Friday, May 14, 2010

BSNYC Post-Wednesday Boondoggle!

You may recall that, earlier this month, some lunatic attempted to detonate a Nissan Pathfinder in Times Square. Well, ever since then the NYPD has been vigilant with regard to motor vehicles--not to the extent that they will bother to clear them from bike lanes, mind you, but just enough that they will close down a street if a car contains something combustible. Such was the case last night, when authorities descended upon a car containing what turned out to be landscaping supplies:

To me, the real surprise here was not that the car turned out to be innocuous, but rather that the Buzzcocks not only still exist but are apparently also touring. In any case, in the spirit of hyper-awareness bordering on paranoia, I've also been on the lookout for suspicious vehicles, though I've been focussing primarily on bicycles. Here's one that appears to be up to no good:

Here in New York City, we regularly encounter potholes that can be as many as 20 sunglasses wide, and such a pothole can gobble up a tiny front wheel like Rottweiler swallowing a tic-tac. One day, I fully expect to see the rear end of one of these bikes sticking out from a hole in the middle of Broadway, along with a pair of wildly-flailing legs. Still, for some reason, people continue to covet pursuit bikes for street use--despite the fact that, as I've pointed out before, they look like those old Terrys. Maybe one day the male "fixerati" will embrace the Terry and brag about how their bikes have "sick woman-specific geometry."

I also recently came across this bicycle:


What aroused my suspicion in this case was the saddle, for despite the "colourway" I'm pretty certain the owner is not a world champion--unless the UCI has finally sanctioned some kind of "tarck world championships." Also, I had no idea that Aerospokes were not only still in fashion, but also now come in "pea soup."

Soon, though, the tables were turned and my own bicycle came under suspicion. As I mentioned, Surly have lent me a "Big Dummy" (as well as a cargo bicycle to haul this drooling, blathering lummox around with as he is too stupid to walk) and as I sat near it recently I watched as a gentleman, seemingly oblivious to my presence, began eyeing it with considerable interest:

This in itself was not unusual--I'm sure I would also stop to look at such a bicycle--but things started getting a bit strange when he kneeled next to it and fondled the bare canti studs on the fork like he was milking a pair of bovine nipples or trying to tune in WSOU radio. I suppose he was just trying to figure out what purpose they served, but from my angle I must say it looked rather odd.

Incidentally, perhaps the surest sign of spring--surer, even, than a man trying to milk a bicycle--is the handlebar-mounted transistor radio blaring the ballgame:

Yes, despite the fact that the rider is dressed for a Minneapolis winter, I can assure you that it is indeed springtime in New York City, and here is the radio in greater detail just in case you found yourself distracted by the reflective strips:


While you're liable to see a person riding a hybrid bicycle and listening to the ballgame anywhere, only in Brooklyn will you find that rider being drafted by an Orthodox Jew on Rollerblades:


Furthermore, only in Brooklyn will the "radio Fred" and the Rollerblading Orthodox Jew chase down a second Orthodox Jew on a mountain bike:

Add to that a dorky bike blogger riding a Surly Big Dummy and dangling off the back and you've got a pretty good picture of a typical evening in Prospect Park.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see messengers.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the weekend.


--BSNYC/RTMS





(Girbecco, creepy pagan mascot of the Giro d'Italia)

1) Formerly the "Maglia Ciclamino," the Giro d'Italia points competition leader's jersey is now the:

--Maglia Rosso Passione
--Maglia Martini & Rossi Asti Spumante
--Maglia Perini Scleroso
--Maglia Quattro Formaggi





(Letle Viride's seminal first album)

3) Why is Levi "Letle Viride" Leipheimer a favorite to win the Tour of California, which starts this Sunday?







9) Which celebrity does not appear in an "epic" video good luck message to Levi Leipheimer, produced by Road ID?





(It's true, I read it on the Internet.)

XVI) In addition to "ass cancer," brakeless riding can cause your face to peel off and your body to catch fire.






("Don't make a fuss. I'm just plain 'Yogurt.'")


9) "It's about freaking time!" In which city can you now visit a "fixed gear boutique and yoghurt bar?"







2) This bicycle was spotted by a reader in:






∞) A bicycle-themed tampon commercial? It must be "Bike Month!"

--True


***Special "Vintage" Bicycle-Themed Bonus Question***

This bicycle includes which surprising element?



88 comments:

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

booyah!

ant1 said...

and three?

ant1 said...

dominating

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

g said...

stop the madness!

Nogocyclist said...

Oh No Ant1 sweep the Pφdíúm.

Nogocyclist said...

ant1,
Have you bribed Google? I was out of the competition because I had to sign on 4 times before google would let me leave a comment.

Only second time it has done that, and the past time was only two or three days ago.

Anonymous said...

the ant man with nothing better to do. Right on.

João Faustino said...

Top Ten!?? I have applesauce!

ant1 said...

no google bribing. i've just changed my training methods, i you know what i mean.

ant1 said...

i = if

fierce panties said...

top 20

Shu-Sin said...

didn't slip into pink!

mikeweb said...

That's what I call 'full gas'.

ant1
PP
g

very nice podium today, with nogocyclist in there too!

Jen said...

ant1s in the pant1s

mikeweb said...

Snob,

judging from where the Big Dummy is parked, I'd say you were at Video Free Brooklyn. Perhaps dropping off a VHS copy of 'Heathers' before picking up some beading supplies next door.

Dave said...

Ooh, la, la - She can rosso my passione any time.

g said...

I dunno, I find myself tweaking just about anything that looks like a nipple, but not in front of the children. Disturbing indeed!

Jaska said...

Sweet-- nice unintended shout out to Finnish TV on the messenger clit.

ant1 said...

Dave - for reals. i wish my win today entitled me to slip into her rosso passione.

Anonymous said...

good luck Levi! who the fuck is levi?

Bad Lawyer said...

I so nailed the quiz today! Especially the weird disembodied hand, speaking as one with a weird disembodied hand.

hillbilly said...

well done ant1. have a good weekend everyone and steer clear of road furniture.

MP said...

SMELL THE GLOVE

Nogocyclist said...

mikeweb, I did not make the podium. Being discriminated against by Google is like having a flat tire. Just part of the racing.

ant1 took the podium fair and square (unless bribery really was employed.)

Nitram said...

The awe with which New Yorkers regard Big Dummies is amusing. Here in Minneapolis, you can't get within five blocks of a food co-op without seeing one or two of them.

ringcycles said...

Former hipster's lament,
"I used to bust wicked skids"
Bend over and cough.

Jefe said...

Thank goodness that video had subtitles.

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

sully said...

How could levi not win with the support of Janean Garoffalo.I like the last picture w the disembodied hand especially the sternum extractor stem.Another tool to eliminate the fixiedouches from the road. Last night I saw one in all black no lights or reflectors wearing big headphones on his brand new fixie.He mind as well had a sign saying run me over but that would be visible.I love the things these idiots do to stay cool.Give it time, they'll be off the road in one form or another.

Anonymous said...

an orthodox fred
who prays to heal ass cancer
is a biking mensch

wolfie said...

ben stiller's got to be a nitwit, j barfarolo's bf.

wolfie said...

ben stiller's got to be a nitwit, j barffalo's bf. sad

Koba said...

PEA SOUP
BZCKSBMB

Paul Bowen said...

I'll forgive you for not believing me if all you've seen is that clip but (Mel) Smith (the fat one) and (Griff Rhys) Jones (the other one) were capable of being sublimely funny at times. Jones is an odd fish - used to see him walking around the West End talking to himself. Not muttering, proper loud talk/shouting - this was well before hands-free phones came out.

Anyhoo, got the book today! Is it the first one in England? Probably not. Only read the intro so far but I have to say what a lovely looking book it is, hats off to Chronicle.

Anyone else with a copy suffer from sticker removal anxiety? I know they'd look great in the wild, but while they're in the book I know they're safe, and I can look after them properly and they'll always be safe, and shiny.

Koba said...

@Paul: as per BSNYC's advice not to find one's possession's so precious and "soulful" as to never use them for their intended use, i proudly tout my stickers on a non-essential component - rear cargo rack - which are of course hidden from view when cargo is actually on it, which is always.

Keith said...

Snob,

I couldn't find your email so I'm posting here. My coworker Chuck has been working on his bike, and I would like you to comment on it.

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7912/photo1tpf.jpg

Keith

ant1 said...

the seatstays could use a break lever, imho

Anonymous said...

how many WPM can that surly type? i think it's late with the TPS reports.

Daddo said...

yes I will buy you tampons if you go out with me...


...at the end of next week.

Paul Bowen said...

Thanks Koba. I'll think about it.

Daddo said...

lets all comment on it...
me first...

I don't think the bars are set right

yofilly said...

A lovely weekend here in the Northeast to ride one's bike. With or without antlers. Only two wrong on the quiz. A personal best.

Enjoy the weekend! Go Levi!

Udder said...

The Brooklyn brand bike with the world championship striped seat clearly belongs to a strong rider. Note the double toe clip straps to prevent a shoe slip out in the finishing sprint.

frilly said...

The basket is nice. Put a topper on it & I bet at least two cats could fit in there.

Stevil said...

I always do better when I start from the bottom. (Rim shot.) Neither pun intended.

frilly said...

Go Chris Horner!

As much as I dislike the Shack & I think Horner can be a whiney mf'er, he's still on good form. And is more deserving of it than lil' Levi, so far this season anyway.

Anonymous said...

what is on the back of the big dummy? that you partially sentenceway. In your
blogway.

Salty Seattle said...

As a lifelong fan of balls--and sports involving them, I had a difficult time interpreting the following:

"only in Brooklyn will you find that rider being drafted by an Orthodox Jew on Rollerblades"

For a full minute, (okay 45 seconds of that were dedicated to ramping up my Friday brain to understanding the vocabulary,) I was trying to understand a reference to creating a team for a new form of multicultural, urban roller-cricket. Just before I went into a freakout, I remembered race-related drafting. Oops.

Speaking of misreading, is anyone else finding themselves doing a double-take when pulling up that other "blog-shaped object"? I keep reading it as Groin Insider, somehow.

Probably time for eye check.

Fred said...

Horner is definitely in the Jens Voigt School of Good Human Beings, as far as I'm concerned.

But man, it would be really, really cool if Saxo would ride for Jens this year. Lord knows he deserves it.

He is the anti-Fred.

hillbilly said...

keith, don't trust Chuck, he is a lefty, no?

bikesgonewild said...

...pink slips & amgen gold jerseys to ant1 for an outstanding podium that can be savored all weekend...

...& i hope yesterday's "anon 1:07pm" who slammed ant1 is wearing his "i'm a little bitch" t-shirt today while he soaks in the comments...

...just sayin'...

...although letle viride has strong support in the form of radio slack, this is gonna be a different & better race this year by virtue of the fact that everyone has 'month of may' miles in their legs, not the february flounders of the past...

7sp said...

All Big Dummy/FreeRadical owners name their vehicles. There's no use denying it, so please tell us what you call yours.

I just went with "Dude Magnet", myself.

cheva said...

also now come in "pea soup." ewww, stick to the veal.
and
"Tampon for what?"

Awesome.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, consider yourself lucky that you did not run head-first into a metaphorical bike path Turducken.

jimmynuetron said...

The big dummy does get tons of looks, my friend has one and people really do check it out. It's just odd to me, because it's ugly looking and dorky, what's so special about a 4 foot wheel base and a rack? A Cargo tricycle is much more interesting.

George Not Hincapie said...

A pox on the helmetless!

Miss Muff said...

I might expose my voluptuous breasts to oncoming traffic, but I would never go helmetless, unless I wanted an orgasm.

Salty Seattle said...

Muff-

Really? Try harder.

No, really.

cyclotourist said...

LEGF LAIL

BUZZ COCK

agent detroit said...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/agentdetroit/66289131/

cyclegoddess said...

Frilly,
oh no! Not cats. Id say maybe a pug puppy and a pomeranian!!


I cant stop thinking of what kinds of wounds you'd get, crashing and falling on those antlers. Yikes.

Anonymous said...

smith and jones ride biopace!
come to think of it, when will chari and co. sell biopace?

Anonymous said...

Those ridiculous Jews are DROPPING the Snob! Hilarious!

organ donor said...

doesn't the state already already issue a laminated i.d. card? road i.d. must be the most successful company ever off a product that one might scratch together themselves in 15 seconds on the back of a used receipt with a dull broken pencil.

Miss Muff said...

Is that all you boys ever think about, getting harder?


I think I just had an orgasm.

leroy said...

Friday AM cool
Friday PM, not so much.
Thermal tights: wrong choice.

Anonymous said...

+ + + for the Perini Scleroso reference.

theshepherdsdog said...

that hand IS eerie

10,000 Aches said...

Snob,

Is your numbering getting more erratic? Better save the WW for Wednesday.

GIRO KEWL

Sarah P said...

First!!

Sarah P said...

Just had an ironic and iconic buffalo burger for lunch, tasty!!

Thee Punk Rock Chef said...

Damn right the Buzzcocks still exist and they still put on a kickin show. You should've checked them out when they were in NYC.

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Just had an ironic and iconic buffalo burger for lunch, tasty!!

Merrillmmxt said...

ant1s in the pant1s