Wednesday, May 23, 2012

It's Wednesday! Hold Onto Your Pants.

Okay, who's the asshole who ran over Michael McKean?



Also, who's the septuagenarian who wrote that headline?  McKean transcended "Lenny" decades ago--that's like calling Jerry Seinfeld the guy from "Benson."  Of course, this being a car-on-pedestrian incident in New York City, you can guess what comes next:


No criminality was suspected in the smash-up, according to police.  Two other people were taken to the same hospital, although the extent of their injuries was unknown, officials said.


This is not to say the police didn't do any detective work.  In fact, they did question one suspect, but they were satisfied with his alibi and released him:


(David Byrne to police: "I don't own a car.  Ipso facto, I could not have hit Lenny.")

In any case, you have to suspect somebody did something wrong somewhere when two cars manage to take out three humans, a mailbox, and a trash can:

Pedestrian struck on West 86th St and Broadway - 2 cars collided and smashed into the man and then hit the mailbox and trash can.

Clearly, McKean brought this misfortune upon himself, for as a native New Yorker he should have known better than to stand on the sidewalk.  (I'm assuming he was on the sidewalk, unless the mailbox, the trash can, and McKean were all playing stickball in the middle of Broadway.)

Anyway, I'm sure you will join me in wishing him a speedy recovery.

Meanwhile, in recreational bicycle cycling news, the Sportive Cock has issued a press release letting the world know they will be offering a replica yellow jersey in honor of their sponsorship of this year's Tour of France:


According to the announcement:

The greatest champions, from Louison Bobet to Jaques Anquetil and Eddy Merckx to Bernard Hinault, have worn the Le Coq Sportif Yellow Jersey.

And this is precisely why you should not wear one.  Certainly the act of road-oriented bicycle cycling is  replete with "weird style dick tats."  However, while we may mock those who transgress them, the truth is most of the "dick tats" are meaningless, and mindless adherence to them can be more laughable than the transgressions themselves.  Go ahead, put your glasses under your helmet straps.  Wear half-shorts and tri-dorkulous ankle socks.  Slip on fifteen LiveStrong bracelets and let your leg hair grow wild and free.  None of these things really matter so long as you enjoy the ride.

However, riding around in the coveted maillot jaune may be a fridge too far.  There's just something about wearing other people's prizes that transcends dorky and goes right to "special needs."  It's sort of like walking around and carrying a stranger's bowling trophy with you.

Of course, you may disagree, and as far as you're concerned it may be perfectly acceptable to ride around in the jersey of the Touring of France race leader.  Hey, what can I say?  To eaches his or her owns.  We all have our own pet peeves.  Moreover, now that we're all "on the line" and using personal home computers and cellular telephones with push-button dialing and applications that help us find the nearest sandwich boutique, there are entrepreneurs constantly springing up on the Internet who want to help us address our pet peeves, no matter how minor or non-existent those pet peeves might be.  For example, do you have a problem with your bicycle constantly rolling away from you?  No?  Well then you're not going to want to give money to the inventors of the Spokebug:


Yes, it's the Spokebug, the superfluous little dingle for people who haven't come to terms with the fact that they need a bike with a kickstand:


Simply flick the Spokebug into the "on" position and you can accomplish exactly the same thing you can do with a small stick.  Not convinced?  Me neither.  Still, here's the video to further dissuade you:



I particularly enjoyed the sepia-toned quasi-old-timey slapstick video featuring some schmuck who really ought to just get one of those newfangled "kicking stands" they sell at Rivendell:


In fact, from the looks of that bike I'd be stunned if it didn't already have a kickstand and they had to take it off just for the video.  I also look forward to their next Kickstarter pitch, which will of course be for an electronic warning system that reminds you when you've forgotten to disengage your Spokebug.


Still, while Kickstarter may be just a Craigslist for would-be entrepreneurs, it's far more refined than eBay, where a reader discovered this:


Granted, as a semi-professional bike blogger the above outfit actually qualifies as "business casual" in my workplace, but if you're going to pose with your bike on eBay you should at least take the time to put on some pants.  Then again, titillating would-be buyers with his "treasure trail" could be his idea of salesmanship, and this seems even more likely when you peruse the copy:



IT IS KEEPER IN MY ROOM FOR 6 YEARS.


IS IN MIND CONDICTION.


HAVE VERY SMALL SCRASHES


THE PICTURES SHOW ALL BIKE PARTS


I AM A HONEST SELLER 100% GOOD FEEDBACK


It also puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.  By the way, that pictures certainly does show all bike parts--and then some.  I'm also beginning to suspect that the bike has been "keeper in his room for six years" because the seller hasn't left his room in six years either, and he's been inside and pantsless since at least 2006.

I look forward to his Kickstarter debut, when he pitches a crotchal equivalent of the Spokebug that keeps you from popping out of the fly of your boxer shorts.

124 comments:

Unknown said...

Podium!!

Jimbo said...

Pants!

singlespeedwaster said...

Podium! surely...

Chriam said...

4th! Lenny got run over?! Major sucks!

Kenny said...

AND THAT'S HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW!

luciferyellow said...

Top ten?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten!

cephas said...

Top XXV!!!

Captain Hardbread said...

top ten!

Kenny Banya said...

top ten?

theEel said...

weed.

Ol' Dirty Bass-Terd said...

You seem really BUGGED by "creative-types"

mikeweb said...

Is that a seat post, or are you just happy to see me?

Anonymous said...

Top Ten Two Days inna Row!! and now to fly back home....

Anonymous said...

what happens when you hope on your bike and forget that you engaged the spoke bug?

Anonymous said...

Whoops....pipped @ 11:39 BALLZ

Marcel Da Chump said...

Transcend Lenny? Sure, but not Squiggy.

mikeweb said...

McKean who played Lenny on 'Laverne & Shirley'? What do you expect from the Daily News? Their readership, if not most of their editorial staff, take Geritol every day. Do they still make Geritol?

BoringCommenter said...

Wait, what? People wear their glasses over their helmet straps? That seems incredibly pointless and inconvenient. Can anyone explain this alleged bit of etiquette?

Mike McKean said...

“You know, I think it's one of those cases where the situation really does dictate your level of ridicule.”

ploeg said...

They hit Lenny! You bastards!

RANTWICK said...

"It also puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"

I love you, man.

RANTWICK said...

SpokeBug. Hate to say it, but I can actually see the point of that thing.

I'm kind of nonplussed now; I'm not used to holding an opinion of my own.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

if the spoken guys are listening...

I'd like a spoke bug type thing for keeping my wheels still when they are on a rear rack - but don't want to zip tie one to my bikes

Anonymous said...

Feeling a little confused that the kickstater video didn't start out with a twenty something in Alamo Square or Dolores Park, starting with "hi, have you ever. . ."

"I love bicycles and I. . ."

crosspalms said...

Twang!

Sound of forgotten Spokebug being disengaged.

Stopped at a farmers market on the ride to work today, and was walking back to my bike when a woman rode around the corner on the sidewalk, dodged a guy next to me then swerved to dodge me and muttered "which direction are you going, sir?" as she rode past -- still on the sidewalk. Obviously she needs a refresher in sidewalk strafing etiquette.

Sucks about McKean but I'm glad he's recovering.

Anonymous said...

Anybody else remember those flip gadgets from back in the day that would catch a tire and hold the bike from moving. Attached to the frame and flipped out...Sorta like this sopkebug thing but caught the tire.

Looked like those curved wire things that used to ride just above the tires to catch glass, etc.

Did these things really exist circa 1980 or is this another drug flashback?

Anonymous said...

top 60?

jno62 said...

Talk about the need for a "filth prophylactic"!

Thanks Snobby!

Charlie Didrickson said...

Anonymous said...
Anybody else remember those flip gadgets from back in the day that would catch a tire and hold the bike from moving. Attached to the frame and flipped out...Sorta like this sopkebug thing but caught the tire.

Looked like those curved wire things that used to ride just above the tires to catch glass, etc.

Did these things really exist circa 1980 or is this another drug flashback?

Flickstand

Anonymous said...

re spokebug - what is so hard about just turning the handlebars toward the stupid wall so it doesn;t roll?

wle

Martin Erzinger said...

"Lenny & Squiggy
Michael McKean and David Lander created the characters of Lenny & Squiggy while both were theater students at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.[2] Lander told an interviewer in 2006 that they created the characters while high on marijuana.[2] After graduating, they continued to perform the characters in live comedy routines before joining the show's cast.
McKean and Lander also appeared as Lenny & Squiggy on Fernwood Tonight, the satirical late night talk show hosted by Martin Mull and Fred Willard. In this appearance they claimed that their characters on Laverne and Shirley were based on their real life personas. The pair also released a live concert album of songs and skits as Lenny and the Squigtones, which featured Christopher Guest as Nigel Tufnel."

I was aiming for David Lander, but you know how it goes.

Anonymous said...

Loved my Flickstand, but I wore my glasses under the straps back then too.

Anonymous said...

Flickstand. That was it. So how is the Spokebug any better than that?

I guess the "designers" are too young to remember the Flickstand.

Фofanov said...

Bikes and boxers: go to eBay to Фoff off all the time

Everbody said...

Take your velcro strap off your right leg and attach to forks.

Anonymous said...

Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap is injured!? Bastards.

Olle Nilsson said...

a crotchal equivalent of the Spokebug - now there's something I could use.

Billy said...

"Clearly, McKean brought this misfortune upon himself, for as a native New Yorker he should have known better than to stand on the sidewalk."

Sad but true. Thank you for turning tragedy into comedy. You're like the Jon Stewart of bicycle-cycling-dom.

I read a line a few months back that I can't get out of my head. How all us bike-lane cyclists are "one dropped french fry away from death". I amended that to include "or one shitty radio commercial" as I was buzzed by a clueless lady turning a knob on her dash instead of noticing me.

Can you make some jokes out of that to help me forget, or at least accept it?

I'm confused and angered by the spokebug. How does it keep your front wheel from flopping over? That happens with my kickstand, too, and preventing the wheels from rolling (or optionally breaking a spoke) doesn't seem like it would do anything to keep the front wheel in line.

The gadget to that has already been invented (duh) and is in wide use on European utility bikes (really, what practical bicycling thing hasn't already been invented and is in wide use on European utility bikes? All of these things were solved problems like 100 years ago. Belt drive? Chain case! Hydraulic disk breaks? Rod-pulled drum brakes!)

http://store.velo-orange.com/index.php/vo-wheel-stabilizer.html

wishiwasmerckx said...

If you actually expect an American to distinguish between a Dutch and a Dane, you had better put that crack pipe down before you burn yourself.

chester_chesterfield said...

flickstands were real and sold well. Didn't work that well, but that's the bike industry for you.

I miss the wire tire sweepers. Do shops still have these? Maybe online somewhere?

Talk about style dictat! I never understood why they were so derided when they kept my tubulars mostly hole-free.

JB said...

Daddo One @ 12:06pm: I find that a bungee cord stretched between the wheels works just fine (to keep the wheels from rotating while on rear car rack).

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Superfluous little dingle; Sportive Cock;
septuagenarian

You have a way with words sir.

wishiwasmerckx said...

A way with words? I, too, believe that unless you won it, you have no business riding around in the yellow jersey. However, I have never been able to articulate it as "sort of like walking around and carrying a stranger's bowling trophy with you."

chester_chesterfield said...

Forget the flickstand 2.0.

Most of you louses are too cheap to buy a double-leg, center mount kickstand.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001GSKVSG/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2/187-0988034-6984214?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_r=0CFKV6MC8CNN3DP3KX33&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_i=B000AO9Z7K

All your bike stopping needs solved for a mere USD$ 45.00

Let's flash back one more time: The Mirrycle

Anonymous said...

The bike I rode to work today has both a flickstand and a mirrycle.

But in real news -- have you heard about Tennessee's "it really is your fault if you don't see the cyclist or pedestrian" law?

http://www.nooga.com/151969/due-care-law-strengthens-protections-for-tennessee-bicyclists-pedestrians/

SaddleAmericana said...

incredible -- car runs over ped, no big deal. I knew a little jackass kid that ran over and killed a cyclist (he was something like 16 years old, driving mommy's car and drunk at 6:30 am) and he served like 14 days in juvie or something bogus like that. just shows you where our (society's) priorities are...

ringcycles said...

WIWM: dane and dutch not the same?!? You mean that Amsterdam-Copenhagen is NOT a nordic megalopolis utopia? So disillusioned.

Terre Haute Karl said...

Is it ok that I have a Stanley Cup and a Lombardi Trophy that I keep on my mantle?

Eat the Rich said...

Lemmy was on Laverne and Shirley?

Buffalo Bill said...

The first jersey I ever bought was yellow and I didn't understand the dork factor until some time later. Hey, I was young and it was on sale!

Slow Joe Crow said...

That Spokebug thing looks like a second rate copy of the old Rhode Gear Flickstand a wire loop that engaged your tire so that the wheel would neither roll nor turn. I had one in 1980 so it was not a drug flashback.
Info here http://yoeddy.blogspot.com/2009/09/ode-to-flickstand.html

DerZoots said...

That's how all the yellow jerseys get sold Buffalo Bill.
You did your part.

Anonymous said...

g-roc, it's called a Prince Albert.

D. Byrne said...

Hot today ...

I sure could go for an 'Iced Karl' but it seems that I left my mouthpiece and eye protection at home this fine spring day.

McFly said...

Heyheyheyheylemmetalklemmetalklemmetalk,

Sorry I am late. I had to return my neighbors Congressional Medal of Honor. I was using it (again) to pick up college chics over by the quad. I thought I had one in the boat but she swam off. They always do that when you mention your prostetic cock.

Anonymous said...

MOCK COCK

grog said...

Yahno, if Lenny had been over-run by a cyclist, there would have been an arrest, a citation, jail-time, vehicle surrender, and license revocation.
SPOK EBUG
PANT LESS
RECM BABE

Anonymous said...

I still have a mirrycle in my parts bin. It's almost in mind condiction.

All this nostalgia made me think about those 1970's bike lights. My brother had a white plastio one about the size of a first generation cell phone, with large plastic mount. Burned through 4AAs pretty quick. I opted for the cateye with nylon strap that kept the light on the handlebars most of the time, though seldom pointed where I would have liked it. Those two C cells didn't last long either.

Ol' Bee One Can O' Bee said...

Mind Condiction: These are not the droids you are looking for.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing the product name "spokebender" didn't test as well with potential consumers.

crosspalms said...

On a shelf at home I have a trophy for perfect attendance at a ballet school I never attended. I have no idea whose it really is/was, or where the school is. That's my yellow jersey.

PhilboydStunge said...

Wearing a replica jersy or displaying a replica trophy is just fine. But writing "greatest champions ... worn the Le Coq Sportif Yellow Jersey" and not putting Lance in the mix is pathetic. That's like calling out Magic & Bird as greatest NBA champions but forgetting all about Jordan.

Anonymous said...

rhode gear invented the spoke bug about 30 years ago. they called it the "flick stand."

D. Byrne said...

Michael McKean bent the hood ornament on my 1927 Mercedes-Benz Type "S" 36/220S. It is irreplacable. Not only that but me fook'in chauffer is on disability leave as a result of the post traumatic stress resulting from the horror of Mr. McKean's kamakazee attack on my vehicle.

He'll be hearing from my attorneys!

mikeweb said...

Philboyd,

Armstrong never wore the Coq Sportif maillot jaune. During his wins Nike was the sponsor, so he wore the swoosh-y yellow jersey.

bikesgonewild said...

...philboydstunge...that's 'cuz cancer jesus was so in bed with nike that they bought the tour jersey sponsorship & if you look back at old fotos of brandstrong, you'll notice the nike swipe on his mellow johhny's & all the other tdf jerseys (polka dot, green, whatever) of his era...

...he & nike instigated the change...$$$...

bikesgonewild said...

...run down david st hubbins & my 'rage-O-meter' just went to 11...

Babe Winklemen said...

*****ATTENTION*****

All Top Level World Event Memorabilia Collectors and Conisewers ...

Tycho Brahe's mummified nose.

$12,000,000.00

A certinicate of authmenticity included after paymeny received in Kruger Rands.

Anonymous said...

MAC FLY
MS PELD
PROSTHETIC
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Charlie Didrickson said...

Flickstand no workie with fenders so good...

John from London said...

Is it ok to wear a copy of the myalgia rosa? I do but only about the house

McFly said...

Eye alwayz spel fanetikly.


P-FAR FACE PLANT! F--K YEAH! That and a 40+ with good friends and my day is complete. Wait...what's this? A text from honey bunny sayin' NO KIDS TONIGHT? There is work to be done yet.

Anonymous said...

No kids EVERY night. What's the big deal?

Oh. I get it.

Get it?

LOL

grog said...

HONY BUNY

Anonymous said...

Who the fuck ran over David St. Hubbins?! As of now and as before, drivers blow.

BrendanBarryConroy said...

" Moreover, now that we're all "on the line" and using personal home computers and cellular telephones with push-button dialing and applications that help us find the nearest sandwich boutique, there are entrepreneurs constantly springing up on the Internet who want to help us address our pet peeves, no matter how minor or non-existent those pet peeves might be."

This goes into the 'top ten sentences I've ever read' list.

Etherhuffer said...

Someone mention tire brush thingy to knock the crap off your tire?

1 Defunct toothbrush, 1 heat gun, bend, drill hole, mount to brake bolt with a Sheldon's fender nut. Works like a charm and a wholly nerd-tastic nerd-gasm.

The Dutch are potheads. The Danes were Vikings. No comparison and good Norwegians everywhere care not one iota.

Anonymous said...

Should there not be a Bestest Ever in there somewhere?

Anonymous said...

I vanna move to zee Dutch yo.

CommieCanuck said...

Lemmy Kilmeister was in an accident??
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

What? Lenny? who? oh, fuck that guy, he rode of Squiggy's coat tails.

WTF..Lenny, that was David St. Hubbins from Spinal Tap. I guess the patron saint of quality footwear was not looking after him that day.

Mike McKean was a direct descendant of Thomas McKean, one of the signatories of the Declaration of Independence. (No shit).

Running him down with a car is clearly treason.

CommieCanuck said...

In the car driver's defence, he was wearing these. Essential for motoring in spring time in NY.

Dooth said...

McKean is married to Annette O'Toole! Who didn't jerk-off to her in the 70's?

Anonymous said...

@CommieCanuck -

I've definitively been guilty of ogling, but oggling? Must be related to wearing ear warmering warmerers -- Oh heck, muffs -- devices on ones temples...

Anonymous said...

Dick tats.... welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.

hey nonny mouse

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dooth, you can have Annette O'Toole and Barbara Eden. I'll take Doris Day, Barbara Feldon and Elizabeth Montgomery. You can have Tyco Brahe just to even up the numbers.

Deal?

Anonymous said...

What happens if you forget to disengage it? Not as bad as what happens when you forget about your motorbike's disc lock. which you foolishly put on in front of the fork.....

By the was, I saw two blokes - in different places - yesterday; both wearing spotty KOM jerseys. Both somewhat portly, and neither was Robert Millar (his jersey's in a shop in Glasgow anyway).

hey nonny mouse (again)

Perry said...

Pray to God that you don't hit a pothole and make that spokebug thingy flip into the fully locked and destructive position. Next...

Dooth said...

No deal...Elizabeth Montgomery is the deal breaker.

Anonymous said...

wishiwasmerckx @135 -

"If you actually expect an American to distinguish between a Dutch and a Dane, you had better put that crack pipe down before you burn yourself."

Ow! Oooh! Jee-sus! That smarts!

You know it shouldbe "wishiWEREmerckx", right? Subjunctive and all.

Dooth said...

wiwm,
deal breaker? I meant nut buster.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 5:38, we've been over this before. It is actually "wishiwereasmerckxoncewas," not "wishIwasmerckxrightthisveryminute," which would be kinda creepy. Despite being quite the grammar nazi myself, I reserve the right to shorten and colloquialize it to "wishiwasmerckx."

K?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dooth, what if I throw in Annette"s cousin, Plenty O'Toole? She's a Bond Girl, for fuck's sake.

Michael Bay said...

I have some footage of David St Hubbin's massacre


http://gifbib.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/boom.gif

Anonymous said...

Found this; a school head sending a bunch of the kids home for organising a bike ride to school (USA).

http://grist.org/list/high-school-seniors-suspended-for-biking-to-school/

hey nonny mouse

A VERY MINOR POET said...

At the risk of seeming over-erudite,
I like my Flickstands nice and tight!

some horny old guy said...

A very minor poet, I like my women just like you like your Flickstands.

J. Dahmer II said...

Dad was a breast man.

I'm a thigh man.

I'm getting into biking.

Know any bikers with great thighs?

I'd like them to contact me ASAP ...

John Wayne Gacy said...

Hey Dahmer, I'll be your wingman. Then you have the whole chicken!

wishiwasmerckx said...

100th!

McFly said...

I know one with really nice calfs but I am not into the veal thing.


Good Night folks I will be here all week. Don't forget to whip your tater. I mean tip your waiter.

Eddie said...

Hmm, a kickstand creates a stable tripod that won't fall over, where as the spoke bug only has the two wheels as support... Spokebug is obviously a less functional, lighter weight, streamlined version of a kickstand for hipsters. Thus is born, the "hipstand"

Eddie said...

Hmm, a kickstand creates a stable tripod that won't fall over, where as the spoke bug only has the two wheels as support... Spokebug is obviously a less functional, lighter weight, streamlined version of a kickstand for hipsters. Thus is born, the "hipstand"

Anonymous said...

wishiwasmerckx @6:18 -- of course it's ok, I was just yanking your chain, or belt drive as the case may be.

On the subject of grammar Nazis, I don't think the Onion's headline has ever been surpassed:

"William Safire Orders Two Whoppers Junior"

T. Brahe said...

jjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cccjjjjooooooo*

*danish sneeze

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 9:06, don't even start me on Sea World's Baby Killer Whales...

Fred Eno said...

Pennyfarthing face plants

give you

so much more.

Anonymous said...

Spoke Bug! Just f***ing kill me now! Quick! This whole drawn out torture you dish I consider cruel and unusal. Those hot chick pics? Keep me coming back. Snobby a master at pain and pleasure. S&M Master of the cycling world.

Steve Hays said...

"It puts the lotion on it's skin..." Fucking priceless. I love that movie. Just for the character. I walk around and hear him say "Was she a great big fat person" whenever I see one. Thank you Wildcat.

Cognorant said...

Ok...what the hell are "ankle socks", why am I not supposed to wear them and what am I supposed to wear? Man, I'll never get to sleep tonight without knowing these things.

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Anonymous said...

"In fact, from the looks of that bike I'd be stunned if it didn't
already have a kickstand and they had to take it off just for the video. "

Hmm... I think the bicycle that enters at about 2:37 (I can't believe I
watched 2 1/2 minutes of that crap) has a centre(or center if you prefer) stand making their bent
bit of wire somewhat redundant.
Sturmey Archer

Babe Winkelman said...

Dear David Byrne,

Nice outfit. Who shot the couch?

Anonymous said...

Trudi is pretty smokin. I would let her handle my bag any ol' day of the week.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Liz Hatch's panties! They are keeper in my room for six years!

ce said...

Stretchy band over brake lever.

Anonymous said...

Liz Snhatch does not wear any.

Anonymous said...

You advocate the use of a kickstand? Common sense, shall prevail!

Anonymous said...

Check out the "Idaho Stop" law which allows bicyclists the treat stop signs as a yield sign. It has been around for over a quarter century with a good safety record. It is so good even the Portlanders want to copy it.

Anonymous said...

Stoptional

Anonymous said...

Ryder is in fact American -- I read it on BSNYC's blog

Robert said...

Wow...Spokebug....really?

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