Thursday, May 31, 2012

Self-Preservation: There's No "Me" in Smugness

Hey duders!

Somewhere in the snowy wilds of Canadia, where the men are moose, the women are hosers, and the back bacon runs free, one solitary man is still upset that I pretended to think that Ryder Hesjedal is from the United States, for I recently received the following email:

Nope, i can assure you that you really dont know how to tell a joke. Just stating something absurd is not telling a joke. There has to be a hook beyond the pretence? of ignorance. You may want to review your semi-pro rating. Hopelessly amateur may be closer to the mark.

I enjoyed this tremendously, since indignant emails about inconsequential matters are my favorite form of prose.  As a bonus, this one even features the old question-mark-after-the-misspelled-word-that-the-author-couldn't-be-bothered-to-look-up, which we in the semi-professional writing trade call the "lazy-man's spell check."  In any case, if he doesn't like absurdity for absurdity's sake I only hope he never sees a Steven Wright routine, because he'll be hunting-and-pecking away at indignant emails for the next ten years.

Speaking of false claims concerning one's nationality, the good people of Portland (or, more accurately, its environs--or at least Oregon) have been duped by a wily Australian (or, more accurately, Faux-stralian) bounder and grifter:


Here's how the elaborate caper "went down" (to employ the hardboiled language of police procedurals):


An Australian man on a bike tour through Oregon has learned first hand how supportive and compassionate our community is.


On Sunday, Salem resident Chad Butler was on his way home from participating in the Sisters Stampede mountain bike race when he came across a man from Darwin, Australia named Ian (no last name given) whose rear wheel had been badly damaged after being hit by a van.


Naturally, upon hearing that a person with a bike was in trouble, the smug people of Oregon all put on their helping pants:


After offering to help Ian himself, Butler then made an appeal for others on the OBRA list to step up:


"I'm hoping I can help him find a heavy duty 700c touring wheel. Being that he's currently without the ability to access his bank, I'm willing to be his benefactor, but I'm hoping to find a killer deal amongst our loving OBRA community. Bring it on guys. This fella started his bike journey here in Toronto and has pedaled his way all the way to Oregon, a mecca of U.S. cycling, only to find bad luck. I think we can change it around."


To be a recipient of this kind of assistance is to be, in an odd way, a victim.  Sure, people are coming to your rescue, but they're mostly coming to your rescue to further inflate their bloated sense of how wonderful they are, so what you really are is sort of a smugness piñata being bludgeoned with kindness and bike parts.

As it turns out, though, this man was no unwitting piñata.  He was in fact a professional huckster and confidence man who knew all too well how to extract the sweet, sticky nectar of smugness from the people of Oregon.  Indeed, after BikePortland published the original story, commenter after commenter logged on to share similar encounters with the same individual.  There was this one:

This probably sounds crazy. I am 99% sure that the "Australian named Ian" from today's front page story isn't who he says he is...


I ended up helping him fix a flat tire (he said his hands were pretty useless since his Golden Glove boxing days), and he laid on a sob story about someone stealing his wallet from his bike trailer, and having to wait for cash to be forwarded before continuing his journey (sound familiar?). I lent him $20 as he left camp, and he took my address to mail me payback. I left camp shortly after, and passing through Ashland saw his bike parked outside a bar. I walk in and he is drinking and playing video poker!!

And this one:

This sounds all too familiar to me as well. I helped out a similar fella probably 9 or 10 years ago (same small stature same penchant for tale telling) claimed he had toured all over the country and had actually stopped at Specialized bike's headquarters where he became fast friends with Ned Overend whom he fondly referred to as "Nedley". I actually drove him to a shop in Salem from the side of I-5 where he had his wheel repaired and since he had no money I ponied up the ten or so bucks with the promise that he'd pay me back. Never saw him again until (I think) now...

And this one:

Wow! I ran into this guy at Standish-Hickey in August 2010 in the middle of a tour to SF. The guy showed up with a can of Budweiser, a copy of USA Today ("rubbish" he called it) and said he'd been robbed in Eugene (bags stolen while he used a gas station restroom) and was going to high-tail it straight down 101 to the Australian embassy. He was wearing dirty old bike shorts (in fact, he was generally covered in dirt) and had a cheap 4-man tent without a fly.


Best of all, this huckster doesn't even have to bother to look the part of the long-distance bicycle tourist:


(When not grifting, "Ian" plays Homer J. Simpson at children's birthday parties.)

This is because the Religion of Smugness expressly prohibits its members from inferring anything from someone's appearance, even if it's in their own self-interest to do so.  This is why they get taken by people who claim to be riding from the North Pole to Tierra del Fuego but look like they've just hastily slipped on an ill-fitting jersey in the bathroom of a greasy spoon.

Of course, one might argue that it's always better to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not so sure.  Maybe I'm just a cynical New Yorker, or maybe I'm just a plain old-fashioned misanthrope, but if I were approached by a man who looked as though he's just had a hot date with a hot open turkey sandwich and who spun a baroque tale of misfortune in an ersatz Australian accent I suspect I might be disinclined to help.  Then again, I'd probably also be disinclined to stop and help if I were to witness a zombie attack, which is what a reader tells me other cyclists failed to do in the case of that horrific face-eating incident in Miami. (And yes, if you're reading this outside of the United States, it's officially come to face-eating here in Canada's Dockers.)  Anyway, here's what happened:


In the Herald video (http://hrld.us/N9GlGB), a naked Eugene walks west on the sidewalk alongside an off-ramp of the causeway. A bicyclist speeds past Eugene just as he turns to something in the shade, in an area obscured by the tops of palm trees.


After a couple minutes, Eugene rolls Poppo's body into the sun and begins stripping off his pants and pummeling him. Later, the footage shows Eugene pull Poppo farther up the sidewalk. Though the view is partially obstructed by the mass transit rail above, Eugene appears to hunch over and lie on top of Poppo.


The footage shows a bicyclist slowly pedaling past the men about halfway through the attack, followed by a car slowly driving on the shoulder of the ramp. Cars regularly pass by the scene from the beginning of the attack, but their view was likely obstructed by a waist-high concrete barrier.


Two more bicyclists cross the scene before a police car drives the wrong way up the ramp nearly 18 minutes into the attack.


Notice how the article implies the cyclists simply ignored the attack while at the same time providing a ready-made excuse for the drivers, as though people who ride bikes are somehow worse people who drive cars.  If anything, though, this horrible tale underscores our shared humanity regardless of what sort of vehicle we operate.  The truth is that, whether we're straddling our crabon Fred chariots or tapping at the gas pedals of our bloated SUVs, we're all unified in our compulsion to get as far away as possible from two naked men writhing underneath an overpass.  It's one thing to stop and ask a stranded cyclist if he needs help fixing his flat or offer a stalled motorist the use of your cellphone; it's quite another to stop and try to ascertain whether two pantsless people are making love or just eating each other alive.  You can call this self-preservation instinct mercenary if you like, but I choose to find it oddly comforting.

But while cyclists may shy away from zombie attacks, they have no inhibitions when it comes to telling other cyclists what to do.  In particular, cyclists love to bark orders at each other, and one of the most popular orders is the admonition to "Hold your line!," which I heard recently in Prospect Park:


There I was, piloting my smugness chariot and taking great pains to ignore any zombie attacks or hapless Australians that might be hiding in the bushes, when I heard those words: "Hold your line!"  At first I thought they were directed at me, which was perplexing since the long wheelbase of my smugness chariot makes any kind of weaving almost impossible.  But then the riders pictured above appeared, and I realized that one of the Fredericas (possibly the one with the pink hot pants) was yelling at the guy on the hybrid.  This seemed wholly unnecessary, for not only was there plenty of room on the park roadway, but hybrid guy also appeared to be adhering to his "line" quite linearly.  Really, telling strangers in the park to "hold your line" is for the sort of people who need a "tactile signal" to tell them where their handlebars end.

Most of all, though, I was disappointed because both riders were wearing fanny packs, and I'd like to think that there's a greater sense of community and respect among people who wear butt-pouches.  Given the amount of derision they're subjected to, you'd think they'd at least look out for each other.

127 comments:

Anonymous said...

WRM/rtms you're my first.

mikeweb said...

Podium! Now to go back and click on all the ads to praise the almighty Lob.

Buffalo Bill said...

No way I'm making the podium, hosers.

Фovanov said...

Piдиум?

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

It's really not fair to ask such an uncontroversial question.

Ian Large said...

Oooh! Top Ten...better read the article now... :-)

Screechy McBrakes-Guy said...

Torp Tnen!

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeech!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

McFly said...

Dryer Hedgedog is from The Canada!

Anonymous said...

top 10

cycle

Bitter Cold War Warrior said...

Who's the Roosian dude in 4th?

Probly all hopped up on Roosian Goofballs....

Bitter Cold War Warrior said...

Excuse me, "THE" Roosia, I should say.

Ian Large said...

Incidentally, "pretence" is entirely valid where I come from and I know some bits of Cananadian English match the mother tongue rather than the version used by Usonians so perhaps it is the correct spelling there too.

I agree that the mid-sentence "?" is a grammatical offence ("offense") worthy of nothing less dramatic than castration.

Anonymous said...

Peloton!

Anonymous said...

My balls were squeaking, so I greased them up.



-balls™

smugness piñata said...

bludgeon me!

Anonymous said...

hello? yes, this is balls®

Billy said...

Oooh, top 20.

Dennis Hopper said...

Ha ha ha...very funny.

Don't forget to put food on the Hoppers table.

SaddleAmericana said...

yes, Ian, castration is most certainly in order. or maybe everyone could just bludgeon the offender with smugness, free bike parts, and laid back bike bro jargon...

McFly said...

this one even features the old question-mark-after-the-misspelled-word-that-the-author-couldn't-be-bothered-to-look-up,


That is poetically beautiful for I am a huge fan of the lazy ? mark.

Speaking of Australians I was standing behind a beautiful blonde one on the 100 miler (she was bent over at the water cooler) when she raises up, spins around and says, "I'm sorry, lov, did I cut in front of you?"

I immediately Pearled in my Izumi's.

Anonymous said...

So much for Portland and Byculating Magazine's ratings for "top biking sucker".

It was probably a stolen bike.

le Correcteur said...

Missed top 20; but I read it, and think that this paragraph goes in **your** top 20, WRM:

"To be a recipient of this kind of assistance is to be, in an odd way, a victim. Sure, people are coming to your rescue, but they're mostly coming to your rescue to further inflate their bloated sense of how wonderful they are, so what you really are is sort of a smugness piñata being bludgeoned with kindness and bike parts."

Marcel Da Chump said...

Now they're blaming us for indifference to zombies.

canadia's butt pouch said...

careful with that axe eugene zombie

jno62 said...

Hey Snob,

What does the word "fanny" mean in the UK?

I've heard stuff, just asking the expart?!

JB said...

Who called the cops? If I were riding along and saw a face-eating underway, I certainly wouldn't stop near the perp to call 911.

crosspalms said...

I'd have been here sooner but my line was on hold.
"Ian" has some sporty looking bike shoes there.

mikeweb said...

The problem isn't zombies, it's people who snort bath salts then watch 'Silence of the Lambs'.

Dude's just lucky the 'zombie' didn't have any lotion with him.

Anonymous said...

I agree, if I come across a naked guy eating another naked guys face I'm getting the fuck out of there. What's the alternative? "sir would you please put your pants back on and stop eating your friends face. thank you."

crosspalms said...

Maybe Eugene is the hairy-handed gent who apparently stiffed his tailor.

Philly Bicycle Journal said...

The second I saw the picture of the Australian cyclist I realized he was a scamer. Who wears hiking boots while riding cross country.

Billy said...

What's your take on asking stranger to call out or ring their bell when they pass you within inches in the bike lane on roads with heavy traffic?

The guy acted like I asked him to give me all his money or something. It was pretty weird.

Vegas said...

Byrne, Baby, Byrne!

I, for one, can assure the Great White Northern idiot that Snob certainly does know how to tell a joke. That he was too stupid to get it seems to be the problem. Or maybe it's just that his synapses have become permafrost. Excellent retort, Snob, Steven Wright would certainly confound his sorry excuse for grey matter.

Anonymous said...

He's not fat, obese, unhealthy or large, he is another rider suffering from Freditosis. We should have a ride to raise funds and awareness for those who suffer from this devesatating sedentary life style. It appears to first manifest as the inability to step away from the buffet and progesses with the inability to see oneself growing larger until finally your motor skills are so impaired you cannot lift your leg over the from and hoist yourseld up on your seat. Perhaps we can satisfy our own need for self esteem and enable these good and gentle people as well...a win / win!

Anonymous said...

In some parallel universe semi-professional's book blog there's a post about how they met some awesome duder that rolled into town on a surly trucker that swooned everyone in Europe to buy his 'book' by using ass savers as a ruse, and then a string of comments about how he looks familiar and that they too were taken, now own the book, didn't get any stickers, and are generally amazed at the brazen assiness? of that traveling shyster.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:44:

Go f%@& yourseld.

Toquemiester said...

ok, face eating , ok? What's that all aboot? That guy's knoodles.

singlespeedwaster said...

Ah, the top 50 has a home for me. Or is it a hoser?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

When someone insists that my dog "hold the line," he responds "Love isn't always on time."

He's a big Toto fan.

As for me, I'm more of a Steven Wright fan even though my dog thinks Mr. Wright's observation that "I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone" isn't funny.

I still think the line about walking into a diner advertising breakfast any time and ordering French Toast during the Renaissance is genius.

Etherhuffer said...

Two Canadian hockey players on vacation in Florida are walking down the street when one says "Is there a face off in the corner?"

Anonymous said...

@Ian Large
The correct spelling on this side of the pond is Cananadadadian.

ringcycles said...

"Once in a while, I lean out a window, look up to the sky, and smile for the satelite photo" Steven Wright

ringcycles said...

"If anything, though, this horrible tale underscores our shared humanity regardless of what sort of vehicle we operate."

Bike riders & car drivers, we are all made of the same stuff on the road; just ask Cormac McCarthy

Anonymous said...

Dunno why he bothered with the question mark, pretence is meant to be spelled that way. Unless you overseas types use an "s", that is....?

I ask in the spirit of linguistic enquiry, of course.

hey nonny mouse

DerZoots said...

Fanny packs.

Hahahahaha.

Oh to be packing teh fanny something good.

Can't go wrong there.

grog said...

Ian is a hockeypuck.
Recumbabe is naked.
Toast is French.
RTMS is educational.

Captain Hardbread said...

Duder!? if I pedal faster can I time travel to the podium! lunch was yummy, but the cops shot me before I finished his face!

MattH said...

Hey BSNYC,

Isn't "Wilma" the feminine form of "Fred"?

Doug said...

And as to the Aussie charlatan, that's no big deal. A certain infamous ex-pro bike racer in Sacramento recently bragged about panhandling $35,000 a year. He also is quite the storyteller.

bikesgonewild said...

...that guy ain't an aussie, that's canuckistanian ian mc-ian & he's really let himself go...

...ian mc-ian, wayne gretzky, ryder hesjedal, myself, our face-off specialist named eugene plus a guy named rocco magnotta who we later traded because he 'mailed it in', all played pro hockey together on the saskatoon doukhobors the year we won lord stanley's cup by beating the prince albert inacans...

...all part of canada's rich social & sporting heritage...

bikesgonewild said...

...& what the devil ???...mikeweb got beat after working overtime for the win ???...

...never should a' happened...(private joke)...

Anonymous said...

I thought I was the one participating in this blogosphere without any humour.

Stupid Name said...

Proves again that there is one canadian out there without a sense of humour, and that the joke is on Portland.

Captain Hardbread said...

councilman Greenfeild is a dope
Mayor wants to ban 20 oz soda. What about big macs? Large fries? Pie of pizza? I have a friend who can eat a pie himself! #WhereDoesItEnd?
what New Yorker says Pie of Pizza?

crosspalms said...

The beer of bottle goes well with the pizza of pie.

crosspalms said...

pie of pizza

(stupid fingers)

Esteemed Commenter (?) DaddoOne said...

what is an indigent email?
One too (?) poor to live in an in-box(?)


(the "hook" here is the fact that Snobby said "indignant" ... you see how I did that?)

mikeweb said...

bgw,

Luckily it's a 7 day stage race.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Leroy, the LSB ( local sports bar) where I do lunch and log-on, played that Toto song minutes after reading your comment. Tell your dog, he didn't have to rub my nose in his canine irony. Like Steven Wright's humor, I nearly choked on inner laughter.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I know what a "rusty trombone" is and of course a "hot karl". I even know what a "David Blaine" is but could someone tell me what a "Cheap 4-man tent Without A Fly" is?

by the way,

today's post is representative of your best stuff snob - go ahead and hang your computer on the fridge

McFly said...

Fanny packs: Making "The Pill" obsolete since 1988.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post today, Snob. One for the ages.

Anonymous said...

The spirit of linguistic enquiry (2:39) said …

The "pretence?" question mark had nothing to do with spelling (on which I take no pozition).

The midnight-sun crazed emailer was alluding to the possibility that the blogger may … wait for it … actually have been ignorant, and not just pretencing, I mean pretensing, I mean faking it.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you just admit that you misidentified Ryder's nationality precisely because you knew you would get some reactions like the one here? It's not your joke that's absurd.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 2:39, you misspelled "spelt," unless you are on this side of the pond, where "spelt" is a grain instead of a construct.

Friendo said...

PANT LESS
CANN IBAL

bikesgonewild said...

...now that, mikeweb, was totally an 'lol'...

Vanonymous said...

EATN FACE

Anonymous said...

An Australian drinking and playing video poker?!?!? No way dude!

HOLD YOUR LINE! said...

Peloton wannabees are such asshats.

Anonymous said...

To be fair, those cyclists who nonchillantly? rode past the homo-not-that-there's-anything-wrong-with-that-nomnom session were only doing so because they were just yelled at to hold their line.


It's all about the way you do the things you do
The way you do it
You've got to hold it
Hold it



Yeah, hold it, bitches.

Anonymous said...

The last time I stopped because of weirdness I nearly got a brick in the head. Riding tough enough without inviting Zombies to the party. I'd pretty much tell the chick in hot pants to hold the line too, after the ride.

g-roc said...

All of our comedians get exiled to the Canada's underpants, so you'll have to excuse us for not having a sense of humour. On behalf of the Canada I've already forgiven you for not being able to tell a joke. I only read your blog because I heard it was funny and I'm hoping one day to get it.

Oh, and if I had a U-lock, I'd totally deal that zombie some bicyclecyclist justice. But only in Florida, because hey, there are no repercussions for your actions.

Friendo said...

@ g-roc 4:44

So you've been provided with and evaluated all the evidence?

I think not. You're a dick.

Anonymous said...

Sorry pal but the ? referred to the fact that you are "pretending" to be unaware of Ryder's nationality.Semi-professionals know how to tell real jokes,and they often own up to ignorance.

Anonymous said...

As a bonus, this one even features the old question-mark-after-the-misspelled-word-that-the-author-couldn't-be-bothered-to-look-up, which we in the semi-professional writing trade call the "lazy-man's spell check."

oh look, more evidence of your amateur status!!

pre·tence (prtns, pr-tns)
n. Chiefly British
Variant of pretense.

Anonymous said...

I got a "Wake Up!" from some dickhead tri-"athletes" the other day while I was coming up a bridge ramp looking straight at them coming toward me. I expressed surprise and bafflement to the first one as he passed only to be yelled at again by the last on of their pack. Wake Up?! Really? I'm not the one dreaming that I'm not ridiculous on my TT bike in full spandex while riding along on a path little kids and old folks regularly travel on. Get on the fuckin' highway...

crosspalms said...

preteence: jailbait. var., chiefly Canadian, of preteens. Thanks for the semi-prose. Friendo will drop by to ventilate your spleen after he's through hobnobbing with g-roc.

Dooth said...

If anyone is not a dick, it's g-roc. On point,

America, fuck yeah! said...

Dear Canada:

You can take your dog sleds, your lumberjack shirts, your maple syrup, your stupid monopoly money and your special bacon, and BLOW ME!!!

Friendo said...

so, Dooth, you too are privy to all the evidence and can serve as judge and jury. How magnificent you must feel.

Anonymous said...

There IS a "Me" in smugness, are you stupid or something?

Anonymous said...

When someone yells, "hold your line!" at me, I politely thank them by pulling ahead and blowing a big snot rocket at them.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Friendo re your comment concerning Mr. G-Roc, you observe "I think not." My dog notes that Mr. G-Roc would most likely agree. My dog says he certainly does.

Of course, my dog also tried to convince me that the Toto song referenced earlier was a canine dance number cut from The Wizard of Oz shortly before its release.

It sort of made sense until he claimed that the dance number included the flying monkeys.

Honestly, given all the time it must have taken to teach those monkeys to fly, there was no way they could also have learned dance steps.

I mean, come on, how guillible do I look?

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Dear Anon 4:53 --

Your peroration on pretense
In truth, makes little or no sense
Submitted sans attribution
We wondered: "Whose contribution"?
My dog says: "isn't that Hortense"?

I disagree; you seem relaxed.

Dooth said...

Friendo, empirical evidence is a bitch, just ask Leroy's dog.

leroy said...

Now I know why they were talking about face eating zombies at Strictly Bicycles when I stopped by for an iced coffee and a Sport Beans refill at the end of my ride this morning.

Honestly, BSNYC, you're semi-famous.

Anonymous said...

so, how are you able to snap pix so quickly? stuff like that happens to me but by the time I dig my camera out, boot it, click buttons, aim... it's over.

also: Steve Tilford takes really good quick snaps while riding. You should check his blog sometime.

Anonymous said...

interrupting a cannibal during his "meal" is like wearing your glasses under the straps or having Ergons on a mtb: it´s a no go, basic etiquette there.
In such situations, a decent cyclist simply rides away, shaking his head in dismay.

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Heh. That one anonymous commenter from America's Hoodie, along with a few others from who-knows-where, continue to demonstrate that one need not own a sense of humor in order to be fucking hilarious.

McFly said...

Hortense? Pay her and she will relax and get down to the business.

g-roc said...

Friendo, you've convinced me of the error of my ways. If I see someone eating your face off, I'll be sure to keep riding. I'm sure it falls under the stand your ground law anyway. Don't get involved. That's my new motto.

Joe Parkin's Flowin' Mane said...

Steve Tilford hates gift cards. He doesn't get it. He thinks they are stupid. Unless you get him one from SouthWest Airlines then he is cool with that.

jnorton said...

I was in Brooklyn last weekend, and, had this been my first visit & if I read your blog as my sole source of information, my understanding of the culture would have been fairly accurate. As it was, I kept exclaiming, 'Wow, JUST like BSNYC always says it is: Iowa-bred locals, ubiquitous salmon-ers, Hassidim both nonplussed and aloof, rampant abuse of bike lanes.' Etc. And my host kept wondering why I was talking to myself.
I expected to see you and the three Missuses and seventeen children on your utility bike in Prospect Park making the picnic w/ everyone else. But I guess it's caviar and penthouse for celebrities such as thou... Thanks for enriching the sightseeing.

ce said...

It's good to catch up on the latest posts. I have been away on a cycle tour and my return was delayed due to mechanical troubles. But, thanks to the kindness of strangers I was able to make it safely back home.

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Captain Hardbread said...

This weeks Quiz should ? be interesting .

Timmy Duggan said...

Hey give me some damn credit.....

Anonymous said...

Really? You people are plussed about this?

maybe it's one of those "You don't come from Florida, don't come to Florida" things.

Hsr Ln Wf said...

IN CNADA U GET TW LNIES 4 One TWne

Comment detested said...

This comment has been banished by the management. It's for your own good, too, so don't get all pissy about it.

Reggie said...

Dear Bike Snob Wild Cat,
You are the best. I am comforted by your consistent hilarity. Thank you.

Tepid Karl said...

So I'm bike touring FLA and I stops to take a bit of a nap and when I wakes up me fook'in face is gone. I'm from Austrailiakastan and I lost my wallet too. So can ya help me out here?

Oh! Yeah! I'm saving up for a Trek Madone 5.999 so if ya could lend me $12,000 I would sure appreciate it. Give me your address and I'll wire you the money as soon as I get back home.

Touring on an aluminium frame is a bitch man! Oh the agony!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Dennis Hopper said...

Canada, it will totally blow your mind, man. I mean, people seem to actually like it there. People with big ideas, man. Visions.

Anonymous said...

wiwm,

I'm on the non-Canadian side of the pond, and I thought about that for quite a while! If I can be arsed, I'll hava a look at a dictionary later on.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Heyho friendo! Can I bend u over-o? Just want to evaluate? the evidence-(o)

Anonymous said...

I love how you show Ian's picture twice...hilarious..

Anonymous said...

Gigantic Tits, God's apology to fat girls.

David said...

If that indignant emailer knew as much about apostrophes and the rules of capitalization as he pretends to know about geography and the structure of comic prose, we might take him more seriously. But just as well. What's the big advantage of taking sh*t seriously?

Snooderton Thnooderton said...

There's a scammer here in Vancouver, BC that collects enamel pins claiming that he's fundraising for bike paths. None of the proceeds ever go to cycling.
Oh well. Folks do stuff.

bikesgonewild said...

...it's tough to develop a sense of humor whilst growing up in canada...

...for instance: when i was a kid i was told there were two things i hadda do to become a man...

...one was to wrestle a grizzly bear & the other was to fuck an inuit (eskimo) woman...

...i set out on my own & came back all cut up, beat up & bloody & i said "...okay, now where's that eskimo woman i'm s'possed to wrestle..."...

...needless to say, there's not much humor growing up that way...

Anonymous said...

That Australian annoyed the sh*t out of us for days a couple of years ago while we were touring down the pacific coast. I saw him again last year while I was driving from Hood River Oregon over Mt. Hood. Anybody who gave that guy money is a fool, we could tell he was full of shit from the beginning. Every time we thought we were rid of him he would pop up at camp, usually late at night and piss drunk. What a guy

amabel87654 said...

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Mikes,
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Robert said...

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