Friday, May 25, 2012

BSNYC Friday Cursory Visual Inspection!

If you're reading this from some other country, you should know that here in America we're about to begin the Memorial Day weekend.  This means that on Monday we'll all be busy barbecuing and enjoying big, big savings at Memorial Day sales and generally failing to share the road with each other in the usual fashion.  It also means that I won't be posting on Monday, May 28th, but I'll be back on Tuesday the 29th with my usual mix of naked pictures, irascible commentary, and delicious casserole recipes.  (And probably also a severe sunburn.)

Of course, if you're reading this from some other country, like France, you're not going to miss me on Monday anyway since you're probably too busy watching stuff like this:



The above video was forwarded to me by a reader, and I particularly enjoyed the "fixie weigh-off:"


Though for cinema fixité it's hard to beat this sweet New York City "edit" (forwarded by another reader) that I suspect may have been directed by M. Night Shyamalan:



I'd hate to spoil the surprise ending, but HOLY CRAP THE GUY WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME!!!

This profoundly chilling and evocative film gave me the chills, though admittedly they were mostly "douche chills."

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know it, and if you're wrong you'll see some post-ride recovery advice.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your Memorial Day vegetarian barbecues taste only slightly of cardboard.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






("The Levi Effect:" Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery After Watching)

1) According to the producers of "The Levi Effect," when they approached their subject about making a documentary his response was: "Really, you think so?  I dunno, man, I think I'm kinda boring."

--True
--False





(Dave Zabriskie explaining to Levi Leipheimer that, if you grow a zany moustache, people will mistake your boring personality for laconic cool.)

2) Levi Leipheimer is kinda boring.

--True
--False





3) According to "Bicycling" magazine, the most bike-friendly city in the United States is:

--Minneapolis, MN
--Portland, OR
--Davis, CA
--Vancouver, BC






4) According to the League of American Bicyclists, the most bike-friendly state in the United States is:

--Washington
--Oregon
--Minnesota
--Canada





(Might as well just use this.)

5) According to a recent study, use of chamois cream can lead to breast development in males.

--True
--False







6) Which is not a selling point for the above bicycle?

--IT IS KEEPER IN MY ROOM FOR 6 YEARS
--IS IN MIND CONDICTION
--HAVE VERY SMALL SCRASHES
--IT IS HAVE MADE ONLY SMALL CONTACTS WITH MINE SCRANOUS







(Remember fixies?)


"Because the constant rotation of the pedals encourages you to have a better rhythm and flow while you ride, I feel that the bike is more of an extension of my body than I do with a geared bike," Guity says. Without the ability to coast or stop quickly, riders must anticipate their moves well in advance, relying on a complex technique of leaning forward onto the handlebars and skidding the back wheel.

7) The article in which the above passage appeared was published in what year?

--1988
--1998
--2007
--2012




***Special Perils-Of-English-Cycle-Touring-Themed Bonus Question***




When cycling in the tranquil Cotswolds countryside, beware of:

--Dogs
--Sheep
--Budgies
--Furious ninja women

99 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yo Ya!

SaddleAmericana said...

2nd? even closer!

Anonymous said...

Whoooooo!!! Ryder hejsdal!!!!!!!!!! Whoooooo

Anonymous said...

3rd ?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I love a complex stop

Anonymous said...

Does any one care?

mikeweb said...

Dirk Hoffman! FTW!!

Didi and Borat round out the podium.

Scrantissimo said...

Top 10st Scranus Sprinter!!!!

McFly said...

Rest Day..gettin all 3 legs rubbed down as we type..

Anonymous said...

Ten? Poopie.

Nogocyclist said...

Top 25! Woo Hoo

Anonymous said...

rrraaaawwwrrr

Anonymous said...

I don't understand who was filming ninja woman? Is the countryside wired with police cameras or something?

Anonymous said...

That dachsund needs a monocle and a mini-tophat.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering when the labor-doodle was going to start humping british "warm down guy."

Anonymous said...

So that's what socialism looks like...

Anonymous said...

les sacs douches

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MILF Hunter said...

THIS JUST IN: Stripes do not make you look fat. They make you look humpworthy.

mikeweb said...

Yes, I was also wondering when that blokes dog was gonna go all 'Ivana Humpalot' on him.

I need to know where that country lane is. I would also like to be attacked by ninja woman. But alas, my Barbour jacket is navy (yes, really) and I don't own any Wellies.

Billy said...

I got all excited thinking I would ace the quiz, but I seriously underestimated the martial skills of English countrywomen.

Anonymous said...

HULLO MR. GUMBY!!!!

(crash)

OH NOOOO......

hey nonny mouse

spudman said...

French vid was xlnt,(French hipster in lettermen jacket, ball caps-breath taking irony). Loved the one about the black dog too.

Anonymous said...

Levi's wife and dogs are hella annoying. I think I would kill myself. Also, I hate women that talk with a lisp like the announcer in that video. Sometimes I wonder if girls do that lisping thing on purpose.... it generally accompanies a certain persona.

Cipo said...

Chamois cream on the nipples will turn you into a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, such as myself.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Is sex with a dog really the best way to cool down?

Philippe said...

The fixie clip is an hommage to this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOyU_OzRXnM
Or a parody.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

jeez....Odessa can float, eh?

Jon LaDouche' said...

Attention all BSnyc 'commentaratti'

Just for your personal info ...

A Fred in France is known as ...

Fredrique!

ringcycles said...

Patrick Dempsey is backing "The Levi Effect", So OF COURSE its going to be a great film!

Just like since the video was published by The Sun, You Know it had to be real!

Just like when Fox New reports, you Know its TRUE! After all, they just report, we decide

Anonymous said...

I think that is spelled

FRED REEK

Cipo said...

Yes. It is true. My 'man thang' will play the role of Loch Ness Monster in Tim Buton's new 3D HiDef video production "Nessie does Dundee, Dublin and London"

The vidiographers had a though time sizing me monster having to eventually graphically reduce the size of 'Little Cipo' so that the monster's size would not overpower the entire production.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, funny but where are the product reviews? Do I have the wrong blog?

ringcycles said...

At very least, now we know that Leroy's dog is a labradoodle.

crosspalms said...

Why is John McCain dressed as the grim reaper and riding a fixie? And why is the ninja woman nowhere to be seen in the warm-down video? Is it because she and the dog are one and the same? Finally, is it true that chamois cream induces paranoid fantasies?

Marcel Da Chump said...

The Gaul of those hilpsters.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

A few good comments following the ninja lady story. I especially like this one:

"Can't believe the old boy keeps holding to his bike. I'd had dropped it on the spot before wrestling that dangerous tigress to the ground... "

T. Rex said...

Get it on ...

Gang a Bong ...

Get it ...









on

Rex Read said...

Recumbabe is a corpse. She is to star in a new movie. "Weekend at Recumbabe's." I hear BSnyc plays a major role in this necrophiliac XXX love fest romp.


-LEGALIZE NECROPHILIA-

Even the dead have a right to 'get it on'!

mikeweb said...

"And the winner is..." girl needs to move that sign a little lower and to her right. A little more... further... Oh, it looks like she doesn't use chamois cream. What a shame.

Anonymous said...

i choose 1988 on question 7

(but i knew it was 2012)

Buffalo Bill said...

I've been using udder cream for years. The jar says it will keep your livestocks' tender bits velvety soft, although it doesn't mention scranus' specifically.

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford got hot and spewed liquid all over everything. Radiator, you guys are a bunch of pervs.

CommieCanuck said...

OH MY GOD...He's 17 seconds off the lead and I still can't spell Hdjedejedgal, or Ride Her.

philip williamson said...

I thought the answer to an English themed question was ALWAYS "budgies." Dammit.

CommieCanuck said...

Necrophilia isn't legal? What about NADPLA? the North American Dead People Love Association?

Jefe said...

I was doing great until the extra points question. The furious ninja woman was probably upset that she had not been invited to the tweed ride. I believe the warm down tutorial was produced by Ricky Gervais. I learned that next time I go on long ride to be sure to let our dogs hump me while I sit on the floor.

CommieCanuck said...

The older-looking man, who is dressed in wellington boots, a Barbour-style jacket and a flat cap, tries to shove her away.

I say Smedly... quite...1958 called and they would like their kit back please.

CommieCanuck said...

Steven Lakes doesn't even own a chair. He doesn't even believe in them. Chairs are just static recumbents.

bikesgonewild said...

...i remember steven lakes hit music video...'stretch like an egyptian'...

...btw, i believe his dog is an 'iberian scranus hound'...

Anonymous said...

Mark Hamil (?)

Anonymous said...

Je t'adore le video Francaise!

DJ Mehdi?

How does one say "Chav" in French?

Anonymous said...

My students keep playing this bike themed computer game in the computer lab at inappropriate times. I yell at them and then play it in secret.

http://canvasrider.com/

bikesgonewild said...

..."...well, 'ello...eric the chamferer 'ere & now 'at this bleedin' bikesnob chap 'as made me some'at famous, i'm doin' me own line of cyclin' vids...

...'ere i am gettin' a bit of the ol' fresh air, ridin' up yer typical narrow english country lane...

...owww, now what's this 'ere ???...i'm bein' attacked by a lovely red 'aired ninja warrior...we can't 'ave that, now can we ???...
...(aside - ol' eric likes him some red 'eaded lasses)...

...now, hold up young misses...it's a bit of the ol' slap & tickle you like, is it ???...'ere, over the hedgerow ya go, luv...

...that's right & down wiff those stretchy little knickers, lass & over ol' erics knee, ya ???...'at's it, grab me wellies, luv & hang on tight...i might be 'eric the chamferer, luv, but i do know 'ow to tan yer hide...

...now 'ave a look at that, lads, isn't that a sight ???...these english girls have such lovely rosy red cheeks...must be the weather, ehhh what ???...

...well, ta & join me again for my next video...'eric brings discipline to the late night shift'..."
...

Dooth said...

A girlfriend did the same to me as that ninja Brit chick after I dropped her, riding in heavy traffic.

Very hungry Panda said...

"Furious ninja women"

Is that a redundant or superfluous statement?

Mark Hamil said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIqSdmWUtrY

Anonymous said...

NinjaRedhead is named Selene. The older gentleman is obviously a Lykan Elder.

So what's the problem?

True, there's normally never a Death Dealer around when you need one around.

McFly said...

I watched the entire Steven Lake video waiting on that dog to start humping him. He looked like he was going to hump him, he had a definte randiness vibe. He did pause for a couple of "SQUIRRELL" poses but other than that he looked game. Anyhoo, its been high 70s and low 80s all year and tomorrow (100 miles) it is going to be 98. MOTHER NATURE IS A WHORE! But I love her.


P.S. That stripe sign lady spelled weiner wrong.

xyxax said...

It just so happens that I am reading from another country today, and Frantz it is.
That DJ MEHdi vid ne m'a pas plu non plus, mais plutot non plussed.

@Mikeweb: saturday times xword puzzling?

Rollie said...

Is your thesis that the Nouveau Fréderique video and ones like it are so excruciatingly boring? If so, I agree.

Rollie said...

Top 62! In yo' FACE!!!

Anonymous said...

No I am 62, you must be doping

Ln Wf said...

Scrtm

g-roc said...

Don't know what the Frenchie is so excited about - his fixie is still heavier than milk.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!
Memorable ones!

Anonymous said...

Velocio say Remember the panties!

Jefe said...

G-roc, good one.

leroy said...

I spent two days this week riding in the neighborhood of the flinty New Englander selling a Specialized road bike on Craigslist that was featured on this blog recently.

Here's what I learned:

The smell of a fertilized pasture is different than the smell of a NYC garbage truck, yet their effects are oddly similar.

Flinty New Englanders in pick ups and SUVs do not buzz cyclists; in fact, they move over to the oncoming lane to pass. They even stop to let a lone cyclist cross a relatively busy road. Local Fed Ex drivers stop to tell you they are cyclists too and suggest routes.

Speaking of Levi, last year's Dempsey Challenge routes were quite nice.

My dog can get stared down by an alpaca. I will remind him of this often.

Now that I am back in Brooklyn, however, I must remember to ride safe all!

mikeweb said...

xyxax,

Not yet. I've been busy. But thanks for the reminder. And enjoy Frants!! Are you exploring Perris?

leroy,

I know of what you speak. After jostling with city traffic daily, and having taxis shoot by right in my 'kitchen', 98% of rural drivers up there are almost too accommodating. Frankly, it's a bit disconcerting.

McFly said...

103 MILES! 97 degrees! 6 hours. WTF



Triathlete says: So I am thinking about "going carbon."


When I bought a new mower I did not say I am thinking about "going Kohler."

Big Charlie said...

Well done McFly! We are all proud of you. Yes, all of us.

Go Ryder!!!!

And the weiner is said...

RideHer....HisDoll

bikesgonewild said...

...oh canada !!!...

bikesgonewild said...

...& 'oh mcfly !!!'...

Ln Wf said...

AYHSM_________

fill in the blank

crosspalms said...

Go McFly! Nice job!

Maple Scranus said...

A Great Day for the Canaditinians!

GO Ryder HesJEHdal!!!!!

Nice hockey-stick-on-a-flag too.

McFly said...

Taylor Phinney was disappointed Sunday when he lost a chance at a second Giro d’Italia stage win in a bizarre mishap in Milan.

The race motorcycle ahead of Phinney in the stage 21 time trial missed a turn on the course and led the American off-course. Phinney was forced to turn around and return to the course.


WFT? It's pretty cool that a gent from America's Psoriasis Flaked Scalp won the Tour of Italy but leading a yank off course so a wap can win is sad.

McFly said...

Wop? Yeah that looks right.

mikeweb said...

Way to go McFly!!

First an Aussie wins the Tour, now a Canuck wins the Giro. A Kiwi is up next(?) but what about the seat of the 'Crown'?

McFly said...

Thanks all, it was pretty cool because we had shower facilities at a pretty nice local high school for postride defunking. As I was finishing up prettying myself I was speaking with a older gentleman I had showered with (stay with me I am going somewhere with this) that had done the century and it turns out he was a state senator from over by where I live. I mean come on who can say they showered with a senator besides 23 year old female/male interns? He did 100 and looked to be 60ish(no offense BGW) which was pretty hard core. It was hot.

bikesgonewild said...

...now, mikeweb, lest we not forget that a manxman wears the world championship bands on his jammies when he sleeps with peta todd...

...only the second time in the last 1000 years of cycling that a brit has won the road championship...(& the last one died defending his 'honor') - (track & tt's don't count)...

...no offense taken, mcfly...perhaps i'm no prize but i think i look decent for my age & while i may not be fast on a bike these days, i've learned to baffle 'em with bullshit...i'm told i look 'pro' out there...

CommieCanuck said...

Great Giro win, in honor of his great achievement, I went home to the wife to Ride Her Hesjedal.

Hesjedal's win marks the first time a Canadian has ever done anything of importance.

CommieCanuck said...

I'm seeing the ads for BSNYC coffee. I have my own brand of coffee, Commie Luwak, for $600, you get a steaming bag of mostly coffee beans.

bikesgonewild said...

...& speaking of aging well, we celebrated a birthday bash out here last night for our 'beauty by the bay', the golden gate bridge...she eased with grace (& thankfully no fog) into 75 & so was given the most spectacular pyrotechnic display that (majority opinion) we'd all ever seen...

...from marin county, especially down in the little marina below the bridge, on any night the lights of the city & the bridge are magical but added to the sight last night, the bay was a delightful phantasmagoria of floating, bobbing, well lite boats of all shapes & sizes...

...as the night sky darkened & anticipation grew, the quieted bridge (traffic had been stopped) suddenly went dark with only her silhouette visible by the light of the crescent moon...in & of itself, that's something special because if only for safety reasons, we never see it darkened...

...then, out of the darkness, lighting up the sky & dazzling along her length between the towers, a torrent of golden sparks shot out & down, cascading 100's of feet to splash in the waters below...

...people cheer at fireworks shows, it goes with the territory but no one expected this kind of start & the crowd noise echoed our shear delight...we were all like kids & we were in for a fantastic night..

...so as not to bore, i shall curtail my description other than to say that along with a fireworks barge near the bridge, another a short way along the waterfront, the bridge & her graceful towers were also used as a pyrotechnic platform, which added an amazing & heretofore unforeseen dimension to the spectacle...

...numerous high powered searchlights in various locations, their intense beams dancing off the colored smoke of the fireworks added an amazingly surreal sensibility to this grand visage as we were treated to san francisco's birthday tribute to her famous span & it was like nothing ever seen before...

...i hope to get as lite up & wear it as well when i'm 75...

bikesgonewild said...

..."Hesjedal's win marks the first time a Canadian has ever done anything of importance."...

...when i left canadatario in the late '60's, there was a palpable sigh of relief (in certain quarters) that was considered significant...

...sometimes, less is more...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Was Rose Johnson pedaling her organic wares down by the festivities?

McFly said...

Timmy Duggan is your new US road champion in an impressive solo to the end!

bikesgonewild said...

...@ anon 5:02pm...of the thousands & thousands of us who attended, many like me on a bike, most forgot to wear their name-tags...

...& the ones who remembered, forgot it was gonna get dark...

J. Dahmer II said...

Went to a neighbors Memorial Day BBQ party today.

Funny thing? Chicken tastes just like human.

Dooth said...

Nice write-up on the Bridge, bgw...romantic, befitting an august structure, without being mushy...

Muddler said...

McFly, did the Senator drop his bar of soap when he saw your third leg?

bikesgonewild said...

...thanks, dooth, it really was a special night...

...it's easy to get jaded w/ 4th of july fireworks displays on the bay, if really only because of the traffic congestion but i realized despite being tired from work, i owned it to myself & the people working to create this 75th birthday affair to get my lazy ass down there...

...besides, i love that bridge as she's been a part of my life for 45 years now...

...therein, my 1-speed became an invaluable tool...avoid the cars (ie: surf between 'em, stopped in the road as they were), avoid walking (not something i do easily for more than about 100 yards at a time) & avoid kicking myself in the ass for missing something i knew in my heart was gonna be awesome...

...it was a win/win all the way 'round...

McFly said...

No after 100 miles it had done the "turtleneck"/trying to ascend back into the lower intestine thing. Not impressive. Wait was that rhetorical? Probably.

Robert said...

Never again chamolis oil, never again.

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