Wednesday, May 15, 2013

It's Wednesday. I'm So Excited, And I Just Can't Hide It. In Fact, I'm About To Lose Control, And I Think I Like It.

Holy crap, I have so much stuff to promote this morning!

I absolutely live for promotion!!!

First of all, do you want to win a bike?  Of course you do.  Your bike is a piece of crap.  (Assuming you're Bike Snob Daily News, that is.)  Well, here's your chance to score yourself some sweet, sweet crotch candy and promote ME in the process:

Be it.  Love it.  Win it.  Ride it.

But that's not all!  I also wrote a blog post for my publisher's website:

So read it.  Or at least skim it.  Come on, you at least owe me that much.

Selfish bastards.

But that's not all!  Assuming you're not yet as sick of me as I am of myself, you should come to BOSTON to LANDRY'S on SATURDAY the 18th to RIDE and HEAR JOCULAR TALKING!!!  Even the local cops are excited about it!


Yeah, beat that, Bike Snob Daily News!!!

(By the way, my Boston visit is an Esteemed Commenter Daddo One Production, so please address any questions to him via the comments section below.  Will there be chips and dip?  Chips and no dip? Dip but no chips?  Or no chips or dip?  I have no idea, but he does.  So ask him, all right?  Just leave me alone.  I can't even find Boston on a map of New Hampshire, for chrissakes!)

***Oh, and I forgot: Fat Cyclist is going to be interviewing me tomorrow LIVE on the INTERNET.  I can't keep track of all this stuff!

Speaking of Bike Snob Daily News, she might think the bike share bikes are crap, but I think she's out of her mind:

I'd share the shit out of that bike.  But I don't have to.  Because it's mine.  (I was kind of scared that the docking station would lock when I put the bike in there, though.  That would have been HILARIOUS, because then I'd have to wait until the program launches on May 27th to get my rear wheel back.)

By the way, see all that garbage behind the docking station?

Yes, it appears the bike share opponents were right.  The docking stations are obviously preventing the Department of Sanitation from picking up the garbage, so it's just going to pile up and pile up and pile up until we all have to move into outer space like in the movie WALL-E.

Then we'll get so fat that we'll be over the draconian 260lb rider weight limit.

Also, if you're wondering why I was riding around the city on a mountaineering bicycle, it's because I was visiting my favorite all-terrain bicycle cycling spot:

It's called the "dog run," which is mountain biker lingo for "mountain bike trail:"

I got into a big shouting match with some guy who was letting his Lhasa Apso run all over the place without a leash, and then I spent the rest of the day cleaning dog feces out of my knobbies.

People can be such dicks.

Speaking of bike share, the New York Times has published the only semi-sane article to date (with accompanying video) about the controversy surrounding the system:

I admit, I'm becoming addicted to stupid bike share complaint porn, and this may be the stupidest complaint yet:

Now, even some avid cyclists have found occasion to complain. At a recent community meeting on bike share in the West Village, Jane Browne, 42, who initially supported the program, said she had recently seen mice scurrying in the “corridors of trash and water” that formed between a nearby bike station and the curb.

Yeah, that's right.  Jane Browne, a grown woman of 42 years of age, thinks the bike share stations are attracting mice.

This is a disaster in the making, because first you've got vermin, and the next thing you know they're demanding their own bike share system:

(Founded picture here.)

Yeah, I realize it's a hamster but whatever, loosen up.

To be completely fair though, I'm not surprised people are complaining.  Look, I get it.  Let's say you live in this building.  For years your doorman has been hailing you a cab, and it's been stopping right in front of your awning.  It's a luxuriously seamless transition.  Then one day you walk out and find this in the way:

Sure, at first it may seem like an imposition, but if you think about it, it's actually an opportunity.  Instead of taking a taxi, why not just grab a bike?

Well, I'll tell you why not:


Every day at least ten Londoners are devoured by rodents while trying to borrow a Boris Bike, but this news has been suppressed by the liberal media.

Anyway, it's easy for me to mock the people who are suddenly tripping over bike share stations when they leave their front doors because there will never, ever be a bike share station on my street.  That's because I live on a pretty steep hill, and anybody who tried to ride a 50lb Citi Bike to my front door would keel over and die.  Seriously.  I can barely make it back to my own home on a bike with a compact crank, and I'm a highly-trained and extremely fit cyclist who is an incredible rider and awesome.

Just check out my Strava if you don't believe me.

Anyway, the point is that if you don't like bike share, move to the face of a giant mountain.

In other smugness news, Yehuda Moon alerted me via Twitter to this list of smug (or in most cases simply inept) celebrities:

Which was clearly written by either a third grader or Bike Snob Daily News:

Robert Pattinson is the Twilight star that said he didn’t quite know how to drive to Ellen DeGeneres on her hit show. He said that he didn’t know how to drive, and that it was terrifying. He said he didn’t know the most basic things about driving, but he does drive himself around L.A.

Wait, what?  So he didn't know how to drive to Ellen DeGeneres, or he didn't know how to drive at all?  Maybe he just needed directions.  Also, this:

Robbie Williams doesn’t have a driving license yet. He said that he doesn’t drive in London because the traffic is so bad. He said that he takes cabs everywhere. He still has no license, and he lives in Los Angeles, which is pretty hard for him at 37 years of age.

Yes, it is hard to live in Los Angeles when you're 37.  Bewildering syntax aside, if the traffic is so bad in London how does taking a cab help?  Do they drive on the sidewalk?

In any case, Yehuda Moon pointed out the obvious omission of David Byrne, but clearly he didn't click through all the way:

David Byrne was in the music band group The Talking Heads.  David Byrne doesn't own a car or drive a car because instead he rides a bike in New York City where he lives.  New York City has the subway.  The subway is a special train that goes underground.  David Byrne used to wear a big suit that he didn't wear while driving because he doesn't.  Apples are mostly red, but some of them are green.

Someone give that kid who writes for the gossip website an A for "Affort."

Lastly, Bradley Wiggins has managed to offend both women and timid descenders in a single interview:

“Let's be honest" he said. "I descended like bit of a girl really after the crash."

Only Wiggo was quick to clarify his remarks by saying: “Not to disrespect girls, I have one at home.”

"Some of my best friends are black," he then added.

Someone really needs to tell Wiggins not to talk to anybody ever.  You'd think his team's clothing sponsor, Rapha, would have fitted him with some sort of rakish silk muzzle by now, because he handles his tongue about as well as he handles his bike:

No disrespect to shit, he took one at home.


Anonymous said...

Ass Monkeys… ATTACK!!!

ChamoisJuice said...


Flyover bike commuter said...

All that training is getting me closer to the top

le Correcteur said...

Missed podium. Damn.

kinds quayzup

BamaPhred said...

Top ten?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous and ChamoisJuice are on fire this week.

Anonymous said...

Yeah Cleveland.

UnDavid Byrne said...

It's just TALKING HEADS, not "The Talking Heads."


BikeSnobNYC said...

UnDavid Byrne,

Are you actually correcting the thing that was supposed to be badly written?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Marcel Da Chump said...

Eek! A mouse!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

stop it or i'm going to slap you with a sideways vajayjay

@rural_14 said...

Rural 1st!
Nice mouse.

Another rural cyclist came by to borrow a bike today...we have giant blonde rats in our chicken pasture (along with chickens) (rats are freeloading interlopers, not livestock).

They could take yr city mice, Ulocks and all.


and top something!

I'm not a robot, yet...autre that I can get behind!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Snob, since you're here, can I borrow your Colnago C-59 this weekend? I'll be in the city and don't have a folding bicycle bike. That, and Spirit Airlines would probably charge me 60$ to put it in the overhead.

McFly said...

I plan on being in the Vaglia Rosa by days end. It's going to feel so good to slip it on. I hope she helps me in like the girl on the television does.

If you know what I mean.

And I believe you do.


Flyover bike commuter said...

Flegenheimer must have failed biology, unless that is a dachsund sized mouse scurrying near the docking station.

Out here flyover country we have porcupine sized porcupines and packs of coyotes scurrying around the bike lanes. Sure wouldn't trade it for the Big City.

Stuart Little said...

I am like, totally getting a fixie. It makes you feel so connected to the bike.

jno62 said...

Well Played, sir.

Anonymous said...

"Some of my best friends are black," he then added.


ken e. said...

the take-away for me is cyclocross is hilarious!

crosspalms said...

Is that Leroy's dog checking out the bike share station in the NYT photo? Good to know I can pick up a bike next time I visit the Hat Club.

Limo New York City said...

Great post

Comment deleted said...

Funny stuff, today, RTMS. But I could do without the full-frontal hamster crotch-shot.

Anonymous said...

You're back! I was in your neighborhood last weekend.

Anonymous said...

Nobody else in LA knows how to drive, either.

Anonymous said...

the Citibike sharing system is becoming the new Second Avenue subway. Soon to open in the year 2047. where are they keeping all of those ugly bikes in the meantime? to be honest as a nyc cyclist the bike share will do nothing for me other than put a bunch of clueless tourists in the bike lanes. I'm not actively against it, but I think the practical use to locals is limited, unless for some reason you want to part with $10 to ride from one side of midtown to the other. Speaking of practical, what is the gear ratio on that mountain bike? is that for riding up vertical hills. how is that setup downhill? seriously inquiring, I'm guessing it makes sense since the good folks at Engin obviously know what they are doing.

Buffalo Bill said...

That hamster looks like a doper.

ChamoisJuice said...

What's wrong with your bike:

Wheels are laced wrong. Pulling spokes are oriented for pedalling forces, while braking forces are the larger load.

-Fork is disgusting and heavy. Didn't you have a fox on there a minute ago? And gears?
-Artisanal seatpost and bonAr stem both use shims! WTF, you buy custom, let's wipe my ass with benjamins cockpit componentry that requires shimming to fit you custom, artisanal bike. Does not compute.
-stem is too long and bars too narrow.

Your tires are oriented correctly, at least.
I like the color scheme.

Kona Unit + $3000 worth of smoke blown up your ass = BSNYC's bike.

3G said...

260lb...yet another wheel size for the mtb industry!? When will it END?

xempons - Paranoid tampons that distrust foreigners.

than - the man/cunt

Comment deleted said...

CJ - I'm sure there are medications you can take that will help with this obsession of yours.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:58pm,

It's extremely practical for many locals. I commute pretty often to Manhattan and Brooklyn by train and will make great use of a bike share system that allows me to make short trips while I'm there. It also greatly opens up my options as far as which subway lines I can take, since I can ride from the station to my final destination instead of making transfers. $10 to ride crosstown is precisely why tourists won't choose it. Locals, on the other hand, can pay the $100-ish bucks for a year membership and be done with it.

It's a mountain bike, downhill gearing is irrelevant. Gravity takes care of that.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

crosspalms said...

Hope you didn't mind the spring chill hereabouts. I was busy joining the cargo cult. Not a Big Dummy, but a Burley trailer called a Travoy. Used my $8 dividend at REI on the thing and plan to put it to work this weekend ferrying plants from the local garden show to our pint-size backyard. Let the dorkery begin!

BikeSnobNYC said...


You're an idiot.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Unknown said...

Black cabs are allowed to use the bus lanes in London. Thus making them the quickest+most-expensive way to get around. I don't need to tell you what the quickest+cheapest way to get around London is... (giant hamster-wheels).

@rural_14 said...

Mr Juice...are you joking? who the f*ck cares about all that. Shims, whatever...ride it until it wears out, then put on whatever you have / or whatever works best. Pulling spokes? Paging Jobst Brandt?

Old rural rock hopping happy idiot here. Join me.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

smoke blown up your ass

chester said...

Love the brad crash. What a wooose!

Yet, somehow he was transformed in 2012. Funny how that was *just* *in* *time* for the Olympics.

Woose? Wooose? Woos? Woossie? Wuus? What doth the jury sayeth regarding the proper spelling?

Robot is included on a treadmill

ChamoisJuice said...

For the wednesday version of "smoke blown up your ass", google "BUTT BONG", videos, safe search off.


Anonymous said...

I have a 24$ REI dividend. We should have put them together and got high on Clif Bars.
Went to a wedding in River Forest and the reception was in Lombard. Full Catholic deal. My wife and I didn't know what to do, up, down, up, down. We sat near the back and faked it.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I wonder how long it'll take until some distracted SUV driver plows into a docking station smashing whatever citibikes are in the rack at the time?

I wonder if we'll read about it hear first or over at the "other bikesnob"?

Of course I'm sure the driver will not be at fault.

Olle Nilsson said...

Is that the Dacshund of time to the rescue? He'll clean up that vermin problem in no time.

I think what Wiggo meant to say was he descended like a Schleck. "Girl" was just the code agreed upon with his new lawyer so he doesn't get sued.

BikeSnobNYC said...

recumbent conspiracy theorist,

I give it six weeks.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ChamoisJuice said...

I'm an idiot? When I buy a bike, I don't spend 4 times what the machine should cost, so that I can get antiquated geometry and riding positioning.

You did supplement some mustache wearing douchebag's trust fund.... BUY MERICAN.

If you really wanted to be green, you should have bought a 10 year old bike off ebay. REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE.

dcee604 said...

Your bike contest is open to U.S. residents only! Well, that sucks. What about your neighbours to the north? Guess I'll continue on, on my dog sled.

Yarpo said...

Buon Giorno a Lei, Signor Snobissimo!

I was waiting to see if you would get around to commenting on Brat-lee Ah-HWEE-geenz-ah (that's how Francesco, Davide, and Alessandra pronounce it, anyway) descending-like-a-girl comment.


Should we now address him as, "DAME Bradley Wiggins" just like we address other famous British cycling heroes such as Dame Judi Dench or Dame Maggie Smith?

Dame Stanley Wiggins, perhaps?

nleralfa...maker of cheap Rapha knockoffs that melt with the body heat?

The Ass Monkey Handler said...

I wonder if we could get odds in Vegas for the SUV into the docking station. It seems that either the timing of, and/or what the text message being sent (at the time of impact said) should be bet-able. About the only no bet-able is that the driver won't be ticketed.

Anonymous said...

If ChamoisJuice attends a BRA I am so there.

Roille Figners said...

CONFIRMED: I just lost control and I liked it.

Roille Figners said...

I also kissed a girl. Liked that too. And I'm 18. I like that. And I know it's only rock & roll. Like it, yes I do!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Chamois Juice,

Yes, you're an idiot. I didn't want to be green at all. I wanted to be exactly the opposite of green, yet still wind up with a bicycle instead of a motorcycle.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

nscadu 9 said...

So are apples mostly red with some of the same apple green sometimes or are most apples red except when some of them are green?

db said...

That hampster's stem is way too long...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Chamois Juice,

Check out the builder's moustache!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ChamoisJuice said...

Trying to help. You are riding around on the geometric equivalent of a tioga disc wheel and purple ano bar ends.

In 5-10 years, you will look back and think "fuck that was a goofy setup".

Actually, in 5-10 years you will be riding recumbents, folding bikes and tandems exclusively, while holding on to the "Bike Snob" moniker FORI RONY

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

well there is a green edge to al of this... guys each saved a christmas card....

...see you at the Airing of the Grievances!

Flyover commuter said...


How about a contest to predict the day and time that a docking station gets takne out by a motorized vehicle, not counting anything smaller or lighter than a smart car.

One or more autographed books are an appropriate prize.

You for example have chosen June 26th at 1:30 pm, which is about 30 days into the program.

Anyway, a 45 lb bike will be great training for all the tracksters who need to work on their acceleration.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Daddo One, Is the dip small batch artisanal made or just the generic fake Amish brand from the supermarket? I have to avoid the store brands because I have a reaction to monosodium glutamate. It gives me terrible migraines.

Thank you.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Chamois Juice,

You're not helping, you're doing the commenting equivalent of this.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Name said...

Jeebus...Why can´t you guys get CJ to go away.

I´ve seen you tried but to no effect.

Babbles, perhaps if you ask not so nicely.

McFly said...

We did the MTB at Scales Lake(YOUTUBE it) in Booneville, IN yesterday and it was awesome. Took some buds with me and the 26 year old on the Felt Solo Nine Single Speed KICKED EVERYONES ASS and hucked every obstacle on the 1st or 2nd lap.

Sometimes I think all the gears really are not necessary.

Anonymous said...

CJ forgot to mention the tiller effect!

Some of MY friends are black women.

Anonymous said...

Like how the Wiggins article describes him as a "cycling hero." That status was news to me.

ken e. said...

come visit the (perpetually soggy) pacific northwest and guaranteed you'll wish you had more gears...

"just sayin'"

Mouse said...

Ohh, eek. It's Marcel da Chump.

See? Doesn't feel so good to be judged!

Cat said...

Mouse! Good to see you. Say, want to take a ride on my fine new Citibike? I'll let you ride in the basket.

Roille Figners said...

For the record, I approve of the presence of Chamois Juice because a contrary, dissenting and/or Snob-critical perspective is much lacking amongst all the rest of us sycophantic lackeys.

crosspalms said...

My bike has antiquated geometry (triangles) too, so I guess I'm just lucky to be alive.

Alideas mong, I think W.C. Fields was looking for you.

Bradley Schleck said...


Anonymous said...

Rollie, sometimes you have astute comments (like yesterday).

Dissent in the chorus is OK. CJ is an idiot who makes issues out of non-issues.

However, I have to agree that the comments are often overtly complimentary (with overt references to one's "cat")

Olle Nilsson said...

If that bike had gears and some proper fenders, I'd be all jealous, bitter, resentful and stuff that I can't enter the contest. Guess I'll be taking my dog sled off kijiji.

Oh, and I'm okay with CJ's ranting; I'm not smart enough to follow it anyway.

Perry said...

Dear Snob - Can you somehow ban ChamoisJuice? I'd call that guy a fucking retard, except it would be offensive to people who are actually mentally handicapped to be lumped in with a moronic, pseudo know it all asswipe like CJ.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Mouse, I apologize for that trap. I was referring to the reggae singer...

ChamoisJuice said...

I am judging you so hard right now.
What I can tell based on the Engin:

-you used to ride bikes FOR REALS in the nineties
-you have proof you got laid once crawling around spitting up/pooping on stuff, so no longer care about impressing the delicate sex
You no longer care about having a "cool bike", you want a "last bike I will ever need", aka "the bike I never ride"

I'm not sure what the ergo grips say... Finger bang erectile issues?

I guess my whole issue is that BSNYC used to be a lot more bitter, angry, and made lots of funny jokes about goofy bike setups. Now he talks about bike share and whole foods.

Anonymous said...

ChamoisJuice would only come back as something like JuicyChamois if banned.

You can't get rid of Rain Man on internet forums.

Besides some people get off on being annoying as their purpose in life.

BTW Wildcat all your bikes are wrong, wrong, wrong especially the Budnitz!

henerldi truth!

Anonymous said...

Russell Brand's an utter fanny.

And I'm not allowed to win a bike (as if I needed another one, anyway...).

hey nonny mouse

Angie Kritenbrink said...

In the article about celebrities who do not drive, they forgot to mention that Amy Winehouse does not drive because she is dead.

Nina said...

I can't believe anyone is mad about the bikeshare parking stations, someone in my neighborhood has already barfed on it, which is basically like a ribbon cutting ceremony for my block.

Also db, I'm so glad you said that about the hamster's stem, it is embarrassing, maybe unsafe.

Dooth said...

That Chelsea Dog Run area used to be crawling with prostitutes! So I've heard...

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...


the dip committee has not yet made their final decision. However two aspects of the dip ARE in:

1. it will come form whole foods
2. it will be delivered by a bike share bike

you see how I did that?

Comment deleted said...

Nah, bans suck, and don't work. I think it's time to show some compassion for CJ and his need to bike-o-analyze Snob.

What seems to irk you, CJ, is that nobody here cares much at all about the "coolness" of their bike, not even Snob, who spends a great deal of time ah, pricking those who do.

Let it go, man.

g-roc said...

Meh, this place has had it's share of annoying trolls. Most of them get bored and move on, others, well, we won't name names, but they get bored and start posting quasi-normal comments.


wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, see who your friends are and what they really think about you?

When even the proprietor asks you to see yourself out, perhaps you should show yourself to the door.

I thought that we were past you posting under my name, but I was gone for a few days, and upon my return, I see not only ample continued Jew-baiting from you, but multiple posts I never authored on days I never visited this site.

(Curiously, this included a first comment podium finish. I'll take it, even though I didn't earn it.)

In addition, I strongly suspect that you and Roille Figners are one and the same person.

Trolls come and go on this board. You seem to have forgotten the "go" part of the equation.

Toodles, BFF.

JB said...

Don't feed the trolls, remember?

Dooth said...

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne,
what's the policy on double-dipping?

Anonymous said...

I really have to give you my FB info to enter the contest?

and abohway--ummm, I think it meant and a no way!

Giovanni Bonazzi said...

Do you remember??

When BSNYC was anonymous? And snarky? And funny?

When the comments were less than 50 long, but populated by bike racers that understood "proper" bike set up?

The debate over BSNYC's true identity? Some people thought he was asian. Some people even thought he was a girl. Pffft, some people don't know sheeeeit. Pretty fuckin' obvious he was a hebrew from day one.


Chris King index?

The first time David Byrne not having a car was referenced and it was funny?

Mr. Weiss has a gift that he is squandering by sweetening up in search of a larger audience. Either that, or the kid.

He should be writing for the TV by now.

McFly said...

Yo groc I like to think you are talking about me. Angie Kritenbrink won the Internet today.

I think ChamoisJuice is really Snobs Tyler Durdin.


The thing I really like about this blog is that he injects just enough sex to keep me interested.
I said injects sex.

Anonymous said...

Is anyone else nervous that this torrid love affair between WRM and bikeshare is headed for a really ugly breakup once it actually starts and there's something to criticize?

(For my part, I think he's letting them off the hook now on surcharges for annual subscribers starting after a half hour of use. You can't pretend that that time limit is adequate for many normal trips without including the surcharge in the pricing picture. A one hour limit would be a different story.)

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the world of sponsorship on the web. We grew up with it on t.v, so we know the winnowing effect on snarky content.

babble on said...

Sycophantic lackeys r us!! He says things like crotch candy out loud in public.

I hate it when people say "remember when he was funny," cause I belly laugh lots thanks to him. Different than before, maybe, but still so funny. And he is sweet in person, isn't he? So of course his blog is sweeter now. Being anonymous gives you freedom... like being at a costume ball.

Hiding behind someone else's name, on the other hand, is like wearing a mask to a riot. It's the coward's way out. Don't feed the trolls indeed... that's brilliant.

Don't even get me started on double dipping...

crosspalms said...

I thought Snob was already sponsored by Hyundai. He's always saying he's going to get one.

ChamoisJuice said...

I am a giant douche who also poses as other commenters. There, I said it. Happy?

ChamoisJuice said...

That was me commenting above. I swear.

ChamoisJuice said...

I'm gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Fully a third of all CJ posts are not the REAL CJ. I understand. It's an empowering moniker.

WIWM, pretty sure I only posted as you once, podium! I continue to be baffled by your claims of jew baiting...

Anonymous said...

First Anon5:38 here: I see now that annual subscribers get that limit bumped up to 45 minutes, and a reduced surcharge for the next half hour. Hadn't noticed that before. So, ok, better. But others still have the 30 minute limit, and anything under an hour adds a miserable nickel-and-diming aspect to the program. But, hey, it's brought to us by Citibank.

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Comment deleted said...

Alright, if that's true, Mr. Juice (someone is forging the jew-bating posts in your name), pick up a Blogger i.d. and put a stop to it.

Your OCD about bicycle coolness is somewhat amusing to me; bigoted bullshit is not, and if someone were putting that kind of crap out in my name, you can bet I'd do what I could to stop it.

Anonymous said...

WRM: did you ride that mountain bike all the way downtown from [redacted] just to pose it for that picture?

Anonymous said...

I'm sending ( which I really mean I'm going to email it. I'm not breaking out the scissors & printing it) to my sister that lives in Portland,Oregon ( I only have one sister I don't know why I have to state which state she lives in . Oh, because she live in the most mind numbing place in Southeast Portland,OR.) . I don't even have a printer and the scissors are reserved for coupon clipping only, which I just finished doing before I hopped online. I remember back in 2010 we just took the fourth trip of the day to the grocery store (that time New Seasons, even though she lives not even a block from Fred Myers. Now there a New Seasons less than a block from her house), and on our way back we passed by a Maternity shop which had a neon yellow and pink bike trailer parked outside waiting for my sister to pine for. I had a massive organic watermelon ( which was her pick) in my Chrome Ranchero backpack and frozen vegan Gardein chick'n scallopini (my pick) & a bunch of other bits. I was yelling for her to move on & constipating staging the intervention for her shopping addiction right then and there. I got irked so I tried to find my way back on my own. I got lost ( cut me a break I'm from HNL,HI I know the streets are alphabetized to a point, but I'm not a compass! )and a flat on this crumby Reighle I'm just beating time with a club listening to Feindflug and reading Bike Snob NYC what a day I can't wait to ride out to Makapu'u.

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:19pm: That's what they all say.

Anonymous said...

30 min limit on bike share is more than enough.

Here's how it works:
1. You take the bike
2. Go the place you have to go
3. Find a nearby docking station, and dock the bike.
4. Do the things you have to do in that area.
5. Once, you're done, take a bike from a nearby docking station, and move on.
6. You can do that as many time as you wish and as long as you don't take the bike for more than 30 min (or 45 min) at a time, you will not be charged again.

I say it's a pretty good deal: 10$ for 24hrs of unlimited use of a bike.

It is designed for short trips around the city.

Yarpo said...

Anon 6:19...that Kona bud you smoked just got right on top of you! Have fun and don't drown like the tourists.

Wheed Whednesday indeed!

titudym...tits are never dim, what does it mean?

Philip Williamson said...

I don't understand how geometry can be outdated. Even bicycle geometry. It's not like humans or mountains evolved any in the last ten years. I kind of want CJ reviews of my bikes' set up. He'd choke to death on his own vomit.

I also have never seen the snob rise to troll bait like that with anyone else, either. I lean toward the Tyler Durden hypothesis.

ken e. said...

went looking for a sample/insult, got buried at sea

Anonymous said...

Doesn't anybody have kids? You don't respond to petulant behavior; just ignore CJ. He's looking for a reaction, and I can't believe you all fall for it.

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:32pm: Thanks for the instructions, but that's not going to get me off the subway for trips between Manhattan and Brooklyn on days I'm not also up for the additional 20 miles involved in biking to and from my home. Unless the fun of it is worth the few dollars of surcharge, which might be the case sometimes.

The Bard of Avon said...

Anon@619: If David Foster Wallace wasn't dead I would have sworn he posted that.

Angie Kritenbrink said...


Vegas said...

"We agreed to bike share, not street share."
I think is what these complainers are trying to convey.

"Mice didn't exist in NYC before these bikeshare stations" I think is what that lady is purporting.

But hey, that's not a mouse, it's a


Anonymous said...

We're having a Lord of The Flies situation on this comments page and it's not CJ's shit that's attracting maggots.

ken e. said...


Anonymous said...

Anon 6:19pm
I don't smoke Kona buds ( I don't smoke any buds for that matter. I quit when I was eighteen and turn to anorexia for a break from reality.) The air quality here sucks( The only thing from Kona I'm inhaling is the fucking vog {volcanic smog in Hawaiian slang[ okay not really Hawaiian like most of the pigeon spoke in the Hawaiian Islands] that stuff reeks havoc on my lungs &I live in HNL,Oahu !) along with the traffic!!!) If I don't end of getting hit for the seventh time in the past four years, I think it's going to be a nice day.
*The neon pink/yellow trailer was stolen less than nine months because a tree branch fell on my sister and she left the bike locked but the trailer unlock while she went to seek medical attention. She has no depth to the word hardcore, all she got was a few minor scratches. Body hopping (or at lest attempting to) a fallen tree on the Pali highway head towards Honlulu (not Kailua) is ...
Not only tourist drown, local people (some who are experienced swimmers & some who aren't) drown as well. Also Hikers get lost or hurt or expire here often.( Someone right no is currently lost in Big Island's Hamakua coast. This isn't a fucking playground, we're modern & a tiny metro. The thing you have to look out for in the traffic we have the highest death/injury for pedestrians and cyclist. The weather is perfect for making this entire state bicycle friendly but they want to create rail infrastructure. That's insane is all for money,I don't have time to elaborate on this subject! Not that many people ride our public transportation & everyone's obsessed with vehicles. One person in huge massive trucks/SVU! Poppycock, I hate here!

Anonymous said...

David Foster Wallace, really?- The Bard of Avon. -I was typing really fast, um, you should read my work when I actully have time to write. I hope I don't have the same fate as DFW! I'm going for a ride FINALLY!!! I don't comment here often but when I do it fizzles out in a nano second. Applying my DZNUTS ( DZBLISS is weak )please pass that on to Captain America will ya?!!1

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your new book and I already have a question:
Is it March 29 or May 29 ???
There's some confusion in chapter 3.

Apart from that, so far so good!
I enjoy this more personal take on life and bicycles.

crosspalms said...

A well-deserved win!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

due to a lack of anonymity and snarkiness,it's going to be family show so there will certainly be no double dipping and even the single dipping will occur offscreen

and lay off CJ, do you realize the trauma he went through when Kiss took off their makeup?

Anonymous said...

Big-legged girls always always always give the most fabulous mind blowing head. Someone please explain the phenomenon. Is the power in the thighs? Discuss.

ADD, that's me said...

Anon 6:19: TL;DR
Anon 8:09 ditto

Shit Disturber said...

I miss Angry Dragon

That guy?!?! said...

Some of my best friends are masturbating They all look the same to my bigoted ass...

Anonymous said...


Dimitris said...

I really enjoy a bike ride but never to work ! I hate the sweating when i get to my office !

Anonymous said...

Que-ce que la problem, sac a douche?

Anonymous said...

Bike competition only for Americans? Curses.
I don't get the bike share objections. Here in Dublin (Ireland for those who failed geography) bike sharing has been a massive success. None have been stolen, vandalized, or ridden into the river by drunks.
Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Ask Meatloaf.

McFly said...

BikeShare? meh. WifeShare? Now THAT'S something I can get behind.

30 minutes will be just fine thank you, kind sir.

I won't even complain if it's a little heavy. As long as it handles decent.

RoadQueen said...

Ok so....when do I get my new bike? HMMM?!?!?!

mberken bristled

Blond, California Beach Blond said...

Snob not following the Tour of California??? At the end of each stage two super fox California surfer chicks give the Ass Monkey of the day a kiss. What's not to like?

Beach Blond said...

P.S. I'm hoping that at the end of today's stage Frilly & Nina do the kissing.

ce said...

McFly 7:47... Classic McFly.

Having said that, the only commenter (including, nay, especially myself (I wrote "nay")) who isn't an annoying fucktard is Angie.

But, give her time. Give her time.

P.S. McFly, the other day when I said as a frame builder you would build in stainless and go into liquidation after a year, I didn't mean to besmirch your profit making metal working abilities, I just said it because: McFly = DeLorian Motor Company = business failure.

You know, it's funnier when you explain the joke.

McFly said...

Yeah I was a little confused but I take it on the chin like a good sport.(insert joke) Stainless is not all its cracked up to be. It can be mushy to be so tough. And its heavy as crap. Plus you can't cut it with a torch.
PVC on the other hand, well I could sell the shat out of lug rebuild kits.


I am glad they reeled him cause a win would have meant he got popped for a positive on METH.

Anonymous said...

I think it's extra funny that all the hand-wringing over citibike is way more amplified and identical to Boston 2 years ago (except for the "historic district" nonsense - we didn't have that). before you know it you'll have people on staten island whining about how they don't have a station.

Roille Figners said...

Too bad WIWM, I was on your side until just now. You fuggin kidding me, you think I'm Chamois Juice? You think he writes all that silly crap, then suddenly becomes a 10-times-more-awesome person and writes the kind of genius fucking shit I write? Nah man. You probably hear Beethoven on the radio and think it's Ke$ha and vice versa.

Angie Kritenbrink said...

I admit, even though I've been reading this blog for years, I just recently started reading the comments, and they confuse me. All this talk about who is whom or pretending to be whomever; are we really who we are on the internet anyway? Why are we arguing, people and boys, when the person with whom we are arguing may or may not even exist? Lastly, what would Jaron Lanier have to say about this? I decided like 20 years ago to always be Angie Kritenbrink on the internet, which is also who I was before and after I got married, and who I still am in real life, but with less typing. It's refreshing to be accountable for your words.

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ce said...

Jaron Lanier would approve of my lame Agent Spondee/Agent Smith quotes... and then go on and on for some time about the evils of hair conditioner.

Angie Kritenbrink said...


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