Thursday, April 11, 2013

Tough Love: Share the Bikes, Take the Blame

This morning I checked my email and found one with the following subject:

70's NY Dump Porn

This could have meant any number of things, and all of them were awesome, so I grabbed my virtual letter opener and read the email immediately.  What it contained was a link to pictures of pollution from the 1970s, including images of the Jamaica Bay area, which is where I lived when I was a little girl.  Some might look at the photos in this collection and think, "Wow, New York was a real shithole back then." Others might think, "Boy, we've come a long way."  As for me, my only reaction was, "Where the fuck was that ice cream truck?"


I would have been all over that thing.

Now, I should point out that I'm not trying to give you the impression I had some kind of hardscrabble upbringing.  No, as you might have guessed I was relatively sheltered.  We lived in a nice neighborhood, in a comfortable house with a panoramic view of the landfill across the bay.  I had an Atari and a bike with sweet mags.  It's just that there was a lot of trash around.  If you didn't want a car anymore you just left it on the beach, but the upside was that we got to play in it.  In any case, we lived a lot better than this:


My Big Wheel had a seat for one thing.  Also, we had a much nicer house:


(Chez Rockmanstein, circa 1978)

Yeah, it's true.  My last name's not really Rock Machine.  I just changed it for "show business."

Of course today there's just as much if not more trash, but I guess the difference is that we just ship it off to Pennsylvania.  This creates the illusion that New York is a clean city, it keeps the neighborhoods gentrifying and the real estate values climbing, and it forces the poor people to move away to Pennsylvania along with the trash.  It's also an illusion that will be further enhanced by the bike share system, which the Department of Transportation says won't result in a bloodbath in the streets (or at least it won't add to the bloodbath that we're already experiencing):


Citibike:

With Citibike stations finally starting to surface, one questioner asked the DOT rep how he thought new cyclists would fare wobbling down the crowded city streets. Predictably, Benson was optimistic. "I personally don’t think it’s going to lead to chaos," Benson argued. "I think we have so many cyclists out on the streets, and we’re all out there setting a good example, I don’t think you’re going to see people hopping on these bikes and doing crazy stuff. I think it’s important for all of us to keep cycling with that in mind, that we’re setting an example for these people who want to take bikes out for the first time."

He added that New York has "one of the best networks of bike lanes in the country, and it's getting better by the day. I think that’s really going to make this all possible. People have a place to be when they’re biking, so there’s going to be a lot less friction between cyclists, pedestrians, motorists than there would otherwise be if there weren’t segregated bike lanes. I think we’re set up very well."

I agree--apart from the "we're all out there setting a good example" part, which is ridiculous.  I fell off a folding bike in traffic while attempting to place a cellphone call the other day, and I'm one of the more experienced and responsible cyclists you're likely to encounter.  Clearly I deserve some of that NYPD "tough love:"

Should cyclists get off easier than drivers for running red lights?

"The punishment is not in the purview of the police department," Hurley said. "I certainly don't think we're targeting cyclists. Enforcement is really just tough love to cyclists—we're trying to keep them from getting injured." He added that "speeding is top priority, along with DWIs and texting while driving. We take it very seriously."

But Steely-White disagreed. "The NYPD is doing very, very little speed enforcement at the moment," he said.

It used to bother me when I'd hear about the police not bothering to chase down hit-and-run drivers or ticketing cyclists for breaking laws that don't exist, but now that I know it's just "tough love" I feel a lot better.  In fact, I feel...loved:


No, the tourists will be fine.  After all, if they can manage to use bike share in London they can manage it here--though I do think the weak link in the system will be the NYPD.  Consider the hapless rider who has a crash, consults the Citi Bike FAQ, and runs up against some of that "tough love:"

I've had a crash involving my Citi Bike bicycle. What do I do?

Call 911 immediately. You should also call the police precinct in which the crash took place and file a report with an officer. This will help assure all important information is documented.

Within 24 hours of the incident, you must notify us of the facts of the crash by calling and speaking with a Customer Service Representative at 1-855-BIKE-311(245-3311). We will provide you with a Citi Bike Crash Report to fill out. Remember, The bike remains your responsibility until it has been properly locked at a dock, or handed over to a Citi Bike representative.

Right, here's how that works.  First, you get "doored" in the bike lane.  Then you call 911, at which point the NYPD arrives and arrests you for intentionally ramming a BMW.  As for the Citi Bike that you're now unable to return, it gets stolen and you're out the $1,000 deposit.  Finally you come back to New York six months later, and you notice that all the Chinese food delivery people are riding what appear to be spray-painted Citi Bikes.

Oh, here's what the FAQ has to say about helments:

Do I have to wear a helmet?

Please.  Don't be such a "woosie."  This bike weighs more than your sofa for fuck's sake, there's no way you're going to get it moving more than 10mph.  You're more likely to sustain a head injury after falling off a bar stool.

And here's what it has to say about fixies:

Are any of the Citi Bikes fixies?

Go back to Portland.

This bike share thing is going to be a hit, I can feel it.

Meanwhile, thanks to a Tweeterer, here's a photo of Doper Sagan ejaculating sparks:


And here he is last year getting head from a stuffed bear:


Well, as long as he doesn't run afoul of the UCI rule prohibiting participation in "unsanctioned" events he should be all right--though now they're not going to start enforcing it until 2014:


This should give irate riders plenty of time to form a new breakaway league, or at least to binge on "forbidden races:"

UCI general regulations include a section called "Forbidden Races". Within it, Rule 1.2.019 states, "No licence holder may participate in an event that has not been included on a national, continental or world calendar or that has not been recognised by a national federation, a continental confederation or the UCI."  Related rules 1.2.020 and 1.2.021 provide additional details, including specifying punishment via fine or suspension for all UCI licence holders who violate the rule.

Though whether the UCI will still permit riders to partake in "forbidden dances" remains to be seen:


In any case, as the article points out, the "American mountain bike community" is particularly incensed by the rule, because here's what will happen if it's enforced:

1) An American mountain bike pro wants to stay fit and have fun in a slightly irreverent fashion alongside people with hairy legs;

2) This American mountain bike pro enters one of those non-race races in California like the "Super Cool Laid Back Vibes 100," the "Incessant References to Coffee and Beer Cyclocross Adventure Chillout," or the "Rim Brake Rigid Fork Steel Frame Thumbshifter Retro-Ironic World Championships;"

3) A picture of the American mountain bike pro racing in a Tom Ritchey moustache and a g-string winds up in Velo-snooze;

4) The American mountain bike pro gets suspended and has to pay a fine in Swiss Francs, which isn't even a real kind of money;

5) Everybody has a sad :-(

It's especially ridiculous when you consider the sporting history of UCI President, Doper McQuaid:

He was banned from entering the 1976 Olympics after being caught racing in South Africa, in contravention of the anti-apartheid sporting boycott. He had entered the race using a false name, but was identified after being photographed by a press photographer.

"Forbidden Races" indeed.  So which is worse:  Enjoying some super cool laid back vibes in a g-string, or lying about your identity in order to sidestep a boycott against a country that violates human rights?

(Ironically, while the photographer was partially to blame, Doper McQuaid still might have gotten away with it if he hadn't also foolishly registered as "Nelson Mandela," who was imprisoned on Robben Island at the time.)

Lastly, a reader informs me that VeloNews is now taking liberties with Bret's wardrobe:


He's supposed to look ridiculous. but if you told me this was actually a page from the 2014 Rapha Forbidden Race "Look Book" I'd have no trouble believing you.

136 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ass Monkeys… ATTACK!!!

Anonymous said...

and again...

le Correcteur said...

podium.

Anonymous said...

and again

ChamoisJuice said...

NYC is the CAT 6 race of life.

JB said...

Doper load.

ken e. said...

sakura!

Anonymous said...

Je suis dans le premier dix

Anonymous said...

Top teen!

JB said...

What's the point of taking more than one spot on a virtual and meaningless podium?

It's like doing circles at the finish line and expecing more than one "place."

[in general, not trying to hound today's podium jumpers more than any other day's.]

P.S. Who cares, and why do I?

McFly said...

Damn that's alot of Monkeys.

Yarpo said...

I took the liberty of locking my doors and windows BEFORE logging on...and it's a good thing I did because the GODDAMN ASS MONKEYS ARE SWARMING THE GODDAMN PODIUM!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Now, to make some coffee and read the damn post.

le Correcteur said...

Well, went back and read it. Let's see if I can make top 10 twice.

This I like:

"Rim Brake Rigid Fork Steel Frame Thumbshifter Retro-Ironic World Championships"

In fact I have a whole teams worth of bikes for this!

3G said...

Hi
this is funny!!

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

Doper* Bret

DC United said...

hanging on to the peloton...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Podium fluffer bear.

balls™ said...

I always read this blog in nothing but a g-string. I've been doing it for years, the librarians hardly notice anymore.

Comment deleted said...

Bret always looks ridiculous.

ChamoisJuice said...

PNW has some funny looking white peoples.. shoulda posted this one yesterday...

Sedro Wooley

Doofus McGuinty said...

Lambda lambda lambda

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I always enjoy me some super cool laid back vibes when I ride my recumbent.

No g-string though.

Yarpo said...

"Rim Brake Rigid Fork Steel Frame Thumbshifter Retro-Ironic World Championships"

Snob, you just described my commuter bike (OMB, the Old Mountain Bike) and, depending on my mood, the Cat 6 moments of my commute.

Some days when I come home my old thumbs are sore from shifting.

dioNatu to you too!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Back in Canarsie, Circa 1977, I parked my sting ray via its kickstand bought many an ice cream out of that truck.

McFly said...

I hear-tell the Williamsburg bike-share stations will be comprised solely of Budnitzzssesssesz. zz.

babble on said...

er... back when you were a little girl?? Something you want to share with us, RockMan?

crosspalms said...

Looks like they took some liberties with Bret's top tube, too.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Pashaw! We got a river here in Cleveland that had so much pollution in it that it caught on fire one time.

Quaint seaside pics of your neighborhood there were you grew up snobbie. Thanks for sharing.

John D. said...

Does Bret have it cross-chained!?

Anonymous said...

I was born a poor black child...

Cat 6 Ballou said...

Stevens, wake up.

Cat 6 Cora said...

I'll make us some lunch.

Cat 6 Power said...

Dude, gimme that guitar.

Cat 6 Stevens said...

My team is complete. We'll be invincible!

King Koopa said...

The reptilian elite are responsible for the police department and many of the drivers who hit cyclists. They can't arrest one of their own, and even if they did they could shape-shift and no one notices.
Read this comment quick before they delete it.

Cat 6 in the Hat said...

Don't forget me!

DB said...

Looking forward to renting a Citi Bke next month when I'm in town for my daughters wedding. They'll be in Astoria, right?
On sadder news, I have decided not to renew my subscriptions to CycleSport and VeloNews after 15 years.
I've lost interest in the pro world. Oh, I'll watch the Tour and all, but I can't get excited about doper world anymore.
Does anyone really follow Andy and Frank Schleck? Does anybody like Contador? I miss Pantani.

ChamoisJuice said...

BSNYC, you are qualified to comment of mtb news, in the same way George Costanza is qualified to discuss skiing.

Many in the MTB community see UCI's position as an attempt to squash the Enduro World Series.

Several top competetors, like Adam Craig, called UCI on their bluff, and said fuck it, I don't need a UCI license; I'll just do the cool races, fuck the leg shaver EPO crap.
Even Cornballindale called UCI on their shit.

I really hope Redbull/ Freecaster step up to the plate and get a legimate race series going.

fhfr436 said...

After reading the May, 2013 issue of Velo magazine, page 30, the Velonotes “Ask a Pro” column by Phil Gaimon article, I looked at the photo closer. I noticed that the rider was on a funny-type frame, but with matching-diameter wheels. This might be the most comprehensive documentation of Bret's secret to success yet. The rest of the details started flooding my brain:
- out-of-saddle mountain-road
- climbing on bull horns, yet index fingers on brake levers, ready for panic
- saddle at even lower angle than declined top tube
- gears crossed-over in big-big
- rear derailleur cable must be slack given the nearly 180-degree position of the rear shifter on the downtube
- huge jockey pulleys on rear derailleur
front derailleur sky-high above big chainring
- mismatched rims
- that sweet ride of a 36-spoke front wheel, radially laced
QR seatpost collar (on a road bike)
- pedal spindle well-forward from ball of foot (begging for achilles hyperextension injury)
- It’s BRET!!!

Anonymous said...

CAT6 MOSH

babble on said...

Don't give up, DB. You just have to take up an interest in proper doping and a whole new world of cycling wonder will open up to you.

Kat 6 Hmandu said...

makes 6.

leroy said...

Ah, sweet childhood memories:

"Bungalow bar
Tastes like tar.
The more you eat,
the sicker you are."

Of course, I still flagged down the Bungalow Bar truck whenever I could.

But try explaining that to my dog.

DB said...

Thanks, Babble.
Think ill take up an interest in Bodybuilding. That seems like a healthy, drug-free sport. And Curling.

Joe Strummer said...

Wasn´t I lucky and wouldn´t it be lovely?

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

I am qualified to comment on MTB news in the same way you're qualified to make humorous analogies.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

The Bad Girls said...

LET'S HEAR IT FOR TRAIL-HEAD HAND JOBS!!! Whose with me?

babble on said...

Heh heh... burned.

McFly said...

Mushroom Cloud.

babble on said...

Nah, you don't want to look too closely at curling. It's rife with doping. In the first place, you're not allowed on the ice without a beer or two in your belly, and really, how can you look that ridiculous without smoking pot to help you forget about it afterward?

Bodybuilding, maybe.

DB said...

Nice drone strike.

mikeweb said...

The laps in Central Park were chilly and breezy today. I didn't see Bret, but I did pass three Zambonis driving on the park road, then re-passed two of them a second time.

Also, maybe someone can tell me what the hell is up with that shipping container with the 70s-era full moon and galaxial paint job and of all things, a Bloomberg logo on it, that sits behind the seasonal swimming pool/ ice rinks by Harlem Meer.

leroy said...

Dear mr. Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist:

My dog asked me to send you this link.

He would have done it himself, but he's all paews.

Burn On Big River

leroy said...

Er. Paws. I meant paws.

ChamoisJuice said...

blah blah uci blah blah blah mtb blah blah blah Adam Craig suck suck suck...

Oh wait, I forgot. No one gives a shit about my opinions or stupid comments. hahaha, silly me!

Cat 6 Stevens said...

Cat 6 in the Hat and Cat6hmandu,
Dammit, I should never comment before I've had my coffee. Glad you're here.

thegock said...

BATN KILL

wiwm said...

CJ,
You could have just said "stupid comments", you did not have to add opinion.

Cat 6 Scratch Fever said...

Off the back

FUDG EBAR said...

What constitutes an "event" is a definition that UCI ruling seems to be missing. I suppose they need as much weasel room as possible.
No offense to weasels intended.

ChamoisJuice said...

I am qualified to make humoUrous analogies in the same way Livestrong is qualified to weigh in on the long stem debate.

long vs short stem bicycle

GOOF

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Leroy, Please tell your dog thanks!

That's kind of funny that he's a Randy Newman fan.

Jimboner said...

Cat sex for life!

NAAW (Natl. Assoc. for the Advancement of Weasels) said...

Apology accepted FUDG EBAR.

Though please in the future refrain from metaphorically associating Weasels with humans who are assholes.

Thank you.

Dooth said...

The Lambada! Hmmm...maybe I'll get a lap dance Lambada!

WET-W weasel for the ethical treatment of weasels said...

NAAW is a front group for UCI.

Roille Figners said...

So what you're saying is, in the 70s if you wanted to grab 3 bottles, put them on your fingers, clang them together and chant "Warriors... come out to playyyee..." it wouldn't take you very long at all to find said bottles lying about.

NY Dump Porn = awesome. My favorite photo: "Waste from this home in a community that lacks a municipal sewage system is carried into Jamaica Bay via ditch." Take a look at the ditch in the photo. Way to make an effort guys! Looks like someone dug it with their heel. Or maybe a platoon of 12-inch-tall GI Joe action figures dug it. You could roll a softball down it and maybe it would stay in there. Now try that with a toilet-bowl full of water and turds. Call me crazy but maybe the ditch I'm using to CONTAIN SHIT would be a little bigger/deeper.

This is fun talking about the ditch, you guys!

Also I'm surprised to learn that you hard-boiled New Yorkers have a place called Breezy Point. A bit swishy, a bit swishy.

rwaiee feenyay

crosspalms said...

Looking at those dump porn photos, I see why you like sheds.

Backstory on the first photo: Man has postcoital cigarette while woman sits on hood (or roof?) of abandoned car they just had sex in. Something about beaches just makes for romance.

NAAW said...

The allegations by WET-W are patently false.

Just because our current president is a Swiss national and was for a brief time a house guest of Mr. and Mrs. McQuaid is purely coincidental.

We will strongly consider taking legal action if these defamatory statements continue.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, for the record, the "wiwm" comment is not by me. You can tell because the punctuation mark was improperly placed outside of the quotation mark. Being a man of letters, I would never make such a mistake.

On the other hand, you are so dumb that blondes tell jokes about you.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...oh, and can I offer you a breath mint?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rollie Figners,

If that picture was taken where I think it was then that neighborhood only got hooked up to the sewer in 2010.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

WET-W said...

Also see last week´s Business Insider for explosive coverage on NAAW´s involvement in creating the bulge in Anthony Weiner´s boxer briefs.

DB said...

Our neighborhood ice cream vendor was Mr. Softee.
I think priests, Boy Scout leaders and male gym teachers worked it as a second/summer job.
Few years later, I think they were called Mr. Weed and the town rasta drove it.

Anonymous said...

Babble said: "back when you were a little girl?? Something you want to share with us, RockMan?"

Whereas people like to accuse Babble of being a post-operative trans-sexual, Snob IS a post-operative trans-sexual. He was born as Janet Weiss, but the pollution in the Jamaica Bay area caused him to develop as a boy. Sex reassignment surgery was the only solution.

Old Possum's Book of Practical Cat 6 said...

April is the cruelest month.

babble on said...

wiwm - that's only true in the US, the bit about punctuation inside v outside quotation marks. In most of the world, whether punctuation lies inside or outside the marks depends on the quotation's function within the sentence.

Your impersonator was probably from overseas...

NAAW said...

It is common knowledge that the Anthony Weiner situation was the responsibility of the American Association of Gerbils and Hamsters (AAGH).

We have also learned that the president and founder of WET-W is in actuality a Ferret and that most of WET-Ws budget goes to support the interests of Ferrets, Stoats and even Muskrats.

These lies perpetrated by WET-W must stop.

Matt said...

They must have been using cheap film in those garbage pictures, the color fading is pretty bad on those shots. More accurate color and it would like the Promised Land.

1427 asshel

crosspalms said...

I think Matt's captcha is the source of all these monkeys.

Cat6haniel Hawthorne said...

A lot of outsiders cycling in a legal and responsible fashion could create chaos on NYC streets. I'm thinking of the end of "Rappaccini's Daughter", where the girl raised on poison is killed by the antidote.

forbidden_to_race said...

FUDG EBAR,

USAC/UCI has a very specific definition of an event.

If the event ranks riders (ex. first,second, third) then it must be USAC/UCI sanctioned.

So, your average fun ride where you are tracking your own time does not have to be UCI sanctioned.

A Gran Fondo style event with timed sections, plain-old races including training races must be USAC/UCI sanctioned or else a USAC member will be sanctioned sometime 2014.

It's taken some of the USAC sheep this much to wake them up to what USAC is really after, which is the power and money. Which is kind of ironic considering they've got maybe 50,000 members, most of which are in the Northern California bay area.

Anonymous said...

The Pat McQuaid thing is charming. Integrity in that sport from top to bottom.

Anonymous said...

@fhfr436,

GOOD STUF


noeldge 65

Overseas Impersonator said...

B"ullfook";;,.;in" S-H"it

DB said...

The Fake ESPN is reporting that after 8 holes in one, Kim Jong-Un is leading the Masters.
(North Korean TV reports)

ChamoisJuice said...

@wishiwasmerckx 2.47

Jeeze, I am dumb, aren't I?

Fritz said...

I liked New York when it was an unwashed dump, this new faux cobblestone/hipster riddled/Millionaires on the 40th floor/ vegan friendly New York makes me want to puke purple unicorns...

The only thing that still holds the power to pull me back there is McSorely's Ale House... 2 dark every five minutes and a ham sandwich with that hot mustard

bikesgonewild said...

...i remember when leroy's dog got sued for using the phrase - "...the paws that refreshes..."...

...not by coca cola but the american grammatical society...

wishiwasmerckx said...

You better wise up, Janet Weiss...

Your apple pie don't taste too nice...

mikeweb said...

Fritz,

Until about 11 years ago I used to live a couple blocks from McSorleys. Only stepped foot in there a few times because it was usually overrun with tourists. My regular at the time was Dempseys on 2nd, though even that has been 'renovated' and I only went in once after that happened. Couldn't bear to go back.

Anonymous said...

It would be interesting to see a BMW which has doored a 200+ pound tourist (much lighter if not a American) riding a bike which "weighs more than your sofa" and is unable to travel more than 5miles an hour downhill due to its complete lack of "Fredly" aero dynamics, crabon, top level componentry. Ever see what a tank does to a car? The score: bike 1; BMW O.

bikesgonewild said...

...speaking of 'zamboni's', mikeweb...

...last night i looked like the lovechild of peggy fleming & boom boom geoffrion (sorry, dorothy hamill & wayne gretzky for you kids) (ummm, carolina kostner & sidney crosby ???) as i graced the ice with my lambada inspired moves at the yerba buena rink in sf...

babble on said...

er... for the record... if I WERE a post-operative transsexual, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be sporting a lovely pair of car jacks.

Just sayin...

Cat 6 Scratch Fever said...

I don't how they do it
But they sure do it good

grog said...

PLAD BRET
MORE BABE
CARJ ACKS

Anonymous said...

Having looked up "ASS MONKEY" in an popular online dictionary I'm all, like, EEEEW!

Anonymous said...

I'm qualified to make humorous comments here in the same way god is make believe.

Roille Figners said...

Bret, having mastered time-travel as well as Ludicrous Speed, now has gone all the way to Plaid.

Anonymous said...

the dump porn is making me all sentimental. couldn't we have preserved some of that for the betterment and fortification of america's youth? like teddy roosevelt and his national parks?

does any one have a link to photos of people riding in pick-up truck beds?

rf: i think the ditch is below the high tide line. those porches were probably piers a few times a month.

The Cat 6 Empire said...

Hello, hello.

Fritz said...

Mike Webb...I can sympathize with that

many fun times at McSorely's round about 1978...even back then you had to know when to go there when the time was right to best enjoy the place...some of my fav times there were on cold wretched Sunday afternoons in February when the light coming in the front window would bounce across the tables and light the place up, weekends were best avoided, the only night visits there were on Wed/Thu

bikesgonewild said...

...& for the record, anon 2:56pm...

...i'm willing to give our girl babble on a THOROUGH examination, from the tip of her toes to the tip of her cute little nose with not one nook, cranny or crevise left unpoked or unprobed & i guarantee every inch of warm, soft skin will be carefully & skillfully gone over, as i look look for anomolies just to put your quirky, weasel-like mind at ease...

...i'll take one for the team...

...& love every minute of it...

Buffalo Bill said...

Sad [:{

Messy hands said...

On a geek note, I finally got a flat in a Hutchinson Fusion tubeless last night. I can report that after two and a half years the latex (Stan's) was not dried up at all and tried its best to fill the huge cut resulting from running over a piece of glass apparently lying long-ways in the road. I had read that the latex would dry out after a year or so, but not in this case. Just thought a couple of you might like to know that.

Have a nice day, I'm going for an evening ride now.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Messy hands, thanks for the info on the latex. However, I am an old-school guy. I still prefer the lambskin for "flat protection."

I find "its best to fill the huge cut..."

babble on said...

Yes. Best filled.

bikesgonewild said...

..."...poked & probed..." ???...

Anonymous said...

That's cute but poking & probing are best left to doctors. I'd rather be stroking & ... ... ... something that rhymes with probing. Schlobing. Stroking & schlobing. No wait, disrobing! Except it's too late for that, once you're already stroking. Well maybe not. I suppose you could stroke and THEN disrobe. Very well then, stroking & disrobing. By Jove I've got it. Honey, where did you go?

Dooth said...

Fuck-obing?

Roille Figners said...

Eureka! Eat-pussy-oking and fuck-obing!

bikesgonewild said...

...ya know, this was originally gonna be to simply "put to rest" any & all confusion as to babbles origins for the good of mankind & the blodosphere but it's obviously taken on it's own life...

..."...poking & probing are best left to doctors..."...hey, docs use metal 'instruments'...i've got plenty of delightful poking & probing 'devices' & they're all made out of me......

...& speaking of tongues, (& other parts) "...Eat-pussy-oking and fuck-obing !!!" don't exactly role smoothly off of it...

...believe me when i say, i speak enough of the 'french' tongue to get everything taken care of...

...just sayin'...

mikeweb said...

bgw,

Glad to hear those Bauers are still carving it up!

Fritz,

Yes, '78 would've been prime time. Trying to remember if that was before or after they started letting women in...

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...you might say my bauers are on a supreme re-"learning carve..."...

Fritz said...

Mike Webb

1969 was when they were forced to allow Women inside ...

the interesting part was there was still only one bathroom in the late seventies , so you would be in there pissing like a racehorse into those colossal antique urinals and girls would come busting in the door to get to the toilet...LOL

McFly said...

YO Rollie nice callback on the Ludicrous Speed. I watched Mr. Wrong yesterday evening with Bill Pullman as Whitman Crawford. He is fucking hilarious.


"The blood in your cheeks. Those flaring nostrils. Princess...you are really ugly when your angry."

Angie Kritenbrink said...

Are there any linguists who read this blog? I would like to see an analysis of the ratio of real language to Snob-isms from inside jokes.

I thought I saw you say that your current book will be your last, but consider writing a dictionary of Snob-isms for new users. :)

p.s. I am not a new user. But I like to think of others.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dear noob Angie, such a project was once undertaken, then quickly abandoned:

http://bsexplanation.blogspot.com

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Damn Fritz are you a senior citizen or what? 1969 I wasn't even a twinkle in my fathers pants.
But yeah unisex bathrooms are always interesting.

Fritz said...

No senior citizen I just know my McSorely facts and obscure minutia

1978-1985 was when I did most of my imbibing there

McFly said...

I once saw two lasses take turns backing it up to a wall urinal in the mens facility at a RATT concert in 1989.

Round and Round, indeed. Pee will find a way just give it time.

babble on said...

But you, dear girl, seem perfectly well suited to the task...)

er...Snobess...?
What? That's it?! Yer last book? I don't believe it. Once a writer always a writer... or are you moving on to another medium? Screenplays, mebbe, or do you have the Great American Bikecycling Novel within yeah?

Unknown said...

That is one fecked-up non-Euclidean bike Bret's a-straddle. Makes my head hurt to look at...

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

I guess the upside of Rule 1.2.019 is that a Doper "getting some strange" at an unsanctioned alleycat race might not like having video evidence of their transgression being recorded and might find themselves punching Lucas Brunelle "right between the cameras".

Snobbo, regarding you being born with a silver spoon in your butt, or an Atari controller in your mouth, or however the saying goes, I bet you had those shoes with a holographic picture of a Transformer on the side and Velcro closures like my neighbour Trevor when I was five. I only had shoes with regular old laces and no holographs, a bit like a Les Miserables street urchin. I waited until I was eight to get my first bike, a torturous delay which I suspect caused some developmental brain wiring to fix in a lifelong obsession with bicycles. And now I want to ride in those Awesome Californian events you listed.

By the way, if cyclists are going to be addressing each other as Doper like the communists addressed each other as Comrade, will this become the equivalent of the Che Guevara t-shirt?

Yarpo said...

ce, you are right about Che!

Che Armstrong, or Lance Guevara...we could combine their images, melding their personalities and...whoa, that pre-ride pipe-load lasted longer than I thought...byoooootiful ride...oh yeah,

I agree with ce!!!

ce said...

"I agree with CE"

That will be my campaign slogan when I run for Chief Executive Douche of the Comments Section at the next election.

Yarpo said...

ce, should you be elected to so august a position would you then be, "ce the CED" or, "ced?"

You have to figure that out BEFORE you come out with the merchandise: t-shirts, bumper stickers, signage, campaign buttons, coffee mugs, beer steins, picnic blankets, flags, coasters, cloisonne pins, BBQ aprons, wine glasses, soft coolers, monogrammed chunks of real Belgian cobble, pen and ink sets, baby onesies, hoodies, wife beaters, and Frilly-approved lacy underwear.

I'd put your campaign people on that shit at once.

You know, like, man...

ce said...

Thanks Yarpo, you're an ideas man (even if you are a woman)

CE for CED!
CE wants the D

Yarpo said...

Your're welcome CE for CED, even if I'm not a woman, last I checked...yup, them is man-parts down there all right, an' no twin bouncing boobies of bouyancy in the upper parts either. Good to check once in a while, unlike Frilly or Babble, who NEVER need to check.

Paul Bowen said...

Those dump pictures are wonderful, they do that weird thing of making me nostalgic for a place I never knew. Some of them look like the sort of place Peter Clemenza might stop for a pee so maybe it's just that they're part of my visual vocabulary.

Leave the gun; take the cannoli.

Roille Figners said...

McFly - Whatever made Pullman great in Spaceballs or (I haven't seen) Mr. Wrong, is presumably the same thing that made him a bit unconvincing as the President in Independence Day. Just a pervasive goofiness I suppose. Oh well!

babble on said...

Er... McFly? Just an FYI... it IS possible for girls to stand up and pee into a urinal facing forward. There's a trick.

Anonymous said...

Wait!? I saw Frank Zappa play a bike once...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9P2V0_p6vE

Verona said...

This is cool!