Friday, December 2, 2011

BSNYC Single Speed Quiz-Taking World Championships!

In yesterday's post, I mentioned 20th century swimsuit model Christie Brinkley in the context of the movie "National Lampoon's Vacation," which most critics agree is the greatest road movie in the history of cinema. In mentioning her, I used a still from the iconic Ferrari scene in that film, but accomplished artist Erik K subsequently pointed out that this one would have been more appropriate:

Please note that I have excised the gluteal muscles in order to protect those of you who toil in workplaces subject to puritanical mores, but if you'd like to see what the human posterior looked like during the Carter administration you can do so here. Sure, I'd like to live in a society in which people could study historical images like this freely while pretending to work, but there's no way I could sleep at night knowing that even a single member of the 99% lost his or her job merely for the sake of some "vintage tuchus."

Speaking of the 99%, if you're participating in an #Occupy protest in Portland and are looking for someplace to hold an "epic" 36-hour drumming circle, why not break into this Fredly dream house "curated" by a member of the 1%?

As much as they're enjoying their new home, the Butlers' favorite feature is across their bluestone courtyard. Their three-room bicycle garage is made of the same materials, and has floor-to-ceiling glass sliding doors in the fitness room that open to the same courtyard as the floor-to-ceiling sliding glass doors in the main house's dining room. In addition to the hot-water station and sauna for after cold-weather rides, there's a washer and dryer and clothing cabinets for all their cycling gear.

Well good for them. Unfortunately though, this article is going to bring them considerable grief, since having 600 square foot "garage" in Portland that contains no handmade bicycles nor even a single "bake feets" is surely in violation of several local zoning ordinances. Plus, they're sure to feel the wrath of the local "bike culture." I mean, come on, this is Portland! Where the hell is the artisanal commuting bike with the giant lunchbox on the front? Where are all the Speedvagens? Where's the one-off Chris King stainless steel door hardware?!? In Portland, walking into a room like this and seeing words like "Langster" and "Jamis" is like going into the kitchen and finding Folgers instead of Stumptown.

At the very least, they better have a closet full of Rapha in there, if not an actual Rapha-clad butler-slash-soigneur who rubs overpriced embrocation into their legs while they sip their Folgers before every training ride. And speaking of Rapha, it would appear that Raphagate is still kicking, for you can now by this t-shirt:

Epic.

With that out of the way, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think--think!--and click on your answer. If you're right you are the Single Speed Quiz-Taking World Champion and should report immediately to the podium for tattooing, and if you're wrong you'll see a clash of cultures.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and have a safe ride.


--Wildcat Rock Machine




1) Which of the following is the 2013 SRAM Red group not expected to feature?

--"A more pronounced knob up front to provide a more secure handhold"
--"The complete elimination of trim"
--"Unusually generous rim clearance"
--"A silky smooth self-lubricating drivetrain"



"At about US$12,000, the bikes don't lose much weight and just look more exotic," Montgomery admitted. "I remember someone asking why our RED Equipped LTD a few years ago didn't include ceramic bearings. Well, we drew the line – US$13,000 was too much and a ceramic bearing is invisible."

2) Uncompromising (well, at least aesthetically) ultra-expensive top-of-the-line road bikes are called:






3) What is the purpose of this bottle?







("Sideboob poetry tattoos" are "tramp stamps" for graduate students.)

4) What form of poetry is the New York City Department of Transportation now employing as a traffic-calming device?

--Doggerel





5) What is the pope doing?






(This famous truffle doubled for John Hurt in David Lynch's 1980 film, "The Elephant Man.")

6) "Foodies" call the semen-like odor emitted by a truffle:

7) Gourmet grocery Dean & Deluca is opening an artisanal semen shop.



***Special Corporate America-Themed Bonus Question***

("Hipster" is just 21st century slang for "conformist.")

How do you improve hipster productivity in the workplace?

--Offer them incentives such as new fixies if they meet certain performance goals
--Create hipster-friendly ergonomic work environments in which they can trackstand all day long

222 comments:

1 – 200 of 222   Newer›   Newest»
pebes said...

First

pebes said...

second

pebes said...

third

KyleFlannigan said...

podium

pebes said...

fourth

Anonymous said...

hey now,,

KyleFlannigan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pebes said...

I curse the name KYLEFLANNIGAN!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

fry day phun ten

theEel said...

topteneel!

I am a happy engine said...

Damn good week, got the quiz right, even the hard one.

not pebes said...

artisanal zombie arsenals

Anonymous said...

I'm quite sure I would like to see more of the side boob tat girl.

g said...

I'm not really a do-it-yourself kind of person, but fuck, $1500US for 4 pieces of pipe and a slab of old wood?! But, hey, you get free shipping. Guess they built something into the margin.

Anonymous said...

Why not boycott Rapha?

Anonymous said...

That t-shirt isn't mean enough.

crosspalms said...

When I want to look at my 22 bikes, I just take a kaleidoscope down to the basement and bingo -- there they are. Getting the sauna and the panoramic view (it's a basement, after all) may take more effort. But I'm an optimist and I have the whole weekend ahead of me. As long as I don't spend the time stewing over the bonus question. I was sure it was a trick.

DoNotReact said...

These haiku drive me crazy. There's nothing poetic—or fun or quirky—about getting doored or run over. These should immediately be replaced by large signs that read, "SPEEDING KILLS" and "LOOK BEFORE YOU TURN," and "SLOW DOWN" &c. Assholes.

Big Charlie said...

Got them all except the bonus. So I say 100%!!

Anonymous said...

I was boycotting Rapha before it was cool.

BikeSnobNYC said...

DoNotReact,

I agree. I guess they couldn't afford any more David Byrne bike racks shaped like shoes.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Nogocyclist said...

One and a half million dollars for a two bedroom house with a 600 square foot garage custom built for bikes?

I realize there are major regional differences in prices for real estate but is housing in Portland really that ridiculous?

I would expect more house for that type of money in even the most expensive parts of the United States such as San Fransisco or in the prime neighborhoods of New York City.

In my area of the country, that house would be worth no more than $230,000 in a prime neighborhood. Of course, most prime neighborhoods require a minimum of 3,000 square foot livable space around here, so you probably could not even build it in a neighborhood that has a starting price point in the half million range.

Marcel Da Chump said...

I can't believe the Piano Man hit that!

TMI said...

So the rear wheel was locked by the seatpost before the chainstay catch on the lower left fork had been engaged.
Here is the proper folding sequence:
1. tuck back wheel under frame
2. unlock frame hinge & swing front frame assembly rearward while turning handlebars left.
3. hook chainstay catch onto drive side chainstay
4. lower seat post and secure with QR lever
5. unlock stem hinge and mate stem catch into receiver
6. fold LH pedal and rotate left crank CW until it stops against rear wheel

Anonymous said...

22 bikes seems a little excessive to me. cool house though. I'm sure this couple are loads of fun to hang out with. probably lots of fascinating bike stories.

Billy said...

I could've been top 20 if I didn't read. I'm such a noob at this commenting race game.

Stumped by the motivating-hipsters question. Also, that's a fantastically expensive desk, but it is a bit more than just a slab of wood and 4 pipes. It slides forward and back, too, to allow dismounting. At least according to the description.

Anonymous said...

Pretty funny that denim trousers and a flannel shirt are now the default "hipster uniform."
That's just weekend and/or work wear. What is non-hipster clothing, and who would wear it?

Britney Spears said...

Man! I got em all but the bonus question, and now I feel all old and "out of it"...

Anonymous said...

that has to be one of the dumbest tattoos of all time. good luck explaining that one to your grandkids. nice side boob though.

Anonymous said...

boycott rapha

streepo said...

A perfect score.

Eating Raoul Alcala said...

Snob, you're dating yourself-- how many NYC "fixie" jerks or Portlandize wannabes even know-- or care, unless there super's name is Jose-- what Nuyorican poetry was?

"Artisanal" mofongo all around!

And fuck you the to Prospect Park "mountain bikers" who manage to smugly annoy ** everyone **.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Stumptown enemas" -Gold snobbie, gold. Your a sick man.

Marcel Da Chump said...

As a cyclist, I'd rather see the signs posted which Do Not React suggested.
But with bad drivers, it's a case of "in one ear and out the other".
To me, the goal of the Haikus connected to visuals is for the message to imbed itself in the bad drivers minds without illiciting anymore aggression on their part, so they can think about the consequences of their recklessness towards cyclists.

Anonymous said...

SIDE BOOB

Unknown said...

I know the Butler's. They are definitely not Freds. Sue has made the USA World CX team 4 times, and is a legit pro mountain biker as well. Tim is one of the best all around racers in the state in any age class.

Disappointed in the post. These are good people who work hard and don't deserve the snark just because they have a cool house.

Anonymous said...

I'm buying a t-shirt
or Ima fuckin kill youz.

JB said...

Unknown @ 1:31pm: Learn to parse.

portlandanonymous said...

nogocyclist
you're paying for materials and care of construction

i know it seems expensive, but you couldn't possibly find a house of that level of finish for significantly less, whatever the market.

if it were that simple, most of america wouldn't be living in cheap ass speculative developer buildings

BikeSnobNYC said...

Unknown,

I reserve the right to make gentle, broad Portland jokes on my sarcastic bike blog when a house with a bike "garage" the size of my apartment is featured in the most widely circulated newspaper in the United States.

And they may not be Freds, but if that's not a Fred's dream house then I just made the CX World's team.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

mikeweb said...

@Unkown,

Please refer to the 'About me' section of this blog in the right column. Plus, more than skewering the Butlers, I read it as more a skewering of 'Portlandia' and certain parts of 'cycling culture' in general.

In other news, last night I got to shake hands with the guy who won the 2006 TdF and then 'un-won' it due to doping. He complimented me on my hair.

Buy-cycle said...

Took me over 15 minutes to read today's post, dam Christie Brinkley's creamy hamstrings! top 50?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Patrickinpdx said...

Eben-

It's your blog and it's driven by sarcasm and satire. I get it, hell that's why I've followed it for years.

Encouraging a group to "break in" goes beyond "gentle and broad" jokes".

Poor form

Anonymous said...

Fight Tonight!

Brooklyn vs. Portland

Snubster vs. Pro cyclists' housing tastes.

Recumbabe struts as ring girl.

kerPow! Snubster takes a shot - his bikes are stored in his bathroom and hallway.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Patrickinpdx,

If you've been following this blog for years I sincerely thank you for it, but I'm also honestly stunned that you could possibly think I'm seriously encouraging people to break into somebody's house.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

oops said...

WCRM,
methinks you underestimate your power
or overestimate the commonsense of
the #occupy movement.

Anonymous said...

You cut out the booty, but leave the sideboob? Good thing nobody was looking over my shoulder while I 'work'.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:27pm,

I dream of having a hallway!

...and I'm down for the count.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JB said...

Snob @ 2:29pm: Thanks for the clarification. I was picking the lock to the Butler's personal LBS when I saw the SnobSignal on the clouds. I guess I'll go drink local artisinal espresso until I hear from you.

JB said...

Put this on your sideboob and smoke it:

She runs through the streets
With her eyes painted red
Under black belly of cloud in the rain
Where the streets have no name

Jim Miller said...

Can I be Christie's seat........

Creamy Hamstrings said...

Hi boys!

Is that a more pronounced knob up front or are you just happy to see me?

Anonymous said...

Is Christie rocking a rando bike with a front rack, fenders, DT shifters, and a Brooks saddle? Maybe Rivendell needs a new spokeswoman....

portland moron said...

Mr Snob,
I love your web log and have found it very very funny, but now that you are lampooning me and my friends i think that you are very mean, generally.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

JB @ 2:53
Whoa! Nice prose.

U2 said...

Hey JB!
where have we heard those words before?

Anonymous said...

Let's get something straight about where the money came from for the bazillion dollar Butler house.

Tim's bankrolled the project. I don't know if Sue works, but cycling sure isn't responsible for their Shan-gri-la.

Most money in cycling comes from wealthy people as their hobby.

g-roc said...

Wow, that's got to be the most boring 22 bike collection I've ever seen. I mean, I know they're racers and all, but 22 bikes and no customs in sight? No vintage bikes? Not even a Moulton? LBS is right. Snore.

Oh, and you could have had me on Q3 if one of the answers was piss jug. Still think the bonus should have been "trick question".

Anonymous said...

JB @2:53 -- I'm one of the best minds of my generation, and I still can't figure out where you lifted that from.

g-roc said...

anon 3:04 - back in the day, that was called a 10-speed. Everyone rode one.

mikeweb said...

Wait, there's a bicycle in that picture of Ms. Brinkley?

self obsessed and sexee said...

I saw Christie Brinkley last year. She got out of a chauffeured town car and I watched as she waited for her bags. She wore tight, form-fitting jeans of the two hundred dollar variety. Her ass looked great for her age. And her legs exuded the creamiest of heavenly gams. She was all smiles, a great beauty.

bikesgonewild said...

...i'd like to point out that i only have a "...single speed..." & i should also mention it's pretty damn slow...

Anonymous said...

I saw Billy Joel last year. He got out of a chauffeured town car and I watched as he picked his nose. He wore loose, food stained sweat pants of the two dollar variety. His ass looked to be sagging almost to the backs of his knees. And his legs exuded the aroma of advanced gout. He was all scowls, a great curmudgeon..

bikesgonewild said...

...i'd also like to point out that christie brinkley is 57 years old & she is one hot looking 57 year old...

...absofuckinglutely...

crosspalms said...

JB,
That was you? Thank god you made a noise. I was scoring the glass in the courtyard when I heard somebody at the door. Save me a seat at the coffeehouse, I owe you one. Still, it's been an expensive day, what with the last-minute plane tickets and the burglar tools. Snob, I used to think you were funny till you started suggesting a little Occupy/B&E, now I just think you're um wait, it'll come to me

crosspalms said...

Speaking of pronunced knobs, has anyone else noticed that KNOB and SNOB are pronounced the same if the S is silent, too? Makes you wonder.

grog said...

GNOB SLOB

Anonymous said...

BONS EKIB

self-obsessed and sexee said...

Anon 3:43 you're killing me. What a small world.
Decades ago, probably when you were unspent jizz,
I was at bar somewhere in midtown Manhattan and who should be there? Yes. The Stranger, Captain Jack , the Piano Man himself. As the night wore on, an obnoxiously drunk buddy of mine kept singing: "and your fingers gonna pick your nose!"over and over again, until Mr. Brinkley had enough and walked out.

jno62 said...

I'd have been here earlier but Herman had a hold of my pronounced nob. Or is it knob?

He let go when I showed him that Brinkley picture..............

Anonymous said...

Dear glod,

The WSJ describes post-war 4 bedroom houses as 'cottages.' Four bedroom houses are cottages now.

The Butler house reminds me of Ghery's house in 70's Santa Monica, CA. An eyesore that stuck out like a rococo knob on 60's particle board 'modern' furniture. FYI, That Santa Monica is gone now.

http://weburbanist.com/2008/02/03/the-house-that-shaped-an-architectural-generation-frank-gehrys-first-deconstructivist-building/

All taste is personal. I'd still say hello if they were riding by.

Anonymous said...

Check out this missed connection:
http://bellingham.craigslist.org/mis/2729678494.html

Apparently having the best bike in the world, with a sweet Brooks saddle, is enough to drum up love interest without the lady even seeing you!

Anonymous said...

"Off The Back Allstar" sez:
I got 100% on the quiz so all you haters can fall into a column of twos to suck my balls.
Should cut the ball-sucking time in half.

Martin W said...

That's the problem with the comments sections of bike blogs - full of opportunist burglars who can't afford to buy the Wall Street Journal.

Business Man said...

Speaking of the WSJ, where is Rupert?
He hasn't gloated here for a while.
Since nixing WCRM's op-ed piece,
bad things have gone down his world.
Payback's a bitch, AKA--karma.

Snake said...

Time for a crime spree

Anonymous said...

More like Compass Bicycles found a new spokes model.

Matt Haughey said...

Bikesnob, if you want to make this post go full circle, you should know Sue Butler won the Singlespeed cx championships a few years ago and got a free custom Pereira built as the prize, which probably is somewhere in that bike garage.

Anonymous said...

So if you work your ass off to build your dream house and train your ass off to become a great racer you are a Fred? Tim and Sue are great people who work hard for what they have. Maybe you should get to know them before calling them out on your blog. You have Tim's number so give him a call. And satire or not it's pretty dumb to encourage people to break into someone's home.

Some Rapha T-shirt said...

Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole, Nate Dogg's about to make some bodies turn cold. Now they're droppin and yellin, it's a tad bit late, Nate Dogg and Warren G. had to relegate.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Poor form? Why do you think that we keep coming back for more?

Slick Rick to Christina Brinkley said...

With your old wrinkled pussy you can't be my lover!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:54pm,

Just to be clear, everything I've written about everyone else in cycling until now has been fine with you, but making a few jokes about the Butlers' bike room has somehow crossed the line?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ce said...

If it wasn't for the bonus question I would have got the tattoo. I swear.

EASY QUIZ

ce said...

Oh, hey there Douchebucket. Yeah, you used to be funny, before you started making fun of bicycles.

Matt Haughey said...

everything I've written about everyone else in cycling until now has been fine with you, but making a few jokes about the Butlers' bike room has somehow crossed the line?

I'll chime in and agree with a few others here that usually you are skewering super famous riders like The Lance™ or complete unknowns like random fixie dorks in NYC. Calling a nationally ranked pro and her badass racing husband Freds is kind of dumb and off-base. Joking that people should invade their home or steal their bikes is kind of over the line too. They're great people, if the WSJ article was simply about some random people's house you could make all the Fred jokes you want, but these people are far from Freds and they're not anonymous rich people, they are both people that get top 10 finishes in nationwide cyclocross events.

So to sum up, mocking the ultra rich/famous = to be expected, comes with the notoriety naturally and mocking the anonymous goofballs of cycling = also fine and we should have a sense of humor about the edges of our industry. Mocking someone in the middle isn't your normal shtick and comes off as a bit mean.

JDH said...

i WANT THE tAT! iWANT tHE tAT! i WANT tHE tAAtttt! What? Shit.

ce said...

The Butlers invited the burglars in when they had the contents of their shed published in the WSJ.

Rupert Murdoch said...

Hey Matt, I'm here because "Business" Man called me out, but I really just wanted to tell you and the other bitches to shut the fuck up. If this is your first time here, I'll give you a break. If not, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Everyone is fair game, and if you and the others are that thin-skinned, you should stay home. And wear a helmet, satire is rough.

pebes said...

@matt haughey

What a load of horse-shit. really.

ce said...

Don't piss Matt off, he is looking at you with his big cyborg eye and will crush you with cyborg powers.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, HTFU.

You get an article in WSJ showing off your fancy house, expect it.

I don't understand why it's OK to make fun of the best pro racers like Lance, Levi, etc, but not pro racers who are only top 10 or top 20 nationally, and clearly are doing well for themselves financially?

Anonymous said...

I don't think he called them freds. He said they have built a Fred's dream home.

3G said...

NICE TIT!
SIDE BOOB

BikeSnobNYC said...

Matt Haughey,

That comment is an elegant Mobius strip of self-contradiction.

--Wild Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

"That comment is an elegant Mobius strip of self-contradiction."

Brilliant!

There's two sides to every issue. Oh, wait -- there's only one! No, two ... dear me, I'm so confused!

Vegas said...

You people are fucking tools. Seriously get a fucking clue. How did you miss that he said to break in to their house "to hold an 'epic' 36-hour drumming circle"??? What part of that is serious. Oh, that's right, NONE. You're just a fucking tool without a clue.

Snobby, you were so funny yesterday, but now you're talking about me and/or my friends and/or someone I know and/or someone I saw in a group ride once and/or someone I borrowed some chain lube from once and now you've just gone too far.

They worked hard for that chain lube and don't deserve to suffer through any of your comedy!

Quilled and Lugged said...

I wish you'd all stop bickering and eat me.

Quilled and Lugged said...

On the money for 100!

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Jeez folks, he said that the Butlers "curated" a "Fredly dream home", not that they were freds. And all the other snarky comments concerning it are directed at the cycling culture of Portland, not them. Are you really that dim? I mean, I only had one year of college and I understand satire.

Fer cryin'....

BikeSnobNYC said...

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition),

Thanks! I'd say you summed up the post perfectly but nobody would believe me, I'm just the yutz who wrote it.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Vegas said...

Err, yeah. Well said Nbc(n-DWIe). Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

yeah like fuck that shit assholes

its his soap and his dick and he can wash it as much as he wants to

Patrickinpdx said...

Bike Snob-

Semantics- Of course I know literally you aren't the kingpin suggesting an actual break in to the Butlers

My point is where does suggesting criminal behavior cross the line to being funny? "Why not break into..."

The fact is the Butler's are some of the kindest people I know. They often host visiting cyclist, loan anyone one they considered a friend one many bikes showcased in the article, have them over for dinner or on an group ride.

And yes the Butlers knew that by " having their home profiled in the largest newspaper in the US by circulation" they expected people to comment "satirically or otherwise"

My point is where does making reference to criminal behavior cross the line of satire?


I guess I didn't make myself clear enough-

I thought your comment was in poor taste and over all douchey.

These are some nicest people I know who would have gladly hosted you in their own home.

leroy said...

My dog says he's moving to Portland.

If anybody wants him, he'll be in the garage.

I'm not buying it though. He couldn't leave the traffic poetry capital of the world.

Ride safe all (and chill).

wishiwasmerckx said...

When BSNYC suggested (privately) that people break into my home, the resulting drum circle only lasted 30 hours.

The Butlers are entitled to a full 20% more drum circling than I in light of their non-fredliness and national stature, so I fail to see the problem.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Besides, Snob was just kidding when he said break into their home, unlike the Republican presidential candidates when they say that we should convert the poor into dainty tea biscuits and feed them to the 1%, Soylent Green style. Those guys aren't joking around.

Big Daddy Kane said...

you're like a butter knife

I'm a machete

tom said...

Juicy Couture Sales juicy couture Tracksuit Juicy Couture Sandals Juicy Couture Earrings Juicy Couture Flip Flops Juicy Couture Bracelets Juicy Couture Purse Juicy Couture Swimwear Juicy Couture T-Shirt Juicy Couture Sunglass Juicy Couture Watch Juicy Couture Necklace Dsquared Men Dsquared Shoes Dsquared Belt Dsquared Cap Dsquared Hoodies Dsquared Jeans Dsquared Suit Dsquared Sport Pants Dsquared Shirt Dsquared Polo Dsquared T-shirt Dsquared Swimwear Dsquared Shorts Dsquared Trunks Dsquared Jacket

Ben Levy said...

Finally aced a test again. Long dry spell. Great posts this week "wildcat". But then again they usually are.

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes the beloved Butler’s.
Don’t ever make fun of them or their miniature Osama compound with roof deck.
The neighbors love it, specially the on the “left”. Once they had the sun shinning
bright and hot….. really to hot… on their roof, but now there is the possibility of getting a cooling Golden Shower from that roof deck instead.

crosspalms said...

patrickinpdx,

Snob didn't cross any line. To think he was actually encouraging anybody -- anybody -- to break into a place is to put yourself on the same extraterrestrial plane as the Republican presidential contenders. And the FBI knows where those guys are. Granted, there may be people who read about a room with 22 bikes in it here, rather than in the WSJ, and think "jackpot," but I'm betting those are also people who are still down in Central Park waiting for the tire fires Snob said he was going to set a while ago. If the Butlers are as nice as you say, they'll laugh at the post and invite Snob over. Anyone with 22 bikes has to have a pretty good sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

Crosspalms:

The Butlers may be nice, but they're pissed. Maybe Snob will publish Mr. Butler's angry email demanding an apology.

Anyway, maybe the Butler Army should hold a fundraiser to support the Butlers, who are apparently willing to accept charity.

CrabonRetroPerv said...

Certainly enjoy the banter back and forth here in the comments....but did anyone notice that Christie is riding a Rene Herse? The saddle caught my attention (as did the Brooks)....
I'm sure it would be a nice ride (the Rene Herse...) yeah, right.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yea, it used to be you had to do something over the top to raise snob's ire like ride a recumbent.

I'm going back to fatty's blog.








just kidding.

Aced the quiz anyway... said...

Fourth bike in the picture is a Ridley. All's cool. The Butlers are nice people.

You can't make fun of a Ridley owner. They just look tolerantly bemused for a bit before they totally forget about you and whatever it was you said.

Why Are There No Black Butlers In Portland? said...

What the fuck happened to the comments? Fuck the Butlers-- you don't want attention, guess what?

Don't talk to goddamn reporters and certainly don't let them into your dogshit house to take pictures. if some jokers wanna go hardcore and start looking at publicly available zoning variances or whatever well...

... I doubt WCRM would be the one to do it and then you candyasses could censure him all you like.

It's always surprised me, in a pleasant way, that non- New Yorkers (& Philadelphians) dig the Snob as much as they appear to but goddamn, some of you fucking ersatz utopians need get over it.

The Butlers are attention whores with too much crap and deserve all the mockery and satire they receive & more.

Anonymous said...

Methinks there are black butlers in NoGoland.

Nogocyclist said...

Portlandanonymous @1:43

I really had no idea what the housing market in Portland looked like. I checked out your market on Zillow.com. The prices in your market are about equal to the nicer suburban cities in my area. The market in your area is not one of the higher priced markets in the United States like those I mentioned in my earlier comment.

No matter what the quality of this house is, if they put it on the market, their ROI will be dismal. If the house was in the right neighborhood of NYC, they would have no problem selling it in that market which shows houses selling for $2000 per square foot not being uncommon.

In a more normal housing market like yours and mine, a house costing that much per square foot is simply a poor investment. The owner may appreciate the house enough they can justify that type of cost, but for the rest of us, this is the housing equivalent to buying a "halo bike" to use as our daily rider. A Sheetrock wall, for example, will serve the same purpose as a hand carved teak wall with inlays, even if it's not as pretty.

Nogocyclist said...

Anonymous at 1:14am

Are their black people (by whatever name) in my State who have $1.5 million dollar houses? Maybe. There are not many, but it is possible that there are a few.

Now the question of whether there are black people in my state that have an under 3000 square foot 1.5 million dollar house?

Not happening. Any black who is smart enough to afford a house like that, who earned it here in this state that still puts some of them at a economic disadvantage, would be way to smart to buy a house that would be that poor of an investment.

Anonymous said...

I've found a solution fellow pdxers. Despite much protest from my neighbors (wtf do they know?, I make more in a month than they do all year), I've purchased an oversized shipping container from the port, which will be mounted on 20ft stilts next to my N. Portland bungalow and opened to the drum circling public.

Anonymous said...

On second thought, the torch-wielding pdx public is right: this post simply isn't on par with the rigorous academic standards typically on display by noted scholar, BSNYC. I'm at present scribing an enraged missive to Chancellor Wildcat Rock Machine, asking, no, demanding that the offending post be removed and investigated immediately.

Anonymous said...

I just got back from Pdx where I stole every one of those goddamn bikes in the Museum of Fredliness.
So all of you dumb asses with no reading comprehension (and less sense of humor) can suck my balls.
There Snobby, another case cracked.

Jo Jo Greene said...

The Butlers are nice people?
Fuck-outta-here!
Nice people can take a joke.

And if Christie is on a Rene Herse
thar saddle is an Ideale
not a Brooks.

Anonymous said...

TUFF DARTS Said:

"I love the smell of a hot sweaty bicycle seat."

yogisurf said...

Damn! Missed the bonus question....grrrrrr....

SanFranNan said...

Taxes! More taxes! Tax 'em hard! Tax 'em good. Borrow the rest. Fucking rich bastards.

Capitalist swine said...

O.K , the Butlers benefitted from the Bush tax cuts. And all the utopian socialists are upset. But the LBS that furnished the Butler bike shack won't complain. Trickle down economics works. Government manipulation of the markets leads nowhere.

JDH said...

Are people really upset that someone insinuated they may be fredly? I wear my fredliness like a badge!

I am a snarky engine said...

CS,

"Trickle down economics works."

Sorry to hear about your terrible accident. Obviously you were in a comma since 1980. Read a history book, perhaps an economics book to refresh your memory.

"The old get old
And the young get stronger
May take a week
And it may take longer
They got the guns
But we got the numbers
Gonna win, yeah
We're takin' over"

-j morrison

Capitalist Swine said...

"oh, show me the way
to the next whiskey bar
oh, don't ask why
oh, don't ask why"

--the Lizard King (son of a Navy Admiral and proof that trickle down economics works in Strange Days)

bikesgonewild said...

...now, according to Patrickinpdx, "The fact is the Butler's are some of the kindest people I know. They often host visiting cyclist, loan anyone one they considered a friend one many bikes showcased in the article, have them over for dinner or on a group ride.
...These are some nicest people I know who would have gladly hosted you in their own home."
...

...okay, then...i think it's time we put 'butlergate's' feet to the fire...let's all go to pdx, head to the butler's house & put this 'well spoken of' hospitality to the test...

...no "break in's", we ring the buzzer, announce ourselves, "hi, folks, we're the group from bsnyc" & see if the butlers live up to the hype...

...& hey, i got first dibs on riding the ridley but let's just all remember to be good guests...

...wipe your feet before you come in the house, hang up whatever bike you've been riding when you're done, put the toilet seat down after you pee, if you're gonna use their toothpaste, cap the damn tube when you're finished, don't leave soggy towels lying around on the floor of the sauna & don't take the last beer in the fridge...

...if the butlers are as cool & as accommodating in hosting us as 'patrickinpdx' implies, then dammit, the least we can do is be appreciative...

...remember, little things can make or break a visit, so, if we wanna get invited back.........

Anonymous said...

Screw the debate....
I just want a passing grade...

please mark MR. Pissta

tardy not absent...

broomwagon again....

Anonymous said...

"satirically or otherwise"

Why are the rich so thin skinned.

Anonymous said...

Oh, fucking Jim Morrison. Useless self-absorbed hippie shithead that never graduated past staring at his dick. Fucking asshole. Fucking Jim Morrison.

Anonymous said...

Dear nogocyclist, I am contemplating a kitchen remodel, and was wondering if you could advise me as to whether I can expect to receive an appropriate ROI from the increase in value of my residence.

Jim Morrison said...

I will have the drum circle at my grave, you don't even have to break in. It would be a welcome relief from all of the heroin addicts and acid junkies usually here.

All You Portlanders With Bal Musettes said...

The Butlers are showing off in the goddamn Wall Street Journal-- what part of smug, conspicuous consumption do you candyass Portlanders not understand?

You don't like it? Let the fucking Butlers profile their crap in whatever Pacific Northwest financial cum upper-class lifestyle paper ya'll have up there.

Meantime, keep pretending you're anything but an ersatz utopia for white creeps-- killed the Indians, KEPT the blacks out by law, exploited the Asians.

But the Butlers like bikes-- woo woo!

Anonymous said...

The more agitated folks become, the more careless their use of apostrophes becomes. If I had a red pen.....

(...I'd have a red screen...)

hey nonny mouse.

screaming skull said...

I got dibs on Mrs.Butler!

(wha?...open marriage, right?!)

The real Jim Morrison said...

I stopped staring at my dick a long time ago. Now I stare at my Ridley.

Anonymous said...

What we need on this here Blogger comments dingus is a thumbs up / thumbs down rating system.

Only then could I express my appreciation to all of you commenterati adequately.

XOXO

Not that Anonymous

Nogocyclist said...

Anonymous @11:05 (Saturday)

Need more information to make that call. If you are actually considering this remodel and want to know how much to spend to update the kitchen, the best thing to do would be to consult a local real estate agent in your area. They would gladly tell you what would be a reasonable amount to spend on a kitchen in your area.

If the expenditures increase the value of your house in an amount greater than or equal to the amount you spend, it would be a wise investment. Likewise if you get the enjoyment from the kitchen that is greater than the enjoyment you would receive from something else you could spend your money on, it still would be a wise investment.

On the other hand, if you put a totally new kitchen in with Italian Marble counters and all commercial kitchen quality appliances you may want to consider the resale value of the house you are putting it in.

If other houses in the neighborhood sell for less than $130,000 (for example) there is no way you will recover your investment of $40,000-$80,000.

To all the other readers of these series of comments, I am sorry. I know no one wants to read comments that are just good old common since (and non cycling related.) I will try to do better....

Joe Monk Wolf said...

Nogo,
useful knowledge is always appreciated. Just watch out for the smart alecks purposely baiting you into a ramble.

Anonymous said...

It appears that the Butlers are both gainfully employed and like wood and fancy plumbing. What's the big deal?
Heck, I'm given to showing off what little wood I have and if I had four hundred grand worth I'd be showing it off in the WSJ too.

Nogocyclist said...

Joe Monk Wolf, I know.

Truthfully, I am just playing along to run up the comments so we can have another page change. Then everyone can make another run at the podium like last time the comments went out of control.

red neckerson said...

i gots out of the big house for chrismas somethin about a little disagreement about my allergies and shit and why i needed all them deconjestents for the piggly wiggly pharmacy

anyways you biciclerist fellers think yor shit dont stink because you gots fancy bikes and vote fer that obamer feller

you is jest a bunch of haters and wen you gets down to it jest a bunch of dicks
ricky says fuck you too

Hungry Panda said...

150, seems you hit a nerve snob, good for you.

Earl said...

Hey red neckerson! Ya'll ain't no real redneck! Ya'lls a carpetbaggin' poser-yankee! Real rednnecks does ride bysickles, drinks beers and smokes cheap cigs. And ah hates that Obamer feller, cuz he's cullerd feller, and he pokes yer sister and ricky at the same time! You is a fake!

Black Sheep said...

you can get with this

or you can with that

Donna Summer said...

I feel love.

Rod Strickland said...

rode my bike
to the bar
met a couple of friends
drinking Southern Comfort
played some of the rappers in the comments
on the juke box
snorted a little cocaine

where?
my home town,
the anti-PDX.

crosspalms said...

Nogo,
That WAS pretty amazing. Hard to believe there was anything left of the podium by the time it was done.

My wife and I rehabbed an old house in Chicago and pretty much ignored all your sensible advice (and probably would have if you'd given it to us in time, too). Partly it was that, since the house needed to be gutted, picking out new stuff was kind of like using play money. And partly it was that we plan on staying here till they carry us out, so we wanted to do a nice job. No way we'll get the money back unless there's another bubble (I wish we'd timed THAT better, but smarter people than me have failed at that), but we're OK with that. We like it, the cats like it, and we can ride to work. (Or take the bus if it's raining...)

Tiny Archibald said...

Rod! My homey!
you kicked ass with the Trail Blazers!

Luke said...

I think we can blame this on your recent posts, Snob.

http://gothamist.com/2011/12/03/christie_brinkley_hit_with_531k_lei.php

PeeWee said...

DDDDOTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

SuperRunOnSentence said...

I'm just postin because the laundry is not done and it's late and I'm killing time but the comments did make me laugh a whole bunch which was nice so good job folks I like hanging around here on the weekends sometimes.
That is all.

3000 Square Inch Double Corrugated Living Facility said...

I had a Bulter, before the bubble burst.

Anonymous said...

The "friends" of the Butlers need to get a clue. Seriously, re-read the post, if you truly believe snob went overboard with his drum circle comment, or alluding to any white upper middle class entitlement.

And yes, if you advertise, expect to be ridiculed. Fuckin'A Harvey Kurtzman, look him up you uptight mofos.

Anonymous said...

@ Matt Haughy

You sir, are a fucking idiot. Really, come back in a week and read you post and see if you don't agree. Certifiable, Grade A moron.

UrbanRidingTips said...

Tremendous post-cum-incitement to break-in. Thanks snobby.
The side boob poet is Anis Mojgani of pdx, professional poet and winner of back to back national poetry slams 2005 and 2006. No rapha-gate there: He got the tat, both years. But don't encourage him to show you where...

[This comment posted from the Butlers bike washroom. I have no drum, but I just downloaded a sweet bongo app on this smartPhone. Butler wifi is fast! Password "Langster". Assuming other drummers will arrive v. soon. Bring beverages. I've sucked these butler camelbaks dry! ]

Anonymous said...

There is an app for that?

J.C Stroebel said...

Living in your own private LBS should be skewered, ridiculed, goofed...you name it. And it's got nothing to do with the starving poor where ever. It's just a funny example of conspicuous consumption.

red neckerson said...

earl your a dumshit

yall means more then one and im the only one around

course i ride bikes why wood i come here cept for bikes and snobbys porn colection

ain't no reason to ride a crabon bike wen you kin go to the hazard walyworld and gets a mongoose fee like $70 which is still to much

you dumshits spend more than that on yer innertubes

I aint gots nothin about colered folk hell that cain feller sounds like he'd be a good drinkin budy

obamer is so fucking stoopid he cant poor piss out of a boot even with the dyerections ritten on the heel

o i almost fergets

fuck you

Reptilio said...

22 bikes is not enough for me. I'd love to have an endless supply of bikes.

Schwartz Babcock said...

A wash station, sauna...no mention of a masseuse. Probably an illegal alien and had to protect the identity.

Anonymous said...

More sideboob or Imma fucking kill you.

Anonymous said...

Butler is a financial analyst.

So, yeah, he's one of the pricks, his cycling hobby notwithstanding.

Count de Money said...

How dare you make of fun nice, rich people!
That's just mean. They don't deserve your scorn.
You're upsetting the social contract:
Wealth entitles the rich to a free pass on selfish, goofy behavior.

Samurai I am Awry said...

The Butlers certainly deserve some snark, but the way you sycophants circle around your leader at the first mention of criticism is hilarious, and sort of pitiful. Get back to filling out your boss's Excel spreadsheet, and pondering your rapidly thinning hair.

Samurai learned a new word said...

I think the comments here are way too syncopated to be sycophantic in the manner you are alluding to. Also, to truly "put down" the assembled I think a reference to a pot belly would have completed your thoughts nicely.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

nonny mouse @Dec 3 11:47

"The more agitated folks become, the more careless their use of apostrophes becomes."

Nice comment sir!

Samurai Night Fever said...

I have a sword (my superior mind)and with it, I will cut you down to size. Remember, I'm an ANALyst.

No Sycophants Here! said...

Mr Snob,
I love your web log and have found it very very funny, but now that you are lampooning me and my friends i think that you are very mean, generally.

WCRM,
methinks you underestimate your power or overestimate the commonsense of
the #occupy movement.

Snob @ 2:29pm: Thanks for the clarification. I was picking the lock to the Butler's personal LBS when I saw the SnobSignal on the clouds. I guess I'll go drink local artisinal espresso until I hear from you.

@ Matt Haughy
You sir, are a fucking idiot. Really, come back in a week and read you post and see if you don't agree. Certifiable, Grade A moron.

Screw the debate....
I just want a passing grade...

please mark MR. Pissta

tardy not absent...

broomwagon again....

On second thought, the torch-wielding pdx public is right: this post simply isn't on par with the rigorous academic standards typically on display by noted scholar, BSNYC. I'm at present scribing an enraged missive to Chancellor Wildcat Rock Machine, asking, no, demanding that the offending post be removed and investigated immediately.

Tremendous post-cum-incitement to break-in. Thanks snobby.
The side boob poet is Anis Mojgani of pdx, professional poet and winner of back to back national poetry slams 2005 and 2006. No rapha-gate there: He got the tat, both years. But don't encourage him to show you where...

[This comment posted from the Butlers bike washroom. I have no drum, but I just downloaded a sweet bongo app on this smartPhone. Butler wifi is fast! Password "Langster". Assuming other drummers will arrive v. soon. Bring beverages. I've sucked these butler camelbaks dry! ]

I think we can blame this on your recent posts, Snob.

http://gothamist.com/2011/12/03/christie_brinkley_hit_with_531k_lei.php

I just got back from Pdx where I stole every one of those goddamn bikes in the Museum of Fredliness.
So all of you dumb asses with no reading comprehension (and less sense of humor) can suck my balls.
There Snobby, another case cracked.

The "friends" of the Butlers need to get a clue. Seriously, re-read the post, if you truly believe snob went overboard with his drum circle comment, or alluding to any white upper middle class entitlement.

And yes, if you advertise, expect to be ridiculed. Fuckin'A Harvey Kurtzman, look him up you uptight mofos.

Snob, you're dating yourself-- how many NYC "fixie" jerks or Portlandize wannabes even know-- or care, unless there super's name is Jose-- what Nuyorican poetry was?

"Artisanal" mofongo all around!

ChangingItUp said...

Wednesday weed is just as satisfying on Sunday.

Samurai quotes Jeebus said...

The comments about the Butlers being rich are hilarious...the Butlers are so deep in debt/shit they can't see straight and managed to rationalize a 1.5 house in a .5 neighborhood. One more tremor in the markets compliments of the Greeks or Italians or Towelheads and they'll be featured in local newspapers about how they're doing living out on the streets. Wealth is relative, many times "rich" people have no money to speak of, just lots of debt. "Rich" people are just people and frequently lead lives of misery and emotional starvation in the midst of all that "wealth".

leroy said...

I do not like sycophants, I sigh
I do not like them, Samuri I am Awry.
But I'd rather read sycophants
Then some pedantic psycho pants
Who seems to me a dullard twit
Of little skill and lesser wit.

leroy said...

Please excuse my last post.

My dog wrote it.

He told me he's been doing tattoos on the side, but I thought that meant tattooing was a hobby.

I didn't realize he was composing doggerel for side tats.

Anonymous said...

What's proper here: Snob, Knob, Noob, or Rube? I just don't know anymore.

leroy said...

My dog expresses his regret and promises to behave if Mr. Wildcat Rock Machine drops more posts about buildings and food.

Obviously, he doesn't have a car.

Anonymous said...

leroy your dog must be a Lab.
Mine loves kids, is cute as a button,
and barks at semicolons.

sicko font said...

I can beieve the Butlers are nice people.
Maybe, even great people.
But that's a tall order, and it should include the ability to laugh at yourself, a sign of humility.
As it stands, they reacted like typical Masters of the Universe.

Anonymous said...

I think the Butlers are nice and I think Snobby is nice and I think all the commentators are nice and I think, oh hold on, here comes the nurse. brb.

Unretired said...

Whoa, we just passed that "lantern rouge" thingy.

Blog Drafter said...

Gallop to 200!

Blog Drafter said...

I'll pull...

Blog Drafter said...

You follow...

Blog Drafter said...

IMA GONNA FADE RIGHT AT THE END!

Blog Drafter said...

GO,

Blog Drafter said...

I see you out there...

Blog Drafter said...

Kinda hard to comment on sprints now...

Blog Drafter said...

Cyclocross season and all.

Blog Drafter said...

I don't know any of those people.

Blog Drafter said...

Without looking at VN does anyone?

Blog Drafter said...

There's a NYS.

Blog Drafter said...

I think a Compton...

Blog Drafter said...

That's all.

Blog Drafter said...

And the winner is:

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