Friday, November 12, 2010

BSNYC Friday Kosher Wine-Tasting Festival!

Every 75-ish years, Halley's Comet travels close enough to the Earth to be visible to the naked eye, which causes astro-dorks all over the world to rejoice--until July 28th, 2061, when astronomers predict that it will almost certainly smash into Dayton, OH, wreaking chaos and devastation and bringing an immediate and fiery end to all life on this planet.

Similarly, once a year, cyclocross "Cyclocross 2.0" comes close enough to New York City that agoraphobic urbanites can observe or participate in it without overnight stays or having to post impassioned "Can I get a ride?" pleas on cycling forums. Not only will there be a race on Staten Island tomorrow (of which I reminded you last Friday), but the following weekend the Super Cross Cup moves from its usual Southampton venue to the considerably-much-more-closer-to-the-city Eisenhower Park in East Meadow, LI:

It's at times like these that I pause to reflect on what a great place for recreational cycling the New York City metropolitan area actually is. For all the congestion, the truth is that there's enough going on here to make Portland, OR hang its dreadlocked head in shame. During the season, you can race a road bike as often as two or three times a week without getting in a car. There is a velodrome in Queens. There are mountain bike trails within the city limits and others easily accessible by commuter rail. There are year-round group rides north, east, and west of the city all year round, and there are racing and general riding clubs all over the region that are too numerous to mention. And on top of this recreational cycling bounty, New York City has also made tremendous improvements for bicycle commuters, so if you have no interest in going fast or clearing obstacles and just want to ride to work or the store, you can now do that more easily than ever before.

All of which makes the goings-on in this article, to which I was alerted by fixed-gear freestyle impresario and streetwear enthusiast Prolly's blog, completely ridiculous:

This is just more evidence that everyday practical cycling in New York City is still stuck in early puberty. Sure, people on bikes race each-other everywhere now and again, but nowhere else does it happen like it does here, and it's become impossible to cross the Manhattan Bridge without some Nü-Fred coming at you head-on because he's out of the saddle and stomping past a "peloton" consisting of a 35 year-old man on a department store BMX, a "Beautiful Godzilla" on a Dutch bike, and some guy who looks like Napoleon Dynamite.

How do you know you are being challenged into a commuter’s race? "You just sense it, or the other person is making it obvious,” says Johnny Hsu, a graphic designer who lives in Greenpoint. “There's no formula.”

Yes, there's nothing as suspenseful as that pregnant moment in which one "hipster" with a boutique nylon U-lock holster and a 12 year-old entry-level GT track bike he paid $2,500 for on eBay meets another "hipster" in a corduroy jacket riding a keirin bike with Nitto Albatross bars and they both lock eyes, each suddenly realizing that "it's on."

There's also nothing sadder than a guy old enough to know better who clearly doesn't:

“Competition among cyclists is a reality,” says David, a self-employed 47-year-old who rides over New York's Manhattan Bridge every day on his way home to Brooklyn. “[For me,] it starts before the bridge. Once you start jumping to the wrong side of the street you know you’re in a commuter’s race. Everyone wants to go faster. I get smoked sometimes and it’s embarrassing if you’re challenging the person. Once I know I can’t [win], I let them go.”

Embarrassing indeed. When commuter races commuter, the only winner is disgrace. Commuters who race other commuters in New York City are like the people who live around the corner from a pizzeria yet continue to order from Domino's--there's just no excuse for it. There's so much organized competitive cycling in New York City that we even have bike polo for chrissake. I mean, I'm not the biggest bike polo fan in the world, but while I've been "raced" a million times on my commute I have never, ever had anybody roll up and start playing unsolicited bike polo against me, so for that reason alone the poloists have my respect.

In any event, if you're feeling the need to satisfy that competitive urge, I now invite you to participate in a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see how awesome people are.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if someone tries to race you on the way home I suggest you let them "win."

--BSNYC/RTMS






("Good for you.")

1) After your Cat 6 hipster commuter race victory over the forces of dignity, why not reward yourself with the smooth, refreshing taste of a:





(Riccardo Riccò: A Terminator-like warrior sent back in time from a cheesy future to assassinate good taste.)

2) According to Riccardo Riccò, "The Cobra" is:

--Deadly
--Awesome
--Dead
--In his pants





(If even he doesn't know then how are we supposed to?)

3) According to framebuilder Dario Pegoretti, steel smells exactly like:








4) The best way to complement your Frank Vandenbroucke rim "memorial" is with a:




5) Why are these cyclists riding bamboo bikes "from the Arctic to the Antarctic?"




6) Influential pop musician and cycling advocate David Byrne has a car.





7) "Married to the Mob" guy and aspiring cycling advocate Matthew Modine has a car.





***Special Paradoxical Craigslist Negotiating Tactic-Themed Bonus Question***

With regard to price, the seller of this bicycle is:



102 comments:

Anonymous said...

::breakdances::

Anonymous said...

::torque spins::

Anonymous said...

Podium's full

::backflip::

Swaged said...

Top tube?

dcdouglas said...

Top five?

Lantern Rouge said...

Top ten!

Anonymous said...

I agree!

Thankfully not Prolly is not Probably. said...

I'm pretty sure I lost.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

hillbilly said...

have a good weekend yall

ken (loves tofino) said...

it's always wednesday in vancouver!

Anonymous said...

Ooh, top ten! I have to say this bodes well for my commute home...

ploeg said...

Are you sure that David Byrne doesn't own a car?

Some Putz in the Bike Lane said...

Lost yet another commuter race. Maybe it's the panniers.

Clarence Eckerson said...

This is my favorite Bike Snob column ever. "When commuter races commuter, the only winner is disgrace." I couldn't stop laughing.

OBA said...

Welcome to the party -- "CAT 6" racing even has it's own official, unofficial league:

http://www.itsnotarace.org/

Anonymous said...

I kept getting answers wrong but didn't mind because, you know, People Are Awesome!

Anonymous said...

twampeel!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

People are Awesome. You just don't see that shit in the animal kingdom.

samh said...

"...so for that reason alone the poloists have my respect."

Yay, the poloists finally get some BSNYC respect!

Velo DC said...

"When commuter races commuter, the only winner is disgrace."
great line!

velodc.blogspot.com

Never Knows Best said...

Would that make the comments race Cat 7?

A- on the quiz! it's going to be a good day.

jimmynuetron said...

When is commuting not a race? Probably when you are unemployed or take to full time blogging. For the rest of us it's Death Race 2000 5 days a week. Hostile competition lies at the core of New York driving, why should bikes be different? There's only so many job in media and design anyways, hipsters need to race to get them.

Katy said...

Oh yea!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Snobby- love your blog however I reall enjoy commuter competition, no time to race on the weekends and I get a terrific workout... it's not about pounding the next guy (girl) riding a tour bike with saddlebags into a state of hypoxnia, it's about being proud of your fitness and giving the riding who wants a friendly race a go! I don't live in NY so maybe the tenor is different there than here in DC, maybe worse here? Bottom line excellent way to get a challenge on the commute as long as it's friendly. Keep it up!!

I am a no smell titanium enginee said...

What a great week snobby, Vail left for dead anger, wheel sucking, hipster racing, another senseless cyclo-cross race, Katy Perry, and you give us this impossible quiz?

Is "People are awesome" the video version of the mix cd?

Seemed more like an ad for spinal injury doctors, except for the female contortionist, in black spandex. Thank you for that.

Animals are also awesome to some dip-shit who found a need to create this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2BWGaFZvuI&feature=fvst

This proves again there is no intelligent life on You Tube.

This includes the steel smeller courtesy of Rapha. Steel does not have an odor, unless it is Wednesday Weed day.

Why must we be subjected to this inane shit from RAPHA. Wasn't their "racing team" using carbon frames from some outsourced mainland Chinese child labor bike builder?

Anonymous said...

The only really good stunt in People are Awesome was the little girl at 3:46

Stupid Name said...

"it's about being proud of your fitness"

A race with different starting points, different ending point, quitting when you think you have won and probably only half a block long.

It is the race for those with ADD, and small lung capacity. In other words the perfect New York expression of fitness competition.

crosspalms said...

Wow. People are awesome indeed. And people with basketballs are even awesomer.

ringcycles said...

I read a column in CX magazine about commuter "races" a few weeks ago. I dismissed it as a silly PDX thing, like uni-cycle 'cross. But now I know it happens in NYC too!?!

http://www.cxmagazine.com/reflections-bike-lane-cross-roadie-commuters

What is wrong with people who have to turn every cycling excursion into a faux-race? Ride to ride, race to race; there's a time/place for each, and when I'm towing a burley trailer I'm not going to throw for a sprint. Sheesh

wle said...

you missed the big news
katy perry rode her bike
in black
mm
wle

SAT a like said...

Pretty sad what nerds we (me, at least) are becoming: Did the quiz properly, no cheating, wrote down my answers and everything.

Went 5 for 8, not bad.

mikeweb said...

The main reason I started commuting to work years ago is that with work and child raising responsibilities, it was a great way to 'multi-task': exercising and getting to/ from work at the same time. And no, I am not a Lycra commuter. The thought of prancing in and out of the lobby of my work building in that stuff doesn't exactly appeal to me. The Lycra is for non-commuting rides.

I have to say, I don't "race" anybody but myself to and from work and I ride fast because I like to exercise and push myself. Yes I pass people; a lot of people.

Sorry if that makes me a douche.

DogShot said...

Thanks for the Dayton, OH shout-out, although I'm not sure we want to be known as the place where it all ended. But then again, there won't be anyone around to care.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Most days I don't even see another cyclist on my bike commute. Sad.

Bobby said...

Great stuff, Sir Snob! I commute in lycra among other cycling requisites, just under two hours daily, rain or shine, sweltering or frozen. Can't do it in street clothes, lest the pants yabbies get all gnarled among other things. If another cyclist is found along the way, no poseur action needed.

Well, unless he's wearing a full team kit and looks like a dentist hiding from the office on that crabon MadOne or Serotta, of course. MAybe he'll even break into a sweat, meaning he'll have to drop his steed off at the shop for a cleaning and tuneup.

leroy said...

I can't race other bikes on my commute. I tend to giggle when someone zooms past me and I can't figure out why I'd want to blow through a stoplight in the dark for no good reason.

But I confess, if the Manhattan Bridge bike path is empty, I have raced the subway over the bridge.

It appeals to my sense of the absurd.

Ride safe all!

xyxax said...

@mikeweb
I join you under the douche froide. For lack of time (or the yabbies to insist on more)the Manhattan Bridge and Park slopes are my pathetic "hill repeats". I try to go fast; if someone passes me, I'll try to hang on from a non-wheel sucking distance but I don't try to pass back, because that makes me feel idiotic.

gene99 said...

I finally figured out how to make the Snob podium: Stop doing anything Snob thinks is douchy and become a shut-in like some of you former douches.

Bob said...

It's easy to win a race when the other person doesn't know they're racing

Some Guy said...

Commuter racers I have encountered inevitably reminded me of the butch guys who came into a bar one night back when I was much thinner and younger. They seemed to think since I was there alone that I was fair game and went about acting out all sorts of gay "mating" rituals that got funnier and more frantic the more I ignored them. By the time it was over, I was just sad for them. I finally went and asked some woman to dance, and the leather bound guys left. Weird.

frilly said...

I suck at these quizzes. Seriously.

Going for a ride this weekend w/my new guy (too soon to be called boyfriend). Anyhoo, he's a triathlete. Yep. And thanks to all I've learned reading Snobbie and the comments board, I'm actually a little nervous.

Udder said...

I always seem to get challenged by some asshole on our local bike paths (Columbus, OH multi-use paths where it's not cool to ride real fast).

Th easiest thing to do is power away and drop them but that just endorses their behavior, so I just slow down, smile and let their fantasy continue without me.

Anonymous said...

Now THATS entertainment!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Congrats Frilly. Sounds like fun. You guys just be careful and take your time getting on your bikes and everything should be fine.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of a joke: what does street racing a Honda civic and competing in the special olympics have in common?

-- even if you win your still retarded

Anonymous said...

Dear Bikesnobnyc,

Will smoking only a few bowls throughout the day interfere with my ambitions to be a champion commuter racer on my 'vintage' shimano freehub with a single gear with a 'real simple' chainline?

Yours,
Douchebag

PawnShop said...

Hope things go well, Frilly. Remember: just put your shoes on before attempting the mount, and you'll avoid finding yourself in one of those embarrassing "transition fail" videos. Triathlete ex-es can be so cruel.

Oh, and the Flying Cowboy is considered to be an "advanced" mounting technique - get the mundane stuff down cold before attempting it.

What were we talking about again?

One bent of the Apocalypse said...

Dayton happens to have more recumbents concentrated in one town than anywhere else in the world.

Coincidence? I think not.

grog said...

50
people:awesome::lobster:delicious

one can be a commuter, or a racer, not both at the same time.

Miss Muff said...

Frilly dear, tell your boy that I'm not exactly a loose woman, but I will go down.

Anonymous said...

Informal racing? In NY? On the bridges and in the parks? No shit! What'll those hipsters on their toy bikes think of next?

Anonymous said...

VOTE FOR PEDROS

Anonymous said...

People are awesome, especially when they don't hit their trick and go splat!

H

PawnShop said...

"There's also nothing sadder than a guy old enough to know better who clearly doesn't".

Don't weep for me, Snobbie - your sadness is misdirected. My approach to Cat 6 racing is one of sneering & condescension, but not even a hint of participation. Racing is decades back in the rear view mirror, and it's been a long, long time since I made peace with slow.

I broke out the winter specialist this week - internal hub & brake, low gear range, wheelbrows & a double helping of ugly. So I'm just riding along the other day, plodding across one of our many very flat bridges. As I approach the stop light on the north end of the bridge, a couple of college kids barely pass me despite their obviously strenuous effort ( stuck with their one gear, as they inevitably were ). Having no derailleurs or visible rear brake on my bike, one of them started scoping out the "steed of the vanquished" in their stoplight prime. Upon seeing two brake levers & a twist shifter, he realized I was impure, and made a rudely phrased suggestion about what I should be riding.

My reply was, "Spell velodrome". He couldn't.

Weep for our future - not for us guys who are old enough to know better, but don't.

nate rides a bike said...

is it really necessary to remind people that you can turn a bike with horizontal dropouts into a fixie everytime one sells a bike with said dropouts??? that seems to be a big selling factor. if you dont know that, maybe you dont have any business riding a fixed gear bike....

im actually very suprised theres not more fixie related deaths.

Anonymous said...

H Sh@t it's beer o clock!!!

crosspalms said...

I used to be a horizontal dropout. Then I discovered it's easier to drink beer if you're sitting up.

bikesgonewild said...

...re: "BSNYC Friday Kosher Wine-Tasting Festival!"...

...hey, thanks for the case of 'mogen - david' you sent when i bought my book, bsnyc/rtms but to be honest, this stuff sucks...

...wtf ???...i hate to be an alter kocker but strawberry-kiwi wine even if it's 14% is a zetz, yes ???...

...oy vay but next time perhaps md 20/20...THAT i can give away to the ol' guy in the park...

Mr Normal said...

If I get a woody seeing Katy in black see-through spandex, does that make me a bad person ?

bikesgonewild said...

...re: "Basque government denies suggestions that its meat could be the source of Contador’s positive test"...

...one of these days, ol' 'berto's gonna have to get honest & point that 'fingerbang' back at hisself...

...face it, 'berto...they couldn't catch your ol' mentor lance but they did catch you...get over it...

Anonymous said...

Ty's Chi sez:

If I dispatch a fellow humanoid with a boutique hand axe does that make it a poseur homicide or a poseuree homicide?

Charity Ride Champ said...

Anon 3:11 FTW though there was a lot of competition from some of the commuters.

Anonymous said...

"There are year-round group rides...all year round..."

Stiveaux said...

that video is awesome; although I'm a devout reader, I can't be snobby about it. Can we get you a Pulitzer?

Pink Lobster said...

As a female bicycle commuter, my most irritating days come when I accidentally forget myself and pass a man on a bicycle. No matter the type of bike or our respective ages/sizes/fitness levels or if I just happened to catch the light when it turned green while he was still sitting there at the red, most guys can't let me pass them without feeling the need to race me. Which, I confess, does occasionally make me feel competitive, thus turning us both into Cat 6 douches. Dammit.

@ Mr. Normal,
The woody doesn't make you a bad person. However, talking about it public probably does. Or at least it makes you not as nice a person as you were when you didn't mention it in public.

Anonymous said...

i am in a recumbent commuter biker gang.

on saturday morning's we meet up at the local coffee, shop and load up 20oz soy vanilla chocolate breve's and slay some intervals.

sunday is reserved for the church of cross training were i load up on a wicked pina colada power shake, strap on my roller blades and take my golden retriever to the park.

the final part of my weekend is a solid recovery of a bubble bath with mineral salts, shave my legs and watch the episodes of ophra that i tivo'd earlier in the week.

life is good.

g-roc said...

Oh come on, if they were that bad ass, they wouldn't be riding the world's longest panda-free corridor. Pussies.

ttv said...

I love biking with my friends too...

Anonymous said...

Fuck is Thanksgiving around the corner?
All of you homo's are grabbing cock and stroking a gobbler!

Anonymous said...

commuter racing has been huge in north dakota for years, the rest of the world is finally catching up

Anonymous said...

Samh...your pussy is up for auction.
The starting bid is the street cred that you will loose by going to the block.
So sorry...did you play street fighter?
If if so it might work out well for you?

Anonymous said...

i too confess to being in a bike gang, we meet up for some jo at the bucks at 7:30 and then proceed to demolish every bearded, mirror wearing recumbant commuter on the way to work...nice clean fun

CRUZCONTROL said...

OMG Cyclecross in Eisenghetto whats better than that??... being 40 miles closer to the MTB capital del mundo, NYC.. LOL

Anonymous said...

Snob,

check this out, it´s about recumbents, it´s in the NYT, and your blog is cited:
here

big jonny said...

Don't forget: http://www.vdbhasaposse.com

Stowe said...

I must say that this is a good omen for my trip home ...

Indy Falconheads said...

Another good laugh.

Thanks Snobby!

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