Thursday, November 4, 2010

Tim-burrr! I Can't Tell a Lie (But I'd Be Happy to Sell You One)

(LATFH: Look At This Federalist Hipster)

Well over two centuries ago, a highly spurious tale has it that a boy named George Washington (who would go on to become the first President of the United States, or Canada's electrolarynx) wielded his hatchet and butchered a lovely cherry tree. When confronted by his father, Pedro Moishe Aloysius Washington, about what happened to the tree, young George was unable to lie. Forthright to a fault, he instead admitted:

"I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my hatchet."

Profoundly moved, Pedro Moishe Aloysius Washington replied:

"Run to my arms; glad am I, George, that you killed my tree; for you have paid me for it a thousand fold. Such an act of heroism in my son is more worth than a thousand trees, though blossomed with silver, and their fruits of purest gold."

Unfortunately, young Washington was only able to bask in filial affection and loquacious praise for a short time, because he was subsequently arrested and executed in accordance with the strict cherry tree protection laws in effect in the colonies at the time, and the George Washington who would go on to lead the American army to victory and ultimately become our first President was in fact a robot.

Fast forward to our present time, in which hatches and axes and wood-splitting and tree-felling are no longer associated with honesty. Instead they have been cleaved from it in the same way a feeble "hipster" who tries to use his artisanal axe to open a packet of firm tofu accidentally divorces his hand from his tattooed forearm, and are now yet another symbol of conspicuous consumption. Furthermore, axe sales are increasingly becoming the domain of the huckster, as exemplified by companies like "Base Camp X," whom I mentioned in yesterday's post:

Naturally, these companies don't actually make anything; instead, they simply "bedazzle" existing items made by others and create an aesthetic environment in which to buy them. This requires a delicate balance of hyperbole and obfuscation, and it involves three steps:

1. Establish the Product's Authenticity

In primitive cultures, people believed that they could gain their enemy's courage by eating their hearts (or, in Great Britain, their pudding). Today, urbanites with disposable income believe they can gain authenticity by buying an "authentic" product. Consequently, it is essential to establish this authenticity. For example, fixed-gears are "authentic" because they are older than freewheels and because messengers supposedly prefer them. Similarly, axes are "authentic" because they're the fixed-gears of tools. As "Base Camp X" says:

An axe is one of the oldest tools in existence and some even argue that it is the oldest form of art known to mankind.

2. Reassure the Customer

Killing your enemy is the easy part; carving out his heart and consuming it is the real test of one's mettle. Similarly, it's easy to fork over some money in exchange for an "authentic" product, but it's hard to actually use that product to its full potential. This is why it's essential for companies like these to reassure you by saying, essentially, "Don't worry--you don't actually have to eat the heart." In terms of "urban" cycling, this involves selling stuff that is supposedly messenger-worthy while assuring customers that they don't have to be messengers to buy it. In terms of artisanal axes, it involves reassuring customers that they don't actually have to use the axe:

Our axes are built to be used but there is absolutely no reason why it cannot find a home on your wall, hanging above the hearth or simply leaning up beside your desk. An axe is so versatile that it can be used to manage a forest, adorn a wall, provide heat for a home or simply start a conversation…

Sure, it's silly--the only product you actually want to buy and never have to use is insurance--but nevertheless it works. By the way, I'm not sure a single person with an axe can "manage" a forest. To paraphrase Yakov Smirnoff, "In nature, forest manage you."

3. Tell the Truth Quickly and Hope Nobody Notices

As shifty as companies like "Base Camp X" are, even they won't go so far as to lie and say they're making something that they're not. So like those drug commercials where they squeeze in a bunch of possible side effects at the end and hope you're not paying attention, they bury somewhere on the site that all they're doing is taking an axe and burning their logo into it:

Searing the BCX logo into the handle by hand is all part of the process in creating one of our axes.

Incidentally, a reader and "axe-pert" surmises that the "Titanis" [prounounced \ˈtīt\-\ˈā-nəs\] line of "Base Camp X" axes is probably based on this:

At NZ$285 (or approximately US$226, or just over 1 million Zambian Kwacha) that's a lot of Kwacha, but it's still pocket Kwacha compared to the $500+ you'll pay for the "Base Camp X." This means you're paying about $300 for some shellac, a hand-branded logo, and a whole lotta douchery.

Really, it's "cultural snake-handling" at its most refined. I suppose when the "Americana backwoods revival" movement ends they'll all move on to something equally useless, like cat-confusing.

Ironically then, it would seem that the humble axe--once a symbol of the prized American attributes of honesty, integrity, and self-sufficiency--has now come to embody the practice of rebranding, which seems to be the only form of labor we continue to perform domestically. Fortunately, though, good old-fashioned innovation isn't completely dead, for a reader recently forwarded me a link to the ThermaJock, which is a penis warmer for men (as well as, presumably, women with penises) who engage in outdoor activities such as cycling:

So how does it work? Well, here's a simple diagram:
If you're still not convinced, be assured that it has been subject to rigorous testing:

Tom came up with a prototype and quickly began to test it while running, walking the dog, or hanging out in his house. After creating the initial design, Christina and Tom began working with local garment designers and manufacturers to refine and perfect the prototype and began asking local athletes to test it. After sorting through piles of valuable feedback, the final design was established.

The website fails to indicate whether or not Tom ever ran afoul of the law, since I'd think walking the dog while wearing nothing but a coin purse on your penis would be a good way to get arrested. It's also unclear as to whether the ThermaJock has room for the "pants yabbies" too, or if it's strictly a "one-car garage." In any case, I can't wait until "Base Camp X" starts rebranding these as "woodsman's sheaths" and prices them accordingly. (For best results, wear it with the new Rapha bib shorts that feature a "dicky zip.")


In the race to own ever more exotic and expensive time trial bikes, it was only a matter of time before someone decided to take one and built a yacht around it.

139 comments:

Anonymous said...

winner!

Desert Rider said...

dammit

Anonymous said...

Dang

shoegazer said...

woot

Anonymous said...

podium!

Anonymous said...

dang

Desert Rider said...

Does "Anonymous" count in the GC calculations?

CommieCanuck said...

shit

CommieCanuck said...

I have to eat more "Carne con clen"

Anonymous said...

NUMR ZEHN

Anonymous said...

Enough with the artisianal axes already. We get it anyone who buys an axe for something other than chopping wood is a posuer. Get a new subject already.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No Comment.

Anonymous said...

I mean, the axe thing was funny the first few times... but I don't really want to hear bout artisanal axen anymore. Can we talk about bikes again?

CommieCanuck said...

From the Thermajock testamonials:

"THANK YOU THERMAJOCK!!! I wanted to let you know that I am glad someone came up with a product to protect the male athlete. Not only is ThermaJock functional but it’s so comfortable, and discreet. I wore mine for a few hours and forgot it was on! ThermaJock stayed put through rigorous movement."

That's so sad.

and

"Living in Chicago and running in the winter also makes me a good judge of what it takes to keep me warm. I (like most men) struggle with the need to keep warm in the most private of parts..."

I find vigorous rubbing helpful.

Bad Lawyer said...

Your yankin' me! Crotchal snuggies?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

le Correcteur said...

Top twenty; losing ground day by day!

Anonymous said...

I imagine that the Thermajock will sell well in Canada.

Anonymous said...

"hanging out in his house"

Ooops.....

hey nonny mouse...

Buffalo Bill said...

Looks like those sailor boys went for the full aero treatment on their bike-winch thingy.

Also, how big is that chainring?

Anonymous said...

PS Estwing (other brands are available...) make really nice axes (hatchets) for about 50 quid.

hey nonny mouse...

ringcycles said...

I was just wondering how I'd survive a coldy windy weekend of cyclocross, so Thanks Therma-Jock!

maybe I could become rich by re-branding them cannuck condoms, or selling them to "backwoods revivalists" as eskimo sealskin warmers.

Anonymous said...

And another thing about the axes. I don't know how good of friends you are with these purveyors of axen, but any self-respecting DIY fakerjack will simply wander on into their LHS (local hardware store), purchase a $5 hatchet, and trick it out themselves. Or at the very least, stain the handle a lil so as to give the apperance of years of use by well oiled hands.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Bike Snob NYC please keep up the insightful reporting on the wonderful world of edged tools.
speaking of ax(e)s I have a prehistoric stone ax(e) head called a celt. I bet the hairy guy that made it thought it was pretty artisanal too.

Chuck said...

Nah, the Thermajock won't sell great in Canada. What kind of pussy needs that thing?

So the artisanal axe can "provide heat for a home". Isn't that kind of expensive at $300-500 each? And what do you do with the blade part after?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:59pm,

What good is having your own blog if you can't beat to death the subject of your choice? By the way, I do have a new subject, and it's penis warmers.

--BSNYC/RTMS

Kurt said...

Scheiss die Wand an.

crosspalms said...

Since George Washington was a robot and robots live forever, maybe he's the anon who's so tired of reading about axes he commented 3 times about it. Get over it, George, we forgive you for the tree.

RANTWICK said...

America... Canada's Thermajock? Nah... Canada would never fit in there.

Anonymous said...

G3 is not the first to use leg power for winches. Way back in the 1977 edition of the Americas Cup, Sweden tried leg powered winches made by Volvo for them. Within a few months they had converted to more traditional "coffee grinders". I think the idea has merit, but a recumbent configuration would probably be better. Considering the French introduced the recumbent to bike competition before it got banned, I would have expected more from the VPLP design staff.

Getting back to cycling... said...

"Sure, it's silly--the only product you actually want to buy and never have to use is insurance--"

ummm, how about a bike helmet?

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

JahKnow said...

common mistake about our first prez.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/582763/posts

Anonymous said...

So many places you can't even burn wood any more. What a joke...yet another American example of fetishizing material possessions.

What's wrong with electric undies, or ones with that space blanket shiny stuff on the front? That is an odd solution for the problem.

Anonymous said...

I like the train of beatdowns on poseur axes-- one of the lamest trends ever. It ties in well with the general Snob theme of calling out posery in cycling.

the bike dork said...

Lone Wolf Sighting!
OMG it was him for sure!
Yesterday, around 9:15 am.
West bound bike lane, Fiji Way, Marina Del Rey, CA.
He is real!

RANTWICK said...

@bike dork - Holy Crap!

Anonymous said...

Wonder if it has a place to put your car keys and a couple quarters…? Suppose that’d depend on the fill factor after strapping it on?

Slow Joe Crow said...

The male appendage cozy is not a new idea, I remember seeing, and laughing at, an ad for something called the "jock sock" in the back pages of Runner's World 30 years ago. Oddly enough, my alpinist's candle lantern has a fleece case that looks almost exactly like one of these.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndE8easXe1Y&feature=player_embedded

about 2:30 you can see the skipper trimming on the bike....

Brendan said...

Splitting wood with an axe is hard work. Base Camp X should start offering a $700 maul.

Anonymous said...

Sailors use the Dimununitive Frenchman unit of measure as well!

stephen said...

Enough with the Axes, or start another blog named AxeSnobNYC.

Isolation Helmet said...

When commuting in NYC in temps below 20 degrees I always used a wool sock to keep things warm. Plenty of room for the pants yabbies.

Joseph Nocella said...

"In nature, forest manage you."...Brilliant

I need a crabon fibre ax engine said...

Here is an Idea from the far north.

Wear two pairs of underwear and your yabbies won't get cold.

Estwing - Made in america. what do they know about axes, I need to buy from New Zealand, where they know how to cut wood with style.

No seriously, buy a quality tool made in america and it will last forever.

"Naturally, these companies don't actually make anything; instead, they simply "bedazzle" existing items made by others and create an aesthetic environment in which to buy them. This requires a delicate balance of hyperbole and obfuscation, and it involves three steps"

This probably does not apply to american or canadian "bike manufacturers" using identical crabon fibre frames from China, now does it?

Anonymous said...

Aw shit, they make one for ice and maybe killing a zombie.

http://www.moosejaw.com/moosejaw/shop/product_Grivel-Air-Tech-Carbon-Ice-Axe-w/-Long-Leash_10086866____?cm_mmc=CSE-_-GoogleBase-_-na-_-Grivel-Air-Tech-Carbon-Ice-Axe-w/-Long-Leash&ad_id=GoogleBase

Anonymous said...

Us recumbent riders in the winter can experience frozen delicates as we ride with the crotch facing the wind. However, any of the windblocking boxers on the market completely alleviate this problem for the entirety of the nether regions, whereas the Thermajock would only warm up Mr. Happy. And is man-only.

b.asti said...

This axes theme is getting quite exiting. Thanks for your thoughtful enlightment and introduction to a topic I would have missed without bikesnob.

Would have been really sad to miss another trend after missing the whole fixed gear thing.

Anonymous said...

So many questions about the ThermaJock....does it come in various sizes? Does it allow room for expansion? Can you use it as a cold-weather condom? Maybe for having sex with snowmen?

Anonymous said...

I think the funniest part about the "Therma Jock" ad is that there's a "Click to Enlarge" link right below the product.

Anonymous said...

Again... Fuck that...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bKotCCohuM&feature=related

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Do not use metal wedgies with these asses as it will damage the top of the ass, use wooden wedgies only."

O.K., thanks: that's good advice.

wishiwasmerckx said...

My axe handle isn't the only thing stained by years of use by well-oiled hands, you know.

Nick Cecchi said...

What the fuck is with wood-handled axes. Approximately 50 years ago, fiberglass made its debut as a superior and longer lasting material for hand tools.
I guess it's like riding a steel fixed gear. Wood is real, just ask Mark Cavendish about his "real" man missile. No room in a therma-jock for that thing.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Is there a way to connect the "blowdowns" from today's post with the "nighttime doping controls" of yesterday's post?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Lastly, a better ThermaJock supercondom testimonial:

"I rode your mom for a few hours and forgot that she was on! ThermoJock stayed put through rigorous movement."

Vanonymous said...

MARB LBAG

WARM SACK

Desert Rider said...

Actually, the ThermaJock keeps it cool in the Summer as well. Cavendish uses no less than three (depending on the stage.

3G said...

WARM PNIS

dcee604 said...

It's all Made In China, isn't it?

If not, I'm sure the knock-off of the knock-off will be coming soon.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

jeez, do i have to 'splain everything...

the axe content is simply bedazzled bike content

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Anon 2:02 speaks the truth.

Ed said...

Wait a sec!!! Your dick gets cold when you run??? It's like the warmest part of your body! That's the first place I put my hands when they get numb from cold.
Also, thanks for the Smirnoff tip. That was classic!

Dave said...

I can't wait for Mark "the Man Missle" Cavendish to become the celebrity endorser of the Therma-Jock. Or maybe Mario Cipollini would be more willing to show off his "axe" for the infomercials

jimmynuetron said...

Bike Snob enough with the Axes! Whats next three weeks of posts about fire pokers and kitchen timers.Stop worshiping the Golden Calf and come back to reality.

brother yam said...

Hey Snobbie,

One word: Koteka

benDE said...

It was a good post until I hit the penis parka. gafawed into the ashtray and am now cleaning my desk. First thought: yeah, because it gets cold and that sucks. Second: no way am i going to tie that thing on.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

69. Click to enlarge.

hillbilly said...

my penis is cold.

COLD DICK

Anonymous said...

Is this turning into an urban design and woodworking-blog?

Therma Jock said...

Therma Jock is available in several sizes:

Large
Extra Large
Huge
Ginormous
OMG!

samh said...

The Canada/America references of late have been stellar.

Also, Commie Canuck's use of "Carne con clen" deserves some props.

David Henderson said...

"pant yabbies" and "one-car garage", that's pretty darn funny. But seriously, if I use this for cycling am I supposed to put DZ-Nuts cream into the bag, and then insert myself (or park the car in the garage, if you will)? How much protection does my junk really need, and what exactly am I protecting it from?

Rand Paul said...

I'd buy one, but there's no way that would fit on my head.

CommieCanuck said...

The Thermajock is yet another product to bolster the male ego by preventing shrinkage.

No, it would not sell well in Canada, cold yabbies are what beaver pelt is good for.

It won't sell in the Southern US either. This guy's yabbies are toasty warm.

Anonymous said...

Canada: America's quiff.

Udder said...

I don't know about you guys but my dick isn't shaped like a light bulb, so the cock sock wouldn't stay on very long.

grog said...

Thermajock? I prefer my electric suppository heater.

xyxax said...

Perhaps the next new bike trend will come out of that sail winch.
Single cog on the front hub with humongous chain ring and TT bars. Complicated math, using "pi" and a multiplication sign gives me an estimate of 110 teeth on that ring.
It's a "centitooth".
Trademark pending.

bikesgonewild said...

...ouch !!!...damn...

...first i get a 'pinch flat' on my bike & now i've just suffered a 'cinch pinch' from over tightening my 'therma-jock penis parka'...

...(props benDE)...

...hmmm, wonderin' if i can get bad lawyer to 'handle' my case ???...

Anonymous said...

man that lead off was brilliant. my first laugh since tuesday night.

ervgopwr said...

Finally made it, whew, was ridding so fast my pants yabbies caught fire. ThermoJock is also flame retardant in case you were wondering.

Anonymous said...

You had to slip a Moishe in there, didn't you
Artisanal axes and penis warmers don't do it for me, though. Sell me on a $300 handmade straight razor shaving set and we're talking business. Now that's something I could use.

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

OK, I can't believe nobody went there yet, so I will:

COCK SOCK

Sam said...

Anyone who's ever used an axe extensively knows not to get too attached to the handle. I've broken 2 (good quality) wooden axe handles in my life during regular wood chopping (something which I really haven't even done much of).

I'm really trying to wrap my head around the fact that the market can support more than one boutique axe handle company. Such an asinine product.

Anonymous said...

Avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.

Kenneth said...

HELP PLEASE!
I split my wood (that actually gets burned in a fireplace) with a $30 TrueTemper axe that I bought at Lowes. After splitting (I hate doing this, but I'm too cheap to pay someone else) enough wood to burn for a week, I set my axe down (in a most picturesque way), pour a glass of locally made artisanally distilled whiskey and admire my wood and axe. I'm now completely confused, am I "authentic" or on the cusp of a new trend?

Anonymous said...

George Costanza said cold weather causes shrinkage. So if your member is playing turtle, what good is the thermajock?

Anonymous said...

Thermajock = Thermajoke

Anonymous said...

Williamsburg 1993 in the minds of young, bearded men.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOomJScWblw&feature=related

bikesgonewild said...

...it's up to you kenneth but really, a $30.00 true temper axe ???...

...you, sir, through being 'authentic' have upset the smugness factor of a lot of fools who had hoped to perceive of themselves as 'cool' by way of overcompensation...

...as they say about hand chopped wood, "it warms you twice"...

...you've left them to be warmed but once by their own embarrassment...

Anonymous said...

chopping wood really does warm the man missile up...

Somewhere in the Desert said...

Late in the game, but Snobby- are you now going to take up axe racing to fulfill the ASNYC moniker?

Quicksquirt McHurt said...

This has left me speechless.

ringcycles said...

wait, no cannuck condoms. Have I forgotten last weeks 1st annual and last contest alreadu!

Snobbie could make a fortune re-branding Therma-Jocks as:

BSNYC Cockie Cozies!

"the best artisinal wrap for your stem."

anon 4:19, check the Caswell & Masey catalog

Anonymous said...

Haven't visited BSNYC in ages.

Looks like Commie Canuck has moved on and dropped the Kim Jong-Il impersonator bit and taken up a Hunter Thompson persona.

Interesting?

Anonymous said...

Rebranding worked ONCE > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaclone

Axehat said...

You guys can make fun of my ax(e) if you want, but I know you are just envious of my ability to curate authenticity.

Anonymous said...

Tyler Hamilton's Chimera here;

I have it on good authority that Alberto Contador's tires (tyres) are filled with Astatine vapours. The rarest of all elements less than 75 mg in earth's crust . . .


Apparently although there are 20 known isotopes, none of them are stable and the longest lived, astatine-210, only has a half-life of 8.3 hours. It "appears" from the minor branching in the decay of uranium, thorium and actinium, and disappears just as quickly it seems. It is also soluble which may contribute to this.

This is how Contador does it. Another cheater stands on the podium. How much longer will this travesty be allowed?

bikesgonewild said...

...i resent the implication that bsnyc/rtms has an 'axe to grind' as regards the recent subject matter...

...he has, in fact, plenty of them & they're not only all overpriced, they're being sold by 'snake oil' salesman because there's a missing element...

...stained handles, blade sheaths & fancy boxes...notice that neither company offers sharpening & honing stones for the blades...

...these are not axes to 'grind' 'cuz they don't come equipped...

...just fucking sayin'...

Test Tickle said...

thermajock sent us an email recently wanting us to test and review one in our publication (a cycling publication). needless to say, i haven't answered.

the way i see it, once my willie gets cold, it retreats inside my 4-skin and doesn't come out until the temperature rises, or i need to unfold for a piss. pretty natural, pretty simple.

balls.

jimmynuetron said...

Never before in the history of BSNY has the public risen up so vehemently against the author BSNY's subject matter, Axes. There is a revolution going on here Snobby, the "good folks"(me and various anons) are fed up and we want change. Bury the hatchet man. What happens inside a luxury condo is of no concern to me. Bring it back to the streets man, streets is real.

Test Tickle said...

axe wounds are cool. although, you should never trust anything that bleeds for three days and lives....

balls.

mike said...

Hey RHCP already invented the cock jock like 15 years ago. Here is the evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYPD1tfglXo

Anonymous said...

WEEN RMIT

Anonymous said...

http://s10.directupload.net/file/d/2334/pih5cdrl_gif.htm

spatch said...

The bedazzled axes can be found at a shop in notting hill called "I saw you coming"

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob! You forgot step 4. Obtain free marketing through getting someone to rant about your product in righteous indication!

Grump said...

The idea of a dickwarmer is pretty stupid. Must have been invented by a noncyclist. An idea that might sell to cyclists would be an insulated wrap that covers from an inch above to two inches below your belly button. When I get done riding in cold weather, that area is beet red.

PS Write what you want to write about. If people don't like it....Screw them.

Anonymous said...

I'd hit it.



Can't believe no one said it yet.

Anonymous said...

I have a cycling buddy that was complaining about his dick getting cold, told him he was a fucking pussy!

Anonymous said...

i prefer artisanal tube shoes...like mink when your feeling slanky or mountain goat when your feeling like a hard man
the ralpha tuff boys are mining for new exotic ways to pet the pussy with hundred dollar bills

Honest Abe said...

There is an awesome amount of clueless douchiness and outright hucksterism in the whole poserjack movement. Even if Snob gave it the blog's full attention for weeks, he would not exhaust the supply of low hanging fruit ripe for ridicule. The bits about some numb nuts "inventing" the cock sock or the latest doping scandal are just gravy. Go get 'em Snob!

Anonymous said...

The ax company or companies, like many other "young sophisticated and hip" american start ups and nothing but trust fund shops. "Dad, would you invest in my project? I have a great idea this time"... They don't sell. They don't need to make money. The only reason they get pubilicity is because a) joirnalist have no clue on what to write b) they relatives, family connection, private school friends can give exposure.

—Mdash

Kenneth said...

OK guys and girls, this is from a bike rider in Colorado who the hell needs and axe in NYC for what an axe is made for??? What are you going to split other than a Kryptonite lock on a bike cooler than yours?

Anonymous said...

http://www.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://i3.ytimg.com/vi/ZW9_f2eylhQ/default.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.youtube.com/user/Mmothra&usg=__MlP-wdYnbRvj_tsDkv0glRlQkDo=&h=90&w=120&sz=4&hl=en&start=2&sig2=mk1IGH1yibUwXpfNSsLCJw&zoom=0&itbs=1&tbnid=6X66rmyQWsdkhM:&tbnh=66&tbnw=88&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dk-tel%2Bbedazzler%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DX%26rlz%3D1G1GGLQ_ENZZ318%26prmdo%3D1%26tbs%3Disch:1&ei=J4jTTOPTJIXIuAPmprmjBQ

bikesgonewild said...

...all this attention being heaped on these axe-holes has a particular purpose that bsnyc'rtms isn't allowed to reveal...

...'member 'fight club' ???...well, 'axe fighting club' is the new rage for disillusioned nyc hipsters to help them get in touch with themselves...

...& you DO know the first rule, whether you realize it or not so that's why you haven't heard of it yet...

...of course the stakes are a little higher @ 'axe fighting club' but hey, i can tell you that total dismemberment is not allowed & there IS a surgeon on the premises 24/7...

...prepare to feel 'really alive', hipsters...

Anonymous said...

Once again you nailed the poser axe right on the head.Its not easy to put into words the psychology of marketing to poseur sheep striving for authenticity in their life.I cant find the words of how you easily write about the culture of poseurism whether its cyclists or society in general.Lesser writers end up falling flat on their faces describing so eloquently such subject matter.I see bigger writing awards coming your way in the future.Coastiedouche.

Anonymous said...

Does the Therma jock also come with that penis polish they used to "sell" on saturday night live back in the early days of the show?Said penis polish or wax was to be vigorously repeatedly applied to said penis for a shining glow.Therma jock just might be accidentally be used for something else.Im glad they thoroughly explain its intent.

cyclotourist said...

VALU ABLE

FEED BACK

George Washington's opponents beware

George Not Hincapie said...

I've been using a Trojan base layer under my penis warmer. It wicks while you whack...

mullin5136 said...

This is where it all comes together: Racing axes AND crabon fribe!

http://racingaxe.com/

Anonymous said...

My wife gets hot watching me split firewood with my fiberglass handled
MAUL.

Anonymous said...

ThermoJock, hmm? "Enwarm your penis?"

CommieCanuck said...

Thermal penisway

CommieCanuck said...

Looks like Commie Canuck has moved on and dropped the Kim Jong-Il impersonator bit and taken up a Hunter Thompson persona.

That's Mr. Leahy, alcoholic supervisor of the Sunnyvale Trailer park and purveyor of excellent shit analogies. "I'm a shit-hawk, and I have my eye on you."

Anonymous said...

As a citizen of the United States, Canada's Merkin, I had to look up "Sunnyvale Trailer Park" and "Trailer Park Boys" using a popular search engine and user-generated online encyclopedia. We missed that one here south of the 45th parallel, but it looks like it was really good. 100% Canadian content, too!

Indy Falconheads said...

It seems to me one of the big downfalls of capitalism is the issue of "re-branding".

Things have to be continually "renewed" (20% more flavor!) even though they are fine to begin with. Thus the lies, such as drug ads.

Take the milk carton. Was it that hard to peel the opening back and then poor? Yes, sometimes the peeling got messy, but is that as hard a life gets? Pretty lucky if you ask me. Now, when it comes to camping, I understand. Nothing sucks quite like milk or 1/2 and 1/2 swilling around your bacon!

Anonymous said...

most pretentious axe video EVER:
http://vimeo.com/15170215

Wonder how much $$ they dropped on this one?

Anonymous said...

George, "a Trojan base layer" can lead to permanent ska-ing....

Sorry, sorry......

hey nonny mouse

"Guppy" Honaker said...

Hey Bike Snob - no book appointment coming up? You get some rest!

The "Jewish Cycling Greats" pick was your funniest yet. (Well, in my less-than-humble opinion.)

- David

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Holistic Nutrition and Health

Anonymous said...

OK, as a guy who used to ride a track bike, and who currently wears suspenders attached by actual brace-buttons to his domestically-produced trousers, I've learned to take the snob with good humor. However, i've had enough of these silly axe companies already! The snob has effed up, here. Ok, look, i may have suspenders, but i have no axe. I do, however, have two(2!) cassette lockring tools. Instead of selling his archaic little "book" (talk about backwoods revivalism! who reads books anymore?), BikeSnobNYC ought to be selling rebranded park tools. Just a thought.

In all seriousness, the book aside, bikesnobnyc mostly sells ads. To, among others, frigging Rivendell. Seriously, reading snotty remarks about these stupid rebranded axes with the riv ad running right next to it is offensive. Riv exists primarily to sell offshore frames for domestic custom frame prices, but they also have carved out a niche for themselves by renaming diacompe and nitto products for a false sense of exclusivity. Now, to me, that's funnier than these axes.

-rob

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Spiny Norman said...

Charles Bronson had a message for Mr. Overpriced Hatchet Guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyP4Q8igQY

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Fixie Bikes said...

That federalist picture is so wonderfully american.