Friday, June 22, 2012

BSNYC Friday Illegible Piece of Paper That You Found In Your Pants Pocket!

What is censorship?

Technically, this image is censored:


Yet is it not far more titillating than this image, which is technically not censored, and which in fact reduces the picture entirely to its forbidden elements?


The above illustration reveals something profound about perception, context, culture, marketing, and societal taboos, but it's Friday and I refuse to expend the mental effort to work out exactly what that is.

Speaking of mental effort, the world is apparently full of people who either refuse or are simply unable to expend any regardless of what day of the week it is.  For example, the other day I mentioned an article about speed cameras in New York City, and recently I noticed the following comment:

Yes, I understand 30mph, I understand to stay out of a lane that is now a bike lane, I no longer can drive down Broadway into Times Square, I can not travel through Central Park to make up for time to get to the theater or a meeting. If New York has money for all these changes... How come more than 85 percent of the roads and bridges are in worst shape than ever! I get a ticket and pay for it... fix the roads and highways I recieved the citation on and DON'T take all decade to do so.

It's good to know the reason we still don't have a car-free Central Park is that douchebags don't want to be late to the theater.  Complaining about how hard it is to get to the theater on time in your car is like complaining about how you're always late for your reservation at Le Bernardin because the city doesn't provide adequate mooring for your yacht.  What is it with drivers complaining about being late, anyway?  Sure, I realize they refuse to take any personal responsibility for running people over, but the least they could do is admit that they have poor time management skills.

Meanwhile, in Australia, things are getting increasingly sucky for cycling, and a number of readers inform met that the State Government of Victoria has now eliminated its bike infrastructure budget.  This compelled riders in Melbourne to unfurl the Blue Ribbon of Shame outside the Parliament House:



Whether it's mandatory helment laws, budget cuts, or mocking dooring victims on national television, it's good to see that Australia is committed to remaining at the forefront of bicycle subjugation.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with an quiz.  As always, study the items, think, and click on your  answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see something Australian, forwarded by a reader.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the "week end."



--Wildcat Rock Machine






1) Seasoned veteran Dmitry Fofonov will lead Astana at this year's Tour de France.

--True
--False






("Yaw come back now, ya hear?")

2) Mavic's new CXR 80 wheelset features:

--Poor wet weather braking performance
--A stick-on fairing that is not legal in UCI competition
--A revolutionary new wind tunnel-derived round shape
--All of the above








3) A "Portland hit-and-run" is when:

--A cyclist rear-ends a Subaru and then rides away
--A bicycle soup vendor topples a rider on a tall bike and then rides away
--A rider on a Walmart bike rear-ends a rider on a custom bicycle and then makes off with it when they both dismount to exchange bike insurance information
--Two partners engage in hurried intercourse in a Stumptown restroom







4) The social network Strava is being sued because:

--It knowingly misrepresented hill gradients
--A rider died in an attempt to break a Strava "speed record"
--The term "KOM" is a form of gender discrimination
--It does not account for variables such as wind direction, precipitation, and rider equipment






(Bring your bike and plenty of forced irreverence.)

5) Due to "Raphagate," the winner of the 2012 Single Speed World Championship will be required to receive silicone breast implants in lieu of a tattoo.

--True
--False







(Where the fuck is the disembodied hand?!?)

6) Which has not been put forth recently as an argument against a New York City bike share program?

--New York City was not designed for bicycles
--People who ride bikes already own them
--Bike share costs drivers free parking spaces
--Public bicycles aid in the spread of Staphylococcus and herpes









7) "Cat 6" races often end in:

--Crashes
--Friendship
--Tears
--Snot rockets




***Special Maybe-You're-Just-Getting-Old-Themed Bonus Question***



(Get off his lawn.)

Fill in the blank:

"I’ve biked dozens of American states and all over western Europe, and nowhere else have I encountered a cycling culture so cutthroat, vicious, reckless, hostile, and violently competitive as ________."

--New York's
--London's
--Melbourne's
--Portland's


95 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great lead out!!!

Anonymous said...

Strava KOM

Anonymous said...

3rd?

leogodoy said...

Yay.

Senior Contento said...

Quatro

Anonymous said...

so close to podium!

cycle

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

My panties are censored!

Dix Dix said...

Dix?

Anonymous said...

More panties!

Anonymous said...

Utilitarian comment for the top ten. Now to read the post

JB said...

The babe!

Anonymous said...

"Thanks mate!",...indeed

Cipo said...

face pootie tang

Anonymous said...

I peed my panties in Portland!

Chester_mc_Cheeseburger said...

If the respective winners of the SSWC don't get the the tattoo, they get a DNF. Not even a last place relegation!

There are enough high-strung Cat6 Industrial Park crit world champions in the UCI/USAC already. They don't need to infect the SSWC.

RANTWICK said...

No surprise on the bonus question. You ever watch cycling youtube stuff from the UK? Some of the cyclists are camera toting vigilantes and the drivers are totally pissy too. Plus, their bike lanes look to be about two feet wide alot of the time.

Der Zoots said...

Posting from the train. Too hot to ride! :(

Surly Bastard said...

I feel like a twenty-something again ...

McFly said...

Stay on the grass.

JB said...

I got my big SUV so that if I'm really late to the opera I can just drive directly across Central Park, roads be damned.

Chief Wiggum said...

There's nothing like the entitlement of someone stung for a ticket they fully deserved. Probably the money went into the NYPD donut fund rather than the highway fund.

Buffalo Bill said...

Thanks for the (dual) recumbabe chasers snob. Quiz was almost too easy this week though.

Canyonero! said...

To the theater! whoopcha!

Jasper said...

Rantwick - never mind the bike lanes, a lot of the streets in the UK are only two feet wide. Not designed for cars, nor bikes, just slop canals on the whole.

Anonymous said...

+1 to RANTWICK's comment. I was visiting in 2005 (and biked in the city) The sprint from the stop at intersections would even drop Lucas Brunelle.

The Public Editor said...

The Atlantic piece might be verging on true, but it is horribly snide and overwritten.

DING BELL said...

Nothing like a smattering of dinging bike bells to register the anger of the demonstration participants.

That frightened me!

James said...

Yellow redneck yall!!!

Chonny Hoogerland-ah said...

To Public Editor:

Sir or Ma'am,

I LIKE horribly snide and overwritten, otherwise I would never read this blog.

Plus, today we get the Twin Moons of Recumbabe to ponder, which is cool.

Stare at them until you feel blissed out and relaxed.

Chef Boyardouche' said...

Bacon, beef, chhese and onion panties ...

Captain Hardbread said...

Great Gazoooooo!

JB said...

Jasper, you leave the ddrunken English women out of this.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Peek-a-recumBOOBS!

Bobby 'taCOMA' Jonez said...

Hi. This is Bobby Jonez, taCOMA, WA USofA, age 12 and severely over-hormoned. I was sitting in my room listening to Black Sabbath, 'turning japanese' and grooving on industrial strength cleaning product vapours when I happened upon the two recumbabe pictures. Being fhotoshop facile I combined the two and I have to say that for her age and road mileage recumbabe is utterly and totally recumable.


fap fap fap fap spurlch splatt!!!

Anonymous said...

A completely stellar week Snob....chapeau!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

just substitute 'cyclist' in the bonus question with NYC fred/hilpster (fredster?), and substitute london with NYC and the article rings truer.

bloke makes a good argument against CitiBike!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

"but it is horribly snide and overwritten"... which is why it sounds great... just do this, when you read it, put on your best yorkshire accent!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

snob, i will never believe you when you say that you are barely employed and your blogging is not a real job...
how in hell can you stand going through comments, which you sometimes do, on a post in bikeportland and not vomit your guts out?

Anonymous said...

Meh, that's just Londoners for you.

The Public Editor said...

Londoners are all snide and overwritten? I'll buy that...
Chonny H, I think you are doing WRM a disservice; his sardonic touch is lighter than that Lionel geezer.

Jasper said...

@JB "you leave the drunken English women out of this"
Ouch, that'll be handbags at dawn if one of them catches you.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

So what kind of motorcycling bike did you used to ride Wildcat?

leroy said...

Woof.

mikeweb said...

I believe that CL missed connections ad has uncovered (yet another) weird, disgusting fetish: Great Gazoo fans that enjoy fit women blowing shots onto them.

Leave it to New York...

In other news, it looks like leroy's dog snuck onto his computer again. Watch out everyone.

P. Bateman said...

would it be at all possible to commission a photo shoot with an actual hot chick in a recumbent? i say commission the photo because obviously no attractive person has even given consideration to riding one. I do appreciate the tingly titilizing feelings that arise from a properly censored photo, but i just wish you were censoring something worth looking at.

Maybe you could hold a contest whereby female fans of BSNYC submit their photo?

I'd have to think at least one attractive gal out there actually reads this crap.

leroy said...

Anyone seen my dog?

We were supposed to ride in together, but he dropped me.

Said he was late for something.

I'm not buying it.

He loves the theater, but always comes late.

(He also gets too hungry for dinner at eight. On the other hand, he loves to bother with people he hates.)

Ride safe all!

Cipo said...

The Cipo wonders ...

when recumbabe is riding into the wind ...

Is there a whistling sound?


todays new Cipo vocabulary word is ...

'clitatosis'

Babe Winkledouche' said...

So what kind of motorcycling bike did you used to ride Wildcat?


Back in the day I sold snob a pink Vespa. Told him it belonged to Tiny Tim but it really didn't. Or hadn't.

He also owned this hideous yellow Saab. Two stroke I believe.

JB said...

How dare you insult Recumbabe, Patrick Bateman. Leave.

McFly said...

I bet he had a NightHawk. He seems like a NightHawk kind of guy.

mikeweb said...

I say the Vincent Black Shadow. That's a bike with literary pedigree.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yea, you're probably right McFly. We know how he likes Trans-Ams and the iroc-Z from back in the day.

WPVelo said...

wait whut...starts with Recumbabe (and tasty bits neatly sneaked in)

finishes with granpa Eastwood pointing a piece...!

FANTASTIC! can't get any better than this. nows to go read the bit in the middle-the soft gooey center of the cookie yo

McFly said...

Definately a sub-750 cc inline four. Possibly a twin, a "girlbike" if you will. I have no room to talk, I put about 11 trillion miles on an '85 Honda Shadow 500 V Twin. Wish I still had it.

bikesgonewild said...

...somebody's dog would 'hate(s) california - it's cold & it's damp' - at least today here in nor-cal it is...

...overcast, windy & chilly...yep, it is june...

WPVelo said...

oh yeah and they found the car with which the local cyclist was hit and runned upon last weekend. no word yet on the condition of the rider. this will be our second h/r prosecution in less than a year (smallville).

Anonymous said...

so what's to keep the street racer-moto division from "strava-driven" contesting?

this could get really frenzied.

Anonymous said...

Stravasshole!

Quilled and Lugged said...

bgw - remember Tuesday? That was nice... I think the East Coast stole our summer, from all the complaints there seem to be about the heat over there.

In My Off Road Dreams said...

when i win the SSWC (it needs to be like 9,000 miles closer to home, and i need to be like 90-percent faster, but then when that happens)

i'll _get the tattoo_

because i don't have one and it'll be like "Hey-FREE TATTOO".

And there's your next reality tv show.

Anonymous said...

recumbabe is a poser.

puff the magic cannabinoids said...

hey look what central time it is...

bikesgonewild said...

...here are the lyrics from richard thompson's amazing, delightful & very moving epic - 1952 Vincent Black Lightning...

...Oh, says Red Molly to James, "That's a fine motorbike
A girl could feel special on any such like"
Says James to Red Molly, "My hat's off to you
It's a Vincent Black Lightning, 1952"

And I've seen you at the corners and cafes it seems
Red hair and black leather, my favorite color scheme
And he pulled her on behind
And down to Box Hill, they did ride

Oh, says James to Red Molly, "Here's a ring for your right hand
But I'll tell you in earnest I'm a dangerous man
For I've fought with the law since I was seventeen
I robbed many a man to get my Vincent machine

Now I'm twenty-one years, I might make twenty-two
And I don't mind dying, but for the love of you
And if fate should break my stride
Then I'll give you my Vincent to ride"

"Come down, come down, Red Molly," called Sergeant McRae
"For they've taken young James Adie for armed robbery
Shotgun blast hit his chest, left nothing inside
Oh, come down, Red Molly to his dying bedside"

When she came to the hospital, there wasn't much left
He was running out of road, he was running out of breath
But he smiled to see her cry
And said I'll give you my Vincent to ride

Says James, "In my opinion, there's nothing in this world
Beats a 52 Vincent and a red headed girl
Now Nortons and Indians and Greeves's won't do
Ahh, they don't have a soul like a Vincent 52"

Oh, he reached for her hand then he slipped her the keys
He said, "I've got no further use for these
I see angels on Ariels, in leather and chrome
Swooping down from heaven to carry me home"

And he gave her one last kiss and died
And he gave her his Vincent to ride
...

...there are plenty of reasons to appreciate richard thompson's music but i think this song is the quintessential one...

bikesgonewild said...

...quilled n' lugged...yep- tues was a scorcher & now this...

...i heard it was so hot in nyc that mayor bloomberg went to new jersey to buy a big gulp !!!...(butta boop)...(i stole that line - but i thought it was great)...

leroy said...

Hot in NYC today. So hot, the junkies were wearing short sleeves.

(I borrowed that one. Wasn't worth stealing.)

Comment deleted said...

Master Bateman,

I hear what you're saying... 'Babe's severe expression just endroopenates, doesn't it? Kind of reminds me of Yoko Ono.

Sorry for the image.

Dooth said...

Who will solve the mystery of Snob's motorcycle?
http://christianwerner.org/categories/photography/undercover-20112012/page-2/

sTONEdEADLAND said...

SUPER-stoked to see Richard Thompson next week in NorCal!

I'm thinking WRM was palping a Puch with pedals (pettles).

bikesgonewild said...

...nice catch, stonedeadland (capitalize as necessary)...

...work keeps me from all those gigs but the kate wolf memorial music festival would be the place i'd love to hear the lads music...

...if you would, send him a 'bgw vibe' from the heart when he does that song...

McFly said...

Wow. Channel 5 out of Nashville just did a little segment on the dangers of cycling there. Look at us. Prediction: They will be all over the TennesSEE A CYCLIST slogan.

Third Stoned from the Sun said...

I know that I made a promise not to ...

but ...

I forgot ...

So ...

How do I know that I'm high?

Anonymous said...

dead last

rural 14 said...

Ant lastest
Why can't we all get along?
Oh, right.

Anonymous said...

In an increasingly modified world of silicone...Recumbabe's breast fall so gracefully around the curvature of her sternum/ribs.

bikesgonewild said...

...third stoned from the sun...

...to answer your question -
"when...the...moon hits your eye,
like a big pizza pie,
'at's..."
...oh, wait...that's 'amore', not high...

...damn, amigo...it's been so long since i was high, i don't remember how to tell any more...sorry...

George Thoroughgood said...

When your mouth is dry you're plenty high.....

jimbo said...

Not sure if Lionel is actually caught in an ill-tempered race, or if everyone else is just quicker than her? In London you learn to ride with the pace of traffic if you don't fancy repeated close passes by bus/white van drivers.

Non-Londoners might like to know that before the cycle superhighway was put in (narrowing the area left for cars) the Embankment was essentially a highway with a very nominal 30 mph speed limit, so any idea of "wending" your way along it would have been suicide.

There's a certain type of London cyclist that hates the idea that normal office workers are cycling these days, instead of just bohemian writer types like herself. It's just intellectual hipsterism.

Non-Londoners said...

WE DON'T GIVE A ---- ABOUT WHAT GOES ON IN LONDON. GO CHECK ON YOUR DAMN BRIDGE.

jimbo said...

I just went and checked the bridge - It's fine! What are you, some kind of time waster?

Non-Londoners said...

I am sorry for that outburst, jealousy is such an ugly emotion. Overnight me a pair of Liz Hurleys' panties and I will send you Jennifer Anistons' old Custom Selle Italia Turbo.

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob, how can you send us to so degrading (to read) an article as this one in the Atlantic? Such flagrant abuse of consonance should not be accepted or condoned, ever.

"derailleur delirium
couch crumpets
Saluki-slim
potbellied punters
prance pigeon-toed"

I'm an economist and no literary snob, but this is embarassing.
-Anonymous 3:16

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob, how can you send us to so degrading (to read) an article as this one in the Atlantic? Such flagrant abuse of consonance should not be accepted or condoned, ever.

"derailleur delirium
couch crumpets
Saluki-slim
potbellied punters
prance pigeon-toed"

I'm an economist and no literary snob, but this is embarassing.
-Anonymous 3:16

Douche' 'Pizza Face' Douche'stein said...

HEY Uber Furher Bloomberg ...

If ya can't stand the heat ...

then get your face out of the fire.

Anonymous said...

"your damn bridge"

now that wuz funny.

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Anyone know of any bike safety or just intro to biking classes in Park slope/ Kensington? I'm looking for general riding tips and good lock selection I've chosen the best online but still keep having my bike stolen. Any good places in the area would help.

PedalPunk V.I.C. said...

Update from Melbourne - Victorian State Government's ingenious attempt to make the whole "We aren't spending a dime on bicycling infrastructure this year despite what we said last year when Cadel won the Tour" go away.


http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/fitzroy-cyclists-get-traffic-priority-20120625-20ywi.html

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