Friday, February 3, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Like most cyclists, I am a dork. And like most dorky Americans, in addition to bicycles I also have a soft spot for British humor. (I was one of those people who would describe Monty Python skits in detail as you grinned politely and backed away slowly.) For this reason, I was very pleased to discover via the Twitter a new British humorist by the name of Andrew Grimes, whose recent "Why the bicycle has no place on our city roads" is as fine a piece of absurdist comedy as any I've encountered:

This column is a tidy little English garden of Dumbassery, and I can only assume that the newspaper in which it appeared needed a sudden infusion of website visits an therefore put their best "troll" on the job.

Meanwhile, moving from comedy (unintentional or otherwise) to drama (unintentionally comedic or otherwise), and from Britain to British Columbia, I recently came across the trailer for an upcoming series called "To Catch A Bike Thief:"



In it, some enterprising vigilantes employ GPS-enabled bicycles to track down bike thieves. I don't know what they actually do with the thieves when they catch them, but this is Canada, so I'm assuming they then administer a severe scolding. (This is colloquially known as a "Canadian beatdown.") And even though the show has yet to premiere, there's already a dumbed-down American version, which you can view here in its entirety:



Amazingly, they managed not to run down any pedestrians or cyclists while in pursuit, though to all appearances they did their best. Ah, America: Where countless vehicular wrongs inside of a one-minute period apparently do make a right.

And with that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll be pleased, and if you're wrong you'll see the next hipster bike.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and watch out for reckless "duders" chasing bike thieves.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






1) Which came first, the Ghost Bike or the ghost bike?







(36ers are like sooo 2010.)

2) The hot new mountain bike wheel size is apparently:

--π





3) This pendulous product is called the:

--The "Low Hanger"

6) In a momentous occasion for freedom and democracy, which beloved Portland institution was recently returned to its rightful owner after being confiscated by police?






7) This book contains:





***Special Medical-Themed Bonus Question***


(Diner perusing the menu at "X-Ray's," a popular chain of medical-themed restaurants.)

Doctor's orders! No more:


100 comments:

Anonymous said...

Early bird gets the podium!

Zip said...

Second?

Anonymous said...

Luv u, Wildcat!

Anonymous said...

Damn, early day and just missed podium!

Anonymous said...

freakin early Top 5 for Huggy!

Anonymous said...

PEACE OUT.

Anonymous said...

BOOYAH!! TOP TEN!! WOW!! EARLY!!

Anonymous said...

TOP TEN YEAH

petrus said...

Holy Bees! IL min late and IX!!!

mcfly said...

top ten

yofilly said...

Good morning, Snobby!

misster-PISSTA said...

OK now you finished the quiz .. take a sick day and place thee buttocks in your saddle...

5am not even top 10 left coast handicap

McFly said...

Peace out? Isn't that what they said to O.J. when they turned him loose?

Anonymous said...

McFly @8:02 -- I think it was more like "Peace off". Or would have been if they had been British.

c double said...

Too much wednesday weeeeeee...

Anonymous said...

Wow, early today.
I mostly read your posts a day to late.
Now I am to 20.
Woooo ooo.

Anonymous said...

carpet!

JB said...

I expect a new post around lunch time.

Anonymous said...

Top 20!

Anonymous said...

'Naddles?

Anonymous said...

early Ghost

Anonymous said...

In Canaday, bicycle theft is a two minute minor. Like highsticking.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

where is my coffee?

Anonymous said...

Yawn.

Anonymous said...

I live in Manchester and although I'm not entirely sure what sort of drugs this Andrew Grimes fellow is on, I want some and it looks like I should be able to source some locally. Yippee!

You can tell the article isn't properly researched because most of the hi-vis crew around here are in bright yellow, not orange.

Critical Mass outside the MEN car park tonight anyone?

MANC KNOB
YLLW JCKT

Marcel Da Chump said...

"Gone with the quango"

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, and just so we're clear, on the whole Manchester is very nice to cycle around indeed with very little HGV traffic.

Kenny Banya said...

That new hipster bike is set up pretty sweet

Anonymous said...

Nice to know vigilanties perform
What donut munch cops often scorn

Fox news is hating on Amsterdam
Limey bastard lombasts cyclists plan

Al Gore wrote a Rolling Stone article
Driving the point of media's debacle

Real political discussions are few
When informed by assholes on fox news

Anonymous said...

Nice to know vigilanties perform
What donut munch cops often scorn

Fox news is hating on Amsterdam
Limey bastard lombasts cyclists plan

Al Gore wrote a Rolling Stone article
Driving the point of media's debacle

Real political discussions are few
When informed by assholes on fox news

Anonymous said...

This topic call for a viewing of the greatest cycling music video ever made. . . .It was filmed in Manchester.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naos7it_bl0&ob=av2e

Sgt. Friday said...

did you blow the "J" you found in the book? I'd advise against it as it was probably "dusted" with PCP. Street name "Angel Dust."

Anonymous said...

FREE WEED

MINI BIKE

IDIO TMAN

crosspalms said...

Hail to thee, giant bug man, protector of all cyclists.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hang low sweet saddle yabby.

Lame-Os said...

Who give up a MASH fixie on doctors orders? Unless it was one of those sexy mini skirt doctors.

Otherwise just as lame as screaming F youz at a bike thief and then ending on peace out.

Fukt.

McFly said...

After engaging my subtitle feature on my craptop I realize now that the shotgun riding bike thief thwater(sic?) said "PIECE OUT", he is merely alerting the would be crinimal that there is a ridiculous amount of hoodwinking going on no less than two streets over. I really want to ride this HW wave into at least early March.

McFly said...

*thwarter....comments are trickling today it seems.

Buy-cycle said...

Sigh. In Britain, road tax was abolished by some bloke called Winston Churchill. There is no such thing as 'road tax', motorists do not pay for the roads. Andrew Grimes is another example of piss poor journalism. Top fiddy?

Anonymous said...

it's good to see that england shares the U.S. majority (right) view that huge gas guzzling suvs are the way to go, regardless of how unnecessary the actual utility is the the driver and that riding a bike is somehow a morally subversive activity. or maybe he was just being cheeky, conservative douchbags "witty" social commentary against cycling is about pretty tired. Come up with something new already. it wasn't funny when uber douchebag pj rourke wrote about it 25 years ago in his ode to inanity Repulican Party Reptile and it's even less relevlant and funny today when ballbag Grimes has a go.

Teenage American Student said...

Got em all but the Bonus Question - and that one doesn't really count, right?

David said...

Dork panties!

Anonymous said...

OMG I was just hoodwinking in the PDX Pearl District!!

Anonymous said...

Starting a kickstarter campaign is a rather tuff business model to follow. I had know idea when and if I should have a friend throw in a couple thousand to get the payday.

My last kickstarter was oddly enough a public kickstand company. I almost nailed it, but in the end felt guilty for screwing over a bunch of people that thought they were do gooders.

Urban Legends collide said...

If hoodwinked by a young lady do not point at her hoodwinker and say," hey, you forgot your panties!" She will immediately kill you if you do. It's an initiation thing.

PatrickBateman said...

Top 50!

Also, are you interested in finding true love with attractive, rich older women. I did and I'll show you how: http://bit.ly/10ZXS

Anonymous said...

Holy crap it is evidently Friday fun day in Portland.

I kind of laughed hoodwinking off as a joker thing, but then it happened to me in the Zupan's parking lot with my two year old kid. The real nutty thing is that she said "have a nice day" after hoodwinking me.
I am definetly not complaining, but I am definetly scratching my head.

leroy said...

Wildcat Rock Machine --

You misspelted helment in question 4.

CWhoa said...

If that photo is Portland, I don't know where it is or when we got all those big pointy buildings that would make us look like a legitimate city.

leroy said...

Oh those wacky Brits and their satire!

If Mr. Grimes were a bit more familiar with his Jonathan Swift, he could have worked out "A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Cyclists of Poor People in Ireland From Being a Burden on Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick."

At least then he'd understand why some folks were inviting him to "bite me."

Ride safe all!

Anonymous said...

The bike in the bike steal fail video looked like a pretty decent one, and I would definitely chase down anyone who stole my mountain bike with, most likely, at least some measure of recklessness. Mostly because people who steal bikes are a special kind of scum and need to be punished, but also because I couldn't afford a new one.
I read the article you linked to and it put me in a bad mood. Dammit, Snob!!

Four Finger Fred said...

about the fixie in Williamsburg:

ONE LESS

HIP STER

Gandalf said...

Jeeze, Andrew Grimes, it sounds as though an agent of Sauron has learned the Hobbit language.

Anonymous said...

bike thieves need to be maimed. i've had three bikes stolen over the past 4 years. the cops do nothing, they are too busy writing parking tickets. at least that's the case with New York's Fattest. It's good to see someone is. the message is simple - don't steal bikes dude.

Anonymous said...

sorry it's "don't steal bikes bro" just rewatched the video for the 100th time, it never gets old
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfTicjVG_ZU

Anonymous said...

Today is the first Friday of the month and I anticipate some oyster shooters and a clam bake and if there are hoodwinkers nearby I will also sample some of that.

Jasper said...

+1 on the left coast handicap Mr Pisssta - I mean that's just not fair.
And to anon @12:52, SUVs tend to be called four-wheel-drives (4WD) in the UK, with the same irony of them never needing the 4WD to be engaged in the course of the vehicle's life. "Chelsea tractors" is the more appropriate definition.

Anonymous said...

I need to move to Portland...jeez!

Anonymous said...

I am now scared to look at female beavers...thanks a lot hoodwinkers!!?!

a lawless man said...

Hoodwink me?
Go ahead...make my day.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:48 -- let me help you with that.

Anonymous said...

No duct tape cranky pants?

McFly said...

I just went to get a DVD and "Hoodwinked" all the way there and back. For the record I can fit 4 knog lights on my Winkie, 5 if you count the strangling my nuggets.

McFly said...

The *one

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:10

Really? Really?

To help your retarded ass out I will put a cap in for every cap I bust.
We are going 1:1 andys find out who is hanging at the laundromat steeling Panties?
You are gonna loose Week Willy!
Shit going down.

Release the women in the house and/or I will give out random booty spankings.

Release the men and I will treat them to a steak dinner at Sizzler.

Anonymous said...

This is dumb but WTF.
I biked with a blinking light on my crotch last night by wrapping an led on my unfit.
It was a big hit with my friends and of course I hid it when directly in front of people so they wouldn't catch on.
It was always best if I could get a good shot at a few ladies.
Not sure what it is called??
Most fun I've had in the last few years.

Anonymous said...

Duh dumbass?
Men's hoodwinking?
It is called Donkey Konging.

Anonymous said...

Anon 6.39
Take care in Florida as it has a lot clamidia and prehistoric scary swamp monsters and trannies.

McFly said...

Anon 6:39, Did you just say your "unfit" is a big hit with your friends? And also these women you are pointing it at are not ladies...not ladies at all.

Anonymous said...

No shit!! It is on like Donkey Kong queerbaits!!!

Told you so said...

Just in...Lance doped, not!

Anonymous said...

Sorry McFly pants...the unfit is when I pulled it out.
Again
Again
And again as I like 4/4 music.

Now I will settle into a nice arpeggio.

Anonymous said...

Damn, it's hard to follow Grime's comments about cycling in a big city--which I do--and his transition to Alan Turing and his tragedy. Please help me Bike Snob.

Anonymous said...

what does the bike thief keep in the bike thief trailer? his bike thief tools? the stolen bikes?
and isn´t the bike thief much slower with the trailer taken in tow?
excuse me, but here in europe i´ve never seen a trailer on a bike thief vehicle.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who watches Fox News is a judgmental, name-calling dumfuck.

bikesgonewild said...

...this just in...

...lance armstrong to contest next winter olympic speed & figure skating finals...

..'cuz nobody 'skates' like lance armstrong !!!...

Anonymous said...

BGW -- Since there's no snow to ski on, and there are icy patches on the roads, I've taken to strapping on my skates and waddling around the local pond.

I call it "skating around the truth", for no particular reason.

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bikes for sale said...

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bikesgonewild said...

...anon 10:34am...don't worry about those "...icy patches on the roads..."...

...along with armstrongs new 'skating' career, paddy mcchoad & the union cycliste international are now in the paving business & are proving they can 'pave' over everything...

...that includes truth, rough patches, slippery slopes, whatever stands in the way of their nice little vision...

Anonymous said...

BGW @434 -- Hah!

Did get out on 2 wheels today, practically froze but avoided all those icy patches that Lance's henchpersons hadn't gotten to yet, and kept the rubber side down. Shades of Andy Hampsten on the Gavia ...

love and rockets red glare said...

The United States of Awesome, who's with me?
America? Come on ! There are people named America.
Americans?...Awesomes! My fellow Awesomes...

Johann Rissik said...

The new recumbabe?
http://bicycledesign.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Mohsen-Saleh-recumbent-2-300x250.jpg

PostsWithManyNames said...

Nice try Johann,

Too much clothing.
Standing up is not suggestive enough especially with all the clothes on.

Don't come back until you find a photo with less, read no, clothes on the babe.

darac said...

I find Andrew Grimes comments smack of the 19th century, especially when he refers to cyclists as those "insane multitudes of pedalling romantics."

I suppose it is rather romantic to want to escape the drudgery of traffic by getting on a bike. How terribly old-fashioned to breathe in fresh air (hmmm, not sure how true that is in Manchester...)And it's insane, too, attempting to lessen one's impact on the local environment given the choice.

The real good that can come of such comments is an actual debate about why so many cyclists are being killed and run over by lorries, why there are not enough paths, and what is it about cars that makes drivers so smug and insistent in getting their way?

Anonymous said...

Good damn thanks mister fakerjacks!!?! It's a super bowl tooday!!!

streepo said...

That's pronounced "cooks sacky" not "cock sucky"

Anonymous said...

Time to fire up the Pussy Wagon to get nacho materials.

McFly said...

Why do people in England keep getting run over by Lori's? I know exactly 3 Lori's, 2 will definately crush you to death but one will leave you with a smile.

Anonymous said...

Lance Armstrong´s case dropped (with no official explanation), Contador suspended 2 years.

Oh, and congrats to NY based steroid monsters!

bikesgonewild said...

...there IS a god...

bikesgonewild said...

...contador proves that you can try & cheat but you can't beat your meat...

Anonymous said...

Re Contador, some time back, Snob had a post that included a picture of a butcher counter with a (photoshopped) sign that said "Bistek Con CLEN".

Anonymous said...

This just in: Everything is fucked up.

Miss Panties said...

Contador panties!
The whole Lance and Alberto mess shows that there's a shadow competition to see who can beat the dope test/bribe the UCI best. The only fair thing is to say hands-off, no testing; if you want to take drugs that will make your teeth explode and your testicles shrivel (or vice versa) just to win a race and get a fake kiss from a podium girl, knock yourself out. But hookers are cheaper (and safer).

Miss Panties said...

Contador panties!
The whole Lance and Alberto mess shows that there's a shadow competition to see who can beat the dope test/bribe the UCI best. The only fair thing is to say hands-off, no testing; if you want to take drugs that will make your teeth explode and your testicles shrivel (or vice versa) just to win a race and get a fake kiss from a podium girl, knock yourself out. But hookers are cheaper (and safer).

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john said...

i'm sure entirely too many people took that article seriously.

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