Friday, March 4, 2011

BSNYC Plug-Fest! (And Friday Fun Quiz!)

Did you know that less than 200 miles north of Portland, OR there's actually another city before you get to Canada? Well, it's true. Located in the Puget Sound region of Washington state, this city is a cultural center for not only the Pacific Northwest but indeed the entire United States. I'm referring, of course, to the great city of Tacoma.

Obviously, there's not much else worth mentioning between Tacoma and Vancouver, BC, though there is a small hamlet of little consequence called Seattle. This small fishing village was disputed territory until 1958 when the United States finally wrested it from Canada in The Great US-Canadian War, and since then it has served mostly as a warehouse and shipping center for a popular online book retailer named after a river in South America. As it happens, though, they also have a bicycle expo, which is called the Seattle Bicycle Expo, and which takes place this very month on the 12th and the 13th:

So why am I mentioning an obscure bike expo in some grungy backwater deep in the country's Fern Belt? Well, because I'll be at the Seattle Bicycle Expo making a Book-Related Appearance, or "BRA." (Please excuse my gratuitous bold face.) Not only that, but you will have not one, not two, but three opportunities to find something better to do than listen to me talk. First, on Saturday at 1:20pm, I'll be following none other than Axel Merckx, father of cycling great Eddy Merckx:


Then, at 4:15pm, I'll be on an "all-star panel" that has no actual stars, has "laughing" in the title, and seems concocted entirely to capitalize on the moderate popularity of the TV show "Portlandia:"

But wait, there's more! On Sunday at 12:30pm I'll be talking again for 30 minutes, though for 25 of those minutes I may or may not be eating a sandwich:

Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it--though not as tired as Ryan Leech will be, since he seems to be performing like every half-hour. (I'm guessing Danny MacAskill thinks he's too big to do bike expos now and is holding out for an appearance on Letterman wherein he will do a "nose manual" on Paul Shaffer's head.)

Also, they promised to lend me a bike, so you can follow my Tweeter for news of any concomitant bike rides or surprise performances by '90s grunge supergroup Temple of the Dog.

At any rate, while I'm gratuitously plugging stuff, I might as well also mention that professional cyclocrossing person Timothy "Tim" Johnson and various friends and hangers-on are undertaking a bicycle trip from Boston to Washington, DC for the National Bike Summit in order to raise funds for Bikes Belong, as Jason Gay reports in the Wall Street Gerbil:

This is noteworthy because:


and

2) What has reigning Cyclocross World Champion Zdeněk Štybar done for cycling lately? Probably nothing, that's what.

So support Tim Johnson on his "epic" advocacy ride, and together we can "portage" our bicycles over the barriers of injustice.

Also, I cannot confirm or deny rumors that the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork will be on the ride (except to say that he won't be), but I have learned from many readers that he has made yet another in a seemingly endless series of cameos, this time in an email "blast" from MapMyRide daht calm:

I'm not sure how doing a "30 Day Century" challenges your "Inner Athlete," since that's only 3.3333333 miles a day and wouldn't even challenge your "Inner Beautiful Godzilla."

Speaking of Beautiful Godzillas, after over a week of traveling it was good to be back in New York City yesterday, except for the fact that it was awful. At one point I was riding in a protected bike lane, and while I waited like a good little cyclist at the red light a siren blared behind me. It was the "fuzz." For a moment I thought I was about to get a ticket for riding a bicycle with sub-par welds (I was on a Scattante after all), but it turned out they just wanted me to get out of the way since they were using the bike lane to travel the wrong way down a one way street. In fairness to them they might have been on urgent police business, though judging from the pizza pie in the front seat they were merely in a hurry to get someplace to park and eat before their lunch got all cold and rubbery. Really, the only upside of the ride was that I was afforded a fleeting glimpse of--and "shoaled" by--the Beautiful Godzilla's male counterpart, the "Beautiful Manzilla:"

Note the short pants in the salmon colorway, which draw the eye towards the sockless suede loafers. Now that's "cycle chic."

There is one bit of good news in all of this though, which is that the Manhattan Borough President has asked the Department of Transportation to reprogram the traffic signals in Central Park so that cyclists don't have to wait at red lights during car-free hours:
Since the driving force behind this is the local club racers who train in Central Park, it just goes to show that when Freds unite they do have a political power that far exceeds their meager wattage output.

Lastly, Stevil Kinevil of All Hail The Black Market recently forwarded me the following interview with noted steel smeller Dario Pegoretti:



Not only is it highly entertaining, but it turns out the interviewer is none other than the owner of the One Less Car on a Mercedes bike, so he's clearly a master of irony. Also, it's worth noting that the paint job on that Pegoretti in the background is slightly less attractive than the sticker job on the interviewer's Surly at many times the cost, and I'd hate to see what he could do on a canvas as large as a Mercedes SUV. I'd like to see a hideous paint-off between Pegoretti and John Slawta of Landshark, though afterwards I'd need a new set of retinas.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a short NAHBS-themed quiz. As always, study the item, read the choices, take a nap, feed the cat, fix yourself a sandwich, and then click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Human & Bicycle: A Love Story.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to stop and smell the steel.


--BSNYC/RTMS







1) NAHBS stands for:


2) NAHBS also stands for "Navigating Austin's Hipster Buttcracks by Segway."







3) Fill in the blank: "Disembodied ____."






4) English saddle maker Brooks is expanding into leather home furnishings.




5) Club Ride Apparel's marketing slogan is "Rapha for Cowboys."






6) The oversized bottom bracket is:


88 comments:

Nibbles said...

oh yeah! i win again!

Nibbles said...

and 2

Nibbles said...

trifecta!

Doug said...

Pode?

Lee said...

podium

Kenny Banya said...

GOLD!

Anonymous said...

i've got a plug-fest for you right here.

Astroluc said...

it's my birthdee and someone gifted your book to me! Wo0 HoO! :D

I am going northwest engine said...

yea seattle

randy said...

that lego disembodied hand is remarkably hilarious. the icing on the cake (as it were) is that the hand may actually be disembodied, whereas in a normal disembodied hand photo, you have to assume that even if the hand were actually disembodied, someone must be holding that hand.
thus the disembodied hand paradox. an infinite regression of disembodied hands...

Og LoneWolf said...

I forgot you were gone Snob.

FTW

Mark said...

Booh Yeah! Top 20!

Kenny Banya said...

Hey Snobby, was BMC at the show? According to VeloNews the new Impec is handmade by robots.

PawnShop said...

Foff.

Fingerbang Assistant said...

Whoa where did that bunch sprint come from? No bell on last lap.

Fingerbang Assistant said...

Disembodied hand spotted on the iPad 2 on apple.com

That's What Randy Said said...

Yeah, what Randy said.
Funneee pitchoor!!

mikeweb said...

In that Human & bicycle performance, I kept waiting for 'Crush-tacian' to show up and run them all over.

What a disappointment. Lob works in mysterious ways, I guess.

samh said...

With these kind of speedy responses the previous commentters obviously didn't read the rules and do as requested,

"...study the item, read the choices, take a nap, feed the cat, fix yourself a sandwich, and then click on your answer."

I just enjoyed like ten sandwiches and naps and I think my cat is about to puke.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

no comment.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I do have a comment -Nibbles is a podium hog.

mikeweb said...

BTW, from the Tim Johnson Ride FB page:

NYC events are set! Come by the @BrooklynBrewery on Saturday night at 8:15 for a beer or 3. Then 8am Sunday morning riding from the Hudson Hotel, thru Central Park with a brunch hosted at NYC Velo.

MyWorld said...

Just be careful here, Snob. Such a rapid increase in notoriety can only lead to one thing...

Anonymous said...

Watched the Human & Bicycle Love video. That's 3:43 of my life I'll never get back.

Thank Lob I didn't get any wrong answers.

H

Anonymous said...

That squirrel just looks delicious.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Super cute squirrel picture.
Are those shoes the Dromarti brand?

Anonymous said...

A friend wants to know where he can find a disembodied hand for an idea he needs help with. It's for a friend, not me.

Oldentard said...

I don't get it.

J-Bird said...

That Human & Bicycle Love video was so frightening I couldn't bear to risk another wrong answer, so I skipped the rest of the quiz. Welcome back, Snobbie.

brother yam said...

Hey, I finally got them all right.

John said...

"Smell the steel" would be a good name for a Spinal Tap album.

Anonymous said...

viva Seattle Tacoma
viva viva Sea-Tac
viva viva viva viva viva Sea-Tac
they got the best computers and coffee and smack.

Dave! said...

NAHBS could stand for "Not All Haters Ball-Suck." In a perfect world, anyway.

Anonymous said...

I just don't understand. It looks like English but the words don't make any sense.

cycle

peter g said...

I searched all over for you Friday at NAHBS, but your disguise was too effective. Did you take any pictures of beard hair stuck in the welds? At least I hope they were beard hairs.

peter g said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I Go Around and Around said...

"Since the driving force behind this is the local club racers who train in Central Park, it just goes to show that when Freds unite they do have a political power that far exceeds their meager wattage output."

I resemble that wattage. I figured my low energy approach would work as a clever disguise, allowing me to convince the higher wattages in this fair city to choose whatever lighted colorway they might like as long as I promised to exercise "caution".

Actually and truthfully, I have found the police in Central Park to be very polite and rather humorous. And Stringer's office has been openly solicitous of ideas. Strange.

"ON YOUR RIGHT!"

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Cunthunter Carlos said...

TLQOCMHM

Todo los que odian chupa mi huevos maricon.

gene99 said...

Here’s my conundrum:

Do I try to get a last minute ticket to Seattle so I can buy another copy of Snob’s most boring tome, or do I donate the money instead to Bikes Belong, a faux-grass roots “organization” whose only real mission is to promote bike industry sales? What to do?

Marcel Da Chump said...

C.C.C @ 2:14,
Was TLQOCMHM an Aztec hipster?

Test Tickle said...

Coming to Seattle, eh.

I'll be sure to stop by and say hello...

NEXT WEEK

balls.

Cunthunter Carlos said...

@MDC

Human heads rather than stupid rubber balls have a transformative effect on bike polo.

Just hablando.

Anonymous said...

The video is down now, dicks.

Democrat Danny said...

gene99

Don't do either, you douchebag.

Send the money to the Wisconsin Teachers Pension fund. We're a little short on cash at the moment.

leroy said...

A perfect score!

Has anyone heard of ticketing in Prospect Park? I'm not asking for me.

It's for my dog. He says he needs to build a base for the Five Boro tour.

Somehow I don't see Marty Markowitz writing the same letter as Scott Stringer.

Dan O said...

Smell the steel is better then smelling carbon fiber resin - usually - but not always.

See you in Seattle...

grog said...

Happy to see Recumbabe again.
RIDE NICE

Anonymous said...

NAHBS vid:

"huh? Pegoretti, whatever..."



what a wanker.

Evan said...

I don't think "crabon" is the correct spelling for your favorite frame material:

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/bik/2247356899.html

bikesgonewild said...

...ironic pegorinni interview would only have been better if the interviewer had been continually 'sparking' a lighter that wouldn't light his cigarette...

gene99 said...

Hey Dem Dan, If you'll send your unemployment check money I'll send my Wall St. bonus.:)

I am Teriffic Man said...

MAP MAH RIDE, BITCH!

I am Teriffic Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
g-roc said...

Driving down to the birthplace of grunge from America's carcake next weekend. I'm bringing my pristine copy of your book, hoping you'll deface it. Do I have to listen to you speak first or can I arrive late?

Anonymous said...

Hey Polluted Gene99 Pool, go suck some more new Mercedes fumes. That'll make you feel better. Fuckin' jackass.

philip williamson said...

Is "Hollywood Jeff" a real tool, or an ironic tool? Can there be a difference?

Anonymous said...

RIDE NICE.
Some Snobnoxious rodie asshat cursed at me for waving politely to him yesterday.

Good to have you back Snobby.

AYHSMDB
All you haters suck my disembodied balls.

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Fuck...I can't believe I pucked up that yarn salad!
It was expensive.

Bill said...

Hey I got an answer wrong on purpose to see the video and it was gone!

ken e. said...

welcome back snob! too much time in the snow today for cleverness.

ce said...

I think the NAHBS backdrop in the video has nicked it's general look from the cover of your book... which I might purchase if it is ever published in an abridged version (basically just the stickers).

ce said...

If I had the time to travel to Texas I wouldn't waste it at a peasant market of pedaling peddlers, I'd go slavering here:

http://www.texasarmoring.com/optional_equipment_texas_armoring_corporation.html

Scroll down the page to check out the Road Tack Dispensing System, Smoke Screen System and Electric Shock Door Handles. Or if you'd prefer, check it out in person at the next NAHBS (National Armoured Hummer and Bentley Show). The antithesis of all that concerns bike dorks? Or perhaps, our common paranoia of others on the road and fetish for strobe lights, puncture resistant tyres, security systems and leather seats unites us in an unlikely kinship. Just watch out for our big buddies' Dual Ram Bumpers, designed to: "provide for extra force and safety in the event that the vehicle needs to “ram” an opponent or obstacle".

India Travel Guide said...

Even this is the first time I am visiting this blog for first time I am proud to say that I am the great fan for this blog officially.

Lars said...

Seems to be bike expo season all across the universe. Even in Germany. My shop will representin' too on 12th and 13th in Bremen, which you've probably heard of...

leroy said...

Aaaargh. Stopped for a red light 5 blocks into the ride home last night and when I started up at the green, I hit a pothole or grate at 2 mph and pulled a classic Arte Johnson Laugh-In tricycle tip over crash.

Dinged ribs, shoulder and hip.

Funny how the slow crashes are the ones that hurt.

Of course, there was no traffic anywhere.

That'll teach me to stop for red lights and to forget to add "Ride safe all" to a Friday comment.

And I had a ride planned for this AM.

Ride safe all.

And feel free to tell Marty Markowitz, Anthony Weiner, Marcia Kramer, Cindy Adams, Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes, the doofus from the NY Post who writes the anti-bike nonsense and while we're at it, the entire NY Post editorial board that they're butt heads. (Oh dear, I think that must be the Tylenol talking.)

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, who cares about your ribs, shoulder and hip...the big question is...Is your bike o.k.?

After all, your ribs, shoulder and hip will heal, but if you tore your handlebar tape or scratched your frame, you are really fucked.

Kazakh Bureau of Goat Visitation and Sex Industry said...

For first time I am first time visitor and first time commentor firstly official but because I am liking it here. But first, visit web site of mine for joys of trip to my glorious land.

Anonymous said...

Say Hello to Heaven while in Seattle (often found in a BRA).

sewa mobil said...

Nice article, thanks for the information.

I am a snarly engine said...

Gene 99.

Do both, but I doubt either one will make you happy.

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...amigo, i hope you're feeling okay...i can still picture that arte johnson tip over & smile but thinking about you kinda doing the same, well, not so much...

...i still dig bsnyc/rtms but find myself reading & posting here less n' less...something's been lost & it's more in the 'comments' & the commentators than the column...kinda miss the back n' forth with a lotta the ol' good time regulars but, hey, nonetheless...

...& to be honest, leroy, the real purpose of offering you commiseration is so that i can bring up the fact that i've been receiving e-mails from that dog of yours...

...no, i will not 'sponsor' him & no he can't 'winter' with me out here...sheesh...i think he needs to paws & reflect on who's been filling his mussette all these years...

...anyway...hoping you're healing & ya, ride safe out there...

crosspalms said...

leroy
I did something similar a few years ago. Stopped at a stop sign, started to go when it was clear, caught my foot between front wheel and downtube and slowly fell over sideways. Wasn't hurt (nor was bike) but the embarrassment probably took a year off my life. There was a woman behind me in a car who looked, well, nonplussed. She had no idea what I'd just done, probably thought I'd had a stroke. Ride safe indeed...

ce said...

Come on, admit it bgw… you're finally running out of ellipses…

Marcel Da Chump said...

Leroy,
I suffered a slow, painful fall like you, but I wasn't lucky enough to have a dog to lick my wounds.

g-roc said...

Seriously, if Evan sells his crabon bike because of his post here, it's time to disable the comments section.

CRABON CRABON CRABON

Chris said...

Nice post, be back for more, x

leroy said...

My dog says I should trade my Road ID for a LifeCall medical alert pendant.

He's been sneaking up behind me and whispering "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up."

I'll get even.

BGW -- email my dog and pretend you're Chris Charmichael. Tell him he has a spot on your team but he has to spend three hours a day doing hill repeats on the Brooklyn Bridge by drafting tourists walking in the bike lane. He'll believe you if you tell him it's to develop slow twitch muscles.

I'm fine. Changed plans yesterday and managed some laps around Prospect Park at a liesurely pace that allowed plenty of socializing.

Ironic: it's more uncomfortable to drive a car than ride a bike.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
retiredtandembmxr said...

No wonder the Tirthankars have blocked you with hideous Fred karmas! Potato eating Jains indeed!

網頁設計 said...

Keep the faith, my Internet friend.

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Fixie Bikes said...

oh ho ho, how ironic that they used the old time-y bikes for their logo.

Hoerle said...

Say Hello to Heaven while in Seattle (often found in a BRA).