Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Hooked on Cycling: The Dear Cost of Fred-dom

Awhile back, I posited that cyclocross may have officially overtaken both road and mountain cycling as the most expensive competitive discipline. (Yes, I realize people spend a lot of money on triathlon too, but it can be easily argued that it is not cycling, or disciplined, or even competitive for that matter--to wit, this video.) However, I'm now realizing that there may be a competitive cyclist willing to outspend all of these delusional would-be athletic heros. I am talking of course of the competitive commuter, or so-called "Cat 6 racer."

Indeed, commuting has become so fiercely competitive that accessory companies can barely keep up with the growing demand for cutting-edge equipment. For example, after extensive wind tunnel testing, competitive commuters have finally realized that the giant empty messenger bags they have traditionally worn (otherwise known as "hipster capes") put them at at an aerodynamic disadvantage--and, in extreme cases, even act as braking parachutes. In practice, though, for most riders a messenger bag serves only as a piece of fabric meant to display the rider's favorite accessory company logo. (It's the bike dork equivalent of a punk rock "butt-flap.") Consequently, the design has undergone considerable refinement, hence the "micro messenger bag:"

Of course, they can call it whatever they want, but when you're spending $85 on a bag intended to carry small personal items such as designer sunglasses, cellphones, and packs of cigarettes or gum, what you're buying is a purse:

Sure, it may be a stylized bicycle-themed collabo commuting purse resembling a messenger bag and sold by a downtown track bike boutique, but it's a purse nonetheless.

It should also not be confused with the nĂ¼-fanny pack, which is like sooo 2007 and thus the domain of commuter racer retro-grouches:


Obviously, in addition to a tiny accessory that suggests it's a bag without actually being one, you're going to need an expensive technical "hoodie:"

Over which you can wear your pea coat that's been "reengineered for a life of freedom," as opposed to the life of indentured servitude into which you were somehow forced by your previous, more affordable pea coat oppressor:

You may or may not want to complement your liberating pea coat with a £195 (or roughly US$3,000) helmet that looks like a bowler hat:

And which you should always use in conjunction with a protective facial apple and/or hands-free apple bong:

Anyway, together that's $800 of outerwear (not including the helmet hat or matching apple bong), which means you'd better have a corpulent billfold hiding away in that mini-messenger racing purse--and which, I might add, already cost you $85. In other words, you will have spent almost a thousand dollars and you'll still be pantsless and bikeless, which is no way to go through life. Expect to pay at least a couple hundred dollars for a "decent" pair of cycling-specific casual pants that look like $20 Dickies to remedy your sans-pants situation. As for the bike, judging from the exotic "whips" your competitors are already "pushing" I'd estimate that between clothing and equipment you're looking at least $15,000 if you want to throw elbows on your way to work with professionals like this:

(This guy will commute you to a pulp.)

Really, at this point you might as well admit defeat, tuck your tail between your legs, and take the subway.

Meanwhile, it would appear that the erstwhile most expensive discipline, cyclocross, is already experiencing a backlash to "Cyclocross 2.0," which has come to be characterized by people who throw Vanillas in fits of pique and who get into fistfights over low placings, as chronicled recently by the All Hail the Black Market blog. Consequently, in Portland (and the surrounding area), practitioners of cyclocross have vowed to eschew the anal-retentive behavior and gross financial expenditures that characterize "Cyclocross 2.0" and instead keep the true spirit of the discipline alive. And by "true spirit of the discipline" I don't mean "racing hard and having fun;" I mean the true spirit of the discipline as Portland sees it, which is making sure that cyclocross remains a rolling freak show:

A reader recently alerted me to these flesh hooks at the Cross Crusade race in Astoria, OR, and the only reasonable conclusion I can draw from this is that the Cross Crusade has finally instituted a separate skitching-off-flesh-hooks field:

I'm sure in Portland--where people race cyclocross on unicycles and cargo bikes as a matter of course, and where they already have a separate World Championship for dogs--there was a tremendous demand for a separate skitching-off-flesh-hooks field. I'm also sure that, instead of being pleased when one was finally instituted, the flesh hook enthusiasts immediately started bickering about whether the field should be further divided into a geared-skitching-off-flesh-hooks field and a singlespeed-skitching-off-flesh-hooks field. This in turn will inevitably lead to an ironic Singlespeed-Skitching-Off-Flesh-Hooks Cyclocross World Championship, which some guy on a Speedvagen will take way too seriously by keeping a spare fakir in the pit. I'm also expecting Sacha White to debut those handbuilt artisanal cyclocross-specific flesh hooks at the 2015 North American Handmade Bicycle Show, or else at its spin-off, the North American Handmade Cyclocross Flesh Hook Show. Unfortunately, by the time your number on the wait list comes up, skitching-off-flesh-hooks will be totally out of style, and Portlanders will have moved on to simply towing people around with their genital piercings.

So with cyclocross apparently resolved to commit "career suicide" at the height of popularity by turning itself into S&M on wheels, it seems that road racing (and triathlon, if you insist on counting it) has a chance to reclaim the mantle of most expensive discipline--that is, if all their equipment doesn't get stolen, as in this surveillance video depicting the brazen heist of an entire "stable" of high-end racing bikes, which I spotted on the "Trackosaurusrex" blog:



Unfortunately, there's no soundtrack, so I suggest you watch this version instead.

Anyway, judging from the description of the culprits, it would appear that the thieves were indeed cyclists:

As for whether they were roadies or triathletes, the trunk rack would suggest the latter, but the fact that they managed to get away without falling down for no reason points to the former.

121 comments:

Anonymous said...

First ten?

Rick Doneky said...

I actually gained time by crashing through a Plate glass window, heck yeah

Anonymous said...

How did I do that?!

Douche said...

Yea Baby!!!

grog said...

just got lucky

Douche said...

Podium still?

Douche said...

The lite messenger bag has def helped!

mediumtriguy said...

top 10?

Should be working said...

Top 10? How?

Anonymous said...

top fifty!!!

Anonymous said...

First! I can't believe it! Being unemployed and not stopping to read the blog before posting has really paid off! That and the beer...

Anonymous said...

tiptoptwampeel.

Anonymous said...

That skin-hook business is very sick shit... unless you are into that sort of thing.

Weasels ripped my flesh

Anonymous said...

Douchetastic!

old hipster said...

Please, enough with the flesh hooks.

samh said...

Gotta get me one of those protective facial apples.

Lars from Norway said...

Lars from Japan?

That is not something easily said in Japan.

RANTWICK said...

"handbuilt artisanal cyclocross-specific flesh hooks" - So good. Great post snob.

Paul Bowen said...

Top twenee!

Is that even a thing?

ow, my eyes said...

The Society for Getting Spectacularly Ugly High-End Racing Bikes Off the Street claims responsibility for the theft.

Frank Eeckman said...

Adam's apple?

CoastieCale said...

Top 25....Meh.

hillbilly said...

you know who can really mount and dismount are the delivery guys on their e-bikes.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Paul Bowen said...

$225? Pfft. Picking up my Dulwich Paragon 75th Anniversary hoodie (It's the 75th anniversary of DP, not of hoodies...or if it is, it's still the former the garment celebrates) Monday night for a much more reasonable £35.

The flesh hooks business is just jaw-droppingly horrible. They should all be sent to prison in my view.

Tex said...

Portland: Whackjob Capital of the Bike Universe.

studioe said...

"....as opposed to the life of indentured servitude into which you were somehow forced by your previous, more affordable pea coat oppressor"

Perfection.

Fingerbang Assistant said...

Snob, I thought they were called bum-flaps, back in the day. But I wasn't a punk, so I wouldn't know.

PawnShop said...

TOOL BELT

RANTWICK said...

I think I might be a Cat 6 racer. I try to just go my usual pace, but there is something about having somebody to catch that's just fun.

I do not, however, assume that anybody else is "racing"... I just pass 'em if I'm faster.

I don't know how I would behave among lots of cyclists in a pack like you've got in NYC crossing the Brooklyn Bridge... I'm guessing I would be quite considerate in that case and slow down if passing seemed unsafe or dick-like.

So, am I a Cat 6 racer?

Anonymous said...

While watching the "Perseverance" hipster motivational video (Motivational Poster 2.0) yesterday I kept thinking of "Where's Wally" for some reason. And then again today I'm sure the "Commuter Pulper" is exhibiting subtle style cues inspired by The Master of Following the Crowd. Is anyone else seeing it? I think a new trend might be developing: I can't believe I just found more evidence ce

Anonymous said...

The Commuter Pulper in action ce

Comment deleted said...

Hoodies, being spectacularly mal-adapted for bicycle riding (specifically designed to cut off peripheral vision), are naturally the garment of choice for UC Davis student-cyclists. This completes their sensory-deprivation ensemble (iPod-plugged ears, hands in pockets) perfectly.

"On your left" is best delivered with a mild tasing, in order to capture the attention of our hermetically-sealed student-cyclists.

A. Contador said...

http://shop.outlier.cc/shop/retail/liberated-wool-peacoat.html
Snob,
did you see the ridiculous sequence of pictures on that site? Where did his leather duffel bag go? Why is he in the center of the lane?

Anonymous said...

down the page a little. ce

Anonymous said...

down the page a little. ce

Paul Bowen said...

Rantwick this may help: www.itsnotarace.org/scr-rules

(Sorry can't be bothered to do the linky thing.)

I have accept a skipload of shame and admit to it I'm afraid.

leroy said...

And I, for one, welcome our new pea coat overlords.

I mean, it is getting chilly.

RANTWICK said...

@ Paul Bowen - thanks! I have an FCN of 7.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Etherhuffer said...

If those flesh-hookers get into a little burlesqe, they won't need saddles on the bikes either. That would be worth a photo though.

crosspalms said...

Hmm. My FCN is 10, which I think is somewhere between a tortoise and a lawn chair.

Anonymous said...

Jeeeeesus. Just caught up on the CAT6 crap from Friday....

Anon -“it's about being proud of your fitness and giving the riding who wants a friendly race a go!”
Uh, no. It’s about being clueless and obnoxious...and generally disrespecting those around you as well, b/c your “race” probably involves swerving around in limited space and cutting off/buzzing other commuters, at least if you’re in NYC.

Mikeweb- “The main reason I started commuting to work years ago is that with work and child raising responsibilities, it was a great way to 'multi-task': exercising and getting to/ from work at the same time....I have to say, I don't "race" anybody but myself to and from work and I ride fast because I like to exercise and push myself. Yes I pass people; a lot of people....Sorry if that makes me a douche.”
Nothing wrong with riding your pace and if that’s relatively fast, then great. But I suggest investing in a trainer/rollers so you can “multi-task” at home and get in some exercise. I have a feeling that if you live in NYC, you are indeed “racing” people. There’s a certain competitive self-consciousness people have here (not to mention self-importance). The real problem with people who “pass a lot of people” on their commutes is the smug gratification they have for “beating” people. If they weren’t there to pass, I’m pretty sure you would be going slower. There is no way you are “pushing” yourself on a commute unless you are really really really out of shape, and then you won’t be “passing a lot of people”. Sorry.

xyxax- “I join you under the douche froide. For lack of time (or the yabbies to insist on more)the Manhattan Bridge and Park slopes are my pathetic "hill repeats". I try to go fast; if someone passes me, I'll try to hang on from a non-wheel sucking distance but I don't try to pass back, because that makes me feel idiotic.”
That is pathetic. But regardless, at least you don’t pass back and keep a good distance.

As per mikeweb’s comment about how do you know if you’re being raced on your way to work: On my daily Williamsburg Bridge commute, I’m riding my steady pace and pass someone. The guy (usually a fixter) then comes back around you b/c “he never gets BEAT”. The really annoying thing about this is that then they tend to slow down, thinking they’ve DROPPED YOU. At this point, if you come around them going the same pace you have been all along, then it’s YOU who’s “racing”. I’ve actually started telling the hipsters that I’m just riding a constant pace to work and not racing them. They usually smile and act like they have no idea what I’m talking about, and put the HAMMER DOWN again. Only to get tired 20 yards later.

Anonymous said...

Jeeeeesus. Just caught up on the CAT6 crap from Friday....

Anon -“it's about being proud of your fitness and giving the riding who wants a friendly race a go!”
Uh, no. It’s about being clueless and obnoxious...and generally disrespecting those around you as well, b/c your “race” probably involves swerving around in limited space and cutting off/buzzing other commuters, at least if you’re in NYC.

Mikeweb- “The main reason I started commuting to work years ago is that with work and child raising responsibilities, it was a great way to 'multi-task': exercising and getting to/ from work at the same time....I have to say, I don't "race" anybody but myself to and from work and I ride fast because I like to exercise and push myself. Yes I pass people; a lot of people....Sorry if that makes me a douche.”
Nothing wrong with riding your pace and if that’s relatively fast, then great. But I suggest investing in a trainer/rollers so you can “multi-task” at home and get in some exercise. I have a feeling that if you live in NYC, you are indeed “racing” people. There’s a certain competitive self-consciousness people have here (not to mention self-importance). The real problem with people who “pass a lot of people” on their commutes is the smug gratification they have for “beating” people. If they weren’t there to pass, I’m pretty sure you would be going slower. There is no way you are “pushing” yourself on a commute unless you are really really really out of shape, and then you won’t be “passing a lot of people”. Sorry.

xyxax- “I join you under the douche froide. For lack of time (or the yabbies to insist on more)the Manhattan Bridge and Park slopes are my pathetic "hill repeats". I try to go fast; if someone passes me, I'll try to hang on from a non-wheel sucking distance but I don't try to pass back, because that makes me feel idiotic.”
That is pathetic. But regardless, at least you don’t pass back and keep a good distance.

As per mikeweb’s comment about how do you know if you’re being raced on your way to work: On my daily Williamsburg Bridge commute, I’m riding my steady pace and pass someone. The guy (usually a fixter) then comes back around you b/c “he never gets BEAT”. The really annoying thing about this is that then they tend to slow down, thinking they’ve DROPPED YOU. At this point, if you come around them going the same pace you have been all along, then it’s YOU who’s “racing”. I’ve actually started telling the hipsters that I’m just riding a constant pace to work and not racing them. They usually smile and act like they have no idea what I’m talking about, and put the HAMMER DOWN again. Only to get tired 20 yards later.

Anonymous said...

Word is that the clowns running the endurance race out on east LI picked THIS COMING weekend so that their cat 1 field get cannibalized by the cross race in East Meadow. "Organized sandbagging??!!!??"

Anonymous said...

Great post. "Rolling Freak Show." Will be quoting that for a while.
Salud!

I am the engine said...

http://www.grist.org/article/2010-11-15-driver-kills-boy-on-bike-sues-boys-parents

What the fuck?

Jake Ryan said...

How long does it take to put a bike on a rack? I'm asking because I wouldn't know anything about trunk racks. I'm too PRO for that.

Anonymous said...

i feel like samh and i are on a dinner date have a deeply engrossing conversation

Anonymous said...

Another pet peeve: The hipsters that work at Oslo coffee on Bedford have taken to writing on bikes that are parked in “their” spots in front of the shop. The bikes are not “cool fixies”, just dumpy mtn bikes. Stuff like “Move this fucking piece of shit” and “Move ME!!!”. The bike is not abandoned, only been there a few days. They could just lock their bikes to it, or at one of the spots next door. If the guy comes to unlock, you’ll see him and you can unlock yours. It’s public parking, you generic trendoids. You’re so “pro-bike” as long as it’s cool and it fits within your hipster conformity. But you’re not shallow, are you? Today, they had actually knocked it over and put their bikes on top of it. F’n entitled brats.

Yoda Mc Squirt said...

Hit it I would.

CommieCanuck said...

I propose Cat7.

This is a class of middle-aged suburban bike riders on hardware store bikes, never exceeding $149, yet weighing 50lbs with suspension within suspension, because god forbid they feel a bump. This price is matched with another $149 in Walmart bike accessories, made of only the finest Asian plastic.

Typical style features include: the pant leg in the sock; the socks and Birkenstocks shoeway; the backwards mounted bike helmet; the overuse of LED lighting technology that clearly states, "don't drive your car like I do when I'm not wobbling around on this bike." Overall , just one extra wheel away from "that special kid".

These Cat7 racers are found on the linear Velodromes, also know to some as "sidewalks".

Hey, I'm in Manhattan Wed-Fri, who wants to do a beer?

Anonymous said...

attention nycers! a police officer friend of mine informed me that the nypd has been instructed to begin rigorously inforcing traffic laws for cyclists e.g. stopping at lights, riding the right way down the street etc......to the tune of a $192 ticket....so watch out for the fuzz and if you're gonna break the law make sure you're going fast enough that they wont bother to chase you

CommieCanuck said...

You’re so “pro-bike” as long as it’s cool and it fits within your hipster conformity. But you’re not shallow, are you? Today, they had actually knocked it over and put their bikes on top of it. F’n entitled brats.

GET OFF MY LAWN, PUNKS.

Zooey Douche-Anal said...

I feel so fresh and clean.

mikeweb said...

CC,

"don't drive your car like I do when I'm not wobbling around on this bike."

chapeau.

What part of NYC are you visiting? and don't tell me Billyburg or I'll need to open a can of whoop ass.

If beer is to be done, I can't think of a better place than Bar Great Harry on Smith St, Brooklyn.

Neil said...

I prefer man-bag to purse ....
maybe it's the metro' in me.

mikeweb said...

"Hey, I'm in Manhattan Wed-Fri, who wants to do a beer?"

My reading comprehension is clearly not up to snuff.

samh said...

Anonymous 2:20, it's only lunch time.

Tex said...

If I lived anywhere near Oslo coffee on Bedford, those dorks would find lots and lots of crappy old ten speeds and a few other odds and ends locked to the bike rack, truly abandoned. Maybe even locked to their tight whips.

mikeweb said...

I get the feeling that the whole Cat 6 discussion is also happening on some car blog somewhere, except they're calling it F2.

I bet there's some equivalent in the Hoveround world too...

Anonymous said...

CommieCanuck said...

"GET OFF MY LAWN, PUNKS."

So you think it's okay for the hipsters to deface and trash a bike just b/c it's legally parked in front of a place they work at?

SLAM said...

I need help; please advise me on how to secure my one speed cat-6 crabon racer's lenticular wheels; I can't seem to pass a chain trough and wonder what will happen to them when I got get my coughy at Starbucks, especially in a grey Audi infested neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday, on the commute back home along La Rive Charles at dusk, I was passed by a guy riding fast on a road bike, followed on his wheel by a guy in street clothes pulling one of those trailer bikes for kids- without the kid. Clearly a race was in progress. The dork pulling the trailer was dropped but not immediately. Chapeau !!

Oh, is that wrong?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Bikesnob NYC -another expertly curated post! I even had to look up "posited" in the dictionary. Learn something new everyday- Thank You.

not a C but still C said...

anon 3:06 I think he is being ironic, and does not think it is okay.

By the way Snob, very humble of you not to mention the reference to your popular "blog" in the NYT article on recumbents. While I have never ridden one, the sight of them makes me smile.

mikeweb said...

@Anon 1:43,

On my daily Williamsburg Bridge commute, I’m riding my steady pace and pass someone. The guy (usually a fixter) then comes back around you b/c “he never gets BEAT”. The really annoying thing about this is that then they tend to slow down, thinking they’ve DROPPED YOU. At this point, if you come around them going the same pace you have been all along, then it’s YOU who’s “racing”. I’ve actually started telling the hipsters that I’m just riding a constant pace to work and not racing them. They usually smile and act like they have no idea what I’m talking about, and put the HAMMER DOWN again. Only to get tired 20 yards later.

By this description it looks like you and I ride the same way, just on different bridge 'eco-systems' (bike-o-systems?). Sorry if I made it sound like I don't ride at a steady pace and pass people like you do. BTW, I don't own a fixed gear bike. In fact, my commuter bike is more like a touring setup. And I'm old enough to be disqualified from living in Williamsburg.

It's a Merino Jungle Out There said...

I am not into the flesh hook thing, but I do enjoy a soft hand every once in a while.

Cognorant said...

I am the engine said... @ 2:07 said "What the fuck".

People have a hard time getting a wrongful conviction overturned even when they are innocent and all the facts clearly point that way. This guy will never win this law suite and he will never get the conviction overturned. But, yes, quite the set of pants yabbies for that exercise of rights.

Jasper said...

Check the dragrace on the mentioned "Trackosaurus"-blog, could this be the precursor to Cat.6 racing? Are those kids cheering at the sidelines the C6-racers of today? With their messenger-bags as brake-chutes?

Love the burnout though, don't see those enough nowadays...

bikesgonewild said...

..."ya, well, i'm into the flesh hook thingy for reasons of self awareness, man...it's deep, ya know...it's like a spiritual thing i picked up from the native americans, dude"...

...uhhh, no...it's now a spectacle you just dragged everybody into...

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...stay the course, amigo...

...when fixsters are willing to spend ridiculous ungodly sums on way overpriced hoodies n' peacoats, trust funds or not, they're gonna 'ex-spend' (made up word) themselves right out a' the neighborhood...

...you, bsnyc/rtms, leroy n' whoever else of the un-trendy but serious cycling habits are gonna be (re)ruling the roost soon enough...technically, youse guys never gave it up but the fixsters are a little delusional, so they kinda think they 'rule'...

Anonymous said...

@anon 1:45
It depends on how you ride and attitude. I really can kick the snot out of most riders on my commute and am proud of my fitness at over 55 yrs old, however cat 6 racing if we need to call it that, really for me is just getting a couple of like minded cyclists cranked up for a hammerfest commute. I have about 8 miles to go and Its not about bragging rights nor about beating the next douche to the light, nor about cutting off the rider on a tour bike with saddle bags, it is about having some fun for what otherwise would be a boring f-ing commute! Otherwise it's a spinning
class...

Anonymous said...

I just can't get on board with the hate for "commuter racing"

It's good that people look for excuses to push themselves harder - for some of them, it could be the bridge they need to become fit enough for actual racing.

Sure, if they're putting people in danger, drafting, swerving, that's shitty, but just riding up behind you at a light and commenting that they worked hard to keep the pace?

Anybody who claims they've never pushed themselves to keep up with somebody faster in front of them is either full of shit or a blind stoker on the back of a tandem.

mikeweb said...

Thanks bgw... we only follow in your shadow. Just sayin'...

Just re-read this nugget of wisdom from 1:43-

Nothing wrong with riding your pace and if that’s relatively fast, then great. But I suggest investing in a trainer/rollers so you can “multi-task” at home and get in some exercise.

I already have a mag trainer that I bought about 20+ years ago when I did race "fur real", so I'm all set then. I'll do that for an hour at home every weekday and then take the subway to work so I'm not in your way as you get annoyed by "hammerin' fixsters" and everyone/ everything else in your path. Actually, I'll just go ahead and do that on the weekends too so I'm not in your way on 9W or the park drives. For someone who's never met me, you give great advice. Thanks!!

ringcycles said...

BSNYC, knowing that you've dabbled in the dark art of cyclocross, when hasn't it been a form of S&M?

My greatest complaint with Portland freak 'cross, is that they look like they enjoy it too much, even while "racing". No pain faces, very un-'cross like.

crosspalms said...

anon 4:18, meet anon 4:29. You guys sound like like-minded cyclists cranked up for a hammerfest commute. And thanks for the heads-up about the snot. I wondered where that all came from. Glad I have fenders.

Anonymous said...

mikeweb said...

"And I'm old enough to be disqualified from living in Williamsburg."

Well, there's plenty of people that take the williamsburg bridge and don't live there (me). And tons of old people that live there and do (55 yr old friends of mine that were born there).

"...take the subway to work so I'm not in your way as you get annoyed by "hammerin' fixsters" and everyone/ everything else in your path. Actually, I'll just go ahead and do that on the weekends too so I'm not in your way on 9W or the park drives. For someone who's never met me, you give great advice. Thanks!!"

Anytime. It's about respect. Assuming you have some in your commute while you "pass lots of people", then it sounds like we have no problem. CONTINUE!

Anonymous said...

Commuter racer defenders:

You are retarded. Saying you are pushing yourself and doing it for athletic endeavors is just so laughable. I mean, if you're really so out of shape that a 5-15 mile commute is your limit, start riding more either before or after work. If you really have a clue, you can make the time. Otherwise, there's no point b/c you just suck. Stop inconveniencing everybody else b/c you wanna break a mild sweat. It's just a stupid idea in NYC. Maybe in south Dakota it's less obnoxious.

Anarchy Rules, OK? said...

CommieC,

".....in front of a place they work at?"

You ain't Canadian, unless Chicago counts.

http://tinyurl.com/2uozwd6

Anon 5:17 said...

Anon 10:41

Here's the math - 5-15 mile commute, twice a day, five days a week, 50 weeks a year = 2500-7500 miles a year

mikeweb said...

Anon 4:44,

It's definitely about respect. I certainly give more than I get when riding. Honestly, I think this whole discussion is about a small percentage of unsafe assholes who aren't as fast as they think anyway.

But what really annoys me on my commute is this: Headwinds! What the hell can we do about THAT!!

Oh wait, I'll be home on my mag trainer all the time anyway. Nevermind.

Oh wait again, you were gracious enough to give me permission to ride my bicycle on the streets, so I'm back to those pesky headwinds...

Sorry to be "inconveniencing" everybody out there. Is getting safely passed by someone faster really that hard of a blow to the fragile egos of so many? And yeah, none of us commuters ever ride before or after work or on the weekends either. We love commuting fast so much, why would we do something stupid like that?!? Plus, I am like sooo out of shape it IS laughable. Well, occasionally every weekend most of the year I do go to Nyack or do 5-10+ laps on either of the park drives or long hilly loops in northwestern Ct. Of course all that is only training for my 'epic' commutes (But shhh, don't tell the other Cat 6's).

Anonymous said...

to the dumb ho whose bike was parked outside of olso for a month chained over two spots. fuck your bike, you got a problem? fuck you too. taking to the internet instead of confronting us...shame

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5:18 said...

"to the dumb ho whose bike was parked outside of olso for a month chained over two spots. fuck your bike, you got a problem? fuck you too. taking to the internet instead of confronting us...shame"

Why would "confronting" you be a good idea? Your post's language pretty much describes a pointless immature escalation, not a discussion.

Anonymous said...

commuter racing is like sex: it´s ok as long as it´s between consenting people, and not hurting anyone not part of the thing.

Anonymous said...

mikeweb said...

"It's definitely about respect. I certainly give more than I get when riding. Honestly, I think this whole discussion is about a small percentage of unsafe assholes who aren't as fast as they think anyway."

Very true. I don't think we have an issue on that.

"Oh wait, I'll be home on my mag trainer all the time anyway. Nevermind."

If that's what you like.

"Oh wait again, you were gracious enough to give me permission to ride my bicycle on the streets, so I'm back to those pesky headwinds.."

I don't think I gave you permission. You ride anyway. Fast!

"Sorry to be "inconveniencing" everybody out there. Is getting safely passed by someone faster really that hard of a blow to the fragile egos of so many?"

Not if it's safe. I think that was Anon's point.


"And yeah, none of us commuters ever ride before or after work or on the weekends either. We love commuting fast so much, why would we do something stupid like that?!?"

Maybe you wouldn't have the need to race people on your commute if you got a good workout in at another point in the day. Unless your ego can't allow you to get passed. I dunno, I get passed all the time. Doesn't bother me.

"Plus, I am like sooo out of shape it IS laughable. Well, occasionally every weekend most of the year I do go to Nyack or do 5-10+ laps on either of the park drives or long hilly loops in northwestern Ct. Of course all that is only training for my 'epic' commutes (But shhh, don't tell the other Cat 6's)."

Sounds like it. Although racing people to Nyack is also "douchey".

Tex said...

Anonymous Retard 5:18,

I don't think you are helping Oslo's business. Maybe that's your intention?

Anonymous said...

"Why would "confronting" you be a good idea? Your post's language pretty much describes a pointless immature escalation, not a discussion."


so we'll discuss the 21st century way, over the internet. the spots outside the shop are not your reserved parking spaces nor are they anyones. so what entitles you to take up half the slots all winter long till it gets warm enough for you to ride again. I'm no more entitled then you. i just want to be able to lock my bike up after a 40 min pre dawn ride and not have that piece of shit mountain bike in my way. if your tires are going flat its been parked there too long! i had even heard from other peoples plans of cutting the lock. so instead i wrote you a lovely little note xoxo

Anonymous said...

tex... i dont care is non of y'all ever come in.

Tex said...

You could just call the city, or the police, or whoever has authority, and report an abandoned bike. That's how it works in the civilized world, at least.

Anonymous said...

Defending commuting hammerfests:

I applaud the use of a commute to improve health, fitness and yes maybe reduce some pollutants. I don't live in NYC ( sounds like fun though ) and use my almost no stoplights commute to do some interval and strength training and it does work. and yes a fair bit of cat 6 racing goes on. In 1 year; resting heartrate dropped from 72 to 51, blood pressure dropped, strength and endurance huge improvements, and yes I do ride douche 50 mile club rides Sat and Sun and manage to hit the gym 2x a week in am. Multitasking? WTF?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:37pm...

...i think you've succinctly nailed it...i'd only suggest you add "kinky" as in "kinky sex"...

..."commuter racing is like 'kinky' sex: it´s ok as long as it´s between consenting people, and not hurting anyone not part of the thing."...

PawnShop said...

Anonymous@4:29 said...
I just can't get on board with the hate for "commuter racing"


It ain't hate; it's "smugness for old people". At least it is for me.

bikesgonewild said...

...& speaking of succinctly nailing it, bsnyc/rtms set the standard with "The Dear Cost of Fred-dom" & mikeweb has defined the basic premise...

..."...I think this whole discussion is about a small percentage of unsafe assholes who aren't as fast as they think anyway."...

...that's practically an all round guarantee...

Bunny said...

Maybe worth mentioning that it was a Halloween race. Everyone was in costume.

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:53 said...

"the spots outside the shop are not your reserved parking spaces nor are they anyones."

Except yours, apparently.

"so what entitles you to take up half the slots all winter long till it gets warm enough for you to ride again."

Just lock your bike to his/hers, or call the police to report an abandoned bike (everything is fine on it, though the saddle was stolen or taken inside). Sounds like you're pretty sure it's not going to be moved. It's right in front of your shop. You can see it. If the guy just happens to show up, I'm sure he'll figure out the "fixies" belong to the closest hipsters (ie, the coffee shop it's in front of) and he'll come in an ask you to unlock it. Simple. No reason to trash his bike.

"I'm no more entitled then you."

Yet you act like it.

"i just want to be able to lock my bike up after a 40 min pre dawn ride and not have that piece of shit mountain bike in my way."

You ride 40 minutes to work at a hip coffee shop? Do you live in Jersey? Sheesh, that's a long way for that wage. Sucks. No wonder you're angry.

Also, just b/c the bike doesn't meet your "cool factor", doesn't mean it's a POS and can't park there. Are people not supposed to ride bikes unless they meet your standards? Does it make your coffee shop less cool to have it near? Maybe they should get all those Puerto Ricans to move out of the neighborhood too.

"if your tires are going flat its been parked there too long!"

I agree. But they are not in this instance.

"i had even heard from other peoples plans of cutting the lock. so instead i wrote you a lovely little note"

I detect irony. Much like a hipster. You really know how to communicate civilly.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5:56 said...

"tex... i dont care is non of y'all ever come in."

Do you think the owner cares if people in the neighborhood support his store, thus your employment?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bunny,

I think flesh hooks transcend "costume."

--BSNYC

bikesgonewild said...

...bunny...we got that & on that weekend, it's now become a cool halloween cx staple...in a relatively short time it's become a 'time honored tradition' for cx all around the country...

..strongest perhaps in santa cruz (surf city cx series) & the great northwest where folks obviously get totally into it...awesome creativity especially considering ya still gotta race yer bike, right ???...

...as far as the flesh hooking, personally, while i made a joke about it, i honestly do see it as a private ceremony, originally rooted in spiritual practice for warriors & so my sense of priorities tells me it should be shared amongst close like minded friends but maybe that's just me...

...spiritual preferences aside, while even 'racy' costumes are one thing, that was exposing everyone, including kids to a spectacle enjoyable to a limited few...

mander said...

mand100th!

I dont own flesh hooks engine said...

I think flesh-hooks transcends costume. Maybe the ultimate costume, unless fleshhooks are in your junk.

Anonymous said...

Heh, what was awesome was the Chari & Co. dude at SICX decked out in world champion custom chari/co kit for the cat 4 race. Wow. Delusion and boutique expenses not spared.

Vegas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vegas said...

Oh c'mon, even Cyclocross II is so last year and The Inaugural NEXT/5 Hour Energy USAC Cat 6 Nats isn't til 2011. This year it's the
Quidditch World Cup

CLICKITY CLICKITY

Vegas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vegas said...

HUzzaH! HTML I slayeth thee! Shoulda done "open in new window" though, eh?

xyxax said...

Dear various anonymouseseses,

I know I suck:

I use a RTMS "disapproved" power meter and it tells me exactly that.

Not using the 7 hours of bike commuting weekly to improve cycling-specific fitness is absurd. It is NOT racing, we pass if it is safe, get passed, and stop at lights.
No one is harmed in my pursuit of sucking just a little less.
Except for the embedded nipple hooks attached to my pedals.

Anonymous said...

fanny pack
i packed it with cream

cyclotourist said...

RTMS: Today's posting was off the hook!

Sorry, can I still leave a comment if I'm not an anonymous?

leroy said...

Am I the only one wondering what that guy in the skitching-off-flesh-hooks category at the Cross Crusade was using for bait?

Anonymous said...

"Cat 6" (huh?!?) in the UK has some very specific rules and regs:

http://www.itsnotarace.org/fcn-calculator/

Anonymous said...

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Erik said...

I think that you are off by a factor of ten on the derby hat/helmet. 195 British pounds is about $300 not $3000. It still looks ridiculous, though.

James B. said...

Pictures from the Boston B.R.A. >>> http://www.flickr.com/photos/gtwodt/sets/72157625409432394/

Anonymous said...

hello there thanks for your grat post, as usual ((o:

TriGeorge said...

Yeah, so making fun of triathlon Fred's is cool. But lumping them in with all Triathletes is not. Just like cyclodom, triathlon has its douche bags too!

Anonymous said...

slow motion bike theft! If your planning on scoring that much loot bring a bike rack!

cat 11'er said...

Trigeorge has a point. But what makes the joke stick with triathletes, I think is our pros welcoming, often helpful attitude toward the freds. Pro cyclists I hear, not so much.

So don't feel hurt. I'm sure the Internet holds equally amusing videos of Freds at play spanning the full spectrum of human endeavor. (cyclocross comes to mind)

At least triathletes can offer an excuse of sorts for their poor bike handling skills - the swim.

But while I myself am a bit winded and wobbly after getting pounded in the swim, I've never seen anything like the chaos depicted in the YouTube video. Hilarious stuff.

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