Friday, April 29, 2011

BSNYC Friday Superbowl of Ultimate Frisbee!

You know, last time I checked, this was America (or, if you prefer, Canada's cross-threaded bottom bracket shell)--a proud and independent nation that bows to nobody except for the Fortune 500 and China. So you can imagine my consternation when I woke up this morning and turned on the television, only to find that pretty much all of our fine cultural exports (actually, I think TV programming may be our only export at this point) had been pre-empted by a couple of Australian royals getting married. This would never have happened if Jessie Ventura were still governor of Minnesota, and I only hope this country can get back on track before we're all driving kangaroos and speaking Vegemite. Anyway, if I wanted to watch nuptials all day I'd hang out around Grand Army Plaza in Brooklyn and watch people getting their wedding photos taken.

In other news, while I generally avoid "geeking out" over bike stuff on this blog, I find myself compelled to share that I have just made a significant Smugness Upgrade to my Surly Big Dummy by installing an Xtracycle PeaPod LT child-"portaging" seat. Here is my Smugness Flotilla as it looks now:

(Everything about this bike screams "Smugness Noob.")

I know child seats are extremely trendy right now and a lot of people are "running" them on their track bikes just for the good looks, but I can assure you that I actually own a real human child. In fact, yesterday I took my human child on his very first bike ride, and I'm pleased to report that we both enjoyed the endeavor tremendously. Doubtless there are Portlanders who are reading this and scoffing at me for waiting this long and for not duct-taping an infant car seat to my SnapDeck and "portaging" him immediately from birth, but these are coddled people who don't know black ice from black beans, and I preferred to wait until the weather was fair and the kid was no longer small enough to use a helmet as a crib.

Anyway, here's another shot:

Speaking of child-"portaging," I am very much a novice in that department, and the experience was profound. Fixed-gear riders speak mystically of a "zen" experience in which they are "totally connected to the bike." Similarly, in riding with a human child, I felt transcendently judgmental and was "totally connected to the Smugness." Whereas ordinarily I only notice the most egregious infractions by other road users, with a child on my bike I could now detect them with superhuman accuracy. If a driver five blocks away failed to signal, I knew it; if a car passed me going a single mile-per-hour over the speed limit, I felt a tingling at the nape of my neck; if a stray cat so much as looked at me askance, I fingered my can of Puss-B-Gon and braced myself for impending attack. (Though arguably if you want to drive "pussy" away then an Xtracycle with a child seat on it is all the repellent you need.) I felt more self-righteous than I ever had before, and when I realized that this is how the average person in Portland feels every single day the revelation nearly blew my mind.

Here's the PeaPod LT from the back:

Notice it looks almost exactly like Dark Helmet from "Spaceballs:"

And here's a closer view from the front:

My human child was very comfortable in it and it was very straightforward to set up and use, though I confess I did find the foot restraints disconcerting, but only because they made me think of an electric chair. Still, it's better than the kid going all NĂ¼-Fred fakenger and kicking out some driver's side-view mirror. Really, the only problem now is I have less non-human hauling capacity, which means if I want to carry lots of non-living crap again I need to purchase more Xtracycle accessories, thereby getting sucked into a sickening Smugness Upgrade spiral from which there is surely no escape.

Speaking of no escape, New York City is so profoundly bicycle-unfriendly these days that even people who can't ride their bikes safely because there are no bike lanes don't want bike lanes, as evidenced by this article which was forwarded to me by a reader:

Do we in Bay Ridge really hate bikers? Are we primitive antediluvians who reject any mode of travel not propelled by a combustion engine? Of course not!

Biking here is great, especially along the Shore Road Narrows Promenade. Spectacular! I have two bikes, but find it impossible to ride safely along local avenues because they were not constructed to accommodate designated bike lanes in the first place!


Right, that makes sense. There are few things sadder than a self-hating cyclist. Plenty of streets weren't designed to accommodate cars either but nobody seems to have a problem with both driving and parking them on those streets. By the writer's logic, we should all be living like Amish people and navigating by candlelight since the city was not originally constructed to accommodate electricity either. It's amazing how selective people are when it comes to reconciling the present with the past. During the Revolutionary War the British came to Brooklyn and beat the crap out of us in the Battle of Long Island, but I bet Charles Otey was still wearing his tiara this morning and kvelling over the royal wedding like every other schmuck in America.

Anyway, from kvelling to kvizzing, I'm pleased to present you with a kvizz. As always, study the wildebeest, think, and click on your ostrich. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a mini recumbent, forwarded by a reader.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may the Smug be with you.

Smugly,


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) In addition to a 10mph bicycle speed limit, the Golden Gate Bridge District Operating Commitee is also considering a ban on:





2) This image is from the Rapha website.

--True
--False

(via Ant1)





("I pledge allegiance to the flags...")

3) Which of the following is not a part of the New York City Department of Transportation's "Bike Smart Pledge?"

--"Yield to pedestrians"





4) The makers of the all-wooden "SplinterBike" intend to:






5) If a water bottle is called a "bidon," then a rider with a bicycle-mounted wine bottle should be called a "bidouche."

--True
--False




6) Why is this person wincing?





7) The Travel Channel has announced that it is replacing bicycle messenger reality show "Triple Rush" with the popular Internet series "Pedaling."

--True
--False



***Special Time-Traveling T-Shirt-Wearing Retro-Fred from the Planet Tridork-Themed Bonus Question***

Thermal imaging helps detect:


101 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bing!

Trek Rider said...

Oh Snap Podium, first time! WOOT~!

Anonymous said...

podiunk!

Anonymous said...

wasn't her dress lovely?

Anonymous said...

Caught the tailwind for a top ten slot.

Anonymous said...

bollix.

le Correcteur said...

Top ten two days in a row; once under another name!

Anonymous said...

bicycle helments ja

samh said...

I AIN'T GOT TIME TO BLEED!

Anonymous said...

Now that you have the little one along teach him/her to give drivers the finger. It's so cute!

Anonymous said...

totally connected to the Smugness is good

Anonymous said...

Vietnamese kicked your ass too - still sore at them?

xyxax said...

" America (or, if you prefer, Canada's cross-threaded bottom bracket shell)"

...and getting beefier all the time.

crosspalms said...

I remember one of the first times I took my daughter for a ride in a child seat. I turned to see how she was doing, lost my balance and slowly tipped over onto a grass parkway. No injuries, but she had plenty to say about my bike-handling skills. Good thing she didn't know any words yet.

Mehjor Taylor said...

Snob - my child seat experience was completely opposite - when it was occupied it was a chick magnet of epic powers. Maybe its you and you've never noticed?

Re: Community Board 10's opposition to bike lanes - it appears to be a short term problem because they're all old and overweight and may be passing under the flamme rouge of life.

Twistyface said...

Guess Babysnob is going to be seeing a lot of that Brooks 'made in China' saddlebag then, eh?

tgs said...

If only the bike with the wine holder was a Masi too.

mikeweb said...

May the Schwarz be with you!

Schnitzel Truck blocked me out in the sprint today.

Doug said...

Apparently thermal imaging also detects tridorks.

mikeweb said...

Nice familial velocipede unit. The child seat is missing one thing though: a riding crop with which to 'compel' the pedaler to go faster.

I am th "not owned" engine said...

"I actually own a real human child"

That is just damn foolishness, Your posessions own you, and nobody can own a real human child after the age of 1.75 years. Bad news for you, keep us updated on how that works out for you.

Bitch of a quiz too.

Anonymous said...

I go "owned" by an infant on a bike once, I however was also an infant on the back of the bike, and did not know we were racing until it was over.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Back in my bike messenger days, I portaged my kitten home from the vet's. You're right about the extra-sensory powers. Wish everyone would operate vehicles like another life depended on it.

Dave said...

Yes!! Got 'em all right!

Snobbie no Bakfiet for you? Didn't want mini-snob to act as your crumple zone?

douche said...

What's a smell approved helmet? Do they come in different scents now? Are there trained helmet sniffing dogs out there saving us from the unpleasant odor of some helmets? Just when I started to believe that our government didn't do anything of value...

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

I can't believe that bottle holder sells for a mere $25. The artisan must have never marketed anything to cyclists before.

Anonymous said...

That Xtracycle's got more straps and fasteners than a Swedish dominatrix's corset.

Snob, u need to fix that front fender, looks like it's having its own erection.

Chazu said...

Aced the kvizz.

The upgraded smugness floatilla requires another upgrade: numerous routes with plenty of fresh air and far less ambient animosity.

Hairy-legged roadie said...

For the love of god, put a "Baby on Board" sign on the back of the kid's seat. So many times I've been in the process of rear-ending the vehicle in front of me, but that little yellow placard always makes me reconsider.

Anonymous said...

That Xtracycle's got more straps and fasteners than a Swedish dominatrix's corset.

Snob, u need to fix that front fender, looks like it's having its own erection.

5 burros said...

You're sure to win this weekend!

Good LUCK!

Visegripmikey said...

Y'know carbon is neat and all, but I still can't get past this description of it, which the thermal imaging site put so well: "Modern bike frames, especially those at the higher priced end of the market, are made from carbon fibre reinforced plastics"

It's fine for parts, but for the frame I still love my fillet-brazed steel....

Bad Lawyer said...

I'm in a trainning regimen, trying to get myself in shape for some runs at the podium in the coming weeks. In the meantime--like every week is a near death experience.

ringcycles said...

Beware Snobby, you may not realize that you're in the spiral of smugness upgrades until you find yourself ordering a Chariot X-Country to tow behind your Rivendell A. Homer Hilsen. A Big Dummy is the gateway drug of bicycle gentrification.

Anonymous said...

Hope your child is over one years old or else a ticket will be in your future:§ 1238 - Helmets and carrying children
• A child under age one is not permitted to ride on a bicycle.

Kenny Banya said...

FLAG TITS

Anonymous said...

Ditch that ridiculous modified car seat.. you've gotta get a child trailer! As little Snobbie gets bigger and heavier, you are going to be in for a big surprise when one day, thinking it's snack time, he suddenly lurches towards the bodacious ta-ta's of a salmoning beautiful Godzilla.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:36pm,

According to his fake ID he's 23 and in the navy so we've got that covered.

--RTMS

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hi Snob.

Yea I'm with visegripmikey I'll take my tubes made out of metal.

My little human has amassed enough cells now that he can operate his own bicycle. However when we are out riding the "Mama Grizzly and cub" feeling is strong as ever. At least we are showing them the enlightend path smug or not. We used the trail-a-bike apparatus for a while. that worked great once you get it up to speed.

When I was younger I didn't give a hoot about the royals but now I find the whole thing mildly amusing. The new Duchess and her sister are smoking hot. Besides it's good news for once and not the endless stream of doom and gloom.

Lastly, bike-stuff geek-fest at my blog this week. Check it out.

Great week of semi-pro bike blogging. Thank you and have a fine weekend.

Terre Haute Karl said...

Lob bless America!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

"(Though arguably if you want to drive "pussy" away then an Xtracycle with a child seat on it is all the repellent you need.)"

line of the month.

Evan said...

What!? You actually have that fancy-lad brooks bag dangling from your seat? I'm perturbed.

ringcycles said...

BSNYC, see what I mean, anon 1:39 is trying to be your Chariot pusher. "Hey, got get yourself a buggy, man!"

mikeweb said...

Sorry to take this off topic, but Oh. My. Lob! My ride into work today was a little later than normal. That combined with the overdue arrival of Spring made for hordes of riders doing what I do even when it's 25 degrees out, except not nearly as well.

So I receive a ticket for a right on red in January, when it's barely 45 out and today I see at least 10 riders at red lights not so much as letting pedestrians go by when they have the walk sign.

I actually mentioned it to one of them in my oh so sarcastic but lovable way, and he took it fairly well. Even thanked me and said it was only his second time out this year and that that's the kind of thing he needs to learn. He and I had a brief pleasant chat at Prince & Broadway.

Hmm. This is starting to sound like some kind of CL lost connection...

mikeweb said...

Oh yeah, and Steel is the shiznit. My Waterford Paramount turns 20 this coming December. I was actually thinking the other day how I should celebrate...

Anonymous said...

Glad you got the peadpodlt and not the peapodIII. I sawed the legs off my peapodlt to make more room for cargo.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Evan said...

regarding the mini-recumbent.
He's got a helmet mirror but where's his beard?

mikeweb said...

Well, it's a mini recumbent, so he should be rocking a goatee I would think.

ant1 said...

snobby - on question 5, shouldn't the correct answer be "bidet" since it's for assholes?

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

once your spawn is 3 1/2...take him out of the child seat and make him pedal the back 1/2 of a kid usable tandem (eg periscopa or bike friday). It also gets you a lot of room on the meanish streets of New York...the same people who normally try to kill you will wave and smile when they see your little engine pedalling along (or having his feet pulled in circles by your pedalling).

As a visitor to NYC I have seen the schizoid variabilty in response from riding a single to riding the tandem with my small feller; perhaps opportunity for a business renting tandems with rental kids for those of youse who'd like to try it out?

ant1 said...

mikeweb - went riding with a dude last night. his bike felt weird. he thought his BB might be loose. he rode anyway. about 10 miles into a super hilly ride on some of the worst streets in atlanta, he realizes that his drive side chainstay has cracked completely through at the junction with the dropout. rode the bike home. old lemond frame. steel is real.

Anonymous said...

I used to have a child seat on my bike. Took it off because the abortions got too expensive. Right on to whoever said they are pussy magnets.

mikeweb said...

ant1, same thing happened to my Peugeot 'triathalon' about 20 years ago except at the chain stay/ BB shell junction (hence the P.W. purchase). Though in it's defense, a couple of months before, an old lady tried to run me over and mostly missed me but bent the fork. Replaced the fork, but the fillet brazing must've suffered a hairline crack in that spot. The bike was pretty unrideable but luckily I was less than a mile from home when it happened.

Marcel Da Chump said...

mikeweb,
congrats on your Paramount (Waterford...nice!). The ride will feel even better
twenty years from now.
My PX10 turned thirty-nine this year.

Ride safely and courteously all.

Ground Round Jim said...

That seat is compatible with an entire array of Xtracessories. Potential shopping list:
Kickback stand - essential
Wideloader, at least one.
Cam straps
Long loader

Anonymous said...

Hey ringcycles:
Don't be telling Snob what to do. If he is really wants smugness, the Chariot trailer is a much better way to go.
Besides, once little Snobbie outgrows it, it could then be used to haul the Dachsund of Time to the off-leash area. (Bonus 'smugness' points!)

Anonymous said...

Just make sure those bolts are fastened. I was biking baby sister home from the library and boom! the top bolts let go and down baby sister went. The bottom bolts stayed fastened so she was also dragged a short way. No worries a couple stitches to the head and we got free tickets to the circus!

Anonymous said...

ps. Goatees are total pussy kryptonite

mikeweb said...

Marcel, Thanks! And congratulations.

gator joe said...

Snob,
Welcome to parenthood....you are now rocking the "minivan" of bikes....wooo-wooo!!

Jonah Gibson said...

In my experience, smugness is compounded when its cause is detailed and published using a Apple device.

7sp said...

I chopped of the leg retention/protections bits on the (dual for maximum smugness!) child seats on my Xtracycle (christened "the Dude Magnet", actually). Legs are protected just fine by the FreeLoaders; portage capacity is unimpeded.

Trailer Park Cyclist said...

Hey MikeWeb: How about celebrating with a bike give-away? I would be glad to help...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Speaking of Waterford, The recumbent dealer Hostel Shoppe has a house brand called of recumbent bikes called "Volae" The frames are hand built 4130 by Waterford Precision cycles. Every bit as sweet as their diamond shaped cousins.

My friend who was once upon a time the proprietor of the local Scwhinn shop rode a waterford road bike. It was a beauty.

mikeweb said...

@T.P.C.

Thanks for the offer, ;-) but I think I may treat the steed to a fresh coat of paint instead.

mikeweb said...

@rcp,

Just checked out their site. Those do look sweet.

Anonymous said...

we've been rockin the original peapod on our Xtracycle for a couple of years now. Smugness is still intact, as is cargo hauling capacity. However, little legs keep getting longer and now interfere with my feet. The extra set back of the LT looks nice in that regard.

ervgopwr said...

Pshaw. Carrying kids. I load my xtra cycle down with 8 dozen donuts. But all I seem to be able to attract is yellow animated bald men.

HOMR DOH!

gsport george said...

At least on the dummy the child doesn't have their face right against your arse, but true smugness only comes with placing the proof of your virility (and chivalry by letting them go first) out in front.

Soon you will have to chow down on all your baked-feet mocking words and try a long-john with all the implications that the capacious box that used to save the ladies blushes by concealing your potent manhood is now portaging the fruits of it...

Or at least you will be able to see when precious "shawley" or "white-mouse" are cast overboard and return to rescue them rather than live with a forever heartbroken off-sprung.

http://www.instructables.com/id/Long-John-Cargo-Bike/

mikeweb said...

I just remembered this morning as I emerged from my house to ride to work, I saw a Dad with his son riding by:

Bicycle - no child seat or even rear rack.
Dad - riding out of the saddle. Helmet on head.
Son - about 6 y.o. sitting on the bike seat a millimeter from Dad's butt. No helmet on.

I just shook my head in amazement. At least they weren't going the wrong way, but I'm they would be at some point.

Anonymous said...

"...I still love my fillet-brazed steel.... "

I've always been more of a ribeye/delmonico kinda guy.

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Anon @ 6:10; Ribeye... mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

3G said...

delicous!

I am the kid killer engine said...

"Hope your child is over one years old or else a ticket will be in your future:§ 1238 - Helmets and carrying children
• A child under age one is not permitted to ride on a bicycle."

What?
What kind of police state do we live in where you cant give your infant brain damage as soon as he fits into formed plastic.

What is wrong with America

Anonymous said...

Snob,
I disagree:
a child seat on the bike is a super pussy magnet!

I found this out when I borrowed a friend's bike for a month last summer.

All the girls were smiling and talking to me when stopped at the red light or locking to bike or stopping for coffee.
At first I didn't understand and then I clicked: The child seat!

Because,sadly,in real life without a child seat at the back of my bike, girls never look at me

Anonymous said...

I felt compelled to tell you that the piece of logic from yesterday's post about not discriminating against a group of people who ride poorly for that reason was the stupidest thing I have ever read. Also, I live in Nashville, and we are gearing up for the Country Music Marathon tomorrow (Not me. Running is stupid.). I am 98% sure that I saw David Byrne checking in this morning.

Anonymous said...

Correct answer to last question in the quiz is Underpants. Article said material failure, not metal failure.

Thermal Imaging Helps Detect Material Failure in Bikes...
FLIR Advanced Thermal Solutions has released a new application report that describes how Carl Messtechnik (Dinsladen, Germany) is using FLIR thermal imaging cameras to conduct pulse thermography quality tests to detect defects in bikes made from carbon fibre reinforced materials.

g-roc said...

That Team VAJ is pretty f'd up.

-zen coasting

Yoda said...

Installing a child seat on the Millennium Falcon, I am.

Uncle Sam said...

I pledge allegiance...

...to those jugs!

when I see that glory
I ain't got no worry
-Tom Verlaine (Television)

Anonymous said...

PUSS BGON

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I wonder if David Byrne got to the Country Music Marathon in Nashville by car? If it was he must have rented one.

Anonymous said...

Not everyone in Australia wants those people as our rulers.

Viva la republique!

ce said...

My 23 month old (almost out of warranty) said, "My seat. Dad bike!" when he saw the picture of your mobile modular smugness platform. Stupid little kid, I would never run non BioKork Ergon GP1 grips! Also, his seat has custom chopped legs, as is the trend in the Kid Haul scene. You'll get a handle on it soon enough, but here's a tip: Kid Haul Freestyle is where it's at.

I'd better go, I've only got until midnight to have my mandatory wedding gift registered at an official drop off point.

Bill Hilly said...

Child seats? Hell, 5 gallon poly pails or a good washtub are sure a lot cheaper, in fact free when you use the last bit of the cat litter.

Anonymous said...

No comments on the spaceball reference?? Effing brilliant!

Dark Helmet said...

Lonnnnnnne Star!

Critical Essay said...

You’re a fine blogger. Please carry on with it. I can’t wait to read what’s after that.

Anonymous said...

Good idea making the secret time 1:05... those fixed gear hipsters would never pick 105.

The Domestic said...

Don't knock driving kangaroos till you've done it... mine does nearly 80kph - that's nearly as fast as Cadel at the Tour De Romandie (he won with the aid of Vegemite).

leroy said...

Lantern rouge!

Hope everyone had a good weekend of riding!

STG said...

Hope some of you guys read the asswhupping I gave to the bidouche.

Anonymous said...

Australian? I think you'll find they're British. Prince William is 2nd in line of succession to the thrones of the Commonwealth realms but he's British..Idiot

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Here what i found -> vision correction

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Fixie Bikes said...

More like smugness apprentice.

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