Friday, February 17, 2012

BSNYC Friday Heated Discussion About Lawn Bowling!

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that the City Council has asked the NYPD to explain why drivers who run down cyclists and pedestrians seldom face criminal charges.  I also mentioned the fact that New York City cyclists received something like three times as many Criminal Court summonses as truck drivers.  Subsequently, a reader left the following comment:


Anonymous said...


Great use of statistics there. A higher number of citations surely indicates discrimination, not surprising since we all know that NY cops are a bunch of bicycle hating, uneducated cretins from uncool parts of the city like Queens and the Bronx. We're just a bunch of victims (the model du jour: what better way to build cohesiveness in a group?).


Why not look at something more meaningful like rates of infractions and then see how we stack up? Compare the total number of citations issued to the actual number of violations per day or per vehicle mile. Are we still victims of an unfair city? I doubt it. I don't see a whole lot of trucks going the wrong way on a street or running lights. Bikes on the other hand.


February 17, 2012 3:59 AM


Clearly this reader doesn't live in my uncool part of New York City, where trucks, cars, motorcycles and buses run lights regularly and motor vehicles of all kinds salmon with impunity.  (Yes, I consider driving 30mph in reverse for an entire block to be "salmoning.")  As far as comparing "rates of infractions," this is ultimately meaningless, since the absurdity of subjecting a lawbreaking cyclist and a lawbreaking truck driver to exactly the same penalty is precisely the point.  When you get hit by a cyclist running a light you break a nail, but when you get hit by a truck running a light you wind up as part of the crosswalk.

Still, it's essential that we treat cyclists and drivers exactly the same way.  Why?  Because maintaining the illusion that drivers and cyclists are equal is the key to making sure that they stay unequal, and it ensures that anything that happens to you when you're on a bike remains your fault--or at least not the driver's fault.  As long as they keep telling you to act like a car, then that means it's OK when you get hit by a car, despite the enormous disparity between the machines and your utter lack of sheet metal.  What's the difference between a door ding and a dead cyclist in most of America?  Technically nothing--in fact, you're probably worse off if you give someone a door ding.  Sometimes, equality is the greatest iniquity.

Meanwhile, from England, I've received numerous emails concerning the Bristol bus driver who attacked a cyclist with his bus:


After watching the video, I'd ask the commenter above which vehicle he'd rather get hit by: a bus, or a Brompton?

Then again, I do hear Bromptons can be tricky to unfold:



Yes, I've posted that video before, but I enjoy few things more than watching people struggling with folding bikes.

And now, I present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you're right, and if you're wrong you'll see the fabled recumbent trike episode of "The Price is Right."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and happy folding.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) Early season pro cycling action!!!  Who's winning the Tour of Oman?

--zzzzz
--zzzzzz
--zzzzzzz
--zzzzzzzz







2) What is this rider doing?

--Making the "tiny pee-pee" sign
--Playing the world's smallest violin
--Checking his wrist mirror
--Crushing your head





3) In a pilot program slated to begin this spring, Bank of America will introduce 15 mobile ATM trikes to the streets of Portland, OR.

--True
--False







4) Now you can text while walking or cycling, thanks to the new:

--"Voice Navigation" app
--"Transparent Screen" app
--"Seeing Eye Dog" app
--Wrist mirror







5) "These fools be _______."

--Swervin'
--Sewin'
--Servin'
--Rushing in where angels fear to tread








6) What is this person doing?

--Crawling out of a bathtub
--Being a shill
--Showing the world his giant chicken ass
--All of the above








7) These bikes are violent torpedoes of death.

--True
--False



***Special Stupidity-Themed Bonus Question***



(America: Where stupidity is Supersize.)


There's regular stupid, and then there's American stupid.*

*[Please note right answer contains foul language in addition to stupid language.]

--True
--False

135 comments:

theEel said...

wEeKeNd!

theEel said...

WEED1st!

theEel said...

cookies.

Kenny Banya said...

top ten, didn't read

Perrico Delgado said...

Top Dutch

petrus said...

Top VI!!

Nogocyclist said...

Top 50!

Meh!

Buy-cycle said...

top 10?

Anonymous said...

Top Tennn scranus!

pebes said...

tenth

pebes said...

late start you lazy muthe....

Billy said...

Top 15!

Anonymous said...

Blinded by the light....top XX?

Anonymous said...

RADD BEANS!!!

mikeweb said...

Looking forward to your special Presidents' Day post on Monday, WCRM.

Anonymous said...

3/5

Shouldn't that be

Rushin' in where angels be fearin' to tread.

Not the correct answer, but even so...

Anonymous said...

that was anticlimactic...

Nick Hagger said...

Holy shit, first time I've seen that Bristol video, its right outside where I used to work and have cycled that particular stretch countless times. For added irony bonus, the building this occurs in front of is the Magistrate's Court.

Anonymous said...

Still in the peleton.

cycle

PS - have a great weekend snobby.

Anonymous said...

Here's another time the Price is Right featured a bicycle: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/star-wars-bedroom-set

le Correcteur said...

Wow, thin comments today; just barely failed to make top 20, and it's noon MST!

Swza said...

How about the guy standing under the tree when the guy gets hit by the bus?

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

Anonymous said...

hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver. hail to the bus driver, bus driver man.

Anonymous said...

Broken nails are serious enough that 900+ peds ended up in the hospital last year.

mikeweb said...

I would have Donnie Dude Darnits babies, if I had a uterus.


And was blind and deaf.


And had no sense of smell.

Anonymous said...

I think one good reason to subject a cyclist to the same laws as motorized traffic is that, ideally, cyclists will get the same rights and they'll be less confusion in traffic.

paolo said...

An ACTransit bus tried to run me over once. For some reason the driver was determined not to let me pass despite her frequent stops, and when it became inevitable the driver tried to run me down.
When I caught up with the driver at the light I asked her if she saw me and she affirmed that she had and told me I shouldn't be in the street (professional driver, public employee, completely ignorant of traffic law), and dared me to report her. I made an official complaint including bus number, route and time of day. Guess if anything became of it.

Keith Earickson said...

What's the standard community response when a cyclist pulls a motorist out of their car and beats them in the street? I'm asking for a friend, thanks.

Anonymous said...

excellent rebuttal snob. Drivers do not view cyclists as having equal rights to the road. How many times has a car sped past you only to dangerously right hook you, leaving you with the choice of slamming on your brakes or into their moving car? Without exaggerating this happens to me at least 4 or 5 times a day on my round trip daily commute, in a bike lane nonethelss. I haven't looked up the law but I'm pretty sure that this would be a moving violation, just as it would be to turn into pedestrians crossing the street with a walk sign. So here are some stats for douchebag anonymous commenter from yesterday: bike commuting days a year: ~200 x right hooks per day ~4 x years commuting 10 = 4,000 incidents. how many times have i witnessed these offending drivers being issued a summons by New Yorks finest for what certainly is a very dangerous moving violation? You guessed it zero.

Anonymous said...

just realized my math was off, 8000. but you get the point.

Anonymous said...

In the educational field, treating people equally isn't necessarily fair. Unequal results persist despite equal treatment.

Equity is taking measures to ensure equal results.

Snobby inserted my "chicken bottom bracket" comment. Woot!

GhostOfTyrone said...

There's an old saying in England — I know it's in Texas, probably in England — that says, hit me with a truck once, shame on... shame on you. Hit me with a bus, you can't get hit by a truck again.

Kenny Banya said...

"just realized my math was off, 8000. but you get the point."

Gold Anon 2:30, GOLD!

Billy said...

@Anonymous 2:19:

I love the cyclist baiting title of that article. Higher than what? The implication is higher than cars, but that's debunked in the very first paragraph. "while small compared with the number of pedestrians injured by cars" I can only hope most folks read that far and find out that cyclists are *still* not a major threat to life and limb in NYC, unlike trucks and cars.

I love this quote, too:

"Motor vehicles are responsible for over 70,000 injuries every year in New York City, and hundreds of annual deaths,” Mr. Murphy said. “We can ignore that number and bash bikes, or we can get serious about safety and work to stop all traffic casualties.”

Billy said...

That video of the bus is terrifying. I know MBTA drivers aren't any better than their compatriots in other cities as far as knowing the law or being respectful, but I can at least hope none of them will deliberately try to kill me.

And Mr. Darnits needs to see a mental health professional about his sociopathy.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Nice chicken ass.

Dave said...

Missed #1. So close

samh said...

Dustin' off the archives with the "Swervin'" question, Wildcat. To this day I just love buggin' out to that jam.

leroy said...

Anon 2:19 --

Quiet please. You'll wake my dog.

If I can get a You Tube video of him snoring, I'm gonna be rich. Did you see how many hits that wrong answer video of the bulldogs snoring had? This is gold!

Unfortunately right now, it just looks like he's dreaming about chasing Bromptons and burying them in the backyard.

Good thing for you he's snoozing. Lord only knows what he'd smack with a shovel and try to bury if he were awake.

Ride safe all!

And remember, if it doesn't rain, don't take on the bus.

Extra Speshil Stuped said...

I think the DonnieDudeDarnit youtube account is going to blow up over the weekend.

He has a few of those I hate this and that videos up there.

Awesumz.

jimbo said...

K-hole!

mikeweb said...

anon 2:28 & 2:30,

+1

In my Brooklyn to Manhattan to Brooklyn daily bicycle commute I see an average of 5 'blown' red lights a day by all types of motor vehicles, including 20+ ton city commuter buses.

Guess what drivers and traffic police: driving through a red light that just turned red a second before you got to it is STILL DRIVING THROUGH A RED LIGHT.

If anything, it's even more dangerous than the typical cyclist 'blowing' a red light by slowing or stopping completely, looking carefully, letting vehicles and pedestrians go first then proceeding, because they're doing none of that and are often speeding up to make the light. Not to mention that said vehicles are 2, 4 or 20 tons compared to a couple of hundred pound rider and bicycle.

So to all the other anons on here recently who seem to be from the secret 1PP propaganda unit, eat a bag of dicks.

Sebastain Uncouth said...

It is hard for Boulderites to assert their right-of-way from beneath my 5500# truck.

McFly said...

I guess getting attacked by a St Bernard is not so bad after the bus incident. I don't think he was a Saint anyway, he smelled like absinthye.

crosspalms said...

I was almost smacked by a bus that ran a red light last year, and earlier this year watched a bus zoom down the wrong side of the street and run a red. Maybe there's some kind of bus driver contest we don't know about...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Today it wasn't raining so I rode my bike to work across my 7 stop light town in the middle of Ohio cornfields. What few motorists I did encounter were considerate and gave me plenty of room. Living in a 7 stoplight town in the middle of cornfields does have it's advantages.

-1 on quiz.

Anonymous said...

Forget this bike advocate character. Not funny. More of the jealous and bitter would be music critic. Sasha Frere-Jones makes my eyes burn!

Anonymous said...

May I suggest a BRA and group ride in Donnie DudeDarnit's hometown?

Anonymous said...

If you group ride around Donnie's place, make sure it's at 3am so he can see it. He appears to be a night watchman

captain middle america said...

I understand what makes Donnie so mad. Every day there are cyclists in his path making him late to class. At this rate, he'll never pass third grade.

What I don't understand is why whenever he mentions tight cycling shorts a photo of a woman appears. Dude,If you are gonna get stuck driving slowly behind a cyclist, you want the cyclist to be a female. Doy!

You're out of your element Donnie!

Anonymous said...

Nice reference to Kids in the Hall http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkQ8cpPsoWU

Anonymous said...

Yay for the Kids In The Hall reference at question 2!

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 3:30:

JINX! You owe me a Coke.

McFly said...

RCT,
Do you have sweet canine sprints or are there leash laws?

Really Old Guy said...

I miss Ralph Kramden.

Mike in Dallas said...

@ anon 2:24pm. I think WCRM is saying that a little Dutch slant in favor of the cyclist is in order. Yes, the dutch cyclist is still expected to follow the rules. But the dutch cyclist has a higher inherent right to not being hit than a motorist. At least the way I understand it.

Luke said...

Every quiz should have a Kids in the Hall reference.

PS I don't believe that the youtube anti-bike guy is real. How can someone that stupid put together such a visual treat?

bikesgonewild said...

..." Who's winning the Tour of Oman???"...i'd suggest eddy merckx wins at that race every year...

...the arabs undoubtedly pay him a huge amount every year to endorse their little desert debacle...

...look closely at some of the photos at any blah, blah cyclenews site...

...i've seen more folks at local crits with no-name riders (sorry guys) than show up to see all the big names in the cycling world out at the sand spectacle where absolutely nobody gives a fuck !!!...

The King of Park Slope said...

Shut the fuck up Donnie.

grog said...

I still like the music in the viddy. Who gets credit?
I will buy your new book, pull all the stickers from the back, and stick them to David Byrne's car. What?

Jasper said...

@bgw,

This and Qatar may be 'shit small races' but are you begrudging these hard-working honest professionals a chance to get their season rolling in warm sunshine with nice hotels, rather than grovelling in the rain somewhere in Belgium?

crosspalms said...

grog,
Somebody beat you to it. That's why Byrne ditched the car.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

I had a 3-speed Schwinn Speedster "TORPEDO OF DEATH" from when I was 10 years old to just a few years ago, when I decided I didn't really want to rebuild a Sturmey Archer hub for a bike that was too small for everyone in my family. So I chucked it.

I'm not very sentimental that way.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

yesterday was bad news with the statistics... today you show us a guy using a bus to run over someone because he probably didn't win the argument, then you show us "fucking fuck, goddd, fuck these... duh... bicyclists" rant...
you are trying to scare us off our bikes, sir snob... now every day i go out there, i'll imagine some guy like the ranter behind the wheel of a car and i'll start riding on the sidewalk... get caught by NYPD, get a summons, and spend days at court and lose my job... then have to sell my bikes and start washing cars for a living...
enjoy your weekend!!!

Matt said...

DonnieDarnit or whatver his name is has an American flag on his shirt, just like an astronaut! Isn't that cute? Of course, astronauts might have some sense of lighting so he wasn't in silhouette with only the nicely-lit walls of his parents' house properly exposed.

Matt said...

You know, Donniedarnit is in uniform. Do you think he's a security guy at Piercing Pagoda or is he the overnight staff on the NYPD traffic crimes unit?

Matt said...

DonnieDarnit or whatver his name is has an American flag on his shirt, just like an astronaut! Isn't that cute? Of course, astronauts might have some sense of lighting so he wasn't in silhouette with only the nicely-lit walls of his parents' house properly exposed.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Mr. T lost weight.

Anonymous said...

Donnie's deleted the adverse comments and blocked new ones. He can sure dish it out but the little cocksucker shudders like a baby bunny when anyone disagrees. He'll be bustin' some heads outside Cinnabon tonight!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to ride to appalachia and start killing inbred rednecks until I get to Donnie Dumbfuck.
Asshole makes my blood boil!

bikesgonewild said...

...@ jasper...nope, not at all but personally, if i was a pro, i could think of a lot nicer warm spots for 'training' races...

...cycling has, to some extent, followed the example of formula 1 racing...go where the bucks are, whether there is any real spectator interest or not...

...bernie e, f1's boss will tell you that he's trying to 'create new interest in "the product" ' but he does so at the expense of deserting a traditional spectator base that's had plenty of interest for years...

...cycling is going the same route...we've seen the 'pro/world tour' expansion into north america & australia in recent years, which makes sense because these areas have had a strong sport cycling base for many years...

...but the uci's move into china with an upcoming 'world tour' status race is all about the future bucks & gaining control of a cycling (racing) market that hasn't yet happened...not that i don't understand the uci's concept but i think it waters down the product...

...back to 'oman & quatar'...in this case, oil money wants to draw tourists to their little sand lot 'cuz they've been investing so much cash in their infrastructure so what's a few million more each year to house n' feed a bunch a' pro bikeys...

...sure, the riders & teams feel like they're being treated like kings but the races suck & from what i can see, the scenery sux for the most part...& ultimately, i gotta think it doesn't draw more than a handful of cycling tourists to the area...

...to me, it's a shallow publicity stunt...

...i'm just sayin'...

Dooth said...

Donnie is an act. Needs a lot of work.

Anonymous said...

"not surprising since we all know that NY cops are a bunch of bicycle hating, uneducated cretins from uncool parts of the city like Queens and the Bronx."

No - they're bicycle hating, uneducated cretins from Nassau County and New Jersey.

Jasper said...

@bgw - can't disagree with anything you're saying there, especially around the venality of the UCI. It seems the pros don't seem to grumble about these early season races - or the late season excursions to Canada - as much as they do about going to China, so they must have something going for them.

Anonymous said...

This commenter obviously doesn't live in one of the "uncool parts of the city." Frankly, drivers in Manhattan are actually pretty good. It's so crowded and so hard to tell if a cop's around that you can't really run red lights. Out here, all drivers - trucks and cars alike - run red lights at every opportunity.

Mark McKinney said...

"There is NObody home."

Buffalo Bill said...

Snob, you should totally get Ben Stein to cameo in your next episode of that chicken suit yoobtoob video. Think mini-series.

I hear he's available since the whole pretending to be a smart person schtick stopped paying the bills.

Buffalo Bill said...

Actually Oman is quite scenic, in a Lawrence of Arabia sort of fashion. Excellent pavement too, although the drivers put their trust in something other than skill and good judgement.

I see the organizers got all the wrecks cleared away from the side of the road before the tv cameras got there.

Most riders there only ride at night and they get off the road when a car comes.

McFly said...

At roughly 9 min and 42 sec into the "Paint Drying" clip my freakin laptop LOCKED THE CRAP UP! Someone please, for the love of Mike, tell me how it ends.

Anonymous said...

True that it doesn't happen often but a cyclist in San Francisco ran a red light hit a woman in a crosswalk and she died. It looks like he's going to trial.

A driver in SF moved into the oncoming traffic lane and ran head on into the bike ridden by a friend of mine's son. Luckily he survived with a broken collar bone and need for a new helmet. The police wouldn't even come out to the scene to take a report.

Swza said...

"And some of them dress all stupid, like, fucken stupid little tights and shit. What are they fucking Peter Pan?"
-DonnieDudeDarnit

P.J. O'Rourke said...

Yo Snob, nice ass.

Anonymous said...

Does Drew bang the showcase girls?

Anonymous said...

Bob Barker...that guy knew how to roll.
Getting drunk.
Getting the showcase girls I little more drunk.
Then bang them.
Then expose them on morning television broadcasts.

Legendary Bob Barker.

Alfonso Cocksuck said...

Snob, you're the Woody Allen of cycling blogs: used to be funny, but you've become a whiny little nebbish.

Oh, I almost forgot: fuck you.

Anonymous said...

The last guy was something else (Donnie Dammit?). Seriously. As I told him on his video, yeah, I spit in your window. Don't wonder why next time.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@McFly 3:32 which reminds me I have to get more pepper spray. Sitting low on the recumbent one really learns to put the hammer down while at the canine sprints.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Oh man I tried that crap and about set my leg on fire. Twice. Now I just yell "GET OFF THE COUCH!". It works.

Anonymous said...

Where is Ant1st? And that Hail CZR guy?

Anonymous said...

Ant1 is the first contestant in the showcase showdown.
Speinish the Wheilisnessess.

mieledi said...

I like this post, because I think writing really good, Christian Louboutin will continue to pay attention to it, simply great.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bike Snob,

Have you seen the other interesting bicycle that was that was recently featured in the Price is Right Showcase?. I am of course referring to the treadmill bike, which is made by the Bicycle Forest.

Lots of other interesting bikes at BikeForest, including the couch bike and the Rhoades Car.

bikesgonewild said...

...@alphonso cocksuck...you should have paid attention to your mom when she said "...listen, you little cocksucker...if you can'r say anything nice about someone, don't say anything at all..."...

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

More about Oedipus in case you don't know about him. I meant to post this back on Thursday, but was too frazzled from work.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@McFly "GET OFF THE COUCH" thats great! I'll have to remember that one. I've been tormented by the four-leggers all my life. Got my first bite in the thigh by a German Shepard at about 13 years old while out on my ten speed. Never been bit since but raced quite a few. Fasted dog I ever saw was a pit bull surprisingly. He was damn fast off the line but petered out pretty quick.

For rural riders I highly recommend the spicy spray. buy a couple cans to practice with and then a quick squirt to the snout and they high tail it back to the house without a single yelp. I have found. I look at it as a service to other cyclists. The next time the dog I sprayed sees a cyclist he may decide just to stay on the porch.

Anonymous said...

The Couch technique works but you got to YELL it. I tried a whistle and had luck until this huge rott just came after me harder when I blew it. My brother was laughing so hard he about hit a mailbox. There is a border collie on one loop that always darts in front of you and tries to heard you the other direction. That's sketchy.

bikesgonewild said...

...generally a quick shot from a waterbottle works...

...it's like saying "i'm marking my territory & you're it, bitch..."...the liquid thing is something a dog understands...

...used to enjoy the 'campagnolo metal tip, silca pump whack'...wait for it, wait for it, a little closer & whack, delivered hard on the snout...

...got outfoxed one day...i was lined up for the kill shot & the little fucker switched sides faster than i could change hands with the pump...

...got me - my bad...

JDH said...

I was delivering the Rocky Mountain News, in Englewood Co., at 6:00 A.M. on a school day in 1969, when a large dog of unknown origin came at me, put his jaws around my leg,and clamped down a millisecond before I pulled it away. The living shit left me. Got some spray from the local Army Surplus, but never saw that dog again! Ah, memories. Also, the old guy that ran the LBS was nick-named "Pirate Pete". Don't really know if it was a real bike shop or just some old guy that repaired stuff. Well, he looked old.

Dr. Michele Ferrari said...

Gold 2012 London Road Race

$4,000,000*


Silver 2012 London Road Race

$3,000,000*


Bronze 2012 London Road Race

$2,000,000*

*All funds spot US Dollar value in gold bullion deposited to my unumbered nearly virtual Swiss Piggy Bank Account.

Time Trail same rates + 50%

Lioyd Flandis booster package + 50%

McFly said...

I had convinced wifey to go on "a little ride with me" and we were attacked by two mallimutes and a St bernard, they were in pack instinct mode. @BGW, I sprayed and then THREW my bottle at them. We got away but she was upset. I drove back in the car to get my bottle. I parked about 500 yards away and walked up with DeMarini bat HOPING they were still out but they had been put up.

McFly said...

We may have actually stumbled across a cycling subject Snobby is not to familiar with. He would probably just don his chicken suit and freak the living crap out of the little ankle biters anyway.

leroy said...

You guys are lucky.

My dog attacks whenever it's his turn to pull.

Hairy legged ingrate.

The most shouting "GET OFF THE COUCH" ever accomplished was to get him to share the remote.

Anonymous said...

Oh my would someone by the Bikes Gone Wild a pill box that has the days of the week on it so he doesn't forget to medicate.

Anonymous said...

I'm figuring this out too. What I've concluded is that NY is completely out of control, especially out in the streets on the bike. It was exciting at first, but, unless you're someone like David Byrne, there comes a point when you get tired or even scared of the everyday chaos. I think it comes down to wanting to be more in control. My solution has been to stick to the trainer this winter.

McFly said...

If your "trainer's" name is Liz Hatch then I strongly recommend it.

bikesgonewild said...

...mcfly...you got me on that...i was focused on 'a' dog, one single animal & the water bottle thingy usually works but ya, pack mentality definitely changes the equation...

...an old stoner trick for dealing with a vicious neighborhood dog used to be to make up a special brownie ultra-strong on pot & infused with bacon grease...

...tossed over the fence kinda out a' sight of the neighbor but not fido's olfactory senses, they were know to mellow a few canine temperaments...

..."growl, snarl, bark, bark, bark..." often became nothing more than "...woof...", to the 'owners' chagrin...

...now, i'm not suggesting anything but i'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

What the hell is wrong with all these people? They say "I was attacked by a bus".. No, you were attacked by some moron that was driving a bus. Same arguments about guns.. you were not shot by a gun, you were shot by somebody holding that gun...

And, BTW, that cyclist was totally bogarting the whole road and purposfully trying to get in the way of the bus.... I wonder if he was riding a fixey??

Anonymous said...

Donnie Darnit is fucking awesome. I just love a stupid miserable fat fuck whose nicest clothes are fucking 50 fucking 50 poly cotton uniforms. I mean fuck.

Anonymous said...

@BGW likes to feed dogs chocolate(toxic) and get them stoned by masking it with pork belly is hillarious!

What do you do with cats?

Meow

leroy said...

Anon 8:40 --

I'm sure that knowledge will be of great comfort to someone run over by a bus.

But maybe you can help me settle a bet with my dog.

He's got $50 that says you're a mouth breather.



Anon 10:09 --

Catnip. (My dog say it works best in tuna salad sandwiches, but you have to hold the celery.)

McFly said...

Sometimes I will bring a satchel of cats on a long ride to throw at the dogs and get them off my trail.

Anonymous said...

Get a morin, Bran!!

David said...

Special Friday panties!
On Saturday!

2wheeler said...

Having spent the past 18 hours watching paint dry it was impossible to podium.

Being a patriot and eager consumer, I've watched "The Enlightened Cyclist" advertisement several times. However, several items leave me confused:

1. The "up your nose shot".
2. Why the pretty girl has a mutant ninja turtle mask.
3. What sport requires both a yoyo and racket.

Thanks for any light you could shed on the above comments.

bikesgonewild said...

...@ anon 10:09am...you pussy (hey, YOU said 'meow', not me)...

...you'll note i didn't specify "chocolate brownie" & i was referring, although obviously not specifically enough for you, to a "tasty stoner canine treat" with 'brownie' being generic...

...but cats ???...damn, at least i'm not THIS guy...

..."Calif man pleads no contest in cat-eating case...deputies started a bizarre animal cruelty investigation that has focused attention from around the country on a working-class neighborhood in a Bakersfield suburb where a man allegedly was fileting cats and cooking them on his backyard barbecue..."...

...for your edification, i live nowhere near bakersfield...(burp)...

bikesgonewild said...

...good solution, mcfly...

...when i bring cats to throw at the dogs, they make my riding jerseys look lumpy...

uponone said...

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/collisions-follow-caravan-of-confusion-20120219-1th9k.html

The ultimate salmon.

bikesgonewild said...

...btw...if you check the 'brooklyn humane society's records, leroy's dog was once busted for selling 'catnip' to kids from new jersey...

McFly said...

2Wheeler,
1. The "up the nose shot" is the artistic advertising equilivent of the "money shot" in the porn industry. I should know I used to be a KEY GRIP.
2. The mask is a Godzilla mask. You need to research some prior posts. You should not have to go far.
3. The racket is for when you finally work up the courage to go "around the world" with your new yoyo. It will inevitably hit you in the nuts, you use the racket to block the fruit collision.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Q: How many cats will fit in a Chrome Messenger Bag?

A: Just the right amount.

bikesgonewild said...

...ya know, if your messenger bag has cinch straps.........

...well, i'm just sayin'...

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McFly said...

You have to stack them like you are putting canned drinks in a crisper. If you just throw them in the gucci bag all willy nilly they will get entangled.

Anonymous said...

Break a nail?

Elderly lady, hip fracture -> end of active life -> confinement indoors -> nursing home -> might as well be dead.

Middle-aged male, skull fracture -> brain hemorrhage -> dead on arrival.

Young female, tear of anterior crucial ligament, tear of medial collateral lihament, tear of the meniscus -> surgery, rehab, pain, missed goals and opportunities.

Didn't take a truck.

ce said...

Snob,

I particularly liked the title of Tuesday's post "The Mystery of Couscousness: To Err is Hummus; to Falafel, Divine". I looked up the origin of the saying and learnt that it was a renowned connoisseur of Middle Eastern cuisine named Pope Alexander who first wrote those words back in The Age of Enlightenment (the time before the internet and The Age of Cats 'n Porn). Intrigued, I went on to investigate the life and times, words and wisdom of this most bodacious philosophizer for upwards of a minute and a half, before finally being distracted by cats or porn, or something. Actually, I'm pretty sure it was porn. Anyway, I promptly forgot all I had read about Pope.

Or so I thought.

Later in the week while fretting my way through the standardized Fred test I eventually got to question 5 and surprised myself when I recognised another A. Pope quote: "These fools be rushing in where angels fear to tread".

Nadim K said...

Ahh, the Get a Brain Morans picture surfaces again! I am the original photographer on that one. I took that picture at an anti-Boeing protest here in St. Louis many years ago. This genius was among several counterprotesters. It has become an iconic photo. Poor guy.

DonnieDudeDarnit said...

Damn i was just being sarcastic. Didnt know anybody would even see that video. dont take it seriously.I took it down also. your welcome.

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Robert said...

"Because maintaining the illusion that drivers and cyclists are equal is the key to making sure that they stay unequal" - Woah

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