Come for the chips, stay for the dip.*
*[BSNYC Industries, LLC makes no warranty that there will be either chips or dip.]
Secondly, remember how the Mayors of Toronto, Robs Fords, said this?
"What I compare bike lanes to is swimming with the sharks. Sooner or later you're going to get bitten... Roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks, not for people on bikes. My heart bleeds for them when I hear someone gets killed, but it’s their own fault at the end of the day."
And you were all like, "What is he, smoking crack?"
Well it turns out he's totally smoking crack:
And the video of him actually smoking the crack can be yours for "six figures:"
Rob Ford, Toronto's conservative mayor, is a wild lunatic given to making bizarre racist pronouncements and randomly slapping refrigerator magnets on cars. One reason for this is that he smokes crack cocaine. I know this because I watched him do it, on a videotape. He was fucking hiiiiigh. It's for sale if you've got six figures.
I'm actually thinking of taking advantage of the favorable exchange rate by buying it, too, since CAD$100,000 is only like US$97,000:
That leaves me with like three grand to spend on crack.
Just kidding, I don't smoke crack. It's wack:
I don't like things that are wack.
Anyway, I've already been alerted to at least one crowdsourced funding campaign to purchase the video:
I'd suggest that, instead of giving it to the CBC, they simply throw a totally awesome Robs Fords crack movie screening party.
Until then, we'll just have to settle for videos of Fords just after smoking crack:
How his entire cardiovascular system has not simply blown up by now is beyond me. When it finally does happen though it's going to be big. Really big. Like "exploding a whale with dynamite" big:
I'd say that right now Robs Fords is an even bigger atomic threat to the United States than North Korea and Iran combined.
We're a crack rock and a box of Tim Horton's away from nuclear annihilation.
Meanwhile, today is Bike To Work Day in New York City, and I'm pleased to announce I've revised yesterday's banner:
He's still getting a Bike To Work Day "blowie," but here's who he's getting it from:
(Putting the "owie" in "blowie.")
Or, if you want the more conservative banner, fine, be that way:
Also, remember, there's an after-work party in Brooklyn tonight, because people who ride bikes and live in Brooklyn wet their shants at any opportunity to form enormous lines in front of food carts.
Of course, the cynical response to Bike To Work Day is to dismiss it and predict an "epic shitshow" as thousands of wobbly-legged novice cyclists take to the streets on a beautiful Friday, but whatever happens I'm not going to witness it since I plan to spend the day breathing the rarefied air up here in Lob's country.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong it's not and you'll see Italian Batman.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and hope to see you in Boston.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Just days after his controversial "I descended like bit of a girl, really" comment, Bradley Wiggins has announced that he is "pulling out of the Giro d'Italia like I just found out she was ovulating."
("No coffee for you, moneybags.")
2) The first thing they teach you in business school is always close your doors to rich people.
(The concept of "obvious" is apparently obsolete.)
3) In a departure from articles about how to repair flats, Bicycling magazine is now publishing detailed instructions on how to:
--Put on shoes
--Operate a quick release skewer
--Place a bicycle inside the trunk of a car
--Inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide
(New York City may have survived the crack epidemic, but can it survive this?)
4) Which is not an argument put forth by opponents of the imminent New York City bike share program?
--The stations ruin the character of historic neighborhoods
--The stations will prevent firefighters from putting out fires
--The stations do not accept quarters
--The stations are attracting mice
(BSDN gives bike share the "forehead vag.")
5) Bike Snob Daily News doesn't like the bike share bikes because:
--It is equipped with a wide bar and seat and plush tires
--The basket is too small
--Something about barley
--All of the above
("A" for effort, "F" for forehead vag.)
6) Bike Snob Daily News had to take a class to learn how to ride in traffic and then her Surly got stolen.
7) Rapha's new jacket is made from:
--Recycled garbage bags
--Recycled wardrobe from the hit 1984 breakdancing movie, "Breakin'"
--100% elephant scranus
***Special Bonus Encore Performance Of My Favorite Bike To Work Day Video To Date***
Few creatures are slower than a bike dork on foot.