Friday, June 21, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

In the latest twist in bicycle hysteria, the New York Times is now reporting that the unfortunate people of Amsterdam are drowning in bikes:


This clogged stream of cyclists is just one of many in a city as renowned for bikes as Los Angeles is for automobiles or Venice for gondolas. Cyclists young and old pedal through narrow lanes and along canals. Mothers and fathers balance toddlers in spacious wooden boxes affixed to their bikes, ferrying them to school or day care. Carpenters carry tools and supplies in similar contraptions and electricians their cables. Few wear helmets. Increasingly, some are saying what was simply unthinkable just a few years ago: There are too many bikes.

Wow, sounds horrible.  The problem?  Some people have more than one bike!

Part of the problem is that many Amsterdamers are not satisfied with just one bike, and often do not care where they leave those they have. “I have three,” said Timo Klein, 23, an economics student, picking one of his out from a scattering of dozens of bikes on the central Dam Square, some still usable, others clearly wrecks. “If one breaks down, I don’t have to use public transportation,” like buses or trams, which in the city’s narrow, clogged roadways are slower than bikes.

Three bikes?!?  How selfish!  Think of all the resources he's squandering--not to mention all those cubic centimeters of space he's taking up!

Worst of all, in Amsterdam they actually do have the sort of all-powerful bike lobby that keeps Dorothy Rabinowitz tossing and turning all night (well, that and her chronic bladder infection):

With so many bikes around, one of the more powerful lobbies in town is the Fietsersbond, or Cyclists’ Union, with its 4,000 local members. Musing over why Amsterdamers are so keen on bikes, Michèl Post, a union official, attributed it to the country’s density.

Ah, "Dutch people problems."  Sure, I guess there is a genuine bike-parking crunch in Amsterdam, but I'm sure they'll figure it out--you know, because they're Dutch and not Americans.  Yes, they'll be totally fine just as long as they don't listen to anybody from the United States, and the comments on this article reveal the profound depths of American retardation.  Consider, for example, this idiot:

Albert Z. K. Sanders East Hampton NY

Mayor Bloomberg here in NYC is putting more bikes out. What can he be thinking of? The present bikes are a menace. There have never been any bike regulations enforced here. I have almost been injured repeatedly by bikes surprising me by going the wrong way on one-way streets, by riding on the sidewalk at high speed. Have you ever seen a policeman even reprimand a bicyclist doing something dangerous? I never have.

Wow.  The guy in East Fucking Hampton is seriously complaining about bikes in the city?  Maybe he's never seen a policeman reprimanding a bicyclist while he's "in town" at his Park Avenue place because he's got his head buried in Dorothy Rabinowitz's Brillo pad muff the whole time.

Here's another American with a brilliant fucking idea that could only come from our nation's capital:

Lynn in DC Um, DC

There may be 900,000 bikes but that in no way translates into 900,000 cars if say, bikes were outlawed. Bikes are relatively cheap so anyone who wants one can obtain one and pretty much everyone can ride a bike. Cars are not cheap, one must learn to drive, there are limits to who can drive plus there are items such as registration, tags, etc so there are significant roadblocks to car ownership. I point this out to explain why there would be far fewer cars if Amsterdam developed a car culture. Not to mention that cars cannot be parked in a random fashion as bikes are; garages (surface and underground) and street parking are required.

Yep, you got it--Amsterdam needs to outlaw bikes and develop a "car culture" and that will solve all their problems.  Clearly Americans are too stupid to live--which I guess explains why we're running each other over and shooting each other all the time, or simply dying because we're too fucking fat.  Just imagine how exquisitely we could fuck up Amsterdam if only they'd let us.  I'd give it two years before we'd institute mandatory bicycle licensing and registration and pave over the canals to create a series of expressways.  And obviously it goes without saying that we'd crack down on all the prostitution and marijuana, forcing the drugging and whoring inside of giant SUVs with tinted windows where it belongs.

Also, naturally it should be difficult to own bikes:

Trixie NYC

That's a poor argument; the proliferation of bikes exists in part because they're bikes. People can have three, as the man in this article does, because they're relatively cheap and disposable. The city should just better tax bike registration, with exploding fees for multiple bikes kept downtown in public spaces.

Actually, Trixie, that's a poor argument; the proliferation of cars in America exists in part because they're cars.  People can have three, as most people in America do, because they're relatively cheap and disposable and we have some of the cheapest gas in the world.  The city should just better tax car registration, with exploding fees for any cars kept parked for free in public spaces.

Fucking dimwits.

This is how stupid Americans are: we actually have "self-hating pedestrians."  Have you ever encountered one?  I recently did.  There I was on my bike, waiting for a pedestrian in the crosswalk, when a turning SUV started bearing down on him and honking.  So what does the pedestrian do?  He turns to me--the guy who's actually yielding to him--and starts telling me off.  I guess it's just a victim mentality: sublimate your helplessness by directing your outrage at anyone but your oppressor.

This is why, as lovely as bike share and all the rest of it is, I'm not all that optimistic for the future of cycling in this city or this country.  Basically, the entire culture needs to think differently, and before that happens there needs to be a total generational turnover--in other words, all these stupid idiots have to grow old and die.  Though by then they've taught the next generation of idiots to be equally stupid, so really what's the point?

Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai.

Lastly, speaking of Amsterdam, remember this trailer?



Well, the people who made it are working on a documentary, and they've launched a Kickstarter to get it done:



If the coal companies really want to maximize profits, they should forget schlepping the stuff through Montana and Wyoming and all the rest of it.  Instead, they should just harness the awesome power of Dorothy Rabinowitz's sphincter to turn it all into diamonds.  Just stick a lump of coal up there, show her a picture of a Citi Bike, and she'll be shitting out "bling" in a matter of minutes.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right get excited, and if you're wrong you'll see still more evidence that abandoned bicycles are the biggest problem facing humanity today.

Thanks for reading, ride safe, and pray that the unfortunate people of Amsterdam find a solution to their horrible bike problem.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) Wow, we sure do look like a bunch of idiots.

--True
--False





(Hushovd about to reveal his inner pussy.)

2) Thor Hushovd is a pussy.

--True
--False






3) This bicycle has:







4) In the time it takes to watch his Citi Bike video, Casey Neistat could just walk his ass to work.

--True







5) Watch out, "Bicycling!"  It's 2013, and Lennard Zinn has just discovered the exciting new world of:








6) Finally! Now you can:








7) Finally!  A:




***Special "Cycling In America: Why Even Bother?"-Themed Bonus Video***





150 comments:

ChamoisJuice said...

ooooohhhh yeah

ChamoisJuice said...

OH YEAH!

ChamoisJuice said...

8====D ~ ~ ~ ~ ( o Y o )

Anonymous said...

OOOO! This is a first. Usually we don't get the internet news here in Iowa until the next day!

babble on said...

Gooood morning!

Anonymous said...

Top ten! Yeah Cleveland!

Anonymous said...

BRIL OMUF

RoadQueen said...

TGIF!!!!!!!

Roille Figners said...

I was disrespected no less than 3 times on a 10-mile commute today. Someone's gonna get stabbed. WITH MY DICK.

Diriji: "Which shitty punk band is the best?"

Ashish:

descendants diriji

Comment deleted said...

Be careful with that video; mome raths tend to outgrabe.

Jasper said...

Early doors

RoadQueen said...

Holy crap, CJ jizzed all over the podium.

JB said...

Got to the bottom of the quiz and saw "1 comment."

"I coulda been a contender."

leroy said...

If bicycles are outlawed, only outlaws will have bicycles.

Bicycles don't kill people, people on bicycles kill people. I just don't think they use bicycles.

I will give up my bicycle when they peel the bar tape I wrapped wrong side out from my cold hands (won't be dead, just seem to have cold hands).

"Taking your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape." Ooops, wrong Charlton Heston quote.

Ride joyfully all! That's the best revenge.

babble on said...

Heh heh Dorothy diamonds... You rock, snobbums.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Amsterdamized.

Upstate Rural said...

Top 20. TL;DR

JB said...

"Mothers and fathers balance toddlers in spacious wooden boxes affixed to their bikes, ferrying them to school or day care."

Spacious, you mean like a Suburban?

Parking issues for all those dam bikes in Amsterdam? We are so much smarter!

MLE said...

Face palm and Head shake.
Wag of the finger for good measure.
Most americans are pretty "special".

babble on said...

Next time someone bitches to you about bikes, just moon them and call it
The rebuttal: I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

leroy said...

My dog wishes to point out that the Dutch are already unfairly maligned.

A "Dutch Treat" is no treat at all.

"Dutch Courage" is temporary and causes hangovers.

A "Dutch Uncle" is no one's favorite relative.

Folks called Ron Reagan "Dutch" when they weren't calling him "The Gipper."

And getting "Dutch Doored" could be a pain in the ass, unless you're already an aggravated asshole like Dorothy Rabinowitz.

I have no idea what he means by that last one.

His advice: Dress British, Think Yiddish, Ride Flemish.

RoadQueen said...

Leroy:

You forgot to mention the Dutch Oven. That one's no walk in the park, either.

babble on said...

Yer dog is in top form today, Leroy. Best keep your wallet under wraps.

ChamoisJuice said...

A 90 year old jew goes into the sperm bank.

"I must make a deposit"

"well, lets have you fill out the forms"

"FORMS! I don't have time for that! I'm 90 years old and I have a load to deposit!"

"OK"

"I had to walk down here. My wife normally drives me, but I just serviced her, and now she can't walk due to the tremors. I HAVE MORE ON DECK!"

"We will get you a room. Do you need a visual aid?"

"DON'T DOUBT MY VIRALITY!"

The nurse takes the old codger to a private room, and gives him the jar.

In a few minutes, she starts hearing noises.
First wheeezing.
Then a pounding noise.
Wheeeee-ooohhh. RrRRRrrrgghhhh. C'mon you sonsabitches. DAMN YOU YOU STUBBORN SONSABITCHES.
RRRRRRRRrggAAARRGGGH.

"sir, are you alright in there?"

"I can't get the lid off the jar!"

Waka waka waka. It's all in the delivery.

babble on said...

Hoooooo Boy. Soon as I read "Drag reduction per dollar spent," I felt dirty. Very dirty. Begrimed, even.

@rural_14 said...

Rural 1st!

Further to yesterday's blather...no axes when camping for 1 night - sticks and twigs / break w yr foot - carry less. Use a splitting maul at home. Every boy and girl should know basic woodcraft. Just about done getting in this winter's firewood.

What happened to New Yorkers who were smart? That comments section is moronic. Not to mention the article "they don't wear helments".

40 miles of riding over mostly dirt roads yesterday to deliver stuff / work / etc. Drivers were kind. Except the visitors from New Jersey passing me downhill on my own road downhill at 12% grade, I at 35mph, they swung out on a double yellow line to pass on a blind curve. Are they reading this blog? The end is nigh.

BamaPhred said...

There's the rage, Snob, just what I was looking for, just didn't know it.
Aced the quiz, don't know why, Leroy, as always, rocks. And I will ride joyfully, even with my bar tape backwards.

McFly said...

T.G.I.F. EVERYBODY!!!

MAY YOUR BIKECYCLES BE NUMEROUS AND YOUR VAGINA'S BE TAUGHT WITH CIRCUMFERENCE TENSION!!!

Seriously what is a "loose vagina"? My experience is (1)tight (2)really tight and (3)whatever just give me a handjob before your dad gets home.

BamaPhred said...

And I forgot to add, go have a Summer Solstice ride. Could be interesting! Goodbye Spring, Hello Summer, or as I like to call it, Hell, at least hot as...

Jimboner said...

So much unrest here in Brasil, I forgot to read Snobby all week. Did I miss anything?

Brillo Muff!

RoadQueen said...

Mmmmm....circumference tension. My favorite!

ChamoisJuice said...

Men are divided into three classes, depending on the size of their "lingam," or phallus: shasha (hare men), vrisha (bull men), and ashwas (horse men). Women are also classified according to the depth of their "yoni," or vaginas: they are mrigis (deer), vadavas (mares), or hastinis (female elephants). The classification that a man or woman falls into determines the classification to which his or her partner should belong. For instance, a male hare can be with a female deer, but a male hare cannot be with a female mare or elephant, for fear of creating an unequal relationship.

I have experienced both extremes: painful cervix bottoming out as well as the dreaded hotdog down the hallway.

Anonymous said...

Forget flying bikes, we need sail bikes:
http://www.pterosail.com/

Anonymous said...

Shell Oil? You don't get rich enough to buy 3 bikes just by trying war criminals.

In a similar vein, if we don't export coal to Asia, how the hell are they going to build our cheap ass PV panels? A Prius can't be built on clean Japanese nuclear alone.

babble on said...

Yes. Happy first day of summer! The Vancruiser's solstice ride is tomorrow at five starting at the Cambie. Bring booze; it's not really a ride, it's just an excuse to get quite drunk as you meander around Stanley Park.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"A Prius can't be built on clean Japanese nuclear alone."

-Nice one Anon 12:36

babble on said...

Clean nuclear? Now there's an oxymoron. They can't seem to stop that damned quadruple meltdown from killing everything in the region. And they are running out of room to store all that nasty radioactive water...

Clean nuclear. Fuck.

Pacific tuna isn't just a good source of mercury any more. Now it's radioactive, too, and it's not going to get better any time soon.

ChamoisJuice said...

21 year old is FAN FUCKING TASTIC. She is more confident and blossoming everyday. Her posture is better: she used to kinda hunch her shoulders, hiding. Now, shoulders back, tits out. I REGRET NOTHING.

I am trying to figure out how to make this relationship societially acceptable. All I can come with is "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK"



DerZoots said...

So I've been doing a bunch of the FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK type complaining of late. Lifes been kicking me in the nuts a little bit but today the kicking was taken up a notch. Since I've been sharing so much what's one more humiliation between friends.
While preparing my morning meal I managed to splash hot hot olive oil on my most tender of tender regions. Burned my little friend in a most painful manner. Now it's not blistered burned but it was a shrieking and curl up on the linoleum, gritting teeth moment of shock at three quarters past five in the morning. Riding to the train was the no bueno as a result.

This is without a doubt one of the worst starts to a Friday in recent memory. Fittingly so at the end of such a terribly stressful and disappointing week at work.

The upside is I now know I have no upward potential in this startup whatsoever. In addition the friend who got me the job is also certified as drinking the koolaide and blind to the dysfunction and asshattery thrust upon the menial production trogladites "on the floor". I must be imagining people treating all of us like shit each day after the next.

Oh right I'm supposed to enjoy belittlement. Yeah that's what a degree entitles folks to do.

Tuning up resume this weekend. Back to bike world for me. That's some dysfunctional business I can understand.

Has a nice weekend peeps if I don't get to check back in.


RoboSheild: was Iriodayn

ChamoisJuice said...

I was going to take a photo, so you don't think I'm BS'ing, but then I realized the interwebs is full of photos of sexy youngs nekid girls and that proves nothing.

Then I thought I should bust out the sharpie and write something on my weiner so you'd know it was me. "Wishiwasmerckx is a dickless lizard" didn't quite fit, and I thought people would be confused by dickless liza. Liza is a girl's name, of course she wouldn't have a dick.

RoadQueen said...

DerZoots:

OUCH! Tip: Don't cook nekkid, or, wear an apron. Aprons with nothing underneath are sexy. :)

Hope your weekend is enjoyable!

Paul Bowen said...

"This clogged stream of cyclists..." See what they did there? One more vote of thanks for the Rabinowitz diamond dumpchute.

Nice weekend everyone, come on you Lions!

Anonymous said...

The Times also didn't say all those bikes pouring off the IJ ferry were each inspected by cops when they boarded, like on the SI ferry, which means they weren't, which means between that and no helmets, they'll all be dead within a week. And the few surviving drivers will have to negotiate a cityscape thus begrimed, so a double tragedy.

mikeweb said...

Planning do to the 'Taconic 150' this Sunday.

Should be meh-pic.

babble on said...

Lol. Have fun!

Dee Dee said...

Knew a bike-hating woman who said that bicycles should be taxed and licensed that way drivers would respect their right to the road and therefore not try to run them off said road. I just looked at her and said "can you really be that stupid?" Several others within earshot applauded and she never brought up the subject again.

RoadQueen said...

mikeweb:

Good luck and have fun!

Anonymous said...

I am indeed irony challenged.

Just want to point out DeeCee has a thriving bike culture - with DC and Arlington both high on the list of bike-friendly communities, three cycle tracks in DeeCee, a thriving and growing bike share system (before NYC had one) a growing bike commute mode share, etc, etc.

ringcycles said...

"Basically, the entire culture needs to think differently, and before that happens there needs to be a total generational turnover--in other words, all these stupid idiots have to grow old and die. Though by then they've taught the next generation of idiots to be equally stupid, so really what's the point?"

hell of a saddle sore you got on yesterday's luch time ride, WCRM. Time to use some chamois cream before every ride. Still, your pain is our amusement gain. Thank Lob it's Firday

Tom Morley said...

A friend of mine was hit by a car the other day, he has a broken leg. The car then ran over the bicycle, but even though the car went though a stop sign without stopping, the police gave the ticket to the bicycle rider. So -- it happens in Atlanta too.

Comment deleted said...

Advice needed from our resident ladies...just had the "coffee date" with a lovely woman. I liked her, and it seemed to go smoothly, conversation-wise, but I can't tell if the feeling was mutual.

How long should I wait before asking her out to dinner? My gut says tonight, but all those stupid "rules"...


gersula corporeality (strikes again)

Anonymous said...

Send her a picture of your dick.

see how it goes from there.

Comment deleted said...

What do you think I am, a congressman?

mikeweb said...

Cd,

I'm not 'one of the ladies', but I do know that asking a lady out for dinner tonight at this short notice even if the first date went well can be seen by some women as 'presumptuous' or even rude (or, Lob forbid, even desperate). Maybe recommend tomorrow night or even Sunday if the scheduling works(?)

ChamoisJuice said...

Text her a joke. SRSLY.

You can use the polar bear one, I don't mind.

Comment deleted said...

Thanks, mikeweb. I don't actually mean *dinner tonight*, but just getting back in touch and asking her out for some other night.

Yeah, don't want to appear desperate.

CJ, thanks. How is it that you can flip back and forth between jerk and decent guy?

Mike in Dallas said...

Loved the stunt double at the end with the bar spinz and kick dismount. Black bar grips on the stunt bike, white grips on the actress' bike. Oops, but I still enjoyed it.

mikeweb said...

babs & RQ,

Thanks! Just for the record, the '150' is the distance in kilometers. It should be a blast.

babble on said...

Rules schmooles. Love is the only law.

Too bad you can't tell what she's thinking... life would be interesting if we could, wouldn't it? Still... 70% of human communication is non-verbal. Dialated pupils are a sign of physical arousal. If the eyebrows raise slightly for a moment it's a sign that someone likes what they see. Were her feet pointing toward you? There are all sorts of easy little tells.

You like her? Be her friend, no pressure, no expectations, just get to know her.

Text her. Thank her and tell her how much you enjoyed her company. See what her response is.

Be patient open kind and fun. Every contact is a chance to develop the relationship. Make sure each time she hears from you it is a positive experience, and if nothing else you will have made a new friend. If it turns into something more, well, that's just the icing on the cake, isn't it?

RoadQueen said...

CD:

By all means, if you like her, ask her out again!

Contact her today and ask when she is next available. It might be tonight for dinner, it might be next week after working hours, you won't know until you ask!

In my experience, the "Dating Rules" are stupid. Just do what is right for you and act like a gentleman.

Believe it or not, ladies really do appreciate chivalry and manners.

RoadQueen said...

Babble, I agree with you 100%!

babble on said...

Jokes are good, too. I missed the polar bear one.

babble on said...

Queenie... you're a doll. Cheers. xo

mikeweb said...

Yes, CJ please indulge us. I only remember the 'waist' one from yesterday and the sperm donor one from today.

Comment deleted said...

Thanks RQ and Babs. I appreciate the perspective from the other side. What you both say makes a lot of sense.

leroy said...

Zing! Nicely done, Comment Deleted.

Mikeweb -- Sounds like a good ride, enjoy! Let me know if they let old people on those rides. I'm not asking for me. It's for a friend. Dog years age one so.

I can't justify sneaking away for another whole day this weekend. Might get up early and do the same old ascent of Mt. Frederest.

RoadQueen said...

Aww, CD, you're most welcome. Just be you, don't put on a facade.

Good luck! XOXO!

Anonymous said...

I know this isn't the appropriate forum...but the Momenta kickstarter piece ignores a pretty big point, the reason we are shipping coal to china is because of tighter environmental regulations here related to much tighter greenhouse gas emission standards has resulted in a huge decrease in our own coal use (mainly for electricity generation) so we have this massive stockpile of a natural resource for which our own demand is rapidly decreasing. So the coal mine owners have decided to ship it to china (who has almost no emission regulations) to use as an alternative to simply going bankrupt (and putting more people out of their jobs). Should the coal companies show more global responsibility by not shipping coal to China which will result in more global greenhouse gas production, maybe but if the choice is between that and staying in business so you can feed your family, I think most people would opt for the latter. Renewable energy is a great thing but is intermittent (wind and solar) and provides for less that 5% of our total energy needs. That is growing but fossil fuels make up 70% of our total energy use and that can't be replaced overnight, even by wellmeaning albeit poorly informed filmmakers.

Fair and Balanced said...

What the Dutch need is their own version of our NRA and it's wholly owned subsidiary, the NRA, then they can all blaze away at each other over cycling's version of road rage. Given the number of bikes in Amsterdam there is going to be a whole heap of cadavers laying around.

Back in her younger days, when Dorothy was a centerfold in the underground magazine "Quick Catch Me I'm Jizzing" her Brillo Pad was serviced by Mandingo, which drove her crazy.

Crazy as bat shit Dorothy's boss, Rupert Murdock, champion of the Family Values Party, is getting divorced for the third time. For some reason, Fox, etc, didn't cover the news.

Billy said...

I saw that NYT article today and just knew it was going to appear here.

I don't look at internet comments anymore, except the ones here. It's too depressing.

"Americans are too stupid to live, that's why we..." Brilliant, snob! Depressing, spot on, and also funny.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice that in the last video the woman's drive train changes from the left to the right side of her bike? I want a bike like that, capable of on-the-fly parity transforms.

Fair & Balanced said...

Second NRA should be GOP.

Flyover Bike Commuter said...

Give Albert Sander a break. He must be very frail if he was "almost injured repeatedly by bikes surprising me...".

I don't know anyone who has sustained repeated injuries by a surprise.

McFly said...

I thought the "coffee date" was when you gave a black girl some sugar and then gave her a little creamer. Again, I am confused.

Fopa, never with Cipo said...

When over-caffinated guy and Heart of a Lion, Body of a Fox, look at each other there's a certain magic in their eyes that suggest he should ask her out to dinner, in a few days of course, not that night which would be a big time social fopa. Even though it appears all she has to do for the rest of the day is sit around drinking beers with friends.

ChamoisJuice said...

What is the difference between a polar bear and a boner?



-----
Wishiwasmerckx doesn't get a polar bear when he looks at Assos bib shorts guy!

So and so doesn't get a polar bear when he does such and such. Followed up with a HEEEYYYYYYOOOOO!

It is up to you to fill in the adlib with a mutual acquaintaince who is obsessed with something.

The HEEEEYYYYYOOOO is very important, as it reminds her of Carson Show/childhood/nostalgia/comforiting bond AS WELL as having a "heeyyyy" with extra yyyyy's hidden in there which is universal for let's bang.

This joke is good because:
1. it's funny
2. it makes her think about boners
3. it makes her think about your boner
4. if she answers before the punchline, you get an idea of her intentions.
5. it's makes her aware you have boners on the mind

Don't be too nice.


Comment deleted said...

McFly, it's an internet dating thing. It's the first face-to-face meeting, in a setting that is non-threatening. Ideally, it can be broken off quickly if it is repulsion-at-first-sight.

If their face falls noticeably when your eyes first meet, it's probably going to be a quick cup of coffee.

Flyover BC said...

Did you know that during WWII, the Germans stole all the bikes in Holland during their retreat?

Despite this, the Dutch do everything possible to avoid running over germans on bicycles. After all, it might be their own bike.

JB said...

Cd, when was the coffee date?

Anonymous said...

Saddle Blossoms. Ouch. You know what I'm talking about.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dooth said...

Trixie sounds cheap and disposable.

leroy said...

Well this is odd.

My dog insists the polar bear/ice breaker joke goes like this:

"How do you catch a polar bear?

First, cut a hole in the ice.

Second, spread Green Giant frozen peas around the hole.

Third, when the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole."

Of course, I wouldn't rely on my dog for dating advice. He only dates bitches.

Anonymous said...

I kind of like the casey video although no idea why it would take him 9 minutes to ride 1.5 miles that is 10mph which is slow even on a "sweet fixie".

Anonymous said...

I own one car and more bikes than I can admit to without embarrassment. (except around friends, 6 if you only count bikes, not just frames). Yet they still only take up about a quarter of the space of my car.

Anonymous said...

In work related news, recently my company instituted a policy banning bikes from the cube farms in my location.

Turns out the new VP of facilities is an avid cyclist and when he came out from the HQ in Cali for his first visit he found this policy "interesting." Looks like bikes will be allowed back inside. Yeah us!

Comment deleted said...

JB, this morning, at coffee break, appropriately enough (we work for the same giant Combine).

I gave her a tiny rose purloined from a bush outside my office.


your acritypM

Anonymous said...

I was in Amsterdam last fall and had the usual first-timer's reaction of wow, look at all the bikes! And people dressed normally on them! And no helments! But even in my bedazzled state, I couldn't help but notice the bikes all look to weigh about 75 pounds, are mostly in dire need of some chain lube, generally had non-working lights and seemed to crust like barnacles on every fixture in town. Still, reefs of bicycles are more attractive than vast sunbaked acres of mall parking lots like we have here.

chief isistas

Anonymous said...

Fietser verenigt u hebt alleen uw ketenen te verliezen!

Translation by Google Translate

JB said...

I would not contact until Sunday, but I'm a religious man.

Anonymous said...

I just read all those comments on the bike parking article.

The discourse was pretty damn good, I must say. Dumbshits were generally called out demolished by the commenters, and the average person on there demonstrated a keen awareness of city planning, taxes, economics, and fossil fuel usage.

It just goes to show how out of touch so many of the politicians are nowadays.

Evidence of this problem is seen in the growing gap between political progress and the needs of the citizens, as expressed by so many of the commenters on that article.

This video was good at illustrating the broken political system and its relationship to our energy policy.

Roille Figners said...

I don't think that copy of Old News is the real thing. Did Churchill do the "V for victory" salute before there was even a war on? I CALL BULLSHIT.

Poppa Wheelie said...

Do those Switch Aero System people have a funding level where you are allowed to buy your dignity back? Also, while the Dork to Ultra Dork switch system may have been a good idea in some earlier time, there are now no self respecting triathletes (it's a contradiction in term, I know) who do not own a dedicated tridork TT bike.

On another note, I am beginning to think that the real ChamoisJuice may no longer be with us. Some of today's CJ-attributed comments actually evince a sense of humor. All the evidence shows that that the real CJ has absolutely no sense of humor.

reckoned iesigtf

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:30pm,

Most cars I see here are in the same condition.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

CD, with chicks the best approach is a direct one, send her a dick pick and see if she takes the bait. Women will probably say that's a terrible idea but it's better than you waisting time and money on a dinner if she is not that into you. If she is very into you, she will appreciate the romantic gesture.

Anonymous said...

They are outlawing weed in Amsterdam at least for non-locals. Also, I hate to say it but negotiating the bikers there can be a little hairy. too much of a good thing, possibly.

Roille Figners said...

Comment Deleted - I realize I have no vagina but dammit just be yourself and don't worry. If she likes that, fine. If not, she is a poor match and she will self-screen herself out of the process and save you both a bunch of hassles. For example, in my opinion a woman too concerned with following dating rules is probably overly concerned with rules of all sorts, and therefore will be a pain in the ass forever, so I wouldn't cater to that sort of person by following rules myself. But if you're the sort who plays by rules, play by the rules and hope she likes it. Likewise if you're the sort who asks about dinner nowish, do that. If you're desperate, go ahead and appear desperate. Give her a fighting chance at knowing what she's getting into. You'll never succeed for long at "tricking" her into liking you.

The other part is: Take a risk. You're the man and you have a societally-expected role where you ask, follow up, pursue. If she hasn't already asked YOU to dinner, she either subscribes to that viewpoint or she's not into you. You have to find out which it is, by asking, following up, and pursuing. Right now it sounds like at least one of you is behaving really cautiously (i.e. boringly) if you can't even tell whether she enjoyed it. Who knows, maybe you're being too timid and meanwhile she's thinking "WTF what's wrong with me, I hope I'm not ugly, this guy doesn't seem interested." It's still early, nothing is known. But, even if she's not into it, there are 3.5 billion others, at least 1 billion (30%) of whom are by definition, 8s, 9s, and 10s. It's science.

Anonymous said...

a very good read regarding the history of dutch bike culture:
"In the City of Bikes" by pete jordan

ChamoisJuice said...

Roille knows what up.

NEVER, NEVER take a woman's advice about women. Especially not some dried up spinster. They are all in competition. What is the fundamental difference between men and women?

Men insult their friends all the time, but don't really mean it.

Women compliment their "friends" all the time, but don't mean it.

THAT is the difference between men and women. Well, and how they use the dishwasher....

Dooth said...

Comment Deleted, send her a Dick Cheney picture.

mikeweb said...

Dooth is onto something.

leroy, for your friend: Taconic 150.

Comment deleted said...

Wise advice, Roille, despite CJ having crapped all over it.

Comment deleted said...

CJ, adults are talking here. You seriously need to shut up.

Anonymous said...

Here how a man uses the dishwash:

puts dishes in it after use, until it's almost full, runs it.

How a woman uses the dishwash:

rinse the dishes before putting in the wash

put in the wash. Keep putting more shit in. Rearrange the dishes like three times to fit more crap in dere. Can't waste water! (What about all the prerinse water?!?!)

Finally, when it is UNpossible to fit more shit in the machine, you can run it. Complain that the dishwash doesn't work very well. NEWSFLASH: it works a lot better when there is room for the water and soap to fly around.

Complain tha

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Amazing how quickly brillo muff cleans up that which has been begrimed--yes, BEGRIMED, by totalitarians.

Bling.

ChamoisJuice said...

CD, do you have chemical imbalance or something. One minute your being all nice, next you are trying to hurt feelings.

Here I am trying to get you laid...

JB said...

What's the deal with airline food?

Comment deleted said...

When you insult women like you do, my opinion of you drops. What can I say?

Comment deleted said...

Here's the thing, CJ. I try not to hate. Someone comes on here and contributes, then I'll cut them slack if they're occasionally stupid or pigs, or whatever.

But you seem to delight in saying shitty things and then flipping over and acting innocent and wounded. If it's a put-on, it's a very sick one, and if it's not, stop hating yourself, y'know?

I don't hate you. I just wish you'd stop your anti-social posing and shit-stirring. These are good folks here, and none deserve the crap you've dished out.

Roille Figners said...

Well I think the women on here gave good advice -- and of course it doesn't hurt that it generally agrees with MY exquisite advice!

CJ's just being provocative as usual, plus we have no idea how many of him there really are. I don't think of it as a person per se. It's more like Anonymous. Actually it's a "branded" version of anonymous. They're invoking the Chamois Juice "brand."

ChamoisJuice(tm)

ChamoisJuice(tm) said...

See, I'm doing it right now!

(but for the record this is only the 2nd time, and the 1st time was for satirical purposes only)

ChamoisJuice said...

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder[1] in which the individual is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. This condition affects one percent of the population.[2][3] First formulated in 1968, it was historically called megalomania, and is severe egocentrism.

CommieCanuck said...



Ask her tonight, if she's hung up on you appearing desperate, move on. If she likes you, she'll want you to call. People who follow those rules and play dating games end up marrying rich douches, moving to the suburbs, get work done and look like blonde platypuses by 42.

CommieCanuck said...

Can advice for the bicycling curious just be shortened to advice for the bi-curious?

CommieCanuck said...

Cd. Don't feed the trolls.

Comment deleted said...

Right, Commie. And thx for prev. post.



rystora politics - Vote Chico!

ChamoisJuice said...

Sooooo, on your profile it says your bi?

Second favorite bike cartoon, after the seat sniffing one.

Dood:

text one: That was fun! I'd like to see you again.

text 2: polar bear joke.

text 3: want to go for a walk?

Followed by looking her in the eye, winking, touching her hand, gently at first, but laterly firmly. Drinks. Dancing. Then you put your dikc on the table.

ChamoisJuice said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Put%20Your%20Dick%20on%20the%20Table

Anonymous said...

Fuck, what a place this is.

Anonymous said...

The allusions to the elderly lady's muff, sphincter and bladder infection nearly made me throw up my dinner.
Thank you, I'm trying to go Princess Di on my diet.
But 'nearly' doesn't cut it. You must try harder next time, WRM.

Anonymous said...

Wow!
The Bonus video girl newbie cyclist Rosalie Miller, she's so beautiful!

Beautiful smile, Rosalie!


(rrhooha course)

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, how many times does BSNYC have to ask you to get lost before you and your idiotic drivel actually disappear from this comment board?

Tattooing my screenname on your Johnson? Really?

Recycling comments about me from two weeks ago? Really?

I wish I believed that you deliberately posted the most provocative shit you could dream up just to get a rise out of people, but instead I am of the belief that you are just a truly awful human being.

I also do not believe for a moment that you have been having a fling with a 21 year old, but if you are, coming on here and boasting about it makes you a human piece of shit. You do realize that, don't you?

Mamma Chari said...

In Japan I used to ride by some abandoned bikes on an overgrown path - they were nicer than the junker I had and I was always tempted to take one. Then some men came and slashed all the weeds - they carefully moved all the abandoned bikes, slashed the weeds and then put them back - the mind boggles, well mine did, and I took one.

McFly said...

CD, if I meet a girl for the first time and my face falls noticeably it might not be from disinterest.

I may just be checking out her Incognito Big Ass Knockers.

babble on said...

:D LOL that's funny, ye poor wee daft thing.

Don't you know that what you resist persists? That you attract what you fear?

A spinster is a woman perpetually caught in your favourite place, stuck forever between virginity and motherhood. As a fully actualized mother, I stopped qualifying for that moniker some time ago.

Nice try, though. And thanks for the laugh. :)

Comment deleted said...

Thank you, my brothers and sisters in Snobland. Just heard back from her, she wants to see me again, too.

Now, I'll shut up about it.

But, um, y'all are the best.

ChamoisJuice said...

One more joke about the Jews.

An old man walks into a church, and goes for a confession. The priest pulls back the window, and the old man says: "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I am 80 years old and I was walking home from the library the other day and two college girls stopped their car and said they were on spring break and needed directions and we got into a discussion and they offered
to drive me home and on the way one of them asked me the last time I'd had sex and I told them it had been years and she said would I like to have some fun and before I knew it the three of us were in my apartment and I had the most magnificent sex for two nights and the day between and they're still there waiting for me and promised they'd show me things I never even knew a
man and woman could do. And that's why I've come to confession."

And the priest asks, "When was the last time you went to confession?"

And the old man says, "Actually, this is the first time."

And the priest says, "You're 80 years old and this is your first confession? Why now?"

And the old man says, "Because I'm Jewish."

And the priest asks, "In that case, why are you telling me?"

And the old man says, "I'm telling everybody."


Stuart said...

Congratulations, Bike Snob! I have often watched the transition of Americans from America-love-it-or-leave-it patriots to head shaking I-can't-believe-its. The crucial factor is leaving America and living overseas where you can get a better perspective on how stupid Americans are. You have managed the transition without living overseas.

I do think the Rabinowitz jibes are getting a bit too cruel, however, verging on ageist. They're not funny.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like NYC needs to take a page from the efficient Japanese and make an underground bicycle parking system and keep citi blue underground. http://www.dannychoo.com/en/post/26963/Japan+Underground+Bicycle+Parking+Systems.html

Anonymous said...

BIKE SNOB IS A LOSER BIKING GIVES LOWERS YOUR SPERM COUNT AND GIVES YOU BALL CANCER

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Stuart -

My dog wondered how you managed to gauge the stupidity level of all Americans.

Or are you limiting your critique to American Exceptionalism? And if so, you may have misunderstood the term like some stupid Americans.

My dog also asked me to point out that the proper term for 311 million people who aren't as smart as you is 'Ameruhcans, fuck yeah.'

He also wants me to ask you if you know the difference between Dorothy Rabinowitz and an old, desiccated turd.

He can't think of a difference, but thought you might know.

Personally, je m'en fous ni Foucault.

leroy said...

On the other hand Stuart, you do seem to have Mr. Anon. 9:30's number.

Poor sap still hasn't figured out how to fix his macro.

ce said...

Stuart, I think what Leroy is trying to say is: "Piss off you racist fuck!"

Snobbo isn't ageist, he is crazyoldcuntist. He prejudicially concludes that just because one crazy old cunt is a crazy old cunt, that all crazy old cunts are crazy old cunts.

babble on said...

Hey! Cunts are a good thing. Where would any of us be were it not for cunts? Please don't compare that holiest of holes to batshitcrazy nasties like Dorothy Brillobinovitch!

Comment deleted said...

That last video was actually pretty enjoyable.

ce said...

Damn autocorrect, I was trying to write "crazy old cow". Nobody likes cows, do they?

babble on said...

Thank you, from all of the cunts out there. :)

BamaPhred said...

What day is it? Have I missed Monday yet? Just kidding.

Gotta be comment of the weekend.

Anonymous said...
Fuck, what a place this is.

June 21, 2013 at 6:15

babble on said...

Better still was when Crosspalms replied

I can almost hear the admiration in your voice.

Hey Leroy! I just wound up on last week's fun-un-quiz! You are a super-star.

1 B
2 - Where is -E- all of the above??!
3 C Definitely
4 You don't want to know.

BamaPhred said...

Yep, missed that. True.

tim paine said...


online live casino
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ChamoisJuice said...

Don't you know that what you resist persists? That you attract what you fear?

Ms. Babble, are you flirting with me?

RoadQueen said...

CJ:

I wouldn't get your hopes up. :(

ChamoisJuice said...

Huh.
I was getting this I need a good hate fucking vibe. The kind where you aren't worried about leaving marks or breaking the furniture, but losing an eye. You don't even need to know my name...

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

That's the thing with the delusional, RoadQueen, there's no talking sense to them...

babble on said...

Oh ho! That's fun, too!

You scared of me, little man?

ChamoisJuice said...

Don't flatter yourself. You are a typical girl: flattered by any attention.

I can validate your self worth as a cyclist. I have a pretty busy dance card, but I can prolly squeeze you in if you promise not to talk too much.

babble on said...

In your dreams, honey.

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