Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Share Me a River: There Is Such a Thing as a Free Lunch

Firstly, subsequent to yesterday's post, I'd like to thank all the people who took the time to comment, Tweet, and email in order to let me know that Giro d'Italia winner Ryder Hesjedal is in fact a Canadian.  I'd also like to let you know that, believe it or not, I was already well aware of this.  Indeed, attributing the wrong nationality to Hesjedal was what we semi-professional bloggers call, in our oft-inscrutable jargon, a "joke."  If that was unclear, it could be because I'm not very good at making jokes, or because Canadians have difficulty interpreting humor--or, most likely, a combination of the two.

In any case, I only hope Bradley Wiggins doesn't win the Tour de France, since I don't think cyclesport could handle three anglophonic countries who are incredibly touchy about their sole Grand Tour winners.  (Canada and Australia are more than enough, thank you.  The mildest ribbing of Cadel Evans is enough to put a snot bubble in even the toughest Bruce's nostril.)  Fortunately Bradley Wiggins is about as likely to win the Tour de France as Peta Todd is to get a breast reduction, so we should be safe there for the foreseeable future.

Secondly, speaking of "whinging" (as they say in the Land of Wiggins), nobody whinges more profusely than wealthy Brooklynites, who are now complaining that they will lose free car parking spaces to bike share stations:


That's right, parking for dozens of public bikes may mean that one less Brooklyn Heights resident can park an Audi for free:

“Parking is so scarce in Brooklyn Heights, anytime parking has been taken away it causes big concerns,” said Brooklyn Heights Association director Judy Stanton.

New York City cyclists are often stereotyped as a bunch of simpering lefty hipster transplant wussbag David Byrne disciples.  This is patently unfair, for in reality it's only true of something like two-thirds of our cycling population.  New York City drivers, on the other hand, are the real wussbags.  No other group complains more, has more, or expects even more for nothing.  Who spends all that money to live in Brooklyn Heights and then whines about the lack of free parking?  They might as well complain that the city isn't building them free swimming pools.  Just deal with it, or else hitch up your "pants yabbies," open your wallet, and pay for a space.

Then again, I suppose we should feel bad for the people of Brooklyn Heights, since they've been hit hard by the recession and the median sales price for homes is all the way down to $2.6 million:

The median sales price for homes in Brooklyn Heights for Feb 12 to Apr 12 was $2,662,500. This represents a decline of 39%, or $1,700,000, compared to the prior quarter and a decrease of 5.8% compared to the prior year. Sales prices have depreciated 19.3% over the last 5 years in Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn. The median sales price of $2,662,500 for Brooklyn Heights is 432.50% higher than the median sales price for Brooklyn NY. Average listing price for homes on Trulia in Brooklyn Heights was $1,283,140 for the week ending May 16, which represents a decline of 1.8%, or $23,378 compared to the prior week and an increase of 15.8%, or $174,730, compared to the week ending Apr 25. Average price per square foot for homes in Brooklyn Heights was $1,035 in the most recent quarter, which is 222.43% higher than the average price per square foot for homes in Brooklyn.

By the way, real estate in Brooklyn Heights costs $1,035 a square foot, which means that if residents had to pay market rates for the street parking they currently get for free then they'd be looking at well over $180,000 a space--and that doesn't even account for the air rights above their giant SUVs.

Speaking of perks for drivers, besides the free prime real estate the other big one is that if you kill someone while driving you're pretty much guaranteed not to get in any trouble, even if you were doing something illegal at the time.  That's why New Yorkers are outraged--about dangerous cyclists:


A reader forwarded me the above poll results from yesterday's news, and it's reassuring to know that 88% of my neighbors seem to think I'm more dangerous to them on my bike than I am in my car.  (And yes, I do have a car.  But David Byrne doesn't, so it all evens out.)

Speaking of dangerous cycling, you probably are a dangerous cyclist if you have trouble figuring out where your handlebars end, and yesterday I mentioned the following quote from "Bicycling" magazine:

"Two layers of bar tape at the end of each drop creates a tactile signal that alerts you when your hands are getting close to the end of the bar."

Well, if that's not enough of a "tactile signal" for you, you could always try something like this, which was forwarded by another reader:


19.5 inch Georgena Terry Symmetry/Shimano 12 speed road bike - $250 (Greenwich, CT)
Date: 2012-05-29, 10:30AM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]


This is a vintage 19.5 inch frame Georgena Terry Symmetry 12 speed road bike with Shimano components in very good condition for sale for $250 cash at time of pick up in person in Greenwich, CT. Please call Blake at (203)722-____. 



Is that tactile enough for you?


Not only are the levers ideally placed to "alert you when your hands are getting close to the end of the bar," but they're also perfectly positioned for the ensuing panic stop--that is, if you can manage to squeeze them.  As it is, you'd have to do a push-up to actuate the brakes, and it's doubtful that anybody who would ride a bike like this has the upper body mass necessary to pull that off.

[Also, this bike is in Greenwhich, CT, so if you're a Brooklyn Heights resident who's enraged by the threat of bike share stations encroaching on your parking, you should really think about moving there.  It's a bargain compared to Brooklyn Heights with median home sales at just over a million dollars, it's an easy commute, and you'll even get your very own driveway.]

Or, if you want something with more of a professional pedigree and don't need the "tactile signal," you could go with this bike, forwarded by yet another reader:




giant pedigree road bike - $100 (lake saint louis)
Date: 2012-05-29, 6:47PM CDT
Reply to: [deleted]


For sale sale 1 very fast Giant pedigree road bike. It is the model Wayne Gretsky rode in tje 1998 Tour De Spain. Both tires are flat and if you touch the chain you will get grease on you. The brakes squeeked. So I oiled them they dont seem to work very good. May need adjustment. Bike has unlimited speed, the faster you move your legs the faster the bike goes! Never been on any ramps or popped wheelies. Would be perfect for some hipster to ride around on while listening to an ipod. Price is firm, seeing how I havent seen one like this for sale before. 

I'm fairly sure Wayne Gretzky never even rode in the Vuelta.  Someone should really send the seller an email.

113 comments:

RANTWICK said...

hey hey!

leifer said...

podium!

g-roc said...

Really? Schleckin' it.

Captain Hardbread said...

weed

me said...

Top 10! Beaten in the sprint.

RANTWICK said...

Wayne Gretzky is also a Canadian.

TWO famous Canadian cyclists now! Wait, there's some other guy...

Anonymous said...

TOP TEN!! YESSS!!

thegock said...

WNDY WEED

Anonymous said...

oOoh!! and W33D!!

crosspalms said...

Another professionally assembled bike. I'm impressed. Is there no end to the talent in this country?

And next time my brakes squeak, I'll try oiling them.

Anonymous said...

WCRM - Things your may not know:

Wayne Gretzky played hockey
Hesjedal is Canadian
Eric "the Chamferer" Murray likes hilpster pussy
David Byrne does not own a car...As a semi professional anything yoiu should know some of this...

crosspalms said...

I think there's an asterisk next to Gretsky's name cause he won that race by checking the other riders into the boards. And people thought he was such a nice guy.

Anonymous said...

Just a minor misunderstanding. Gretzky was riding Janet Jones during the Tour of Spain.

Google her and you'll see why.

mikeweb said...

Rantwick, FTW!

Dave said...

WCRM, you founf me out, I have killed many while "diving"

Buffalo Bill said...

As a resident of mericas snow encrusted fur hat, I'm pretty sure there is a sense of humor somewhere around here. Let me look.

theEel said...

weed.

Billy said...

Oiling the brakes? Why didn't I ever think of that?! My brakes get really loud sometimes, and even startle people.

I feel so bad for all the poor baby car drivers with their free street parking. Every time I struggle to get my bike through the spring-loaded "security door" and up the narrow stairs from the basement bike room, I shed a little tear for them.

mikeweb said...

Both tires are flat and if you touch the chain you will get grease on you. The brakes squeeked. So I oiled them they dont seem to work very good. May need adjustment. Bike has unlimited speed, the faster you move your legs the faster the bike goes!

This last part can only mean one thing: this bike belongs to Bret.. According the theory of relativity, unlimited speed means that once going fast enough, time travel is possible. So if you touch the chain, you can just time travel back a few minutes and then not touch the chain instead of, you know, just washing the grease off with soap.

Anonymous said...

Dear BS. You really need to check out bikebutterfly.com if you are truely interested in the safety of cyclists.

Wayne Gretzky said...

I ride to where the bicycle is going to be, not where it has been.

Anonymous said...

Wayne Gretzky is a Canadian so the grand tour has one more non American anglophonic winner. He apparently lives in Canada's jock strap, (Arizona and California) probably to avoid the cold Canadian summers and Canadian taxes, so maybe Canada only gets half credit for victory.

mtbkrdave said...

Looks like that Pedigree is even set up with a rack for Wayne to portage his artisanal hockey sticks.

Anonymous said...

that is the first person that owns a giant with a sense of humor.

I hope that is a sense of humour.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused, what's "Canada"?

Anonymous said...

we already have a bike sharing system in NYC, except the sharing part is not voluntary.

Anonymous said...

Waaaa, my parking. Move to Manhattan and grow a pair.

leogodoy said...

Is that bike with fantastic brake-lever positioning also made from parts?

Anonymous said...

yes!

balls®

Rikki said...

Hey Anon 12:58 -

"a giant with a sense of humor"

Really? Are you referring to a large person, because I can't imagine a couple of welded tubes laughing much.

DerZoots said...

Ha oiled the brakes.

Nice.

Hi BikeSnob!

Thanks.

singlespeedwaster said...

Got weed in my pants, and still crawling into the top 30-something!

M. Cavendish said...

Wayne Gretzky would be the only guy in the peloton with even fewer healthy teeth than me.

Anonymous said...

Canada? Never heard of it.


-balls™

Udder said...

If you think Canadians are easily offended, wait until the rich folks in Greenwich see that you misspelled their name...

Anonymous said...

Canada? Used to be a colony. It's got all bears in and stuff.

hey nonny mouse

streepo said...

Wayne Gretzky, Canada's greatest two sport athlete.

mikeweb said...

Is this the same Wayne Gretsky who said "You lose 100% of the bicycle races you don't ride in"?

streepo said...

Wayne Gretzky, Canada's greatest two sport athlete.

Marcel Da Chump said...

The depths of Brooklyn Heights douchery,

leroy said...

My dog, who's lived most everywhere,
From Zanzibar to Barclay Square.
Still prefers the sights
A dog can see from Brooklyn Heights.

(And he assures me Gretzky rode the Giro not the Vuelta.)

Edward said...

Scathing today! Loved it snobby!

Anonymous said...

http://lincoln.craigslist.org/bik/3004600164.html


Off Road Recumbent!!!!

Udder said...

leroy said...

My dog, who's lived most everywhere,
From Zanzibar to Barclay Square.
Still prefers the sights
A dog can see from Brooklyn Heights.

You mean Berkeley Square (in London, where Patty Duke's twin was from).

Barclay Square is in Tartu, Estonia

Estonian Chamber of Commerce said...

Estonia is lovely at this time of the year...

Anonymous said...

i can't believe Snob just got punked by someone obviously submitting and likely creating the fakely hilarious Giant Pedigree ad. boo.

le Correcteur said...

I met a giant with a sense of humor once. When he laughed it was really scary; kind of like an earthquake.

leroy said...

Why thank you Udder!

My dog claims he said Berkeley, and I must have misheard it as Barkly.

Honestly, I don't get half the stuff he says.

But I'm pretty sure he's not the hairy, hairy gent who ran amok in Kent -- no matter how much he insists.

Udder said...

Actually, your dog heard it correctly. The singer used a bogus English accent when pronouncing Berkeley singing that theme song.

Anonymous said...

WCRM:
You seem to be running out of interesting things to say if you have to keep reminding us about David Byrne.

leroy said...

My dog also wishes to note that when in Estonia, he likes to hear the balalaika's ringing out.

Anonymous said...

Dear Canadia,

Who is your president and how many States do you have?

Love,
'merica

JB said...

Anon @2:39pm: Or you got punk'd by Snob. Dizzying, I know.

McFly said...

I bet that Georgena brake lever set-up was originally run in the traditional "crackhead" bar position.

The Showering Sinator said...

McFly why will not return my calls?

Anonymous said...

*you

McFly said...

Wayne Gretzky ate 3 hot dogs and drank 2 diet Pepsi's before each game. THAT is a fact. Hosers.

d. byrne said...

I use Rapha Organic Free Swimming Sperm Whale Speraceti exclusively as a velo brake lubricant. No whales are killed in the process. They are just put to sleep gently, organically and permanently.

Another Canuck said...

We Canadians lost our sense of humour when Gretsky was traded from Garmin to RadioShack by Peter Pocklington. 99 tears!

bikesgonewild said...

...it's a little known fact that ryder hesjedal won the stanley cup whilst playing alongside wayne gretzky on the toronto canadiens...

...the team was given that unusual spelling 'cuz the locals had used up their allotment of "a" 's...

..."...so, hower you, ay ???"...
..."...like, i'm fine, ay"...
..."...so, like yer still a hoser, ay ???"...
..."...yer just mad 'cuz i drank up all the beer when i slept with yer sister, ay ???"...
..."...well hey, she's yer sister too, ay & now mum's mad, ay ???"...
..."oh, sorry, ay"
...

...btw - the 'stanley cup' was originaly awarded to the first hockey player to take a puck in the pants yabbies...

...canadian history, ay ???...study it...

Guy LaPuck said...

Speaking of Canada I hear that Toronto is in line for an NFL franchise. They'll finally be getting a 'REAL' pro team. eh!

g-roc said...

I always thought the Jolly Green Giant had a sense of humour since he laughed at the end of every commercial, but now I'm starting to think maybe he was just horny.

S.S.R. said...

-Attention LeRoy's Dog-

I'll never, never, never forget our 'night in the hay' at your daddy's farm!

Your tongue is Olympian

america's toque said...

I knew you were joking, and I thought it was funny. Besides, everyone knows that Hesjedal is Saami.

Canadian Paul McCartney said...

Yesterday, eh?
All my troubles seemed so far away, eh?
Now it seems as though they're here to stay, eh?
Oh I believe in yesterday, eh?

Bob and Doug said...

Piss off, McCartney, ya hoser.

Big Charlie said...

I am highly disappointed in the lack of humor displayed by my fellow affable snowcreatures.

grog said...

Yes. Turd. Eh?

WEED BABE
MORE BACN

Anonymous said...

FEE FIE FOE FUM!
I smell the blood of a Canadiunnn!

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Any time the brake levers are mounted between the hand and the bar, the back-to-front weight transfer from initiating a stop will almost instantly lock up both wheels. I found this out from experience (near faceplant) when a friend wanted his bars set up "crackhead" style because of some health issues he was having. I ended up flopping them (without chopping) and locating the levers in the same place as the ones on the Terry, except they were BMX levers so they fit there. Worked well.

leroy said...

Well color me gob-smacked. The Brooklyn Heights Association's commitment to historic preservation extends to keeping period correct traffic amenities.

No wonder Reggie Watts says Brooklyn Heights is "the most uninspiring place to live." http://brooklynheightsblog.com/archives/41199

I'm not sure Adam Yauch would have agreed though.

Ray Sexlight said...

DROP STOP

Canadibum said...

I don't know the president's name, but I rock his diapers.

We have three states: wet, dirty and fresh as a daisy.

Jefe said...

Anonymous 1:07 p.m. wins Lord Stanley's Cup for witty comment of the day.

McFly said...

One of my riding buddies(non-hoser) is in a place in the Canada called by the name of Lake Louise(?) and he put some photo's on the Facingbook and OHMYGODICOULDNOT FREAKIN BELIEVE HOW AWESOME IT IS! They got bears and shit. Also, there was exceptionally BLUE bodies of water flowing and non-flowing styles. I did not spot Louise though which makes me suspicious...more than normal.

Tyler's Chimera said...

-Attention All Formidable Collectors of Fine Thangs -

I have 16mm film that proves Wayne Gretzky has two penises and four marbles. He was supposed to be twins just like Tyler Hamilton.

Dooth said...

That news channel could've also snap polled:
SHOULD DRIVERS FACE CRIMINAL CHARGES? But noooooo...A pedestrian was killed by a driver...it was an accident...o.k

A pedestrian was killed by a cyclist...Not an accident? What then? Premeditated? Fate?

Anonymous said...

That would be the "hairy-handed gent", Leroy
Draw blood.

Sébastien Lamarre said...

Steve Bauer is the famous ice hockey skates maker isn't he?

Anonymous said...

NBC, although I've heard it called many other culturally similar names, I think that is the reasoning behind the Terry cockpit. If you rotated those bars up, you'd be in 'crackhead' position (more specifically 'slam-lexic crackhead position' - you slam the stem, not the seatpost!), but without the weight/force lock-up issue you describe because levers are under the bar. Seller just wanted to try and make it look normal, but then realized moving the levers was just too much hassle. Although they could have utilized the opportunity when re-wrapping the bars to ensure a double at the ends.

Tits Magee said...

How do you tell the difference between an American and a Canadian in a train station?

The American takes the "A" train and the Canadian takes the train eh.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

2 Anon. 7:05

I've no doubt that you are correct. I just had to chuckle over the idea that it would difficult to stop in it's pictured configuration when in fact its brakes would be dangerously touchy.

Douche Enberg said...

Jacques Anquetil also led the American League in batting average and stolen bases one year.

g-roc said...

You americans are so smug because you have an article in front of the name of your country. No more exclusion for america's car cap. From now on, my country shall be referred to as the Canada. Let the smugness begin the Canada. Hey the Mexico, you on board?

McFly said...

Your welcome, nice podium work.

Joe Parkins Hair said...

I am so flowing and luxurious. You know you want to touch me. Touch me....DID YOU WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS!? Please wash your hands.

crosspalms said...

g-roc
Here in the Chicago, we're ready.

And Perigee. It's a Perigee. It may have a pedigree, but you can read the name on the top tube. I couldn't see any socks in the background of that photo, but the pink of the trailer and the fact that it's from near St. Louis makes me wonder if Frilly's trying to pull Snob's leg.

Anonymous said...

If you think Canadians have difficulty interpreting humor, you have never been to Newfoundland .

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Penultimate panties!

Anonymous said...

Ultimate panties!

Anonymous said...

Dude, for keeping up with stuff like the Giro, there's this thing called the Webernet and things called iPhones (not to mention various non-hipster-style knock-offs thereof) that let you actually keep up with the race! From anywhere in the world! It's like that new-fangled thing called the telegraph, except it's got words and pictures and naked people! You should try it! These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of color schemes for bikes, they're like panties: TThe matching colora only matter if the color is the most impressive thing about the rider/wearer. I mean, didn't anyone tell the Giro gurus that pink is for sissies!

Anonymous said...

As someone may have pointed out, Canada is in fact part of America--which is a continent, not a country--just not the U.S.

Anonymous said...

More naked chicks! Or Imafuckin say something nice!

The King of Park Slope North said...

Wayne Gretzky is Canandian!!!1!1!11!1!!

Anonymous said...

Joke? I thought snob was just bitter. Apparently he was told by "bicycling" that the giro was cancelled so they didn't need his commentary this year.

Tony dadson said...

america is not a continent.

Tony dadson said...

if that was you consider a joke, you are far from semi-professional

Anonymous said...

99 comments but this bitch aint one
Hit me

Anonymous said...

The Top Ten Places to "Live without Children", possibly because you are still children? You guessed it, Williamsburg made the list.

http://realestate.msn.com/10-great-neighborhoods-for-childless-adults#16

Steven Seagal said...

"I told you already, I'm just a cook."

paulb said...

But not Brooklyn Heights Cinema. Operated by cool persons.

JB said...

America is two continents?

Anonymous said...

No it's incontinence.

Austin Scott Brooks said...

Maybe if there are more people renting bicycles instead of driving, there will be less cars competing for parking spots!

DerZoots said...

How much more free lunch are you going to eat snob?
Where is our Thursday helping of bloggular sustenance?
I'm getting ancy as the WednesdayWEEDz is running low.

Now get postings!

THanks.

99 Cent Merchandise said...

awesome stuff! More power to your blog!

Rex H said...

Real Estately speaking, real property includes the ground area and the air space above it.

amabel87654 said...

I always wanted free lunch.

Mikes,
2 Girls Teach Sex

Robert said...

Never realized how threatened people felt by bikes. I guess not having a massive metal box around you really leaves you feeling vulnerable.

kadir karabaş said...

Online hdpornwatch Teen Home free watch and tube tv. for amateur sites. Goodbe watch !

Anonymous said...

HD kaliteli porno izle ve boşal.
Bayan porno izleme sitesi.
Bedava ve ücretsiz porno izle size gelsin.
Liseli kızların Bedava Porno ve Türbanlı ateşli hatunların sikiş filmlerini izle.
Siyah karanlık odada porno yapan evli çift.
harika Duvar Kağıtları bunlar
tamamen ithal duvar kağıdı olanlar var
2013 Beyaz Eşya modeller
Sizlere Güvenlik Sistemleri ayarliyoruz
Arayin Hirdavat bulun
Samsung Nokia İphone Cep telefonu alin.
Super Led Tv keyfi

Amatör Porno - Amcik Porno - Anal Porno - Asyali Porno - Bakire Porno - Erotik Porno - Esmer Porno - Fantazi Porno - Gay Porno - Götten Porno - Grup Porno - Hard Porno - HD Porno - Hemsire Porno - Latin Porno - Lezbiyen Porno - Liseli Porno - Olgun Porno - Oral Porno - Rokettube - Sarisin Porno - Sert Porno - Tecavüz Porno - Travesti Porno - Türbanli Porno - Türk Porno - Ünlü Porno - Yasli Porno - Zenci Porno - Kari Koca Porno - Hayvanli Porno