"Bill & Ted's Excellent Rush"
"Rush Little Hipster Don't You Cry"
Then of course there's the highly-anticipated "What's The Big Rush?!? Slow Down, You're Gonna Hurt Yourself!" It's the touching story of a young Jewish man who, despite his father's wishes, wants to become a bike messenger instead of a cantor, and it's sure to become "The Jazz Singer" of courier films.
I think I smell an Oscar for Justin Bieber in his Hollywood debut--though it might just be the heady aroma of unwashed "shants." Either way, the scenes of Bieber darting through city traffic with his grimy tallis fluttering in the breeze are thrillingly evocative and fraught with symbolism.
Of course, a real messenger movie doesn't need to be "greenlit" by some Hollywood fat cat, because what real messenger stops for red lights anyway? All you have to do if you want to make your own messenger masterpiece is to operate outside the studio system. This could mean producing it yourself, or it could mean producing it in a foreign country with its own film industry, such as Thailand. As it happens, Lucho of the esteemed cycling blog Cycling Inquisition recently alerted me to a trailer for a Thai production that promises to be the greatest messenger movie ever made ever in the history of ever:
I can hear the pitch now: "It's 'Quicksilver' meets 'Pee Wee's Big Adventure,' if they were both scripted by Adam Sandler and directed by John Frankenheimer."
Until then, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a video forwarded by a reader named Jonathan in which somebody is clearly losing his mind.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and whatever you do, don't rush.
1) Which of the following is not an actual character from the upcoming Travel Channel bicycle messenger series, "Triple Rush?"
--Jenessa: "She grew up on an organic vegetable farm in Minnesota and was a star athlete in high school. At 16, she received a scholarship to study abroad and lived with a family in Ecuador. She followed that up with a double major in Spanish and International Relations and graduated summa cum laude."
--Dillon: "Dillon is a 23-year-old from Lincoln, NE, who had followed the messenger culture and aspired to be a part of it. One month ago, he moved to Brooklyn with his girlfriend to follow his aspirations."
--Tyler: "An MIT graduate and aspiring astrophysicist who makes his deliveries in a handmade fully-faired bamboo recumbent."
2) After ticketing a cyclist in a Central Park speed trap, police then went to his house and apologized.
(Note the yellow arm band. Did aliens give Hagar the idea for the LiveStrong bracelet way back in 1984?)
3) Sammy Hagar claims to have been visited by aliens.
4) According to the above article, "the elegant, triple-triangle design created by the unusual weld of the seat stays " is "an old trick pioneered by GT that lends added strength to one of the bike's weakest points." Is this true?
(A model demonstrates the new "Easy-Deucey" split-crotch bibs for fast and tidy mid-ride bowel movements.)
6) Cycling clothier Rapha is branching out into:
7) Actor Ethan Suplee does not technically wear spandex, because Champion Systems clothing is actually made of:
***Special Gesticulation-Themed Bonus Question***
(Best Made Company owner hard at work not actually making anything.)