Friday, September 10, 2010

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

(I hope she won.)

In the world of foppery, nothing says "autumn" like a crisp, new, expensive cycling-specific dress shirt. This essential garment tells your colleagues at the architectural firm, ad agency, or design collective that it's "back to business," and is the perfect complement to that designer "fixie" and that $75 haute barber shop-style haircut. So when the press releases of autumn alighted in my electronic mail inbox like so many fallen leaves, it was no surprise that one of them heralded the "dropping" of the Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt:

The above image shows just what a powerful tool the right cycling-specific dress shirt can be. Would you commission a "green" summer home or conduct "Internet 2.0"-related business with this fellow? I certainly would. In fact, I wouldn't even need to see his renderings for my multi-million dollar "minimalist" beach house made entirely of recycled beverage containers and featuring no less than seven composting toilets, nor would I even bother to listen to his explanation as to why building a new "green" home is somehow more "sustainable" than simply buying an existing one, for his glasses, haircut, and shirt would be all the reassurance I needed. And if this photograph is somehow not enough to convince you that you need to add an Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt to your wardrobe, here's the accompanying copy:

Quite simply a better men's dress shirt. Our patent pending Pivot Sleeve Shirt fits better and opens up a wide range of motion constrained by traditional shirt constructions. We custom developed the Blazed Cotton fabric to create a quality shirting that stays crisp, clean and dry while living life in action.

Yes, simply slip on an Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt and you'll marvel at the new range of motion it offers you--in fact, you'll execute movements you never even knew existed. This is because "traditional shirt constructions" are a holdover from the Victorian era and are deliberately constraining and repressive. For example, the "foffing off" motion can be exceedingly difficult in a "traditional shirt construction," whereas "pivot sleeves" will expose you to exciting new feats of auto-erotic manual dexterity such as the "reverse grip," the "prayer grip," and even the difficult yet rewarding "between-the-legs ball dribble."

By the way, I should point out that "shirting" is garmento-speak for "the stuff you make shirt out of," and should not be confused with "sharting," which is something else entirely. (Though I understand the Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt is completely shart-retardant.) If you're still confused, here's a handy pronunciation guide:

--Shirting

--Shart

And, just for fun, there's also this.

Having grown up in the Paper Age, I'm here to tell you that looking up dirty words in the dictionary is far more rewarding in the Internet era.

Now that everybody knows the difference between "shirting" and "sharting," I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know it (though you should try to refrain from "sharting" yourself with excitement), and if you're wrong you'll see dickheads.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may you enjoy the full range of motion afforded by a well-engineered shirt this weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS



("Ow, my aching back!")

1) Cycling-specific dress shirts are the new cycling-specific jeans:






("These ugly white shoes are obscuring my genitals.")

3) In preparation for the World Championships, Filippo Pozzato will abstain from:

--EPO
--Sex




(Photo via W.S. Diktats)

4) Starting in 2011, dog walking will replace swimming in all USAT-sanctioned events.





(Dogpaw, the greatest bike messenger of all time.)

5) The Cycle Messenger World Championships in Guatemala has been beset by:





(Fixed-gear bicycles: the official novelty prize of the 21st century.)

6) Which car company is giving away a "fixie" autographed by an "alternative" rock band?





7) Which periodical has published a trackstanding tutorial?




***Victorian Era-Themed Bonus Question***

What is the most likely reason this buggy driver is using a trunk rack?


61 comments:

PawnShop said...

Meh.

Desert Rider said...

podium?

Desert Rider said...

third?

3G said...

top 10!?

A. Contador said...

Snob, I believe the little racer is a GIRL
Fingerbangs,
-A.C.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Alberto Contador,

Thank you.

--BSNYC

Surly Bastard said...

Top ten again! Woulda been better but slipped out of the pedal. Damn!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

Chris said...

Top 10!!!!

Desert Rider said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PawnShop said...

Damn! Shoulda guessed landslides.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC,
Actually, the Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeve Shirt is $165. Its the Ultrafine Merino Tee that's a mere $75.

Brian said...

Holy crap are those Lightweights on that kid's bike?

Shu-Sin said...

top 20

Nogocyclist said...

I have got to get one of those shirts. Just to think I have put up with Bilateral Frozen Shoulders for over a year when all I had to do was get the right shirt.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I was a little confused by the Cyclingnews article. Was Potzatto saying that he was refraining from sex altogether, or only from sex with women?

Anonymous Coward said...

Top 20!
Snob, the M-W audio links were priceless.

Anonymous said...

So? Did she win? I can't stand the suspense!

Cav Not said...

The best I could do with my contraining shirt.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

hillbilly said...

boy howdy. have a good weekend yall

Tikit Taker said...

A Bike Friday photo as part of the Friday Fun Quiz -- will wonders never cease?

PINK ONES

streepo said...

Whilst shirting, I sharted my shants.

ringcycles said...

Pozatto abstaining during the season doesn't sound like much of a sacrifice, now if Cipo has sworn off sex, well, it would be news, but no one would believe him.

Anonymous said...

She should get disqualified for a false start.

Todd said...

We should take up a collection to get that poor, underprivileged girl a proper set of pedals and shoes.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Here is the better answer to question 1

Anonymous said...

we all play synth

DICK HEAD

DICK TATS said...

Can we find out who the father of the sandbagging TT-helmeted mini-douche is and punch him?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

So? Did she win? I can't stand the suspense!

- yes - right after her sex change

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Can we find out who the father of the sandbagging TT-helmeted mini-douche is and punch him?

Scott Brown, of course

CommieCanuck said...

Actually, the Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeve Shirt is $165. Its the Ultrafine Merino Tee that's a mere $75.

Cheap. I use these to clean my chain.

grog said...

excellent funk whiz
going a-shirting now--
living life in action

Anonymous said...

Te dickhead video is great."I organise a vegan Krunk night" is genius.

Neil said...

Pivot sleeve shirt....makes me think of an action figure

http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/the-obama-action-figure.html

Dave @ KirkLee said...

That's a KirkLee! It was definitely a unique and challenging custom build.

CommieCanuck said...

Isn't Kirklee the Costco house brand?

LK said...

So, the Rapha shirt costs less than the Outlier Shirt!!??



http://tinyurl.com/2clp4fv

ant1 said...

VOEC KLER

Anonymous said...

There needs to be more violent crime in Brooklyn.

Quicksquirt McHurt said...

I'd hit it.

bikesgonewild said...

..."Cheap. I use these to clean my chain."...

...really ???...you clean your own chain ???...

...i insist my 'chain cleaner' wear the 'blazed cotton pivot sleeve shirt' (@ $165.00) while she wipes down my chain w/ the 'ultra-fine merino tee' (@ $75.00)...

...but i think that we can both agree there's less lint that way...

dtwright said...

AMAZING COCKPIT U GUYS

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mister5/

Anonymous said...

What's the deal with being rewarded for choosing the wrong answer? There was no incentive to make an effort.

Yes, the Aerokid did win by a whisker, but later lost it all after a positive drug test.

PawnShop, another well executed podium appearance. The sponsors will be happy. ce

leroy said...

Sorry, but can you all keep it down? I've got a hangover so thick it could be spread on bread.

My dog convinced me that to celebrate the New Year properly, I had to chug a bottle of Manischewitz and join a throng of revelers in Times Square awaiting the dropping of a giant matzo ball at midnight.

I should have known something was fishy when he told me Dick Clark was running late and we should switch to Mad Dog 20/20 while waiting.

He must still be mad about that whole neutering thing.

Ride safe all!

(I should be okay in time for the TA Century. My dog insists he wants to make amends by offering me his sure fire hangover cure. It involves replacing my shot blocks with jello shots. .

He says it's called "the hair of the dog." I guess I can trust him. It sounds like something he would know.)

cyclotourist said...

SHIR TING

Stupid Name said...

"AVAILABLE LATE DECEMBER – Made from a pioneering material for the city cyclist, these rider-specific jeans are durable, water repellent and fast drying. Available in regular length or a longer 34" length, the jeans come in 30" to 38" waist sizes."

How long is the regular length?
Is it impossible to put a number on normal, or will that number change by December?

Anonymous said...

Where are barber haircuts $75??

Anonymous said...

http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/cycling-in-new-york-city-is-no-longer-an-extreme-sport/19626084

self serving crap

Igor Anton said...

Ok so see, suddenly I thought I was on fire, so I dropped and rolled. My mistake. Fortunately all that happened was I lost all my skin on the part of my body that hit the pavement. Which was most of it. Oh and I broke a teammate. There's that. My bad.

Next year then.

Anonymous said...

Come on…she is probably wearing Daddies helmet and Dad is suitably chuffed that his kid is interested in cycling…and don't forget all of the poor bike shops he is keeping in business.

Crown Prince I.M. Foffinoff said...

My dear Snob,
I know your writing is all in fun, but I'm afraid my grandmother, the dowager empress, is very protective of the family name and I implore you to be careful in future.
Ambidextrously yours,
FOFF NOFF

Enlarge Penis said...

Sorry, but can you all keep it down? I've got a hangover so thick it could be spread on bread. My dog convinced me that to celebrate the New Year properly, I had to chug a bottle of Manischewitz and join a throng of revelers in Times Square awaiting the dropping of a giant matzo ball at midnight. I should have known something was fishy when he told me Dick Clark was running late and we should switch to Mad Dog 20/20 while waiting.

-p said...

Zinn stole his brake article from me.

Runescape Gold said...

We've got to get one of these tops. Just to consider We have tolerate Bilateral Frozen Neck for more than 12 months while almost all I had created to perform had been receive the correct shirt.

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