Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Notes From Underground: Bubbling to the Surface

Further to yesterday's post, many readers scoffed at the Nü-Williamsburgers who are paying a million dollars for genuine industrial views and an appealingly edgy urban environment in which to raise their children. Sure, this may strike you as the height of irony, but the truth is you can't put a price on authenticity. Plus, sometimes that big investment pays off even sooner than you'd think. Remember this guy?


In August they moved into a $980,000, three-bedroom apartment at 80 Metropolitan. Through his living room window, Mr. Signer can see the Domino Sugar factory and the Williamsburg Bridge, partly obscured by the steel beams of new construction — just the industrial feel he wanted.

Well, he got it all right. How's this for an industrial feel?

But authentic urban living is about more than savoring factory views from the safety a hermetically-sealed million-dollar skybox. It's also an intangible feeling in the air that you savor when you're stepping out to hit those trendy bars and restaurants while the nanny watches your kids. Part of what creates this feeling is the knowledge you're living smack-dab in the middle of the Zeitgest, though the radiation may also have something to do with it:

If your children attend that school it's an outrage, but if they attend private school it's called "ambiance." If Radiac wants to make sure nobody messes with their building they should have Banksy paint a mural on it. Their real estate will be more secure than St. Patrick's cathedral. A child's right to be more than 1,500 feet away from toxic waste does not compare to a Nü-Williamsburger's right to live no more than 1,500 feet away from notable "street art."

And let's not forget the distinction of living right next to one of the largest oil spills ever recorded in the United States:

"I thought 'Greenpoint Oil Spill' was an ironically-named bar, like the 'Gowanus Yacht Club,'" I can imagine a nonplussed Nü-Williamsburger telling the New York Times. Nope, it started gushing back in the 1970s, when the neighborhood was presumably more sincere. Speaking of oil, if you were a hipster living in Williamsburg "back in the day" when the PistaDex was still high, you might remember all the sludge that bubbled up from ruptured oil tanks while all those luxury condos were being built in the first place:

"There are at least 8 tanks being removed. Oil has leaked into the surrounding soil. People in neighboring buildings are complaining of headaches. In one building across from the site there are 5 children ranging in age, from 5 weeks to seven years old."

Now that's "rock ‘n’ roll for kids.” In fact, the fixie-riding hipster has arleady become an endangered species surviving only in promotional condominium imagery, as a member of the Twitteroni informs me:

So where the fuck are all the friendly puppets?!? Well, if you mean those quirky colorful hipsters with the funny glasses, DayGlo bikes, and cartoonish tattoos, even their parents can't afford to pay for them to live there anymore. Anyway, it seems to me that if you want to try to maintain the illusion that you're "cool" by spending a ton of money and slowly killing yourself, you might as well skip the Williamsburg condo, stay put, and just take up smoking instead.

Speaking of harsh urban realities, the Great New York City Bicycle Crackdown of Death continues unabated, and the NYPD has reportedly "dropped" a whopping 1,400 tickets on the city's cyclists over the past fortnight ("fortnight" is "old school" for "two weeks"):

So intense has this crackdown become that I'm officially giving it it's own news graphic:

Incidentally, the "crack" portion of the graphic comes from this self-important alleycat video, which is of the oft-seen "Reckless riding is OK because we're helping!" variety.

Anyway, my personal impression of the crackdown has been that police are targeting recreational and commuting cyclists while sparing food delivery people. Granted, I have no data to back this up, and am instead basing this on the following observations:

--The people I have seen receiving tickets appear to be of the "bike culturey" variety;

--In Prospect Park this past weekend, police were on stakeout at a red light, waiting to pounce on any unsuspecting Freds* who failed to stop;

*Arguably, the term "unsuspecting Freds" is redundant, inasmuch as Freds are, by nature, unsuspecting.

--On Smith Street in Brooklyn, I watched food delivery people salmon, sidewalk ride, and run lights right in front of police cars with no consequences.

I don't know what the political implications of this approach are, but clearly if you want to flout the rules on your bicycle in New York City, the answer is to get a 24" wheeled girl's mountain bike from Walmart, balance one of those insulated pizza bags on your handlebars, and take to the sidewalk. Otherwise, you're asking for trouble. As for me, my plan for coping with the crackdown is two-fold, and I have both a short-term and long-term plan of action:

1) Short Term: Total Compliance

I'm following all traffic laws*, and have even gone so far as to outfit my Big Dummy and my Scattante with bells. (Yes, you can get a ticket in New York City for not having a bell on your bike. This is for your protection because, as everybody knows, nothing cuts through the din of rush hour in the largest city in the United States like a gentle ringing sound.)

*Obviously I mean I'm following all traffic laws on my bicycle. This crackdown does not apply to any other form of transportation, so when driving I continue to idle in bike lanes, chat on my cellphone, and steer with my feet as is usual New York City practice.

2) Long Term: Escape!!!

I'm a bit slow when it comes to certain things, and one of them is figuring out when I've overstayed my welcome. It may have taken me awhile, but I've finally realized that, as a cyclist, New York City just doesn't want me here. Foolishly I thought all the new bike lanes meant they were warming to me, but it turns out they were just a passive-aggressive hint, like when a party host keeps plying you with drinks in the hopes that you'll pass out so they can stick you in a cab and send you home.

It's not like I mind following traffic laws on my bike, but I do mind being under police scrutiny while I do it in the hope that I will suddenly mess up. Riding in the city is starting to feel like taking the SATs. Therefore, I have resolved to plan my escape, though unfortunately I have no idea where I'll go. I did put a map of the world on my wall and then threw a dart at it so that fate could decide for me, but I missed the map and instead hit my framed portrait of the Lobster God, which fell to the floor and then burst into flames. That can't be a good omen.

But to date, no aspect of the crackdown has been more irritating than hearing roadies complain about how it is compromising their ability to "train" for the local park races. This is like listening to a hipster complain about how enforcement of the drug laws is interfering with his personal journey of self-discovery, or about how the smoking ban in bars is making it more difficult for him to emulate Mickey Rourke in "Barfly." We're not taking about crushing the dreams of young olympic hopefuls here; we're talking about middle-aged investment bankers who hire coaches to help them target club races more effectively. Sure, there are worse forms of recreation, but if there's one thing amateur bike racers need to realize, it's that their performances and exploits are not a source of inspiration for the people of America.

Neither, I should add, are the cycling exploits of celebrities--especially when mountain bikes are concerned. For example, no less a personage than Scot Nicol recently forwarded me this photo of comedic actor Jack Black:


Though for on-the-bike style, he doesn't come close to Orlando Bloom:

Judging from his attire, he's about to slay some "gnarly" terrain--not gnarly enough to warrant wearing a helmet, but more than sufficiently gnarly to require truly "epic" shin protection.

On the other hand, as we've seen before, George Clooney prefers to stick to the pavement:

He's an insulated pizza bag away from total crackdown immunity.

128 comments:

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

ta- da?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

ta-da!

Anonymous said...

Got in early, for once!

Anonymous said...

2?

Anonymous said...

podium, even!

Taylor said...

Man, these people comment FAST.

Anonymous said...

eh.

mike said...

so close

Never Knows Best said...

I woulda podiumed, but I'm not on a marginal French team.

Anonymous said...

crackdowns can lead to brown gold: http://ow.ly/3xI1J

mikeweb said...

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Anonymous said...

honking with the cloonster

bicnic said...

Stupid shower keeping me away from the computer.

rigtenzin said...

Leaving?

cl said...

CRAP!!!!

Anonymous said...

wow!

PawnShop said...

ars breve, jeannie longo

Clooney's hot babe said...

WORK ING4
CLMP DOWN

Oww, my shin!

OBA said...

Move to Biddleford, ME: it's North York County so you can retain the NYC in BikeSnobNYC. Because BikeSnobPDX would just be lame.

Stephen Taylor, Endurance Coaching Fitness, Training said...

Sometimes a guy has to read the writing on the wall. Even when you are staying with people who love you, after a while they just want their couch back and for you to stop eating their food.

And riding on their roads.

Jay said...

Google translation from the Jack Black article accompanying that photo:

"Jack Black was seen almost breathless after pedaling through the streets of Los Angeles, California, earlier this month. The American humorist walked next to the bike after practice exercise, even with safety helmet on his head and having trouble breathing."

American humorist!

Portlandpeopleeater said...

Dear Mr. Snob,
If you are truly looking for a place/alternate universe to relocate, Portland is the place for you.I have but once seen a ticket handed out. It was for an obvious infraction i.e. running a stop sign at night with no lights right in front of a police cruiser. The best part is that our current city mayor, Sam Adams wants the downtown to be bike only! There is smugness aplenty here (i myself own a two wheeled smug machine on top of my forms of two wheeled transports).Having you here would be a beacon of all that is holy, Stumptown coffee, microbrews, and the Bikesnob. There are also plenty of Freds, tweedsters, hipsters, tallbikers(?) Plenty of cannon fodder. Think about it!

thegock said...

CRAK DOWN

Rod Johnson, Endurance Fisting Coach said...

I can help you train for what the NYPD is doing to cyclists.

MBW said...

. . . Banksey

thegock said...

KILL RATZ

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

2 comments:

I like Liz Hatch
Jack Lalanne RIP

Oldentard said...

Why not buy a super deluxe ironic motor home and tour the country poking gently caustic humor at the American Condition of Cycling. Go around constantly wearing a helmet mounted vid-cam and record your antics while you interview and insult a broad cross section of Americyclists: touring riders, homeless guys on bikes (same thing?), local yokel phred-dicks, bush country southern hipsters and always, always on the search for the elusive time traveling yellow shirted super salesman Nu-Fred from the planet Tri-Dork...

Marcel Da Chump said...

The Bronx: 6 tickets
Staten Island: 1 ticket

Dan O said...

Jack Black riding an Ibis may be a sign of the apocalypse.

No wait, he's pushing an Ibis. That just means more snow for NYC...

crosspalms said...

Nice shoes, Clooney.

Anonymous said...

Fair fa' yer honest sonsie face....

hey nonny mouse (cooking haggis)

Portlandpeopleeater said...

"Move to Biddleford, ME: it's North York County so you can retain the NYC in BikeSnobNYC. Because BikeSnobPDX would just be lame." I'll have you know that PDX is kick ass, just don't make me defend that on a personal basis because I'm too busy worrying about what that hot chick with glasses is thinking about my scarf and although cool looking, but ultimately meaningless tattoo sleeve that my parents got for me while on sabbatical from school studying the aboriginal circadian rhythms of the native populations of New Guinea. Maybe she'll check out the stache' too for some added lothario.

Anonymous said...

I would suggest moving somewhere like san fran. I was there this past weekend and the city is chock full of material. lots of west coast hipsters with fixies and single gears busting track stands (I even saw one guy keep it up for almost 5 straight seconds, gnarly). plus the city if pretty much the wild west judging from ubiquitous pot odor, cavalier drug salesmen and aggressive homeless people. not to mention the burittos and BSSFC has a nice ring to it.

ringcycles said...

OBA: BikeSnobPDX would not be lame as much as redundant.

I just fear our dear scribe will move to Coppenhagen and get chic on us.

Brian said...

A lot of the writing style in today's post seems off. Everything ok, or has Vito taken over the helm?

Anonymous said...

There are getting to be too many bikers in NYC anyway, maybe the police crackdown will cull the herd a bit. This will considerably reduce the fines to be had by New York's Fattest and send them back where they belong, the nearest donut shop.

Anonymous said...

...never knew Colnago made mountain bikes.

Also, bought your book last night. I didn't really want it but I figure I owe you for all the free blog laughs.

hillbilly said...

way to go, esteemed

Anonymous said...

http://gomestic.com/homemaking/13-remarkable-uses-for-cooking-oil-spray/

look at #9

Portlandpeopleeater said...

Yeah I guess BikesnobPDX would be redundant. San Francisco would work too though. And imagine how much harder everyone would have to work with all of those hills. I see some really good vimeo's in the works. Some primetime blowouts, pinnacle trackstands, and a bunch of flatbills screaming about how baddass SFC is. And we'd get to watch like 10 uninterrupted minutes of abovementioned fixie-style simply because the terrain is so epic. We'd have to wait a little longer while for it to "drop." Or just youtube some 1980's homevideos of 10 year olds doing the same thing, but with less tattoo's, mullets, some half shirts and a lack of self-angst.

dcee604 said...

Well, don't come to Vancouver either. You can get a ticket for just watching the cops from your bike.

http://www.metronews.ca/vancouver/local/article/751941--for-whom-the-bike-bell-tolls

Paul Bowen said...

BikeSnobLDN

Go on!

PawnShop said...

Escape? Think this through thoroughly, Snobbie. There are probably only a dozen places in the U.S. as cycling "friendly" as NYC - and all of them are soul-crushingly boring by comparison.

Austin's right out, as well as any Sun Belt locale: it's so fucking hot half the year that the Camelbaks need to wear Camelbaks.

Think NYC's passive-agressiveness is bad? Then Mpls is disqualified - we are 30-time reigning World Champions in that department. After plying you with drinks so you pass out, we won't put you in a cab, we'll take your wallet. And saddle. And then sleep with your wife.

San Fran? Makes living in NYC seem cheap by comparison. And don't forget, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".

Seattle? Hope you like rain. And suicide. And volcanoes. And the incomprehensibly large earthquake that's beyond overdue to strike.

I hear Martin Erlinger passes through Boulder every time he goes to Vail, so unless you want a Mercedes-Benz hood ornament shoved up your ass ... ( at least it would be a new hood ornament ).

Milwaukee would be fine, except for ... everything about Milwaukee.

Portland might be perfect. Boringly perfect, but filled with nearly everything you like to mock. But that's it. And personally, I don't want to know the name & provenance of the chicken I'm about to eat - never mind look at a picture of it.

I know I've left some places out. So what? St. Louis? See Austin, add oppressive humidity. L.A.? You've probably read Dante's Inferno, so you already understand L.A.

The view from America's Gayest City, is that NYC is no place for a cyclist to arbitrarily flee from. An overpriced shithole? Sure, but there's endless breadth and depth to the culture, and nary a hint of Meh.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Berlin,Germany. Heard great things about it.
Detroit,Michigan. Lots of abandoned factories and hipster free.

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob Wiscasset:
All you haters succulent lobster meat.

Anonymous said...

Move to Oakland CA. Urban, not in a stupid way, but enough so that you'd have plenty to complain about.
Fantastic trail and road riding all year long in the hill range east of Oakland.
Close to Marin for amazing off road.
Close enough to San Francisco to enjoy it once in awhile, but far enough to escape.
Good food, lots of great produce.

Isolation Helmet said...

You have to love NYC for keeping its priorities in check. Everyone knows that renegade cyclists are the biggest quality of life issue in the city. Or maybe Mayor Bloomberg is trying to run all of the hipsters out of town?

Terre Haute Karl said...

You should move to my town. They never give out tickets to cyclists. You just have to watch out for nurses who have just taken a handful of sleeping pills.

Anonymous said...

Move? To where? When Bikesnob wants to leave NYC, he's become location independent, and prune his fleet to 57 bicycles.

Anonymous said...

You Can't deny that middle-aged white men are a big part of the problem in this city.

bikesgonewild said...

...dude falls into mixer @ brooklyn tortilla factory & comes worlds most epic burrito...

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

Clooney ought to get a Brooks on that rig.

Anonymous said...

George Clooney on a crabon colnago mtb and a springy seat. A springy seat!

crosspalms said...

How Pawnshop overlooked Chicago is one of life's mysteries. But here we may get a big bike campus organized by a guy who sells upscale pet stuff and wants to take you for a ride.
Plus, the lakefront path is great unless you have to share it, the bike lanes are conveniently placed for delivery trucks and double parkers, and the weather is NY-like only colder and hotter. All in all it's a winner. As they say, if you lived here you'd be home already.

xyxax said...

First, BF announces he's decamping to Portland, and now you.
Where's the lint in your veins?

Anonymous said...

The Florida alley scat video the drivers are not intoxicated, one girl proudly sports the "X" on her hand!

Thank god for straight edge fixed gear riders. Our streets are safer!

Iowa Tourist Board said...

Come to Sioux City!

BikeSnobSUX

Rex Speed said...

EWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

back of Clooney's shorts are wet with perspiration........

yuck.

Test Tickle said...

Clooney can do whatever he wants, really...

He's George fucking

CLOO NEY!

balls.

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob Inversnecky.

Or Bike Snob Outer Hebrides, where blogging on a Sunday is frowned upon.

hey nonny mouse

wishiwasmerckx said...

Pawnshop, I'm thinking Vegas. What do you think?

Anon 1:34, Oakland would be a good choice, but is eliminated by its unfortunate proximity to BGW.

Ringcycles, Fausto Coppi's hometown of Coppenhagen is an interesting choice. I hear that Copenhagen is very nice as well.

Anonymous said...

Sure, Clooney can do whatever he wants, but... that seat? WTF?

Anonymous said...

Jack Black is always walking his bikes.

Anonymous said...

Long Island or Upstate is my bet... gotta educate wee snobbie...

ringcycles said...

WIWM: I think il campionissimo was born in Castellania

that and I might cut down on the typos if I cut back on the 3rd cup of coffee before lunch. apologies

Who art in heaven said...

"In fact, the fixie-riding hipster has arleady"

phonetic for "Our Lady" perhaps?

Thanks for your hard work!

Anonymous said...

Loved the update today. Snob

Jasper said...

What Oldentard said... @12.52 - this would be reality TV gold.
Otherwise, I throw my hat into the SF ring. It's sunny and 70 degrees today.
Just saying...

bikesgonewild said...

..."Notes From Underground: Bubbling to the Surface"...ironic-ly auspicious title...

...i predicted long ago that bsnyc/rtms, ladybikesnob & the little bikesnobulette were headed for higher ground in the near future, well away from 'ground zero'...

...that dart pierced lobster-god didn't hit the floor in flames for nothing & what was left was the writing on the wall...

...i'm bettin' here in marin county would be an intelligent & safe bet...

...instead of living in one city environment & riding across a bridge to work in another, the bsnyc/rtms-fam can live in the countryside & snobdaddy can ride into the city for work or even take his bike on one of several ferry systems...

...great food, safe living & yet plenty of pretension & attitude to go around (guaranteed) so the snob doesn't feel like a fish out of water...

...only thing wrong is the bagels suck compared to real nyc bagels...also guaranteed...

Anonymous said...

Is it possible to just give Manhattan a push and have it get caught in the Gulf Stream.

Problem Solved.

bikesgonewild said...

...oh, thanks wishiwasmerckx...sheesh...

...see above post @ 3:08pm...

...i'm bettin' someday bsnyc/rtms & bgw are gonna be neighbors...relatively speaking...

...it would behoove he & the snobfam...

David Henderson said...

Well written.

Salty and Sore said...

@PawnShop-

Agreed. NYC is no place to flee from. As evidenced by Snobbie's typical, vacay-return comments, he'll be happier stickin' around NYC a little longer.

Not sure there's no 'meh' in New York, though. They just get bigger, better, more expensive versions of 'meh' than the rest of us.

botch casually said...

Boston!

Bikesnobbos!

botch casually said...

Kinshasa!

Bikebonobo!

Brian said...

1400 tickets in 14 days? That seems like an awfully coincidental coughquotacough synergy of numbers.

mikeweb said...

@Brian,

Great point. I wonder if they stop doing it when they get to a 100; around or about 3:00 pm...?

UWSlangster said...

the delivery guys are too disenfranchised to take their epic white-man-held-down story to the media. The smugness! the smugness!

Or perhaps NYPD doesn't want to be accused of slowing down business...

the Byrne-iverse said...

I'm checking them out
I'm checking them out
I got it figured out
I got it figured out
there's good points and bad points
find a city
find myself a city to live in

Anonymous said...

Ha. Banksy. He's almost as lame and "edgy" as Swoon and other local fair. As aesthetically uninteresting as they are conceptually first base.

Apparently, a messenger friend got out of ticket when he rode the 15 ft to an apartment b/c he told the cops he was delivering food (which he was). They said, "ok" and let him go. Hmmmmm, your thermal pizza holder idea rings true.

PawnShop said...

wiwm: "I'm thinking Vegas. What do you think?"

Are you effin' nuts? In Vegas, the Camelbaks' Camelbaks need Camelbaks! And the hooker situation is ALL screwed up.

Amsterdam, maybe - but there's that whole 'overpriced' thing all over again. OTOH, every day is Wednesday in Amsterdam - so it's got that going for it, which is good. Since NYC was New Amsterdam, could the blog name work out to "BikeSnobOldNYC" if it moved there? The merchandising possibilities excite ( though I still think the "circumsaddle" deserves its 15 minutes ).

Copenhagen is risky. The sight of so many Bakfeits in one place might cause RTMS to have a stroke - and we'd be left with Vito writing the blog. Nah, that's a chance I'm not willing to take.

Look. For a cyclist, every place sucks. And some places suck less. Imagine the shock and cognitive dissonance that accompanied my discovery that NYC is one of those places - even if you gotta stop for red lights and bedeck your cockpit with ringy things.

Anonymous said...

I would predict a move to a suburban homeway for the snob in the near future. He has a kid and a massive cargo bike and a monkey, so his urban digs must be getting quite cramped. Next thing you know he will be driving a volvo and wearing sweaters.

Domino said...

Our business man mayor looks out for business owners. If restaurant owners had their delivery guys ticketed, they'd
have to charge for take-out orders. Food delivery guys' wages are mostly tips.

Anonymous said...

Do you get George Clooney+John Malkovich Nespresso ads in America/Kanada or is this kind of douchery confined to the Old World+Asia?

CommieCanuck said...

Hmmm.. that industrial accident might explain this lawsuit.

Taco Della Morte with cheese is pee-pullll!!!

CommieCanuck said...

George Clooney+John Malkovich=super gay

Lonesome cowpoke said...

Oh give me a home
where the bags are all Chrome,
where the beer and the canapes slay;
where seldom is heard
an encouraging word
and the cyclists are rowdy all day.

Oldentard said...

BikesGoneWild, the Bay Area was what first popped into my head but I decided it was too obvious and I knew you would chime in anyway... So I tried to think up something wise-ass instead in keeping with the general tone of this site.(Right, Snob?)

But I gotta say, as near as I can tell West Marin is cycle heaven. Any time I read one of Mike Varley's blogs I'm ready to pack it up and head west. And San Francisco for work or day trips...

The Great Lobster in His Crusty Wisdom placed me here in the Daytona area lo these twenty years ago following my exile from LA...but someday, Lob Willing...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Anon@4:26 said...

"Next thing you know he will be driving a volvo and wearing sweaters."

good one Anon!

Anonymous said...

i like it here...

PawnShop said...

Okay, I figured it out: to prevent one's Circumsaddle from turning into a couch every time you ride it, guys have to buy a 'straight' version, and women have to get the 'gay' one. Unless you want to ride a recumbent. Georgina Terry, LOOK OUT!

Dan said...

Now I have to go and sell my Ibis.

Chazu said...

Snob's way with words, multiplied and leveraged by blogular technologies, afford him many desirable options.

The Gutenberg publishing-way is also a viable enabler of his relocation.

Am I really going to be the first commenter to say "Congratulations BikeSnobNYC!" ?

Chazu said...

Sincere congrats on what was surely a tough decision.

Bill Murray said...

You can't go! The plants 'll die!

Chazu said...

Oh, I need to get used to not using the "NYC" bit...

Stupid Name said...

George clooney can ride whatever he wants, but that bike is an abortion.

Anonymous said...

Death in a vat of tortilla dough / very sad.

Top One Hundred! said...

I would like some of those torillas: that's quality fat, not some third rate lard. Mmmm.

bikesgonewild said...

...oldentard...as anywhere, one uses caution whilst riding these roads but after 40 years of the same ones many times over, i've never tired of them due to the variety of the terrain & landscape...

...the trails ???...'fergetaboutit'...awesomeness personified & mr varney & his shop also fits that bill...the man always has some wonderful cool ol' bikes on display out there...

...i figure bsnyc/rtms, while working in 'the biz' realized if he wrote a book, he could get to tour all the basic areas he thought about relocating with his family...chance to meet the local cycling public & scope the scene...smart move...

...cynical viewpoint or simply prescient ???...it's my story & i'm stickin' to it...

Anonymous said...

Someone please get a bus for a team of celebrities to do RAGBRAI each year so they can just break in these ridiculou$ bikes while learning to ride without paparazzi taking pics of them looking fooking awkward.

Anonymous said...

I like gautcamole on my tortittas and my vay hojes.

Bobby said...

As most things in nature do, the Great New York Creative Writing Campaign of 2011 will eventually find equilibrium.

Sir Snob, I don't know if you've thought of it yet, but listening to the Great New York Fred Festival in traffic court is going to have many unintended consequences. You should plan it on your calendar soon: the GNYCWC/GNYFF will be such great sport listening to the explainations of "your honor, I was in a serious cat 6 salmon race across the intersection, almost winning, until I T-boned New York's Finest! Sorry about the ding in your cruiser, officer, but you just have to cut me a break!! I almost made the podium!!"

Perhaps I should consider a plane ticket to New York to see it for myself...

Anonymous said...

Greetings from the oil spill.

ce said...

Australia says: "Fook off, we're full". Or was it: "Fook off, we're xenophobes"? I can never remember. Either way you're not welcome.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Been to San Fran and the saying is true:
you leave your heart there.
Mountain biked Marin County
and left my lungs there, too.
But Snob's brilliant blogospheric blasts of humor
can only be inspired by NYC.

I Go Around and Around said...

I understand that perhaps some of the activity by police in the city parks was not officially directed, and that clever officers were merely taking advantage of easy pickings to fill out their quotas so they could get back to harassing ethnic minorities. The precincts involved were encouraged to "rationalize" (not my word but its speaker seemed to mean "to make more rational," rather than explain or provide rationale) their enforcement.

We shall see.

Anonymous said...

"blogospheric blasts of humor
can only be inspired by NYC."

Nope. He's got more depth and breadth than that.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anon 9:20, he's deep. No doubt, but
depth and breadth
can't be expressed without a stimulus
it doesn't happen in a vacumm.
"there are no friendly puppets"
could be a line from Samuel Beckett
and it's from a NewYork writer
and avid bike rider. Spend all day on a bike in NewYork and
then the next day. A whole week, month, year,years;you'll know what I mean.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anon 9:20, he's deep. No doubt, but
depth and breadth
can't be expressed without a stimulus
it doesn't happen in a vacumm.
"there are no friendly puppets"
could be a line from Samuel Beckett
and it's from a NewYork writer
and avid bike rider. Spend all day on a bike in NewYork and
then the next day. A whole week, month, year,years;you'll know what I mean.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anon 9:20, he's deep. No doubt, but
depth and breadth
can't be expressed without a stimulus
it doesn't happen in a vacumm.
"there are no friendly puppets"
could be a line from Samuel Beckett
and it's from a NewYork writer
and avid bike rider. Spend all day on a bike in NewYork and
then the next day. A whole week, month, year,years;you'll know what I mean.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Anon 9:20, he's deep. No doubt, but
depth and breadth
can't be expressed without a stimulus
it doesn't happen in a vacumm.
"there are no friendly puppets"
could be a line from Samuel Beckett
and it's from a NewYork writer
and avid bike rider. Spend all day on a bike in NewYork and
then the next day. A whole week, month, year; you'll know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

Mr Snob, you should consider moving to New "live free or die" Hampshire with a million and a half of your closest friends. Your new-found majority can vote in the ultimate pro-velo regime, artesianal cheeses and axes will exist happily in their native environment, and last decade's Libertarians who came up with this idea will be totally jealous.

Oldentard said...

Hey, Anon 1:34:

"Your produce alone makes it worth the trip"

Doug said...

OK, Right Coasters- listen up-it is NEVER San Fran. It is NEVER SFC. It is SF, prnounced 'ess eff'.Or 'the city'... I know, they stole that pretension from Nü York.
And people who live there are almost as arrogant as Nü Yorkers, believe it or not!

Hoboken Terry Malloy said...

Snob.

The distance in miles involved in your flight from Metropolis will be inversely proportional to the number of detached hand modeling jobs available to junior.

When he is in his 40s he will be blaming you for the sorry state of his existence.

"Snobby! Snobbie! I couldah been a contenduh!"

bikesgonewild said...

...@doug...like i said, "...great food, safe living & yet plenty of pretension & attitude to go around (guaranteed) so the snob doesn't feel like a fish out of water..."...

...& like doug said, "...NEVER San Fran. It is NEVER SFC. (never ever 'frisco' either)...It is SF, pronounced 'ess eff'.Or 'the city'..."...

...& when ya live in marin county & you're going into the city, ya gotta be casual & simply say you're 'going into town'...if you're cool...

Anonymous said...

. . . as a grammarian, New York City just doesn't want me here.

Oldentard said...

When we would leave Big Bear for a weekend of debauchery in LA it was "going down the hill..."

BTW BGW I think EW (BSNYC/RTMS) would actually be quite a bit of a FOW in SF and his postings as such would be that much more FF.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like a New Yorker slagging other New Yorkers for wanting to live in a big city. Boring even for you, BSNYC.

shaun said...

If you're serious about leaving NYC (which demographically speaking you outta be - folks in America in their thirties move to the burbs and have done since burbs have existed), you might give Denver's burbs a look.

They're surprisingly bike friendly as long as you stay away from investment bankers in ski resort towns.

You can ride about 100 miles clear across town without leaving bike lanes or bike paths.

Cookster said...

Bloom and Black are both riding Ibis

Christopher said...

Clooney's grandpa Colnago is epic...look at that seat. I had no idea Colnago made dorky hybrid bikes...wonder how much he paid.

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Anonymous said...

My butt smells a little bit...

Fixie Bikes said...

Williamsburg is so damn absurd. I'm glad your around to point this stuff out in a poignant way.