcat Rock Machine




1) This man is:

--"Schluffing"
--"Schlurfing"
--"Smurfing"
--Performing an advanced Dutch bike freestyle move called "Threading the Flagel"






2) In a hard-hitting story on cycling fashion, the New York Times reveals that:

--Walking shoes make good riding shoes
--Something about flip-flops and Dairy Queen
--Wrestling with a Citi Bike is a great way to work your muscles
--All of the above






(Helments: the new underpants?)

3) In what will surely be the biggest boon to helment sales since Freds started falling for the whole "you need to replace it every two years or it goes bad" thing, a hard-hitting New York Times story reveals that, “Similar to a handbag or shoes, you don’t necessarily have to wear the same helmet every day.”

--True
--False





4) Seriously, a fucking crib at brunch?

--Sadly, yes.
--Thankfully, no.





5) How much does money someone on Kickstarter want in order to build a panda out of bike tires?

--$250
--$2,500
--$25,000
--No money, just bamboo






(So can you get out of a sidewalk ticket by arguing that it's technically a stroller?)

6) According to the Wall Street Journal, cargo bikes are:

--"The new station wagon"
--"The new SUV"
--"The new smugness"
--"Begriming the city's most beautiful neighborhoods"






7) Cabbage is delicious.

--Yes
--No



***Special "USA: We Still Got it!" Inspirational Bonus Video***


126 comments:

Jimboner said...

fudge

Anonymous said...

POdiuM ??

Yarpo said...

Two!!

Anonymous said...

DoublE - diPPING ??

82medici said...

First?

"If you answered, "Uhhh, I'm busy, Mom..." to any of the following and then went back to your video game,"

Not "following." Should be "preceding"

Mi Long Dong said...

Enter the Dragon Motherfucker!

Kari said...

I'm pretty sure there's a line in my employee handbook forbidding Entering the Dragon at the workplace. Damn.

El Bonkistador said...

Top Ten!

Yarpo said...

THNURD!!!!!

I dedicate this one to Gatis Smukulis, as well as all of the bike commuters who don't give a flying fuck what people think about their style of clothing when they ride.

astprovi...after shouting this you down the shotglass of vodka with great gusto! Then the balalaikas begin playing again.

Congrats to Jimboner and Anon 12:11pm.

babble on said...

Happy Friiiiiiiidayyyyyyy!!

Anonymous said...

***Special "USA: We Still Got it!" Inspirational Bonus Video***

But what happens when he runs into a bear?

ChamoisJuice said...

FUCK ME RUNNING

Anonymous said...

too busy pickout proper cycling shoes with space boogie disco monkeys to make top ten....

space boogie disco monkey said...

insane scranus posse attack!!!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Space boogie disco monkeys...dance!

Freddy Murcks said...

Aced it. The only thing that means, however, is that I spend too much time reading this blog.

Rosager 73

babble on said...

Oh no! I'm late and I still have to kung fu my way to the office!

Anonymous said...

Get me the name of that dog! I want to make him executive vice-president!

balls™ said...

As someone who values science, statistics and data, I've done my best to misuse and obfuscate both.

BamaPhred said...

Aced the quiz, it was open book, yes? Congrats to podium winners Jimboner, Anonymous, and Yarpo. I heard it was quite the sprint to the finish. I was too far back to even know the break was on.

babble on said...

Your dog's name isn't Norman, izzit, Leroy? Cause I figured for sure he was waaaaaaaay faster than that.

Yarpo said...

Apples and Space Boogie Disco Monkeys. Plus, would you trust an MMA fighter that uses, "m'kay?" in their everyday speech?

Why am I staring at that picture of cabbage and making my tongue do The Tommy Voeckler? Mesmerizing...

The Crib Child will still be transported this way 18 years from now. Just you watch.

ChamoisJuice said...

Japan > USA

Roille Figners said...

Friday Funk Whiz knows his Bernie Worrell from his Bootsy Collins and will crush yo' ass in Funk Trivia any day of the week (except Sat thru Thu).

Turd Ferguson said...

I was Krav Maga-ing to lunch but stopped to take the quiz.

nyjects 2754

ChamoisJuice said...

I particularly like the "dog's nuts coming to rest on saddle" shot.

Brits have creative curse words. I have always liked the phrase "dogs bollocks" and think that it is interesting that they use it to describe things that are awesome.

DAFT CUNT

d2 said...

I wonder what one wears while Kung Foo’ing there way to the office?

ChamoisJuice said...

CJ<the sum of his parts

d2 said...

...or "their" way to the office. Need. More. Coffee.

ChamoisJuice said...

kung fu commuting: DON'T YOU EVER DO DIS

Anonymous said...

Uh science. Statistics?
Look at the number of people on bikes vs MMA on a per capita basis to look at the real risk....

Most accidents happen around the home anyways....

crosspalms said...

... and Norman's bike rolls downhill, picking up speed, creating chaos and mayhem

Freddy Murcks said...

Although he professes to love the maths and the sciences and the statistics, the latter (or more likely none of the above) is clearly not his strong point.

In the US, there are 100s of millions of bicycle trips taken every year - the 700/yr fatality rate represents a small percentage of that. If there were 100s of millions of MMA bouts every year, sales of Ed Hardy wear would skyrocket and we would probably see at least 700 deaths/yr in the "ring."

4501 dieapart

Comment deleted said...

Unfortunately, after the end of that inspiring dog video, the bike rolled away and hit and killed a mixed martial arts douchebag.

RoadQueen said...

Holy Carp! Running behind today, as usual.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!! :-D

Congratulations and kisses to Jimboner, Anon 12:11 and Yarpo!

Comment deleted said...

(Sorry, crosspalms, you beat me to it).

Fritz said...

Sure that Scion can run over a pack of Freds but lets see it handle a Sharknado

babble on said...

Ah... Friday. Here's a toast to Happy Endings!

ChamoisJuice said...

HPPY NDNG
NASM ASTE

McFly said...

Norman restored my faith in humanity. Or Dogmanity. And I am also pretty sure Marcel Kittel is what Hitler had in mind.

Anonymous said...

^^^^Not gonna lie, I've been practicing lingam massage since I was 13, this lady taught me a few things....

Comment deleted said...

Hey Babs, your blog today is short, sweet and beautiful. Just like you (except for the "short" part).

Happy Friday endings to you, too.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of mixed martial arts, I present to you ... Svein, "I was putting on too much upper body mass" Tuft: http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/07/news/the-oldest-tour-rookie-of-the-modern-era-svein-tuft-is-a-rider-like-no-other_293692

Matt said...

Norman's bike seems to ride about the same with or without Norman. I expect he's more of a sprinter than a climber.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I like a little cabbage in vegetable soup and of course egg rolls.

Anonymous said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=muff%20cabbage

Anonymous said...

good one today, love the Scion bit. Looks like they are working hard to surpass the TransAm as the douchy car of all time.

RoadQueen said...

Requesting clarification:

BSNYC - "Look, I support his assertion that mixed martial arts should be legal."

Are you saying that MMA is NOT legal?

I'm confused and alone. :'(

Anonymous said...

It's illegal in NYC... NYC is the best city in the USA, if not the world. NYC dwellers are smarter and tougher than normal muricans. That is why you can't buy a large fountain drink in NYC, or compete in fighting...

laura said...

i just wonder what "faggy" douchebags agreed to get paid to be almost run over by a car in a commercial that makes their way of getting around look like a reckless and tiresome bother to anyone watching.

i almost get run over by oblvious drivers for free, but at least i don't let it get filmed to sell more cars to more people to almost run me over.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Yes, Road Queen, MMA is not legal in NY.

Interesting backstory.

MMA is owned by the Fertitta brothers, who also own Station Casinos in Las Vegas. Station Casinos is a non-union property, whereas the rest of the major players in Vegas are Culinary Union properties.

The Unions have a lockhold on the NY Legislature, so as long as Station Casinos remains a non-union shop, there will never be MMA in NYC.

the Commentariat said...

Laura, there is something about that avatar. I kinda popped a stiffie when I saw it.

RB1 said...

so long, norman.

RoadQueen said...

OK, my comment disappeared. This one will be redundant if it reappears, but to summarise:

NEW YORK
PRO MMA = ILLEGAL

AMATURE MMA = LEGAL AND SANCTIONED.

So, not all MMA is illegal in NY, only Pro.

Roille Figners said...

"As someone who values science, statistics and data..."

[translation: "As someone who lies a lot..."]

"...and who has been hit by cars while biking, by bikes while walking..."

[translation: "...and who has a lot of trouble navigating the real world..."]

"...and by punches in the ring..."

[translation: "...and is trying to sell you some kind of newfangled boxing..."]

"...I can tell you that I would rather take my chances with the latter any day."

[translation: "...I can tell you that my favorite is the newfangled boxing."]

CommieCanuck said...

...then that dog's (Citi?) bike rolled downhill and killed three children.

What does NORMAN stand for? Anything like AYHSMB?

grog said...

My bike has a nice rack.
You should see it in a sweater.
FUNK WIZZ
MORE BABE
RIDE NICE

(i am a robot)

Anonymous said...

@Laura

Years ago I was coaxed into going to a model tryout for a commercial photo shoot involving bikes. I can vouch that none of the guys who were picked could ride a bike worth a damn. We were supposed to sprint up a (very) small hill and one guy (not me) was supposed to raise his hands in victory as we crossed the finish line. I was a slow Cat 4 with a terrible sprint, it took all my acting skills not to blow by the winner.

The moral of the story is the idiots in scion commercial are probably just the sort of non-cyclist that Toyota is trying to appeal to.

ChamoisJuice said...

What do we know? We are just girls.

LESB OCAR

babble on said...

Thank you, CD! xo

Dooth said...

Mr. m'kay must've entered the dragon quite deeply to compare cycling to mixed martial arts.

ChamoisJuice said...

Kung fu + bikeen = dogs bollocks

Notice that Jackie Chan is rocking a short stem and upright riding position.... no goofy tiller effect

Anonymous said...

"As someone who values science, statistics and data"

I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

Sum Yung Guy said...

Before my daily kung fu commute I practice the time honored 'Wax on. Wax off' exercise.

Anonymous said...

'Wax on. Wax off' exercise.

Anonymous said...

The Karate Kid hates his bike

Serial Retrogrouch said...

you do NOT need wax for that exercise... and if you do use wax, it needn't come off.

BamaPhred said...

It takes me a while. Norman is the Shaggy DA meets Citi Bike. I knew he looked familiar.

ETF said...

Babble on brought up an interesting observation the other day when a stalker noted that he had seen her on her white Amsterdam cruising NYC. She said that she had been threatened by motorists more on her rode bike than her Amsterdam. Which leads me to the question: How many city bike riders have been hit by motorists? Could there be a correlation between the type of bike (think upright) we ride and how we ride it (think slower) with the number of accidents that occur while riding? Babble on, my apologies if I didn't get what you said correct.

ChamoisJuice said...

Aaaaand here is a perfect example of how fucktarded roadies are....

Pinarello rear quadrilateral ondacurveasymmetric

Notice the handlebars and stem.... reminiscent of a nebbishy bloggers cockpit preferences...

gsport george said...

As someone who values science, statistics and data...


He "values" those things like he would "value" a Faberge Egg. He would appreciate it's quality as best he could before making a complete arse of trying to fry it..

ge said...

And over 32,000 people died in automobile accidents in 2011. I'll take my chances on a bike. Still, compared to MMA, it takes cojones to bicycle cycle. If there's practically no chance if dying, then MMA is for "woosies".

the Commentariat said...

CJ has so much time to post because he is 14 and lives in his mother's basement in Detroit. He had in fact been to Portland once, but he flew as an unaccompanied minor with those stupid plastic pilot's wings pinned to his argyle sweater vest.

ETF said...


Anonymous 1:45 "NYC is the best city in the USA, if not the world. NYC dwellers are smarter and tougher than normal muricans." The only NYC person I know is a little guy who talked funny and was terrified of ghosts.

ChamoisJuice said...

ETF, just because you read BSNYC every day, doesn't mean you know him...

ChamoisJuice said...

Yes, I am a 14 year old Detroitite with extensive knowledge of 90's bicycle trivia and NY suburbs...

Do fourteen year olds even know what Bridgestone is?

PETE RPAN

Comment deleted said...

Commentariat, ne feedez pas le trolle de micropenis.

ChamoisJuice said...

Manger = to eat, as in "j'desire manger ta petite chat"

get a brain moran

Albert the Accountant said...

Windy day today. I could sure go for a nice juicy steak.

Anonymous said...

You want to eat kittens?!?!

ChamoisJuice said...

Genital Categories

Yoni and lingam sizes are said to be of three kinds with a total of nine combinations possible for intercourse. Man is divided into three classes: the Hare Man, the Bull Man, and the Horse Man, according to the size of his lingam. Woman also, according to the depth of her yoni, is either a female deer, a mare, or a female elephant.

The Kama Sutra describes these various types as such:

The Hare Man is a lively individual with a slight body type and a gentle manner. His lingam is considered to be of the small variety and measures about six finger widths in length, which is equivalent to about 4 inches.

The Bull Man has a sturdy body and holds himself with esteem. He is considered of a medium size and his temperament is hearty and energetic. When erect, he measures about eight finger widths, or 5fi inches.

The Stallion, or Horse Man, is the largest of the three. He is said to be tall and muscular and has a sense of adventurism and daring. He measures twelve finger widths, which equals about 8 inches.

Moron said...

Who you calling moran?

ChamoisJuice said...

anon 5:38

https://twitter.com/CipolliniM

Roille Figners said...

Bootsy Collins was briefly in James Brown's band in 1970-71 after most of Brown's band walked out on the notoriously strict & underpaying bandleader. Less than a year later he ended up joining up with George Clinton's Parliament/Funkadelic. Before joining Brown, he and his brother Catfish had been in a band with Philippé Wynne who would later join the Spinners and carry them to mega-success in the 70s with their smooth "Philly soul" sound.

FUNK WHIZ

Blob Dobbs said...

That guy is shit at statistics. The total number of fatalities means absolutely nothing if you don't consider the number of participants in either activity.

Roille Figners said...

The Spinners and Brown would later appear on the same bill in 1974 in Kinshasa, Zaire (later Democratic Republic of the Congo), as part of the promotional concert accompanying the Muhammed Ali/George Foreman (20 years pre-grill) heavyweight title bout. The two films "Soul Power" (2008)and "When We Were Kings" (1996)document the concert and fight, respectively.

Roille Figners said...

FUNK WHIZ

wishiwasmerckx© said...

Dooder is not taking into account weight classes.

I want to see dooder enter the octagon with a 2800lb opponent. I will bicycle joust a traffic cop in a cushman motorized tricycle.

MAY THE BEST DOUCHEBAG WIN.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ah, impersonated again...

wishiwasmerckx said...

"It's gonna be a killa and a thrilla and a chilla when I beat that gorilla in Manila."

Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes said...

Philippe Wynne? Pshaw...

Roille Figners said...

Harold Melvin's apparent disdain for Philippé Wynne is justified in some sense, since the Spinners are from Detroit, not Philadelphia.

Friday Funk Whiz personally considers the Blue Notes' "The Love I Lost" b/w "Bad Luck" to be the first true disco record, amongst many other candidates.

Comment deleted said...

Roille, I'd have to go with Manu Dubango's Soul Makosa. But it's open for discussion.

Comment deleted said...

Err...Dibango. Mossoma!

Roille Figners said...

Sometimes the line between disco & funk is thin indeed.

disco

funk

Roille Figners said...

You hear that example a lot... sort of like how "Rocket 88" was supposedly the first rock & roll song.

Comment deleted said...

It's that goddamn four-on-the-floor beat that takes the subtle groove of funk and cheeze-whizzes it into disco. IMHO. Not that the Isleys couldn't kick it either way.

wishiwasmerckx said...

The first Disco record?

Well, I'm not sure that we'll ever have a consensus on it, but most knowledgeable music historians agree that it is either Niel Diamond's "Cracklin' Rose" or Bing Crosby's "Would you Like to Swing on a Star."

Grump said...

F'n dog needs training wheels?

Man up, dog.
.
.

Niles Rodgers said...

Ahhhhhh freak out!
Le freak, c'est chic
Freak out!

Mr Plow said...

I'm down with the clown till I'm dead in the ground

ChamoisJuice said...

BIKE FUNK This magazine influenced my musical preferences to an embarrassing degree. I also owned a pair of those raceface SPD fluevogs... truely some of the dorkiest bike shoes evAr. I have been thinking about making a top 10 dorkiest bike shoes of all time list.
#1


leroy said...

If that's a picture of "fitness guru" and MMA enthusiast Mr. Halevy, my dog notes that you can use photoshop to bisect Mr. Halevy's forehead with a small black vertical line to make him look like a real dick head.

Frankly, I thought Mr. Halevy did a pretty good job of that all by himself.

Ride safe all!

And if you see Norman, tell him my dog says hey. (He says the only reason Norman never failed a doping test was because Norman never met a urine sample cup he couldn't miss on purpose. My dog told me "it's a territory marking thing, you wouldn't understand." There's a lot my dog says I don't understand.)

Anonymous said...

CJ should get up at 3 AM and take cold showers.

Way Hung Low said...

Wax on. Wax off. Wax on. Wax off. Hmmm... Wax off ad nauseam.

Seward Alaska Fishing said...

Nice to see that anyone who is a cyclist, pet owner, or pedestrian is just speed bump to this fancy new car. I'd be a bit worried if I was the owner of the gym. God forbid that they might own a dog, bike, or walk to work. One of the patrons might take them out.

Kabir said...

Yeah, I use hat with a flat brim and the sticker still while playing video game :-)

wishiwasmerckx said...

S%&t I thought I heard Phil say:

"And Peirre Roll-on extends his lead the best deodorant competition."

"The road to Rouen is paved with good intentions.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Germans have won 5 of 14 stages. I am wondering if the TdF is even on German television. They've dumped out of coverage twice before in protest of the drug scandals.

Milanese Fred said...

<> it's odd the "fitness guru" wasn't interested in knowing the actual quantities of people who engage in various pastimes:

At least 50m Americans get on a bike at some point in any given year. How many participate in serious MMA bouts?

By his reasoning he should be participating in an even "safer" sport, seeing that it has killed only 8 in the last 20 years:

RUSSIAN ROULETTE.

babble on said...

ETF - Yes, the upright position makes me more visible, and the big white bike, too. But I think the biggest difference between the two is that on a road-bike you're going a lot faster than many drivers are expecting.

McFly said...

I am in Panama City beach and I understand the bike lane angst a little bit. I have had salmon, mopeds, golf carts, white vans, peds and everything else come at me.

McFly said...

It's all totally worth it for the hoochies with the tramp stamps advertising their 5 gallon junk buckets.

Kilpatrick said...

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2013/jul/13/tp-bicycles-are-not-future-of-transportation/

Some god material for you

Frilly Chick said...

Beware cats!

Best cabbage ever: Cut the core out of a whole head of cabbage, replace with a stick of butter, & wrap tightly with foil. Throw directly on top of coals or into the campfire. Leave for an hour. Carefully remove from fire w/o burning your fingerprints off. Unwrap & prepare to fall in love!

JasperSix6SIX said...

That's no dog! That's a lion in a Wookie costume!

Anonymous said...

New York

ce said...

Holy buttery cabbages Frilly!

RoadQueen said...

Frilly, thanks for the cabbage tip, DEFINITELY going to have to try that trick.

Also,fried cabbage is pretty damn good too:

Cut up a head of cabbage. Coat pan with olive oil and season with garlic, a couple squirts of soy sauce. cook it down covered, then uncover and turn up the heat, stirring until lightly browned.

That's some pretty good cabbage too.

the Commentariat said...

I never would have guessed that Frilly and Road Queen were such fartknockers...

Frilly Chick said...

Commentariat, couple that with drinking beer around the campfire half the night & no critter in his right mind is going to come within 50 feet of your campsite.

Apologize for the vulgarity, however in the words of my beloved BGW...just sayin'

wishiwasmerckx said...

So, Frilly, you use digestive distress as a method of birth control? I just use my abrasive personality...

Anonymous said...

They took the Scion ad down and put up an apology:
http://www.scion.com/blog/2013/07/02/the-2014-scion-tc-commercial/

babble on said...

Snobber Doodle Dooooo it's YOUUUUUUUUU!

Who knew?
YOU are the all powerful bike lobby.

babble on said...

Um... Mr bike lobby?
Would you, could you please endorse my bid for the papacy?

There's this gold bike I have my eye on....

Host a Quiz said...

Keep sharing such good stuff. It was nice reading the post. Really worth to read.