Friday, February 12, 2010

Like, BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz?

(From a reader in Minneapolis)

Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that the Lobster God I worship (blessed and delicious be He) has biddeth (He has a bad lisp) that I observe the sacred holiday known to the heathens as "Presidents Day." This involves donning the Holy Vestments, heading down to the beach, and reenacting the Great Emergence. (The Great Emergence occurred when the Lobster God crawled forth from the sea and appeared to His Four Disciples, who followed Him partially because the Lobster God has interesting views on issues like health care and the economy but mostly because they had nothing better to do.) This means that I will not be posting on Monday, February 15th as I will be too busy freezing my "pants yabbies" off at the beach while wearing a lobster costume, though that evening's Boiling Ceremony should help thaw me in time to return on Tuesday, February 16th with regular updates.

Secondly, it will no doubt please you to know that the fixed-gear film genre continues to flourish. Furthermore, it is also developing into three distinct sub-genres: there's the MASHaframaDeathPedalPire "Here's how cool we are in our city that we just moved to" genre; there's the fixed-gear freestyle "I just did a wheelie in a $200 windbreaker" genre; and there's the "My friends and I are undertaking an 'epic' and potentially life-changing bike trip together" genre. A reader recently forwarded me a film of that last type in which some Nü-Freds ride from Tokyo to Osaka on "tarck" bikes, and it may represent the pinnacle of this particular sub-genre to date:

JUNKUN Part 1 of 2 from GOOD.is on Vimeo.


Here they are, riding in formation:


"We ride fixed-gear bikes, the kind that were created for racing on the track," explains the narrator. "But we take 'em on the street. I got a bunch of my homies together, and we set up a 400 mile bike tour of Japan..." Don't dismiss this tightly-knit bunch of "homies" as mere interlopers, though--they keeps it real. Says this rider in the statement-spoken-as-a-question inflection endemic to the Land of the 'Epic' Burrito:

"So I don't have such a touristy, like fanny-pack view of Japan, you know, I wanted to see some real shit? Just ride around and explore, man."

Some of the first "real shit" they see is that track bikes don't make good touring bikes. "You all right man?," one of the riders asks this guy with the neck tattoo:

"Yeah, my knee's hurting," he replies. Well, that can happen when you go touring on an overgeared brakeless track racing bike:

If his knee is hurting I can only imagine what those untied Vans are doing to his sockless feet or those heavy camo shants are doing to his crotch. This guy's putting the "fun" in "fungus."

I was wondering why the "homies" chose Japan, though it may have something to do with this guy's uncle:

"My uncle is like a liaison between like Japanese companies...and he was just telling me try and soak up as much of their culture as you can." (I wonder if his uncle also gave him the "rubber speech.") Lest you think soaking up as much Japan as possible simply means buying a bunch of NJS components, these cultural ambassadors go much farther than that, and they actually "bro out" with a real-live Japanese dude and even let him teabag a top tube:

Then comes the self-deprecation: "We aren't great cyclists, but we can make it, 'cause our heart, you know, and our dedication, you know what I mean? That's going to push us through." Yes, it takes heart to survive a leisurely week-long bike trip through one of the most developed nations in the world. It also takes anodized gold components, though presumably it doesn't take bar tape:

This is a truly inspirational film with an important message: if you try really, really hard, and you never give up hope, you and your "homies" really can go on vacation and have an awesome time.

With that out of the way, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see some seriously romantic bike-humping.

Thank you very much for reading, ride safe, and All You Haters Worship My Lobster God. See you on Tuesday the 16th.

--BSNYC/RTMS





(Presumably fake Liz Hatch bicep tattoo via a reader)

2) The Liz Hatch documentary "Come Ride With Me" is brought to you by "Action Wipes."

--True
--False





3) If you don't want people asking to try your bike:







4) Whose back is this?





5) Whose tiny moustache is this?






6) In the Craigslist Universe, road cycling apparently has a problem with:

--Doping
--Droping
--Dropping
--Groping





("Saddle up your fixie and ride!")

7) This whole designer u-lock holster thing may finally be coming to an end.

--True
--False



***Special Field Repair-Themed Bonus Question***

When is a "peanut butter wrench" useless?



105 comments:

landis in 06 said...

booyah

landis in 06 said...

pulled the snow plow out and made a bee line

Anonymous said...

Love!

Bellicose Verbose said...

Podi YUM!!!

Bellicose Verbose said...

Pipped at the line!!!

Anonymous said...

Rockets!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

Anonymous said...

bsnyc-pHd

Cav Not said...

Ton 10 baby!

Aapje said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

finally made it top ten

Astroluc said...

skyped...

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Cav Not said...

So excited to be in the mix for once that I forgot how to spell...

streepo said...

Perfect score!!!
Okay, I admit it I guessed at the Pozzato questions.

ant1 said...

sweet, perfect score, not counting the bonus question.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Far be it from me to judge, but why would Pozzato get his tattoo in english?

I would respect him more if it said "Only Judy can judge me."

BTW, I am dying to know...who are the four Disciples?

hillbilly said...

floyd1st

Bellicose Verbose said...

"BTW, I am dying to know...who are the four Disciples?"

The Marx Brothers, of course (sans Gummo)...

Bad Lawyer said...

Great posts this week, Snob!

BL

Ronsonic said...

Go check today's U-Lock oriented cartoon at Wondermark. http://wondermark.com/595/

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I presume that is a fish on Pozzato's back, and that it continues on his front. I picture its mouth gaping as it lunges at something like a worm on Pozzato's front side.

I didn't have to share this. I offer my apologies.

ryan said...

this post is all carbon/ti. have a good long weekend snob

mikeweb said...

5 right.

My knees hurt!

Ralphy said...

That U-Lock holster looks kinda sensible (if it was made for $15).

rezado said...

fridays are like, awesommmme!

Jefe said...

It takes balls to ride like those Freds in the video. Unfortunately, their testicles have now migrated somewhere near their sternums. The soundtrack should be sung in falsetto.

thegock said...

SNOW BORD

Anonymous said...

what do you hve to do to get your comment deleted?

mander said...

7/7 after the bonus! See you Tuesday Snob.

Anonymous said...

Hot damn, the penalty video of slo-mo track skids was AWESOME!TOTALLY AWESOME!

grog said...

Vancouver Olympic Games will not include any cycling events. None.

All You Haters Worship My Lobster God

Seanywonton said...

Bonus saved my ass, that droping question was too hard! 7/7

Pretty funny stuff today snob. Methinks the universe smiled upon you with that Japan fixie tour video.

Anonymous said...

those fixie swashbucklers say the word like, like a lot.

hillbilly said...

do you get offended when people say "you're red as a lobster" or eat at Red Lobster?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Hillbilly,

Yes, and I also get offended when cyclists parade their muffin tops through our "crushtetl."

--BSNYC

xyxax said...

I personally want to thank the Department of Spanal Affairs for this morning's grooming of the Manhattan Bridge (a.k.a. The Big Skanky Flyover).

samh said...

Snob, your blog is worth reading everyday (except on Lobster holidays when you don't post) but today's was particulary good because you referenced another "favorite" of mine, bmezine.com. A Web site known to have turned my stomach more than a time or two. To all the haters I say AYHPNTMB (all you haters pound nails through my balls).

edom bin necker said...

hey 149
i bin trying to get my shit deleted for like a year now and aint figured out how to do it

Nogocyclist said...

Just leave a post to
www.buymycheapjunk.com

That is how to get deleted.

roadrashomon said...

is it just me or is pozzatto's tattoo misspelled? shouldn't that be "judge" and not "jdge"

3G said...

CARR YON
TSA SCAN
TRAY TBLE
TRST FUND

Jefe said...

Roadrashomon, the "u" was scrapped off during a crash in the Tour of Somalia.

cheva said...

Is there a "u" missing in the tattoo based advertisement for the supreme court on that girl's back? Or perhaps only god can jdge, because only he/she/it knows what that means?
Top 50!

Lawrence of the Labia said...

HOLY VEST


TOUR JAPN


RUBR SPCH


PUSH THRU


LIKE BIKE

hillbilly said...

i see, makes you a crushed crustacean? crabby?

eh, forget it, i got nothin

ringcycles said...

6/7. Who knew that Filipo has such extensive body art, or that Snobbie was internet stalking him?

Anonymous said...

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fierce panties said...

Perfection!
Why is the answer to #5 misspelled. Am I missing the joke?

fierce panties said...

wiwm,
Can I borrow your material?

Only Judy Can Judge Me, OJCJE.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

fierce panties said...

If there was only a bike that had 3 chainrings, a 6 speed freewheel, Campy friction shifters, a rear rack, relaxed geometry, and a Nitto Technomic stem higher than the saddle, some extra bosses, and fat stays, a frame pump, a map bag, and gel somehow attached to the bars, and some panniers. Now that would be a sick ass rig, I could go all weekend.

fierce panties said...

correction:
OJCJM

TheNipponese said...

Haha, LULZ for days: Check out the original teaser trailer: http://www.tokyo2osaka.com/trailer/

Test Tickle said...

after the knee complaints, my next guess would be that their hands hurt, due to:

NOBA RTPE

and athletes foot would soon follow due to:

NOSO CKS!

however, either one of those ailments would not be as painful as a fresh...

NECK TATT

balls.

Surly Bastard said...

Holy fuck you mean those stupid little touristy shits have never even ridden farther than the local coffee shop or bar on a bike? Never used a bike as a form of transportation before? I watched that video in absolute horror. Is that shit real or did I fuckiong miss the fact that it was a trick questions and that was really just some robot theater? I couldn't watch it to the end. My eyes exploded.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know B-Real was a cyclist.

Billy Reid said...

ok, the dude whose back you see in one of the photos who is wearing "super tight" black shorts and the California jersey appears to be robbing the homies van because there is no way he is in their group.

edom bin necker said...

i donts see students like them hippie fellers at eku

if they is dum shits but gots lots of money they goes to transylvania univershity

holy fuck did i just admit im a perfesser damm too much oxycontin today

well fuck

Crankee said...

I call bullshit on the Tokyo to Osaka story. I live midway between those two cities, and no pale-faced pedal pusher is allowed passage through my City without paying tribute. I say they never made it past Shinjuku.

Meccanico di Veno said...

You just suck the joy out of everything.

Anonymous said...

"Only God can fudge me?"

Anonymous said...

if you're going to turn your calf into a wrench, at least make it campagnolo...

Steve Barner said...

I don't want to be a hater, but what's up with the "...and we're not destroying the planet" smug comment by one of the Trackies Tour of Japan crew? How did they get to Tokyo and back from Osaka? It's a sure bet they didn't ride. And did they really ride that whole distance without a stitch of extra gear, or was it in a pace vehicle that also served as the video platform? Doesn't sound like a zero-carbon footprint vaca to me!

Nicko said...

Check out the sweet photos on this listing:

http://cgi.ebay.com/cannondale-road-bike_W0QQitemZ140382565734QQcmdZViewItemQQptZCycling_Parts_Accessories?hash=item20af73f566

Awesome!

tom said...

My favorite part is when he describes how cycling is faster relative to walking.

g said...

3DAY WKND

It will be rough, but the valentines holiday will be a good distraction.

NEXT WEEK

Anonymous said...

I am disgusted by the fixie in Japan movie. The one guy is riding a GT super bike 1 from the 1996 Olympic Trials. A bike intended for and custom built for people with Olympic hopes...I bet those guys barely stand a chance making it through a full Vancouver event on their futon with custom quilted hemp blanket. Good news is the super bike 2.0 is harder to find on the market, otherwise the apocalypse may indeed be coming.

Merceron said...

Looks like they built their bikes in the middle of Shibuya, one of the busiest spots in Tokyo.

They talk some crap, but I respect them for doing the ride. It looks like they went down Route 1 for part of the ride and that's a truly miserably busy road, with trucks on it. Japan is also very hilly, I couldn't imagine doing that distance a ride on a fixie.

kerry said...

I guess no one ever googled 'nerve attenuation disease.' Too uncool, what with bar tape fashions and such. Maybe in ten years, sitting in the overpriced coffee shop, with such bad shakes you cant drink your coffee without 3rd degree burns will be fashionable."Oh yeah,shakes from 10 years , man, ten years no bar tape."

I'm betting the van had about 100 box of bandaids,too. The road is most likely littered, the whole way there with their decomposing, nasty fallen off bandaids.
Imagine the saddle sores... that far would be painful even with a chamois.
ouchies...

Anonymous said...

The best part of the fixie movie is the one guy is riding a GT super bike 1 from the 1996 Olympic Trials. A bike intended for and custom built for people with Olympic hopes...I bet some roadie douchbag has his panties in a twist that those guys own the bike without qualifying for the Olympic track event. Good news is the super bike 2.0 is harder to find,more expensive and so stupidly designed, that no one save an Olympic hopeful would have the gall to ride on.

leroy said...

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times, my tattoo needle with a built in spell check function will be bigger than Sham Wow.

I just need investors.

But here's what I don't get: why would that vacationing fixie rider's uncle give him the "I'm rubber, you're glue" speech? I'm sure they were using clincher tires.

Oh well, ride safe this weekend!

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC --

If Heather Loop cycles through your crushtetl dressed as small bowl of melted butter, don't take the bait.

Honestly, there's just no reasoning with that form of intolerance.

PCLA said...

Praise be to the Lobster! Curse the false god Langostino! Baja Fresh repent or be boiled in eternal torment!

Common Sense said...

"Well, that can happen when you go touring on an overgeared brakeless track racing bike"

It's beyond amazing how ridiculous/masochistic fixters can be!

Late Adopter said...

So, is fixed gear culture "open" or "closed"? Why would they make these promotional peliculas for a "closed" culture? I'm confused.

Coastiedouche said...

I think Ill pass on the japanese fixie video.Commenting on that would be like shotting at fish in a barrel. I wiil comment on the 'Only god can judge me tattoo'.Thats got to be THE quote for any duplicitous religous hypocrite asshole that hides behind religion to commit evil.I WILL judge you for the asshole tattoo so will the WADA and the U.C.I.Fuck religion and the bike you rode in on.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Olympic protests: When hipsters go bad...AP...

"One of the protesters could be charged with weapons possession. Police said that the protester had a bicycle chain wrapped around his fist and was threatening passers-by."

WTF? "That's it, grease 'em, Tommy."

wishiwasmerckx said...

And where, exactly, was CommieCanuck at the time of the arrest?

wishiwasmerckx said...

And where, exactly, was CommieCanuck at the time of the arrest?

espertron said...

That's the first time I got them all right. Now i'll have to answer one wrong to see the humping thing...

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omar and emily. said...

haters while you nerd dicks are hating these cyclist from riding to tokyo to osaka, they actually logged in the miles and hours while you dudes logged in some serious internet time hating woo real tough, real talk.

Big Loser said...

O & E -

No one here is hating those guys for riding poorly geared tarks in Japan.. It's all jus good clean fun.. heck Ima Fred and proud of it. Chill out...

AYHSMB

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Jen said...

A French arrest warrant has just been issued for Floyd Landis, and Doug Fieger (who penned the inescapably sticky anthem "My Sharona") died on Valentine's Day.

O Snobby, where art thou?

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San Antonio Employment Lawyers said...

When is a peanut butter wrench useless...

well done.

Anonymous said...

My own personal Sharona was a big, fat black girl in my fifth grade class that used to beat up the white boys. I am pretty sure she had a couple of kids too. For me, there was nothing sexy about that song...

Anonymous said...

logged in the miles?
Oh fuck off, these guys seriously suck. Someone is carrying their shit for them. I've done longer tours solo unsupported and I don't make wanky little videos about how great I am. I also can't believe how incredibly childish these guys are. They really think they're special. yeah brah, like, i wanna really soak up the culture brah.

Anonymous said...

Check that video carefully: where are all the clothes they're wearing? Oh yeah, in the vans with the four credited camera operators. How did they - with no touring experience, training, improper gear and bikes - cover 400 miles in 7 days? Who paid for the thing? Looks like Specialized (after the hit that was eat cockle pizza) and Carhatt fronted some coinage for the show. And did anyone watch part 2? I nearly died with laughter when they got to the part where the most experienced rider in Japan took them on the wrong path. I got respect for anyone who does a trip like this, but not when they do it with offscreen vehicles lending a lot of help, sense of dress, and just damn near impractical "fixed gear culture" all in aid of advertising a bunch of companies. Hell, how come all of a sudden it cuts from outside Tokyo to 400 miles away? Why's there no footage of "the crazy places we slept"? And then that horrible inarticulate talking head crap about how they're experiencing japanese culture cause they eat some bbq. Let's see these fuckers bike NYC for the past week...

Anonymous said...

Omar and Emily suck my balls.

Anonymous said...

I doubt it would take any training to cover 400 miles in 7 days. I would expect any reasonably fit person to be able to do that. especially unloaded. even on a loaded touring rig thats not a major distance. difficult but quite doable.

SD friend said...

gonna get it

omar and emily. said...

haha

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AYOAESMB

(All You Omars and Emilys Suck My Balls)

FXIE HATE

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