Monday, January 11, 2010

This Just In: BSNYC Not Feeling Well!

In publishing this blog, I always make best efforts to spare readers from the tedium of my private affairs. However, this morning I found myself feeling quite unwell. I'm not sure from what malady I suffer, but whatever it is it appears to be uniquely tailored to prevent me from blogging. As the slogan for Johan Museeuw's flaxen bikes goes, "To Feel is to Believe," and you can believe me when I say I feel like crap:

Please be assured that I am not seeking sympathy; in fact, if you find me irritating I encourage you to revel in my misery. No, I merely wanted to let my readers know why I will not be fulfilling my blogular responsibilities in full today. After all, I've been maintaining this blog for quite awhile now (anywhere from one to three years, I am too feeble to count) and I like to think we've reached a point where I can dispense with the pretenses occasionally and be honest. I only hope that you will forgive me, as more than being ill it pains me to have to bore you with a post that is little more than an excuse. Also, my condition is putting a serious crimp in my training for the Monstertrack alleycat--especially the much-anticipated "Food Down" competition:


Yes, at the moment keeping food down is not my specialty.

Having said all that, I promise to return with regular, actual updates as soon as possible, or at least to keep you apprised of my condition (inasmuch as it relates to the "curation" of this blog). I also encourage you to read other blogs, such as the excellent "Cycling Inquisition." And in the meantime, I will take solace in some of the delightful items I've received from readers recently, such as these onomotapoeic knuckle tattoos:


(I assume the "pew pew" is meant to evoke a laser beam sound.)

Also, from commenter Ant1, I've learned of this new wooden bicycle, which indicates that "Woodway" is "Colorway 2.0:"

In my present condition I may need to think about whittling myself a wooden bike, since it's apparently acceptable to ride them in pajamas:

I will then affix to it a military surplus pannier, like this one spotted some time ago by a reader in Portland:


A city in which sandals and pant-cuff retention go together like wood bikes and pajamas, or like coffee and smugness:


Speaking of Portland, in no other city are Pistas sold more creatively:



$300 is quite a deal, since the Dutch bike I "autographed" for Recycle-A-Bicycle ultimately sold for a whopping (by "whopping" I mean "meager) $700--less, sadly, than the Matthew Modine and David Byrne bikes, but equal to the Jannette Sadik-Khan bike.

And with that, I leave you to focus on my recovery. May this handlebar tramp stamp steer me back to wellness.


--BSNYC/RTMS

102 comments:

Hans said...

First!

Anonymous said...

Podium!!!!!!

Chris said...

Podium

ALgoat said...

snatch bird

Anonymous said...

top 5 suckahs

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

May your health return and the Roman gods smile upon thee.

-P.P.

Nogocyclist said...

Top Ten

Anonymous said...

Yar

hillbilly said...

hope you feel better. i was challenged in the keeping food down area last week, it sucked, but i suppose you know that.

g said...

top ten. At least I feel better. Be well.

Yokota Fritz said...

Dang two minutes in and the top 10 spots are all taken.

Love from the guy who took that pajamas + renovo photo.

Hans said...

Get well snob.

rezado said...

hi-rez

brant@shedfire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

i dare you find a more universally useful storage unit as a .30 cal ammunition can!

Nogocyclist said...

The price of the pista dex will go up another $100 bucks if BSNYC does not recover by tommorrow.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

CommieCanuck said...

Don't wanna know where the stem for that handlebar is.

I think "Pew-Pew" is pronounced "Poo-Poo", as that woman must be suffering from irritable bowel syndrome.

Mark my words, at $1100 an ounce, gold has no future, and that money will shift to pistas. Hedge all bets with gold-plated pistas.

innerlighter said...

Riser bar tat with low rise jeans.
An ironic tramp stamp!

meh

esau bin necker said...

you bin messin around with jolene and catch something

maybe thats why she aint been around here much

the doctors here always give me something called rosefin and that usually clears it right up

CommieCanuck said...

or, <a href="http://ferrarimurakami.blogspot.com/2009/12/24k-gold-plated-cinelli.html>gold-plated Cinellis</a>.

From the comments:

"YO, NO FRONTIN ALLOWED. I NEVER HEARD AH CINELLI OR PISTA BUT DIS BITCH RIGHT HERE...THIS BITCH, RIGHT HERE, NIGGA, IS HOT WHEELS SUPER, FA REALS! HOT ASSES ROLLIN THIS, JOE. DOPE. I WANT THIS & A PORNO BITCH FOR CHRISTMAS, YO."

So don't complain about BSNYC comments, they obviously could be much worse.

CommieCanuck said...

SHIT

or, gold-plated Cinellis.

Anonymous said...

tight sprint this afternoon

Anonymous said...

If "pew pew" is meant to be a laser sound, shouldn't the typeface be in some sort of futuristic style?
As it is, it's some sort of fast food dessert font.

Jefe said...

I think its "curate a cold, fixie a fever." In any case, try to tap out something tomorrow, even a couple of links to Velo News in a sarcastic font will do. Monotype Corsiva works.

g said...

@125,
True. They use them on grand canyon rafting trips to port the human solid waste (sorry for the mental image, Snob) and the there is a poor bastard who pilots the crap raft. He's called the groover, named for the lip of the worn 30cal boxes. Read it in outside magazine, so it must be true. Be careful where your munitions box is surplus from, is all.

Anonymous said...

"pew pew" backwards is
kinda like "wet poop"

Anonymous said...

The "very special tarck bike" has lost its BSNYC provenance by having the USMLB removed.

OBA said...

Get well soon - hope someone can curate some chicken soup for you!

Cognorant said...

Get well soon BSNYC!

Right now though, I feel like I need to go disinfect my desktop.

grog said...

hope you feel well soon.
what's that smell?

ploeg said...

Ladies are unwell, Stone. Gentlemen vomit.

frilly said...

Oh Snobby, get well soon & I feel your pain. I'm on the mend from a really bad sinus infection. That was kinda silly, as if there are any good sinus infections.

Paul Bowen said...

Hope you feel better soon mate but to be honest that was pretty close to a full post - worth dropping by for certainly - so no need to apologise!

So was it just me that popped a fluffy for the handlebar tat lady? It's been a while.

Bad Lawyer said...

Frilly and Snob--

I hope you both are feeling fully-inflated, soon.

BL

Cadel said...

Damn it! My coggles and fast twichers are non.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

When dealing with a drop bar tramp stamp I always stay in the drops but tend to rapid fire with straight bar tramp stamps, why is that.

Anonymous said...

Bringing up the rear

Anonymous said...

That tramp stamp gives a new meaning to "love handles", if viewed from a certain angle.

Just about "crackin a stiffy", as our friends down under would say.

Randoboy said...

May the Lobster God wave his pincers of healing above you, rinsing you in the butter of absolution.

PS: The chick on the wooden bike is kind of hot, but the guy is looking mega-nonplussed.

nombei said...

i have to agree with Paul Bowen about the tat girl. here's another one of her...

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2750/4136475145_d6064e8cd6.jpg

Stupid Name said...

Even when you feel bad, you are snarky. Who would have thought.

Those are the worst tatoo's ever, by far. Never mix alcohol, and tatoo artists, it never ends well.

Holla Holla, my god, are you serious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9t9xQ8msJg


I think it is "curate a cold, colabo a fever." Hopefully you do not have the avarian (bird) flu.

Put on your chicken costume, and sweat it out.

sufferist said...

Best of wellness and lifestyle changes to support your healthway. Massive doses of Vitamin C, wheat grass and Eucalyptus tinctures from here on out.

JTK said...

Liz Hatch gives me a woodway

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/search?q=liz+hatch

Feel better Snobby!

Cyclin' Missy said...

I was there a few weeks ago with the stomach ailment. Get well soon!

Stupid Name said...

"Good morning. Check out this killer wooden bike." Lance Armstrong on Twitter.

- Lance, a bit of advice, get to work, you are old. Don't be wasting your time checking out wooden bikes.

Title: wrong path
For: Diploma UDK-Berlin
Year: 2008
Supervisor: Prof. A. Heine, Prof. H. Neumann, Dipl.Des. F. Steinert
Sponsors: Fixie Inc., Schwalbe, Shimano, tune
Photos: Dipl.Des. A. Velten
Topic: wood as an advanced fiber material.
Development of a new type of pipe material from Holzfaserlagen.
Development of a new damping system from Eschelagen

"Lungs" McGreenie said...

Ach - for me, the breathing part. I tried to ride and nearly asphyxiated (ass-fixie-eighted?) Less snot please.

Feel better.

leroy said...

Get well soon!

Oddly, today I think I know exactly how you feel.

Anonymous said...

Snob -- this is the INTERNET!!! It's shortattentionspantheater. You're usual output is Tolstoy-length to my little brain, and, a woozy stupor sets in about halfway through. This pithy, fever-induced post, was for me, in terms of length -- just right.

Anonymous said...

Don't get the tramp stamp. Am I supposed to pretend to "ride" her and make motorcycle sounds with my pursed lips as I do?

hillbilly said...

liz hatch also has stomach flu...coincidence?

Anonymous said...

@2:51PM Am I thick or was today's post was lifted from "Notes from the Underground"? Probably both.

mikeweb said...

Feel better Snob! -and you too, Liz!

I think P.P.'s work in the wind tunnel with his chariot has paid big dividends.

Anonymous said...

@Hillbilly...I think your on to something. First she twatted about him, now, they share an illness. Relationships do evolve differently these days.

CommieCanuck said...

Massive doses of Vitamin C, wheat grass and Eucalyptus tinctures from here on out.

Amazing how when people get sick, they take all this stuff proven not to work for shit.

I drink a warm tea made from a shredded New York post and insert a pine cone in my ear. I then rely on my Q-ray bracelet to focus my healing energy blah, blah....

g said...

CNN just reported that mark mcguire admitted to using steroids when he broke the HR record. In other breaking news, it seems the sky is blue and fire is hot.

sufferist said...

CC:In terms of a maintenance program they help. In terms of a cure, not so much. Time and rest are best (little rhyme fo' yo)

Please take the pinecone out of your ear and place it in your assway.

Much love!

sufferist said...

Actually, it turns out the diminutive pinenut is full of good stuff too.

Remove seeds before implanting cone in any orifice.

hillbilly said...

is that what they mean by something going viral?

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George Not Hincapie said...

Go to the Airport and get a full body scan. It'll fix you right up...

CommieCanuck said...

CNN just reported that mark mcguire admitted to using steroids when he broke the HR record.

This just in...Floyd Landis is still guilty, and puppies are cute.

CommieCanuck said...

Actually, it turns out the diminutive pinenut is full of good stuff too.

Oh, of course, pinenuts, goji berries, FRS drinks, soya whatever...most benefit is from the short period of time while people are consuming these things they are not eating a Baconator Sandwich.

All cold remedies = bullshit.

I'm sure somewhere actual bullshit is a cold remedy.

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CommieCanuck said...

Please take the pinecone out of your ear and place it in your assway.

That's the herbal treatment for hemorrhoids. Don't get confused.

sufferist said...

CC: Please take care of your Sacrum Chakra and do use some type of salve around your pinecone. Sacrum Chakra fissures are noting to joke about and feel quite painful. Best to avoid them if possible by drinking a goat's tears at least once an incarnation. (He's so carnation, he's incarnation).

Thank you.

flynn said...

so because you're sick you just post a collection of irritating photos, in hopes that they'll make us sick as well? dick-move.

Dr. Makim ben' Dover said...

I would administer foaming beef enemas twice daily.

Anonymous said...

Collabo on some rest and curate lots of fluids!

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

Barspins?

ConArtist said...

That tattoo just made my night. Get better soon snob. Thanks for the pics.

wishiwasmerckx said...

You know what they say: A cold lasts about a week if you go to the doctor, and about 7 days if you do not.

I said "Get well." I said...

Rest and plenty of liquids, NOW!

No booze (Okay, maybe a hot toddy).
No smoking.


HEE-YAWL!

Crabs said...

Dat Cinelli needs more ICS parts.

Asshammer Jackson said...

I'd hit it.

mander said...

This was pretty good for a post, never mind a "sorry, no post today" post. Get well soon RTMS.

John Romeo Alpha said...

Feel better soon! "Having said all that" counts as "having said that" I'm afraid. Can I look forward to a "that said" tomorrow?

Dr. Kevorkian said...

Take two cyanides, er, aspirins and call me in the morning.

innerlighter said...

Old Irish Saying:

You either have good health or bad health.

If you have good health, there's no need to worry

If you have bad health, you will either get better or worse.

If you get better, there's no need to worry.

If you get worse, you will either live or die.

If you live, there's no need to worry.

If you die, you will either go to heaven or hell.

If you go to heaven, there's no need to worry.

If you go to hell, you will meet all of your old friends and relatives there.

So, why worry?


feel bettah Snobby

adrian said...

i read this blog daily. the quantity of constantly excellent material is stunning. i assumed the bikesnob is an actual army of AOL-employees being kept below ground while being administered a top secret drug from the DOD.

hey, you were hanging in there for a long time. maybe it is time to bring in a few mini-skirted interns. an internship with the snob would be the sparkling star on any young journalist's CV.

get better and thanks for all the work for such a long time.

thegock said...

HTFU SNOB

Anonymous said...

What kind of loser gets a tattoo in this day and age. LAME!!!

leroy said...

It must be a Brooklyn thing.

I spent the day telecommuting from the home office with running water, tiles and porcelain fixtures.

On the plus side, the acoustics weren't half bad. I just didn't feel like singing.

Note to self: next time a genie from a magic lamp grants your wish to go faster, make sure he knows you're talking about bikes.

Oh well, at least Commie Canuck found a use for the New York Post. It's about time someone did.

Anonymous said...

Snob,
Are you vain enough to read this far down? I certainly would be. Just wanted to thank you for your always excellent posts. The whole idea of blogging makes me feel a bit uncomfortable but I really enjoy yours. I hope you're getting suitably remunerated and can stay motivated enough to keep doing your thing for years to come.

Ilaria Pranzini said...

Get well :) From Italy

Anonymous said...

blogsick

you could transfer your blogging to any country in southeast asia.
Of course, quality will be terrible, but you'll have mass production delivered on time

Philip Barrett said...

Your delirium has the better of you. "Pew Pew" refers to the first 2 firemen featured in the British children's TV show "Trumpton."

Here's my proof - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P5wcCuNZbY

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x27SWBbP0Vc

here is the fan that broke Albert's rib in the Belgian cross nationals.

ant1 said...

maybe snob is Albert and that's why he's in bed recovering.

Crocodile Dundee said...

G'day,
I gotta say the only friday quiz I know about is when Dad goes to down the pub for trivia night.He reckons it makes him smarter, but he always comes home reeking of grog and acting a lot dummer. Then that tramp stamp had me all confused, so I had to ask me older brother Bazza about it. He had no bloody idea so we asked Davo who is pretty good with the Sheilas, he reckons what you yanks call a tramp stamp us Aussies call a scenic root. We asked a few other blokes and apparently the uglier the sheila the more the tatoos she is likely to have and more likely she'd be up for a shag. At least that's what Davo said. But then he told me I was too young to worry about sheilas cause I probably can't even crack a stiffy. He's a bloody cunny funt. I got more wood than that stupid bike in the photo.

Unplussed said...

That poor guy in the pajamas must be thinking, "Man, I've got to find a decent agent."

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