Monday, June 7, 2010

Back in the Saddle: The Unwatched Pot Boils Over

As you may have surmised from the fact that you're reading this now, I have officially returned from my leave of absence. During my leave, I attended to the birth of my child, and while I always make best efforts to divorce my personal affairs from this blog, I will share three facts about my new roommate: 1) He is of the male genderway; 2) He weighs exactly one (1) baby; and 3) He is both vertically and laterally compliant. Also, I would be remiss if I failed to point out that childbirth is truly one of life's greatest miracles--though my "taint" is freaking killing me.

Moving on, I'm also pleased to report that, while my Universal Sports Giro d'Italia blog has concluded along with the Giro itself (spoiler alert: Basso won), I have been hornswoggled into "curating" yet another extracurricular blogular undertaking. This time, I will be a "guest blogger" for the website of the celebrated independent Portland bookseller Powell's. My first post will "drop" sometime today, and the BSNYC/RTMS x Powell's "collabo" will continue until Friday. (I recommend sipping chamomile tea with a raised pinkie as you read my Powell's blog for the full "indie" bookstore experience.)

Meanwhile, in the past week the State of the Cycling Union seems to have slipped beneath "weak" and is now hovering somewhere between "fissiparous" and "moribund." For example, I was amazed to find that this whole "motorized doping" thing seems to be gaining traction, and that it has even made the New York Times:

Granted, this is less indicative of the sorry state of cycling than it is of the sorry state of mainstream journalism, since it appears that the Times is now getting it's cycling sporting news from Boing Boing. One prominent voice in this "controversy" is retired professional Davide Cassani, who, at 50 years old, claims that one of these surreptitiously motorized bicycles would allow him to win a stage at the Giro d'Italia. Clearly, Cassani is making a bold gambit to become to hidden motors what Greg LeMond is to EPO. I personally feel that professional cycling is yet again being singled out unfairly. If the world of sports were truly fair and balanced, people would be just as assiduously investigating rumors that Michael Phelps secreted a Gruber Assist in his anal cavity at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. (Frankly, his claims that those bubbles were caused by flatulence doesn't exactly hold water.)

Similarly shocking to me was just how bad things have become in my own hometown, and I suppose even I have become acclimatized to the absurdity like a lobster sitting in a pot of water on a low flame. Indeed, it took this horrifying Streetfilms "NYC Bike Month Montage" for me to realize that the local "bike culture" has begun to boil over:



This is not to say I didn't learn anything from the video. In fact, I was quite surprised to discover that Streetfilms "curator" and smugmonger-in-chief Clarence Eckerson Jr. may be a closet "freerider":

Granted, he appears to be about 75lbs lighter than the typical long-travel bicycle enthusiast, and he doesn't have a goatee or tribal tattoo, but with the sunglasses and helmet he still looks suspiciously like one of those people you see at the trailhead at Cunningham Park in Queens inflating the tires of their dual suspension bikes with compressors before removing them from the trunk racks of their Xterras.

I was also horrified to learn that at some point New York City played unwitting host to a "David Bowie Dance Ride:"

This is simply something that should not be allowed to happen, and I suspect even the most ebullient Portlander would wince at the prospect. There's just no reason for David Bowie and cycling to come together. In fact, as far as "coming together" and David Bowie are concerned, that's something best left to Iman--and quite possibly Mick Jagger. Still, this evidently did not stop people from dancing in the streets:


Here's one participant who appears to be sporting some kind of nicotine patch on her forehead:

Perhaps she's trying to wean herself off of her addiction to public humiliation.

But Bike Month in New York City isn't just about honoring aging rock stars--it's also about powering fans:


And eating sandwiches:

And still more dancing:

I was also quite pleased to get some "backstory" on a controversy I once covered on this blog. You may recall the woman who boasted about dropping a bunch of recreational cyclists on a leisurely group ride while wearing high heels:

Well, apparently this ride has become the stuff of day-tripper legend, because here's one of the victims recounting the details of that "epic" sightseeing excursion, and it seems he rather enjoyed the beating:

Evidently she's like a dominatrix of Fred-dom.

Indeed, Streetfilms has left no stone of New York City bike-dorkdom unturned, for it even includes scenes from the "New York Bike Jumble:"

I've never attended the "Bike Jumble," partially because it seems like the Craigslist "bikes for sale" section come to life, and partially because I find the word "jumble" off-putting. It just sounds too "folksy" to me, and I avoid "jamborees," "knees-ups," and "hoedowns" for the same reason. However, I now realize I may have made a mistake, because as much as I hate "jamborees" I love watching "hipsters" scrutinize things, and it appears that the "Bike Jumble" featured this in abundance:

There's nothing quite like the woodgrain veneer of expertise over the particle board of cluelessness that is a "hipster" mulling over the inevitable purchase of a lifestyle item. Almost as satisfying though is watching "hipsters" scrutinize maps:

("We better go that way if we want to stay where the white people are.")

Fortunately for them, it's becoming increasingly difficult to escape the growing Brooklyn Gentri-verse, even by accident.

Still, we do not live in a world of absolutes--though I do believe some things are "either/or" propositions. This is especially true when it comes to attire, and ties and bandanas are a perfect example of this:

It's fine to wear a necktie, and even fine to wear a bandana, but under no circumstances should the two ever be worn together. (The same is true of baseball caps and overcoats, flip-flops and wool caps, and of course sleeveless jerseys and arm-warmers.)

Most distressing of all, though, (at least to me) was the fact that I appeared in the video:

Thank goodness I had the foresight to remove my bandana and necktie.

Anyway, after watching the "Bike Month Montage" I needed something to assuage my nerves. As it happens, my collaborator on this NPR piece recently sent me some "vintage" bathroom reading:

I'm sure you'll agree that's a really sweet pie plate. (The spoke protector on that Schwinn isn't too bad either.) Of course, like anybody, I only read vintage Playboys for the vintage articles, and this one had a feature on the "Bike Boom:"


Not only does it include Raleigh Twenty folder and a fine 10-speed:
But it also includes a Bob Jackson track bike:


Alas, who knew back in 1971 that the track bike for track racing would go the way of the full pubic bush?

132 comments:

Adam said...

!

Anonymous said...

what the hell...

Adam said...

Podium!

singlespeedspinning said...

oh yeah

Jonathan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Todd said...

top ten?

Nogocyclist said...

Welcome Back

Anonymous said...

boo yah

Anonymous said...

Top thing!

Jorgé Curiouso. said...

Yeah, but is the baby's bottom bracket beefy?

grog said...

eleven

Ryan Gielow said...

Booyah!

Astroluc said...

oooh... tough pack for a day back!

ken e. said...

welcome back! got naps?

mikeweb said...

Welcome back Daddy-O!

Billy Reid said...

hooray! Snob's back!

Shu-Sin said...

GUAU... top 20?

frilly said...

Not even close--sorry Antoine.

Welcome back Snobby & congrats on snoblet. He's adorable!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the mini snob!! Just had my first 4 months ago. Riding's a rarity now, but oh so worth it.

Ralpy said...

Congrats on the Trike Snob!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Stroller Snob NYC coming soon?

mikeweb said...

I know Milton pretty well, and I'm sure he was more amused by the Fred-dominatrix than put off.

Those Greenway tours are more for slowly spinning in a 42x19 and stopping about every 400 yards or so for some sight seeing than getting in some TT training anyway.

Ralpha said...

Stem shifters on that cover bike? Beurk. Might as well have the model wearing overalls and orthopedic shoes if you want my libido to go the way of my bike lust (velobido?).

McGrath said...

Congratulations, BikeSnob!

hillbilly said...

welcome back, and frilly is right, damn cute little snoblet.

all you haters change my diapers.

Todd said...

I still have nightmares of bush from the time I was 8 and found my grandfather's stash of late 70's Playboys in his garage.

mikeweb said...

Snob, How was the George McGovern interview?

(Spoiler alert: Nixon wins in '72)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Snob on the bambino.

Ciao,
Ivan Bassinette

OBA said...

Mazel Tov!

Mongo Pusher said...

Horner !

Shu-Sin said...

Congratulations and welcome to the club. i expect to see the little bugger on your bike in exactly 1 year.

honkybucket said...

The street films entry was far from the most hideous video you linked to in the post. That distinction goes to the abhorrent Bowie/Jagger collabo and it's not even remotely close.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

innerlighter said...

Congrats to you and Mrs. Snob! Will we be seeing DSNYC (DiaperSnob) entries soon?

Klaus Mohn said...

I have always been firmly in the "genderway" camp, which I find leagues funnier than "genitalway", though they're not quite teh same thing.

LoRoK said...

Good to have you back, and much congratulations on the little guy!

Anonymous said...

Not sure what was most offputting in the streetfilms video: Zozo, the david bowie dance bike ride or the annoying guy at 3:03. on the david bowie dance thing, would it not be a great service to society, a sort of social culling, to frequently hold similar events and round up and ship off the pathetic attention seeking freaks that show up off some blighted landmass in the hinter regions, away from the rest of society? Oh wait, I guess that what's brooklyn is for. Snap.

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

Congrats!

Do not let him/her ride in Oregon without a helmet though!!!!

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2010/03/31/calgary-oregon-noah-kirkman-foster-custody.html

ant1 said...

leroy - thanks for remembering.

AYPFCSMB

(all you pre Frilly commenters...)

Adrian said...

Congratulations on your nascent Nu Fred.. I just bought the book , there should be enough royalties for you from that for you to buy a small box of Pampers.

Bob Cox said...

Congratulations on the new arrival young man. Well done. And very good to see you back again.

sherpa said...

congrats on the son!! they are wonderful. soon you'll be going to his races and trying to cat down a level. ;-)

Thee Punk Rock Chef said...

OK, hang on a minute. I know hipster-bashing is all the rage here and everything but your hipster brush seems pretty freakin giant. I mean, a guy in a Moog t-shirt and lugging a Chrome bag is a hipster? Don't you mean "dork?" Or does "hipster" just mean "anybody I don't like," which I'm cool with (I don't like a lot of people myself but I usually call them "Republicans"). Maybe I need a definition of hipster to work with, if one has been provided in the past please excuse.

Tony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Name said...

Dear punk rock chef,

A good one has been provided just now.

Anonymous said...

What do Brooklyn and pantyhose have in common?





Flatbush

Jefe said...

Michael Moore choked on a throat lozenge after reading your Powell's blog. Luckily, Phil Knight was nearby to whack him on the back with some Air Jordans. Maybe now Moore will make that expose on fixie culture that you kept trying to get green-lighted.

RatherBeBiking said...

I consider any label a success provided I am not mistaken for a homeless person or skinhead.

JTK said...

Bold move working Playboy in to your first post as a family man... love it. No signs of slowing down.

Congratulations on the wee snob. Enjoy!

TJ Eckleburg said...

Congrats on your son Snobby.

Thanks for the Cunningham Park and the David Bowie.

Bilbo Baguette said...

Dear BSNYC,

I am bummered for a number of reasons but primarily because I wanted to be a part of your book club. Sadly, while you were in New York, I was in Texas. When you're in Austin, I'll be in Portland. And when you visit Portland, I will be in Colorado. I feel like we should have planned this better. Anywho, congrats on the reproduction thing, sounds pretty cool.

Your reader,
Christopher

Anonymous said...

If we want to stay where the white people are, we should go to Powell's City of Books. Congratulations.

theshepherdsdog said...

happy to have you back snob.

Cyclopath said...

Welcome back, congratulations.

Your taint will recover. My wife & I are about to have number two so it's not so bad..

Salty Seattle said...

Congrats, Snobbie!

Anonymous said...

oh, by the way...

While you were gone, Dennis Hopper died.

Not joking.

Anonymous said...

It is kind of poetic:

"With one hand the loard doeth giveth (a new little snob), and with the other he-th taketh away-eth (the Hopper)."

Salty Seattle said...

Uhmmm.. gosh, am I ever embarassed.

Yes. It happens to me too.

Okay, so I've been trying to get back on my New Years' resolution, and clean up my act, but then this...thing... had to happen in professional cycling.

Yes. He's motorized. And Yes, I call him Spartacus. But can someone please tell the Cycling Union that IT'S NOT 'THE' FABIAN CANCELLARRA?

(and I thought that explaining this to the TSA person searching my luggage was as far as this needed to go.)

Now, back to missing deadlines... Phew!

theshepherdsdog said...

and congratulations to you and your wife

Marc said...

RTMS,

Welcome back. Congratulations.

The folks over at Surly need to get busy on a mean tricycle. You should be able to pull some strings, right?

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob, Congratulations to you and Mrs. Snob; Happy Birthday to your son !

Anonymous said...

"Don't forget to put some food on the Hopper's table"

Anonymous said...

a "hipster" mulling over the inevitable purchase of a lifestyle item.

well, I have a quattro assi, and I bought it new, pre-irony

Anonymous said...

wow, no wonder you keep your identity private. sight for sore eyes..yeesh.

grog said...

PAPA SNOB
NICE WORK
WLCM BACK
RIDE SAFE

I am the engine said...

Glad to have you back. The question, is, does your new roommate have a beefy bottom bracket?

Anonymous said...

yup, one of the worstest

portland anonymous said...

congratulations on mini-bsncy from portland...all of us!

I am the engine. said...

I should have read the comments before commenting. Jorge beat me to it, and was close to the podium girls. Is is wednesday weed day yet?

streepo said...

Congrats on the little snob!!
Is Helen Thomas invited to the bris?
I'm sure she would enjoy that.

John said...

Mozel Tov Snobby, Mozel Tov

Quicksquirt McHurt said...

I'd hit it.

Konstantin said...

congrats on the baby! will you be discussing trends in the children's cycling scene in the near future?

Norman said...

The rear wheel on that Bob Jackson track bike is topologically impossible.

Norman said...

Also, congratulations on successfully reproducing!

E Lowe said...

Congratulations BabySnobNYC!

George Not Hincapie said...

Congrats on the birth of your son. I have five children and some good advise; get rid of the monkey...

Manic Monday said...

Congrats Snobby and Snobette!!

It's a very good thing this kid stuff, enjoy your life...

mander said...

Snob, huge congratulations, and thanks as usual for the great post.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Snob

Thanks for writing this.

I used to worship a rotund liberal documentary maker, until I saw the documentary that was made about him, himself. In it, he depicted his sadistic treatment of one of his assistants as 'humorous'. I was baffled. Like some neophyte who learns that Tori Amos does not actually have fairy wings.

It was one of many occasions where I learned the difference between idealism and reality. The other many occasions were trying to actually live on a bicycle in a real american city, and noticing the sharp contrast between 'idealized' bicycling and the roadkill strewn sewer grated path of truth. Which I guess is what brought me to this blog in the first place.

Anyways, keep up the good work. And If I have mistaken the identiy of the rotund documentary film makers, I am sorry.

PawnShop said...

Topologically impossible? Not even close, but tacky - with the spokes crossing over the valve. The road bike lacing is almost another matter - 1/3 radial & 2/3 crossing yields that stylish result, as impractical as 24-spoke road wheels would have been with early '70s rims.

AYHCMS ( All You Haters Count My Spokes )

Anonymous said...

PS congratulations on the baby!!!!!

Whiner said...

"Jumble" is a British term. like "boot sale" which may or may not feature boots for sale.

Here's a bold (and all caps) statement: THIS IS AMERICA!

Is "swap meet" not novel enough for today's event promoter?

I blame the the intertubes for this dilution of American English.

I guess direct communication is just too dull. And probably that Jack Thurston's show is too influential.

Anonymous said...

RTMS Congrats on the BABY SNOB

bikesgonewild said...

...sheesh...the kid's practically old news at this point & you guys are just getting around to the congrats ???...

...hell...i just read a newly published book: 'bikesnobulette: reflections...the early days'...edited by a guy named eban weiss...

...lotta stuff like "why was that woman i now know as mommysnob trying so hard to squeeze me out...i was quite comfortable where i was, thank you very much !!!"...

..."if your such a big-shot in the bike world, snobdaddy, why wasn't there a bike w/ training wheels waiting at my 'coming out' party ???...

..."i hope you're not thinking of procreating again 'cuz i quite enjoy this 'feeling special' top step on the podium thingy"...

..."hey, look...you've got cute socks too, snobdaddy...what does 'dopers suck' mean ???"
...

...well, i'll stop 'cuz i don't wanna spoil your enjoyment when you can find a copy...i hear there'll be a book signing once the kid perfects his scribble...

Anonymous said...

congrats on the baby, may he be blessed with your wife's looks.

fierce panties said...

top 100

fierce panties said...

100!

Anonymous said...

"genderway" vs. "genitalway"

I'm pretty sure snob got it right. The male/female question is indeed "genderway." I think "genitalway" would be answered with a mushroom/turtleneck answerway.

Really, I don't want to know-way.

Keith Hearn said...

Congratulations on the new Extracycle cargo!

Looking forward to seeing you when you're here at the Googleplex.

I am the engine said...

I had that bike, not in 1971 fortunately. You know it is all about the top tube, how is the new kids top tube?

Tori Amos does not have fairy wings?
This can not be true, I demand proof.

flynn said...

Congrats on the baby, Snob. May his R-Sys training wheels be of the non-exploding variety.

M. Moore said...

Fuck you, asshole.

Anonymous said...

Congrats, Snobby. Well done.

"There's nothing quite like the woodgrain veneer of expertise over the particle board of cluelessness that is a "hipster" mulling over the inevitable purchase of a lifestyle item." Classic.

Anonymous said...

THE HIPSTER said:
Got a fixie for the rugrat yet?

ben said...

fwiw, clarence asked me to check out the frame for a few seconds so he could shoot some footage.

also, the moog shirt came free with my moogerfooger cp-251 circuit box (definitely a nerd).

sufferist said...

Mr. Snob:

Now we have another thing in common, aside from a love of Shed Culture, now that you have replicated yourself.

-Sufferist

Jen said...

You leave us for a week, and a once-paunchy liberal documentary filmmaker announces that he is separating from his wife of 40 years.

Coincidence? Or proof that you have the gravitational pull of one of the larger moons of Jupiter?

Amauri Martins said...

Congrats on the baby man! Hope he don't grow up to be a hipster, who knows what the future will bring us! Just kidding.

My best regards!

portlander said...

Far from snubbing a David Bowie ride... Portland has had a Bowie vs. Prince mobile dance party bike ride during Pedalpalooza for several years.

This year's Bowie vs. Prince ride is June 11. http://shift2bikes.org/cal/viewpp2010.php#June11

To Long for Honey Bucket said...

The most interesting part of the Video to me was the woman with the patch on her head. The patch made you wonder what is up with her, no doubt, but the interesting part was her statement "Suffragette City." For some reason I did not realize that she was simply saying the name of a song by David Bowie, and wondered why in the twenty first century in America, she felt it necessary to talk about the suffragette movement?

I searched for "Suffragette City" and found pages about the song. Searching further why David Bowie sang about the suffragette movement, I found out that Suffragette City is simply a part of London where much of Britain's fight for women to have the right to vote occurred.

The great significance of the woman saying "Suffragette City" was it was the name of a David Bowie song. The significance of David Bowie using the term "Suffragette City" was it was a historical part of London that the writer of the song probably just liked the name of.

Why even include this in a video about bicycles. I believe they included it for no better reason than the woman saying it with the patch on her head was interesting.

Part Two coming soon to this comment section: The history of the Bicycle was an important part of the suffragette movement.

This historical significance of bicycle deserves to be remembered, not to be relegated to an inadvertent mention in a song lyric.

Nogocyclist said...

Women on Wheels: The Bicycle and the Women’s Movement of the 1890s explains how the bicycle was a major tool in the American Suffragette Movement.

From the Article: "Cycling in the 1890s was nothing less than 'a general intoxication, an eruption of exuberance like a seismic tremor that shook the economic and social foundations of society and rattled the windows of its moral outlook.' 2 Nowhere was this more evident than in the role of the bicycle in the changing lives of American women. Indeed, the woman’s movement of the 1890s and the cycling craze became so inextricably intertwined that in 1896 Susan B. Anthony told the New York World’s Nellie Bly that bicycling had 'done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world.' 3 "

I respect the opinion of Susan B. Anthony as being authoritative on the fight for the right to vote for women.

If she said that bicycling had "done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world" I truly believe the bicycle was an important part of this movement.

All advocates for the bicycle should know at least the simple facts of this part of our history.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

(Frankly, his claims that those bubbles were caused by flatulence doesn't exactly hold water.)

Ahem.

Heartfelt congratulations to you three.

Nogocyclist said...

Daddy Snob,

In your absence, I filled much of my time I would have spent reading your blog, coming up with ideas for clothing for Baby Snob.

If Momma Snob did not like any of my creations, I apologize. I will blame it on my boredom.

I congratulated you in the previous comment section. If you missed it, Congratulations on a great looking son. May he grow up to appreciate the bicycle as much as his dad apparently has.

Nogo

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Gosh, that is a handsome fellow!

Penn said...

Welcome back!

Marie said...

Congratulations on the baby! How exciting. May he grow healthy & strong.
"(I recommend sipping chamomile tea with a raised pinkie as you read my Powell's blog for the full "indie" bookstore experience.)"
Since the indie bookstore is Powells, I recommend espresso instead, perhaps with some tattooed anarchists, instead of the chamomile. Or a good micro beer.

cyclegoddess said...

That surly big dummy ought to be about the right size to cart the wee ones nappys, when you want to take him for a hours jaunt!

cyclegoddess said...

Queen of Mountains, OZ!
Yay! If you get up at 3 am to do some feeds, I can be the Podium for once!!

Geoff said...

Congratulations on the baby Snob!

CommieCanuck said...

Congrats Snob, soon , you will be enjoying the wonderful tri-fixed culture. All you haters suck my cuteness. Then you will be amazed at just how heavy they can make a bike with a 10" frame.

When's Jr getting his first knuckle tats?

APPL JUCE

Thee Punk Rock Chef said...

Ben: nothing personal, that's really my point--just because you get caught looking at a certain bike frame--BAM! yer a hipster and you will NOT be invited to the party. Personally, I prefer the weirdos, misfits, outcasts, nerds...even if they wear uniforms.

Lantern Rouge said...

"genderway" vs. "genitalway"

I'm pretty sure snob got it right. The male/female question is indeed "genderway." I think "genitalway" would be answered with a mushroom/turtleneck answerway.

Freakin' hilarious...
It's stuff like this that keeps me coming back!

Blaiser said...

Hey Congrats on Ace Jr., Ace. Have you perfected the art of the ironic swaddle?

Kate said...

Congrats on the new roommate!

jnorton said...

Welcome back. Congrats on successfully breeding. Now that you've been unmasked, the horrible truth about bsnyc is that you strongly resemble--in mien and tone--David Duchovny. Which isn't a bad thing.

Anonymous said...

I hate to break it to you, but NYC copied that Bowie dance ride from Portland, where a 'Bowie vs. Prince' dance ride has been an annual feature of Pedalpalooza since 2008.

http://www.shifttobikes.org/cal/viewpp2008.php#20-85

the bike dork said...

Congratulations Mr Snob enjoy the life.

Anonymous said...

Be afraid. Be very afraid. http://www.shift2bikes.org/cal/view3week.php#11-1552

michael b said...

Congrats on the wee one. Please leave his willy intact...!
Don't expect the little guy to want to ride a bike as soon as he can walk. Mine liked the Chariot trailer, then the tag-along, too much. He now refuses to learn to ride. Why pedal when you can get pulled around?
Such is the life of a parent...

Prince Nikka said...

Hi,Dear
Very nice and marvelous post about all impressive............
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livingjetlag said...

You know your kid is going to grow up and be a hipster just to spite you. Either that, or he'll embrace recumbentism...

TroisV said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TroisV said...

Congratulations from the Trois Vs mascot!

I hope that Rapha have sent a bunch of bespoke nappies ('diapers')

http://troisv.blogspot.com/

Kids Parties Calgary said...

Hi
Wish that you will win this cycle race.

spacemodular said...

I guess you're not as special as Zozo... better luck next time Snob!

Grats on the boy! I have been enjoying mine for the past 9 years!

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fixie bikes said...

it's always amusing watching someone boil over.