Friday, March 25, 2011

BSNYC Friday 1960s-Style Human Be-In, Narrated by Peter Coyote!

With the advent of the Travel Channel television reality series "Triple Rush," as well as the upcoming release of the Hollywood film "Premium Rush," bike messenger-themed entertainment is becoming a genre unto itself. Nevertheless, despite renewed interest in these glorified clerical workers, one wonders if a cinema classic such as "Quicksilver" would have been "greenlit" today. I for one believe that it would not have been, for it is in flagrant violation of the current rule requiring all messenger-themed shows and movies to have "rush" in the title. However, the following are all currently in development according to the Internet Movie Database:

"Quadruple Rush"
"Quintuple Rush"
"Medium Rush"
"Bill & Ted's Excellent Rush"
"Rush Little Hipster Don't You Cry"

Then of course there's the highly-anticipated "What's The Big Rush?!? Slow Down, You're Gonna Hurt Yourself!" It's the touching story of a young Jewish man who, despite his father's wishes, wants to become a bike messenger instead of a cantor, and it's sure to become "The Jazz Singer" of courier films.

I think I smell an Oscar for Justin Bieber in his Hollywood debut--though it might just be the heady aroma of unwashed "shants." Either way, the scenes of Bieber darting through city traffic with his grimy tallis fluttering in the breeze are thrillingly evocative and fraught with symbolism.

Of course, a real messenger movie doesn't need to be "greenlit" by some Hollywood fat cat, because what real messenger stops for red lights anyway? All you have to do if you want to make your own messenger masterpiece is to operate outside the studio system. This could mean producing it yourself, or it could mean producing it in a foreign country with its own film industry, such as Thailand. As it happens, Lucho of the esteemed cycling blog Cycling Inquisition recently alerted me to a trailer for a Thai production that promises to be the greatest messenger movie ever made ever in the history of ever:



I can hear the pitch now: "It's 'Quicksilver' meets 'Pee Wee's Big Adventure,' if they were both scripted by Adam Sandler and directed by John Frankenheimer."

I only hope someone gets around to subtitling it in American. Subtitled version via an astute commenter.

Until then, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a video forwarded by a reader named Jonathan in which somebody is clearly losing his mind.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and whatever you do, don't rush.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) Which of the following is not an actual character from the upcoming Travel Channel bicycle messenger series, "Triple Rush?"









(Sammy Hagar couldn't ride 55 either.)

2) After ticketing a cyclist in a Central Park speed trap, police then went to his house and apologized.





(Note the yellow arm band. Did aliens give Hagar the idea for the LiveStrong bracelet way back in 1984?)


3) Sammy Hagar claims to have been visited by aliens.



4) According to the above article, "the elegant, triple-triangle design created by the unusual weld of the seat stays " is "an old trick pioneered by GT that lends added strength to one of the bike's weakest points." Is this true?




5) In the exciting world of bicycle inner tubes, square is the new round.




6) Cycling clothier Rapha is branching out into:







7) Actor Ethan Suplee does not technically wear spandex, because Champion Systems clothing is actually made of:

--???



***Special Gesticulation-Themed Bonus Question***

(Best Made Company owner hard at work not actually making anything.)

This hand gesture can best be described as the:

84 comments:

luciferyellow said...

podium?

rfalso said...

podium

Anonymous said...

made it.

Anonymous said...

::breakdances::

Hans said...

Ooh, so close.

Charlie Didrickson said...

Nice cross chaining in the Easy-Deucey photo! Cripes...

Anonymous said...

top ten? z90

R. Black said...

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Anonymous said...

Slayed that quiz. Now it's time to lay down some wicked lines with my bros.
I hope you roadies can use your derailer this weekend without the wife nagging.

-angry dragon

acquiesce808 said...

aaah, the life of a watercarrier. finished ahead of the groupetto this time at least.

Anonymous said...

11? so close

cycle

David Henderson said...

How about...... "Rush Limbaugh, bike messenger"?

Admit it........ you'ld watch it.

I am the confused engine said...

A very good week snobbie, all poseurs and pretentious turds have been abused.

This was in todays comment section of Chicago Tribune

Cycling Season

Warm weather has returned, and so have the arrogant bicycle riders who disregard the highway, street and site walk bicycle laws. It was the taxes on the automobile that helped these ignorant riders who think they own the roads ride.
It is time for the police to enforce the bicycle rules of the road and issue tickets to bike riders who disregard the laws.
Bicycles should have licenses for people who want to ride on the streets and.
Nancy Walker, Homer Glen, IL.

I am concerned that the Chicago Tribune found it necessary to print it.

Anonymous said...

almost aced the quiz - i thought the last one was "pull my finger"

Not a Mellow Alien Today said...

I think Lance has one of those modified Deloreans, that is the only possible why Sammy got the Livestrong band. I have always suspected that some of Lances crew are aliens. It also explains how Lance seems to keep one step ahead of the UCI doping policy. Quick, check Mellow Johnny's Basement.

KC said...

Actually, that's a documentary. Thailand is really like that. I'm thinking of moving.
Sincerely,
A Thai Person

Ron said...

Best Made axes are the hipster equivalent of the Cadillac Cimmaron (if you're old enough to remember those).

Marcel Da Chump said...

That Sammy Hagar article put me in the mood to listen to the Pink Floyd (Syd's band) song "Astronomy Domine". Better yet, I'll listen to the album, "the Piper at the Gates of Dawn". There's a track called "Bike" on it.
Thanks for the early post, Snob.

KC said...

Oh my god the trailer is subtitled in English here:
http://www.fareastfilms.com/newsPage/Trailer-For-Juk-Ka-Lan-3088.htm

If there's a bad afterbirth joke, I haven't heard it...

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Thanks for the great week, Snobulator. I was under the weather and needed some good laughs.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Anonymous said...

Actor Ethan Suplee would not have lost all that weight without scientology. Who needs a bike when you have L. Ron Hubbard?

Anonymous said...

Was Astronomy Dominie not Blue Oyster Cult? (this is not me saying "You're wrong!", this is me trying to remember...)

Lovely sunny afternoon in Scotland.

hey nonny mouse

g-roc said...

Feel like I'm getting the bum's rush.

Endoverking said...

Isn't it "greenlighted?"

B. F. Goodrich said...

That there Michelin tube gets the prize for Silly Gimmick O' The Week.

hillbilly said...

have a good weekend yall

ringcycles said...

6/7 on the quiz. Square inner tubes, what will those genius French engineers think of next.

BTW: Could "angry dragon" really be Matt Maceda? Me thinks yes.

mikeweb said...

"Easy-Deucey"

Thank you very much, Snob. Now the people at work don't just think I'm crazy, my uncontrolled giggling has removed all doubt.

Nice job lucifer! And thank you all for not 'podium painting'. Or is it 'podium pissing'...

Anonymous said...

Went for a look - Blue Oyster Cult's was just "Astronomy". So I was wrong after all!

hey nonny mouse

ringcycles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

@engine, 12:03,

Obviously what Nancy is trying to say is that the Homer Glen school district that she attended is woefully underfunded. Or perhaps just non-existent.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like. It's got a basket, a bell that rings and things to make it look good.

-good call Marcel

Thanks for another fine week bsnyc/rtms.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Sammy Hagar is getting buggered on the side of the road. Bet he'll ride 55 next time.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Square Tube?
Why not, I mean fried ice cream is a reality, right?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Puffy Peter Peckerpusher said...

Drizzle me shizzle.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Matt Maceda either has really, really big components or really, really small chairs. I haven't figured out which yet.

Oldentard said...

I want to confess that I have never aced a Friday Quiz. That stupid Rapha soup thing got me. Soup. But at least I have never been probed by space aliens dressed like Erik Estrada. Pretty phunny it-shay.

Anonymous said...

That Sammy Hagar article put me in the mood to take 55mm of ringcycles across the top of a car in a yellow jumpsuit...thanks Marcel.

-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

Hey snob
Is Lance funny or do you have to laugh to play along?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Thanks, Recumbent, looks like I picked the wrong millennia to quit droppin' Acid.

Anonymous said...

Matt Meceda is a faceplant.
Sorry Charlie, I could never ride with such a confused douche.

He is like Allen Ginsburg listening to soul music with a confused Japanese wussie anchor tattoo.
He is im-posing on my lifestyle.

-angry dragon

Anonymous said...

What happens, do I get, if I got all of them right, and yet am not an avid rider?....but my dad owns several Hetchins...all stunning bikes

Bleevo said...

hey Bike Snob,

when are you coming to minneapolis? in theory it is warming up around here.

BIGGUS DICKUS said...

CAVEAT EAT SHEAT

Surly Bastard said...

Okay I would have podium'd. Hell I would have won hands in the air, finger banging, phoning it in, shooting arrows, making doucheclaimation points with both hands but i got to laughing so fucking hard about half-way through the quiz (which I was acing for the first time ever) when I fell out of my artisianal desk chair, landed on my fucking artisinial axe that was laying on the the artisianl sisal rug on the floor of my tiny office made of out four wood pallets zip-tied together and didn't come to until around comment 46, 47, 88 or so. Fuck.

Anonymous said...

Sammy Hagar is still alive? I thought he would have been beaten to death by Eddie by now. I mean, shit, you should hear some of the stories David Lee Roth, zigggedybodzoowop, has to tell down at Betty Ford. Balls.

Anonymous said...

Ethan Suplee is holding a copy of the snob's book in that picture!

ken e. said...

the world is a mirror...

Anonymous said...

You can't really see the book in the picture snob posted of Ethan Suplee, it seems to be peeking out of his genitals, but you see it clearly in the video.

bikesgonewild said...

...young thai messenger girl upon delivering an order of pad thai to matt mecedo who has now dressed his bicycle components up in doll clothes...

..."สิ่งที่มีเพศสัมพันธ์..."

..."hey baby, you wanna come in & play with my crank ???"...

..."คุณเป็นหนึ่งในปีศาจขาวบ้า, เพื่อน"...

..."come on, girl...spin that hub & tell me how smooth my balls are..."...

..."# 1 พี่ชายของฉัน gonna เตะตูดของคุณ !!!"...

..."hey, hot stuff, look at this...i promised you a 'big tip', didn't i ???"...

..."ฉันจึงออก'ที่นี่ !!!"...

bikesgonewild said...

...hell, i though everybody could read thai...

...so for those of you so unenlightened, here's a translation...

..."what the fuck..."...

..."you are one crazy white devil, dude"...

..."my #1 brother is gonna kick your ass !!!"

..."i am so out a' here !!!"
...

...i think i'm gonna do a bike messenger movie...everybody else is...

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

Golly said...

Nor Cal Tube Top http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1tOVxFjmXk8/TDpK_C72cDI/AAAAAAAAEEM/9ELHZ_57-sE/s640/Tube+Top+03.jpg

dazd and confused said...

is it me or does that actor in the foreign messenger movie look like Charlie Sheen? Crap! He's everywhere!

g-roc said...

ขอบคุณสำหรับการเจียดเราเดินทางไปยัง Google แปล

Anonymous said...

Oh, and another thing....while I was reading this (not the replies but the bloggety thing) earlier on, Burning Down The House was on the radio. Quite apt, I thought....and promptly forgot about it.

It was on the late afternoon show on BBC 6 music (Andrew Collins this week), since you ask.

Oh, you didn't....?

Sorry.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Given time, Rapha will be into all of that stuff. Meanwhile, back at the factory in China...

Marcel Da Chump said...

I work across the street from Radio City Music Hall where Phil Lesh & Bob Weir, aka Furthur, are playin' tonight. While I was checking out the scene from across the street, a lady fell into a seizure and cut her head. She's flat on her back, shaking, bleeding and everyone's trying to help. She was on the corner of 51st & 6th, on a bike lane, so I stood there blocking any oncoming traffic. The first cops on the scene were in plainclothes. They came out of unmarked vans which were staking out the concert goers. They got back into their vans once uniformed cops showed up. An ambulance soon arrived and the paramedics took care of
the woman. They got her on the stretcher and looked to be
improving. A few minutes later the plainclothes cop had
their first catch of the night: some dude, hands behind his
back,cuffed.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the great week snob!

crosspalms said...

Jesus, Marcel, Weir's only 63 so he's obviously still a danger to society. But Lesh is 71, so maybe he's not quite as ready to tear down the walls as he was. Plainclothes cops in vans? Yah, that's how I'd deploy my resources. Ack.

Fat UCLA chick said...

Ling long.
Ring rong.
Ding dong.

Damn Asians.

Yoda said...

Drive 55, I cannot. Cornholed Sammy Hagar, I did.

LK said...

Square tubes..... have you seen the frames those off-roadies ride? They're just trying to get your attention.

Charlie said...

Lovely article from the so-called quality press in the UK.

http://tinyurl.com/5wg3an3

The author is Celia Walden, who's husband is that hero of honest journalism, Piers Morgan.

bikesgonewild said...

...g-roc...

...handy little e-tool, huh ???...

Anonymous said...

Here's the original Telegraph article.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/8404908/Driven-crazy-by-a-fluttering-Fair-Weather-Cyclist.html

Someone got out the wrong side of the bed, methinks...

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Rapha - embrocation - hair care?

Anonymous said...

Panties!

glad im not merckx cuz now hes an old fat guy said...

Panties!!

Marcel Da Chump said...

crosspalms,
Ack indeed, WWJD?

Big Brother Who Dress A Lot said...

Ngoc!!

Mountain Girl said...

I think the 'J' stands for Jerry(Garcia).

I am a meh engine today said...

http://nymag.com/news/features/bike-wars-2011-3/

New York magazine - Bike lash.

ARRRGH and Meh at the same time.
Shaer is a hack.

Sammy Hagar said...

Yoda, I can't quit you.

World's Last Chevette Owner said...

I can't drive 55 either.

Yoda said...

Bum Rush!

M. Burnett said...

I'd rather watch a reality show about Opinionated Cyclist than any of these messenger movies/shows.

ttv said...

Cool questions. But really don't know the answers. :-)

Anonymous said...

Rapha panties? God, I hope not! All the doofuses that would buy them would have to wear them on the outside of their clothes where everyone could see them.

Vacation Spots said...

I have always suspected that some of Lances crew are aliens

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Fixie Bikes said...

""Bill & Ted's Excellent Rush""

Why can't this be a thing?!