Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's a Zen Thing: What's the Sound of No Brakes Stopping?

As I mentioned on a popular "social network" recently, I will be visiting a number of cities in support of my forthcoming book (which finally "descends" in May). Furthermore, Chronicle, the publishers of this book, have created a "webular site" where you can go to find out where these visits will take place as well as contact Chronicle and bug them for stuff. It's worth noting that, after years of "curating" my own blog, this marks the first time I have been associated with a website that looks in any way professional:
Don't let the veneer of legitimacy mislead you, though; I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Really, it's all a pretense for taking a low-budget whirlwind tour of America's "Hipster Belt," and here are the places I'll be visiting:

(I wanted to go to Portland, ME, but Chronicle insisted on Portland, OR.)

As for what will actually take place at these "appearances," I'm not quite sure, though I do assure you I will not simply sit there and read out loud from the book like real authors do, since that's about as interesting as watching a chef read aloud from his recipes. At at least one of these events (the Bike New York one on May 2nd), I will be more than happy to top off your tires for you. Also, I realize I'm missing a bunch of important and vibrant cultural hubs (you may have noticed there's no Intercourse, PA or Banff, Canada) but please don't blame me for the omission. If anything, blame your local ordinances which restrict the keeping of monkeys as pets, because I don't go anywhere without my helper monkey, Vito. (Cleveland calls it a "health code;" I call it government-sanctioned discrimination.)

Speaking of Vito, you may have noticed that "hipster cyst" magnates Knog (who take the "Euro" approach to web design by blasting loud music on their site, so beware) are actually sponsoring my book tour. I'm sincerely grateful to them for helping to make this possible, though most of their support is going towards Vito's lavish tour rider:
Success has clearly gone to his simian cranium. In any case, I want to thank Chronicle and Knog for the organization and support, and I'm very much looking forward to getting the hell out of New York for awhile. I hope to meet at least some of you along the way, and I'll endeavor to make the whole experience as enjoyable for everybody as possible (short of providing anything illegal).

Moving on, you may recall that not too long ago I created a submission for The New Yorker's Cartoon Caption Contest, of which I was rather proud:
Well, I just received the new issue, and I was so enraged by how lame the winning submission was that I almost threw the magazine to the floor and left the bathroom altogether:
Oh, how droll, Lynn.

Eventually, though, I got a handle on my rage (thank goodness for towel racks) and decided instead to channel it towards coming up with a new submission. Here's the latest cartoon:

Once again, I had to do a little additional artwork (this time in the form of a suggestive protuberance in the walrus's crotchal region) but I honestly think I nailed it:
Sure, there's a gratuitous highbrow literary reference, but it's mostly funny because the walrus is using a book to secret his erection. Also, it's relatable. Really, who hasn't been caught in a state of arousal while reading a classic?

Anyway, pending my June foray into America's urban playgrounds, I'm still stuck here in New York City, where this spring there seems to be more (and more varied kinds of) cyclists than ever before. This is a good thing. However, with this proliferation comes "accidents," and this is obviously a bad thing. Yesterday in particular was a bad day for cyclists (and pedestrians) in New York, as you can see from this Transportation Alternatives press release:

While I generally prefer to inhabit a fantasy world in which walruses "pop boners" while reading Melville, the fact is that it's important once in awhile to reflect on tragedy. Most of us have experienced misfortune on our bicycles (as well as off of our bicycles), and I have nothing but sympathy for the victims. However, I also disagree that "The only way out of this chaos is through safer streets and safer drivers sharing the roads." Yes, we need both of these things, but we also need safer cyclists riding their bikes--and by "safer cyclists" I don't mean people wearing helmets. In the absence of smart riding, wearing a helmet makes you about as safe as wearing a knitted beverage coaster or a pointy party hat makes you "right." It's not the hat that matters; it's what you do under it that's important, and it may amaze some people to learn that you can even be "safe" (or even "right") without wearing anything on your head at all. Furthermore, while we undoubtedly need safer drivers, we also cannot drive people's cars for them, and so the most important thing by far is to operate the vehicle over which we do have complete control as expertly as possible.

This is not to imply in any way that any of these victims were at fault. However, from what I do see on a daily basis, there are a lot of riders who seem to want to completely outsource responsibility for their own well-being to the world at large. For example, yesterday, just as I was about to turn onto the Williamsburg Bridge, I heard shouting and a "scraping" sound. Seconds later, a rider on a brakeless fixed-gear appeared, his flat tire half off the rim. Here he is as the does the "Brakeless Fixie-Fail Portage of Shame:"

Now, I don't know if he flatted while attempting to stop, or he flatted first and had to perform an emergency stop as a result, but judging from the shouting and the scraping he was not in control of his bicycle. People can debate how effectively you can stop a brakeless fixed-gear bicycle all they want, but the truth is that having your ability to slow your bike depend almost entirely on the integrity of your rear tire is ridiculous. Tires go flat all the time, and without warning. Riding your bike without being prepared for a flat (not to mention a clueless pedestrian or driver entering your path) is like going to a whorehouse without a condom. This guy could have been wearing three helmets and it wouldn't have helped him stop any quicker (just like wearing three helmets to a whorehouse won't protect him from getting syphilis).

Incidentally, you may also have noticed the rider on the tall bike:

The fact that a tall bike incidentally entered my field of vision while I watched all of this has nothing to do with safety; rather, it simply underscores just how "flambullient" spring cycling in New York City has become. At this point, it's barely even noteworthy to see a brakeless flat-tire panic stop, a tall bike, a "Beautiful Godzilla," and a commuter on a comically tiny folding bike all at the same time. Words like "circus" and "carnival-like atmosphere" are bandied about very liberally these days, but when it comes to the Williamsburg Bridge in springtime they barely approximate the absurdity. Really, "psychedelic clusterfuck" is the only phrase that comes close. (Actually, I'm pretty sure the guy on the tall bike plays bass in "Psychedelic Clusterfuck.")

Speaking of "Beautiful Godzillas," they were also evident yesterday in abundance. Here's one with a Marc Jacobs bag (Marc Jacobs bags are to "Beautiful Godzillas" what Chrome bags are to "fakengers") who did not pause from her cellphone conversation for even a moment:

And here's a variant of the "Beautiful Godzilla:"

As you can see, she has somehow enlisted a gentleman to shuttle her about on his bicycle while she engages in a cellphone conversation. And engage she did--I was behind them for quite awhile, during which time the conversation showed no signs of slowing:

I always just assumed that "Beautiful Godzillas" abandoned bicycles as soon as they found men with German convertibles, but I suppose there are some who instead latch on to another cyclist in mid-flight, like mating dragonflies. That could be why this guy in the yellow Porsche Boxter, despite being total "Beautiful Godzilla" bait, is all alone:

There was once a time in New York City that a man driving a convertible Porsche along Avenue A and blasting jazz flute at top volume (as he most certainly was) would be lucky to survive. That time is long gone. I guess this is what they mean by "livable streets."

By the way, it is convertible weather in many parts of the country, but that does not mean that some crabon fiber bicycle owners are finished fretting about the cold:

What is it about crabon that turns people into feverish, hand-wringing worrywarts? If they're not worrying about the heat melting it, then they're worried about the cold cracking it. I suppose this was understandable back in the '90s, when the material was relatively new to cycling and people on "rec.bicycles.tech" used to prophesy that all those newfangled carbon forks would all spontaneously combust (in reality only some of them did), but I would think that 15 years on people would have gained a little perspective. Somehow, though, crabon still manages to elicit from people the sort of materialism-based pain and suffering that Buddhists warn people about--for as the Buddha himself said, "Mo' money, mo' problems." It makes you wonder why they buy it in the first place.

Perhaps one day someone will harness the awesome fear-inducing properties of crabon to make people ride more cautiously. Until then, I guess they'll just keep strapping on helmets, riding without brakes, and hoping for the best.

136 comments:

Nogocyclist said...

Horray! Made it under the 23:59:59 cut off.

Hey where are the Photographs of the US Postal Team?

I don't think this is the Post Office. Wrong Race. No time to read the post, I got to go call my accountant. Now.

Nogocyclist said...

Second

Anonymous said...

two!

Nogocyclist said...

Top Three

Nogocyclist said...

Meh!

Nogocyclist said...

Five?

mikeweb said...

Vito's ESL classes look to be paying off!

Anonymous said...

yAH

Joe B said...

Not coming to the #1 cycling city in the country? For shame...

Paul Bowen said...

Top 10?!

landis in 06 said...

taxfree

JRT said...

Typical New Yorker just assumes that little provincial Boston will drive to NYC to see him. Seriously no Boston? What a douche. Love ya though.

David Dawson said...

top 15...boo.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Joe B and JRT,

I know--but really, if you think about it, it's amazing they're sending some douchey bike dork blogger anywhere at all.

--BSNYC

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Alicia said...

Beautiful godzilla? That's really lame. I"m glad you didn't come up with it.

JRT said...

Whose the douchey bike dork? I'm going to travel to see you in one of those cities!

innerlighter said...

OY!

Anonymous said...

Typical New Yorker also flies over the Midwest to big cities like Austin. You need a better marketing team.

Anonymous said...

Time cut?

erik k said...

Bikesnob I'm also bummed your not coming to Boston, but I'll be in new york that weekend anyways.

Anonymous said...

the San Jose Barnes & Noble is decidedly NOT in the Hipster Belt. Unless burnt-out Oracle employees on match.com dates count as hipsters.

Damn am I glad I don't live in the Southbay any more.

Joe B said...

I was just so looking forward to basking in your douchey-ness. Or at least sharing douche-notes.

Ah well, I'll just have to mail my unitard in for the autograph.

singlespeedspinning said...

oh yeah

John Marr said...

Finally, a use for my $12.47 Sports Basement gift card

brother yam said...

Speaking of walruses and erections...

Anonymous said...

Flatted! Damn those cobbles!

Brian said...

I know it's not your fault, but I'm still pissed that neither Cambridge nor Brookline is on your book tour (screw Boston proper, it has no good bookshops).

Nogocyclist said...

Closest signing is over 500 miles away. Might as well live in Copenhagen.

Anonymous said...

You're only touring the edges of the country?!? Visit #7 Madison, WI and we'll take you out on the Olympic Road course that would have been ......

CommieCanuck said...

What?! You're not coming to Flin Flon Manitoba? Not even Dildo, Newfoundland? What's this, Austin Texas?, sounds like a homophone for ostentatious. If you're going to make places up for secret sex romps with Vito, don't expect high book sales.

And what about Oprah? You don't sell shit in books without Oprah. Maybe you can work out a deal where very audience member gets a free "vibrating seatpost" under their seats.

My persistent fear of my bike is that the crabon will oxidize in my basement, releasing CO to kill us while we sleep and form C02 to piss off David Suzuki. Still better than a Trek.

CommieCanuck said...

brother yam said...

Speaking of walruses and erections...


And there you have the winning caption:

"Why should I come to bed? Nothing you can do I can't do myself"

The New Yorker invented, "...And boom goes the dynamite".

Anonymous said...

Did anybody tell Boeing about the micro-cracking problems when cold-cycling crabon fibre?

That's not snow, it's the 787!

JAT (in Seattle - queueing up at the University Bookstore, as a matter of fact - All you Bostonians suck my book!)

Jefe said...

Not Albany? It's the bike capital, well ... capital of New York State.

Dumptruck said...

I'm saddened by the lack of a Chicago stop. It must have been the helmet portion on the waiver for the Dutch Ride in Chicago Copanhaginze was going on about.

In regards to ineffective braking measures, check out http://trackosaurusrex.com/pblog/comments.php?y=10&m=03&entry=entry100324-100032
Why install an actual brake that uses the braking surface less than an inch away?

Anonymous said...

Try baby to
understand
Why I'm your main man
I got my belt on tight
It's white... Yeah!

Anonymous said...

Download a Hi-res author photo!
http://www.chroniclebooks.com/bikesnob/download/author.jpg

Nick said...

Pack finish!

California said...

No epic burrito for you!

frilly said...

No stop in the Midwest?

Tsk, tsk. Disappointing, Snob, very disappointing.

Anonymous Coward said...

Bravo Snob, one of your best lines, "While I generally prefer to inhabit a fantasy world in which walruses "pop boners" while reading Melville, the fact is that it's important once in awhile to reflect on tragedy."

Although, isn't that kind of what the walrus would have been doing?

Marc said...

First: The only shipping option is UPS?!? UPS is SATAN in Canada. I guess I'll wait for it to show up in a more conventional retail outlet.

Second: "daily basis" is redundant. Daily already is a basis!

Joel said...

Bike Snob, you should be entering your captions in the New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest. It started a few years ago on Radosh.net, and is being carried on by al in la.

You would have a decent chance of actually winning the anti-caption contest.

Plus, being "anti" makes you cooler.

innerlighter said...

Excellent rant today snob, but left out of the helmet issue was one thing I see every day here in my "cycling friendly" town that bugs the s*** out of me, and is possibly even more dangerous.
It's the person wearing a helmet at a jaunty angle like it's a freaking pimp hat.
That's like holding onto that long expired condom in your wallet just in case you have to "help someone fix a flat". False notions of adequate protection and people with poor impulse control (or poor bike handling skills) don't mix.
The unfortunate thing is that these are the very same people for whom, when something goes wrong, the first thought is, who can I sue?"
But that's just me. Or maybe that's just meh.

See you in SF.

On a side note, Davis is kind of on the way from SF to Portland. If you want to simultaneously have a harrowing experience, get some defensive riding skills work in, and see some supposedly smart people pulling some pretty bone headed maneuvers, I invite you to our fair hamlet for a quick ride through the UC campus at about 3pm when classes let out. I'm not kidding when I say it could provide you with weeks of blog material!

Isolation Helmet said...

Hey Snob I see that when you come to San Francisco you are going to the Sports Basement location closest to a truly epic burrito experience in the Mission. You have truly picked hipster central.

cheva said...

Why Banff, Canada, and yet Indignant PA or some such thing. It's Banff, AB. fer cristsake. (I'm not buying into the whole lobster thing) Or it's New York, USA. You chose, but keep it consistent. Whoo. Sorry. Feeling kind of inadequate since you aren't willing to come North.
We'll still laugh at you. With you. Whatever.

Director Bob said...

BSNYC wrote:

"Anyway, pending my June foray into America's urban playgrounds, I'm still stuck here in New York City..."

Thanks for mentioning June Foray! As you undoubtedly know, she was the voice of Rocket J. Squirrel, or Rocky, if you are a close friend like Bulwinkle. Ms. Foray is 92 years old at present.

CommieCanuck said...

Factoid: "Banff" was named after the sound a tourist on skiis makes while hitting a majestic tree.

Director Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CommieCanuck said...

Ms. Foray is 92 years old at present.

Wow. I just assumed Boris and Natasha eventually got her.

hillbilly said...

marty markowitz is a doof, knicks suck, mets suck. that's all.

Matt said...

No Minneapolis? Well, at least this omission was announced after we made number 1! Had it turned out you'll stop in Portland but not in the Garden Spot of the Upper Midwest we might have been relegated back to the pack.

Congrats on the impending book and other stuff. Among other things, you have revived my interest in the New Yorker.

ant1 said...

Joel - "Plus, being "anti" makes you cooler."

as does being ant1.

Al Thumbs said...

CommieCanuck said...
"Ms. Foray is 92 years old at present.

Wow. I just assumed Boris and Natasha eventually got her."

Actually, Foray was the voice of Natasha too.

Anonymous said...

"the cure temp we use is 180 degrees F. Sitting in the hot sunlight, the paint is just continuing to cure. No damage."

wow, like paint continuing to dry, it will crack and peel.

Anonymous said...

If I attend one of the Snob book signings there's a pretty good chance I'll share the company of the type that frequently posts here.
I think I'll pass.

bungleboy said...

What? No Jersey, PA, FL, MS, AL, ME MO, MN, WY, IA, HI, IN, OH, ND, SD..?

Well you get it.

mikeweb said...

Unless the geographic whining on here is good natured ribbing, give the guy a break!

He's got a kid on the way, so in the midst of all this, he'll also be learning how to change a diaper, make a bottle and to top it off, all of his clothes will have puke stains on them.

Come to think of it Snob, maybe it'd be better for you to schedule a longer book tour after all.

g said...

I sense a "BS[insert your city name here]/RTMS - Fat Cyclist book tour showing (or whatever the fuck they're called) contest in the works. Seems like you could get some real bank for ol' FS or little Ru-Eben's college fund. "Soak his thumb in Iodine take care of the orthodontist, but won't knock a thing of the University."
Just sayin...

red neckerson said...

i kin unnerstand you not coming to vipor but fuck hazard aint that far out of the way

we gots people who dont shave or take showers and gots lots of tattoos

that kind of makes them like hipsters i reckon

i was planing on taking you tree riding becos it aint nothing you kin do up in new yawk

and no bpr we was going to get one of them 2 liter bottles of bush beer

billy joe was going to take you to his farm which is hid real well in the middle of a real farm if you know what im saying

shit jolene was even thinking of wearing panty hose

but if you is too busy to come down this way well then

Daddo said...

Twitter? tour sponsorship? No BOSTON?
It might be time to start Biksnobnycsnobbos.

Anonymous said...

for the new yorker caption how about "that's not what you think it is, it's my new Knog booklight" kill two birds and do a little product placement ad while you are at it." Isn't that what sellouts usually do? I kid. looking forward to the book, will it be offered on kindle (seriously)?

Shaun said...

Working on a joke involving walrus boner and Moby Dick. Some sort of colloquial euphemism probably. It's eluding me.

g said...

Snob,
How come no single/fixie/fixie-speed/road/p-Far/tark bieks on the cover of the book?
Seems like at least one should be there given the subject matter of your material thus far.

(Note: I haven't read the book and therefore, if the answer is contained within and integral to the narrative, please forgive me)

g said...

And then I scrolled up and saw the IOJB on the top. My stupid, stupid mistake.

Anonymous said...

Dear BSNYC,

Does the recent loss of anonymity and new found fame and having to be gracious to sponsors make you as unconfortable as it is making me? Just keep telling yourself you are doing it for your kid, you'll eventually start believing it. That and scotch, lots of it.

db said...

@Shaun: "sperm whale".
.

urchin said...

No need to add on to the geographic book tour snubs, but I will say Vito would have easily gotten even a driver's license in ATL. I chose a bad time to leave Seattle.

I'm still sticking to the expectation that at around 50 years of age, crabon fiber components and frames will start crumbling to dust when you try to pick them up. At one time we thought acetate cellulose would last forever too...

I suspect that fretting over your expensive CF frame is also a deep defense (defence, for you, CC) mechanism that gradually allows for the absolute necessity of buying your next 'perfect' road frame.

waxmouth said...

Snob, I hear you about dumbass cycling, but Wiley Norvel's comment ("The only way out of this chaos is through safer streets and safer drivers sharing the roads") is closer to the truth. The guy killed yesterday didn't stand a chance against a van driver blowing through a solid red light on a suspended license.

The Walrus said...

At least I'm not flogging my dolphin.

CommieCanuck said...

Does the recent loss of anonymity and new found fame and having to be gracious to sponsors make you as unconfortable as it is making me? Just keep telling yourself you are doing it for your kid, you'll eventually start believing it. That and scotch, lots of it.

After 35, it's all a slippy downhill slope until you join the Republican party and start recognizing the political genius of Sarah Palin.

CommieCanuck said...

I suspect that fretting over your expensive CF frame is also a deep defense (defence, for you, CC) mechanism that gradually allows for the absolute necessity of buying your next 'perfect' road frame.

Of course, the minute my custom $8500 Serotta Meh-Vici arrived, I began to note that my legs were shrinking in length.

George Not Hincapie said...

"Wait, Paul can't be dead! I'm Paul!"

Anonymous said...

are you riding too fast? is that why your photos are so blurry?

Anonymous said...

A book signing in Frostbite Falls, MN, hosted by June Foray, would satisfy us midwesterners much more than anything MC'd by that Bono fellow.

Strayhorn said...

I'm utterly amazed that any tour of pretentious cycling cities does not include Chapel Hill. Stunned, I am.

Speaking of which - the guy on the yellow PUCH fixie weaving through traffic on Franklin Street and compounding the lane-closed problem: you suck. And going downhill you looked like a ruptured duck.

Cranky Mule said...

"Beautiful Godzillas"!

The more talent ones can walk talking on phone in said fashion with said bag, holding a grande frappuccino with whip cream while smoking a cigarette. Would love to see that on the back of a bike.

Brian said...

"(I waned to go to Portland, ME, but Chronicle insisted on Portland, OR.)"

Waned
1 : to decrease in size, extent, or degree
2 : to fall gradually from power, prosperity, or influence

Hmm... you are already a small man, so #2 must apply here. Good to hear world dominance is still on the table!

Chris said...

Do we need to bring Epic Burrito's to the SF event? We wouldn't want to you miss out on have a Burrito story of high eppicness (eppitude?) of your own.

Cranky Mule said...

urchin said...

"Vito would have easily gotten even a driver's license in ATL."

No sh$t!

I got yelled out because I was in the way by a driver with a phone in her hand who was driving on a sidewalk around traffic stopped at an intersection.

I love this place, every third driver is texting while they drive and the cyclists are getting all hot and bothered because they might get a mandatory 3 feet passing law.

Perry said...

See you in June at Powell's Books...what color of Jayne Hat do you want?

CommieCanuck said...

but I will say Vito would have easily gotten even a driver's license in ATL.

Maybe if he lost his sight.

Ford's new marketing Campaign.

<a href="http://www.thefordstory.com/quality/making-the-impossible-possible-with-a-2010-ford-mustang/>Ford 2010 Mustang Campaign targets the legally blind.</a>

CommieCanuck said...

meh.

Ford 2010 Mustang Campaign targets the legally blind.

J. P. Sastre said...

BTW, the anti-New Yorker caption contest is funnier than shit.

Where did that expression come from? Shit really isn't all that funny.

I guess that would make almost everything funnier than shit.

But not death. Death isn't funny at all.

What the fuck.

VancGuy said...

And they can't just say "leave it out over winter", no, they had to say "cold cycle".

bryantp said...

Your failure to tour Key West shows you've fallen off the hipster trolley of life.

Fierce Panties said...

A cyclist dies and we laugh about the walrus dick joke, proofs that NY is still a mean town.

City of Los Epic Burritos said...

snubbed! nonplussed.

Fierce Panties said...

I love my helmet.

Anonymous said...

Well if I get killed riding my bike one of the things I'll miss about being alive is walrus dick jokes.

Fierce Panties said...

When I'm dead I"m going to miss hating on guys in convertible Porsches. And walrus dick.

Marty D. said...

http://tinyurl.com/yhtc23n
The future's so bright we need transition cycling shades!!

George Not Hincapie said...

It's too late now, that hi res headshot; you just don't know where it's gonna show up...

George said...

Absolutely true that putting on a helmet does not immunize the rider from disaster. You suggest, however, that one can be just as "safe" without a helmet as with one. That's total bullshit. A helmet will not prevent some idiot from running over you, but if you hit your head on a curb or one of those Danish foot rests or whatever, you're better off with a helmet than without one. Can there be any serious debate about this?
G

Enron the Musical said...

Now I know why I never see fixies on the Triboro.

eric said...

Ohhhh I seen your face! But no Philly? I realize it's within driving/bussing/training distance from NYC but anyone familiar with the tri-state area knows that Philadelphians DO NOT associate with NYC. Alas...

Enron the Musical said...

Speaking of which, maybe we should start a petition to get the city to reinstall the stairs on the Williamsburg Bridge.

Think about it;, you'd see a dramatic and in some cases instantaneous decline in both fixies and heavy pseudo-Dutch bikes!

Anonymous said...

So, um, I don't get it. You're selling the book to hipsters? the object of your unbridled derision and ire? It's the middle-age retro-grouches (me) who are your core audience and, our bookstores and coffee houses are much nicer. Talk to your publicist!

wisjiwasmerckx said...

Well, everybody's all in a kerfluffe that your book tour does not come to their podunk village.

I, on the other hand, have a legitimate grievance. Somebody else is picking up the cost, and your trip does not include a stop in Las Vegas? What, are you some sort of communist or something?

True, we have no bookstores, so your "meet and greet" would have to take place next to a craps table at Ceaser's Palace, but I mean, c'mon, man.

wishiwasmerckx said...

And...100th.

xyxax said...

Now Beautiful Godzillas have their own LBS.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/15/fashion/15bike.html?ref=fashion

Anonymous said...

I don't know who the moron at Bell Aerospace is, but given the fact that "Crabon Fibre" is constantly tested below -65 F for both fatigue and ultimate strength and that unless you're leaving your carbon fiber bicycle in Antarctica over the winter then any "micro-cracking" in the Matrix is due to poor construction materials.

jimmynuetron said...

BSNY, you're still a little too quick to jump to your predictable mantra of most cyclist drive like idiots. We should try to learn something from these accidents. Not say "see I told yah".
This guy on Flatbush got hit by a dollar van running a light, unlicensed driver. Lesson being watch the f out for livery vans Super Shuttle and Access a Ride. It had nothing to do with tall bikes, salmon or marc jacobs.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you have a signing at G'Ster this fall? Maybe you'll have something going about "cross culture" by then...it needs it yo.

spacemodular said...

Jeez Snob - I hope you don't get thrown from your bike by motorized impact and smack your head against a hard object. A helmet won't make you smarter or save you from being run over by a bus, but blunt head trauma it does help to prevent.

Your safety advice has gotten smarmier than thou...

Probably haven't wacked your head from a crash either... or maybe you did?

Jase said...

What, Snob, you're not coming to Australia?

Did you know that over 60 percent* of Australians now have basic literacy? there's a whole market here and you're just letting it go to waste!!!

harrumph.


*This statistic is a comedic prop. Australia is a first-world country with all the trappings: universal health care, the metric system, kyoto protocol ratification, etc.

gregoryyy said...

That's a relief. I am sooo happy your not coming to a Barnes and Noble,here. They just had a book signing with a famous Walrus who likes showing off his erection,that's right Karl Rove.

Yes,only in Texas.

But don't worry,you might feel like you just got off the L train here.See Yall soon !

Anonymous said...

OC is coming...

leroy said...

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of cogs -- and knogs -- the Pistadex,
And headsets made by Kings --
And why crabon won't crack in cold --
And whether pigs have wings."

Anonymous said...

Thank god you are not coming to Vancouver and Canada. Dont want to create a bunch of fakenger BSNYC fans here. Its already hard trying to seperate the real fans and those fakers in Van; there is no need for more. Guess it will have to be a trip down to Portland!

Anonymous said...

You are not serious about touring the Hipster Belt without stopping in Boulder, sorry. Get real.

Jay said...

Guard your yabbies, Mr. Weiss. You have many fanboys.

Salty Seattle said...

For all not getting the BikeSnob Star Treatment-

I will be organizing a Grateful-Dead-like, "Follow the Snob" Tour, in which we will all load up in old Volkswagens with crappy gas mileage, and even poorer emissions, and visit every hipster city in the nation. We will eschew corporate sponsorship in favor of bartering, and earning our way through donations, begging, and interpretive dance renditions of our favorite selections from the blog. Also, in true Grateful-Dead-following fashion, we will not own the book, but we will all borrow it from a guy named, Steve.

There's always a guy named, Steve.

Snob-
You better bring the beard..

Anonymous said...

Speaking of safety, do you dismount while taking these clandestine photos snob?

Anonymous said...

@Jase - Australia has lots o hipsters on fixies too. Plenty of grist for the BSNY mill...

Anonymous said...

Joel, don't send snobbie to al in la, haven't you seen the sacrileage occuring there? -> http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_y4vJHaeGjmc/S6sA7nVjhVI/AAAAAAAAAX4/ayesIr2Zhbc/s1600/Picture+1071.jpg

Chris O'Hearn said...

Thank you Snob... I will make an offering of parsley butter at my nearest crustacean temple for your comments on helmets.
All you haters suck my Buff.

cyclegoddess said...

Obviously the sound of no brakes stopping is '''EEEAAAGHHHHOWWWWW. Oh shit that was my leg breaking.

If one was one those tall bikes,and fell ( even in the bike lane) your going to hit the middle of the lane.
Oh shit , that was my hea.....

cyclegoddess said...

"Banff" was named after the sound a tourist on skiis makes while hitting a majestic tree.

I thought that was the sound of 6 tonnnes of gently falling avalanche, hitting the tourist skiers.

But seriously Snobby, no AUstralia? No worrys mate.

We prefer to keep this place secret.
Its been invaded my Maccas and 7-11 but that is as far as it needs to go.

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McGrath said...

So in my Firefox ticker, the title of this post is "It's a Zen thing: What is the sound of no bra?"

David said...

First, Snob, I'm very disappointed that your tour will not bring you through Horse Cave, Kentucky, where we do actually have a very nice bookstore, in addition to a small number of people who can and do read and a very nice cave across the street from the book store. (No, I am not making any of this up.) We also have nearby Mammoth Cave National Park, which features good hills for mountain biking as well as good roads for road bikes. Unfortunately, they will not allow bikes in the actual cave. Vito would enjoy the trees. And regarding your caption's rejection by the New Yorker--well, I knew there was a reason I let my subscription to that august publication lapse. . . .
Thanks for a great post!

cyclegoddess said...

I guess the difference between fixies and roadies is...a roadie MIGHT let you touch his bike- let alone RIDE on it.
It would be easier to ride HIM, than his bike!!

No one READS the New Yorker.You only really SEE it,in The Shrink's office anyhow. Condemed to the realm of women of a certain age, who tend to wear pashminas and too much blush.

Dr. Chewbakka said...

Who doesn't love themselves snapped on BSNYC?

1. I was lucky and managed to maintain control through the flat, which I caused by skidding on sh*tty tires.

b) The raised voice you heard was me taking a moment to express my displeasure with myself re: item 1, not to issue a warning to potential pins to my brakeless bowling ball.

I am chastened, Bike Snob, and sad that, walking with my hipster head hung, I didn't notice the literary celebrity photographing me.

Cheers, and please walk on the left.

ant1 said...

Congrats Dr. Chewbakka. and thanks for the early afternoon entertainment you provided for us, via snobby.

Ronsonic said...

"What is it about crabon that turns people into feverish, hand-wringing worrywarts?"

Crabon is bought by the sort of feverish, hand-wringing worrywarts who fear that an extra 900grams will deny them the enjoyment of cycling. Why wouldn't they carry that outlook to every other aspect of the endeavor. Wait'll something really happens like they unship a chain onto the beefy bottom bracket and scar the clear coat. They run in little circles flapping their fingers.

mtnman4life said...

They have been making airplanes out of carbon and the temperature gradients they see is far beyond what your carbon bike in the garage will ever experience, lets say -40F to 100F in the time it takes to climb to cruising altitude. Most bikes use the same carbon that planes.

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