Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Hacking Away: Epic Schemes and Epic Rides

(Killer Kangaroo with Newfound Bottle-Opening Capabilities forwarded by a reader)

As many people are no doubt aware by now, this past weekend defrocked Tour de France winner Floyd Landis became the "bizarro" Roman Polanski when a French judge issued a warrant for his arrest due to allegations that he "hacked" into the French anti-doping laboratory's computers:

Like Christophe Moreau or the music of MC Solaar, the warrant on Landis is only valid in France, and once it travels beyond their borders it becomes weak and ineffectual. However, the French authorities have been known to try to exercise warrants in places of French influence beyond their borders, so Landis's legal team has advised him to avoid crêperies, French Connection retail clothing stores, and all Au Bon Pain franchises until this whole thing blows over. According to French anti-doping head Pierre Bordry, someone using a computer registered to Landis's coach, Arnie Baker, hacked into the lab's system back in 2006 around the time Landis was defending himself and orchestrating psychosexual prank calls to Greg LeMond, though for his part Landis is claiming that not only did he not do anything wrong but also that this is even more evidence that the French lab sucks:

Surely this is one of the strangest controversies in cycling history, and you can expect overrated French director Michel Gondry to make one of his trademark whimsically pretentious surrealistic films about the whole affair in the coming years. (It will be called "Eternal Darkness of the Hairless Taint," and I look forward to the dreamlike sequence in which Landis, played by Rowan Atkinson, applies a testosterone patch to his perineum with a pair of giant hands.) In the meantime, we may never know for sure what happened back in 2006. Did Landis really cheat? Do the French have a vendetta against American cyclists? Did someone in Landis's employ hack into the lab's computer system? Was the lab incompetent? The answer to all of these questions is, of course, "Almost certainly."

Still, even if Landis did hack into the lab's computers, he could have done so for any number of reasons. If he is indeed innocent, he may have been searching for incriminating emails or manipulated data. Or if he was guilty, he may have been attempting to manipulate the data himself in a scheme lifted wholesale from the film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off:"

As you may recall, Bueller had accrued a whopping nine absences, which is the scholastic equivalent of having a hematocrit way over 50%. However, Bueller was able to gain access to his school's computer and reduce that number before Ed Rooney's very eyes:

One can easily imagine similar outrage on the face of Pierre Bordry. It's enough to drive even the most diminutive Frenchman to lay waste to an entire laboratory full of beakers and test tubes with a stale baguette.

Alas, with professional cycling in such a state, it is tempting to seek solace in the relatively naive and guileless world of trendy cycling. Last Friday, I watched and enjoyed Part I of a video called "Junkun," which is the "Lord of the Rings" of "epic" Nü-Fred cycling sagas, and over the long weekend I tackled Part II, which opened right up with the Fixie Tree of Knowledge:

Sure, you could just leave your bikes on the ground while you camp out overnight, but hanging them in a tree keeps them safe from the tiny mystical forest-dwelling imps who molest unwitting pilgrims' bicycles by pushing their chain pins halfway out and deflating their tires. These are the sorts of things you learn when you go to Japan and "soak up as much of their culture as you can." You also wind up riding around in a goofy keirin helmet cover, which is sort of like coming to the United States and painting black lines under your eyes because you watched a football game:

Incidentally, one of the riders foolishly failed to hang his bicycle from the Fixie Tree of Knowledge and it fell victim to the forest imps, who took the opportunity to place a curse on it by installing front and rear derailleurs:

He'll have ample time to wallow in regret as he downshifts on the climbs and coasts on the descents. But it would seem that not all forest creatures in Japan are evil; our heroes are also visited by a helpful being who in his very first appearance manages to smash every single one of the Rapha "Rules of the Road" like an enraged Frenchman smashes a room full of lab equipment:

Upon hearing the cries of his forlorn brethren (one of whom has already been turned into a roadie by evil spirits), the Wise Japanese Hipster immediately embraces his sacred mission: "I have to tell them 'This is not correct road.'"

No, riding track bikes across Japan is indeed not the right road, though the Wise Japanese Hipster also seems to be using one. Then again, he's no ordinary rider--he's "probably one of the most hardcore bicycle enthusiasts Japan has." The Nü-Freds know this because, not only have they searched far and wide for the three or four days they've been in Japan, but also because the Wise Japanese Hipster is wearing apparel from at least two different defunct professional cycling teams simultaneously:

"He helped us out so many different ways," the narrator continues. Apparently this involves performing menial tasks such as inflating their tires for them:


Not only that, but the Wise Japanese Hipster also has magical powers. "I busted my tire and he fixed it with superglue, a Band Aid, and a one dollar bill," says one of the riders. Flying halfway around the world and going on a 400 mile bike trip before learning the concept of the "tire boot" is like learning how to tie a bow tie two years into your job as a tuxedo salesman.

Anyway, either the Wise Japanese Hipster turns out to be an evil spirit in disguise, or more likely, he's just sick of playing "pump monkey" to a bunch of Nü-Freds, because he soon ends up leading them astray and they get lost in the mountains of Nara where the dreaded "Keirin Dork Curse" begins to take hold:

Eventually, though, the Nü-Freds manage to find civilization, though they're considerably bedraggled and at least $900 poorer due to all the cash they forked over to the Wise Japanese Hipster for his phony "tire boots:"

Of course, it's through this sort of tribulation that one becomes wise oneself, and while the Nü-Freds are no less dorky for their travels they're certainly a bit more worldly, so their bike messenger friend who's been living in Osaka (Japan is apparently importing its lifestyle messengers now) throws them an "alleycat," which is the fixed-gear equivalent of getting a Bar-Mitzvah:

This involves doing shots of whiskey and "hitting up" convenience stores:

This, explains the messenger, is apparently a form of "culture." Says she: "Fixed gear culture spans nations, spans continents. You go to any city and people are gonna be like, 'Hey, that's a sick bike. What are you doing? Do you need help?'" This is inspiring. Who wouldn't want to be part of a "culture" that judges its prospective members by the relative "sickness" of their bikes? I'm comforted to know that people who have paid thousands of dollars for custom bicycles are getting the food and shelter they need, and woe unto the indigent who "palp" inferior componentry. I guess that's why the Wise Japanese Hipster helped the Nü-Freds. The moral of the story is that as long as your bike is cool enough someone will come to your rescue and want to be your friend.

Oh, and on top of that, you're also saving the planet. "It's a much more satisfying way to travel," says this rider, "and you're not destroying the Earth in the process:"

Right. I'm looking forward to their next film, in which they clear 2,000 acres of Japanese forest to build their "green" cycling apparel company. Because nothing can be toxic as long as bicycles are involved somehow.

123 comments:

Anonymous Coward said...

Podium!!

SD friend said...

I've been drinking my milk

Mad Mark said...

Death!
Plop.
The barges down in the river flop.
Flop, plop.
Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop,
As they scraggle black on the thin grey sky,
Where the black cloud rack-hackles drizzle and fly
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop
On the black scrag piles, where the loose cords plop,
As the raw wind whines in the thin tree-top.
Plop, plop.
And scudding by
The boatmen call out hoy! and hey!
All is running water and sky,
And my head shrieks -- "Stop,"
And my heart shrieks -- "Die."

Cav Not said...

Pod-ium?

Colin said...

fingerbang

Bad Lawyer said...

top tne

Anonymous said...

Marsupials!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

sufferist said...

podi-no!

landis in 06 said...

toxic

Anonymous said...

doh!

hillbilly said...

hack1st

ERK said...

ereven!

Anonymous said...

yeah

Gotcha Dope said...

I know this sounds crazy, but what if Landis really was cheating? Oh man, joke is on...wait, I got to figure this out a sec.

Silly hipsters. Don't they know that Japan is the enemy? Check all those war movies on late night t.v. Though they do make nice cameras and women.

dignan said...

top 20

youaretheengine said...

I assume they also rode their track bikes across the ocean. You know, to lower the carbon (crabon?) footprint of a bicycle trip to Japan.

Astroluc said...

"I don't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of... all I got is F'n Floyd!!"

LAND RYDR

Bad Lawyer said...

Great use of the Polanski-ironic meta-meme, Snob. It is amazing how long doping-inquiries seem to drag out and when you add LeMond and Merckx to the mix, you begin to wonder if the point of the French authorities isn't to wholly trash that which they pretend to promote.

fixie bible thumper said...

It's all Eve's fault. If she hadn't plucked the freehub from the fixie tree of knowledge, we'd all still be hip and pure.

murphstahoe said...

New trend in the land of the Epic Burrito. Pink Ghost Bike

Anonymous said...

close?

Frank Eeckman said...

top 10

wishiwasmerckx said...

I recon it must take about two years to learn how to tie a bow tie. I have watched the demos on youtube, but I am still clueless.

thegock said...

RAFA BTCH

Fearful said...

Yea Baby!!!!

Anonymous said...

meaningless comment

sufferist said...

Is cycling green?

Lets start off each player with 10 points.

1.) If you purchased a new bike, subtract a point.
2.) If you purchased a used bike, no point deduction.
3.) If you use your new bike to commute, get groceries, go to the library, etc...., add a point.
4.) If you use your used bike to commute, get groceries, go to the library, etc...., add a point.
5.) For each tire you replaced in the past year, subtract a 1/2 point.
6.) For every time that you drove to the departure point of your ride, subtract a point.
7.) For every time that you started your ride from your house, add a point.
8.) For every new petroleum-based clothing item that you purchased to support your riding, subtract a 1/2 point.
9.) For every used petroleum-based item of clothing that you purchased from a thrift store, deduct 1/8 of a point.
10.) For every small race that you participated in, subtract one point
11.) For every big race that you participated in, subtract two points
12.) For every needless or loosely justified upgrade you made, subtract 1 point.
13.) For every year that you added to your life as a result of the improved health that you have gained, subtract 3 points.

If you ended up with 10 points at the end you are carbon neutral, if you added a couple points, good for you, if you dropped a few points, you might want to rethink your perception of your impact.

If you traded in your super-speeder funny car for a Serotta, pat on the back, all others are just kidding themselves.

Anonymous said...

TOP 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mikeweb said...

You also wind up riding around in a goofy keirin helmet cover, which is sort of like coming to the United States and painting black lines under your eyes because you watched a football game.

Brilliant!!

Ya, and not sure riding around the roads over there in a Keiren get-up is a great idea either. Lots of folks there bet on Keiren and I'm guessing some of them lose money - lots of money. I wouldn't want to be mistaken by some truck driver as the rider that just lost him his last paycheck...

SD friend said...

rule 13 is pretty clever.
why do racing subtract points? with that reasoning should recreational/training rides result in point deductions?

how much fuel is burned by ships transporting the hundreds of bananas from chile that i consume over the course of a year during my rides?

the bike dork said...

Dorks! All of them pure and simple dorkdum.

mikeweb said...

In the middle of the hack.

Simon said...

I got 110.5 sufferist, what do I win?

Simon said...

Are fixies better at climbing?

Cognorant said...

My favorite from the dorks in Japan:

"...These hills just came out of nowhere..."

Uh....no, the hills have been there millions of years, you just neglected to look at a map. Jackass!

Anonymous said...

Carbon schmarbon. What a bunch of crap!

Anonymous said...

This is like the fixie version of "The Search for Animal Chin". Except Lance Mountain was way cooler.

g said...

I was wondering if Landis or LA Times article on 29% increase in bike theft would make the story today. Woulda lost that bet. Maybe tomorrow?

sufferist said...

Simon: please go forth and convert all those that you have contact with to your winning ways as you have transcended carbon-neutrality and transitioned into the rarefied air of carbon-replenishment. Way to be!

Anonymous Coward said...

The Diminutive Frenchman(TDF) - Jobst - Ghost collabo photo is superb Snob.

Anonymous said...

They should move the TDF to the USA

They could call it TDFUSA

sufferist said...

SD friend: I think that I should have been more clear about the event-type.

1.)Small race around a closed indoor track, no escort, pace car, honking crowd enthusiaser, 1/8 point deduction.

2.)Small race around a closed loop of blocked off outdoor streets, no escort, pace car, honking crowd enthusiaser, 1/4 point deduction.

3.)Small race around a closed loop of blocked off outdoor streets, including escort, pace car, honking crowd enthusiaser, 1/2 point deduction.

3.)Large to medium race (or touring ride) around various non-closed streets requiring escorts, traffic control, crowd control, support vehicles, large spectator base, 1 point deduction.

4.)Anything that involves a live simulcast, 2 point deduction

5.)Pro or above, 3 point deduction

Hope this helps.

Also, if you traveled more than the distance of your ride by car to go on a vacation ride, 2 point deduction for every mile driven by car that was further than your vacation cycling mileage.

Anonymous said...

That fixie video is disturbingly annoying. Who gives a shit if a bunch of whining dorks go on a vacation together to japan and ride their bikes around. About about as news worthy as my morning constitutional. I'm sure all of their dork friends are waiting with baited breath for their heroic return so they can hear all of the gnarly stories of their epic adventure.

Test Tickle said...

so cynical today, Snob. proudly approved!

CYNC APVD

balls.

SD friend said...

Humans struggle for thousands of years to survive. Thousands of years of fighting hunger, violence, hardship. Evolutionary changes would favor humans that adapt to these conditions. Suddenly, much less struggle. Much less stress. Much less....drama? It is possible to live a quiet life with no real struggles. But humans are not adapted to this environment. A quiet life is a boring life. Result: the humans with the least real struggles, the ones that have the potential to live truly quiet lives make their own struggles, make their own hardships, make their own drama. It is both unnecessary and necessary.

Steve said...

My next epic adventure vacation will consist of donning specialized gear made for the climbing of mountains at 20,000ft plus. I will then attempt to hike from Jacksonville, FL to Miami, FL in June. Oh the challenge and misery I will face, but I have a lot of heart so I will survive and triumph.

Ha!

LoRoK said...

A.Y.H.R.T.S.O.M.B.A.O.M.S.
(All You Haters Recognize The Sickness Of My Bike And Offer Me Succor)

Test Tickle said...

Look out get out of my way
I'm going to the atomic cafe
I'm going to the atomic cafe
You're a mystery to me kabuki girl
Don't say sayanaro
I want to see you tomorrow
I want to see you tonight
You're a mystery to me kabuki girl
Your face is white your hair is black
You'll probably stab me in the back
But that's the chance I'm gonna take
Don't say sayanaro
I want to see you tomorrow
I want to see you tonight
You're a mystery to me kabuki girl
East is east, west is west
Girls from the east are the best
They got more of what I'm looking for
Look out get out of my way
I'm going to the atomic cafe
I'm going to the atomic cafe
You're a mystery to me kabuki girl


balls.

3G said...

SICK BIKE
STDC YCLE

Coastiedouche said...

I still wont watch the japanese fixie video for the same reasons as shooting fish in a barrel, its too easy to mock. And elevating my blood pressure at the sheer stupidity of these idiots.Since the japanese are fascinated with anything American pop culture they will adopt any latest fad to come from the states no matter how absurd.Hair metal ,hip hop,you name it.Now with the fixie poseurs from japan copying the poseurs from America,They somehow give the American fixie poseurs one step of credibility.Darn.When its all said and done they're all douchebag poseurs barking up the wrong tree.

d. fofonov said...

For hipsters of transcending cultural boundaries:

If fixed gear riding mutations arrive in Kazakhstan populace is severing your head from mutated body, using it as ball for bicycle polo, and impaling your lifeless corpses on long sharpened poles which we adopting from Our Romanian cousins.

What a group of Deutch sacks.

Anonymous said...

I dunno, this video is no stupider than the videos of people serving their egos by climbing mountains that have been climbed 1000s of times before. This is even semi-original. Stupid, but original. I think I'll drive from New York to California with my parking brake on and make a video of it.

Lawrence of the Labia said...

DOPE HACK

BIKE TREE

TINY IMPS

TIRE BOOT

PUMP MNKY

Salty Seattle said...

Snobbie-

Thank you for exposing the 'imps'. So much in in my life suddenly makes sense!

sufferist-

You forgot to include petroleum-based chain lube, or chain cleaner solvents.

2wheelfetish said...

A reference to Ferris Bueller's day off! I like it, BSNYC! And I'm revealing just how old I am, though I have gotten both my kids to watch and enjoy the movie with me.

The fixie hipsters in Japan suffer from a general illness in our society that something isn't real or worth anything unless it's exhaustively and boringly blogged, videoed, and rehashed. Maybe we need to update Nike's "Just do it" slogan (also revealing my age), and add "but don't talk/document/blog it" to the slogan as a corrective.

Fearful said...

Damn it Marsupial!!

Very freaky, looks like it's holding handcuffs. Could it be the latest in Police patrols to catch fixies doing really silly and maybe illigal tea-bag dancing with their beikes??

OMG!!!

call me ishmael said...

apparently a sperm whale's head makes a great non-petroleum candle.

what could be greener than roving the planet under sail and oar, chasing down biofuels?

Buce Gordon said...

59th!!!
I am with anon. 3:55 this no stupider than asshole mtn climbers who leave tons of trash on Everest.Hey wait these folks didn't leave tons of trash behind ; judging by thear outfits I think they collected some.

Adrian said...

The smugness ,the smugness ..

..stupid fixie dorks with their curated hair and stupid beards.

San Antonio Employment Lawyers said...

Not the Rapha Road Rules...

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

ant1 said...

i agree, those fixie kids in japan are no stupider than various other people that do shit just to do shit. the difference is that these dudes don't do it just to do it, they do it to show others how cool they are, which is where they fail. there's nothing wrong with riding long miles from one place to another, or to do it using sub-optimal equipment. where it all goes wrong is putting it out there as something more than what it was. it's not a green, zen-like immersion into a different culture, it's a bike trip in a foreign land. if you try to take credit for more than that, you're gonna be taking shit for it.

powermatic said...

You didn't tell me that they petted deer! For gods sake, they petted deer!

Anonymous said...

No heavy petting the wildlife...

Stupid Name said...

An epic journey or epic tale is the result of something gone terribly wrong. Epics are the result of some disaster, which changes the effected or planned outcome.

Ex. Blizard traps mountain climbers for 10 days.

Ex. Soccer team plane crashes, you eat friends and relatives.

Ex. Ride a tall bike across africa, break leg, have locals help and take care of you.

Not an example of epic:
Failing to cream up your chammy, and getting road rash.

Not an example of epic:
People doing something while il-equipt, or planning poorly.
No death, no destruction , only the pain is self inflicted.

Making a video of self inflicted pain is like watching a japanese tv-game show, where it is funny when the guy gets hit in the balls.

Oh yea, they made a japanese tv-game show, not an epic.

Stupid Name said...

Modification.

You can have an epic burrito.

A burrito of magnificent proportion, size or content can be epic.

Unfortunately, my only experience has been with the epic consequences afterwords (an epic shit), and that is unfortunately the result of poor planning.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Talk about epic...I once rode a tricycle from Dar Es Salam to Zanzibar, but alas, I did not have a videographer along to memorialize it.

ant1 said...

speaking of epic, you should have seen the dump i took earlier.

Craig Calfee said...

Speaking of epic ,mine was piled so high it stuck out of the water..it stunk like ...

I am the engine said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=epic

ooo, snap.

I am the engine. said...

A word, whose meaningful definition(s)and correct applications are now obscured and have been raped to death mostly by the 25 and under crowd. It has been overused as "the" catch phrase used to describe a situation, person, event, movie, taking a shit,etc. The abuse and birth as a catchphrase has its origins among avid gamers and pretentious English majors.

SD friend said...

epic fail

Nogocyclist said...

Epic:
Everything preposterous I concoct!

ant1 said...

epic:
what is it?
it's it.

Rick Donkey said...

Starting today I'm gonna douse myself with champagne every time I reach my destination by bicycle. I ain't chintzy so I'm gonna get the best shit money can buy. It'll get expensive but fuck it.

I am the engine said...

Japanese Champagne?

leroy said...

Well why didn't anyone tell me today was poetry day on the podium? Here's my entry.

Epic subway ride
Saw rat eat bagel on track
I am epic cured.

Epicurean
Epic curiousity
Could not kill the rat.

Anonymous said...

Top 78!
I 'effin rock.

Rick Donkey said...

I guess I'll give it a go...

Neck tattoos are weak
Hipsters knees are much weaker
Whining caught on film

Noah said...

You don't 'get' a Bar-Mitzvah, you become a Bar-Mitzvah; it's a right of passage taken after a long period of training, yet plausibly different from the meticulous nature of the right of passage taken by the Wise Japanese Hipster to 'get' his head wrapping.

Dopester the jokester said...

BARR MITTS

Obstinate Dork said...

@Simon

Fixed gear bikes can climb better than geared bikes.

IF the grade is not too steep for your gear ratio, for then you are doomed!

I tend to pass geared riders on climbs when riding fixed, because they gear down and go more slowly.

Even when I'm struggling, I usually keep ahead during the climb.

It's a waste though, because they always pass me on the downhill within mere seconds and the net result is geared riders get ahead of me by quite a distance and get to rest their legs, too.


Really long climbs may not hold any advantage for those on fixed gears.

I've never experienced an epic fixed climb such as those found in the Rocky Mountains.

Anonymous said...

OK, I watched both videos, and it didn't look to me like these guys were carrying shit on their bikes, yet they had tents and later raingear. Did they have a sag wagon to carry their stuff? What a bunch of woosies! It's like fuckin' RAGBRAI!

U.S.A. Number One! said...

400 miles
7 Days
sag wagon support and luggage transfer (Was the messenger backpack person self-supported?)
indoor accommodations
sponsorships to defray costs

That sounds like a very fun cushy bike tour!

I'd do it if invited!

However, wearing bibs without any top, no thank you. I prefer to be an ugly American in America where it's completely acceptable.

U.S.A. Number One! said...

DELETE indoor accommodations from my stupid list.

They camped out. That's good.

It looks like it was a lot of fun, and I suppose I would have liked to share my experiences too, especially as the sponsors probably required that.

I guess I'm merely a jaded hater of bike riders having fun.

I remember when I used to have fun riding around and camping out.
I just didn't have a way to tell everybody so readily, nor the inclination to do so.

Oh well, they are riding bikes to get places and have adventures and I applaud that.

The video still annoyed me a lot.
But I expect that from American youth.

PANTS said...

I think the fixxy thing actually started in Japan and the Nu Freds copied it. Hence their epic journey to the motherland to ride up magically appearing hills.

I can just imagine the epic amount of whining that would have gone on that day.

Anonymous said...

hey BSNYC
do you have a cult or a posse?

Anonymous said...

i have use the terms special-epic, mondo-epic, solid-epic, plethora-epic, copious-epic, banging-epic and juicy-epic for years without fail

epic on it's own is just not so epic

just say plethora-epic outloud...catchy isn't it?

agent detroit said...

i taped over my promo mc solaar cassette because it sucked

campbell fdy said...

what a bunch of fucking losers. they had a support vehicle to carry their tents and laptops and it didnt have a patch kit or pump? how many points do they lose for that?

Crocodile Dundee said...

That Kangaroo looks suspiciously like the barmaid at our local pub! It must be the hairy legs.

Night time reader said...

TOP 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Not to be outdone some Aussie blokes have stepped up to the "Epic Ride" challenge...

http://fixed.org.au/forums/index.php?topic=8551.135

Anonymous said...

ALL YOU HATERS SUCK MESSENGER BAGS.

kerry said...

' you're also saving the planet. "It's a much more satisfying way to travel,"
Yeah,when you fly across the planet,adding a bike makes you carbon neutral.
Reminds me of this socialist chick I knew. Partner and I were wrong making money( not alot either) but she was ok living off tax money to go to school, like forever. Also, she hated bourgeoisie, yet had three children -all on state money!

yet, I was the bad guy! Because I made decent money working at the mall!!

kerry said...

I dont get why kids think trips are new and different.

I think randomeurs ( sp?) - middle aged dorks with shower caps over helmets, panniers and baguettes in front basket have beaten them, 8y about 90 years.

But i guess it doesnt count if your middle aged, geared and well equipped!

mikeweb said...

@Simon & O.D.,

Neither a 'fixie' nor a geared bike climbs the hill, the rider does.

The bottom line answer is that a fit rider will outclimb an unfit rider, regardless of which kind of bike they're on. An unfit rider can 'gear down' and would go slower, but speaking for myself I tend to maintain the highest gear I can and just pedal harder to maintain a reasonable cadence.

Anonymous said...

Anyone in for a Bigwheel ride across the US? I have one in my garage gathering dust. We'll video it and maybe find some deer to pet along the way...

john said...

best way to save the planet would have been for their mothers to have had abortions.saved on all those trips to the store, air plane ride to japan and 3 mins of my life watching this crap.

leroy said...

I get the feeling that a feller could make a pretty good buck selling some of the commentariat the Japanese translation for "hey you kids, get off my lawn."

Too bad all I got is "Anahta no wah haha oyasan rusted Huffy desyo."

I am the engine said...

Hey you freds, get off my lawn, and quit petting my dear.

Anonymous said...

Legend is the new epic.

Dood, you should check out the massive shit I just took! I looks like three cantalopes in a sock. Legend turd. brah!

Dood, I got so wasted last night, I pissed in the closet. It was legend, broseph.

Anonymous said...

My legend is epic.

That's what she said...

Randonneurs are always well equipped!

jimmynuetron said...

Hey man "SICK BIKE"! Is there a doctor nearby? we must perform an emergency alley cat at once.

ted grant said...

Thanks bike snob, After reading extensively about Nu-Freds on your site, I am concerned I may be one. If you could issue a Nu-Fred manifeso I would appreciate it.


Hipsters and Fixed Gear kids...... what was once annoying is now merely amusing...

Anonymous said...

waitwaitwait. landis, raised mennonite, becomes superhacker. now theres a feelgood story.

Anonymous said...

more fodder

hipster children
need i say more!

http://www.details.com/sex-relationships/marriage-and-kids/200711/are-you-raising-a-douchebag?currentPage=1

PCLA said...

"Fixed gear culture spans nations, spans continents."

Unfortunately, U.S. fixed gear culture is "closed" AFAIK. Any update on the status, Snob-san?

Hmm, hopefully it's not too late to adopt "Keirin Culture:"

http://keirinculture.com/

"Watashi no gurasu kara denasai, shika o sawatte ikenai!" Get Off My Grass and Don't Palp the Deer!

Anonymous said...

Journey to San Diego, and we will procure an epic burrito

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