Sport Vs. Mobility: Stamp of Approval, Staff of Dorkitude

You can tell a lot about a city from its sports fans.  For example, most sports fans engage in moronic behavior, and similarly most cities are full of morons.  Of course, one person's idea of "moronic behavior" is another's idea of "good behavior," and a Twitterer informs me that, when it comes to hockey and Los Angeles, trampling a cyclist is apparently no worse than crushing a beer can on your forehead:

Yes, when it comes to post-game celebrations, it's all about the bottom line, and according to the LAPD "the bottom line is this was a really good crowd, and they celebrated as normal adults do:"

I agree, they did celebrate as "normal adults do," because here's how normal American adults celebrate:

(Silly cyclist, it's all your fault.)

Moreover, these hockey fans showed remarkable ingenuity and drive.  The sad fact is that most Americans are simply too lazy to maim a cyclist without an SUV, and on the rare occasions when they're actually on foot they're content to just let the cyclist go.  Fortunately, in this case, Americans proved once again that they are at their best when they're gathered in large numbers, and they ultimately worked together, pooled their resources, and administered the stomping that the cyclist deserved.

But don't get the wrong idea, because America loves its cyclists, which is why the United States Postal Service is promoting this "healthy lifestyle" with a series of cheesy stamps:

Wondering what types of cycling each one of these these stamps represents?  Well, the answers may surprise you:


The four stamps feature a young child just learning to ride with training wheels, a commuter pedaling to work, a road racer intent on the finish line and an airborne BMX rider.

I got the child and the BMX rider, but I'm not sure how the guy with the aerobars is "a road racer intent on the finish line."  It should be obvious to any cyclist that the rider depicted on that stamp is a thinly-veiled
time traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet TridorkBret, right down to the telltale soul patch:

Also, how is the woman with the panniers "a commuter pedaling to work?"  She looks like she just concluded a successful Kickstarter campaign and is finally embarking upon one of those fantasy bike vacations that's dressed up as an act of charity.  Also, as a Twitterer pointed out, she's suffering from a pretty severe case of heel strike:

Still, none of this is to imply that you shouldn't buy the stamps.  In fact, the astute philatelist knows this this one will become especially valuable, since it's the bike dork equivalent of that upside-down plane stamp.  

Yes, you know you've made it in America when a moribund organization like the United States Postal Service gives you your own stamp.  Sure, it's easy to complain that the "road racer" is in fact a hapless triathlete (though arguably a state of haplessness is already implied in the word "triathlete"), or that the depiction of the "commuter" would make any Dutch bike-schlepping urban cycling advocate weep, but at least we're officially worthy of being adhered to obsolete forms of communication.  Fredboarders, on the other hand, may never get to experience this honor:

I've mentioned Fredboarding before, and the Fredboarder himself was very eager for me to post the above video, which confirms my suspicion that the sport of Fredboarding is about pathological attention-seeking more than anything else.  It's also about doing a funny little hop when you want to switch sides with your Fred-Tastic Roller-Staff of Dorkitude:

Incidentally, this video is set on the mighty slopes of the 110th street hill in Central Park.  This hill is the only incline of note in the park, and thus it serves as the great "bunching point" for New York City Freds of all stripes.  This is why there's a stunning display of Fredliness arrayed behind him, almost like a peacock tail of bike-dorkitude:

Pretty much all of those riders deserve their own stamp.

Oh, and don't say there's no such thing as "utility Fredboarding," because there totally is:

Yes, Fredboarding is a noble sport, and the fact that it involves a staff evokes both shepherding and the Old Testament, which is why I think this guy should ditch the Lycra and dress like the star of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:"

Now that would make for a sick "edit."