Friday, June 18, 2010

BSNYC Road Dairy (and very short Friday Fun Quiz!)

Relentlessly, my BRA tour marches on, and this evening I will visit San Jose (the city, not the person), where at 6:30pm I will deface merchandise at a Barnes and Noble bookstore. Afterwards, I will join something called the San Jose Bike Party, which, to be perfectly honest, looks terrifying. Then, tomorrow, Saturday, June 18th, at 2:00pm, in the year 2010, I will visit the University Bookstore in Seattle. Finally, on Sunday, I will be in the Portland that's in Oregon (and not the one in Maine). At 5:00pm I hope you will enjoy me for a meandering ride starting at the headquarters of Chris King Precision Components and ending at Powell's, where I will appear at 7:30pm and make my PowerPoint presentation one final time before returning to New York City, where I can crawl back into my hidey-hole, never to emerge again.

In the meantime, I greatly enjoyed my visit to San Francisco yesterday, a city in which the "fixies" wear bodices:

Just as you can supposedly find north from the moss on the trees (though I find it much easier to simply look at the street signs), you can always tell you're in California from the pristine condition of the "vintage" Volkswagens:

Granted, you may see the occasional pristine Volkswagen in New York, but it will certainly not be sporting a Campagnolo decal:

As I took this photo I noticed that the person in the passenger seat was studying something on his "smartphone," so I leaned in for a closer look:

I was glad to see he was using an "alternative" search engine (the kind that run on "sustainable" fuels), though sadly for the people at Dogpile they've had to resort to developing "apps" for off-brand iPhone knockoffs.

From there, I headed to the Ritual Roasters on Valencia Street, where I was amazed to find they had a special named after me:


Having an espresso (or "expresso" if you're the kind of person who says "supposably" instead of "supposedly") special named after you in San Francisco is a true honor, and it's the equivalent of getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, having a sandwich named after you at the Carnegie Deli, or being named in the Floyd Landis confession. The moment I saw this, I knew I had arrived--not in the sense that I had become successful, but in the sense that I had literally arrived at the coffee house and someone thad taken nine seconds to scribble this sign with a ballpoint pen prior to my getting there.

Once caffeinated, it was time to ride:


Smugly, we took to the savage and gritty San Francisco streets:

We encountered danger (and by "danger" I mean pleasant weather and lovely Victorian homes) at every turn:

This is the harsh urban landscape from which emerged hard-core "fixie" crews like MASHSF:

In this sense, MASH are kind of like that sullen kid with the nose ring sulking in the back seat of his parents' Mercedes.

Amazingly, we all survived, finally arriving at the Sports Basement, where I encountered yet another hastily-handwritten sign:

Ironically, we had to go upstairs to reach the basement. Then, once there, we were apparently supposed to enter a "grotto." I was apprehensive, because a basement grotto sounds like the sort of place in which you'd be liable to contract an STD.

As it turns out, though, the grotto was more of a loungey place with sofas, and there was even a professionally-printed sign in addition to many fabulous prizeways which we raffled off later. ("Raffling off" should not be confused with "foffing off," which is something you might do while alone in your basement grotto.) It was truly a bike dork's delight:

Here are the guests, gamely bracing themselves for the PowerPoint presentation through which they would have to suffer before winning their prizes:

If you would like to see a few moments of video footage of my BRA, you may do so by clicking here. Otherwise, I leave you with this:

...as well as with a very short quiz. (I have little time on the road for grading.) As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see sailing.

Thank you very much to the Sports Basement and the people of San Francisco, and I'm looking forward to meeting more of you in the coming days.

--BSNYC/RTMS



1) Which artist will perform at Sunday's Harlem Skyskraper Cycling Classic in New York City?


2) Ivan Basso's sister Elisa Basso is currently:





(The rare and difficult bare-chested tattoo-flash-to-beach-portage)

3) Fixies and chest tattoos have finally made the cover of which magazine?




74 comments:

Anonymous said...

who cares?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

damn comments page wouldn't load up. i feel robbed.

ant1 said...

but since first place doesn't care, i'll claim the win.

xyxax said...

Top 5 from Kinshasa?

Friend of Fatty said...

Happy Birthday Fat Cyclist!

ant1 said...

kinshasa, nice. watch out for the ebola.

xyxax said...

and Conalgo is an anagram for
La Congo (OK it's le Congo, mais bon).

i am the engine said...

Woo, woo,
I get to stand next to the podium.

xyxax said...

Yes feeling ebola's bloody grip, misspelling Colnago

ant1 said...

what are you doing in kinshasa? live there?

xyxax said...

But it is this same viral dyslexia that got me a cheap price on a Trick Madonna

ringcycles said...

Top 10! Ant1st, great to see you on form, but let some other guys have a chance to sprint

LitFuse said...

Does anyone know anything about Lit Fuse bike shop on Willoughby? Like what the hell happened to them, or how to contact them? It seems that they went out out of business 2 weeks ago with my bike in their shop. I can't get in touch with anyone. (I know, I know -- laugh at me if you please; I'm sure I deserve it). Still, if anyone has info...

Thanks!

xyxax said...

work travel, cholera-specfic.
All the bicycles here are single-speed with top tubes having a 4-person capacity.
Now please, everyone, go wash your hands.

Biz Markee said...

"She had 9-10 pants and a very big bra..."

Anonymous said...

Top 20 and aced the quizzzzz!!!!

Anonymous said...

2) Ivan Basso's sister Elisa Basso is currently:

e) Super Hot.

Frank Eeckman said...

Great show last night! Enjoyed every minute of it!

Name said...

Snob,

That room was full. Congrats!

leroy said...

Weather so nice, my 45 minute commute stretched to three hours.

I'm in such a good mood, I don't even mind that my dog stencilled "Wide Load" on the back of my bib shorts.

That was probably his way of saying "Happy Birthday Fat Cyclist."

ant1 said...

snobby - since it appears you won't be adding BRA dates for us poor saps who live in (insert non-visited city here), could you, once you have completed your tour, post the PP presentation somewhere so that we may get a little sense of what we missed?

B34NS said...

was i the only person at the sports basement last night not completely blown away by that ridiculous I beam coozie?! Wanted to ask, but the questions were far too serious

hillbilly said...

"hope you will enjoy me for a meandering ride". pervert

samh said...

Wow. I got 100% wrong on the shortest "Firday Fnu Qiuz" ever.

g said...

I got nothing.
Have a good weekend all. RTMS, make sure your Mrs and Snoblet save you some Father's day cake.

Thad said...

I would like to state for the record that it took far longer than 9 seconds to scribble that sign. Also, I used a sharpie, not a ball-point.

Anonymous said...

"no carbon based technologies!" how does he plan to lubricate his (beefy) bottom bracket or wheel bearings?
top number-8-on-its-side.

Jefe said...

It's good to hear others miserably failed the quiz. Who knew poets were celebrating the fixed gear? However, I am saddened to learn of Ms. Basso's legal difficulties. Perhaps a kind word from Mr. Berlusconi would be of help.

tobias said...

yes Stevil, you are being watched.

mikeweb said...

Happy fathers' day Snob! and all the other Dads here as well!

Yokota Fritz said...

Do you know the way to San Jose?

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Anonymous said...

Basso Profundo... a real bodice-ripper

Anonymous said...

I have never, ever gotten 100%, and I've taken every quiz.

The holds true even after today.

Vito the helper monkey said...

I was going to hold the black bar over stevils eyes, like he does on his blogway, but I was too scared he was going to spank me ;)

honkybucket said...

Not only have I never "aced" a quiz, I generally guess wrong 3X before finally getting it right. I always wind up with the first few notes of whatever song it is accompanies the wrong answer video stuck in my head for the next hour following a quiz.

Anonymous said...

I want to see some good Fremont Solstice Parade naked cycling photos from you on Saturday in Seattle!

bikesgonewild said...

... Yokota Fritz said...
..."Do you know the way to San Jose?"...

...that's easy, fritz...look @ a map, start w/ the city of san francisco & it's all downhill from there...

yogisurf said...

Snobby, looks like the BRA is a big success, wish you were coming to San Diego. Enjoy the rides.

Anonymous said...

I spy with my little eye, Stevil Kenevil of AHTBM in the front row in SF.

Nogocyclist said...

I get every answer of every quiz right.

I consider each answer carefully holding my mouse over each answer to keep from losing my place, and then move to the next.

In my mind I realize one is different from all the rest and that is the one I pick.

Crazy, I know. But it always works!

gruppetto said...

I assume Vito the domestique will be assisting with diaper duty and schlep bottles until you return. Happy first father's day

grog said...

FUNK WIZZ
FTHR SDAY
SMMR SLTC
LIFE GOOD
RIDE NICE

Salty and Sore said...

Anon 2:48-

I have no idea what Snobbie's plans are, but I have some good news for you. The self-described, Geeky Swedes, of MyBallard.com and their partners will more than likely provide excellent coverage of the Solstice Parade, while Snobbie is giving his presentamentation. If the weather tomorrow is anything like it is today, the 'cycling' portion of the parade (if it can be called that,) will last well past the start of Snob's scheduled time.

This is, like, the 17th year since the first bikers disrobed to stage a protest against something or other that I can't remember, so it's not what it once was.

I'm hoping the local fixie riders (few, though there may be,) step up and take over this responsibility. Circus bikes in the Fremont Solstice parade would be sweet.

That said, it's still funny when they crash during the parade.

BTW, are you New Yorkers ever late?

bikesgonewild said...

...great to meet bsnyc/rtms, if only briefly & have him sign a copy of his tome...

...i popped in late to the proceedings as the festivus-like occasion wound down & the constant & irritating drone of the vuvuzelas was fortunately subsiding...

...i had missed 'the blessing' of the local's fixed gear bikes, "the talk", the slideshow, the inevitable 'discussion', the giving away of swag & anything else that may have passed for entertainment, only to walk in & overhear the bikesnob traveling triumvirate brain trust's pedestrian discussion of where to find the evenings "epic burrito"...

...i politely held my tongue (that's a figure of speech, ironically) & declined to offer a suggestion because the sun was setting & i imagined this august group being mugged down in the part of 'the mission' they'd need to go for "the goods"...

...i'm sure they made do w/ something absolutely suitable but less than truly "epic", especially in this city...

...just sayin'...

Keith Hearn said...

Just got back from Bike Snob's sooper-sekret-BRA-that-doesn't-appear-on-the tour-schedule, that took place in an undisclosed location between SF and SJ.

I can report that the Snob is just as funny in person as in his blog. I also got my copy of the book signed. The last book I had signed by a visiting author was Al Gore's latest. BikeSnob, I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that you were funnier than he was.

Thanks for visiting,

Keith

livingjetlag said...

I thought "raffling off" was the female equivalent of "foffing off." I also thought Grotto was the bus driver on the Simpsons.

Asiago Yorkshire (blue) Havarti Swiss Meunster Brie!

frilly said...

Hey, that's right, Happy Father's Day Snobbie!

Don't give Snoblet a pass on the first FD gift, sets a bad precedent.

And Jefe, perhaps you could offer up your services & score some points w/Basso's sister.

Marc said...

Say it ain’t so NoGo!!!!

NoGoCyclist admits to Quiz Doping. This is shocking news and tears at the heart of a competition that until now has been based on the honor system. Strict enforcement rules must be put into place to restore the dignity of the Friday Fun Quiz. What’s next? School children cheating on self-graded pop quizzes?

Ant1, the powerpoint alone won’t really convey the full experience. Maybe someone at a remaining BRA stop can make a video recording to share or better yet, someone should organize an online meeting. Surely Chronicle Books can pull that off. Besides, that how we all got here in the first place.

Quicksquirt McHurt said...

I'd hit it.

Anonymous said...

I believe there is a "pre-ride" led by Navtej Singh, heading from Cupertino west to the Barnes & Noble, where they'll try to escort you over....

unless you're going to be driven to downtown SJ.

unfortunately you'll be missing some cool stuff while you're in B&N...

this event tonight is dedicated to all that Phil Wood had done for biking... and also to celebrate all Peter Enright and his team have done... as well as the great bikes from Shorty Fatz.

All of this next to San Jose's own Gordon Biersch Brewery!

Nothing terrifying about all this. Just 2500-3000 riders having a great time tonite!

Anonymous said...

you have a reason to be somewhat terrified. be careful of the drunk brohs yelling BIKE PARRRDDDDAAAYYY, swerving dangerously against oncoming traffic. if you can avoid that, you'll have a blast :)

yofilly said...

Snobby, some advice from a fellow professor. Don't grade the quizzes. Say you spilled your Japanese slow-dripper coffee on them and give everyone an A.

Lovely weekend at the Jersey shore on tap. Gonna go ride my bike. Enjoy, everyone!

sufferist said...

Happy Fizzle Day y'all....

Anonymous said...

Dear Shed Head,

Could you please do a post about the new doorless trend. I must admit that I don't really get what all the fuss is about. I know the hip young shed owners are into the minimalist aspect of it, but it just seems impractical and silly to me. I suppose it makes some sense to have a minimalist shed in an urban centre where it might get stolen and where there isn't much room for opening doors, except that they spend more on these doorless sheds than it would cost for a modest shed with a simple little door. If they are worried about maintenance why not spend those extra dollars on a good quality set of hinges instead of some fashionable but very unnecessary colour coordinated accessory like a retro weather vane painted ironic pink.

I know that these guys have tricky techniques for getting around not having a door, but whenever I see them lifting up the side of their shed to get something out I just think it looks like a complicated waste of energy. If you want simplicity install a door! Please explain Shed Head.

Once again thanks for a great blog! It's the best blog on the internet, heaps better than that over rated Bike Snob.

SHED HEAD RULZ YEAH

ce

Salty and Sore said...

BGW-

mmm...forbidden Mission burritos.

No, really. It sounds tasty!



I need a vacation.

Rummy said...

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Enrico said...

"Embroiled in a sex scandal with the Prime Minister of Italy"

According to who Silvio Berlusconi is there would be nothing strange.

JoAnn Freda said...

What did you think of your San Jose Bike Party ride?

Marian the Librarian said...

Snob - can't believe you passed up Snob Jr.'s first father's day to spend with the likes of us, but we enjoyed your visit to SF and hope you did too. We were part of the SRO crowd and were near your bike, so I just wanted to tell you - although I did fondle your Knog (I couldn't help myself), we were not the ones that defaced it with another sticker.

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob,

Loved seeing you in Seattle; very nice talk. I especially enjoyed the way you led us in chanting "book party....book party...book party" to make sure we outdid your "bike party" the previous night.

Hope you got a chance to take a ride while in Seattle; it wasn't raining for a few minutes.

Yours,
anonymous

bikesgonewild said...

...happy father's day, snobdaddy...

...may you, mommysnob & the new little snobulette enjoy your time back together now that the rigors of the side show carnival of promotion has ended...

rural 14 said...

Ant2nd!!
What is the penalty for loving our new very used bike Friday tandem? Best kid hauler yet. How close to a recumbent is it on the horror scale?

Anonymous said...

RTMS - I loved your choice of the Schmenge Brothers for the photo accompanying the first quiz. All you folks too young to remember them can look them up using a popular search engine and be richly rewarded.

puzzled said...

Anyone seen this compliant crabon ?

Anonymous said...

外遇---偷來的時間、偷來的伴侶、偷來的愛情
或許新鮮刺激,或許瘋狂美好,但這一切,終究是偷來的…
外遇傷害了一個幸福的家庭
或許你會說:問題其實早已存在,外遇並不是傷害的唯一因素
但是內心深處其實你知道,這只是外遇的藉口!
建築在傷害別人之下所得到的愛情,終究難以幸福…

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

bowsprite said...

As a member of the Quick Handpainted Signs Union, I must protest your dismissal of our fine and efficient art. I have just dashed off a protest sign on an envelope that I will put on my bike rack and parade up 8th ave. welcome home.

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