Friday, August 3, 2012

BSNYC Friday Funning Exam!

You may recall that awhile back Yaywho? mistakenly identified Tour de France gold medalist and Olympic yellow jersey winner Bradley Wiggins as "Stanley:"



Well, a reader informs me that they've finally realized their mistake and begun to refer to him as "Adrian" instead:


Better late than never.

Speaking of Bradley or Stanley or Adrian or whatever his name is this week, his recent helment-related comments caused quite a stir as helment-related comments invariably do, though a Tweeterer tells me that Wiggins's teammate Mark Cavendish has a somewhat more articulate stance on cyclist safety:


I recommend reading it since Cavendish makes some very good points.  Also, his girlfriend has large breasts, which lends additional gravitas to his words:


(Peta Todd solemnly contemplates the plight of the Native Americans for your wanking pleasure.)

Speaking of making the biking, yesterday I was making the biking and was pleased to see the Department of Transportation hard at work in the summer heat enhancing the bike lanes:


About fifteen minutes later however my pleasure gave way to dismay when I encountered a minivan salmoning in the bike lane along the Great Hipster Silk Route:


If you're unfamiliar with this street because either you're not a hipster or you don't occasionally have to conduct hipster business, here's the layout:


The driver's maneuver was egregious enough that I was compelled to "Tweet" about it, which elicited the following reaction from one Twittererer:


No, actually I didn't make any assumptions or stereotypes, because that's exactly what he was:


(If you've got a better name than "Hasidic Minivan Bike Lane Salmon" for a Hasidic man driving a minivan the wrong way down a one-way street in the bike lane I'd like to hear it.)

No, if I wanted to generalize I'd have said something about how the Hasidim are just like every other religious group, in that they rigorously adhere to a bunch of nonsensical laws that are relevant only to their small community, yet the're perfectly happy to disregard the actual laws that are there to keep us all alive.  Therefore, the rest of us have to look out for them while they careen heedlessly around town with their heads up their own asses.

But I didn't, for the simple reason that Twitter doesn't let you use that many characters.

In any case, things didn't get any better in Manhattan, where saw this:


Which compelled me to Tweet again:


Good advice I suppose, but it would also be nice if drivers assumed there might be people in their blind spots.  Plus, it doesn't help when a driver speeds up from behind you and then turns in front of you in order to beat you through an intersection, which happens pretty often.  In any case, after making sure there was nothing I could do to help, I left satisfied in the knowledge that the police would soon arrive at the scene, remove the ticket from the truck's windshield, and reassign it to the cyclist:


Meanwhile, in Montreal, a reader tells me that an SUV driver was apparently desperate to get the last word in an altercation with a cyclist:


Fortunately there were witnesses:

"We make bicycle paths for cyclists," said a witness who didn't want to be named. "Why was he in the road?"

I realize they speak French up there, but in English a "witness" is someone who sees something, whereas a person who just says dumb shit is called an "idiot."

And on that happy note, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  All assways, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then YAAAY!!!, and if you're wrong then BOOO!!!--and also, you'll see Czech people making assumptions and stereotypes.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and remember: when you assume, uh, something to do with ass.


--Biopace Rock Machine






(Where's his helment?!?)

1) An overzealous fan has stolen Bradley Wiggins's:

--Cycling shorts
--Underpants
--Gold medal
--Sideburns






2) Levi Leipheimer is the face of:

--Animal birth control
--Feline AIDS awereness
--National Snuggle-With-Pets Month
--Ambien







(His velodrome is a circus tent.)

3) Mountain unicycling is called:

--"Muni"
--"All-terrain unicycling (ATU)"
--"Attention-whoring"
--"Humpin' the pizza cutter"







(Back when album art actually meant something.)

4) According to "uglification" proponents, securing your bike against theft is similar to making chocolate milk.

--True
--False







5) What is this man doing?

--Piloting a velomobile
--Utilizing a sensory deprivation chamber
--Riding a fully-faired unicycle
--Sitting in the Wank-O-Mat 2000 and viewing images of Peta Todd







(Not in my backyard.)

6) People in Brooklyn Heights don't want a velodrome because:

--Not enough people will come to use it
--Too many people will come to use it
--Both of the reasons above
--Neither of the reasons above








7) The figure on the roof is actually a member of the New Zealand swim team warming up for the 500-meter freestyle.

--True
--False




***Special Social Panhandling-Themed Bonus Question***


Someone wants $2,000 to:

--Start a doping program
--Build a wind tunnel at home
--Get offroad unicycling into the Olympics
--Visit the guy who used to own his bike


78 comments:

tridork said...

Podium, dude!

Anonymous said...

podium

cycle

theEel said...

weed.

nimble said...

woo hoo speed

nimble said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TTSC said...

Top Ten Scranus Cuntasticulas!

Big Charlie said...

It seems as though the Olympic track cyclists occasionally perform trackstands. They must have been learning from fixie riders.

Big Charlie said...

Oh and I won the quiz.

Gold medal. Gonna get "blind drunk".

Gaffer Smythe said...

Slow day. Read it, took the quiz, still top 10?

streepo said...

Top scranus!!

samh said...

All assways to you too, Snobby.

ringcycles said...

wow, is everyone already at pool?

Big Charlie said...

Economists debate rule-breaking in cycling.

http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2012/08/what-is-a-socially-optimal-level-of-bike-riding-danger.html

Anonymous said...

than kyou for the crotc hal splendor

NICE POST

BTW, the social panhandling thingy at the end made me almost throw my coffee mug over my lathe. we are all dooomed.

babble on said...

Where's the question about the quad-off? I was planning to casually drop a link to my calf-off challenge photo. Sigh.
So much for subtle...
click here and scroll down

singlespeedwaster said...

Top twenty - scarcely worthy of a Wigging

McFly said...

I wish I had the right to play.

Anonymous said...

Top twenty? And I read it....

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous Coward said...

Why oh why couldn't it have been "Humping the pizza cutter"?

g-roc said...

Sometimes I think we should be able to vote on the correct answer. Take question three, for example. The correct answer is the lamest one. "Attention Whoring" seems like the most accurate answer, but "Humping the pizza cutter" is simply awesome. Maybe it's only new to me, but from this day forward, I won't be able to refer to unicyclists any other way. Gold, Snob, gold. (but not in an Olympic way, because that would be trademark infringement)

Anonymous said...

what the shell!

Anonymous said...

Uff-da.

McFly said...

Well that's just great. Now I am also hard at work. Luckily I will get off later.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

i still can't tell who is more NSFW: petta or recumbabe!

mr. wookie said...

Squaw sits on scranus with feathered helment

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=helment

Piskian said...

"Can't be seem"?You mean can;t been seen to exist,or some other Old Testament bollocks.Make your miniscule mind up,nunchucks.What a canute.

babble on said...

McFly,

Everyone has the right to play. I think it's in the UN charter of rights and freedoms somewhere.

And isn't hard at work a good thing...?

Mlle Mlle said...

the "Why was he in the road?" comment relates to the fact that the Montreal street where the accident/crime occured actually has a bike lane. A "criss de" terribly ill-conceived, dangerous, yet snail-paced bike lane.

McFly said...

I love the internets....

leroy said...

Well of course Mr. Wiggins' first name is Adrian.

Here he is getting a shout out from Mr. Balboa.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgScBiXkO9Y

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Best quiz in a while, dude piston

mikeweb said...

I'm late because I was too busy in my Wank-O-Mat 2000. I'm upgrading to the 3000 next month.

But I did score 100% on the quiz! Despite that fact that I'm almost blind now.

leroy said...

My dog is a big Levi fan and confirms that Mr. Leipheimer's visage has never made him randy.

For those wishing to safe this weekend, he suggests thinking of Mr. Leipheimer and not Ms. Todd.

All The Black People In Portland said...

Jew eat?

While I wouldn't say they are, as a group, the worst, there sure does seem to be a higher % of ridiculous Hasid drivers than any group short of the fearless Haitian van drivers. (And if ya'll were from Haiti you'd fear no traffic "law" either.)

Williamsburg to the Navy Yard is bad but Coney Island Ave in Midwood is also a terror, likewise Borough Park to a lesser extent though Borough Park seems to have a weirdly high # of old station wagons still in service.

The only surprise in the photo is Tzvi's mini-van didn't have faux wood paneling.

Anonymous said...

Cav makes some poignant statements, and then proceeds to "pop the collar."

babble on said...

Mike

Almost blind? Why? Did you get some in your eyes?

Jefe said...

You lulled me into thinking the answer was always "A" until I met those wild and crazy Czech brothers.

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

babble on,

Yes.

A car driver in front of me engaged their windshield wiper fluid. That stuff stings. I assume that's what you meant.

babble on said...

course it is

WillWorkForVacations said...

I would like to propose a new feature for kickstarter.

Donate to a project, OR deduct an amount from a project and give it to charity. You gotta pay to play, so you have to give twice the amount you want to have removed. If you agree to give $20 to Crack Babies, kickstarter will take $10 out of the hilpster vacation fund.

Who's with me?

ringcycles said...

Personally, I'd just like the right to play with Peta Todd's pectoral appendages. Do you think the Manx Missile would mind?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Hasidic mini van bike lane lox.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Pocahontas married an English guy too.

Anonymous said...

So, some aspiring writer wants to appropriate your money so that he can appropriate other people's stories.

I can't see how that is appropriate at all.

I only hope he meets up with reality on the way. Is absinthe legal anywhere, these last hundred years?

If Nenes Relerou starts a kickstarter campaign to buy a large vicious dog, I might contribute.

McFly said...

Humping the Pizza Cutter. Nice. I really enjoyed this post today because boobs.

Seinfeld fan said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yogisurf said...

Peta, isn't Wank-O-Mat 3000?

yogisurf said...

Peta, isn't Wank-O-Mat 3000?

Anonymous said...

Dead right!

Max said...

Don't worry, the word idiot transcend the Language barrier

mikeweb said...

yogisurf,

I appreciate that you double posted that comment. Seems apropos considering the subject.

Anonymous said...

The Montreal Gazette had a related story entitled: "Montreal cyclist on bicycle path dies in truck collision."

http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Montreal+cyclist+dies+truck+collision+bicycle+path/6980172/story.html

Anonymous said...

Too bad Wrong Way Feldman has already been taken.

Jimboner said...

Boobies!

Shram said...

Yeah Snob! Rip -em a new one, cunts. If anyone actually read this blog, it might make a difference. Who knows, maybe some day.

McFly said...

RCT +17

Jerome said...

The Montreal dumb witness was actually an "anglo", so nothing got lost in translation. On this video from the scene of the accident you can actually see this witness in action at 1:28, in the background... http://tinyurl.com/buvs7br

Brave (cave) man.

Blog Drafter said...

Snob, I love you. I really do.



"No, if I wanted to generalize I'd have said something about how the Hasidim are just like every other religious group, in that they rigorously adhere to a bunch of nonsensical laws that are relevant only to their small community, yet the're perfectly happy to disregard the actual laws that are there to keep us all alive. Therefore, the rest of us have to look out for them while they careen heedlessly around town with their heads up their own asses."

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob, you are wasting your talents on a blog. You should be running for President of the World.

Anonymous said...

I'll say this 'bout Stnley Wiggins versus Mark 'Avendish.

The two be foils.

'Iggins'll be a bloke to grab a pint with and let loose n bein' a cunt while keepin' things real. If I'da won the Gold medal you'd be lucky to get me on the podium 'for I'd started drinkin'.

'Avendish'll be more eloquent 'n perhaps a bit more polished, but I don' know many blokes with 6 cars that'll get blind stinkin' drunk wit' a mate to celebrate.

Anonymous said...

Why do they just not go ahead and call BICYCLING THE MAGAZINE TM The Chris Carmichael Monthly Informer instead?

Anonymous said...

Levi Leipheimer = hairless Aphex Twin

Someone needs to make appropriate video.

SMP Glider said...

congrats for the Olympic yellow jersey winner Bradley Wiggins as "Stanley:"....
:)

Anonymous said...

NY Times ethicist encourages cycling, running of red lights:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/if-kant-were-a-new-york-cyclist.htm

McFly said...

I helped a turtle across a busy two-lane today. Pretty sue he set the land speed record for a shelled reptile. I got that going for me. Good ride.

TRTL PUCK

Rollie said...

I cry foul! You're just pandering to the long-held stereotype that Hasidim drive the wrong way down bike lanes in minivans. Haven't we moved beyond that sort of mean-spiritedness? When you assume, that puts u between me and some ass!

Thin Ray of Hope said...

Ship's log- day 18. Up to December 2008, has bike snob slept at all in the last 5 years, how the hell can he have written SO MANY posts?! At this rate i won't have read all the old posts before spring (in australia). The pace is already dropping, preventative stretching and energy gels can only do so much.

Jewface said...

We do drive the wrong way in minivans. It's how we identify ourselves to our brethren. It's our version of stretchy pants. Suck it!

Trip Advisor said...

TRH,
If you skip the one's that suck it will not take as long.

Anonymous said...

Please make this happen...

Put Bradly (Stanly/Adrian) Wiggins on the front on of a Wheetabix box with the catch phrase "I'm going to eat my Wheetabix and get on with it". That would be perfect thank you!

Anonymous said...

Fred

grog said...

But, is there bike cycling on Mars?

Anonymous said...

If I do not stop FAPFAPFAPFAP to Peta the Indian Princess I will be dehydrated. New Posting please.

Bigby said...

Did you see the report over the weekend of the ancient Chinese gentleman who rode a crappy old bike rickshaw from China to London for the Olympics. The word "epic" should be set aside for this guy.

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