Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Getting Your Goat: Everyone Hates a Bike Thief

Bicycles.  They're fun.  They're efficient.  They're practical.  Sometimes, but not always, their frames are filled with candy.  And also, it's pretty easy to steal them.

There's an expression that goes, "There's no such thing as a free lunch," though whoever coined it obviously never pulled off a successful dine-and-dash at Denny's.  Nevertheless, there is some truth to this expression where bicycles are concerned.  See, the great thing about a bicycle is that all you have to do to use it is jump on it and go.  Unfortunately, thieves also figured this out almost immediately, and ever since then they've been jumping and going on other people's bicycles.

You'd think people would stop finding this surprising, but they don't, and even savvy urban cyclists like Casey Neistat still find it amazing:

I hate bike thieves as much as any cyclist and I also enjoyed the video, but I'm not really sure bike theft is our biggest problem here:

New York City has installed 260 miles of bike lanes over the past four years. Ridership increased 20 percent in the last decade and cycling has gone from something for tattooed risk-takers to the everyday commuter.  Meanwhile bikes are still being stolen.

Yes, bikes are still being stolen, but I'd like to see the city address the pesky little problem of drivers killing cyclists and getting away with it before they turn their unique brand of ineffectuality to the nuisance of bike theft.

I was also surprised to read this:

Solutions to the bike theft problem are hard to find. More bike racks in better-lit areas, stronger locks and bike garages all help.  But ultimately, greater public awareness may be the only way to substantially curb theft. If someone saw a car being stolen, they would surely call the police. Why should a bike be any different?

What?  I can't imagine there is a single person in New York City who would call the police if they saw a car being stolen.  Car alarms go off in this city constantly.  When was the last time you heard one and said to your friend, "Someone's car must be getting stolen!  We'd better investigate!"  Plus, how do you even know whether or not a car is even being stolen in the firt place?  Who's to say whether someone's stealing some sweet rims or just fixing a flat?  Is the guy with the slim jim a burglar, or is he just some schmuck who locked his keys in his car?  Is the person hunched under the steering column hotwiring that Honda Civic, or is he merely trying to fellate himself?  I don't know, I don't care, and--especially in that last scenario--I just look away and walk on by.

Really, the only way to be 100% sure someone in New York City is stealing a car is if that someone is David Byrne, since we all know he doesn't own one.  You can be sure if I saw David Byrne trying to fellate himself in the front seat of a car that I'd call the police immediately.

By the way, when discussing barriers to cycling in America it is customary in the discourse of smugness to evoke either Amsterdam, or Copenhagen, or both, and given this I would be remiss were I not to point out that bike theft happens in both of these cities as well, yet people still ride.  In fact, I wanted to learn more about bike theft in Copenhagen, so I flew all the way there via first class and then read Mikael Colville-Andersen's blog in my hotel room.  It turns out lots of bikes get stolen in Denmark (that's the country where they have Copenhagen), and I also learned the following:


First, a bit of background. In Denmark, bicycles are covered under your household insurance. If you have storm damage on your house, break a vase or get your bike stolen somewhere in the city, it's the same policy that covers it. You may have to pay an extra fee for bicycle insurance, but it's not excessive.


When I buy a bike, the bike shop registers the frame number and my name into the system and my insurance company thereafter registers it in their system.


If my bike gets stolen, I register the theft on the police website - takes a couple of minutes - and then call or email my insurance company. I'll usually get a pay-out within the week. It's quite a fluent system.


On the other side of the coin, if I get caught stealing a bike, I am required to pay a fine of 1400 kroner [$280 / €186]. Not that anyone is looking for the perps. In 2008, the police caught the thief in 0.46% of all cases.

Typical Europeans subsidizing criminal behavior.  It's disgusting.  Thank the Lord Jesus Christ we would never do that here in America.  No, in America we deal with our problems American Style.  If the problem is getting run over by cars when we're on our bikes then we just pretend to be cars and engage in "vehicular cycling."  And if the problem is people stealing our bikes then obviously we should engage in "vehicular bike parking."  So instead of locking your bike to a street sign or rack, simply parallel park it alongside the curb and leave it there.  This is called "taking the space."  Don't worry, nobody will steal it or move it out of the way or simply run over it.  Instead, they'll respect it--you know, just like they respect you when you're riding around covered in wrist mirrors and pretending to be in a car.

Again, none of this is to excuse the bike thieves.  It's merely to say that expecting a stranger to stop your bike from getting stolen is like expecting your cat to manage your retirement fund.  No, stealing a bike is low--though arguably not quite as low as stealing a goat:


stolen goat in bronson


Date: 2012-03-09, 9:06PM
If you know of anyone who mysteriously came up with a brown nigerian dwarf goat around Bronson. They stole it from me. To day someone jumped the fence in to my horse pasture opened a pen and stole my goat. If you know of any useless scumbag theifs who are lower then the crap on the bottem of my boot please email me. If you are the scumbags that stole my goat, you know where I live, bring your yellow cowardly thieving asses on over and I bet you will never steal anything again.. sorry bitches

I was disheartened to learn about the theft, though I was pleased that the victim used the appropriate old-timey livestock thief slang by calling the perpetrator "yellow."  (Though it would have been even better if he'd used the more formal "yellow-bellied.")  It also occurred to me that it was only a matter of time before people started keeping goats in trendy urban neighborhoods and they became the new fixiebikes, though as it turns out I'm like a year too late:


Yes, it turns out goats are just as ill-suited to life in the city as track bikes are:

Yet she admits that raising them in her San Francisco backyard has its challenges. The goats mangled her white tiger nectarine tree, gnawed her redwood fence posts, gorged on her grapevines, swallowed her Victorian tea roses like candy and tore off the waterproofing mat under the siding on her house.

Oh, and also this:

And in September, one of the goats spent several weeks covering Ms. Kooy with bruises and scratches whenever she approached its udder, an experience that she described on her blog as “pure milking hell.”

You might think that getting the crap kicked out of you by a goat instead of going to the store is stupid, but it's actually "part of re-envisioning food production in the urban landscape:"

"It’s part of re-envisioning food production in the urban landscape."

And apparently another part of re-envisioning food production in the urban landscape is having way too much goat cheese:

“Suddenly, you have a quart of goat cheese every three days,” Ms. Grant said, chronicling some recent creations from her dairy bounty: pizza with caramelized onions and goat cheese, rosemary goat cheese soufflé, goat cheesecake with a hazelnut crust. “It really changes your cooking.”


That is a fuckload of goat cheese.  Still, between the frequent beatings and the sickening abundance of chèvre the appeal of having a goat in the city is undeniable.  New Yorkers really need to get with the times and legalize goats in the city, since we're so out of it we're still messing around with chickens:

At this point it's becoming increasingly clear to me that there's an urban/rural inversion happening, and if I want to live someplace where my neighbor doesn't have pigs and cattle I'm going to have to move out to the country where the people are sophisticated.  Plus, if I stay in Brooklyn it's only a matter of time before I get taken out by a cow on the Manhattan Bridge:

(Forwarded by a reader.)

Feel free to insert your own "beefy bottom bracket" joke here: ________________.

But how to fund my move to the country?  Well, I'm considering marketing a "Nonplussed Male Models of Cycling Calendar," and (via a reader) I think I may already have found Mister January:


And obviously it's a given that Nonplussed Bibshorts Guy will be included:


As will his arch-nemesis, Assos Guy:


(Assos bib shorts now come with a free spray tan.)

And even the Kitchen Time Trialist:

 

As for Hipster Skinsuit Model, I'm still debating his inclusion, since I can't see his face so I can't be certain he's actually nonplussed:


Though given the poor fit on that skinsuit you'd think he'd have to be.

160 comments:

Jasper said...

Early doors

Anonymous said...

Fist?

Jasper said...

Sweet

Anonymous said...

stinky bike lanes slowed me down

Astroluc said...

I'm not reading it first today... I did that yesterday before I realized I could've been on the podium.

pebes said...

top tentacles

Anonymous said...

Hey Ladies!!!!!!!!!!

theEel said...

Bob.

Weed.

Jimbo said...

go jimbo!

Billie Bonghitz said...

Almost made podium but I dropped me power bong during the sprint and crashed 100 yds short of the finish.

Anonymous said...

WHOA!! Top Ten?? now to read it.

Anonymous said...

Snob,

Has Ben Kingsley returned your messages yet??

Anonymous said...

My sister used to live on the Danish island of Bornholm. She claims the bikes were being stolen by Polish sailors.

McFly said...

Fodder

Commissaire said...

Ok, there should be a rule for the podium race!

Once you have secure your podium place, that's it!

That means your are allowed ONE post for the top three places.

Do not repost again and again saying how sweet that is.

Stick with one post and enjoy your success (or not).

Signed Your favorite Commissaire

Bradley Wiggins said...

All You Haters Suck My Tribal Arm Band

Anonymous said...

Snob. I do not know how you do it. Day after day, with the exception of occasional breaks for various reasons, you write this stuff and just nail it NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN! What's that in terms a NY Yankees fan could understand, batting 300? I don't like baseball so I don't know but if that's the metric you Nooyawkers would prefer then have it it.
Impressive feats of blogging. I don;t think Tilford has a chance at that upcoming blogoff.

Jimbo said...

and now I am off to a re-envisioning of my scranus

Chris W said...

Assos guy, maybe. Assos girl, definitely!

disgruntl Ed. said...

You might think that getting the crap kicked out of you by a goat instead of going to the store is stupid, but it's actually "part of re-envisioning food production in the urban landscape:"


"It’s part of re-envisioning food production in the urban landscape."


This gave me such joy. With such simple pleasures, who needs quarts of fresh goat cheese? I thank you.

The King of Park Slope said...

I'm sure Warhol didn't milk his own goats ... he had Edie Sedgwick do it for him.

Anonymous said...

Quite a lot of controversy regarding the definition and current usage of our friend "nonplussed".

Google it and wiki your afternoon away learning the TRUTH about nonplussed and what she/he/it has been up to lately. I suspect your minds will be blown!

pebes said...

Anon 12:30
Could have been the knights templar, Bornholme (which means bung-hole in Danish)was swimming in those bastards at one point in time.

pebes said...

*"bung hole" in Danish - not "bung hole in danish" cuz then it would just be a donut.

Hairy-legged roadie said...

Re bike short models: I was getting a haircut the other day and looked at the Bicycling mag in the rack (I wouldn't actually go out and buy one), and noticed that all the photos featured guys who look like 190lb. track sprinters, but in the articles they keep using 150lbs. as the typical cyclist's weight.

Bicycling has some body shame issues.

Cipo said...

eating pussy

Cadel Evans said...

Found out this week that cheeseburgers are not an ergogenic aid. Crap!

Anonymous said...

I was moooved

The Original Palm Pilot said...

- Critical Masturbation Group Ride Tonight -

Circle Jerk at Park follows. Eye protection, hankie and helmet required.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

True story: When we was kids my parents moved us out to the country to do the homesteading thing. We had laying hens and a few goats. I liked the milk. I'd have mine on ice to thin it down a bit. My sister thought it was disgusting. Sometimes you'd find a hair in it. I still make fun of her over it.

Cadel Evans said...

Screw it, I'm calling that Italian doctor whatshisname?
Maserati?
Lamborghini?
Stupid phonebook

Anonymous said...

How many Polish sailors does it take to steal a Danish bicycle?

crosspalms said...

Obviously the solution is to lock your bike to your goat.

Billy said...

Undeniably funny post today, Snob! Thanks!

I have to admit that I have helped raise chickens too, but I actually lived out in the country, in a farmhouse no less, when I did so.

I did pass some turkeys in the road today. And no, that's not a mild epithet. Actual turkeys. They had the cagers all backed up. I guess I should be glad the alpha turkey (turkey rooster?) didn't try to ram me off my bicycle.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, little late today. I was out investigating what looked to be someone stealing a car. Turns out it was just a brown nigerian dwarf goat auto-fellating itself.

Der said...

Hey I saw that ebay auction weeks ago.
We joked about it Mark!

ZOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DerZoots said...

@ pebes

LOLing very large over here.

Tak.

zoomer said...

Top fitty!
and... Weed Panties!

McFly said...

They stole it from me. To day someone jumped the fence in to my horse pasture opened a pen and stole my goat.

Why is the latch on the inside of the pen? Does the horse have opposable thumbs? Also if you built bike garages in NYC wouldn't homeless people just move into them? And Squat? They seem to squat an awful lot.

singlespeedwaster said...

Top 50! See you next Tuesday!

Anonymous said...

McFly's got it.

Occupy Bike Garage!

wishiwasmerckx said...

I will be on the lookout for that sweet Adidas skinsuit at my local Adidas outlet mall store...

Cadel Evans said...

"Bicycles. They're fun. They're efficient. They're practical. Sometimes, but not always, their frames are filled with candy. "

or Gruber assists.

g-roc said...

Some frames are filled with candy? Am I the only one here dumb enough to admit the undeniable and irresistible temptation generated by this newfound knowledge? I'm dangerously close to being pushed over the edge into a life of crime. Look at what you've created Snob - a whole legion of sweet-toothed bike thieves. Shame on you.

Anonymous said...

unfortunately people don't want to risk their well being to stop someone from stealing a strangers bike. Understandable. The problem is that the cops do zero to catch bike thieves so it's not a very risky venture to steal bikes hence the preponderance of bike theft. homeowners or renters insurance generally covers bike theft, however, deductibles tend to be in the $500 range per incident so unless your bike cost more than that you are out. so basically aside from risking your life riding your bike around the city you also have to deal with the fact that there is a very high likelyhood that your bike will be stolen. I've had 3 stolen in the past 4 years. It sucks but not enough to discourage me from riding to work, which still beats the subway enough to deal with the constant threat to body and property that comes with it.

Anonymous said...

SKIN SUIT

mikeweb said...

The second place Casey stole his own bike at is my old block when I lived in the East Village. They used to shoot scenes for NYPD Blue there sometimes. One time when leaving for work the directors chair was blocking my front door and Rick Schroder was standing in the middle of the street.

On Franklin ave. in Clinton Hill Brooklyn the people who own a run down Victorian have a chicken coop in the front yard and about a half dozen hens.

Anonymous said...

Assos girl is indeed SUPER MEGA hot...

Guess i´m gonna have a problem pedaling when thinking about her..

Marcel Da Chump said...

Hey! That's my goat!

wishiwasmerckx said...

G-roc, please be careful. There are a lot of beat-up white vans out there also filled with candy...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 1:40, I have always taken great pride in my cycling equipment choices. I cannot even fathom having three stolen. At some point, do you just give up, buy a Magna and willingly give up on fit, quality, function, etc?

Gianni Get Your Goat said...

How unusual-- white woman of privilege (Heidi Kooy), important and enslaving African chattel (goats).

What, American goats weren't good enough for her, or was she afraid they get 'uppity' and ask-- demand-- their rights?

And I thought Portland was bad!

Is That Goat Cheese said...

or are you just really happy to see me? SPLAT!

Jefe said...

Specialized fills its frames with candy, but it's that nasty carbon taffy. There's a warning sticker on the bottom bracket not to eat more than 350 grams or else the bike is out of warranty.

Blog Drafter said...

Funny post.

...& i must remark about a Prius comment in yesterday's comments section. Nobody buys a Prius to harass cyclists. Plus they're very narrow cars that leave lots of room to manoeuvre around them. Prius drivers are cool towards cyclists, and I'm not saying this because I happen to own one.

Chèvre used to be hip. Now it's just goat cheese, unless it's being consumed in a Prius.

That Assos girl has never been on a bike in her life. There's no definition where there should be.

In closing, let me just say that it appears that Chris Horner is a studmonkey.

Anonymous said...

fellate is easy, fellate is funny.
fellate yourself & save your money!

leroy said...

Dude, I would so like totally follow a blog called "Goat Snob NYC."

Tomek said...

As a Polish Sailor I have to agree here. There is nothing like returning to Gdansk with a ship full of bicycles, preferably stolen...from the Danes.

Tomek said...

As a Polish Sailor I have to agree here. There is nothing like returning to Gdansk with a ship full of bicycles, preferably stolen...from the Danes.

Anonymous said...

Assos girl? Where? I must have mist her.

Anon @1:40 you were sooo close to fitting in here.

"unfortunately people don't want to risk their well being to stop someone from stealing a strangers bike"

Three bikes stolen?

nscadu 9 said...

Please snob, less livestock more bikes.

nscadu 9 said...

Please snob, less livestock more bikes.

Black Job Placement Lady said...

"As far as I can tell Kramerica Industries is one man live in an apartment on the West side that may or may not contain a chicken."

BJPL said...

*living

PhilboydStunge said...

this goat, theft, non-plussed model stuff is all well and good but I still want to talk about ass savers and upcoming BRAs in my neighborhood. Instead of AYHSMB can mine say BIPU?

grog said...

Where does Recumbabe fit in your calendar?
Christie thinks we're all idiots.

bikesgonewild said...

...those were spanish cows being goaded on (not goated, goaded, dammit) by a spanish farmer in a silver pickup truck, to chase a yellow jerseyed 'berto contador on the climb...

..."fuck you & your clenbuterol excuses, you little bikefuck !!!"...

Bisso said...

Sorry grog but recumbabe is one of the most non nonplussed riders ever. She couldnt be more plussed

Jasper said...

@Commissaire

I've come back from the victory party to read the blog with added comments over lunch - and damn good it was too - only to be told I'm not allowed to gloat over getting two podium spots. Well, I did, and if it happens again, I shall.

DerZoots said...

Hey Jasper,

Forget that "podium rules" noise.
You ride your own race.
If Cipo could have had two podiums in one race he would have.

Eating
Panties

don the cyclist said...

71

Billy said...

@Anon 2:52 PM: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=assos+girl

don the cyclist said...

only had one bicycle stolen,35 years ago,i was drunked,left it in the front yard of a married woman i was banging and when i went to leave ,bike was gone. J.C.Penny bike. now when i bang married women,i put bicycle in the garage.

CommieCanuck said...

"In Denmark, bicycles are covered under home insurance..."

...and home insurance is $45,000 a year.

CommieCanuck said...

Prius drivers are cool towards cyclists, and I'm not saying this because I happen to own one.

"...now I know what it's like to drive a vagina..."

Mark Wahlberg in "The Other Guys"

McFly said...

I miss Tim already. With his logical progression of reasoning and own special brand of low tolerance for bullshit. Fucking one hit wonders, they never cease to amaze me. C'mon Eileen.

Anonymous said...

Wildcat Rock Machine,

David Byrne is full of shit.
He still drives that big red Cadillac convertible with the bullhorns on the hood and Jim Jarmusch riding shot gun.

-sPike Lemming

JB said...

Wow, somebody really got that guy's goat.

Anonymous said...

My friends pointed out that you posted a picture of me in my skin suite.
First I am wondering which one of them forwarded it to you so I can kick their ass.
Next you should post a follow up shot with my bibs dropped exposing the 'Angel of the Sun' tat that covers my chest.

Cheers
AXL

MLTD BUTR said...

I indeed want to claim a parking spot adjacent to the curb, but I figured ten bikes ought to take a parking space, that way it would be rather affordable.


On a different note, I was startled by this expression of yours:
"Thank the Lord Jesus Christ"

Not that I have any problems with expressions of gratitude to religious entities, but I thought maybe you were backsliding vis-a-vis The Lob.

Watch out, if you are not careful you may end up in Pure Milking Hell!

Photo Slut said...

Have access to a color printer and a small brush and some wheat paste?

Flyer Campaign

Anonymous said...

I think of poets as outlaw visionaries in a way.
Jim Jarmusch

Luke said...

Considering his build that Sky skinsuit model might actually be Wiggins.

Blog Drafter said...

Commie Canuck @ 4:45

Har, good one.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that's precisely why I delivered the joke.

Shawn said...

I leash a lobster to my bike instead of locking it. The Lob strikes fear in the hearts of any potential thieves.

Anonymous said...

Please no Haysuss paddywacking on the snob blog.

Anonymous said...

Wiggo would be a perfect nonplussed fit for the calendar.

Mod, look like a heroin addict, or dreading to drive up to the top of the cliff to take a beating from my wife?

Anonymous said...

Anom 6:24

You make it sound like Wiggins is a character in a Lemony Snicket book.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Because somebody posted yesterday that the new book was already on the bookstore shelves, I stopped off @ Barnes and Noble on the way home. It was not yet on display, so I asked the overweight middle-aged woman at the order desk about it. When I started to elaborate on BikesnobNYC, she became annoyed and cut me off with a curt "I know who BikesnobNYC is."

Jeeze, don't tell Eben...his head is big enough already...

Jasper said...

@DerZoots

His motives may be the same as mine - getting to snog two podium girls...

Anonymous said...

Even if it's "wacky" news to abclocal-dot-com, as someone who's currently recovering from a broken left wrist and broken right shoulder blade as a result of a run-in with a deer on my daily commute, I can sympathize with that cyclist who was hit by the cow and see not much wacky about it. The only up-side: he'll have a good story to tell later.

m said...

As seen in a Montreal bookstore yesterday.

(Click on image)

Anonymous said...

I am a professional adviser and would recommend that you steer clear of a launch and bra tour.

Guys will not give you the panties(scalps)if you continue to tame down you principles.

It is fine time you pull an ejaculation tour.
Hit the rather soft spots of masturbation in the country.

Double dog dare you.

McFly said...

Can I just say, with a staunch track-record of animal rights advocacy under my belt, that goat is hands down the single utmost NONPLUSSED animal/mammal/male model/kid/farm critter I have ever seen in my entire life. He should be your new NONPLUSSED POSTERGOAT.

McFly said...

I would like to see non-plussed bib shorts guy remain so with some lady named Heidi tuggin' on his nipples. THAT'S the next level of NP.

Anonymous said...

McFly

That motherfuckers nipples bleed every time he wears bib shorts.

Electrical tape on the nipples doesn't help...too big.

McFly said...

ASSOS guy looks like the fucking Terminator and Carlos Sastre had some sort of bastard love child.

Secret Victoria said...

crotchless panties

WPVelo said...

101st!

non-plussed bitches.

shazayum!

WPVelo said...

so if i never GET a goat,

then no one can get MY goat?

chickens, or as i prefer to spell it, "cheekans" can't make it in the city where things as tasteless as _bicycles_ are stolen. exception of course given to those filled with candy. FOR THE birds will be stolen by yellow-bellied omelet eaters and (mc)nugget junkies.

beans and cornbread

Anonymous said...

That NY Times video seems to just be a take on this video from a few years bac:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooa3NVfFlEU

Mikael Colville-Andersen said...

Home insurance may cost $45000 a year in denmark but the average wage is $8 million. something the third world blog commenters tend to forget.

Mikael Colville-Andersen said...

Home insurance may cost $45000 a year in denmark but the average wage is $8 million. something the third world blog commenters tend to forget.

Anonymous said...

so people, what's the DEAL with modern shifter cables? Am I right?

The old days, they'd last for years. Shifter cables today, you have to switch them out every 20 miles. I mean, c'mon shimano! Trying to become the next gillete?! Sell us the levers really cheap, then get us on the cables!!! I have to carry 4 pounds of cables and tools on a century charity ride....

Am I right people?

shifter cables....

http://stevetilford.com/?p=18405

DerZoots said...

At Anon 11:29

Your shifter problem is the charity ride. Avoid those and you won't have any problems.
Don't worry about Tilford he lives in an alternate universe.

JDH said...

Typical Europeans subsidizing criminal behavior. It's disgusting. Thank the Lord Jesus Christ we would never do that here in America.

Seriously. Vote Ron Paul. He won't do anything for cycling, but he will show the CEO's and lobbyists the door. And, you won't have to thank Jesus Christ, unless, of course, you want to.

Anonymous said...

I supose riding a folding bike might be better than having a normal bike stolen every other day.

All Fred's are non plussed as evidenced by the cover of Bicycling Magazine and all it's articles and advertisements.

bikesgonewild said...

...so wishiwasmerckx...i think the real implication is kinda obvious here...

...when an '...annoyed...(&) curt "I know who BikesnobNYC is." is muttered under the breath of "...an overweight middle-aged woman at the order desk..." of a "Barnes and Noble", i'm thinkin' she's gettin' kinda defensive, ya ???...

...she's hidin' something & i think i know what it is...

...hey, if bsnyc/rtms/wcrm wants a little 'strange' on the side whilst bra/book touring & he's 'takin' care of bizness' for these overweight middle-aged women booksellers, who are we to stand in judgment ???...

...just sayin'...

P. Stable said...

"...see the city address the pesky little problem of drivers killing cyclists and getting away with it before they turn their unique brand of ineffectuality to the nuisance of bike theft."

If only it were unique. Enjoy your next visit to London, where the Mayor's office is in the habit of building bike lanes that end in the middle of busy intersections, commissioning reports that say a junction is potentially lethal and ignoring it until a cyclist gets crushed to death by a truck, and redrawing traffic lanes to make bridges even more dangerous for anyone not in a car.

Anonymous said...

Just wondering why Assos Man has cameltoe...

Anonymous said...

when i shift i just grab BGW's cock and yank it.

ashcroftchops said...

I had a serious collision with a quart of goats cheese that ran a red light earlier. Damn you rural/urban hipster goats cheese junkies!

Anonymous said...

ANON 1:54,
I cannot decide what's more disturbing...Assos' man camel toe or the fact that you bird dogged it.

Bod said...

All I want to know is just how many Venge's equal a fuckload of goats cheese?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

useless scumbag theif said...

Stolen Goat Panties

McFly said...

Not even one "udderly disgusting" pun out of 117 comments? Tim's gonna be so proud.

Anonymous said...

Duh! How does anybody not know that goats will eat anything not nailed down, then eat the nails and what they nail down too?

Anonymous said...

My goat ate my beefy bottom bracket.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Maybe Tim is actually the overweight middle aged woman at the B&N order desk.

McFly said...

RCT,
No way, fat fingers would have caused at least one or two missed key strokes. And she would be too lazy to go back and check her work. Tim is indeed the real deal, the Fun Police. You need to tighten up your game.

ladymtbiker said...

Have I just been lucky, or is having 3 bikes stolen in 4 years (or some such) a sign of some carelessness (to paraphrase an Oscar Wilde saying-- losing one parent is a tragedy, losing two smacks of carelessness)? Here is a two-part method for not getting your bike stolen: 1) use a lock; 2) ride a beater around town. I love me my oooold Trek 850 fully rigid cherry-red-with-lots-of-marks-on-it MTB. In Boston, no one has given it a second look.

Nationwide Auto Loan said...

I'm not examining it first these days... I did that last night before I recognized I could have been on the stage.

OMR said...

Lovely shoes ! It's perfect for the summer

http://www.xtraorbit.com/1366.html

Julia Leytes said...

Hi Bike Snob NYC
I am sure you get thousands of emails, but please please read ours. It is from bike2power and 30daysofbiking (sent from bike2power@gmail.com).
Thanks and happy happy pedaling,
Julia

heart rate monitors said...

I know someone living on Danish Island and guess what he says:"sailors are doing it all"
heart rate monitors

Guide to Raising Goats said...

It has been some time since I visited website with such high quality information. Thank you so much for providing such helpful information. This is really informative and I will for sure refer my friends the same. Thanks.

Jack Olivia said...

Good Posting, Every one can learn something. Best Regards,CEO of Make Making Money

Sadia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bike Locks said...

Is the person hunched under the steering column hotwiring that Honda Civic, or is he merely trying to fellate himself?

Robert said...

Bike thieves suck so much ass

Anonymous said...

valium no prescription needed is buying valium online illegal - cheap valium thailand

Anonymous said...

buy alprazolam online without prescription xanax 1 mg rp - risks xanax overdose

Anonymous said...

ativan cost ativan vs xanax side effects - lorazepam 1 mg mylan

Anonymous said...

xanax cheap what is xanax high - xanax dosage options

Anonymous said...

diazepam 10 mg diazepam in dogs side effects - buy valium online with paypal

Anonymous said...

lorazepam mg drug interactions ativan and alcohol - lorazepam 1mg orfidal

Anonymous said...

ativan mg ativan to valium conversion - gravol ativan withdrawal

Anonymous said...

valium diazepam can buy diazepam mexico - 10mg diazepam high dose

Anonymous said...

ativan pills ativan xr - ativan dosage by weight

Anonymous said...

discount ambien ambien side effects yahoo - generic ambien hangover

Anonymous said...

order ambien ambien mayo clinic - buy ambien from usa

Anonymous said...

cheap carisoprodol soma online sale - carisoprodol 350 mg street value

Anonymous said...

generic zolpidem ambien cr cost at walmart - ambien dosage increases

Anonymous said...

order soma carisoprodol medication - carisoprodol dosage 700

Anonymous said...

ambien without prescription ambien quickly does work - ambien stories hallucinations

Anonymous said...

buy valium no prescription needed generic version of valium - migraine medication valium

Anonymous said...

buy somas carisoprodol 350 mg - 90 tabs - carisoprodol name brand

Anonymous said...

buy valium without rx valium show up drug test - 10mg valium cost

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online e 79 pill ambien - ambien cr and headaches

Anonymous said...

valium online canada valium side effects in dogs - can you buy valium

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online generic ambien zolpidem side effects - ambien sleep

Anonymous said...

buy valium online street names drug valium - buy valium in china

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol without prescription soma drug warnings - soma online cod

Anonymous said...

buy valium online buy valium online in the uk - valium high heart rate

Anonymous said...

buy valium online price for valium 10mg - valium best way take

Sadia said...

Excellent post. I want to thank you for this informative read, I really appreciate sharing this great post. Keep up your work.
Make money

James said...

Bike thieves are a serious pain! This year we chose a Motorhome Hire holiday. Whilst on our tour, all our bikes were stolen off the back of the campervan! Because we had not locked them up using the insurance specified device, guess what? the insurance refused to pay!

Anonymous said...

HD kaliteli porno izle ve boşal.
Bayan porno izleme sitesi.
Bedava ve ücretsiz porno izle size gelsin.
Liseli kızların Bedava Porno ve Türbanlı ateşli hatunların sikiş filmlerini izle.
Siyah karanlık odada porno yapan evli çift.
harika Duvar Kağıtları bunlar
tamamen ithal duvar kağıdı olanlar var
2013 Beyaz Eşya modeller
Sizlere Güvenlik Sistemleri ayarliyoruz
Arayin Hırdavat bulun
Samsung Nokia İphone Cep telefonu alin.
Super Led Tv keyfi

Amatör Porno - Amcik Porno - Anal Porno - Asyali Porno - Bakire Porno - Erotik Porno - Esmer Porno - Fantazi Porno - Gay Porno - Götten Porno - Grup Porno - Hard Porno - HD Porno - Hemsire Porno - Latin Porno - Lezbiyen Porno - Liseli Porno - Olgun Porno - Oral Porno - Rokettube - Sarisin Porno - Sert Porno - Tecavüz Porno - Travesti Porno - Türbanli Porno - Türk Porno - Ünlü Porno - Yasli Porno - Zenci Porno - Kari Koca Porno - Hayvanli Porno