Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Wednesday: It Happens

I threw a bagel in anger this morning--not actually at anybody, I was alone.

Felt pretty good.

Secondly, commenter McFly had the following question pursuant to a photograph in yesterday's post:

McFly said...

Why does a NYC Bed, Bath and Beyond stock massive milk-bones? Is that part of their "Beyond" inventory. Around here ours just have lotions and salves. 

And a few LOOOOFaaaaaaa's.

May 29, 2013 at 6:10 AM

Because people in Manhattan, especially the ones who live close to that particular Bed, Bath, and/or Beyond, are fucking insane for dogs.  Every single retail establishment between 5th Avenue and the Hudson River and between 14th and 23rd street sells shit for dogs, including the Judaica stores.

Speaking of Jews, I was checking in with BikePortland to see if they were talking about Citi Bike (now officially the most important "biking"-related subject in the world) and saw that proprietor Jonathan Maus is in Copenhagen:

 You see this all over Copenhagen. Friends stopping for a chat while astride their bikes. These conversations would not be possible if people were in cars or on the Metro/bus

I'm as beguiled by the cycling cities of Europe as anybody, but this happens with cars all the time.  Clearly Maus has never been to an affluent Jewish neighborhood in New York and seen the Luxury Car Yenta Stop-And-Chat.  The way it works is that the drivers of two Jaguars traveling in opposite directions recognize each other (usually by their large coiffures since all their cars look the same) and then the kibitzing begins.  Usually there's an elaborately bejeweled hand dangling out of each driver's side window.  These chats can last as long as 20 minutes as traffic comes to a halt in either direction, and indeed this phenomenon is responsible for 90% of the traffic on the LIE.

To put it another way, you know those scenes in "The Wire" where McNulty and "Bunk" would sort of 69 their cars and talk?  Well, it's like that, only a lot more nasal.

In other news, what's the first thing you think of when you hear the phrase "pop-up store?"  Collabos?  Artisanal sponges?  Bespoke pants?  Well, there's a new pop-up store about to pop up in San Francisco, and it's being up-popped by a company that's synonymous with "trendy."  That company, of course, is Rivendell.



And yes, you're goddamn right that's Jimmy Carter.

Or maybe it's Ted Danson, I can't be sure.

Anyway, the store pops up like a timer on a turkey this Saturday, June 1st, and here are the details:

Rivendell Bicycle Works is opening a pop-up in San Francisco’s Mission District, June 1 - 9, near Shotwell and just three blocks from the 24th & Mission BART Station. The space is run by Asterick Magazine, where they hold the occasional art opening.

There will be several Rivendell bikes to see and touch, art from our other showroom in Walnut Creek in the East Bay, plus bags and handlebars. Some free schwag, brochures, coupons, a secret ‘have-to-be-there-to-get-it’ super deal. Small items for sale, and discounted posters. No test rides, sorry, just too much to worry about at the start and our insurance for the rider... well, we’re not sure about that part.

Our big honkin’ 71cm Homer will be there though. It will be the only bike available for test ride. ‘Century Club’ only (if your pubic bone height is 100cm or higher).

Word is there’s an espresso machine, but not quite like the one we have in Walnut Creek. Our Man Rich Lesnik himself will be building wheels while you watch! At least a few days during the week. 

Opening day is noon on Saturday, June 1. At 5pm Saturday we’re doing something special, a giveaway? Hmm.

There are parking meters along the sidewalk for blocks. Plenty of bike parking. FYI: the road between BART and Shotwell on 24th is under construction. Good luck parking a car!

Come by! If for no other reason than to get a coupon… but your support will be appreciated by us and make this stretch of the Mission quite the spectacle. Our Walnut Creek location will be open normal hours, but since we’re taking a lot of stuff to SF, we’ll be low on test bikes and staff and the walls will be bare. You can pick up your bikes there.

If the store is a smash success, or we break even, we might be able to pull a Rapha and extend it longer. We’d like that!

It said "see and touch" and "pubic bone height."

Awesome.

Also, there will be a guy building wheels live (hopefully with Yngwie Malmsteen soundtrack and pyrotechnic accompaniment).  If you haven't heckled a guy while he's building wheels then you haven't lived--and it's especially fun to heckle a Rivendell wheelbuilder because the jeers write themselves.  ("Why not use some more spokes, Lesnik?"  "When that wheel sits around the house, it really sits around the house."  And so forth.)  Actually, as I understand it, Rivendell has also rented out the storefront next door to store the the many boxes of spokes and nipples for the two (2) wheels Lesink will be building.

In any case, I don't mean to sound rude, but you'd have to be a complete idiot not to go, if only because Rivendell has produced some of the finest "disembodied hand" photography to date:


I don't know how the photographer managed to hold the bike, keep both his forearms out of the shot, and press the button at the same time.

And yes, obviously I know that's not what's happening in the photo, but it's a lot more amusing than the truth, which is that a bear and an old-timey pugilist are fighting over the bike while being refereed by a flaming tiger:


And no, the bear doesn't have a human hand, it's just that the flaming tiger made him shave his paw before the fight.

In all seriousness, go.  I'd go myself if I didn't live on the other side of the country (the side where the smart people live) and I hadn't placed myself under house arrest until August.  See, two (2) things start to happen when you start to reach my age, which is that 1) You start really wanting a Rivendell; and B) You start getting nostalgic.  Moreover, these bouts of nostalgia hit you at odd moments, just like when you used to get an erection for no reason during homeroom.  It's all very Proustian.  (If you're not literary like I am, Proust was this French guy who wrote a whole book about "school boners," called "A la recherche du boneurs de l'ecole" or something like that, I did pretty bad in French.)

Anyway, yeah, so this innocent tweet made me nostalgic, and I've been walking around with a wistful memory boner all morning because of it:
See, my favorite bike of all time was this one:


My male role model took me out to Brands in Wantagh to buy it.  I guess it was the low-end Haro at the time, but it was the first "real" bike I'd ever owned, in that you would actually see pictures of it (well, ads at least) in the BMX magazines.  I remember every sticker on that bike in vivid detail because I used to stare at them for hours.  First I tried to do tricks, but then I discovered BMX racing and my male role model would shuttle me to the track at Newbridge Road in Bellmore, which I assume disappeared years ago.  (The track, not Bellmore itself.)  On the way I'd stop at Burger King for a bacon, egg, and cheese Croissan'Wich, because we only had a rudimentary understanding of the concept of "pre-race nutrition."

As the years went on I performed all the usual "upgrades" on the bike, most of them with a Channellock, until I eventually traded the frame for my friend's Mongoose Californian, which ultimately got stolen.

If you think about it, that's really how everything works: it's new and wonderful, then you start fucking with it, and then you just fuck it up completely and it's over.  One day you're bursting out of the start gate in your very first bike race, and the next you're in the latest issue of "Country Living" next to the baskets, as forwarded by a reader:


If you need me, I'll be at Burger King sobbing.

105 comments:

Anonymous said...

Get it your way at BK!

tom seleck said...

1st? no readie.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Final podium spot?

MAGgoT said...

bofrühe Türen

John Ball said...

Podium?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Bacon, egg and cheese croissanwich?

A rudimentary understanding of the concept of "pre-race nutrition?"

You were possessed of only a rudimentary understanding of the concept of "kosher."

paulb said...

I am employed at that BB&B. WCRM, how do you know these things?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

top tens

Paul Bowen said...

Top X!

JB said...

McFly!

Anonymous said...

It said "see and touch" and "pubic bone height."

AND "extend it longer."

STORMQUEENNYC

paulb said...

And god yes, I so want a Riv.

paulb said...

And yet another reason for me to be annoyed with Jimmy Carter.

Comment deleted said...

So, so early.


objectX label

Anonymous said...

Asterick* Magazine


*proper spelling not required.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Proust porn.

babble on said...

Man, I never once had an erection during home room. But I did get a line of products into Bed Bath and Beyond, and they have absolutely nothing to do with dogs!

Kenny Banya said...

superfluous top tube

Comment deleted said...

"Many years had elapsed during which nothing of Combray, save what was comprised in the theatre and the drama of my going to bed there, had any existence for me, when one day in winter, on my return home, my mother, seeing that I was cold, offered me some tea, a thing I did not ordinarily take. I declined at first, and then, for no particular reason, changed my mind. She sent for one of those squat, plump little cakes called 'petites madeleines,' which look as though they had been moulded in the fluted valve of a scallop shell. And soon, mechanically, dispirited after a dreary day with the prospect of a depressing morrow, I raised to my lips a spoonful of the tea in which I had soaked a morsel of the cake. No sooner had the warm liquid mixed with the crumbs touched my palate than I got an enormous, aching boner." - MP

JB said...

I had the Haro Master, only because I had been cutting lawns for the past few years and was flush with cash at that exact moment. Also, my dad used to work with the guy who owned the shop, so I got it for cost.

That bike was a thing of beauty, or was fugly depending on your intelligence.

Paul Bowen said...

I don't want a Rivendell in particular (and definitely not the one pictured, which looks like a pygmy tall bike) but I do fancy something classy, classic and a bit olden days-y. This would do.

saltycyclist said...

It's not clear to me why President Carter's headlight (?) is up at about a 45-degree angle. Secret Service emergency signal? Custom job to express nostalgia for the ill-fitting components on malaise-era automobiles?

Short man complex said...

What is it with Rivendell and the hatin' on short people? Bad enuf they make riders of 54CM and smaller ride baby wheels, they come up with a bike ya gotta be a freak 'o nature to ride.

Sean Yeager said...

Oh my... how Bob Haro, Ron Wilkerson, and an '88 Haro Sport defined many years of my adolescence.

ubercurmudgeon said...

That bear should let the old-timey pugilist have the Rivendell. His legs are so short that he'd bruise his scranus if he tried to ride it. In fact, that must be the reason for the double top tube design: as an anti-bear-bike-theft device. Someone ought to write a newspaper article on how CitiBikes are going to tempt bears out of the woods, and on to the streets of Manhattan - riding without helments too - all because they foolishly lack that feature.

babble on said...

Please don't cry.

ChamoisJuice said...

Remove the dorky bar light and kickstand, and Carter has a cooler commuter than Bike Snob!

P. Bateman said...

GT Performer Freestyle. man that was a hot bike:

https://www.google.com/search?q=vintage+bmx+gt+performer&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=cCemUcfvKJTU9gTw8YDwDA&ved=0CDEQsAQ&biw=1241&bih=584

etherhuffer said...

@short man complex: No like the little wheely bikes? I have shorty wife and the Atlantis fits well, the other tourer coming close being the Long Haul Trucker. Her previous 700c machine had a huge amount of flop and its fair share of toe overlap.

Anonymous said...

Congrats, McFly!
Paul: I am with you on the DeRosa Primato. Do they still exist?

McFly said...

I thank you for your expediency on this matter. I was having a really shitty day but now I have this sweet fog of validation surrounding me like a........fog.

Maybe it's a mist.

Paul Bowen said...

@DB: yes, wiggle will sell you one for £2k. Those cheap wheels would have to go though.

db said...

"Then you will have to fight the bear!"

RoadQueen said...

Out like a boner in sweatpants.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC --

My dog asked me to point out that discriminating canines shop just below Chelsea in the Meat Packing District.

He says you should cheer up. There's got to be a Burger King somewhere nearby.

DerZoots said...

The Croissan'Wich!

Hahaha. I use to eat those.

Fucking nosy co-NOT-worker trying to catch me with some downtime. Yer not offloading today's work on my plate jerk. Princess gotta be in the comments section to catch me.

oldHeal the

g. said...

"at Burger King for a bacon, egg, and cheese Croissan'Wich, because we only had a rudimentary understanding of the concept of "pre-race nutrition.""

I would hazard a guess that anyone who eats at BK has a rudimentary understanding of nutrition in general.

Serial Retrogrouch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChamoisJuice said...

Circus bear vs Helper Monkey bike race to the death.

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”

McFly said...

Hey Babble have you ever had an erection in the teachers lounge?

Eurodude said...

Wednesday weed and bmx... yeah !!

Anonymous said...

Oh WCRM, please don't cry:

1. You can get a Haro on eBay.
2. My first bike is still at my parents' house and is not nearly as cool or nice as I remember.
3. At least you didn't have to eat gels or bars or rice cakes before your races.

82 medici said...

That is an asteRISK as we and (apparently) the magazine people, but NOT Rivendell know. Which allows this poem to exist:

Mary had a little plane
And through the air she’d frisk
Wasn’t she a silly girl
Her little *

If you pronounce it asteRICK it makes no sense.

And, if you have read enough Kurt Vonnegut, it has a somewhat different meaning.

Anonymous said...

Does the Rivendell need and extra top tube to stabilize the extra tall headtube? What it needs is some hand-shaped lugs to hold the tubes together.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Liked the Python bit.
-"Strangling animals, golf, and masturbating"

BAGL TOSS
STOP CHAT
HARO BONE
MONG OOSE
CHNL LOCK

Angie Kritenbrink said...

My grandpa had a bike shop and my first bike was CUSTOM, BITCHES! It had a sparkling silver banana seat.

DerZoots said...

@Paul Bowen

As DeRosa Primato Pista (ELOS) owner I say Sir you are indeed barking up the correct tree.

ilesRen rooms

Anonymous said...

SKUL BONR

crosspalms said...

They didn't even promo your new book? Thanks for the photo, though, I entered the sweepstakes for the basket. And for the chicken house.

Anonymous said...

if you're feeling nostalgic and craving a rivendell (or other lugged steel framed hand made bike), do what i did and purchase a 35 year old masi gran criterium. this bike will but the pup back in your tent, it's the schnizzle fo' rizzle my nizzle. I put my crabon bike up for sale.

crosspalms said...

And if I win the basket, I'll put it on my bike and send a photo. If I win the chicken house, I'll try to get a photo of the look on my wife's face when it arrives.

Anonymous said...

CJ that video is priceless. the monkey had it coming, he didn't hold his line.

Anonymous said...

Paul and Zoots:
If I am between a 57 and 58cm frame which will be best for the Primato?
I think the red is the best colourway, but the white is good, too.

Anonymous said...

I still have my 88 Haro Master & 85 Hutch Trickstar. Retired the Haro last year & bought a new S&M. SO much better!

babble on said...

No, I've never enjoyed one there, either.

But as it's raining it's time to take the mountain bike out and head for the forest, where I can enjoy a different kind of ride altogether.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

My wheel asked me to take it somewhere it's never been before...I said try a critereium!

mhandsco said...

Someone get that president a 6mm.

Anonymous said...

At the ass-end of Shotwell, which we used to call Shotfull(o'holes)near what used to be Army, there used to be so much gunplay that we used to call it Shotfull(o'holes)... course that was back when Chavez used to be Army. Then one day I decided to go over to Shelbyville. Soooo I got on my Huffy. Which was the style at the time...

Anonymous said...

my fav bike of all time was my Schwinn Lemon Peeler which I rode during the summer of 1973, at the end of the summer it vanished

DerZoots said...

@ DB
Sizing is tough via da webz. Should be simple enough with a full size run instead of the five sizes and points in space bullshit craybon economics dictate.

Color though!
My DeRosa is white.
When new it was new there was a mother of pearl clear flake that slowly faded away. Black pinstripes. chrome chain stay and fork. Black boarder on the chrome too. The Diamante stays are business!

Red is never a wrong move on a Primato though. Especially with white panels. Not too fond of the stretched logo of recent but you can order direct from DeRosa and get exactly what you want paint and decal wise.

Click my name to see a photo of the same paint as mine but in a road version.

SO dope!

Empval they

ggallen said...

Poops

Anonymous said...

Top LX !!

mikeweb said...

During my ride in Central Park today I saw a nice brass.

Buffalo Bill said...

That book is encyclopedic in scope, but I missed the part in the book where it explains how pedals are threaded.

Dooth said...

"Word is there’s an espresso machine",
sounds like a tough crowd.

Vegas said...

Kosher Milk Bones?

Wow, Wildcat, "Country Living"? You're one step closer to that "Reader's Digest" fame you've always dreamt about!

robot, robot, who's got the robot?
organ betzechn

Daniel said...

The Mongoose Californian.. I had a Chrome and Blue one with the drilled out rims. That was a sweet bike. I got it for my birthday to replace my Schwinn Scrambler (I don't remember what happened to that bike). My best friend got a Chrome and Red Californian for his birthday 2 weeks after I got mine.

We were a bad ass couple of 10 year olds riding around Anchorage Alaska for 3 months of the year...

africansingle said...

De Rosa is red
Violet Crown cycles are blue
Sugar is sweet,
Babble ,this one's for you.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yarpo said...

Scranus Twatwaffle!!!!

Anonymous said...

Zoots:
It's beautiful. I had that bike twenty years ago and like a fool, sold it and "traded up" to a crabon Fredcicle I thought I had to have.
I have a friend who sells Treks and I buy his gently used 6.9 Madrone every couple of years. Time to go back to steel.
Thanks for the photo.

Anonymous said...

Dudes in the 'hood do the 69 car chat as well.

There must be a term like "jumping the shark" when one ends up being mentioned in "Country Living" magazine. I knew snob moved out of Brooklyn, but where to? Horse Branch, Kentucky?

ChamoisJuice said...

I never had a legit BMX as a kid. My old man was a bike rider, and he wanted me on a "real bike", not a kid's toy.

So I went from a 16" wheel kid's bike to a 24" wheel fuji 10 speed.
Like this, but 24" wheels F&R.

Then I got a 51cm Peugot with 6 speed shimano SIS downtube shifters, 700c rims, stainless toe clips and leather straps.

This may explain my damaged relationship with my father and my disdain for roadbikes.

mikeweb said...

Shit, my Mom gets Country Living magazine.

I'm pretty sure that the step would be a BikeSnobNYC line of branded cycling clothing sold through the Eddie Bauer catalogue.

mikeweb said...

And Zoots,

Very nice ride.

Anonymous said...

The elves, Mr. Frodo! The Rivendell elves make bikes at Rivendale!

mikeweb said...

Ok, I went from something like this, to one of these, then saved up and bought myself this one. Then a person ran me over and messed up the fork, which I replaced, but later on the chain stay detached from the BB, so I moved on to a Cannondale which eventually stolen.

ChamoisJuice said...

That peugeot is almost the same as my old 52cm, but mine was teal and didn't say triathlete on it. Same saddle, brake levers, pedals and everything.

My buddy had a Panasonic of similar 88'ish vintage, that won Consumer Reports best bike of the year, and he was always trying to tell me his bike was better than mine.
Dood, you have cottered cranks. CONSUMER REPORTS BEST BIKE!
It's got suicide levers!
CONSUMER REPORTS BEST BIKE!
It has 27" steel rims, mine has 700c alloys.
CONSUMER REPORTS BEST BIKE!

Then he demonstated his bike's superior brakes by bombing a hill, yelling WATCH THIS!, slamming on the brakes and flipping over the bars to scorpion face grind.

CONSUMER REPORTS BEST BIKE!

Anonymous said...

1980 CYC Stormer MX. In chrome with the Ashtabula fork.

Sweeeeeeeet!

Dooth said...

Bikes, I've had a few.
There was the English Sturmey Archer three speed, the Japanese 10 speed, the French twelve speed, the steel lugged mountain bike, the American single speed cruiser, the Italian track bike and about a half dozen others I'm too choked-up about to mention...excuse me, I have to cry.

crosspalms said...

Mmm, cottered cranks . . .

My first "grown-up" bike was a 3-speed Hercules Tourist, which lasted me from 3rd grade through college (there was a 2-year break in high school when riding a bike was suddenly uncool, so it sulked in the basement till I rediscovered how useful and fun it was).

Anonymous said...

The bike I get misty-eyed over is an old Schwinn Cyclone frame built up as a 6-speed off road cruiser. My first mountain bike. Rode it through the winter my first year of college, parked in a garage when I started riding my road bike. A few weeks later it was rusted up solid. Never could get the right mix of parts to get it to feel the same again.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I'm kinda confused about the nostalgia for bikes gone by. Of course I no longer have the Huffy cruiser, the Schwinn Continental, the Motobecane or the Univega mountain bike, but every bike of any significance that I ever owned still clutters up my garage.

If I get nostalgic for one, I go out and visit with it.

Ex-bikes are not like ex-wives. They don't generally sit around plotting ways to bring drama, jealousy or revenge into your current relationship.

wishiwasmerckx said...

As a matter of fact, I would venture to guess that most of us had either a Schwinn Varsity or a Schwinn Continental at some point in our bike ownership history..

Harpo said...

Mikeweb@251: True Story: Groucho Marx used to eat in the same restaurant all of the time and he always ordered Sea Bass. One day, before he could order, the waiter said "I know, Sea Bass". Groucho said "See Bass, why you've never seen bass until you've seen momma's bass in the morning."

Matt said...

Kudos to Rivendell. I ride a 68cm Atlantis and if they'd made that 71cm at the time I'd have bought that. Bike stores are full of crabon for gnomes, thank Lob Rivendell still makes full-size bicycles.

Anonymous said...

God, everyone knows his name is "McNutty"

Yarpo said...

First and second bikes were hand-me-downs from big brother. Learned to ride on a red Schwinn, probably a Cruiser of some sort. Yup, I started with training wheels attached and I still remember the day I was able to ride without them...was that yesterday or the day before yesterday?...shit, my memory weirds out sometimes. Second bike was a Sears-Roebuck 10-Speed, circa 1973ish, that weighed A TON. Like, more than my car weighs now. Steel? I think it was cast-iron. Not so nostalgic for it but it would be kind of neat to have around for laughs.

Sears, Where Am-Meh-Rica Shops.

paulb said...

If there was still a Howard-Johnson at the Thruway/Cross County Pkwy interchange that's where I'd go to have my little cry, over fried clams. Gourmet living.

Anonymous said...

I rode by the Rivendell shop last Summer while doing a border to border and back ride on my evil anti-Rivendell bike.All black parts,threadless headset,disc brakes,etc...They couldn't have been better hosts.Very kind and generous people.They gave me great coffee and effective soap.

McFly said...

I had a Coast to Coast house brand ST 540. My mom rolled up as I hucked that wicked bitchin 20 incher off a 4 x 8 sheet of plywood stacked FOUR CYNDER BLOCKS HIGH. that's a big deal people. She beat my ass. But she did not take my bike. She knew better.

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Snob.. Your right.. the City Bike launch is world news right now.. I live in Tokyo and as I enjoyed my Japanese artisinal breakfast (miso soup, natto and rice) I almost laughed out loud because the morning news show I watch had a 5 minute peice on it. They just couldn't figure out how City Bike could charge so much for it.. Yes, Tokyo has a bike share program and it costs about 1/3 the amount to rent a bike as it does in New York..

babble on said...

Everything costs more in New York. Except maybe real estate. We seem to have that one all tied up here in Vancouver...
Zoots - Sweet!
African Single - cheers, doll. xo

paulb said...

Eight dollars per month is expensive? Howzat?

Short man complex said...

@ Etherhuffer...
four things;
1.It takes tall guy arrogance to say a 54CM is a "small" frame.
2.I've been riding a 54CM in a 700C size with zero problems for more years than I would like to tell.
3. Why got give the truly small folks a 26" wheel, which may not be trendy but gives a zillion more tire/rim choices at a lower price?
Other than that, I absolutely love Rivendell and their products.

And the loudspeaker spoke up and said...

Your French IS really bad!

Lesink = Le sink (or Lesnik)

HOMES said...

Really interesting blog!
Congratulations!

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Kennedy said...

Nice.

Cyia Batten said...

I've made three trips to Rivendell and each time I've been completely impressed with the quality of service and their drool worthy bikes. Not all bike stores treat ladies with respect (incorrectly making the assumption we don't know much about bikes) but the Riv guys treated me like one of the guys and took the time to help me find the correct parts to restore my vintage french bike.Recently, I had to call the shop to see if they had a part in store before making the trek to Walnut Creek and Grant (the owner) answered the phone. Not only was he super patient as I explained my dilemma, but he sent me a straddle wire for my center-pull brake in the mail - free of charge. It was a really nice thing for him to do and forever made me loyal to Riv.

Cyia
Sears parts direct coupon

Alton said...

This is cool!

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