Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Mild Years: It's a Fine Line Between Slowing Down and Falling Over


A wise man once said:

"I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day... now I'm lucky to find half an hour a week in which to get funky."

I know how he feels, for I too have joined the half-an-hour-a-week-at-best-of-funk demographic.  For example, believe it or not, there was once a time when I owned a motorcycle.  Now I don't.  See, it's easy to have a motorcycle when your life is relatively uncomplicated, and it's also easy to have one if you're part of the "Wild Hogs" demographic, but when you lie someplace in the middle and you don't have a driveway you eventually come to terms with the fact that you simply don't have time to deal with stuff like this:


These are the sorts of scenes you awake to when you keep a motorcycle in New York, and I passed this one this past weekend.  I'm no crash reconstruction expert, but my best guess is that the motorcycle was parked between the two cars, and the one behind it got rammed in the night by a drunken clubgoer (or, if you prefer, rammed in the night like a drunken clubgoer), thus crushing the poor motorcycle:


I'm surprised New York City bicyclists and New York City motorcyclists don't share more of an affinity for each other, because they are subject to many of the same indignities, including returning to your bike only to find it maimed, destroyed, or missing altogether.  Also, pretty much every type of cyclist has a motorcycling counterpart, and the only real difference between, say, a fixed-gear rider and a guy on a cafe racer is that the latter actually uses brakes.

Something else I no longer do is wait on line for anything for any reason, especially if it's 100 degrees, and especially especially if that line is in Williamsburg, like this one I passed yesterday:


(Nothing good could be at the end of a line in Williamsburg.)

The line stretched for blocks and blocks in either direction, and I have no idea what it was for, though by the looks of the crowd I'm guessing Justin Bieber was at the end of it:


Incidentally, the reason I was riding through Williamsburg is that I was going to Queens, because sometimes in life you just have to go to Queens.  I've been making this particular inter-borough schlep for many years now, and the changes during that time have been profound.  In the negative column, most of it is now lined with overpriced condos and overpriced dining establishments, and even the hipsters have been almost entirely displaced by the legions of the nüveaux riches, which is arguably the worser of the two evils.  In the positive column, the route is now thoroughly bike-laned, and you can travel pretty much the entire Brooklyn/Queens "Big Skanky" waterfront by bicycle in a relatively leisurely and stress-free manner.  ("Back in the Day," if I needed to go to Queens, the trip was so unpleasant I used to bypass the Northern portion of Brooklyn altogether and simply ride through Manhattan.)

Yet another thing I'm not really able to do anymore (as much as I might want to) is travel extremely long distances just to engage in the act of recreational bicycle cycling, as I was reminded when I received an email about the next Single Speed World Championships:


The race will be in South Africa somewhere, but as far as I'm concerned it might as well be on the surface of Venus.  Also, in order to qualify, you have to "enjoy a party," and I haven't enjoyed a party since Hot Skates circa 1982.  (Those birthday parties were awesome.)  The sad fact is that, as a singlespeed mountain bike enthusiast, my career has officially reached the "Wild Hogs" phase, since I have a fancy-shmancy custom derailleur-free all-terrain bicycle that rarely gets to leave Long Island:


Incidentally, the only change I've made to this bicycle since taking delivery is putting a Brooks saddle on it, for after Eric "The Chamferer" Murray made me one I wound up with an extra.  It was mostly just an experiment, but as it turns out the Brooks has a certain old-timey boingy quality that complements irregular surface bicycle cycling in a way I didn't expect.  It also clashes delightfully with my much-maligned and much-comfy Ergon grips, and the knowledge that I'm offending numerous people's aesthetic sensibilities makes my rides even more enjoyable.

Speaking of criticism, as New York City braces itself for bike share the moronic protests continue, as in this article which was forwarded to me by a reader:


For example, did you know that New York City was never designed for "biking?"

Mike Ray, a manager at Ray Beauty Supply on Eighth Avenue, said he was concerned that the lanes are hurting business. They’ve cut on down on parking and hindered the ability of delivery trucks to access his storefront, he said.


“New York City was never designed for biking,” he said.

If you ever happen stop into Ray Beauty Supply for some hair rollers or a curling iron, I hope you'll do so by bicycle.  I also hope that you'll explain to Mike Ray that the first bike path in the United States is actually in Brooklyn, New York and was built in 1894.  Meanwhile, here's what a car looked like back then:


Nobody was designing shit for these things.  Actually, the New York City street grid plan was conceived in 1811, and here are just a few things they probably didn't take into account when they designed it:

--Cars, trucks, buses, motorcycles and bicycles
--Subway trains
--Airports
--Electricity
--Sewer and water mains
--Ray's Beauty Supply

Logically then we should get rid of all of these things along with bike share, and if anything we should institute a historically accurate horse share system.  We should also put it to a vote--but women shouldn't be allowed to vote, since New York City wasn't designed for women's suffrage.

Another evergreen anti-bike share sentiment is the "people who ride bikes already have them" complaint:


James Yeh questioned whether the bike-sharing program’s intended audience is enough to sustain it.


“Most of the people I know already ride their bikes and have their own,” said the 29-year-old fiction writer and copy editor from Brooklyn. “It seems recreational. If you were really serious, you’d buy your own.”

Saying there shouldn't be bike share because "serious" riders already have their own bikes is like saying there shouldn't be car rental companies because "serious" drivers already have their own cars, or that there shouldn't be public libraries because "serious" readers already have their own private libraries.  I wonder if, as a fiction writer, James Yeh has ever visited a library.  I also wonder if he has a Netfix account or enjoys cable TV or even goes to the movies.  If so, he must only be recreationally interested in movies.  If he were a serious film buff, he'd have his own film library and screening room.

Yes, "serious" commuters should have "serious" bicycles--like this one, which a reader tells me is his friend's commuter:


It's a real shame Softride didn't win the New York City bike share bid.

127 comments:

Chip O'Leany said...

Eating pussy.

McFly said...

I just set a reserve bid of $450.00 on a Liz Hatch Chamois on the Ebay. It's scratch and sniff Thursday beechez.

P. Bateman said...

there should be a secret question for each post that you have to answer in order to make the podium, otherwise you can just scroll down and post first without actually reading. not fair.

Chriam said...

Beat out at the line!

Kenny said...

WEATHER ALERT: IF YOU GO OUTSIDE TODAY, YOU WILL LIKELY ENCOUNTER WEATHER!

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

Top Ten

Anonymous said...

Yep said Bekräftelse.

Anonymous said...

Where's the 100-pound scrotum?

amy johnson said...

Top 10. Slow to react today.

mikeweb said...

McFly podiums!

Not bad coming right behind Cipollini. What, that doesn't sound right...

Anonymous said...

Panting

leogodoy said...

Damn reading, made me miss the top 10.

Artisanal Pain said...

Asleep at the wheel! I only realised after I read the piece that there were zero comments and I could have won but "Chip" gets the win eating pussy?

how unfair!

Doug said...

New York City wasn't designed for blogs.

Mike in Dallas said...

Let the bikelash begin! Here in Dallas, it's "Those damn bikers!", so bikelash or not, we're lashed!

GG Allin said...

Some pre-car NY bike history for you, Snobby. Dig the last picture. "Lovely!'"

http://blog.nyhistory.org/new-york-cyclists-and-the-orange-riding-district/

singlespeedwaster said...

Thursday weediness! Top 20?

Anonymous said...

Man, I'd get on the surface of Venus any day. Wooooeee! She is hot!

What? She passes a lot of gas?

Phfffft!

Anonymous said...

Bateman,
The secret question is "How bad do I want the virtual online victory?" There is no Genitaliamans Agreement.

RANTWICK said...

I almost backed over a motorcycle parked behind my vehicle yesterday... it was below my rear window and I couldn't see it. Some dude on the sidewalk yelled "woah" at me and saved the day. Thanks dude.

Anonymous said...

Whoa! Mid-pack fodder and I didn't even read it yet. Top XXV?

Anonymous said...

I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the concept of "recreational cycling." I understand that racing probably wouldn't be considered recreational riding and you mentioned before that what the Dutch do is "utilitarian" riding so I'm confused. I ride to the store for a half gallon of milk, I enjoy it. I ride to work, I enjoy it. I ride, I enjoy it. Please, Bike Snob could you explain it for us some day?

Anonymous said...

z90 first!

Anonymous said...

OK, so more like Z90 24th.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

i'm a serious commenter... i don't borrow comments from anyone.

Dr. Ironic Donothing said...

We here at the Tilford Institute of Douche'anomical Studies are exremely and snuggly elated to announce ...

Douche' World Championships


If you enjoy a party in your pants (or panties) you've already qualified

Cipo said...

face panties

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:33pm,

If you got something done it's utilitarian. If you didn't it's recreational. Enjoyment is irrelevant.

--Wldcat Rock Machine

Bod said...

Dead dog's womb

Focus said...

"Even the hipsters have been almost entirely displaced by the legions of the nüveaux riches"

The Abercrombites if you will.

Focus said...

"Even the hipsters have been almost entirely displaced by the legions of the nüveaux riches"

The Abercrombites if you will.

Anonymous said...

Great comment from the Bloomberg article: “There are 8.4 million New Yorkers, and I’ve come to believe there are 8.4 million traffic engineers,” Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan

Buffalo Bill said...

That softride abomination deserves a recumbabe chaser, don't you think?

Invisible Man said...

Looking at that last bike, the only thing I can think about is how one day that seatpost (or whatever it is) is going to give way mid-ride and that is potentially going to be a very uncomfortable landing on a fast-spinning wheel for the rider.

Invisible.

Captain Hardbread said...

(Nothing good could be at the end of a line in Williamsburg.)oh so true, but back in the day the end of a goocd line was a kokie's not that I'm into that
just sayin

Marcel Da Chump said...

No more parties on my bike, just bike parts.

Anonymous said...

Dead last

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 12:11, where is the 100 lb. scrotum? The answer is Vegas, baby. The dude lives in Vegas. Every disturbing story has a Vegas connection.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:33,

Hope you don't mind my drafting here.

Utilitarian cycling inevitably crosses paths with John Stuart Mill, as he wrote the book on Utilitarianism.

His reply, cycling where "the useful is the good and that the determining consideration of
right conduct should be the usefulness of its consequences."

OBA said...

Hot Skates was for chumps - we went to Laces.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM3m-bRCDJo

Anonymous said...

No, I'm dead last, but enjoyed the post, so I'm a recreational commentator I guess.

grog said...

Was the brewery giving away samples? I would queue for that.

I will check out a Citibike as my blowback to the bikelash.

BIKE LASH
BLOW BACK
MORE BABE

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"inter-borough schlep"

-Nice.

leroy said...

My dog observed that I was not designed for cycling.

But that's not stopping me.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Because sometimes in life you just have to go to Queens."

Erudite words by which to live your life.

Anonymous said...

My guess is that the line was for the enlightened cyclist book signing. Why else would you have been there?

Meh

Dooth said...

That Williamsburg line was for a rent-stabilized apartment in Manhattan.

Anonymous said...

"the knowledge that I'm offending numerous people's aesthetic sensibilities makes my rides even more enjoyable"

You are the...

ANTI FRED

BIKE SNOB

iron_bike_ditka said...

Last year's SSWC winners were a couple of first-class cowards and wouldn't get the tattoo.

Simple rule: Decline the tattoo, be relegated to last.

USAC/UCI is the place for pansies who refuse the tattoo not the SSWC.

Why are you hating on the softride? Next thing you know you'll whine about my y-foil.

Anonymous said...

“Most of the people I know already ride their bikes and have their own,” said the 29-year-old fiction writer and copy editor from Brooklyn. “It seems recreational. If you were really serious, you’d buy your own.” -Great example of someone talking out of their ass. Many people in DC who walk to work or ride public transportation in the morning take the bike share home at night. Try using the Capital bike share a on Friday evening.

bikesgonewild said...

...alsop softrides are actually pretty cool once you learn not to go all 'oingo boingo' on 'em...

...the one pictured is tri-geekish though...slap a pair of drop bars on it...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

I have slightly mixed feelings about the nyc bikeshare system, all of them selfish:

- indeed i already own a commuter bike which I've painstakingly curated to the point of perfection (to me) and now this stupid bike share system makes all of that work meaningless (well even more meaningless). Now I can just rent a bike everyday at one of the many stations and ride that back and forth to work.

- I've had 3 bikes stolen in NYC over the past few years, why did it take them so long to come up with a bike share. would have saved me money on new bikes.

- I don't want any more bad cyclists on the road. seriously, if i get shoaled by one more dbag on a folding bike I'm going to going to kill someone.

- I won't be able to access Ray's beauty supplies as easily when making deliveries.

Anonymous said...

Anon 3:32,

Nice to know the bike share programs are popular.

Today's armchair quarterback day for the antibike folks.

Captain Hardbread said...

-Im a gonna oingo boingo on 'em-

ashcroftchops said...

Top 60!..... Im getting good at this :-)

Cipo said...

breakfast panties. ...

luncheon panties ...


So, whats for dinner?

Quilled and Lugged said...

"If you got something done it's utilitarian. If you didn't it's recreational. Enjoyment is irrelevant.

--Wldcat Rock Machine"

Does that apply to recreational drugs too?

James said...

Ouch... As an occasional (not serious) reader of your blog, it's disheartening to find myself the object of your ire (yes, I do believe in libraries and Netflix).

At any rate, the Businessweek quote has already been the subject of some debate amongst some of my friends and I, but the gist is that I am hopeful but somewhat ambivalent about the ultimate success of the bike share in NYC, though certainly not against having such a thing, which the article seems to imply. Do I think I will use it? Probably not. But do I think it's a bad thing? That's crazy. I would say that, if fostering a more pro-bike-friendly city is the goal, there may be more successful ways of focusing the city's (or perhaps just Citibank's?) resources. In the UK, for instance, a friend was telling me commuters can get substantial discounts--40-50%--to buy their own bikes, with a bit of paperwork and a note saying they commute. It's this kind of usage--commuting--that I was thinking of when I used the word “serious.” (The term “utilitarian,” it occurs to me now, might be a better one, or maybe “pragmatic.")

For someone who's visiting from out of town and wants to ride in Central Park, I think the share is a great idea. As far as the commenter who talked about people in DC taking the train to work and biking after work, that sounds great too. Both pleasurable and convenient. I’ll add another possible use for the share: friends who want to bike but who haven’t yet been able to invest in their own, due to money, time, or effort issues. They’d also be benefit from the share. These are the “recreational” users to which I referred: occasional riders.

Ultimately, I’m a tad annoyed that the quote was taken out of context, which I suppose what reporters are forced to do to try to make a point. A more accurate framing of the conversation, to my mind, would have not so firmly placed my opinions on the negative side. The majority of our conversation consisted of her asking me about my commuting habits and why I chose to bike. To that extent, I distinctly remember saying how I believed biking in the city to be a "fun" and "environmentally-conscious," though somewhat dangerous activity: all things that would, if anything, I hoped would at least imply a certain, general, support for the improvement of NYC bike infrastructure, not to mention the proliferation of bikes--even ones as ugly and corporately-tagged as these!

Best,

James

wishiwasmerckx said...

James, TLDNR.

Toodles.

bikesgonewild said...

...jeez...if you have trouble sleeping this evening, read james' comment...

...it'll put you right out...

...just sayin'...

Dooth said...

What's the big deal? New York's bike share program has been around all my life ( since Mayor Lindsay), albeit an involuntary one.

James said...

OK, how's this for brevity:

I was misrepresented in the article.

Peace.

Anonymous said...

If I was serious, I'd have my own blog instead of curating it here in the comments section.

Kokie said...

Stuff it James. Now everybody just hates you more.

Robert said...

Well the bike lanes are there regardless of the bike share.....

Anonymous said...

I don't hate you James. Well said.

McFly said...

Dear James,
You should have put your OUCH at the end of your disertation.

Anonymous said...

Thoughtful reply, James.

I am shocked, SHOCKED that business week would take a quote out of context.

Anonymous said...

I've been to Ray's Beauty a few times, and yes I arrived by bike. I wouldn't have gone there if I had had to take a car.

Business Week said...

James, who appeared a tad annoyed and believes he'll probably never use the bike sharing program because of corporate advertising and it's inherent danger, also speculated that commuters in the UK get 40-50% discount on bikes because they are essentially more 'serious' than the Fredtastic riders here in Canada's recreational underpants.

Anonymous said...

A little concerned about the safety of people using such bike share problems:

Legal issues: bike share programs encouraging them to break traffic laws and endanger themselves.

Poor traffic skillz?

What of the ever important healment?

It can't be reasonable to ask them to rent a healment with a bike, let alone wear one.

Perhaps a written test, waiver, and mandatory healment proffering will solve such issues.

Such requirements wil no doubt enable those to enjoy the freedom and exciteent of riding a bicycle

EnglishSnobHouseCatWordMachine said...

"Worser?" Really? I thought you New Yorkers, in addition to being intensely professional, knew how to talk good. (Yes, I know the difference between an adjective and an adverb. Just seeing who else does.) The thing is, you make a word into a comparative by adding -er, as in Cadel Evans' wife is prettier than Andy Schleck. The word "worse," however, is an exception to the rule because it is already a comparative: bad, worse, worst. Get it together, dude!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Well, if you want to take the argument to its logical conclusion, NY wasn't designed for white people, either, no matter what Walt Whitman says. Okay, the city was, but not the land (assuming there's still some land down there under the sewage, garbage, and the remains of Rudy Giulian's dignity), so we all need to schlep back to Europe or Israel or Kentucky or whatever other godforsaken backwater our ancestors came from before they stole the place from the natives. Either that, or share the goddamn bikes like civilized heathen!

Anonymous said...

An adequate film library or book library both cost way more than a decent bike, not to mention the cost of the apartment to store them in. A bike, on the other hand--well, you get a decent one for a couple of hundred bucks and hang it on your shower curtain rod. I think the people who say most (not all, but most) people who want to ride already have a bike.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't find that Liz Hatch chamois on Ebay anywhere!

Vegas said...

EngrishSlob: read Snobby for more than three days and you might realize the extent of his grammatacular and spelltacious failings. Moist of dem seam to b on porpoise and weather they r or nut, they will never stop, and the rest of us would appreciate it if your ilk would refrain from constantly pointing them out, it's waisting valuable funnie comment spaice.

Vegas said...

Snob, I particularly enjoyed the motorenginecyclingbike part, as I own one, and especially enjoyed the "serious" part. Seriously.

Blog Drafter said...

Calm down James. I would say, however, that rarely is such effort made to get one's point across here, a simple "Foff Off" or "Imafuckinkillya" would have sufficed as well as your missive, but it was very well written, quite professional but a bit runned-on, I think.

ken e. said...

pretty good decade, the 80's...

MIZZ REPD

PUNK ROCK
THEC RIBS

RIDE SAFE
SQSH MOTO

Anonymous said...

NEWY ORKS
ANTI BIKE

Am enjoying the constraints inherent in

8LTR SNOB
CMNT CLUB

Grammar Nazi said...

EnglishSnobHouseCatWordMachine said...
"Worser?" Really? I thought you New Yorkers, in addition to being intensely professional, knew how to talk good.


knew how to talk "good"?

Rube...that's supposed to be "well".

McFly said...

Anon 7:07,
I won the bid with my reserve and it was a local pick up. I gently misted the crotch with luekwarm water and am wearing them on my head as I type. I cut "eye holes".

Anonymous said...

comments r 4 sukkas

timex said...

is it weednesday yet?

T.H. Cannabus said...

roll roll
roll yer joint
gently with the paper
merrily merrily merrily merrily
life is



hey you got a lighter?

troll (not warren, nooo not him) said...

if you beat the station to station STRAVA, then you get a week free rentals.

xoom xoom

the night crew said...

man, second shift gets the run of this place eh?

mmmm, Liz Hatch!

Bloomberg's Capo di tutti said...

We here at the Tilford Institute of Transendental Douche'ification feel that James sniveling whiney comments deserve special attention. So we at TITD herefore announce that Businessweek Magazine's entire staff will be 'hot karled' into a submissive state then force fed a NYC bike share bike anally.

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...mcfly...if you ever tire of that 'liz hatch chamois', you can more than recover your costs by selling it to leroy...

...it's my understanding that he wants to make a chew toy for his dog...

Anonymous said...

James: You have a comma splice in your profile.

McFly said...

It will come pre-chewed but Leroy's dog is getting up in years so he probably will not mind at all, like so many baby birdlings.

Cyclin' Missy said...

A classic Homer line. Love it.

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