Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A Certain Extent: A Short Jog Off A Long Island

There are those who say that cycling is elitist, a rarefied pursuit for people obsessed with "weird style diktats."  I'd like to say that isn't the case, and that anybody who wishes to enjoy cycling can do so free from judgement and ridicule.  Unfortunately that isn't always the case.  Consider, for example, the reply a reader recently received from a shop in France when he inquired about road bike rentals:

Hello,


Yes we rent bikes racing in your size, you must give me your height in cm and the exact extent of your crotch so you know.*
It may be compact in 50/34
Rates are 20 euros per day for an aluminum bike


Thank you for the information on your waist so that we can make a reservation*


Audrey

*[emphasis mine]

Understandably, the reader who received this reply was rather taken aback.  Since when does the "extent of your crotch" have anything to do with bicycle fitting?  Incorporating such a metric seems spurious at best, and to me the inference seems to be that if your endowment isn't "extensive" enough that you should look elsewhere.

Then again, she does also add that "It may be compact" (specifically "50/34," which I assume corresponds to length/girth, though I have no idea which unit of measurement they're actually employing), so maybe I've got that all wrong and they will accommodate everybody.  Presumably though, if your "setup" is compact, then they won't give you a Cipollini:



Now that's a big boy's bike.

By the way, if you've ever longed to learn the origin story of the MCipollini bicycle, it's available on their site:



If you have anything resembling an actual full-time job, or if you're offended by explicit sexual content involving two consenting adult males (one of whom spends at least part of the video naked and covered in oil), then you may not have the time or the stomach to watch the strange, lengthy, erotic journey that unfolds above.  Therefore, I'm pleased to present you with the short version.  First, some guy is compelled yet intimidated by the MCipollini's formidable size:


Then, there are a bunch of shots of Cipollini himself sensuously stroking his robust head tube:


Which eventually convinces the guy to get on Cipollini's "missile:"


I realize I just made that sound completely pornographic, but that's only because it is.

Meanwhile, another reader has forwarded me this editorial from the Huffington Post, which was written by somebody who should leave New York immediately:



Basically, she tells the story of how she runs across the Prospect Park roadway while wearing headphones and listening to insipid music at high volume:

Earlier today, I was running in one of your beautiful parks, listening to some very upbeat music created by one of your talented natives, Lady Gaga. I turned the volume up as I entered the park because I knew that upon entering on that Tuesday morning that I was safe from traffic. I ran up the park's entrance and dutifully made my way to the pedestrian's lane, running in a diagonal to get to my designated feet-only zone.


For which she is duly chided by a group of cyclists:

Suddenly, a group of your worst inhabitants that you allow within your borders, your wretched group of spandex-wearing cyclists -- who for whatever reason were biking en masse in the middle of the day on a Tuesday because they don't have real jobs -- whizzed by me and startled me right out of my earbuds. Their leader, a tactless male with questionably low amounts of hair on his legs, screamed, "Heads up!" right into my ear.

Presumably it didn't occur to her that she should look before running across the roadway, or that she should keep her stupid Lady Gag-Gag crap turned down until she got to the jogger's lane.  It also evidently didn't occur to her that she's also in the park in the middle of the day on Tuesday because she doesn't have a real job either--though she is apparently a complete dupe and a full-time pain in the ass:

Now, I know what you're thinking dear New York, and let me defend myself. I do in fact have the very thick skin required to live here, and I believe mine is thicker than most of your inhabitants. When cabs try to tell me their credit card machine is broken and I have to pay cash, I show them my phone, which is already dialing 311 to report them. I've threatened my landlord into fixing just about anything from faulty staircases to poltergeists, and I have successfully seen to it that the builders of Barclay Stadium stop leaving their pvc pipes in front of my house by telling all of the construction workers that my good friend Jay-Z will have them shut down if they don't properly store their materials (we're not friends; I just wear sunglasses when I say this to the workers). I have dealt with bartenders using my credit card to buy Chinese food, the cashiers at Chipotle getting my order wrong at lunch hour, and I may be the only person in New York who has actually received a jay-walking ticket -- which I paid in full. My sweet, mild-mannered family, all still oblivious to the harshness of this world because they choose to live in California, have long ago accepted that New York has made me a huge, huge bitch and have asked me to help negotiate their phone bill overcharges on several occasions.

It's worth noting at this point that New York doesn't turn people into anything ("bitches" or otherwise); it merely extracts the essence of who you already are.  In any case, at this point I figured the piece must be a parody, since while New York City is full of California transplants who do stuff like use credit cards in bars, hassle construction workers, and generally walk around with a sense of entitlement, they're usually not so self-aware.  Evidently though she's actually the real deal, because I checked her Twitter and found this:


Actually, Brooklyn cyclists like the ones she encountered are already on a very long island.  Appropriately enough, it's called Long Island:


Perhaps she's the one who should leave it and go back to California or Manhattan or some other place that's not New York.

Either that, or she should take the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach and get herself a bicycle.  Sure, I don't know the "extent of her crotch" so I don't know if she'd enjoy riding an MCipollini, but I do know that this bike (forwarded by yet another reader) would be perfect for riding in Prospect Park while listening to some Lady Gah-Gah, because it's got some sweet mods:



Scott carbon fiber CR-1 bicycle - $1200 (New Castle, DE 19720)
Date: 2012-04-15, 11:21PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]


Scott carbon fiber bicycle, model CR-1, good condition, Kevlar tires, new chain, replaced hard skinny original equipment seat with comfortable "memory foam" seat. Large size frame [139 mm].


I had the bicycle shop convert it to straight handlebars for better steering control, which could mean the difference in saving you from having an accident when the front wheel of your Kevlar tires with 115 lbs. pressure hits a pot hole, since it gives more leverage for better control than the narrower curved type handlebars.


I also had the bicycle shop drill out bigger tire valve stem holes, to accommodate standard car tire size air pumps. So you won't need to keep an adapter with you at all times. And the shop adapted a kickstand to fit the carbon fiber frame, so you won't need to lay the bike down or prop it against something each time you get off it. It also has extra heavy tire tubes.


The bicycle shop told me this was one of the last USA made Scott bicycles, before they switched to having their bikes made for them in Taiwan. I bought it in 2006, and I noticed that over 60% of the professional bicycle racers at a race I saw back then all had the same type of Scott bicycle as mine. So I presume the "R" in the model designation "CR-1" stands for racing model.


A Taiwan-made Scott model CR-1sells today for $3,000. I paid $2600 for mine in 2006. But that didn't include Kevlar tire up-grades.


Asking a very reasonable $1200. But local pick-up only, unless you pay a shipper to come get the bicycle from me and pay me cash at that time. I've attached four pics of it. Let me know if you want to see more.


NOTICE TO ALL WOULD-BE SCAMMERS: Don't bother send me one of those nutball emails telling me you will send me a [phony] certified check. NO checks of ANY type. Cash payment only.



Yes, don't try to scam this guy--he already fell victim to the one where the bike shop told him his crabon Scott was made in the USA.  I also was particularly saddened by the valve hole drilling, since it's obvious that the seller is one of those people who is unable to imagine an inflation source that's not a gas station air hose.

It does boast a magnificent pie plate though.

149 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi snob!

Chriam said...

PODIUM!

Chriam said...

SNAP! Missed the sprint!

Anonymous said...

Almost. stupid space shuttle distracted me.

mikeweb said...

What the F*ck!

Anonymous said...

Extensive crotch!!!!

Paul Bowen said...

Can I stand next to the podium?

Paul Bowen said...

Not even :(

JB said...

heh

Jasper said...

Early doors

Paul Bowen said...

The terrible things that man did to his Scott make it the Dave Pelzer of road bikes.

Jasper said...

Did you try plugging that Fench phrase back into Google Translate? It didn't give me any clues to what Audrey was trying to say, but since I inadvertantly pasted the rest of the post in there, it did tell me that Sarah Shanfield is "apparemment une dupe et une douleur à temps plein dans le cul". For sure

Jasper said...

Oh, and if you click through, it says "new-york-bicycling-pedestrians_b_1418690.html?ref=comedy&ir=Comedy". Funny ha ha. I couldn't be bothered to wait for the page to load.

Lady Goggles said...

You can't see my Poke Her Face

Quilled and Lugged said...

Wait a minute. Still nothing about San Francisco? Were you so gobsmacked? I'm on the phone to the Piranha brothers right now...

El Smirkyboy said...

Looks like the kickstand is crabon fibre.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

JB said...

I'm not sure which is worse: the cashiers at Chipotle getting one's order wrong at lunch hour or a crabon pie plate.

misster-PISSTA said...

lead group ?

Anonymous said...

115 psi schrader valve?
GOOD LUCK
HAND PUMP

Marcel Da Chump said...

The essence of Sarah...p.u!

Anonymous said...

Glad to have you back in the saddle, Snobster.

balls®

Buffalo Bill said...

Good thing Signor Cippolini doesn't live in New York, the thought of all that essence being extracted makes me kind of queasy.

grog said...

Babe Cameo!

Clark said...

Scott bicycles are like sex panther cologne apparently. 60% of the time, racers use them everytime.

singlespeedwaster said...

Off that leash, and running with the stray dogs.

McFly said...

What are the odds of that Lady Gaga jogging woman was listening to that "Alejandro, Alejandro, Ale Ale Alejandro" song and IT WAS ACTUALLY ALEJANDRO VALVERDE leading that pack having the run in with her? About the same odds of monkeys flying out of my butt. Those monkeys better have rest rings.
APEG RUNT

McFly said...

Clark,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jefe said...

BSNYC, if we can only get those two annoying characters together it might make for a lovely murder-suicide. Her with the Paris Hilton sense of entitlement and him with the Candide-like sense of optimism.

Anonymous said...

How to convert your Scott into a replica "Team Issue MAGNA" in umpteen easy steps.
Ouch.
Great read Snob.

crosspalms said...

Well the nice thing about Sarah Shanfield's piece is that she explains pretty clearly just what the fuck IS wrong with her.

mr. Wookie said...

Artisanal Kick-em-up stands!

Rivenfell said...

Dude that kickstand is way too long, you fart on that CR-1 and it's going down like a fat girl on prom night.
TIPS OVER

Anonymous said...

Hate me! I love it!

Lady Gianni Bugno said...

Sarah Shanfield needs to listen to more Ol Dirty Bastard and get her mind right.

Open your eyes-- oh, isn't this cute, Fullerton CA native, a Boston U grad & "Community Manager at Streetwise Media" (sic).

Also, what the fuck is with her use of asterisks?

PatrickBateman said...

anyone else kind of like how the Cipo bike looks, but are scared to death of Cipo himself? did you see the very end of that video? he may in fact have many, many bodies buried somewhere in a secret dungeon.

Anonymous said...

Interesting :

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-shanfield

Sarah seems to like the old bike, her bio states:

Writer, biker, Brooklynite and Community Manager

Anonymous said...

Amazing you can write for the new York Tims and have to know so little. Also act like a privileged child that will get you the job!

http://sarahshanfield.brandyourself.com/

Brand yourself!

Anonymous said...

Diana R. Eberlein,
I would take you to poundtown despite your obvious character flaws. What does the R. stand for?

Billy said...

Now that you've gotten your barely-concealed Cipollini lust out of your system, can we hear more about cycling weirdness on the left coast?

Anonymous said...

Re Sarah Shanfield.

Sarah actually had that piece published. Sure, it was "published" by the Huffington Post but let's consider the piece published. And not posted.

Published but probably not edited. Damn, I can't imagine it was edited.

Published as in opposition and contrast to "posted".

I am posting. Snob just posted. We are not publishing.

When we see something published, we expect a certain level of sophistication? Editing - self or consultative -included. We need to see skill and thought in an essay. Without these it's just posting. Posting!

An authors willingness to put himself into his readers mind is of real importance to the piece's success. Did Sarah place herself in our seats and hear herself?

I can't imagine.

Critically, as a work of writing, Sarah's essay fails. It's written to be too cute, too snide and too coyly provocative to have any real meaning. And without meaning there can be no impact.

What's your point Sarah? What do you mean to say to us?

Your tags include "Comedy and Humor." You're trying to make us laugh? What a wonderful and kind thing.

But I didn't laugh and the Snob sounds kind of pissed off.

So here's some advice:

Next time, write something funny.

crosspalms said...

Are the New York Tims related to the Piranhas?

Anonymous said...

First, I appreciate that Cipo night rides without lights.

Quilled and Lug, here's a brief SF BRA report for you from a little rider in the back:

If it doesn't stain your clothes, it's probably not epic... this holds for burritos and a lot of other things.

The Rapha guys were surprisingly friendly, but I'm still not buying any $200 shirts. I sort of felt badly for them the way I feel badly for caddies and ballboys who work at a country club, sommeliers at an upscale wineshop or beat cops in an "exclusive" neighborhood.

WCRM remains a funny and entertaining guy. Though while he made have had a revelation, I think he has not yet reached enlightenment.

Was that Gary Fisher in the back of the room? Given how much of my life has been spent with his tubes between my legs, I sort of regret not getting an autograph (or maybe it was just some other guy with a funny gray mustache?)

ringcycles said...

Sarah Shanfield, Brand Yourself?!? I've heard of people who like being whipped, tied up, gagged, even saddled & ridden like a pony. But growing up in Kansas I saw steers get branded. You never forget the smell of seered cattle hide. Branding yourself, well that's just a bit too kinky for me. Must be a NYC thing. But, hey, whatever pays the bills.

Anonymous said...

i love bikecycling, i commute to work by bike, i do loops in central park at 7am in the middle of the winter, i read this blog everyday, etc but i have to admit there are a lot of aggressive asshole bikers out there like the one described in the huffpost article. lighten the fuck up, even if you're a cat 2 this is just a fucking hobby. don't be an idiot and take yourself so seriously. be respectful and careful and try to have a little fun.

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

The only reason those idiotic presta valves exist is because the French were unable to make a decent tire pump for several decades. Now if you don't have presta valves and don't wear lycra, your shit also stinks.


Silly ass fashion slaves amuse me.

Anonymous said...

Anon@1:52

I would be in complete agreement with you if you hadn't just posted that rant without a single instance of correct capitalization.

But since you did, I can only assume you're an idiot.

Have a nice day though.

Moose K Nuckler said...

As a semi-professional bicycle blogger, does it mean you have "made it" when people try to podium in the comments?

leroy said...

BSNYC-

How dare anyone out there make fun of Lady Gaga after all she has been through. Leave Lady Gaga alone!

Oh wait.

I'm thinking of Britney.

Never mind.

On a different topic....

Do you have Sarah Schadenfreude's phone number? My dog is insisting I be his wingman this weekend and she sounds perfect for him.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 2:02.

Blow me. How's that?

anon 1:52

streepo said...

scranus

WildCatEnglishMachine said...

The word is "gave," not "gifted"! Only hipster dufuses say "gifted."

Anonymous said...

DICK TATS

Quilled and lugged said...

Anon @1:41, thanks for the review. Can you do WCRM-style tiny photos to make it complete?
I agree with you about the Rapha staff - I have stopped in a couple of times, and the guys have been sweet and the manageress is super cute, but I'm only buying their stuff when it goes on clearance sale online.
I wonder if the guy with the moustache was bikesgonewild, with or without a digsuise...

Randy Grammar said...

Anon 2:18,
Very nice work with the capitalization of the "B". And the "H". Oh look there is also an apostrophe.....nicccceeeee

Etherhuffer said...

After looking at that Scott for awhile, I can see that my dust collecting Mongoose Crossways 625 is worth way more than I thought! I would have to find an vintage 1995 pie plate though.

Salty and Sore said...

Really?!

That Scott bike makes me sad. Gonna go drown my sorrows in an MCippolini cocktale now..

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 1:41pm & quilled & lugged...

...gary fisher did show up briefly (we bro-hugged at the bra, bro's - we're old pals & i used to work for g-fish) but he didn't stay for the talk...

...bsnyc/rtms/wcrm is funny & entertaining...i thoroughly enjoyed his presentation...

...as for "...some other guy with a funny gray mustache...", yes, that was moi, bikesgonewild but hey, no mustache involved...gray sideburns & soul patch...nothing on my upper lip, not even epic burrito schmuge...

...stevil of 'all hail the black market' was there also, with his lovely wife...nice couple & nice chat w/ 'em before the bra...

...dunno what bsnyc/rtms/wcrm was like before the bras were part of his life but he seems quite comfortable with this aspect of entertaining his troops...

...good time...

El Jefe said...

Such mixed feelings on today's posting:

1) hope for Sara, in that she enjoys Chipotle burritos. The world would truly be amiss if she didn't.

2) Shame at having grown up a near 10 miles from her, attending college at the unfortunate university in her home town.

3) Questions harangue me as to whether my shame at her is merely shame at myself.

Perhaps we are somehow all responsible. Maybe we are the mechanics deftly drilling into good quality wheel set for the whim of a Fred and a few extra dollars.

g-roc said...

I was so convinced the Scott ad was fake. I so wanted to believe it was fake. But there is was, in all it's none-too-photogenic glory. I suppose the ad could still be fake, but there's a bike out there that fits its description. I can only hope the next owner will endow it with an epic cockpit and a filth prophylactic to bring out its full full potential.

zoomer said...

Sarah, Sarah, I suspect that anywhere you lived you'd be a huge, huge bitch. I've encountered your like running in the middle of the bike lane, oblivious to all. You probably didn't hear when you were, politely, warned that a bikecycle was going to pass by you. What option do you leave us but to yell to be heard over your Gaga? Do your earbuds keep the wind from whistling through your empty head?

@Anon 1:52, you ain't helping.

Scranus!

oh, and HUGE, HUGE, WeedPanties

Mr. Fabolous said said said...

too many things funny to comment a-boot (with Canadian accent)

bikesgonewild said...

...you wanna go ga-ga over gaga, buy a ticket to a show or play her loud at home but if you run or cycle with ass buds blaring in your ears, you are fucking clue nada...

...message for 'sarah'...smile, baby...the "heads up" that was screamed in your ear was because the first 2X they undoubtedly yelled "on your left" (maybe even politely) you couldn't hear them...

...that's simply known as a 'wake up call' 'cuz the day you're lost in your own little world of sense & sound just could be the day you don't hear or see that speeding car before it seriously changes your fucking life...

...go back to the park & thank all the cyclists you see...

...you're welcome...we're just tryin' to help you out...

McFly said...

BGW,
Sounds like you had fun at your brush with mehness. Did you check out Stevil's documentary on the evolution of the Tennis ball? Fascinating read.

Kenny Banya said...

Kenny F***ing Banya

Anonymous said...

Tilford blogged about how much he loves his tool today.

I mean tools, how much he loves tools.

And you know ,Steve Tilford does not go bike racing because the word racing implies the probability of losing.

Steve Tilford goes bike winning.

Anonymous said...

Unless WCRM is intentionally promoting the ironic stylings of a Branded (tm)1965 community manager disguising herself as a published author, which would be quite appropriate given his situational awareness, this WTF*uck NY linkage is an unfortunate Catch 22. No more please #occupywtf*nyshittypuff.

Unfortunately that puff piece now has gained more value than a blog post comment along the lines of, "Cippo said 'eating pussy'"...and I prefer that uncompensated comment to the hack writer's comedic sylings. May she find a more suitable day job.

Also, does anyone else who lives in Brooklyn know they live on Long Island? How might this affect the smugness rankings?

Anonymous said...

I hope that they bolted the sidestand on really tight; you wouldn't want it to move.

New chainstays, please.....

I wonder if quilled & lugged's head has been nailed to the table yet?

hey nonny mouse

Kenny Banya said...

"The Rapha guys were surprisingly friendly, but I'm still not buying any $200 shirts. I sort of felt badly for them the way I feel badly for caddies and ballboys who work at a country club, sommeliers at an upscale wineshop or beat cops in an "exclusive" neighborhood."

Gold Anon 1:41, GOLD!

Blog Drafter said...

Diane R. Eberlein: If you hate cyclists...everywhere, it's because your mind is full of hate...everywhere. Cyclists don't have anything to do with that, they just get in the way of your hatred.

Snob: "It's worth noting at this point that New York doesn't turn people into anything ("bitches" or otherwise); it merely extracts the essence of who you already are. " Genius.

wishiwasmerckx said...

WildCatEnglishMachine, only doofuses say "dufuses."

bikesgonewild said...

...mcfly...just read 'said' post...nicely crafted in response to a challenge...

...quite surprised stevil has 'comment moderation' by then again, the way he flies, he prob'ly has a few real clowns to edit out on occasion...

...hope i'm not one of those clowns...

Buckminster Fullerton said...

re: Sarah "Brand Me" Shandling, what kind of native Californian-- let alone an ersatz Brooklynite-- eats fucking Chipotle?

At least Cipo eats pussy.

ladymtbiker said...

I'm with G-roc (3:19pm) on this one; I kept thinking, this has to be some kind of cycling insider ironic performance art piece. And it is nearly perfect-- the big-ass saddle and kickstand are breathtaking. I would suggest the addition of a suspension seat post-- would that take it to that place of perfection, or result in complete erosion of the gag? And is anything else missing?

Jimbo said...

good times

Jimbo said...

good times

CommieCanuck said...

Since when does the "extent of your crotch" have anything to do with bicycle fitting?

For those naked bike ride protests. You want a sufficient seat tube length so your Huang doesn't get caught in the chain.


What? this isn't a problem for you guys?

Anonymous said...

You must have plenty of cash now.. buy this.

http://www.bicycles.net.au/forums/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=51671

As ridden by the greasy one...

yogisurf said...

I always scream 'on your left' to the runners /walkers in the street that are not facing traffic. I wait till I'm good and close to scare the bejiggles out of them. If they mouth off, I use a cartoon voice to say "Face traffic, cu coo". I did it to one lady 3 times, she'd curse at me, now I have not seen her for a year. Maybe she runs a new route. Hopefully she died .

McFly said...

Anon 5:32,
I took the laptop out to the shop and showed THAT cannondale to my cannondale and a small puddle formed under the BBdirty. I say this with an unblemished track record of staunch heterosexuallity, Cipo's oscillating chrome leg is hypnotic....

bikesgonewild said...

...ladymtbiker & g-spot (& a few others)...

...you guys don't 'get it'...

...there's lots a' people out there with (a)- the disposable income to afford what are essentially high end 'town bikes' & (b)- either a word from their doctor or their own sense of physical self awareness or loathing...

...so, whether they 'read up' on their own or some scurrilous shop dweeb 'informs' them that crabon fiber was gonna be the lightest & therefore the best way to go, (sure we can put a kickstand on that - no problem !!!) they make the decision to go this route all the time...

...i've seen bike collabos that were surely conceived by financial standings, ego & little else...

...you & i might go "...whaaa ???..." but to the well off buyer, it makes perfect sense..."i can afford it, make it for me"...the only question the bike shop is gonna ask at that point is "what color ???"...

crosspalms said...

ladymtbiker
Maybe one of those bells that's shaped like a hamburger.

McFly said...

It could use a set of bar ends because it's gonna tip over at some point. And maybe a seat bag only strapped at the post and not the rails so it's dangling like so many yak's scrotums.
YAKS SACK

Anonymous said...

Buckminster Fullerton,

I too feel Californians should have an evolved palate with respect to Mexican food, and they best take all opportunities to experience it in its most authentic, decentralized form.

Being a native Californian, I do like Chipotle. They put sour cream on their regular burritos and they regularly have Barbacoa. Most places don't have Barbacoa. Chipotle fails in that they put a lot of rice filler in their burritos: lame.

Anonymous said...

Extent of crotch = inside leg = standover height?

Anonymous said...

The lesson re: Ms. "Cunty" Shanfield is obvious.
Next time she wonders obliviously through traffic, don't even bother to offer her sanctimonious entitled ass a "headzup".
Just plow right through her with the entire paceline.
If you're going to be accused of being an aggressive asshole - then be that asshole.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, that reminds me of my friend's decision to purchase a custom tandem for him and his wife. They sent in reams of data on their measurements and preferences, and when received, the custom builder undoubtedly opened the envelope and said, "Hey, George, another purple one!"

Quilled and Lugged said...

@hey nonny mouse
He didn't want to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist.

Anonymous said...

Crotch is just a funny translation mistake. The word in French was probably "entrejambes," which can mean crotch, but can also mean inseam. Same issue with waist in the e-mail. "Taille" means waist in some contexts and size in others.

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford keeps ramblin on about having the perfect specific tool for the task that is laid out before him. I don't want to jump to delusions but I am pretty sure he is talkin about someone's mom again.

crosspalms said...

On my way home I ran into the HuffPaste editor (literally -- he stumbled in front of me as he left a bar). I showed him Sarah's post and he agreed with earlier commenters that it could use an edit. So here's what he gave me:

"I was jaywalking in the park with my headphones on when a mean boy on a bike yelled at me.

"Later, I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. No, wait, that was on my iPod. I scared a woman and some kids because I could.

"I'm going to make it after all. Freedom!"

Anonymous said...

@anon 726:
we don't like your kine rown heers, gowan and git!

Anonymous said...

I am going to have to browse the rapha cc bra photo to see what bgw looks like.

BGW, were you the dude that asked "now that you are and accomplished author. . . ?"

DERF said...

Super Mario will break you open like a shotgun and pump you full of Italian albino tadpoles.. That's going to be SO awesome. I hope someone is there to video it.

Anonymous said...

I am pretty sure he records all of his encounters no matter how trivial.

McFly said...

WIWM,
Thats funny because my boss at work had a "custom trek tandem" made for him and his wife (she is dead now) and it's just been sittin there and I said let me tune it up and give it a whirl and he's all "No it would never fit ya'll it has been custom made for our dimensions", OOOOOOOOOOKKKKAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY....I don't think it's purple though.

Somewhere in the Desert said...

I've just been having a Loonngg conversation with two Lon Gisland girls (Bay Shore), and I've been forcibly told that Brooklyn, the Bronx and Queens are Not considered a part of Long Island- that Only Nassau and Suffolk counties are. B, B & Q are three of the Five Boroughs of the City, while the rest of the Island is where people dream of moving to. Even most people in Brooklyn don't think of themselves as Long Islanders. At least that is the Long Island attitude is. (and the girls are still talking about it as I write). They are rather insistent on the issue.
Boy did the Long Island thing fire a heated discussion here...

Jefferson said...

Go now, don't look back, we've drawn the lineMove on, it's no good to go back in timeI'll never find another girl like you, for happy endings it takes twoWe're fire and ice, the dream won't come true(CHORUS)Sara, Sara, storms are brewin' in your eyesSara, Sara, no time is a good time for goodbyesDanger in the game when the stakes are highBranded, my heart was branded while my senses stood byI'll never find another girl like you, for happy endings it takes twoWe're fire and ice, the dream won't come trueSara, Sara, storms are brewin' in your eyesSara, Sara, no time is a good time, oh(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/starship-lyrics/sara-lyrics.html)Sara, Sara, storms are brewin' in your eyesSara, Sara, no time is a good time for goodbyes('Cos Sara) Loved me like no one has ever loved me before(And Sara) Hurt me, no one could ever hurt me more(And Sara) Sara, nobody loved me anymore(Solo)I'll never find another girl like youWe're fire and ice, the dream won't come trueSara, Sara, no time is a good time, oh(Repeat chorus)Sara, Sara, storms are brewin' in your eyesSara, Sara, no time is a good time, noOoh Sara, why did it, why did it, why did it all fall apart...

Anonymous said...

Just wandering in beer-thirty to post the last comment B4 triple digits. Sarah, please get the physical therapy you need to rotate your head from left to right before crossing the street. Thank you.

skink said...

Dylan's Sara is the best.

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g-roc said...

bgw, I don't doubt there are countless rides out there that transcend the term frankenbike, but the way the ad was written made it seem fake.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 9:44pm...close but no banana...

...if you'll recall, what i actually asked was, "...now that you've become legitimate in the publishing world, will you stick with bikes or will you write about other things that interest you in your life ???"...

...believe me, there was certainly no 'irony', negativity or anything but pure interest implied...

...eben has both a delightful wit & the ability to consistently create a wonderful "...turn of phrase..." & with two fun paeans to cycling, as well as all that blogging, i'll admit that i honestly think he has the potential to become "...an accomplished author..."...

...whilst not following other 'blog authors' regarding different interests or activities by way of comparison, i'll suggest bsnyc/rtms/wcrm is part of the vanguard of 'media crossover' artists now involved with the written word...

...it's being done in publishing & music & i enjoy & think enough of eben's work that i hope he makes a killing as both a critical & financial success...

...just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...g-roc...nothing would surprise me, one way or the other, in that regard...

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but could you all please refer to Bikes Gone Wild as Bikes Gone Wild rather than BGW?
I have a friend who goes by some thing similar and every time I read BGW I think Big Gay Wandy instead of the correct Big Gay Randy.
Every time. It's making me crazy.
Thanks everyone.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 11:14pm...used to enjoy big gay randy's cycle adventure posts on dc until he 'douched' all over that mtb race a number of years ago...

...dirty b is my go-to adventure cyclist these days...you gotta admit his recent 'lake powell' vid was stone cold delightful...

...by the way (see how i didn't do 'btw' to confuse you more ???), bikesgonewild & bgw are kinda synonymous at this point...

...just the facts...

leroy said...

Told my dog about Sarah.

He said she sounds cute, even though she doesn't realize Lady Gaga is from Yonkers, which is not part of Long Island.

I knew Sarah was his type. He only dates bitches. He is, after all, a dog.

He wants me to find out if she's seen "Lady and the Tramp."

leroy said...

Somewhere in the Desert --

Ask your friends why Long Island College Hospital is located in Brooklyn Heights overlooking New York harbor.

That ought to be good for 15 more minutes of discussion.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one confused by the picture of the Scott when it is advertised as a large, 139mm frame size? That's just under 6 inches in old money. Is the seller also talking "extent of the crotch"? Are the cars in the picture the sort your kid pedals Flintstone-stylee? As Sarah would say, what the f*ck?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Skink, Fleetwood Mac's "Sara" is the best, although it is indeed tough to defend "Tusk" as anything but a tribute to hubris...

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, is Bikesnob's side project "ShedsnobNYC" not enough for you? Sheesh, there is no pleasing some people...

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

I had a look at the Rapha site to check out Snob's latest Boredom Raising Appearance and came across Rapha's advertifilm: "VAN DIEMEN'S LAND". Wow. Grainy film captures grit and suffering on desolate roads of gravel under dark, ominous sky. Set to the sounds of grainy gramophone; ominously dark, desolate drones; and gritty, gravel voiced poetic recollections of suffering during dark days of desolation. An ominous grain of darkness runs throughout this gritty portrait of gravel. My favourite part is when they enter the dark and desolate wilderness and the long lost cannibalistic descendants of an escaped band of convicts pick the cyclists off one by one. My only criticism relates to the title. I would have gone with: "Tas... MANIA!".

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...hmmm...i will admit to having forgotten about 'shedsnobnyc'...

...perhaps a dramatic 'thriller' novel based on the concept...

ce said...

I forgot to add "grim" in there somewhere. I've got some ideas for Rapha's new slogan:

"Rapha. Grim Up"

"Rapha. Grim To Go"

"Rapha. Get Your Grim On"

"Rapha. Winners Are Grimmer"

Anonymous said...

I and don nit no wat you ar saying aboot

skink said...

wiwm. "staying up for days at the Chelsea Hotel,
writing 'Sad-eyed Lady of the Low Lands'
for you"...a song which references another song by its own writer is pure genius. Sara was Dylan's first wife...wondering who was Stevie's Sara? "a poet in her heart" !...o.k...you got me.

skink said...

wiwm. "staying up for days at the Chelsea Hotel,
writing 'Sad-eyed Lady of the Low Lands'
for you"...a song which references another song by its own writer is pure genius. Sara was Dylan's first wife...wondering who was Stevie's Sara? "a poet in her heart" !...o.k...you got me.

McFly said...

Sarahhhhh, SaraaaaAAAAHHHHHhhaaa storms are brewin' in your eyes...

Sarahhhhh, SaraaaaAAAAHHHHhhhaaa no time is a good time to go rideeee....

Anonymous said...

Sandwiches are beautiful. Sandwiches are fine. I like sandwiches. I eat them all the time. I eats them for my breakfast, I eat them for my lunch. If I had 100 sandwiches I’d eat them all at once!”

McFly said...

FOFONOV IS OFF THE FRONT GOING AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure Ms Eberlen doesn't hate all cyclists, just the spandex clad neurotics who make all of us look bad.

Bill said...

That Scott is amazing. Surely that's the first time any Dura-ace component shared a frame with a 3" thick gel saddle.

Rex H said...

That Craigslist post kept going like the energizer bunny and gives the World's Greatest Madone a cat 6 race for its money.

Rex H said...

That Craigslist post kept going like the energizer bunny and gives the World's Greatest Madone a cat 6 race for its money.

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Wannes said...

The lady from the French shop is only asking, in a very polite way, for the necessary info to offer the client a good service - in a correct bike size.
And yes, there is an unfortunate mistake in her translation. But at least she tries to speak English! The reader also could have asked in French, since that is the language they speak in France, in case you didn't know. Sometimes one should think 'a little bit further than ones nose is long', as we say here, instead of feeling ridiculized.
By the way, a compact (50/34) crank is very common for racing bikes, next to double (53/39) and triple cranks. It's hard to believe you haven't heard that concept before.

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Kids Motorcycle Helmets said...

i commute to work by bike, i do loops in central park at 7am in the middle of the winter, i read this blog everyday, etc but i have to admit there are a lot of aggressive asshole bikers out there like the one described in the huffpost article. lighten the fuck up, even if you're a cat 2 this is just a fucking hobby. don't be an idiot and take yourself so seriously.

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Sarah Shanfield said...

Haha, hi! I'm the writer of this post that you mention, and I know it's quite late for me to find this but I wanted you to know my piece was a total parody! I write parodies about new york extremities; silly stuff like brunch and taking the subway and of course, almost getting run over by bikers! it's so funny the way the post was received - i've received huge responses from other things i've written but this was different; it seemed people were very sensitive about running over others, being run over, and assessing how in tune with the city pedestrians are. I'm not quite sure what to make of it - one thing I am sure of is that I don't think that not looking where I'm going makes me a bad person - but I do know that it was a joke, one that I will probably make again, and a lesson i will learn forever: speed up! - sarah shanfield

Sarah Shanfield said...

Haha, hi! I'm the writer of this post that you mention, and I know it's quite late for me to find this but I wanted you to know my piece was a total parody! I write parodies about new york extremities; silly stuff like brunch and taking the subway and of course, almost getting run over by bikers! it's so funny the way the post was received - i've received huge responses from other things i've written but this was different; it seemed people were very sensitive about running over others, being run over, and assessing how in tune with the city pedestrians are. I'm not quite sure what to make of it - one thing I am sure of is that I don't think that not looking where I'm going makes me a bad person - but I do know that it was a joke, one that I will probably make again, and a lesson i will learn forever: speed up! - sarah shanfield

2GirlsTeachSex said...

Jogging is healthy.

Regards, Mikes
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