Friday, June 1, 2012

BSNYC Friday Luxury Williamsburg Condo Building With Shoddy Worksmanship!

There's no surer sign of springtime in New York City than when the anti-cycling cockblockers emerge from their hidey-holes and resume their seasonal efforts to outlaw the act of riding a bicycle.  Usually these efforts involve some sort of licensing or registration scheme.  This time though, it's a mandatory helment law, since the imminent bike share program is evidently sending them into a state of panic:

(Yeah, like I'm going to pay money to read the Wall Street Journal.)

At the risk of triggering a helment debate, mandatory helment laws are a key component of the anti-cycling conspiracy in this country.  Basically, the idea is that, instead of treating you like a human being and providing you with a sensible infrastructure, they force you to wear a foam yarmulke and tell you to ride your bike like you're driving a car--because, as the refrain goes, you have all the same rights to the road as a motor vehicle driver already so you don't need anything else except safety gear.  (And of course cars and bikes are exactly the same anyway, right?)  Then, once they get you used to having to wear your foam hat but your fellow cyclists keep getting killed, they'll shut you up by forcing you to wear some sort of padding, and then you'll have to get some sort of protective roll cage for your bike, and then maybe add an extra set of wheels so the bike is more stable, and then you'll be required to license and register your four-wheeled human-powered dune buggy, and it will take you an hour every morning just to get into your mandatory protective cycling spacesuit, and you'll have to pay for a parking space for your giant safe-cycle anyway, and eventually you'll just "get with the program" and say, "Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai."

But of course they're not going to admit that.  Instead, people like David Greenfield, the guy who's flogging this bill, says stuff like this:

"The best way to get killed if you're riding a bicycle is to not wear a helmet," Mr. Greenfield said. "We want to encourage people to be safe."

Actually, I can think of some better ways to get killed on a bicycle (or on foot) in New York City.  How about getting run over by a reckless or careless motorist, who knows there are no consequences for their behavior?  Or how about just getting "doored" by a driver who's too lazy to actually run you over, and who then leaves the scene because your death will make her late to a party?  (There are no consequences for that scenario either, by the way.)  But don't worry, I had a Twitter exchange with Greenfield, and he assures me he's got the whole dangerous driver problem licked:


Wow, a Tweet!  Of course, the Deputy Mayor already realizes that Greenfield is what we semi-professional bike bloggers call a "putz."   That notwithstanding, I was amazed to learn that a single Tweet actually counts as "doing something" in the world of law and politics--especially when that Tweet is issued by someone like Greenfield, who has about as many Twitter followers as a second-rate fixed-gear freestyler.  Naturally, if Tweeting is really that powerful I figured I should try it too.  So I took to my own Twitter account and proceeded to like totally end the economic crisis:


Then I raised a revered actor from the dead:


And then I figured I might as well share my feelings with a company called Spangler Candy, which is a leading manufacturer of the comestible known as the "Circus Peanut:"


Done, and done.

Of course, an anti-cycling conspiracy would be nothing without a media mouthpiece, and here in New York City we have CBS News, who famously suggested cycling terrorists might use bike lanes to blow up the Israeli consulate.  Naturally, they're behind the proposed helment law too, and they had this to say on the issue:


Seattle is often held up as a place that gets bike policies right.  So, the question beckons: what’s the law in Seattle when it comes to bike helmets?


They’ve been mandatory for all riders since 2003.

Obviously they're confusing Seattle with Portland, since Seattle is a paradigm of successful policies just like Kabul is a hotbed of wild and sexy spring break action.  Actually, they're probably "confusing" them intentionally as sort of a bait-and-switch, since to the average non-cycling New Yorker all rain-soaked Pacific Northwestern cities are pretty much interchangeable anyway.


In any case, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps, and Greenfield moves in auspicious circles indeed.  In fact, he has a friend who can eat a whole pie!

(A pie, you say?  Of pizza?)

I'd love to be around when David Greenfield rounds up his old college buddies for a night of partying.  "Guys, you have to come over tonight, Doug's going to eat a whole pie of pizza again!"  I imagine his friend who can eat a pie himself is a more nebbishy version of Will Ferrell's character in "Old School."

Anyway, Greenfield's district in Brooklyn now joins my "Places to Go Pee-Pee" list, just under Piermont.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then yaaay!!!, and if you're wrong then booo!!!--and also you'll see a tall bike.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride non-nonplussed.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






(I plugged "Outraged Canadian" into a popular search engine and this is what came up.)

1) Canadians were outraged when Giro d'Italia winner Ryder Hesjedal was offhandedly accused of:

--Doping
--Hawking his maglia rosa on Canadian eBay
--Undercooking his back bacon
--Hailing from the United States






(Another day, another revolutionary component group.)

2) Shimano's 2013 Dura Ace group will be:

--12 speed
--Solar powered
--13 speed
--Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz






("I am a little hungry.")

3) This man is:








4) David J. Greenfield has a friend who can eat a pie.

--True
--False






5) David J. Greenfield's pie-eating friend is probably not noted musician and bicycle activist David Byrne.

--True
--False






(Hipster.)

6) Which was not one of Marshall "Major" Taylor's "Dozen Don'ts?"

--"Don't be a pie biter."
--"Don't eat cheap candies."
--"Don't use intoxicants."
--"Stay the fuck away from Circus Peanuts."







(Seriously, how sad is that?)

7) It really doesn't get much sadder than:

--Sick kittens
--Dead puppies
--Children who have dropped their ice cream cones
--Cat 6 personal bests




***Special Bonus Essay***




For one trillion bonus points, describe your most "epic" ride that somehow involved cheese.


151 comments:

Twob Rake said...

first?

Matt said...

Second

McFly said...

Bike throw fail

Anonymous said...

There is no Dope in "The Podium"....

Wait just a damn minute....

leogodoy said...

Too early for any attempt at podium.

Anonymous said...

Are you going to the beach today or something?

Anonymous said...

7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cycle

studioe said...

....ahead I could see the guy being helped up by a bystander, clearly in a state of concussion. He woozily glanced over as I approached, and I simply pointed at my head and said, "helmet".

JB said...

Early break.

Christian said...

Cumming in from behind.

Christian said...

Theres a good TED talk about the helmet thingy here...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07o-TASvIxY

David said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

American panties!

Anonymous said...

Canadian Panties!

Anonymous said...

Canadian panties are American panties! Nations are not continents!

Gaffer Smythe said...

Last weekend I rode past the deli, and being surprised they were open so early, went in for a sandwich. It was prosciutto with muenster CHEESE. The end.

Little Miss Panties said...

While "Circus Peanuts" may technically fit the definition of comestible, inasmuch as people who don't know any better actually put them in their mouths, chew, and swallow, they don't really fit the spirit of the notion of comestibility, since a styrofoam peanut rolled in way too much powdered sugar would taste about the same. Or for that matter, just gnaw the innards out of your bike helmet, since I'm all in favor of wearing a helmet until somebody tells me it's a law, and then I develop a strange longing to have my brain bashed out on the pavement/hood of an SUV, just to prove that it's my brain and I can scramble them if I want to.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't it be "Peermont"?

Anonymous said...

TOOOP TWEEEEEENTY

Anonymous said...

Do these silly people with the tall bikes not realize the chain drive and gears were developed to avoid needing to have massively tall bikes? And who wants a bike that can only be dismounted onto the roof of a car without breaking your neck? But of course, he's wearing a helmet, so all is well!

Billy said...

Early post AND I missed the top 20!

Buffalo Bill said...

My Epic Cheese Ride
By: Buffalo Bill
I like cheese.
I rode my bike to get some.
It was epic.
The end.

David said...

Can I get the email addresses of those smugness victims from yesterday's post? I know an exiled billionaire Nigerian prince who needs to meet them. The prince currently can only access his overseas bank account if some kind American will give him their bank account and credit card info so he can give a billion to the kind American and use the rest to feed widows and orphans. If no Americans step up to the plate, he will reluctantly settle for a Canadian.

Taint production said...

After some of my epic rides I find myself with some fromunda cheese that, strangely enough, I didn't have when I started.

Bod said...

I cycled from Le Harve to Paris with my ex-wife and we ate a shit load of cheese. She's a cunt which is why she's my ex thus making my "holiday" a sufferfest and plusly thusly "epic"!
Fin...

Homer said...

mmmmmm...........pie.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

My son and I share an affinity for Cheez-Its. One day I put some in a zip-lock baggie and ate them for my mid-ride snack. They were yummy.

TALL BIKE
STYO FOAM
RIDE SAFE

Billy said...

My ride with the most discomfort to distance ratio was very short and extremely uncomfortable. I lived on a hill in Syracuse, New York, and after eating a big dinner at a Mexican restaurant at the bottom of the hill,, I thought it would be a great idea to bike up the hill, which I had never done before.

So I rode up the hillside in my granny gear with a belly full of queso and dos equis, and regret the decision to this day.

PS - Queso is Spanish-American for cheese.

PPS - You go girl! Tell that councilman he's a d-bag! The streetsblog link at the end was brilliant! It just oozed smugness!

Anonymous said...

There's not such thing now as "semi-professional bike bloggers". You're either Pro bike blogger or you can downgrade to Cat 1 bike blogger.

WPVelo said...

"little upset" dude bears a striking resemblance to "park slope" protest duderette.

professional protester? just guessin'

(only in a-mare-rick-uh)

b sample said...

this cheer bloggery has been so good as of late that i expect our semi-professional bike blogging leader man a/k/a WRM may be "experimenting" with BED's (bloggery enhancing drugs).

careful the controls yo.

Pantied Palin said...

This continent-country distinction is so complicated. What is the point anyway? Now they are telling me Canada is not a state. As if I weren't confused enough!

Elberto Quonk said...

Interestingly, the number of states repealing universal helment rules for motorcyclists is increasing. And they actually work..


http://www.freakonomics.com/2012/05/29/motorcycle-deaths-hold-steady/

Girl in the pink top on the black bike on the West Side bikepath said...

get the fuck away from me!!!

Anonymous said...

Holy cow this was early.


Balls®

Captain Hardbread said...

wow early post I haven't even put my pants on!

Anonymous said...

Last Monday I cut the cheese riding over the bridge from Harrison to Newark.

McFly said...

I missed questions 2 & 6 spectacularly. As in I clicked on every possible option except the right one, damn these early pop quizezzezes.

I wonder if Peta Todd is breast-feeding? Well not HER actually on her own breasts because that...would....be....so damn hot.

Jolene said...

Does riding a cheesey bike count?

Captain Hardbread said...

at least I aced the Quiz
that's one upset candyian does she has a relative who's upset about the Prospect Park Bike Lane
the Wildcat roars!

Dennis Hopper said...

Hey Snob man, thanks for putting food on the Hoppers table, baby.

Everyone up here speaks to me in Italian like I know what the hell they are saying. But at least they can fix a decent cocktail.

Dennis Hopper said...

I am hungry, got any circus peanuts?

Il Douche' mayor Lucca, Tuscany said...

Lucca, Tuscany Italy

Construction of the 'Cipodrome' has begun. For years the women of the world who have been 'Cippollinied' have been searching for a place to hold their annual gathering at which they celebrate their intense but often brief encounter with possibly the mightiest swordsman of all time and space.

Once completed 'Cipodrome' will house a museum devoted the Cipo's exploits outside of cycling. An 'Il Parata' annex will feature women who were intimate with Marco Pantani who 'back in the day' received Cipo's babe overflow as a gesture of mutual respecto.

Archetectual plans envision a Cipodrome that will easily hold 10,000 women. There are provisions in the plans for expansion seeing that 'The Loin King' is still extremely hetrosexually active.

S. Creamcheese said...

stabilized ricotta panties

Gingerchin said...

Where do I get one of these 49.35oz Cheesy Circus Peanuts?

JB said...

Go ahead and ban bacon too, NYC.

BANB ACON

Captain Hardbread said...

I ride the Bi of cycle
I ate the pie of Pizza
it had the cheese of mozzarella
I avoid the Circus of peanuts

Marcel Da Chump said...

Riding while eating a bagel and cream cheese.

g-roc said...

mmm, cheese

Anonymous said...

I'll need to put my helment on after writing this, but I like Circus Peanuts.

WPVelo said...

oh i gots my parks confused as they all look the same to me-a patch of grass/trees isolated from its natural place and filled with unnatural things like scooping poop happen.

the resemblance is uncanny. again i charge-pro protester.

good work if you can get it and goes quite well with the ability to wear/hold signage simultaneously with a permanently non-plussed (and unhelmneted) visage.

yo

jno62 said...

Speaking of NYC & Seattle....

What's the handgun law in NYC. Why did Plaxico go to jail?

some think to do that here in SEA would be to create our own "city state."

Beyond the pretence? said...

Major Taylor knows how to slam that stem!

Anonymous said...

I rode to the intersection near work, in the distant suburbs, on the weekend, just to see if it was a feasible ride. By the time I got there I was tired and hungry.

I got a cheeseburger and a beer at a lousy restaurant at that intersection. There are no good restaurants there. The beer was good.

I rode home. I was tired. I could have ridden the subway part of the distance back, but I had spent all my money on that cheeseburger and beer. When I got home I was even more tired. Anguish. Epic.

One trillion bonus points, please.

Dr. Ruth said...

Mr. WCRM, is "pie-biting" a veiled reference to cunnilingus? If so, is David Byrne's objection to "store-bought pies" a veiled reference to prostitution?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Instead of banning soda to cure obesity, why doesn't Greenberg introduce a bill to make pie-biting a gross misdemeanor?

d. byrne said...

Yes. It is true ...

I do NOT own an automobile ...

But I do own a solar powered zeppelin and a genuine unicorn.

waxmouth said...

David Greenfield is the same guy who made a grandstanding YouTube video after the big blizzard last year.

In which he accused the city of making bike lanes the "number one priority" of snowplows. And practically accused the mayoral administration of killing its own hapless citizens by not letting oil deliveries through, and blocking ambulances with snowbanks. Or transfering all the snow from bike lanes into the path of ambulances. Or something like that.

Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yZghyYp4Ss

Unfortch, as you can see in the video, the city did a pretty crappy job plowing the bike lane. So I guess they can't even get their "number one priority" right.

Anonymous said...

Dude,

The deputy mayor of NYC is tweeting at BSNYC.

BSNYC is totally mainstream; I'm bouncing from this blogway.

Nogocyclist said...

My longest ride was a metric double century. I rode from my hometown to the north side of a one store town out in the middle of nowhere. I stopped at that store and bought one of those snack packages of cheese and whatever else comes in them.

Not my first choice for a snack on a ride but it happened to catch my eye at that store being there just was not much else there.

Bill Smith said...

That was hilarious. Twitter Activists Unite!, or whatever.

leroy said...

My dog seems rather sad today.

I tried to cheer him up by explaining that the picture accompanying Question Number 7 is only what happens to dogs who ignore the warning to "stop that or you'll go blind."

That didn't seem to help.

Oh well, it's not like someone wants him to wear a helmet or anything.

And he is looking forward to going pee pee in Mr. Greenfiled's neighborhood, especially in the neighborhood of Mr. Greenfield's trouser leg.

Ride dry all!

Anonymous said...

Interesting quote from per deputy mayor,

“There’s a direct correlation between people not wearing helmets, and dying. I have yet to meet somebody who picked up a Big Gulp and just fell down on the spot and had a heart attack,” Greenfield told CBS 2′s Tony Aiello.

Sodas are know more for their propensity to contribute to type 2 diabetes and obesity. Poor diet from many sources, over many years, causes the clogging of the cardiac arteries that lead to a heart attack.

Also, I am perplexed as to why he is choosing to focus on bicycle helment laws instead of a real issue.

lob said...

A.Y.H.C.P.M.P.*

*All You Haters Can Palpitate My Pedipalpi

Special Bonus Essay: said...

"To the girl in the pink top on the black bike - thanks for letting me use you as a pacer! You're really fast. Trying to keep up with you was fun, and because of it I recorded my fastest average mile per hour ever.

Hope to see you out there again sometime.

Ride safe!"


100% sad cheese

Anonymous said...

Snob! (Doesn't rhyme with Dude!, unfortunately. I suppose we would need to spell it Snoob! Like, Hey, Bike Snoob! Huh. I kinda like that.)

Anyways...

Snoob!
Comestible? You just keep raising the bar.
Soon, you won't be able to defer to yourself as a "Semi-professional Blogger".
Comestible rates as a Professional Level word by any account.

Plus, today's post was pretty satangristerical.

Know Sh*t said...

“In the track races of Major Taylor’s era, teaming and cooperation between riders to physically block or “pocket” a strong rider was forbidden. Major Taylor was often a victim of these corrupt practices. The term “pie biter” probably refers to a rider who agrees to block a stronger rider in exchange for a share of the purse.”

Martin Erzinger said...

Désolé les gars, parc fermé. Moose devant Shoulda te l'avoir dit.

Canadian with a sense of humor said...

I am so embarrassed. Some people should have their interweb license revoked.

Anonymous said...

I ate some cheesefries, drank a few beers, got on my bike and went home.

Neil said...

# 6 is a trick question - d) is actually covered under Don't #6, so there is not right answer.'

Mark said...

It's a little known fact that one of the most epic rides of all, the Tour de France, actually started as a cheese run in the Pyrenees called "La Route du Fromage":

http://www.routedufromage-ossauiraty.fr/

Anonymous said...

http://www.eetimes.com/electronics-news/4374063/Bike-helmets-protect-with-air-bag-shell

3G said...

There was this one time where I took a block of brie to the private corners of the forest via mountain bike...

mikeweb said...

I need to know when Nashbar will start stocking the bicycle roll cages.

I want to be ready.

So, the NYPD as far as I can tell, doesn't bother enforcing the under 14 helment law that's already on the books, not to mention riding a bicycle the wrong way no matter how old you are, or killing a cyclist with your car whether or not you're late for a party, but this 'putz' thinks that THIS is the answer to less of us dying??

HOLD YOUR LINE! said...

My electronic gadget collection is telling me I'm on track for a new personal best, and I don't need you wobbling over and making me take the wind full on. Cripes!

Anonymous said...

All of my epic rides involve cheese in one way or another, which, strangely enough, cancels out cheese as a factor in my epic rides.

I'll accept a half trillion Bonus points because I realize this may not answer the question directly.

Cheers!

LeBeau said...

Wow Mark,

That was a life-changing experience looking at La Route du Fromage.

I have to go sit down now.

That was worth a billion points, Snob, so GIVE IT TO HIM!

crosspalms said...

The great thing about blowing a stop sign, making a U-turn in the intersection and then salmoning back to where you started is that you don't even need a tall bike to do it. Any bike will work.

Tinfoil hat award of legislative excellence goes to the deputy mayor.

Billy said...

Came to read more comments and realized I never watched the tall-bike video! Aced the quiz today and forgot to even brag or watch the wrong-question video on purpose.

How's that for humility?

Anonymous said...

@recumbent conspiracy theorist
Try mixing Cheez-its with M&Ms. It's like redneck fondue. And surprisingly tasty!

Billy said...

@Know Sh*t: Thanks! I had looked that up too, but now I don't have to post it. I guess pie-biters is old-timey-ese for cock blockers then!

PS - You can say "shit" here. It's okay. Lob won't smite you for it.

Anonymous said...

Technically, Nations are IN-continents, like Depends.

Anonymous said...

rented a dutch bike while in amsterdam last week for work (the bike weighed about 100lbs and was somewhat unwieldy). anyway, I stopped at a cafe and got baked and then went to a pannakoeken huis and had a savory salami and cheese pancake. it was epically delicious.

by the way everyone rides a bike in amsterdam and almost no one wears a helmet. the difference there is the drivers and pedestrians are aware of the cyclists. it's a fucking stupid idea to make cyclists bear the responsibility of bad drivers by wearing a helmet. It should be a personal choice.

crosspalms said...

Oops. Sorry, deputy mayor, I meant to give the hat to Greenfield.

Anonymous said...

RCT, try mixing cheez-its with cat turds. Ups the protein content, and tastes just the same...

lug.junkie said...

At least the Cat 6 guy used proper grammar with "you're".

Once, on a Rapha Gentleman's Race, I used tons of organic, artesanal chamois cream. The climbs were plenty and often and I needed every bit of the friction fighting properties to make it to the bottom of the final climb. While the previous efforts were various iterations of epic, (Epic, ePic, EPIc, etc.), the final climb was nothing short of EPIC! With glory on my mind and outrageously overpriced Chinese wool on my back I attacked. The furious piston action of my legs spread feelings of defeat in my opponents and, at the same time, created a delicious spreadable cheese made of chamois cream in my bibs. There were also crackers at the finish. I paired it with an Oregon Pinot Gris. Delicious.

Anonymous said...

All of my epic rides begin with a breakfast of the three B's: beer, bacon, and broccoli. I never run out of gas on the bike. Then, after several hours I stop and eat some cheese (any variety). Then I ride home as fast as I can.
Thank You.

Dooth said...

If they pass a helment law, NO MORE BEAUTIFUL GODZILLAS!

Anonymous said...

Dogs never let you down.
Dogs love cheese.
Therefore, cheese never lets you down.

ce said...

I rode past cows. Cows make milk. Milk makes cheese. One Trillion Points.

Anonymous said...

Ate a bunch of sausage riding to Provincetown. Cheese of the artisinal ilk was involved. The Budweiser was decidedly lower middle class and rather non-epic. The weed however... epic. What we really need is artisinal ganja gouda.

Salty and Sore said...

One Trillion Bonus Points said...


This one time..
In Cippolini Camp....

Double Entendre said...

"There was this one time where I took a block of brie to the private corners of the forest via mountain bike..."
I think McFly would probably boast that he has done the same

Felix Unger said...

Cheese it, Oscar!

bikesgonewild said...

...wow...quite honestly, today's post deserves kudos for the sincere emotional passion with which it was rendered...

....bsnyc/rtms/wcrm wins the david byrne 'burning down the house' award for a well versed diatribe...

...i applaud...

bikesgonewild said...

...epic cheese ride...hmmm ??? (furrowed brow)...

...i took a photo of some friends whilst we were on a bike ride...

...i said '...say cheese...' & their smiles were epic so i pushed the button...

...it was a 'kodak moment' & as cheesy as it gets...

...just sayin'...

Etherhuffer said...

Our Seattle mayor loves bikes. That is good. But he hates cars, and that does nada to further the conversation. Amsterdam works because the parties don't hate each other. And our helment law warrants a Gallic shrug. People still get killed, but likely a few kids don't get their marbles all chipped just falling on a rock or a curb.

If you take all the sharp corners out of the world, kids won't learn shit and just hurt themselves worse from lack of respect to true dangers.

Anonymous said...

I rode a century in 100+ degree heat. When I was done, my chamois smelled of Fumundah cheese.

wishiwasmerckx said...

100th!

Anonymous said...

I was riding along, just minding my own business. Then I smelled something a bit off, and looked around.
I was being attacked by a munster!

Stop that pigeon said...

I tweeted before shitting on Greenfield's head.

Pie Biter said...

Eating pussy of course. Dumbass.

Anonymous said...

I rode from my aunt and uncle's house to the nearest town (they live in France) - about 10km and flattish, so nothing epic - spent the afternoon wandering, a wee old mannie liked my bike and invited me to play cards with him and his amis (I declined the cards, but said hello to them and had a glass of pastis). For my dinner I had a steak in a lovely roquefort sauce and some rather lovely Bordeaux. Then I rode back to the house, lovely French summer evening.

hey nonny mouse

(scores well on the epicurean chart, less so on the epic one...)

Anonymous said...

Just noticed rather a lot of "lovely" in that post; I apologise for the repetition, but it really was!

hey nonny mouse

Major Tebow said...

Don't be a muff diver.

McFly said...

You know when you make a plate of nacho's in the microwave and no matter what there is always a "Master Chip" where all the liquid cheese coagulates?

What if...you made ten plates of nacho's and took said Master Chip(TM) from each plate and placed it onto a Glory Plate and reheated it all for 30 seconds and slathered it in sour cream and chunky mild Salsa(not the quick releases)?

I will tell you what if: EPIC CHIP

Major Taylor (via Twitter) said...

Not biting pie

McFly said...

hey nonny mouse, so jealous right now. Tres, Tres, Tres jealous.

Rocky Ford said...

Hey, hey nonny mouse,
Just what type of bike charmed these French folk?

bikesgonewild said...

..."...chunky mild Salsa..."...

...now, that part sounds kinda sissyish...

...not calling you that but 'mild' ???...really ???...

...just sayin'...

S. Creamcheese said...

aerosol spray-on cream cheese panties

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Hmmm... I often have some cheese for a snack when I get home from work, but my commute is anything but epic.

Oh wait!... One time I got off work and it was raining like, really hard, and it started to hail after it was too late to turn back, and I picked up a thorn about 300 yards from home and almost had to dismount for the last block... oh shit; I didn't have cheese that time...

Damn.

Anonymous said...

It was a Peugeot Elan with the dropouts cut off and home-made track ends brazed in; at the time I'd taken the tubs off and it had road wheels and a brake. Its existence was the result of careless use of the English language and it is on the fixed gear gallery, although from quite a few years ago.

It's painted black and white.

hey nonny mouse

Smug to the 10th power said...

As a second-rate fixed-gear freestyler, I'm thoroughly insulted and demand an apology for your comparison to the deputy mayor of such a vile and despicable city.

Herman Muenster said...

Is there a minimum word count necessary for my epic cheese ride essay?

Feta Todd said...

I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?

Bogusboy said...

I'm elated to hear that the "new" DuraAce groupset "quickly moves the chain between gears".

McFly said...

When I was 14 I rode my tenspeed to this girl's house at liked 2 a.m. because she said she would give me some and I had never had any. I got there and she balked and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. So I rode back home, rubbed one out, and had a grilled cheese sandwich. True story.

Artisanal Pain said...

I was in Mayheecoh and this big hairry pussycat was hepah me win trilliong billiongue contest bone us quest young points on my bike steeling cheese

Doug said...

These cheezy Circus Peanuts are making me thirsty.

Anonymous said...

I'm eating cheese right now, duh, and about to get on my bike. Epic? We'll see...

sports funia said...

very nice

Pooped said...

I'm climbing L'Alp d'Emmantaler right now. What a sufferfest!

Frito Layed said...

Head Cheese Nachos

Anonymous said...

Has anyone not suffered a head injury by not wearing a helmet?

Would you not ride your bike if you had to wear a helmet?

Think about it.

Anonymous said...

I was hit by a car. Thank God I wasn't wearing a helment.

dean ween said...

i went on a cheeze-run, and forgot th cheeze because the ride was so...EPIC...IC...iC...C...c...c.

Babe Winklemen said...

Here is a little gift from The Babe. Alexandre Vinokourov will win the Olympic road race July 28, 2012. Right now he is 99 to 1. Jump on it! Cavendish is a pussy.

http://sports.ladbrokes.com/en-gb/London-2012-Road-Race-Cycling-e215208079

Cheeseter A Garfield said...

Oh you sneaky, sly devil, you...steering the comments away from a helment imbroglio with your cheesey query.
That's right...cheesey query.
A cheesey query saved our weekend.
Cheese heads! The Giants own you in the playoffs!

Sling Blade mentally challenged guy said...

There are two types of cheese son. You have your tubular cheese and then you have your clincher cheese.

Sling blade special guy said...

There are two types of 'air cheese' son. You have your schrader air cheese and you have your presta air cheese.

Yes my son. Indeed. Both can be cut.

Cut the cheese boy!

99 Cent Merchandise said...

awesome stuff! More power to your blog!

2nd Lt. Taylor said...

I was tooling down a bubonic English countryside lane with a large hill to my right, when a large wheel of cheese few by me (boy did it stink). Moments later a herd of people ran by me "chasing the cheese", as they say in Jolly Old England, (boy did they stink). Next came a herd of young women being chased by a guy with more teeth than the reaction to a strong Gorgonzola will expose. EPIC!

Don't Bogart that Cheese said...

Anon said: "I got a cheeseburger and a beer at a lousy restaurant at that intersection." I ate there too, but I don't think it was real cheese. They never took the plastic wrap off the piece that went on my burger. A sure sign that the restaurant staff didn't want to inhale the chemical fumes from faux cheese. Greenberg eats there all of the time, always orders a cheeseburger.

Eurodude said...

This Mr Greenfield should come over to visit Europe and see that it´s bike lanes that make cyclists safe, not helmet laws.
What an idiot...

Eurodude said...

helmet? cheese?

The world´s most dangerous cheese (no bullshit):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Ian the Portly said...

HEY GUYS! I am traveling the entire USA (but not really) trying to sample every known style of cheese specific to each region(actually it's beer I sample) and if you could chip in just a little bit for daily consumables (well, mostly video poker and hookers) it would be greatly appreciated (no, really I could not be less grateful. Give me some damn money, I have a flat).

Anonymous said...

A cyclist in Boston was just killed by an MBTA bus Friday night. She was "DEFINITELY" wearing her helmet (said friends.) Oddly, a friend (appearing on the news) also said that the deceased used to live in NYC and felt very comfortable biking there but much less safe doing so in Boston.

McFly said...

That Cheese Healment looks pretty damn baller, give those Wisconsin fools some serious scalp fromage.

Tilford said...

It is weird how when you’re about ready to inhale something, your eyes focus in on it and watch it go right into your mouth. That was the case here, but I couldn’t do anything about it. It got stuck somewhere down in my throat, it didn’t make it to my lungs. So, I spent the next 5 minutes trying to cough and dislodge it. Alternating coughing and sipping water didn’t seem to do the trick.

Spence said...

Illuminati!

Spence said...

This is one of your great posts, very creative, had me laughing throughout, thank you.

Client Number Nine said...

Ian the Portly - Put it on Kickstarter, it'll get funded.

Ian the Portly said...

Why yes that is an excellent idea. Could you please spot me $20 so's I can access the internetting via a local cafe? My laptop is broken.

Billy said...

@Eurodude: Consumption of Casu Marzu is banned by the great Lob.

Shit Starter said...

Why is it so damn hard to say cheese without smiling?

Anonymous said...

FROMAGE !!!!!!!


Pardonez mois for being late to the party.

Just finished Robb's ride BC/Wash.epic fun.

Robert said...

I think this dude is my representative, I'll actually vote next time in this case.

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