Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Elementary: Outta My Way, Pops!

This past weekend, in Brooklyn, I was almost run over by an SUV while standing on the sidewalk.

Granted, it was an electric toy SUV much like the one below, but it was still somewhat jarring:

What I found most remarkable about the incident was the look that the driver shot at me as I stepped aside. It's a look that is certainly familiar to all American cyclists, and it basically says, "Get out of my way, idiot." When you think about it, it's pretty amazing that by the time an American child is five years old his or her sense of driver entitlement is already fully formed. Between Congress's love of the automobile and all the hormones we're pumping into our meat and dairy products, I predict that the next generation of children will hit puberty at two years old and will drive tiny internal combustion vehicles on purpose-built kiddie highways while generally terrorizing their elders like super-entitled, mega-impatient, bearded-and-breasted homunculi.

Meanwhile, over in the Netherlands of Holland, a reader informs me that the children are now pedaling their own bus to school:


In a way, this is even more disturbing than the kiddie-SUV-on-the-sidewalk scenario, but only because of the implications it has for Americans.

Let's consider our little red, white, and blue hormone-addled homunculus. Sure, for awhile life seems grand: five-lane kiddie highways, little kiddie drive-thru windows at McDonalds, "dooring" adult cyclists with impunity (assuming you don't see them in time to bunnyhop them)... But by age 10 or so the kid's Jeep has been repossessed and the endless Happy Meals have resulted in obesity, and this is precisely when those ruddy-faced Dutch children will strike. Hale and fit, nimble of mind and body, proficient in 16 languages and able to ride bicycles for miles on end, they will take over our weakened country in short order. The Dutch invasion will be codenamed "Hans Across America," and New York will revert back to New Amsterdam almost immediately. Then, decimated by Wall Street greed, constant outsourcing, and our sedentary lifestyles, we'll have no choice but to surrender to our Dutch overlords, who will transform this once-great nation into the world's largest tulip farm:

(American children forced into a life of tulip-picking.)

When your children are knee-deep in delightfully-colored angiosperms, don't say I didn't warn you.

Meanwhile, outside-themed magazine "Outside" magazine has finally blown the lid off of bike theft (and by "blown the lid off of" I mean "confirmed that it happens"):

We Americans are charmingly naive when it comes to bike theft. This is because, even though we live in a profoundly violent country, most good law-abiding people don't encounter crime on a regular basis. (Obviously I mean "traditional" crime, not the monthly pickpocketing being administered by your bank.) As a result, we really don't think about crime too much as we go about our business (unless we work for a bank, of course). At the same time, because cycling is the subject of so much scorn in America, we also feel profoundly special about ourselves when we decide to ride a bicycle for transportation and manage to convince ourselves that we're somehow "saving the Earth." Our bicycle is a unique snowflake, a special tulip, a "loogie" of delight hocked from the throat of a frolicking unicorn. Therefore, when our bicycles get stolen, a synergistic effect arises between our naïveté and our smugness. We act as though the thief has embezzled from a charity, and we lament in overblown prose the injustice of a world in which someone would dare steal something as sacred as a bicycle.

Of course, most of us can only express our indignity by penning "slightly epic" stolen bike screeds on Craigslist, but if you're a professional writing person you also have the option of working out your grief by writing an article for a magazine after your poorly-locked bicycle gets stolen in a completely predictable manner:

I was inside the Penn Club, eating a hamburger and talking to my sister. The key to my lock—a foolishly thin flexible Kryptonite cable—was in my pocket.

I suppose I didn’t really believe in the little cable. Maybe I never believed in the bike, either—a blue Novara Metro hybrid. Heavy and ugly, it was the second-cheapest model in my local shop.

Putting on my deerstalker hat, I can draw two conclusions from the above: 1) His sister was not the thief (she has an ironclad alibi in that she was eating a hamburger with the victim at the time); and 2) he probably should have used a better lock. This, then, would appear to be that. However, the victim reaches a different conclusion, which is that "the futility of locking is shocking:"

The futility of locking is shocking. We’re living in an age of surveillance and DNA swab kits; isn’t there a good all-American fix, a tool, gadget, or technology solution? Every technical panacea seems to have its own flaw. Victims of bike theft have created online registries for stolen bikes, but these are obituaries, not a way to preempt the crime. Some riders have urged manufacturers to install cheap RFID tags inside every bike they turn out, like those on clothing; with unique digital signatures, bikes would be completely traceable. But RFID tags can’t be tracked via satellite, only by handheld reader.

Sure, no lock is infallible (whether it's on your bike, your car, or your house), but I certainly wouldn't say locking your bike well is "futile." I would, however, say that David Byrne (who does not own a car but probably does own a deerstalker hat) has it more or less exactly right:

Oddly, the sanest strategy I’ve encountered was outlined by musician and devoted rider David Byrne. In his quirky memoir Bicycle Diaries, Byrne advocates for folding bikes, which can be put in a closet. For the rest of us, he recommends security bolts on the wheels (harder to remove), smaller U-locks (harder to pry open), and cheap bikes (because everything gets stolen).

This last one--cheap bikes--is perhaps the best bit of advice when it comes to commuting, though it's lost on most Americans, for whom being "practical" means getting something like a $5,600 Budnitz:


(The belt drive means your thief won't have to roll up his pant leg.)

Sure, some of us may be willing to ride instead of drive once in awhile, but that doesn't mean we don't still need a really expensive bike to remind ourselves that we're not losers.

Anyway, the author then tracks bike thieves in various American cities with varying degrees of success, and ultimately comes to the stunning conclusion that many of the thieves are drug-addicted lowlives. He also buys a stolen IRO, starts speaking in painfully dated hip hop vernacular, and is quickly transformed into a Nü-Fred:

I rode the IRO through verdant Golden Gate, enjoying the smooth ride. I’d always thought single-speeds were an illin’ pose, but the IRO was nimble and ridiculously light. Standing on the pedals, I climbed past 15-speeders in my only gear. It was like having a skinnier, younger girlfriend.

By the way, if your IRO was stolen in San Francisco, you should contact the author because evidently he's still riding it:

I’m still pimping around Portland on Bike Six, my little black IRO, with 11 pounds of chain wrapped around my waist and hex nuts on my wheels.

But while our children may be driving around in tiny plastic cars and our streets may be teeming with bike thieves and journalists on pilfered IROs, it should come as some small comfort that at least our useless craft industry is bicycle-powered and entirely self-sustaining:



I was particularly moved by the patches on display at the end of the video, but the artist is definitely a product of the American school system since his "octopus playing the drums" only has five arms:


Isn't that technically a pentapus?

130 comments:

Blog Drafter said...

Velo!

Blog Drafter said...

2nd

Blog Drafter said...

Sweep!

Anonymous said...

top 10?

Jasper said...

Early doors

Anonymous said...

Top ten!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

no comment

Mike in Dallas said...

top ten? KIDZ CARZ

bikesgonewild said...

...in my heart of hearts, i know i should be relegated & i didn't even make the podium...

DerZoots said...

MOBZOOTS!!!!!

Kenny said...

"hex nuts on my wheels" sounds painful, if you know what I mean!

mikeweb said...

I think that Octopus is the mascot of the Pentagon kickball league.

Anonymous said...

13th huzzah!!!!

crosspalms said...

I bet Newt would like that toddler bike bus.

McFly said...

WHATTTTTTTTT

Anonymous said...

She wasn't eating a hamburger. He was eating a hamburger. He was talking to her while eating a hamburger.

The alibi is still good.

Conclusion #2 holds up to scrutiny.

I think someone sold you a fake hat. You probably paid good money for one of those beerstalkers.

Anonymous said...

Top 20 Scranus!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh shit. "Hans Across America"! I want my mouthful of food back.

Anonymous said...

Pentapus, or penta-pussy?




balls™

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Don't steal a witch's broom. She might put a hex on your nuts.

Marcel Da Chump said...

A bike thief gave me a security tip: use two locks.

PaisteLooser said...

That pentapus was a total drum fred.
Look at that set up.
RONG!

Anonymous said...

What was the date on that stolen bike article? I thought I read it a couple months ago.

McFly said...

I like my women like I like my bikes, heavy and ugly.

Anonymous said...

"The Dutch invasion will be codenamed "Hans Across America," and New York will revert back to New Amsterdam almost immediately."

guffaw!

misster-PISSTA said...

a "loogie" of delight hocked from the throat of a frolicking unicorn


is that how you describe an IRO?

Anonymous said...

That plastic SUV is 45 lb.s of future toxic landfill. And I agree, it certainly needs to be pointed out that American kids trend towards the obese now.

Maybe we need the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket" as President to whip us into shape.

Anonymous said...

Hamburg...nearly dutch no? dutch enuf, the invasion has begun thru squat-inducing ingestibles, and then they steal our bikes, because, the invasion wave will be cycling hordes

mr. Wookie said...

Pentapussy was an early Bond model

Blog Drafter said...

Please, no more Budnitz's.

Also, that Dutch school teacher is hot.

Terre Haute Karl said...

That issue of Outside was like journalistic blue balls. There was no pay-off in any of the feature articles. It had the Lance Armstrong - Livestrong expose that came to no conclusion. This stolen bike story kept promising that he was going to catch someone and never really did. The cover story about Lolo Jones had no real point, and came to no conclusion.

Anonymous said...

If the Dutch took over, at least you'd get an ....interesting.... cafe culture and a decent football team!

(a bit rich coming from a Scot, but never mind)

The pentapus might be meant to be Cthulu, although I'm not convinced of his musicality.

hey nonny mouse

Newt said...

"It was like having a skinnier, younger girlfriend."

Gold Patrick, gold!

misster-PISSTA said...

to
Terre Haute Karl
has Outside published a single good article since "clunker bikes" in 1976 or 1977..

Ive had a gun pulled on 3 times never by a cop always by someone in a car..thankfully not in the last 10 years but those incedents have caused me to refrain from flipping the bird or yelling at drivers when I am in the ghetto..

Monchberter said...

I fear buying stupidly artisanal and pointlessly expensive bikes every time you have yours pinched is very much an American thing.

Here in the UK this is the most common 'cycle' of theft and purchase

In no apparent order:

Buy a cheap bike / cheap lock ("It'll just get stolen anyway)
Hate cheap bike for being horrible to ride
Never bothers to learn how to ride / lock awful bike properly / doesn't get the frame watermarked because they don't value it
Bike gets stolen
Police don't care / cyclist doesn't care
Buy another cheap bike / stolen bike
Repeat until put off cycling for life (or cheap bike rusts to oblivion)

Anonymous said...

I better post early before that SUV of all posts poster BGW arrives and gives me that "Get out of my way, idiot" look.

"We lament in overblown prose the injustice of a world in which someone would dare steal something as sacred as a bicycle."

Write the eff on, Snubby. Preach it. Ahmehn.

"...we don't still need a really expensive bike to remind ourselves that we're not losers."

I have yet to find a bike expensive enough to remind me that I am not a loser.
It's called self awareness, people.

Anyway...( Anyway is the second best segue after Meanwhile)

That Outside piece is basically expounding on the fact that people suck. Isn't that what every article in Outside is really about,anyway?

Every issue is telling us to get away from each other as quickly as possible. And what better way to do that than in a big, shiny SUV.

All those adverts for GMC Yukons etblah blah blah are there for a reason.

And thanks for pointing out that Banks are criminal enterprises.

Occupy Blogger!

Pentateuch Angiosperm said...

Taint!

Taint Whiff said...

BANX SUCK

Astroluc said...

"because everything gets stolen"

Well isn't he just a negative nelly on his purloined velocipede... if you lock things with a frickin' strand of spaghetti, everything will get stolen...

...dumb-ass.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Wildcat Rock Machine.
You made me laugh, and I need that right now.

Did you get your deerstalker cap from Rivendell while they had them briefly in stock years ago?

Those were the days, when the Flavor Aid was still fresh and cold.

Anonymous said...

Isn't putting some of the blame of the victim of a bike theft for poor lock quality or too expensive a bike kind of like blaming a rape victim for dressing too sexily? Seriously, bike thieves are scum and they have no excuse for stealing others property regardless of how enticing it might be. You seem to be saying that we all have to ride shit bikes to work and carry 7 different locks or it's our own fault is someone takes our bike. someone's been hitting the wednesday weed a little early.

PK said...

Glans across America.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Homunculi, angiosperm and pentapus all in the same post. How come I feel like I'm studying for my SAT's?

wishiwasmerckx said...

McFly, I like my women like I like my bikes: heavy, ugly and cheap.

Anonymous said...

BGW, at that time of night in SF, I am looking for an indecent tranny hooker, not decent Thai food...

...just sayin'...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Maybe I wasn't there, but I can pretty much assure you that the author was trying to enjoy his hamburger while his sister picked at her salad, drank her diet coke, and prattled on incessantly about absolutely nothing the entire time.

Anonymous said...

wildcat have you added a budnitz to your stable to expensive "hand crafted" whips yet?

Buy-cycle said...

danny dyer's chocolate homunculus. Top 50?

Anonymous said...

I'd like to ride a skinnier, younger girlfirend too. Oh yeah and "scranus"

Anonymous said...

Aside from his recommendation of foldies, David Byrne is right - keep your bike inside and it won't get stolen. Need to lug it up to your fifth floor walk up? No worries, that's perfect justification for going ultra lightweight. No UCI regs to worry about either.

It's also easy to bring it to work ever since the city passed the Bike Access law a couple of years ago. No locks (plural) to tote too - if I need to lock up, its two for me.

McFly said...

wiwm, Ahhhh yes, I forgot cheap. Furthermore, can we PLEASE get a close up of the MILF at the helm of the bicycle bus? She appears to be smokin' but I could be wrong.

MilfBandit said...

MOREMILFBUSDRIVERORIMAFUCKINKILLYA

Billy said...

Brilliant again, Snob! I for one eagerly await our new Dutch overlords.

How can I reconcile the practicality of a cheap bike and good lock with my desire for a lumatwill cycling jacket and a Brooks-equipped opafiets (or equivalent) cycling machine?

A Workcycles opafiets starts at €699 which by my reckoning is about $58,000 USA fun tickets. And the domestic equivalents aren't much cheaper. (Breezer Uptown 8 - $950, Raleigh Detour Brooks Edition - $1200, etc.)

Anonymous said...

True, A pentapus it may be called
Schoolchildren, Ronald McD be all

Our government doth subsidize corn
fat Americans be a joke, scorn

China doth subsidize to steal jobs
Americans now be prey to rich snobs

Our poor stealeth our bikes
foolish cable locks, yikes!

David Byrne doth strike again
Bike Snob nonplussed to no end

bikesgonewild said...

...ahem. anon 1:40pm...you'll note that in today's race for the podium, that a certain bgw placed inside the top 10...

...in fact, it was me who heard "Outta My Way, Pops!!!" followed by an elbow hook & the nasty little stinger "you ol' fart..."...(now THAT was an ouch)...

...i've asked the organizers to look at the tapes but i'd say all things considered, today was as good as a win for me...(basically any time i make the top 10 & i'm not busted for infinitesimal traces of 'something' in my system is a good day !!!)...

Anonymous said...

I'm currently paying $100 a month for a parking space in a garage for my bike, still cheaper than the subway and infinitely more enjoyable. but it sucks nonetheless. The nyc building bike access rule only works if your employer has devoted space for keeping your bike. I've had three cheap bikes (less than $200 each) stolen in the last three years, all with very good locks and all in the bright light of day about 5 blocks from times square. My renters insurance covers bike theft but unfortunately my deductible is $500 per occurance so that doesn't really help with a $200 bike even with a $75 lock. Unfortunately bike theft is a crime that is largely not enforced by the police so it's pretty rampant, at least here in NYC.

Billy said...

I also need to take up pipe smoking (or maybe a bubble pipe?) to clench in my jaw while I cycle bolt upright in my tweed.

Anonymous said...

Octoplegic?

Anonymous said...

Anyone see the keys to the Pussy Wagon?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 2:17pm sez - "BGW, at that time of night in SF, I am looking for an indecent tranny hooker, not decent Thai food..."...

...i'd say anytime after midnight in sf you're looking at a ratio of about 500 to 1 in your favor of indecent (& sleazy even) tranny hookers to decent thai places that are open...

..of course, if you're lucky, you might find both in the same place...

..."...you rike a rittle han job ina baffroom, hansome guy ???"...

Anonymous said...

"Love you longtime, GI."

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz would like to know if BSNYC would like to cruise the park on Sunday?
Fuzzy purple beaver fur limited addition dice valve caps for if you say yes.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 2:52, that is why I call being flat broke "busted like a New York City bike lock..."

Anonymous said...

Damn.
Stealth mode BGW snuck past me well before the sprint for mid pack same time glory.

But I still received the expected and highly anticipated "you idiot" look in the paddock.

Well deserved that. All around.

Anonymous said...

@Anon 2:22

Those Budnitz bikes look more like $5600 20lb anchor.

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...anon 3:11pm...don't take it personally...

...that look really just means "damn, i couldn't have sat on that fuckin' saddle even 1 more minute !!!"...

...it's a 'scranus' kinda thing...

Anonymous said...

Ok, the Dutch conquer the usa. I fail to see a down side. It is like the North Koreans getting missiles that would hit Hollywood.

cycle

Mcfly said...

Did anyone else notice that the um, how shall I put this, not white little girl is at the back of the pedal bus? Are the Hollandish racist?

Alberto Contador said...

Es esto lo que hace la gente cuando no podemos competir? Alguien me matan.

Anonymous said...

"I am happy that justice has been served in the doping case against Alberto Contador" Juan Pelota

Anonymous said...

McFly ghetto booty always rides the back of the bus.

Low low low low low

bikesgonewild said...

..."Es esto lo que hace la gente cuando no podemos competir? Alguien me matan..."...

...'berto, baby...it's all about the race for the podium, so there's your 'competir' & after that you try & devise something clever, even if it's, you know, somewhat insulting...

...but you should be careful, amigo...you weren't clever enough to disguise the clenbuterol & there WERE major traces of plasticizer in your blood, so, if you're not on your game, these bsnyc/rtms/wcrm commentators will fucking eat you alive...

...a thousand tiny deaths per day might not be what you had in mind...

...i'm just sayin'...

g-roc said...

Anon 2:52 - I'm trying to figure out how $1200/yr in bike parking is a better deal than $275/yr for bike and lock. Sure, you have to take the subway once a year when your bike gets stolen and there's the once a year shopping for a new bike. Wait, I save $925 AND I get to buy a bike every year, even if it is a crappy one?

McFly said...

In her defense she is assuming a FUCK THIS SHIT pose.

CommieCanuck said...

I can confirm: the MILF on the pedal bus is hot, and slutty.

"...the MILF on the bus goes 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round, the MILF on the bus goes 'round and 'round, all through the town."

I likes my weemen like my bikes..expensive, lightweight and vertically compliant.
No, I have no idea what that means.

CommieCanuck said...

Did anyone else notice that the um, how shall I put this, not white little girl is at the back of the pedal bus? Are the Hollandish racist?

She's the only one not pedalling, thus, the Dutchland Aryans are her bitches.

Ben Levy said...

"decimated by Wall Street greed, constant outsourcing, and our sedentary lifestyles..."

That does appear do be our future.

Rona said...

http://www.24oranges.nl/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/beer_bike.png

The Dutch school bus is not near as much fun as the Dutch beer bike for 10+ people. You drink, you pedal,you get drunk, you fall off, you get run over by bikes in the bike lane.

Anonymous said...

We like our story.

Anonymous said...

That MILF also had a J-bird in her hand and was hoodwinking tulips.

Anonymous said...

Bierbike, german style(Munich):

http://www.pedalhelden.de/wp-content/gallery/bierbike/bannmeile2010-049_800x600.jpg

Micah said...

i laughed all the way through this one. this is the kind of writing that keeps me coming back to this blog. keep on keepin' on.

Anonymous said...

please don't lay off "budnitz" just yet. he and his overpriced crappy bike are good for a few more laughs.

Anonymous said...

How'd he get her nuts on his wheels? What?

McFly said...

Commie,
I believe you want those women "horizonally" compliant. Unless they are planting twolips then vertical is fine, semi-vertical anyway.

Bob Ryan said...

I think someone should invent a projectile that launches from the seat tube. It could be .50 caliber, powder ignited - shooting upwards, into the thief's anus. It could be remote controlled, therefore when the thief is riding it away, a simple push of a button blows out his/her arse, guts and "brains" right the fuck out....

Is that something that you'd be interested in?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snobway,
With all of the inane and (arguably) offensive posts that are allowed here, what kind of horseshit does one need to include in their post for you to actually delete it?
Thank you for your (12 seconds of) attention,
OFFTHEBACKALLSTAR

Johnny Drama said...

@OFFTHEBACKALLSTAR

What are you, fuckin' un-American?

That's what she said said...

Thank you for your 12 seconds of attention?

Blog Drafter said...

BGW @ 2:48

Elementary: Outta My Way, Pops!

bikesgonewild said...

...dammit, blog drafter...i knew it was you...you went past so fast, you were a blur...

...hope you feel good about yourself, having to elbow a ***"fog" out a the way for the win...

...***"fucking old guy"...

Somewhere in the Desert said...

Maybe someone already asked:
How can I help the furthering of "Hans Across America"?
It has GOT to be Better than the GOP...

Doug said...

Hey, he may have been the biggest doper ever, but, by gosh, he's OUR AMERICAN DOPER! So let's just sweep the syringes under the rug and congratulate ourselves for having got the bad (Spanish) guy. Don't pay any attention to the worthless autologous blood doping tests behind the curtain.

Blog Drafter said...

BGW @ 7:37

...I wanted to say hello but you reeked a bit much of late night Thai embrocations & hence the elbow...

The King of Park Slope said...

Dutch school teachers are hot.

Chris Bollinger said...

Bikes are an attractive thing to steal because people leave them all over the place and their are no repercussions when they are stolen (short of the drivel the "victims" tend to write). In our carcentric society, automobile theft is treated much differently, because the insurance industry demands it. There is no bike insurance industry, so go figure.

I have several very expensive bikes, no locks and I've never had a bike stolen. I don't leave them laying about some shithole city, though, so go figure. I have heard approximately two stories where bike were stolen and it wasn't the owners fault, one was covered by home owner's insurance, the other by renter's. The rest of the time, it's always the same story, locked someplace public. Here's the facts, no one cares about your ride but you. If you leave it on a street somewhere in ShitCity, USA you better make sure you rubbed it goodbye.

Poppa Wheelie said...

Younger, skinnier girlfriend with a pentapussy.....
and big tits.
Ahhh the adventure!

Anonymous said...

Roses are tits,
Violets are ass,
I like tits,
ass, tits, ass.

Alberto C said...

Donde es la carne de vacuno

Anonymous said...

I came here for dopey kong.

your ego said...

I get the best of everyone here, everyday. All of you are too pathetic to insult. I love you soooo much. Thanks for the praise and adulation. Keep worshipping me. I'll always disappoint you.

RLD said...

Considering what is happening to America's cities perhaps they would be better off as tulip farms. Would even make Detroit look good.

CommieCanuck said...

Bob, I still prefer my patented scrotanus tazer.

CommieCanuck said...

Chris, good tip. I smear everything I hold dear to be in my own feces. Cheap and effective.

ken e. said...

"three things i do know... love, love and love"

Bob ryan said...

I got your perenium relief right here.

Anonymous said...

You're outdoing yourself this week, snob! Wonderfully incisive!

JDH said...

If Wall Street was to decimate(reduce by ten percent)my stash of Wed. Weed, I'd still have 90%,right? Partying tomorrow.

crosspalms said...

If you hold your Bakfiets upside down over your head, is that a Dutchclamation point?

JDH said...

I know, BGW, my punctuation sucks.

Anonymous said...

and **bash bash bash thump thump thump*


DRUM FRED

bikesgonewild said...

...jdh @ 11:30pm...

...i'd respectfully suggest that i'm not the best guy to be criticizing anybody's punctuation...

...just sayin'...

leroy said...

This Hans Across America thing is Bill O'Reilly's fault.

Couldn't leave well enough alone.

Had to insult the Dutch.

Did he not realize people living below sea level have a natural tendency to rise up when threatened?

Don't to look to Bill-O to put a finger in America's dike to protect us.

He'll be welcoming our Dutch overlords the minute he sees which way the tide is rolling.

Anonymous said...

I generally do not like to look at another man fellow ass, but would rather just eat it for breakfast.

Anonymous said...

I wanna see a Budnitz and @BGW playday in the park!!!
Sprinkles and rainbows and tangerine dreams...wipp-its and cock shots its a magical dream.

Snob get your first interview on @BGW.
history of mountain biking and ...

Anonymous said...

Come on this is not funny...who has the keys to the Pussy Wagon?

Poppa Wheelie said...

15 speed?

Anonymous said...

Will the Budnitz make a Pudwacker?

Anonymous said...

Snobby do you have the keys to the Pussy Wagon??
I refuse to ride that squirrel looking thing home.
Give a call jackass!'

Anonymous said...

bsnyc, a caption contest, actual humor needed here: http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2012/02/08

Anonymous said...

http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2012/02/08

Anonymous said...

blogger is messing up my link. add /08/ to end of last post.

hillier99 said...

"His sister was not the thief (she has an ironclad alibi in that she was eating a hamburger with the victim at the time)"

Snobby, you ever hear of cell phones? She could have been jacking his ride while talking to him while he's eating the hamburger inside...

CSIF AIL!

Johnny Schultz said...

Nice jeepney kids:) BTW, is this for real? I hope so . You can also add jeep roof racks.

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john said...

When i read the headline about the dutch kids I couldn't help but laugh and think "HA take that small children!"

john said...

When i read the headline about the dutch kids I couldn't help but laugh and think "HA take that small children!"