Wednesday, March 17, 2010

To Whom It May Concern: Letting Things Take Care of Themselves

Life is full of little miseries: ingrown toenails; Lady Gaga songs played in public forums; and inferior coffee that has not been properly prepared by means of a Japanese slow-dripping apparatus are just a few of the things that can make your day seem unpleasant. However, underneath all of these irritants lies a fundamental truth, which is that making yourself happy not only makes you feel good but also makes the world a better place. Indeed, happiness begets happiness, and once you learn this then your life can become a perpetual motion machine of joy.

Of course, the twist is that "happy" doesn't mean the little jolt of pleasure you get when you first throw your leg over that brand-new crabon dream bike; or you watch a minimum wage laborer pass a chamois over the sheet metal of your luxury automobile; or you see someone get kicked in the "pants yabbies." No, real happiness is the warm, pants-wetting feeling you get inside that causes you to beam beatifically and radiate pleasure, and it can come from nearly anywhere--simply feeling the spring sun shining on your face (or on your genitals, if you're a nudist) can be enough to not only warm your metaphorical cockles of your heart but also heat them into a delicious serving of Northumbrian cockle soup from which everybody may slurp. It's the simple joy of being part of the world working as it should, and you transfer this joy to others since when you talk to them you're all blissed out from the feeling of the sunshine on your groin instead of being all snappy because you've got a hangnail and you hate that freaking Lady Gaga song.

Granted, moments like these are fleeting, but with practice you can find them easier and hold onto them longer. Part of it is understanding yourself and knowing what makes you truly happy. For example, if riding your bike makes you happy you can derive joy from the simple act of transporting yourself. I experienced this recently as I crossed "The Big Skanky" into Manhattan:

As the spring sun shone ("shone" is pretentious for "shined") upon my visage ("visage" is pretentious for "mug"--and please note it does not refer to the genitals, since I was wearing pants) and I watched the pink jacket of the rider ahead of me billowing like the wings of a wheeled flamingo I suddenly felt awash in happiness. Between the jacket and the helmet and the color of the girders it was as though I was traveling along the gullet of a giant salmon, and I like to think that, however briefly, I was experiencing the profound pleasure that comes from surrendering one's ego to the collective consciousness. (Either that, or more likely I was having one of those LSD flashbacks they used to warn us about in school and I was momentarily "tripping balls.")

But not everybody is content to simply trust in The Way Life Works and to take their spiritual nourishment from the Universal Tureen. Some people don't want to be happy. Instead, they prefer to be "concerned." This is because there are three main ways to deal with the nervous energy we all accumulate as we go about our affairs: the first is to ground it in the pursuit of happiness; the second is to nullify it through distractions like intoxicants and frivolous purchases and "groinal collabos" obtained under false pretenses; and the third is to project it onto others--which is what being "concerned" is. When you're "concerned," you take something you're worried about in yourself and you attempt to regulate it in others. This is why preachers wind up embroiled in bizarre sex and drug scandals. This is also why people called "Concerned" leave comments like this on blogs in the middle of the night:

Concerned said...

Snob,

When are you going to start using this blog to bring greener change in our wasteful and consumerist society? Since im assuming you ride a bike you must already be concerned with the environment, but instead you put down beautiful creatures like the anas who are trying to survive in the pavement wasteland of New York.
I am pleased that you at least support the Just Coffee coop that is a local initiative that champions fair trade and organic coffee and helps the environment by purchasing from deserving farmers in South America.
I dont know about this lobster businesses, but God gave us this beautiful planet and now we must protect it. Try reading David Suzuki's Green Guide and it will put you on the right path.

March 17, 2010 3:31 AM



The answer to the first question is, of course, "Never." I also resent the assumption that, because I ride a bike, I'm "concerned with the environment." The truth is, I'm not concerned with the environment in the slightest bit. (I mean I love the environment, inasmuch as I love the world in which I live, but I'm not "concerned" about it.) Furthermore, I don't labor under the delusion that my riding a bicycle will somehow save it, or even that it's doomed in the first place. (If the world was going to end, it would have happened when this did.) I ride a bike for the simple reason that doing so makes me happy. If my being happy on a bike encourages someone else to seek and find happiness on a bike, and then the two of us being happy on a bike (separate bikes, not tandems) in turn encourages four more people to enjoy cycling, and one day we're all riding bicycles happily around a maypole in Times Square, then so be it, for that is The Way Life Works. Offices don't use less paper now because they're "concerned" about the rainforests; they use less paper because, when it comes to Getting Stuff Done, the Internet is awesome and paper sucks. I don't ride my bike into the city during rush hour because I'm "concerned with the environment;" I do it because pretending I'm riding down the gullet of a giant salmon on a spring day is awesome, and sitting in traffic for two hours listening to terrestrial radio and then trying to find parking sucks. Being human and doing what makes you truly happy makes the world better; being "concerned" yields two toxic by-products: religion, and smugness.

So if I advocate anything (which really I don't, since who the hell am I anyway?), it's doing what makes you happy. However, I should add that doing what makes you happy does not preclude exercising common sense. For example, we all want to get paid to do what makes us happy, but this is a bit more complicated than simply having fun and then holding out your hand for remuneration. In the world of cycling, the one thing people like almost as much as riding is buying bikes. So, once you realize how hard it is to get paid to ride, it's tempting to then try to get paid to help other people buy stuff, as you can see in this ad which was forwarded to me by a reader:

Bicycling Consultant - $25 (Cincinnati Area)
Date: 2010-03-10, 2:50PM EST
Reply to: [deleted]

If you need assistance researching, assessing, finding, shopping for, or otherwise learning the options available for your bicycling application or need, I can help. This service applies to whole bikes, parts, accessories, marketplace etc...anything related to the bicycle. For a one time charge, I will get you the information you need, plus direct you to the related resource for acquiring the item. That could be local Bike shop, regional/national shops or manufacturers directly, or online resources. Basically, I will steer you to a source for fulfillment, armed with pertinent specific information, based on my knowledge and experience from over 40 years of cycling of all types: Commuter, Road, Touring, BMX racing & Freestyle, Trials, BMX Vert / Park, Mountain Biking, Freeride, Downhill etc.. There are some progressive technology options in use and on the horizon (Electric power assist, Internally geared hubs, belt drive systems, shaft drive systems, suspension systems, multi-compound tire tech, electric shifting, Carbon, titanium, and wood frames, Fork options, Lighting systems, Disc brakes, carbon wheels, the list of innovation goes on and on) I am very in touch with current and future trends in Bicycle technology and I think I can be of value to you in saving you time and effort doing the research. I can efficiently get you the information you need to meet your cycling goals. Thanks.


We've seen this sort of enterprise before--in fact, you may recall "The Bike Shrink:"

As far as this guy in Cincinnati goes, all I'll say is that if you know so little about bicycles that you're considering paying a stranger on Craigslist $25 instead of walking into a few bike shops for free, then you certainly don't need to worry about things like "shaft drive systems," "electric shifting," and "wood frames." I'm guessing if you asked him to recommend a bicycle for riding to the office he'd probably come up with something like this. Really, thinking you can just sit back and dispense bicycle advice to strangers for money is similar to the post-adolescent heterosexual male fantasy that you can become a gigolo and get paid to have sex with attractive women. I mean, sure, you can get paid to have sex, but as Joe Buck will tell you the reality of the enterprise is a little less savory. Plus, he's not even teaching you how to harness the awesome power of gravity:

I'm glad there's someone out there who will teach me how to be a gravity-wrangler because I've been having a hard time getting the hang of it. This is why I float to the ceiling every morning when I get out of bed. It seems to me that the aspiring mountain bikers and the aspiring roadies should just switch places, since roadies are always trying to defy gravity yet apparently mountain bikers can't even figure it out how it works.

Then again, there's nothing wrong with a little advice, especially when more and more companies are allowing you to "build your own" bike. As it happens, Republic, the very company that brought you the "customizable" mail-order "fixie," is now branching out into Dutch bikes:

I must say that this seems like a much more appropriate use of hi-ten tubing, especially since a Dutch-style bike is much better than a road-style bike when it comes to draping yourself over it languidly:

I just hope he's concerned with the environment.

150 comments:

Anonymous said...

pow-pow

Jase said...

Thomas the think engine astride the podium!

ervgopwr said...

on the podium!

Cav Not said...

Podium yo!

mikeweb said...

Me and my Maillard hub are top 10!!

Fatuous said...

Top tentative?

Renders Fenders Moot said...

Top eight! Suckas!

Otaku Network said...

holy crap top 10...snob, i too ride for fun, damn the enviroment

Otaku Network said...

and the environment too

Cav Not said...

Scheisse!

shoegazer said...

sometimes

poole said...

top20. meh.

Jase said...

Seeing that guy get his flaming balls stomped brightened my day immeasurably.

Ryan said...

Top 20

mander said...

Top Twenty, and i read the whole post.

streepo said...

The guy doing the stomping of the balls was just showing his concern for the environment. He was trying to minimize carbon emissions. Or some sort of emissions.

randumb jerkoff said...

highest finish

Bad Lawyer said...

Snob--

If he's from Cleveland, he'll have to show how to re-install pie plates, for him to have any Cleveland street-level cred.

Born said...

top twenty! i dedicate this to the environment!

FeedTheJoe said...

BALL FIRE

LADY GAGA said...

HATE SYUR

BLOG SNOB

ringcycles said...

Dear god, is there really going to be a Green Day on Broadway musical?!? Is this some sort of ironic practical joke that Mel Brooks is playing for St. Patricks Day? Oy Vey

mikeweb said...

I'm concerned about that fact that this wasn't the kick in the pants yabbies clip.

That other one left me feeling dirty and used - and concerned for that poor kid's welfare.

10,000 Aches said...

I hit the sweet spot!!

g said...

I don't really understand the point of the "build your own" bike. At the site you can choose from about 8 colorways or you can let them randomly pick through the crap they have lying around. No where do you get to choose the individual parts/colors. I just don't get how that's "building my own" anything...

And, yet, I remain unconcerned.

Anonymous said...

Cincinnati ain't Cleveland. In Cleveland bikes are stolen, not bought

Yoda said...

Concerned not am I for the environment.

The force strong is shall with this one be Snob happy in salmon jacket pink.

ervgopwr said...

This blog is nothing to be concerned about. But it does make me happy.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I read this with some awe:

If my being happy on a bike encourages someone else to seek and find happiness on a bike, and then the two of us being happy on a bike (separate bikes, not tandems) in turn encourages four more people to enjoy cycling, and one day we're all riding bicycles happily around a maypole in Times Square, then so be it, for that is The Way Life Works.

However, I suggest "not a tandem."

Lobspeed.

peterabbit said...

"Green" bikers, the co-op type, are an unusual breed. They can do something that most bike shops cannot, take money from people who have none.

Also, their preferred mode of transportation, ghetto singlespeeds (still have a full cluster in back) with one center-pull front brake, are a serious safety hazard to other cyclists.

Not saying I'm not into the environment or anything, just knocking the holier than thou but know nothing about bike mechanics co-op types.

Anonymous said...

RIP Tom Boonen 1980-2010

You lived life to the fullest!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:15pm,

Oops, thanks--sorry for confusing cities.

--BSNYC

Bruce in Bayonne said...

and i am also concerned that you arent doing enough for the gays...i mean, you atleast mentioned lady gaga in your post today but this is trifling. throw us a "bone" too...

Anonymous said...

middle of the peleton! go Kissena!

luciferyellow said...

That post by "Concerned" really had the trifecta of arrogance:
1. Shame on you for making fun of beautiful ducks struggling to survive.
2. I'll give you some credit for supporting something that I look favorably on.
3. Now go and read this book that I recommend so you can be enlightened, too.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jefe said...

Jeez, if I had only known that to have my comment prominently featured in your next post, all I had to do is wait until the middle of the night and pen some amazingly patronizing screed. I'm setting the alarm.

Udder said...

I'm happy to read that you advocate nothing. I'm so sick of asshole celebs using their notoriety to further their personal causes, as if their opinions matter more than mine.

Anonymous said...

self-rightgeous mocking of others makes me happy. Screw the environment.

Mike D said...

Concerned should read http://www.amazon.com/Green-Metropolis-Smaller-Driving-Sustainability/dp/1594488827/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268847550&sr=8-1 , NYC is already the most environmentally friendly city in the country.

kale said...

Sonb,

Can you also address the overwhelming crisis in Haiti, or was it Chile... I just know theres so much suffering in the world that needs to be talked about over cheese platters and Grenache.

Cyclin' Missy said...

Does that guy's Dutch bike have a skirt guard?

OBA said...

Bravo! Saw that "concerned" comment yesterday and thought it was a barn-wall sized target, but you really bullseyed that womp rat in your T-16!

Jefe said...

Hey Anon 1:18! Tom Boonen is not dead. The guy ingests Peruvian marching powder, has (according to Slowtwitch Forum) a 16-year-old girlfriend, and can take Mark Cavendish in a sprint finish. Not only is he alive, I do not believe he can be killed.

Anonymous said...

bro, dude, like it's totally st Pats day? and like, the epic beer is here...it has some veeery special hops, like it is also wed weed day, so here we go!

LEFT BEER

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 1:18-

"RIP Tom Boonen 1980-2010

You lived life to the fullest!"

Huh?

ant1 said...

"since who the hell am I anyway?"

hey, you're one of us snobby. that's what everyone's been asking around here.

Stefani Germanotta said...

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

Anon. 1:15 PM said...

It's ok, Snob. From here in fly-over country, Brooklyn seems a lot like New Jersey.

Anonymous said...

A popular search engine has not received any news of Tom Boonen's death. Is this how rumors get started?

wle said...

i love that pink jacket and the pink beams

wle

Test Tickle said...

Dear Concerned,

This a blog about funny things that we relate to and for most, it's a few moments in the day to sit back and laugh at how ridiculous we are. It's entertainment. So please, do whatever you have to do to make the world a better place, but save the preaching for your Sunday morning rally.

I once, actually many times,

TRPD BALZ

balls.

Fingerbang Assistant said...

I want to be under that sweet maypole.

TOMS ALIV

ant1 said...

best poker face cover ever

BISOUBISOU said...

Here's your green change and a red book.

ant1 said...

i got that red book for christmas. pretty crazy shit. penmanship is a lost art.

BISOUBISOU said...

Jung really tapped into it with his fingerblog, didn't he?

Dave said...

I had a lovely pink acid trip once that coinsciendentally involved a salmon's gullet. However, the pink picture triggered a flashback for me and I just spent the last half hour staring slackjawed at my computer.

It did make me happy though. Thanks.

db said...

...being "concerned" yields two toxic by-products: religion, and smugness.

Amen.

BISOUBISOU said...

Farm-raised salmon/sockeye bike:
http://bit.ly/aqGFJ5

I am the engine. said...

Excellent post.

The purpose of bike consultant and bike shrink is lost on me. I thought the purpose of buying expensive shit is appreciating that it is expensive shit. Sounds like we are getting a middle man in the process, thereby taking the "fun" out of the process.

Sort of like the electrical bike.

The only way I would buy a dutch bike is if "Betty's" came with it.

"Fred's" cant sell shit, they are much less photogenic, and they always show less skin.

Skin sells shit.

Has anybody figured out what yesterdays "regenerating" brakes is about?

Why do some bike designers, builders, and some buyers not get the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) principle?

Aapje said...

Cyclin' Missy, he does indeed have a skirt guard, probably because he is posing with a ladies bike.

ant1 said...

it is st. patty's, skirt guard, kilt guard, who's to say what it is?

Anonymous said...

Tom Boonan had a 16 year girlfriend in 2008?

She must be 18 now, he apparently has no reason to live.

Couldn't been the cocaine, steroids, or other shit? Just lost the will to live.

Stupid Name said...

I almost snorted by Wednesday Weed bong water. Thank good it wasn't Acid Thursday. I am Mr. Natural, but I am not concerned.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, just heard from your Rabbi, and boy, is he pissed. He wants to talk to you.

Anonymous said...

What's so wrong with Lady Gaga? I'd poke her face if the opportunity presented itself.

Anonymous said...

what is with these coffee people who think they are saving the world by ordering a machiato?

OPTO said...

@engine:

regenerative braking, on electrically powered trains for example, means using the electric traction motors as generators when braking and then feeding that juice back into the line (source) and/or storing it. For this bike I kind of doubt that the juice is going back into your body so it must be destined for the batteries instead.

Phil said...

I spend about ten hours each month working on things that are important to me, even though they're not fun and don't bring me any money. For example, just the other day, I met with a Parks Department employee to discuss ways of modifying my city's tree-trimming policy to reduce the number of birds nests that are cut down (and young birds that are killed).

Just thought I'd let you know, so you can make fun of me, too. What a jackass I am, to do stuff like this! Ha ha!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Cool. I too have experienced the profound pleasure of which the snob speaks. I never did eat the lsd but I did eat those funny mushrooms once.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Cool Post. I too have experienced the profound pleasure of which the Snob speaks while on my bike. I never did eat the LSD however I did eat those funny mushrooms once.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure a bike shop employee would necessarily be better at setting up a newbie with a suitable bike. profit motive can lead them to help newbies make unfortunate choices.

Anonymous said...

SYCO FANT

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snob,
be careful. there is a point of which writers stop looking at the world at large in favor of writing about how cute their cats are. You're straddling the line these days.

yogisurf said...

I started bike commuting in 2001 for exercise. Lately, people in my building have come up to me and said “It’s great what you’re doing for the environment”. I tell them that I do it for exercise…however I quickly add that I asked Al Gore to fly his private jet out to California and give me a medal for reducing my ‘carbon footprint’. If anybody needs 'commuter consulting', I charge $1,000,000 per hour.

Anonymous said...

I’m not sure happiness is the same as a positive attitude? But Herm Albright says, ‘A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.’ A form of happiness. Cf. The Power of Less by Leo Babauta.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! LADY GAGA RULEZ!!! OK?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:40pm,

Impossible--I don't even own a cat.

--BSNYC

Blue Bear said...

I've had the same thing happen to me with co-workers just assuming that I'm cycling because I'm trying to save the world or something.
They're usually shocked when I tell them that I really don't care that much about the environment and just assume that there's no hope of saving it anyway and that I really just want to get from point A to point B without spending a ton of money.
They also were surprised to see me eating meat as well.
To paraphrase Frank N. Furter "I didn't do it for you."

CommieCanuck said...

oh for fuck sakes, she wants you to consult David Suzuki?

That guy started the whole green movement, including the scare tactics and shite "science" that is so easy for right wingers to debunk. He also doesn't do anything unless it makes him money, and he flies everywhere to tell other people not to fly everywhere. He doesn't ride a bike, he drives a Prius (Pious).

He's also a notorious drunk who hung out at the same pub I did in Toronto.

The beauty of cycling is that you can do it for entirely selfish, assholistic reasons:
1. I'm too cheap to buy expensive cars and gas, I'd rather save that money for baby seal vests.
2. I hate to waste time looking for parking spots. I hate to walk to a shop through a parking lot past the lardos.
3. It's a fun way to get around. Driving is not fun, not even close unless a front seat BJ is involved.
4. I like how people envy my "metabolism" even though I eat like a pig. Metabolism my ass.

(Assholistic is ©CC, 2010.)

ant1 said...

i do it for the hipster pussy

as someone previously said oh so well.

Dr. Makim ben'Dover said...

If Mr. Snobs had a feces drive, would anyone here give a shit?

ant1 said...

CC - i like your assholistic reasons wording. i take an assholistic approach to everything i do.

red neckerson said...

hipster pussy
good as eny

Dr. Makim ben'Dover said...

If Mr. Snobs had a sex drive, would anyone here give a fuck?

Strayhorn said...

To the Commie Canuck's list of assholish reasons, I'd like to add:

When you do finally lift your leg over that carbon superbike you've been scraping and saving for, you can reflect on the fact that you might have sent that $6k to Doctors Without Borders. That the carbon and resin took a mighty toll on Mother Earth. That Campy, like Fiat, probably exerts an evil influence on Italian politics. That the rubber in those Conti tires probably came from a slave-labor camp in Indonesia. That the chrome most certainly helped keep Robert Mugabe in power.

Or you can just make that first revolution of the crank and think the same thing I did: "Damn, that's as sweet as the time I slept with that ballet dancer."

Anonymous said...

Your comments about the Bike Shrink and the Bicycling Consultant($25) reminded me of a hype I saw last week:

"We don't sell bikes - we sell the experience of cycling on equipment that's right for you and your skill level"

Oh Boy! I just want to buy a bike and ride it, I don't want to be obligated to a bike store (Sugar Cycles - There Is No Equal [oh really?])for the life of the bike or the rest of my life, whichever ends first. Let me find my own experience

ant1 said...

Stayhorn - well put. the cure to the inconvenient facts you bring up is simple though, just focus on what others are(n't) doing. changing your own behavior is hard, demanding other change theirs is much less taxing. plus you can get prizes for not actually doing anything.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday, I ordered a fair-trade espresso served in mug carved from an organically grown gourd and instantly two unicorns appeared to inform me that the average global temperature had dropped 1c and the Dodo Bird came back from extinction.

Or I might have just picked the wrong day to quit amphetamines.

Anonymous said...

shoegazer - where did you find that image - i want to buy that thing!?

honkybucket said...

CC,

You've been really "on" here these past couple days. I freaking loved the duck joke from yesterday -- that shit killed.

Paul Bowen said...

Classic post Snobbers, some wise words, some laughs and a lovely pink picture from NY, fab.

STPA TRIX

Paul said...

Excellent post, but sometimes I ride a bike even when it is not fun.

NOw, which is more ironic: that most people don't ride their bike to spinning class, or that I ride my bike to a spinning class?

Bill C. said...

Why do I feel dirty and cheap getting a woody over that girl with her Dutch bike?

g said...

IRNC RIDE
2SPN CLAS

Hicup said...

Time for 99 Bottles of Beer on the wall

Short Bus Rider said...

Century Podium

hoot79er said...

How DARE you cast aspersions upon the goddess LADY GAGA!!
She is my reason to get up in the morning and face the day.
Harrumph!!

Surly Bastard said...

My first century of the year. 100!

wishiwasmerckx said...

BSNYC, nobody "owns" a cat.

Surly Bastard said...

Who the two fuckers that pimped me at the line? Wheelsuckers ...

Lady Gaga's stylist said...

Fuck you for making fun of my most important client!

urchin said...

Another fine post today, Snob. The arc of attitude was interesting, though. Looks like you were holding off on that next hit off the Wednesday waterpipe until you finished the post. Maybe a snack or two in the middle...

NPJ

Beefy McManstick said...

3:31 AM in New York is only 12:31 AM in Portland; that's not that late.

Lawrence of the Labia said...

FULL LIFE

THAT SONG

FISH GUTS

LIFE WORX

$399 BIKE

Anonymous said...

Re: "hate that freaking Lady Gaga song"

might well be:
"hate that freaking Lady Gaga's songs"

Dr. Makim ben'Dover said...

If Mr. Snobs had an owl drive, would anyone here give a hoot?

Chris said...

Being human and doing what makes you truly happy makes the world better; being "concerned" yields two toxic by-products: religion, and smugness.

Fucking brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Phil Said at 3:27PM - I do not appreciate you meddling with our ecosystems natural selection process (yes I consider trimming trees and killing baby birds in the process to be a part of the circle of life), it could have grave long term consequences. Please stop it.

Shram said...

Best post in a while, amen Snob. That is all.

Anonymous said...

merry st. patty's day. try not to get too shit housed:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/north_east/8570398.stm

Matthew said...

Classic post, Snob. I work for an environmental NGO, so I'm up to my cockles in smugness on a daily basis. Always good to see a high-and-mighty bullshitter taken down a peg or two. (We're not all 'concerned' and full of ridiculous assumptions.)

As for happy-making, I would love to have the girl on the white dutch bike drape herself languidly over my hi-ten tubing. Yowza.

Dr. Makim ben'Dover said...

If Mr. Snobs had a mug shot drive, would anyone here give a Rip?

Dr. Makim ben'Dover said...

If Mr. Snobs had a hydroelectric drive, would anyone here give a dam?

Anonymous said...

So Green Day is whatevs, but I wouldn't dismiss the musical until you've seen it. Just one dude's opinion, but I attend a lot of theater, and it's one of the best shows I've seen in the last few years. It's not about Green Day, if you're worried about that.

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm! "groinal collabo"

Daddo said...

"just the other day, I met with a Parks Department employee to discuss ways of modifying my city's tree-trimming policy to reduce the number of birds nests that are cut down (and young birds that are killed). "

now THAT is a colossal waste of time...

...unless of course it makes you happy

ringcycles said...

anon 8:10, Don't misunderstand me, I like Greenday, quite alot actually. But "American Idiot" belongs on Broadway as much as a Range Rover belongs on a Nascar track, as Will Farrell belongs on "Meet the Press", as a bacon cheesberger belongs in vegan cafe. Just not the venue I expect them to succeed in; I mean ABBA & Billy Joel I understand, but what's next, The Rockettes doing "Smells Like Teen Spirit"?

Dr. ben'Dover's Assistant said...

If Mr. Snobs had a rodent component drive, would anyone here give a rat's ass?

leroy said...

Is it okay to be concerned about people riding around a maypole in Times Square because that image scares me?

Or should I just worry about being concerned?

Or is that too much like worrying whether your selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor can be trusted to select the right serotonins on which to inhibit reuptake?

Questions, questions, questions.

Concerned with the Concerned. said...

I hereby endorse your non endorsement and lack of concern over the concerned. That projection bit was tasty... Keep on being unconcerned.

Yabbies said...

"I do it because pretending I'm riding down the gullet of a giant salmon on a spring day is awesome, and sitting in traffic for two hours listening to terrestrial radio and then trying to find parking sucks."

I remembered this today as I was circling the block for the 50th time looking for parking in SF... I realized that while getting hit by a car wasn't a picnic; wasting gas, getting irritated/flipping off other drivers and getting the shaft by sneaky parking vultures was equally as horrendous. Anyway, my trusty old Schwinn will again carry me hence to work... I'll just have to keep an eye out for Grannies in cars.

Anonymous said...

River rd north of gwb is mostly closed to cars due to fallen trees & rocks. Passable to bikes
Go there:
If you're un concerned and want to enjoy the beautiful day
Don't:
If you need to talk to parks about killing those nasty invasive sparrows introduced by the hated english
Erin go fuck yourself

frilly said...

Awww, it makes me happy that you're happy Snob. I wanted to ask earlier if you remembered to wear green, because if you didn't I would be most happy to administer the traditional pinch. Especially on that fine ass of yours.

Coley said...

Has no one noticed the large man on the left of the salmongullet photo with the surprisingly skinny legs? He looks like a marshmallow propped up on two toothpicks!

Jeremy Bentham said...

I was hoping to make a clever comment about the happiness maximising philosophy known as utilitarianism.

In the end, however, I decided against it.

Anonymous said...

Apparently it is only acceptable to drink fair-trade, environmentally friendly coffee, and wear ethically-produced organic hemp clothing. However, feel free to ride a no name aluminum fixie frame produced in some hellhole in Southeast Asia. Probably welded by a 14 year old boy chained to a tig welder who gets beaten each time he produces a misaligned dropout, and painted in lacquer without respiration equipment by his 12 year old sister. At night they drink water from the same river that the factory dumps all of its chemical waste.
But hey, at least you didn't hand any more money over to those evil corporate bicycle manufacturers. Of course, buying a frame from a local builder is probably the most ethical and environmentally friendly option... but would likely put too much of a strain on your "Wednesday Weed" budget to be considered.
However, since you are saving the world, I apologize for the question.

Jefe said...

More proof Tom Boonen is not dead - in his recent interview on Velo News he confirmed he would ride in the Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix. Clearly, if he were dead, he would at least pass on the Spring classics.

ant1 said...

that's the problem with mass produced frames. if they killed the 14 year old boys tied to tig welders instead of just beating them when they produced badly aligned dropouts, the problem would eventually go away. gotta give them credit for drinking water with chemical waste though. these guys take recycling seriously.

ADAMCRAZYPANTS said...

you had me at scare quotes.

ALSO: I'm not a cyclist. I'm just a guy on a bike.

PCLA said...

"or you watch a minimum wage laborer pass a chamois over the sheet metal of your luxury automobile"

In the fabled land if Epic Burritos and unfaithful Harley customisers, the chamois-wipers often work for tips only w/o an hourly wage.

But hey! they took that job from willing, able, real Americans! Pinche Cabrones!

Food v. Man said...

"can be enough to not only warm your metaphorical cockles of your heart but also heat them into a delicious serving of Northumbrian cockle soup from which everybody may slurp"

Ah, reminds me of the sublimely exotic Chinese delicacy, "Creme of Sumyung Boi."

Rapidly Reciprocating Radius and Ulna said...

"Some people don't want to be happy. Instead, they prefer to be "concerned."'

... apparently Some People have not yet discovered the cornucopia of pleasures of foffing off. The World is the worse off for it.

Leader-1 said...

Dude, the Nathan Durflinger concept bieck is a TOTAL ripoff of Cy-Kill's futuristic transformational design from the Mighty Go Bots! Nonplussed!

Leader-1 said...

Proof:

http://www.challengeofthegobots.net/GoBots/Pictures/SalesKit/CartoonShot5.png

All You Transformers Suck My Fuselage

T. Prius said...

@ OPTO: regenerative braking has been the death of me!

kerry said...

So I am assuming that this cornering expert, is going to teach me how to use gravity to slingshot myself around corners?

I just want to ride to work. It sounds to me that this tech is going to get me halfway to Pluto...

kerry said...

I can only assume by todays fine posts, that you all are genius;s. Huzzah!!

Hey! pay for bike information? Why?
It so much easier just to do what I did...
Screw a cyclist.

warning. Cycling seems to viral. I caught it from him and passed it on to someone else.

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