Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ooh, That Smell: Feast or Forage

Yesterday I mentioned the controversial outcome of the recent Single Speed Cyclocross World Championships in San Francisco, which has the tattooed and be-shanted contingent of the "bicycle culture" up in expensively inked arms. (I realize that expression refers to the other kind of arms but it always makes me think of someone who's so upset that they've got their arms up in the air in dismay.) Inasmuch as this is now a bonerfied controversy (I realize it's actually "bona fide" but "bona fide" means "genuine" and you can't fake an erection) we can now expect it to follow the Official Controversy Lifecycle, which unfolds thusly:

1) A bunch of people put their arms up in the air because they think somebody disrespected something that gives them a boner;

2) They come up with an easily Tweetable name for the controversy that involves the suffix "gate," or, increasingly, the prefix "#Occupy;"

3) They get bored of it, put their arms back down, and resume playing with their boners.

At present, we're still in the midst of Phase Two, though there seems to be some controversy within the controversy as to whether to refer to the whole mishigas as "Raphagate," or as the slightly more Tweetable "#OccuWuss." Either way, hopefully we can resume our onanism and move on to Stage Three soon. One way of expediting this process is by taking an online poll, since online polls are the confessionals of the Internet. So let's all cast our votes on Raphagate, or #OccuWuss, or whatever you want to call it, herewith:

Should the Rapha SSCXWC winners forfeit?

Now let's put our arms back down and pick up our our boners again.

Moving on, owing to the considerable volume of my Thanksgiving repast I recently found myself with sufficient bathroom time to read the Food Issue of "The New Yorker," and in it was an article about a new culinary trend called "foraging." Foraging is exactly what it sounds like, which is to say it's picking wild crap and eating it. If it helps, think of foragers as "bucolic freegans." Like any trend, it's something people have been doing forever but have only recently seen fit to intellectualize, and it inspires incredible sentences such as this:

A few weeks later, when Paterson and I went truffling with an obliging local carabiniere named Bruno Craba and his two truffle terrier mutts, one of the dogs surrendered so helplessly to the intoxicating smell of semen that the tubers emit--known to foodies as the truffle umami--that she swallowed half a truffle the size of a tennis ball before presenting the rest of it to her master.

So how do you get your food? Do you order it in a fancy restaurant? Do you buy it in the supermarket? Do you co-opt it in your local food co-op? Do you harvest it from your backyard, window box, or community garden? Well, however you get it, get over yourself, because it's positively prosaic compared to setting off with a guy named Bruno and following some dogs around until they cough up something that smells like jizz.

It's especially remarkable to me though how similar food and cycling are. Both fulfill basic needs (food gives us fuel, cycling gets us places) and are so inherently simple as to be boneheaded, yet in certain circumstances both can be legitimately transcendent. As a result, both compel people to "bullshittify" them endlessly in an attempt to come up with a formula that evokes that transcendent experience again and again. By riding fixed-gear bicycles, people once hoped to experience the sensation of "Zen" with every trip. And by rooting around for fungus that smells like cum, people apparently seek the truffling equivalent of "Zen," which thanks to "The New Yorker" I now know is called "truffle umami."

This can only mean that fixed-gear truffle foraging is the next trend on the horizon, and the semen-drenched Zenlike state that will result in a successful "truffle run" will make "hillbombing" seem about as pulse-raising as doing your laundry.

Still, I suppose it's comforting to know that people still forage, just as it's comforting to know that people still walk. These are timeless behaviors, like caring for our offspring and playing with our boners. Granted, the days of ambulatory humans may be numbered thanks to sedentary lifestyles and junk food-induced diabetes, but for now we're still doing it. That's why I can only get so irritated when I see things like this on the Manhattan Bridge bike path:

Sure, as a cyclist I'd like to think that there could be at least one thoroughfare reserved exclusively for bicycles, but as long as we can walk this will never be the case. Yes, it's irritating, but our urge to wander anyplace our feet will take us is what makes us human, and when you take that away from us you take away our humanity. Whether we live in the forest or in the most populous city in America, we need to be free to follow the heady ejaculatory aroma of the "truffle umami" wherever it may take us:

("Mmm, do I smell semen?")

This is why cars can be so unsettling--they're private vehicles that cost lots of money, yet they trump our innate desire and ability to wander. Even cyclists and pedestrians can share a thoroughfare if they each make a bit of an effort, but the relationship between cars and pedestrians is non-negotiable. You either get in a car, or you get out of the way. Now, I'm not anti-car by any means, but as it is if you're not in your car you become an animal who's expected to scamper away, and if you're in one you become an asshole:


The douche biker on Dean - w4m - 27 (Brooklyn)
Date: 2011-11-28, 11:32AM EST
Reply to:

To the asshole biker who spat on my BMW near Dean and Classon this morning. That car cost more than your life and your stupid bike. I hope someone runs you over and breaks both your legs. If I realized you spat on my car and not the ground I would've been happy to do it myself. You're such a bitch to wait until I was stopped at a light behind some cars to do it. Scared of a 5'1 girl? Kill yourself.

Now, I don't condone spitting on cars, but I'm going to take the cyclist's side here. First of all, it's not like he pulled down his shants and made a "truffle umami" deposit on her hood. Secondly, maybe she almost hit him--and even if she didn't, what's some spit on a car anyway? It's a giant hunk of metal that lives outside. Birds crap on it. Cats sleep under it. Kids hang out on its hood when you're not looking. Nevertheless, the first rule in American social interaction is Don't Touch My Car. And regardless of whether or not you spit on a car, most drivers don't like you when you're on a bike because:

1) You are what you "own" (or, as is more often the case, lease from a bank);

2) The more money you spend on a vehicle the more human rights you have.

3) Anybody smaller and smarter than you deserves to be punished.

I only hope one day the driver of that BMW wakes up, smells the semen, and realizes she's been duped out of her own humanity by a motor company and a bank. She should go foraging for a soul.

Speaking of being duped, an unfortunate Williamsburger was recently duped out of a high-end blinky light:


short black hair wed night at the woods - m4w - 27 (S 4th)
Date: 2011-11-24, 4:42AM EST
Reply to:

You left right at closing time, and the bouncer, the bartender and barback all told me that you walked out with my $40 bike light that I absent-mindedly set down on the table right before walking out myself.
As soon as they told me, I rode off to ask everyone I could find coming from the woods if they had taken it. No dice.
FYI, I made it home safely.
You should also know that you stole from someone who:
doesn't have money to drink, which is fine because alcohol would be fatal while taking
this medication to treat Hepatitis C, which costs $50K,
which is why I'm so broke. But fuck it, I'll take being broke over being dead.
Anyways, enjoy your karma.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
what are you thankful for?

I think we may have just found the "Hipster Job." (That's "Hipster Job" as in Job from the Bible, not "Hipster Job" as in freelance graphic design or making $7 coffees.)

Lastly, speaking of bicycle accessories, a reader in London recently spotted this mysterious top tube-mounted canister:

I have no idea what purpose it serves, but given the front disc brake perhaps the owner has fabricated a truly "epic" master cyclinder for massive rider-catapulting stopping power.

Either that, or it's a fixed-gear truffle-foraging bike.

119 comments:

Anonymous said...

!

Anonymous said...

!

Anonymous said...

!

Anonymous said...

4.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Just missed the friggin' podium!

Anonymous said...

The top tube bottle is full of compressed air and drives an Air Zound air horn. I've seen and heard this bike in action.

Anonymous said...

top ten for HUGGY.. been a while!

Anonymous said...

Cipollingus!

Jasper said...

Early doors.
Sick in bed and craving entertainment.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

"resume our onanism"?

who ever stopped?

theEel said...

weed.

Anonymous said...

mystery canister;
AIR- HORN

Chris W said...

TRUFL SEMN

Quilled and Lugged said...

Hopefully, the big plastic bottle is full of piss to pour over the next Beemer thinking they own the damned road

grog said...

FOUR FEET
DOUC HBAG

mikeweb said...

To the Brat on Bergen.

Anonymous said...

Oops, can't stick around. I just unami'ed in my pants, and I have to go change clothing...

Test Tickle said...

"you, sir, are the BALL LICKER!"

crosspalms said...

Illustrated coffee table book coming just in time for the holidays: "Cars I Have Spat On."

Christo said...

As previously mentioned, it's for an air horn.

On the SSCXWC thing, as the slogan for the SSWC used to be: "If you don't want a tattoo, don't win".

I loathe tattoos (and the winner's design was especially ugly) but if I were fast enough to win a SSWC, I'd take it or forfeit. Yes it would end up somewhere very disvreet but I'd still take it - if I didn't want a tattoo, I wouldn't win...

Anonymous said...

Foraging faceshot!!

Anonymous said...

Nice to have you back.

cycle

Anonymous said...

Jasper @120 --

You know the day destroys the night,
Night divides the day ....

Kenny said...

THE ASHTRAY, THIS PADDLE GAME, AND THE REMOTE CONTROL, AND THE LAMP, AND THAT'S ALL *I* NEED! AND THAT'S *ALL* I NEED TOO! I DON'T NEED ONE OTHER THING, NOT ONE... I NEED THIS-- THE PADDLE GAME! AND THE CHAIR, AND THE REMOTE CONTROL, AND THE MATCHES FOR SURE!

Anonymous said...

i looks like you could catch hep-c from that canister bike.

mojito said...

I'll say the obvious. It's a horn If it works like the (Delta?) horn I own, it will be loudy loud loud. Think truck horn. Good for scaring squirrels and making obnoxious drivers jump when you pass them at the light that you should have really stopped at too.

OK, back to cursing the birds for pooping and the here-in-North-Carolina trees for leaking sap and leaves all over my beloved motor vehicles.

Anonymous said...

not sure i would take the tattoo, it's a good way to catch hep-c. just ask the lightless brooklyn guy.

Old Hipster said...

You kind of have to give people on the Manhattan Bridge a break. They did just swap the bike side and the pedestrian side, and there are so many walkers on the bike side that unless you were looking for signs, you could easily think that you're still allowed to walk there.

There's a guard on the Williamsburg who sometimes sets people straight. Doesn't the Manhattan have one of those?

Anonymous said...

spitting is a pretty bad offense, although i don't like the tone of her message i would absolutely agree with her. you don't spit on someone's property, car, bike or otherwise. if you do you should have all of your teeth knocked out. now back to my boner.

Anonymous said...

I was foraging for unami, but I found a pearl neclace instead...

semen anonymous said...

am i the only one who might be modest enough to NOT PUBLISH IN A MAJOR PUBLICATION that i find the smell of semen intoxicating? (NTTAWWT, privately)

is that really something to share with the world?

huh?
really?

hmm, ok

...and then Captain Obvious said...

It's true. You can't buy an BMW unless you score adequately high on the "arrogant prick" test they administer to you while they check your credit report.

Barbara Wawa said...

The BMW beatch must be an NYC thing, in Seattle it's the Audi drivers who feel and act entitled... 9 out of 10 close calls are from A4 drivers, although yesterday the right hook came from a Scion...

let's talk.

spokefolk said...

That has to be the most disgusting description of how a truffle smells I have ever read. Dude, if the truffles you are foraging smell and taste like semen, then maybe you DON"T have truffles.

david said...

The bottle is filled with spice, from Dune .

Anonymous said...

case in point:
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/clinic-china-infects-children-hepatitis-dirty-needles-article-1.983837

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure it's umami.

Anonymous said...

From an over-here viewpoint, I'd say that the Audi appears to have supplanted the BMW as the arrogant tosspot's vehicle of choice. I don't like the tone of her message, but neither do I think that he should've gobbed on her car.

There's probably a reason, and unless either (or preferably both) get in touch then we won't find out.

hey nonny mouse

Marcel Da Chump said...

You're so right.
Anyone who thinks a car
is worth more than a life
is soulless.

Etherhuffer said...

I would prefer to spray some unami on Dodge truck and Jeep drivers. A-holes to the max.

Anonymous said...

comon snooby that cannister is for a AIRZOUNDS or some similar horn type pump and play product...favorite line today"I only hope one day the driver of that BMW wakes up, smells the semen, and realizes she's been duped out of her own humanity by a motor company and a bank. She should go foraging for a soul."
that fits almost every prius driver..which are as we say on the left coast the new volvo...

mr.pissta midpack

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:52pm,

So it is--thanks!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Luke said...

That air horn has inspired me. Maybe I'll rig up something that will attach to the pump peg on my commuter. Way more passive aggressive than spitting!

Anonymous said...

Hmm. air horn schmair schmorn. That guy needs to get him a meth lab:

http://www.streetdrugs.org/html%20files/Recent%20Event%203.html

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

What is mycophagy?
As most truffles never break the surface of the soil, they must rely on animals to eat them and distribute the spores in their scats. The word "mycophagy" comes from the Greek words "mykes" (fungus) + "phagein" (to eat). Some animals, like the red-backed vole, eat truffles almost exclusively. In order to be located by hungry critters, truffles have evolved strong scents that, as they mature, can be detected from a distance by a suitably sensitive nose. Depending on the species of truffle, to humans these scents can be pungent, fruity, unpleasant, or delectable.

Anonymous said...

Dood, you can fake an erection:
AIR BONAR.

Imagine if you hooked up that top tube cannister to that thing!?!

Paul Bowen said...

Cumami.

Paul Bowen said...

How is spitting pass...actually, I give up.

Buy-cycle said...

Top 50? Puffing for victory.

Anonymous said...

As Walter Sobchack states, "Has the whole world gone crazy?! Am I the only one whole gives a shit about the rules?"

If you don't want the tat, don't fucking win. Hopefully it'll be the last time those Raphadouches will ever attend another SSCXWC. Barry Wicks did the same thing at the very first one in '07. He's not dared show his face since.

crosspalms said...

After Pungent, Fruity, Unpleasant and Delectable were let go, there were only Seven Dwarves left.

mikeweb said...

OK, someone's gotta do it...

Q: What's the difference between a Rose and a BMW?

A: On a Rose the little prick is on the outside.

Ba-dum-bum!!!

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

Anonymous said...

Dear WishIwasMerckx

I am sorry for the affluent, prissy roadie comment. We don't all despise you.

What I meant to say is that Rapha are revealed to be humorless dickbags. Apologies to any dickbags with a merry temperament.

Anonymous said...

Dude the Sprite bottle is for a very loud air horn. Something every commuter should own.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to thank you!
Reading this kept me from munching on dicks at the bus stop.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I'm thinking air horn.

anybody else?

Anonymous said...

I need to find out where these truffolla hunters are setting loose their terriors. I will use my boner to master bait them to the home of the mighty wood chuck. Wood chuck would chuck wood.

Bop Marley said...

Ima doin' the truffle shuffle RIGHT NOW

Marcel Da Chump said...

I've never spat on a car. But there have been instances where my ire had to be vented: I'd catch the motorist waiting by the red light and I'd slowly ride up to the front, spitting on the ground near the hood of the car.

Blog Drafter said...

"As a result, both compel people to "bullshittify" them endlessly in an attempt to come up with a formula that evokes that transcendent experience again and again."

Snob, you're on to something there. I swear, sometimes I think you're a fully realized being that just happens to write a bike blog.

"They get bored of it, put their arms back down, and resume playing with their boners."

Oh, never mind.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Dear Anonymous 2:20, thank you for your kind words. Not all of you despise me, just the overwhelming majority of you.

In fact, due to crowd-control problems, I had to install one of those number machines like at the deli counter. Now you have to take a ticket and wait your turn in line before spitting on the hood of my Range Rover.

Anonymous said...

AYHSMT

All You Haters Smell My Truffles

Anonymous said...

Big fan of the car spitting, though most of mine happens during my jogs and is directed towards the kind folks in cars that feel the big white bars at intersections are optional and their cars need VIP parking blocking the crosswalks.

g-roc said...

He wants you to think it's an air horn. It's actually a piss jug for a triathlete who can't bring himself to wet his shorts on the bike.

Dry Mouth said...

I reserve my spit for the joggers in Prospect Park who find it necessary to use the bike lane or the median between the bike lane and the car lane when the drives are open to motor vehicles. I usually run out of spit after a half mile or so.

leroy said...

Can someone help me with a Craigslist missed connection? This is what I have so far:

Goddess of German Engineering on Dean -- m4w (30ish, give or take a decade or two)

To the vision in Bavarian Automotive Perfection on Dean and Classon yesterday morning.  Words failed me, as I was struck by your beauty and almost your Bimmer.  I attempted to proclaim that my life would be complete if I could but die beneath your wheels.  Alas, my spirit was willing, but my too, too solid flesh weakly melted into a metaphorical puddle reminiscent of the drippings from a fine Teutonic oil pan. 

Forgive me, my darling.  I meant to exclaim "Bird thou never wert," but stopped short as I realized that was the "Ode to a Skylark" -- an automobile of inferior pedigree to yours. 

Instead, my Tourette's got the better of me and I basely spat my declaration of devotion.  How cunning of you to test my worthiness by offering to kill me to determine that my devotion is indeed undying.

Can we go truffling some time?  I have a dog who insists he knows all the prime locations in the L line tunnel.  He also claims to have dated Bruno Craba's terrier, but he may be pulling my leg in order to climb yours.  If so, rest assured he is easily distracted by shiny objects.

It's NOT okay to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests involving The Complete Idiot's Guide to Oral Advocacy. (What a rip off.  Not at all what I expected.)

Anonymous said...

I've found a roadie nose blow better. Do it on the side, they don't notice if it's noisy.

That is, unless the window is down. I had to donate some snot to some local idiots last week.

Remember fuckwit idiots leaning out of cars and swearing at cyclists! Don't do this just before you have to stop at a toll booth with the window down. You will get a faceful of snot before the cyclist u-turns and vanishes on an off-road route!

Anonymous said...

I would bet on the mighty Zound Air horn. As someone wrote, every commuter should have one.

It´s loud:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYkBHGurj-I

OBA said...

I wish I'd thought of that hack for the Air Zound before I sold mine -- I always ran out of air halfway through the commute and just resorted to shouting.

frilly said...

Mmmm, truffles.

Awwwe, wiwm, I don't despise you. You're a bit naughty sometimes, but that can easily be forgiven.

skink said...

If I could will myself, I would hurl chunks
on a bad driver.

Jasper said...

@hey nonny mouse - you must remember the Audi ads of the early 90's where a Yuppie wanker takes one for a test drive, then tosses the keys back after a bit of boy racer antics and says, "Nah, mate, not my style, knowwhatImean?" I guess times have changed, or target demographics at least.

I am a loud engine said...

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Shimano-Airlines-Downhill-Bike-Shifter-Rear-Derailleur-DI2-XTR-Saint-Sram-XX-/280746571546?pt=Cycling_Parts_Accessories&hash=item415dccb71a#ht_500wt_949

Shimano air line, home made?

No I want more information on a bottle air horn?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Leroy, these missed connections bring out the Pre-Rapha(elites) in us all. Bit in this case, an intense Haiku might do the trick:

BMW
Dean and Classon almost struck
Saliva on you

g said...

Have to admit, I was waiting, with some trepidation, for Leroy and his dog's take on the truffle/semen slant of today's post.
Well done, sir. Well done indeed.

Anonymous said...

Spitting on a Range rover is redundant.

bikesgonewild said...

...he - "welcome to dinner, baby"...

...she - "thanks, oh, yummm...are those truffles i smell ???"...

...he - "uhhh, well, no...i'm just REAL glad to see you"...

frilly said...

In fact, wiwm, if I could be so bold, I'd eat your truffle.

bikesgonewild said...

...new rule - if you're going for the win - we're gonna tat your skin'...

...not quite as smooth as - "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" but hey, the sentiment is there...

...get your tat on the podium like a proud winner or the big guys are gonna be a little rough as they hold you down in the parking lot whilst you get the losers version of the winners tat...

Feast of Frogs said...

I store my jizz in there and shoot it offending BMWs, "fixies" and motherfucking Chinee motorbicyclists (for whom I have zero sympathy). (China does what for me, precisely, besides having produced some swell poetry, novels, Wu Tang Clan?)

bikesgonewild said...

...out here in 'marin county', BMW stands for 'basic marin wheels'...

...fucking things are everywhere although they are being supplanted by the now ubiquitous audi...

...more than a few barge-like mercedes also...

Inmate said...

WIWM, yeah a lot of us love you. Not like a man loves his fellow man--we want to have sex with you.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, some sort of comment about rooting around for truffles in the flowerbox certainly seems in order now, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

umami
tsunami
punami
youmami
salami
oragami

Anonymous said...

some recumbant guy blew passed me in the park this morning like i was standing still, actually i slowed to a coast to drink some water but he still was flying. what's the deal with that, is it the long drive train or is the seated position just more efficient/powerful? anyone?

Anonymous said...

sorry meant past and recumbent

wishiwasmerckx said...

Inmate, I must say that I am flattered, but due to a regrettable childhood trauma, sex with me involves a canoe, two trumpet swans, indirect lighting and 48 cans of Natty Ice.

Are you still in?

Anonymous said...

Save the drama for umami.

Quilled and Lugged said...

wiwm - do you have that on YouTube? Sounds divine.

Anonymous said...

Prior to the 1980s, over 99% of the Chinese mainlanders considered, such practice of paddling on single gear freewheel bikes were one of their primary modes, for ‘genuine’ urbanized and suburbanized mobility. Were they more green, more considerate, more villager ‘Bike Sloop’, and so on, than the highly industrialized nations? Were their American Dream Dreamer potential, put on pause mode, as per their extended economic estivation plus hibernation? Why did one of the US top-dog statesman, after his early 1970s China visit, exclaimed: ‘Don’t wake up the giant’? Was that his preamble to show photo-ops support, or to subvert the rising of ‘Bike Snob’ culture revolution? Will this trivia be in or out of zone here?

Anonymous said...

I just received shipment of ten pounds of pork belly.
I will be crafting limited addition artisanal 'pork soft dong'
(usable as a sex toy and then breakfast) and a 'pork pocket pussy (also usable as a sex toy and then breakfast).

These fine pork products should be available by the end of the week. I will let you know for sure when and where they drop.
Nothing says I love you like pork and sex.

Anonymous said...

ooooooh yeah I'm famous! Nice! Some disgruntled Craigslist guy send me this link. Listen, really I didn't do anything to that biker but if he had rode up next to me and spoken to me about what I allegedly did, I would have apologized. I'm not the type of person that's rude for no reason. However, that was my property and he wasn't a child. I don't care how mad you are at someone, spitting is a disrespectful gesture. Especially at someone like me, who actually is very careful of bikers. He handled the incident like a dog, so I handled it like a bitch. I'm not sorry.

i dont spit, i throw up said...

@ Anonymous 7:20, aka BMW witch

Writing "That car cost more than your life " makes you a soulless bitch. Which is way worse than being "the type of person that's rude for no reason".

Go rot in hell.

leroy said...

Dear Anon 7:20 --

My dog says he is insulted, but I can never tell if he's serious.

And besides, I'm sure he doesn't speak for canines everywhere.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

@Bimmer Bitch: I've heard a lot of people say the equivalent of, "If he had rode up next to me and spoken to me about what I allegedly did, I would have apologized." in a number of different types of situation. I've also seen and heard what happened and was said when such confrontations actually happened, and I can't think of one instance that sounded remotely like an apology. I'm with i dont spit, i throw up

...just sayin'...

Blog Drafter said...

Anonymous @ 7:20 aka BMW Bitch:

I'm sure you're a nice person outwardly.

McFly said...

The 2 litre is for urinating in, then you leave the top barely on so when you get doored you blast warm pee all over the velour interior of that sweet Camry.

Anonymous said...

BMW, Audi, meh. I read that Mercedes is discontinuing their Ultimate Douchebag Machine, the Maybach. Not sure what there is to strive for in life now. Maybe I'll buy Rush Limbaugh's if the bloated old queer ever lists his on eBay.

Anonymous said...

I stopped reading the New Yorker long about the time blogs came along, and now get most of my news of its doings from this blog. However, it's worth noting that this is at least the second New Yorker article on foraging. In 1968 (late Old School on the Dachshund of Time) John McPhee published a profile of a forager with the decidedly Olden Days name of Euell Theophilus Gibbons. Dating as it does to the "Valhalla for English Majors" era of the New Yorker, this article is not only what you might call "good", but contains nary a single reference to any food item smelling of semen. Verily, brothers and sisters, I tell you that in this entire article no food item is described as carrying the intoxicating aroma of any of the ingredients of santorum, singly or as part of a frothy mix, though skeptics will note that in the late 60's one might conceivably have gone on the six day trip in the wilderness McPhee describes simply to escape the smell of santorum in the New Yorker offices. Anyway, the abstract is here http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1968/04/06/1968_04_06_045_TNY_CARDS_000291011 and the article is also to be found in the excellent hardcover compendium of 80+ years of New Yorker food writing entitled Secret Ingredients. If you have braised meat in the last year and fed it to someone not in your immediate family you should expect to receive this volume as a gift next month, otherwise check the library.

The cuckold said...

Wow, do I feel better. I was convinced that my wife was having an affair. I kept smelling semen on her breath. It turns out, thank goodness, that she is fond of truffles.

RS Gold said...

To be sure with the previously referred to .I just tested out as you encouraged and it works superb Thank you so much. It is so interesting! Can't wait for the Special Close friends edition.Thanks for the links major bro!I've to say that you are doing a congrats, keep it up!

Anonymous said...

IF you look carefully you can see the air horn on the handlebars with a blue button on top to activate the aforementioned horn.

still like the idea of air brakes tho

Anonymous said...

too much drama in the poon tank
all of you nyc queers keep filling the bars, and this motherfucker is a part of it.
cheerio...girl with a mad stache and balls.
i wish i had no part of it

Anne-Marie said...

Top 3, Snobby. You're in fine form!

Anonymous said...

Comment.

screaming skull said...

"...the smell of it surrounds you!..."

Anonymous said...

"Sure, as a cyclist I'd like to think that there could be at least one thoroughfare reserved exclusively for bicycles, but as long as we can walk this will never be the case. Yes, it's irritating..."

Funny because I think the exact same thing when a cyclist decides to use the pedestrian side of the bridge. Maybe I should carry an air horn with me when I walk or is spitting more appropriate?

Anonymous said...

STRO KEIT

EUEL LFAN said...

Stalking The Wild Asparagus, son!

dekonfuxion said...

Knowing the obvious differences, will there be other commonalities, amongst single speed, BMW, spitting, ejaculation, pedestrian air-horn, post-preoccupied estivation over hibernation, and so on, along with consideration over momentary sense of delusional pain or pleasure?

chrisb8s said...

In the ensanada to rosaries 50 mile ride. I saw a guy with a can of pringles in one bottle cage and a can of pepsi in the other. Funny.

Ariel said...

Aw man. I'm a freelance graphic designer. And decidedly not a hipster. And yet, I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to wear more plaid and take the brakes off my bike...

don the cyclist said...

N

Anonymous said...

You wrote a very interesting article. And I agree with you. hair loss Read a useful article about tramadol tramadol

strangerthanfiction said...

HE INTERRUPTED ME WHEN I WAS WATCHING
"OW MY BALLS"!

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet

OMR said...

Lovely shoes ! It's perfect for the summer

http://www.xtraorbit.com/1366.html

Fixie Bikes said...

The Manhattan Bridge is always covered in syringes.