Monday, February 6, 2012

Taint Fair: The Mercurial Podium

Is there such a thing as an objective reality? Sure, there are certain aspects of life that are objective and non-negotiable: we all need air to breathe; we all need water to drink; and we all agree that scallion cream cheese makes a really bad toothpaste. Beyond that though, it's pretty much every person for hermself. ["Hermself" is gender-neutral for "himself" or "herself."]

I certainly acknowledge that the reality in which I live is a construct, and indeed I work very hard to maintain that construct. To say I live in a bubble would be inaccurate only because you can actually see out of a bubble; I live in sort of a mirrored and tinted bubble of solipsism and denial that filters out everything I find objectionable--which is to say pretty much everything. And one of the most objectionable things to me is sports.

In my world, there are no sports. (Though there is, oddly, a bidet.) Sure, I can't help notice the people who walk around in baseball caps or who plaster a team's name all over their car, but it doesn't make those sports any more real to me. Really, to me a team logo is like a Jesus fish or any other religious symbol--it's merely a sign of faith, and a reference to something that doesn't exist in any material way. There's little difference to me between, say, following baseball and keeping a kosher diet. Last night's Super Bowl is about as real to me as the Great Flood--though both are equally real to at least some people:

Incidentally, if you're wondering whether Noah took any dinosaurs on his eponymous ark, the answer is an empatic "yes:"

Wow. I wonder if Noah's Ark also had a bidet.

Anyway, there is one exception to my no-sports rule, and that exception is cycling. I do follow the sport of professional cycling (albeit in a leisurely fashion), and I do so for two simple reasons:

1) I like to ride bikes, so sometimes it's entertaining to watch other people ride bikes really fast;

and

2) I like it when the bike riding people have funny names:

Unfortunately though, in choosing one sport to pay attention to, I seem to have picked the dumbest sport in the entire world--one that makes even caber tossing seem sensible in comparison:

(He totally looks like he's "foffing off.")

So, why is cycling the dumbest sport in the entire world? Well, because a year and a half after the 2010 Tour de France and nearly a year after the 2011 Giro d'Italia, the guy who won both those races suddenly didn't win them anymore:

Sure, the "tainted meat defense" was laughable, but nevertheless I have to agree with Unfrozen Caveman Bike Racer's take on this one:

(Did Noah take cavemen on the ark? Their continued existence today would indicate "yes.")

Belgian cycling legend Eddy Merckx said he was “shocked and disgusted” by the CAS ruling.

“Once again it’s cycling that pays the price,” Merckx told AFP. “It’s an excessive punishment. It’s bad for everybody, for the reputation of cycling, for sponsors.

“It’s as if someone wants to kill cycling. They took two years to make this ruling. It’s that that is not good.”

By the way, in the course of the interview Merckx dropped another bombshell as well:

Merckx added: “I’m neither an expert nor doctor."

Holy crap, Merckx is not a doctor?!? This would explain why he rarely wears a stethoscope, and also casts new light on his abysmally poor heart transplant success rate:

("Dr." Merckx was also a "cannibal" in the operating room.)

Anyway, like professional bike races, most Hollywood movies are also full of plot holes and improbable outcomes, but at least after you've sat through them the studio doesn't try to close those plot holes retroactively by sending you a letter like this:

Dear "Mission: Idiotic" Fan:

According to a panel of experts, it turns out that it is actually impossible for a human being to leap from the top of a 30-story building, grab onto a helicopter's undercarriage, and soar to safety. Therefore, after a year of deliberation, we've decided that protagonist Mike Hunt (as played by Tom Cruise) does not in fact survive until the end of the film and is in fact dead. Nevertheless, we hope to see you next summer at your local theater for "Mission: Idiotic XIII," which will star a lesser Baldwin brother to be determined at a later date.

Sincerely,


Schlock Studios

As far as I'm concerned, they should reinstate Contador as winner, and on top of that the US government should refund all the tax money that they used on that pointless Lance Armstrong investigation, which as far as I can tell was a conspiracy designed entirely to boost the ratings of "60 Minutes." Then, just for fun, somebody should analyze the urine and blood of every member of the New York Giants. That should help put things in perspective.

Speaking of Lance Armstrong, a reader has just forwarded me an article from the "Globe and Mail," which contains the following passage (emphasis hers):

The whiff of taint surrounding the American, the most dominant cyclist since Eddy “The Cannibal” Merckx, stems mostly from the say-so of people like Floyd Landis, former Tour winner, convicted doper and ex-teammate-cum-stoolie.

Eeew.

Meanwhile, in other news, Europe is apparently experiencing a deadly cold snap:

There's certainly nothing remotely amusing about people dying of cold, nor would this story outwardly have anything to do with cycling. However, I couldn't help contemplating the implications of this quote towards the end of the article:

“Suddenly your walk home on Saturday night becomes this slightly epic voyage,” said Mr. Thomas’s sister, Orla Alexander, a magazine editor who lives in Islington.

I had no idea there was such a thing as "slightly epic"--I always just assumed it was impossible for something to be "slightly epic" in the same way it's impossible for a woman to be slightly pregnant. If, however, I've been wrong all this time and it is indeed possible for something to be "slightly epic" then it's only a matter of time before Rapha brands the concept and introduces some sort of charity ride line:

(Rapha Meh: half-shorts for short rides.)

If you're a charity rider who has been lamenting the lack of $200 DayGlo pinnies in the marketplace then you'll be pleased to learn your days of misery are numbered.

Speaking of cycling attire, the helment debate rages on, though I'm sure most of us would agree that no helment is better than a stolen helment (as forwarded by another reader):


Sacramento police responding to an alarm call at a bicycle store on H Street at 3 a.m. this morning saw a man walking in the vicinity, wearing a bike helmet.

The man, who police said had cuts on his arms, was detained while officers checked the business.

Police found the front window of the store was broken.

It also appeared that a helmet was missing, according to the Sacramento Police activity log.

Police arrested Nicholas Velieux, 30.


You know how it is: it's three in the morning, you're high out of your mind on several illicit substances, and suddenly you realize your head is completely exposed to falling asteroids and space lizard rayguns. So you do the logical thing and smash a bike shop window, and the next thing you know you're detained while a police officer "checks the business:"

(Checking the business.)

Still, it's better than almost being run over by an unmarked police car on a bike path:




To the two NYPD officers in the umarked going over the WBurg Bridge... (Brooklyn)
Date: 2012-02-01, 2:32AM EST
Reply to:

Hey guys, I know one of your buddies got shot last night, that sucks. BUT, you guys came so close to smashing into me head-on while you were driving up the bike path on the bridge and I was riding home form school, it was all I could do to swerve out of the way and yell "WATCH OUT!"

Thanks so much for telling me to fuck myself. Yes how dare I get in the way of your stupid fucking car in the middle of the bike lane. Keep up the good work!


At least they didn't also ticket him for swerving.

135 comments:

leifer said...

FIRST

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

winner two years from now

Christian said...

ANDY SCHLECK.

Ed said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

sfdshfjhd b

Jasper said...

Early doors

Anonymous said...

Top Ten.

Eat Me...

Clen always wins!

Anonymous said...

top ten, and freezing.

RB1 said...

It was very beautiful, and i had to push my bike along the river to get home, but it was not slightly epic.

Anonymous said...

toooop teeeeen?

shu-sin said...

poh-di-uhm???

Anonymous said...

Snub, You have a bidet?

Man, I sooo want a bidet. It's my dream to have a bidet one day. I cannot over emphasize my desire for my own in home bidet.

Squirt. Love it!

OBA said...

What's a pinnies?

Buffalo Bill said...

I bet those cops were on the way to an important meeting with a cum-stoolie. No time for pleasantries.

Not Kenny said...

Gold Snobby, GOLD!

JB said...

Gisele's scranus.

PostsWithManyNames said...

Top twenty.
I'm laughing big time today.
Awesome MOndays.

Anonymous said...

You ain't gonna go play that fooosball Wildcat Rock Machine.

NotWorkingGoingRiding said...

MostZooted...

Matt said...

Cum-stoolie is a bit graphic. Why didn't they just use 'santorum'?

sufferist said...

What? I swear, I looked down to see what gear I was in, looked up and there's 20 comments....man you guys are serious at your craft...Time to get my tainted meat on the grill...

Anonymous said...

Maybe the "whiff of taint" was from Lance's bidet? You get one free with the maillot jaune.

Old Europe said...

it´s so fucking freezing over here, you can´t even roll a doobie.

and that sucks big time.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

More curling videos please.

sufferist said...

What? I swear, I looked down to see what gear I was in, looked up and there's 20 comments....man you guys are serious at your craft...Time to get my tainted meat on the grill...

Anonymous said...

Islington, eh...?

"Yah, we couldn't move the Porsche so we had to walk Tarquin to school. It was so horrific"

No snow here. Lovely bright day.

hey nonny mouse

Hairy-legged roadie said...

Snobbie, don't forget the third reason you watch pro cycling: "3) I have selective amnesia and completely forget or ignore the constant drug scandals because I like my 2-wheeled entertainment. Please don't annoy me with bad news (I still haven't gotten over revelations about Santa)."

Homer J. said...

Mmmmmmmm............Tainted beef.

Anonymous said...

Is 'bidet' French for handicapped water fountain? Because I had to bend waaaay over to get a drink.

mikeweb said...

Schlecktastic!

Yeah, I'm sure that Ray Kelly scans CL every day looking for complaints like that.

Eddie Meh-rxcx said...

I'm in Schleck Schock

Anonymous said...

Snobby - is vito the helper monkey out sick. Your typo rate is way up. BTW - it's Ethan Hunt.

T. Cruise

streepo said...

Great joke, Daddo!!
scranus

Anonymous said...

Eddy "the cannibal" Merckx is obviously angry about the Contador decision and its consequences on sponsors, since he organizes the Tour of Qatar.

Yes, a Tour in a fucking flat piece of desert...

Anonymous said...

I drank 6 shcleck-cum-stoolies for breakfast.

wishiwasmerckx said...

My stomach is full of anger over Schleck's ingratitude.

crosspalms said...

You don't care about sports yet you mention Herm? This will raise eyebrows in the football and/or beer ad community.

And I think it's epic, epicker, epickest (with epickest being the universal emetic), so that woman was probably on the right track but perhaps deranged by cold and snow. It happens.

grog said...

Great Lob hermself approves.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mr. BSNYC, I write to defend the honor of my made-up name.Tthere are certain things so sacred as to be off-limits for being profaned, and calling Eddy Merckx a Neanderthal is one of them...

jimbo said...

slightly epic

Like the time I rode out w/o my patch kit, got a flat, walked home, jumped in the pool and called it a Triathlon.

petrus said...

That's hilarious! People still believe in the super bowl?? LMAO! I use bowls all the time. When I really have to go, the toilet bowl is one of my favorite, but I'd never call it super. Rock on, "sports" fans.

Anonymous said...

@jimbo: your "slightly epic" marathon is sure to be the next big thing. Best start trademarking it now!

sufferist said...

Taint Fair? Is that anything like the Renaissance Faire?

JB said...

Anon @ 1:03pm: No, Snobby's right, it's Mike Hunt.

Anonymous said...

"Somebody should analyze the urine and blood of every member of the New York Giants. That should help put things in perspective."

Ah-ha -- the everybody cheats so it's ok defense. Snob, why don't you get a job on Wall St.? You'd fit right in.

Anonymous said...

Ethan Hunt

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethan_Hunt

Mr. Katie Holmes

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:32pm,

I'm pretty sure it was Mike Hunt.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Charlie Didrickson said...

The Mexican drug cartel's really need to get it on that cycling bike racing. And Pfizer...

Dr. Feelgood said...

"Mike Hunt" was the made-up name Snob used for substitute teachers....along with "Dick Hurtz".
Actually, Mike Hunt is the fictional brother of the fictional Ethan Hunt.
And no sports!? What about bike polo???

Anonymous said...

< teammate-cum-stoolie >

Was Santorum a bike racer?

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous Coward said...

@Anon 1:25; no, it's called parity.

Anonymous said...

Super bowls smoked on every
watch the steroid documentary

Bigger, faster, stronger its name
Americans cheat to gain money, fame

Eddie might've taken EPO or doped
if millions in contracts be groped

Sorry to've missed the MI movie,
so T. Cruise can taketh my monie

One Who Knows said...

Wow, this Monday- post is "slightly epic." Berto's belly was full of Clen and the Frandy Schleck gets kicked up a notch.

Marcel Da Chump said...

unreality check

Anonymous said...

With all respect to Merckx, his saying that dope testing is ruining cycling (a charge legions of racers have proclaimed) is a load of bull.CHEATERS are ruining cycling.

Anonymous said...

In similar fashion, here in Oakland CA, the city has installed a cameras at traffic stops.

Chronic red-light-runners have launched a lawsuit to stop this.

Here's a hint, you don't want a ticket for running a red light, how about you obey traffic law?

Anonymous said...

CONTADOR still rulz. Andy's got his ass kicked and still got his ass kicked. The End.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Swerving?

These fools be swerving:

http://experimentalistsanonymous.com/other/pfreakz/swervin.mp3

bikesgonewild said...

...contador, while a great rider, has been, next to ricco, the whiniest little bitch in cycling, for years...

...ricco was too stupid & incompetent to be allowed back into the family but contador tried to pull off a sly maneuver & when it didn't work, rather than suck it up like basso & countless others, he pointed that little finger bangin' pistelero at everyone & everything but his own incompetence...

...politics bit him on the ass & it couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy...

le Correcteur said...

The clenbuterol must be wearing off. After a week of mostly top 20s, here I am 60ish. But still, WRC, this one's classic; and it's not just you, it's 90% of the US population:
"I live in sort of a mirrored and tinted bubble of solipsism and denial that filters out everything I find objectionable--which is to say pretty much everything. "

Blog Drafter said...

This increases my serenity.

Anonymous said...

@anon 2:20

With all due respect, where precisely does EM state that dope testing is ruining cycling?
He appears in this instance to be referring quite specifically to the amount of time it took the various 'bodies' to arrive at today's decision.

mikeweb said...

@bgw,

Couldn't agree more. All the same, it's sad for the sport because of course the MSM will pick up on this story, since it's the only type they ever cover widely about this sport that we love.

Also, I remember something about the pistolerito threatening to retire from bicycle racing altogether if he was given a ban of any time at all. So?? We're waiting...

Anonymous said...

Frandy Schleck had better enjoy its little "victory" in the '10 TdF (2010: *A. Schleck) ... almost certainly the first and only time it will win the thing.

I can't stand AC (agree with bgw above), but he will be back.

Prediction:
1. AC will win the Vuelta this year (pretty sure the 'ban' allows him back).
2. AC will win the TdF again in 2013, and quite possibly a few more.
3. Frandy Schleck will NOT win this year's edition.

Anonymous said...

Are they testing for the hootie rat?

bikesgonewild said...

...ya, what's up with this retroactive ban bullshit ???...

...the guy has been racing the whole time so make him sit out 'til february 6. 2014 if, like you say, mikeweb, he doesn't keep his word & retire...

...which, we all know ain't gonna happen...

...the only "good" thing about the situation has been here all along & that's how little regard the world in general gives our sport & so, despite merckx's (no wishing - the real guy) protestations, this latest
'...crisis mode...' will all be forgotten soon...

...sponsors will come back (we've seen it before) once the economy comes back (slow drip) & your non-cycling friends will drop the subject ("...so what's this i heard about doping in 'biking' THIS time...")soon enough & we'll be back to the same old schleck, i mean 'shit'...

...trust me...

CommieCanuck said...

I actually beat Leifer, but the CAS took away my win 30 minutes later. Evidence of a nanogram of heterologous flop sweat.

CommieCanuck said...

So...Bjarne Riis won the 1996 tour de France, despite 56-60% hematocrit, but he only lost his title when he admitted he was doping to the gills, so they stripped away his 1996 win.
Lance Armstrong won 7 tours, as the only member of his team that did not dope. He never tested positive, thanks to donations to the testing lab.
Ivan Basso was caught intending to dope, but did not dope with Riis, despite the fact that since his return, he's won fuck all.
Now, Alberto Contadoper is stripped of his 2010 win, giving the title to Andy Schleck, hence, back to Bjarne Riis.

I'd watch this movie, but frankly, the plot sounds too made up.
Fuck them all.

Anonymous said...

well at least now alberto will have more time to irrigate his bride.

there's always an upside...


balls®

Jasper said...

@ hey nonny mouse - are you not going to make the point about the cable tosser having something under his kilt. He sure ain't Scottish.

@ anon 2:25, I agree with you completely, but the stories I read were that the Oakland traffic bandits were largely miffed that the fines were much steeper than anywhere else in the country.

Buy-cycle said...

71

Lord Hayden said...

remind me to get "Slightly Epic" crocheted onto the front of my Speedos

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford does not wear a helment whilst riding. Or, while foffing off (I assume)

bikesgonewild said...

...anonymous 'balls' @ 3:49pm...

...did you say 'irrigate' or 'irritate' ???...

...or is that just me projecting ???...

...i never much liked the guy but that little scenario at the 2010 tours mountaintop stage finish, where after fucking his 'friend' andy schleck over, he puts on the big disingenuous 'buddy hug', fake smile, bullshit routine & i just about choked up my dinner...

...i hope she rubs in the whole
'bistec' thingy every time she cooks him his dinner...

Anonymous said...

@juanpeloto likes our story and our kickass Wheaties box.

Anonymous said...

I wonder why Cheryl Crowe told Armstrong he could go fuck himself after a limp dick call after hearing about her breast cancer diagnosis?

Dooth said...

Gino Bartali believed there was divine intervention in pro cycling, so he went to church and prayed before a race. Metaphysical doping? The results are in the books.

curious said...

Is anybody else wondering about the police car on the W'burg Bridge? A full-size police car? Can you actually fit one on there? The Brooklyn-side ramps are pretty narrow. I live right next to it but I've never seen a cop car on it. Maybe one of those little scootery things?

just wondering.

Anonymous said...

I performance enhance every single thing I can.
I smoke dope in my Prius on my way to see the therapist.
I do steroids because it makes working out more effective.
I also do Viagra because it makes my cock harder for a longer time.
Prior to riding with my buddies I hit the Primatine Mist.
These things all give me an edge.

Rock on.

bikesgonewild said...

...jasper & anon 2:25pm...

...fines here in the bay area for "...red light running..." are $480.00 whereas the most expensive fines elsewhere around the country are in the $200.00 range, with many places being as low as $100.00...

...here's the rub(s)...

...the original intent was to stop people from running straight through intersections at the last minute which makes absolutely perfect sense...that can be as dangerous as it gets as 2, 3 or more lanes are starting to accelerate across the intersection...

...in fact, upwards of 80% of the tickets issued are for right turn situations wherein the camera goes off as someone is making a turn...

...i got nailed...drove up, knew the light was gonna change but there was no traffic whatsoever coming from the left 'cuz it was late at night & i literally STOPPED (guaranteed) & proceeded to make my right turn, knowing it's legal in california to turn right on red...

...camera goes off in the middle of my turn as the light was changing, i get the ticket in the mail, i feel the need to set a court date to protest, do so, show up & the 'traffic adjudicator', not a california state judge might as well have been honest & said "look, pal - the city of sf is broke so i'm ruling against you 'cuz we need your dough"...

...THAT i could understand...not agree with but understand...

...his assessment, as insulting as it was, was pure fabrication...

...so...to get a 'traffic court' date in san francisco you have to appear in person...i don't live in the city so that's two trips into town, one to set the date & one to appear, add in bridge fares & parking, which anywhere near the "hall of justice" is astronomical 'cuz they know they've got you by the balls so tack that on & even if you don't count the time missed from work or play, you've talking about a huge financial outlay for farcical reasons...

...i try to be an honest guy...if i hadn't stopped at that light, i won't have posted this...

...& i took the time here so certain folks might understand there's sometimes more than meets the eye to these situations...

bikesgonewild said...

...read "...i wouldn't have posted this..."...

Anonymous said...

BGW, thanks for oversharing.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:54pm...fuck you very much for mentioning it...

...sometimes, people actually talk "real issues..." here...

Anon 5:54 said...

Huh? Real issues? I thought this was mostly for pee-pee jokes...

Krys Hines said...

I'm coming in with the "laughing group"...Piano! K

Anonymous said...

Would someone volunteer a rub for @BGW?

Still curious about that cop car said...

Thanks for that story BGW, I found it enlightening vis-a-vis the right turn on red issue. Maybe they don't have that quite figured out...

But I'm still waiting to hear from anyone who's seen a police car on the W'Burg Bridge bike lane- a police car??

Anonymous said...

Anon@6:31
Not sure about a rub for @BGW, but could to an after diner Skype circle jerk? Got breath mints.

Anonymous said...

My hands are still all greasy from yesterday's hot wings and brain a bit fuzzy from the Superball keg stands.
Why are people going to jack off the Bikes gone wild guy?

Anonymous said...

Ha! Ha!
He said Pee Pee!

Quilled and Lugged said...

@bgw. I'm not sure this is the best place for car-related sob stories, though it is a sad one.

Anonymous said...

Not sure about the circle jerk, but it would be fun to get @BGW liqueured up around a camp fire and listen to him rattle off for a few hours.

bikesgonewild said...

...bikesgonewild doesn't get 'liquored up' these days...not for years...

...a beer (one) (a good one) for the game & that's it...

...but thanks for the campfire offer...

...shit, some people obviously think i talk too much...

...but then again, if you look closely, they all seem to have their own little agenda, ya ???...

...just sayin'...

misster-PISSTA said...

Misster pissta-checking in with my pending SFPD story. In july or so some tourist walked out in front of some rider on a bianchi pista and died on august 11th after being in a coma for a month. The week after she died the SFPD had plainclothes officers walking out in front of cyclists seeing how they would react and then giving them warnings or citations.
In early september I was riding on clement street (little chinatown) on a monday holiday. I rode through a crosswalk with pedestrians closing on both sides, I DID make eye contact with the lead walkers and had plenty of room,as did the rider behind me, bells were rung as well.
Officer Fewer (badge 33) Pulled me over a block later, he agreed it was a waste of his time but he had a mandate to on that day only issue citations for pedestrian bicycle infractions, I recieved a citation for being within 6 feet of a pedestrian in a crosswalk. On a holiday afternoon I strongly doubt you could be anywhere on clement street and NOT be within six feet of a pedestrian.
I had to wait an hour in line to get a court date when I went in in early october, and the soonist court date I could get is in march.
There is talk of traffic school for bikes, which I agree might be needed,at least on those days where I am passed silently on the right by some gutter bunny hipster.
the fine is over 200 bucks which I would rather spend on tires film or beer. I'll post a photo of the officer giving me a citation one of days as well as the aftermath of the first incedent which I happened to pass by and photograph. SO my point first they came for cars and I did nothing becuase I never owned a car.. then they came for ...ME? yikes bicycle traffic school? I'll do it only if its taught by John Forester or ellen fletcher......

Anonymous said...

Now that is some funny shit!

Anonymous said...

What does leroy's dog say about all this?

Anonymous said...

what does Bill O´Reilly say about this?

Anonymous said...

Bicycle traffic school is a great place to go to pick up chicks.
Think about it.
Young
Wreckless
Lawless
Eating sea salt an vinegar chips

I look at bicycle traffic school as an open ticket to fun.

mander said...

Cum-stoolie

Anonymous said...

Some of you guys are such bonerkillers!!

Billy said...

Brilliant Snob! Glad I didn't read this at work today or they would have called the medics when they found me gasping on the floor under my desk from laughter.

McFly said...

Where's that Rapha-Meh Half-Short Love Ride going down/off at? THAT, my cyber friends, would be some slightly more that semi-epic HOODWINKING! Just because there is snow on the hood does not mean there is not a fire burning in that wink. It's science.

Anonymous said...

More *than

cheva said...

mike hunt

baha haha

Anonymous said...

I endorse @BGW as official camp master and The Budnitz as rainbow master.

-spiKe lemming

Anonymous said...

Hood winking doesn't exist in the urban dictionary...calling bullshit on this one.

Bill Oh,Really? said...

Pin Heads!

bikesgonewild said...

...misster pissta...

...clement st, in the avenues, after midnight, late night...one word = 'king of thai'...

...yum...

Enos Cabell said...

i envy your indefference to organized team sports. My fanatacism is responsible for a plethora of useless facts, trivia and names; knowledge which i'd gladly replace with another language.

leroy said...

Note to self --

Ask my dog if he'll return Kickstarter pledge for "This Can't Be Toothpaste" scallion cream cheese franchise.

Apparently, it's been done before.

Mark said...

As a proud masculinist, I am deeply offended with your “humorous” use of the term hermself. Replacing beautifully phallic “i” with the soft egg-like “e” is treacherous and deeply un-American. Retraction with an accompanying video apology (like our hero David Byrne required of that scallywag politician) is a starting point.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Pista and BGW

Bay Area Peeps,

Got two tickets for running a red light on S. Van Ness. Painfully large tickets; shame keeps me from talking about it. Stupid of me to drive in the city, nuf said.

Some dude, not on a Pista, though, hit some old tourist, she died. There was a very shitty newscast--i.e. you can see how cheap and stupid newcasters are.

I run red lights and such on my bike-right in front of cops--all the time. They could give a shit.

BGW--King of thai is legit

tgs said...

You should write a thing about how doping is the chupacabra of the "serious" roadie. No one gets angrier about doping among the pros then these guys. The fact they for all intents and purposes suck at cycling is then projected onto the idea of doping, and they can then tell themselves that they are actually awesome fast, and the only reason they aren't pros themselves is because they don't dope.

Anonymous said...

We like our story.

Clive said...

Let's everyone relax and take a deep breath. If we ORGANIZE and WORK TOGETHER we can change some of this awful stuff, okay?

misster-PISSTA said...

to anon 11:20
its Misster Pissta

and I happened to be on the embarcadero that morning and wondered what the cops were doing with a lone bike on their cars and lots of do not cross tape.. If my memory serves it was a chrome bike it think it was a pista.. after I drop that tri-x film in the soup and make an enlargenment I will know for sure..but I do think it was a pista.....

misster pissta to you..

bgw..and others..MY outer richmond fave food spot is moscow tablisci bakery on Geary and 21st ave 2 dollar prioshkis....yummm

Anonymous said...

When in the red light district you may pay a large bill and if you get lucky you may also win herpes or syphilis.

Roll dice.

bikesgonewild said...

...misster pissta...i'll keep that in mind to try...

...the real deal with the 'king of thai' is that it's the late night godsend...

...jeez - we're gonna get ripped by some on-line hilpster for being too like serious & domestic & shit...'cuz we like food...

Anonymous said...

BGW & Mr. Pissta -- get a room.

Anonymous said...

BGW & Mr. Pissta -- get a room.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Pissta -- TLDNR.

bikesgonewild said...

...oh sure, mr anon 1:18am...

...some late night, you're gonna be in san francisco, hungry & wishin' you'd paid attention...

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McFly said...

If I have to take a random drug test and they fire me then I am going to quit working here. IT WAS THE STEAK, DAMMIT!(I had to eat the steak because I was very, very high and had the munchies)

Wyatt said...

if you want to find good examples of crack-pot creationists the answers in genesis site is pretty hilarious. They're the same people who run the creation museum in northern Kentucky.

http://www.answersingenesis.org/

Superbe Pro said...

epic slight

Anonymous said...

In handing out dumbness awards, it's maybe useful to distinguish between cycling and cyclists on the one hand and on the other hand the fat old farts at the UCI who are more concerned with marketing and chain stores than with chain rings.

Kenneth Trueman said...

I went to junior high with a guy named Mike Hunt.

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john said...

2) I like it when the bike riding people have funny names:"

But other sports have that too!

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